Hang On




Third in the Peter and Valerie series.

Valerie opened her eyes up from her nap. She was laying on a blanket in the middle of her favorite secret place. Only two others knew of this place, Peter and Anthony. She had discovered it on her riding her horse on the ranch outside LA. She had shown Peter the spot on one of their dates.

Valerie sat up. There was no horse around. 'I must be dreaming.' she said to herself. She looked around the meadow to see that it was in full bloom. Colors of yellow, purple, orange and red could be seen in the sea of green around her.

Across the field she saw a figure, a male figure. Valerie stood up and tried to place it. Then it came to her. "Anthony!" she squealed. She took off in a run to go to him.

She made it to him. He turned to see her running. He held his arms open and took her in his embrace, hugging her close to him.

"Hey Val." he told into her ear.

"Anthony." she smiled. "What a dream. My favorite spot and my favorite brother."

"Yes, it is a dream. But a dream of importance." he told her.

Valerie heard the strain in his voice. She pulled back and looked at her brother. They had a connection that no one else could fathom. She couldn't question it.
 

"You'll be home in two weeks." she stated.
 

"Valerie." he tried to soften his look, "I ..."
 

She cut him off "Anthony? "
 

"I made a mistake Valerie." he told her. "I won't be coming home." he continued.

"No, it can't be." she moaned. Running back into his arms.

"Valerie." he told her, holding her. "I came to say goodbye." he told her.

"But you were to help mom and dad. You haven't met Peter and his band. I need you." she cried.

Anthony pulled back and looked into her eyes and face. "I need you to be strong. Mom will not be the same after this. Neither will Dad. You have to be there for them."
 

She nodded to him.
 

Anthony kissed her cheek and stepped back. "I'm sorry I never got to meet Peter. He sounds like a great guy. He wrote me back you know." he smiled. "You'll do fine. I'll be watching over you."
 

Anthony stepped back away and started walking.
 

Valerie was anchored to her spot, watching him walk away. Sanity finally came to her and she took off running after him, but he was gone.
 

Valerie fell to her knees and screamed, "NO!!!!"


Valerie screamed from her bed, "NO!" and sat up. She was in her apartment. Anthony just told her goodbye in a dream She started sobbing uncontrollably.

Ginger heard her scream. She got up and made her way to Valerie's door. The door was locked. Ginger knocked on the door, "Valerie, open up." Ginger could hear Valerie sobbing. Ginger rattled the knob, it didn't make a difference, it remained locked.
 

Ginger went to the kitchen and dialed the pad on the phone.
 

** ** **
 

Davy heard the phone. It was gotten in late from a date and was still up in the living room. "'ello." he answered.
 

"Davy. Ginger. I need Micky or Peter."
 

"What's wrong luv?" he heard a bit of panic in Ginger's voice.
 

"It's Valerie. She's in her room crying and the door is locked. She woke me up with a scream. She won't let me in," she said in a plea in her voice.
 

"I'll get the boys up and on their way. If anything changes, call back here." He hung up the phone after Ginger said okay. First he went to wake Micky.
 

Davy went into the upstairs bedroom that Micky and Mike shared. He walked over to Micky's bed and shook the drummer to wake him.

"Is it morning?" Micky asked through a half slumber.

"No Micky," Davy answered. "Ginger called. She needs your help mate."

Micky rolled onto his back and shook his head. "Ginger called? What time is it?"

"One. Something is wrong at their place. Valerie has herself locked in her room, crying hysterically. Ginger is beside herself. She called here to get you and Peter."
 

Micky sat up. "Locked in her room? Gotcha" The night cobwebs in his brain leaving with the thought of Ginger needing him. "I'll get dressed."
 

"I'm going to wake Peter," Davy announced while moving away from the bed. He noticed that Mike was up. Mike nodded and Davy headed out of the room.
 

"Need any help?" Mike asked.
 

Micky was putting on socks and an undershirt. He pulled on his jeans and found a sweater from the clean laundry basket. "Won't know till we get there. Keep an ear out for the phone." Micky slipped on his tennis shoes. "Man, Valerie is an emotional case."
 

"Well, when we first met her, she didn't necessarily asked to be jumped. And I had a feeling that this might have been coming too."
 

"What do you know that we don't?" Micky asked with a puzzled expression on his face.

"She's close to her brother, right?" Micky nodded. "And he is over in 'Nam." Micky nodded again in understanding.

"You think that she knows something?" Micky asked in the line of thinking.
 

"She told me about a dream of when he got wounded a few months back. She knew. That would be the only thing I could think of to freak her out now."
 

Micky nodded once more. He went over to the bureau and pulled out his lock pick kit. "Old habits come in handy," he said out loud. He took off to go down stairs, riding the rail fo the stairs down.

Davy went into his bedroom that he shared with Peter. He went to Peter's bed and shook him like he had Micky. "Come on mate. Need you to wake up."
 

"What is it Davy?" Peter rolled, thinking that Davy needed to talk to him. Though he allowed the guys to perceive him as the dummy, he did seem to be the sounding board for Micky and Davy in their problems. When they didn't want a lecture, that is.

"A call came in from Ginger. Something is wrong with Valerie. She needs you and Micky."

With the mention of Valerie, Peter was up with a start. "What's wrong?"

"Ginger doesn't know. She sounded frantic on the phone."

Peter got up while Davy turned on the light. Peter found a pair of sweats and pulled the pants on and the sweat shirt. He found some of his socks and put them on then his shoes.
 

Peter was coming out of his room when Micky came sliding down the rail. "Ready when you are babe." Micky announced.
"Call if you need anything guys." Davy called after them
 

Micky and Peter headed out the door and to the GTO



Micky and Peter ran up the stairs to the girls apartment. Ginger opened the door when they got to the landing.

Micky took Ginger in to his arms. She looked like she was going to pieces herself. "She won't answer the door."
 

Peter headed to the door and knocked on it. He heard the sobs. "Valerie, honey. It's Peter." There was no changing on the crying.
 

Micky was already on his knees using his lock set. In three movements he had it unlatched.
 

Peter opened the door. The sobs were loud. She was on her bed, curled up crying. Peter slowly went up to her and touched her shoulder. She didn't know he was there. "Valerie?" he asked calmly. He moved to have a look at her face. She continued crying. Peter moved her to have her lie on her back. He took her had in his, it was cold. Peter turned on the side lamp to the bed. She was in shock.
 

"Micky, Ginger." he called behind him. He knew they were in the doorway in the hall. They came in the room. "Micky, turn on the shower. Get it warm." Micky nodded and headed to the bathroom. "Ginger, brew up some of that tea Valerie likes." Ginger nodded also and headed out to the kitchen.

Peter returned his attention to Valerie. He picked her up and held her to him, rocking her trying to get it into her that he was there for her.
 

Micky returned to the room. "Nice and steamy." he announced. Peter picked Valerie up in his arms and he carried her to the bathroom. "Find some robes for us. I'm going to try to warm her up. That might help her out some."

Peter stood Valerie up in the bathroom and undressed her then he quickly undressed. He stepped into the shower and held her close to him. Trying to get the spray of water to bath her, warm her.

After a few minutes, Valerie's senses told her she was wet. She felt strong arms holding her. She looked to see Peter's face.

Peter realized the awareness was returning to her eyes.

Valerie wrapped her arms around him, holding him. "Peter," she said softly. "He's gone."

Peter didn't ask who was 'he'. Micky had told him Mike's suspicions. Peter held her, giving her his support.

Once Peter knew that she was back among them, he turned off the water and grabbed a towel to dry her off and slipped a robe around her. Then he dried quickly and put on a second robe.

He escorted her out of the bathroom and towards the living room. On the coffee table were two mugs of tea. Micky and Ginger were out of sight.

Peter settled her against him on the couch, covering them with an afghan that they kept on the back. He handed her a mug of tea, and took on himself. He simply held her, waiting for her to come to terms to what she was upset about.
 

After a few minutes she set the mug down. "I had a dream. Anthony told me good bye, that he wasn't coming home."

Peter hugged her to him. "Two weeks," she said to his chest. "He had two weeks to go before coming home."

He knew it was no use to ask questions. She talked for a few more minutes, then slowly fell asleep in Peter's embrace.

It was then that Peter saw Micky walk into the living room. "Okay?" he asked.

"For now." Peter answered.

"I'm going to crash with Ginger. I'll call the pad and tell them it's okay."

Peter nodded and settled on the couch the best he could with Valerie in his arms.


Valerie woke up in a weird position. Her neck was angled oddly and her arm was asleep and her head gave a dull thump of a headache. She opened her eyes and realized she had fallen asleep on the couch with Peter. Then it came back to her. "Anthony."she sat up quickly.

Peter woke with a groan then sat up with Valerie.

Valerie stood up and headed to the kitchen for the phone. She dialed her parents home.

"Dad?" she asked. "I had a dream last night. One of those with Anthony." she told him. "It's not good Dad. He told me good bye. He's not coming home."

Peter walked up behind her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"How long do you think it would take to find out from the army? ... I'm upset. Ginger must of heard me last night, she called Peter to come over. ... I don't think I'll be any use at work. I don't think I could make my mind stay on anything. ... Call me if you find out anything. ... Love you too." Valerie hung up the phone. Peter held her from behind. "Dad is going to call his contacts and see if they can find anything out."
 

Peter turned her around. "I'll be here for you." He ducked his head down and they kissed.

From behind them they heard, "Come on, do it in your own space." They heard from Micky.

They broke their kiss and looked back at Micky and Ginger.

"The cavalry is what you called." Valerie stated.
 

"I needed help." Ginger said in defense. "I'm going to shower and get ready for school. Micky said he'll drop me off. Peter, you're going to take care of her, right?"

"You bet."

Ginger moved back into the hall, "I'll be ready in 20 minutes Micky."

Micky stood, leaning against the wall, "Everything cool?"

Valerie sighed and leaned into Peter, "Dad is going to try to find something out today." she took a breath, "I don't understand this war." she explained. "The men we send may be trying to preserve democracy but who they hell is the enemy?"

Peter had his own comments on the war and kept that at bay. Micky had lost a few friends himself in the conflict. He didn't have any words.

"I better go get my clothes before Ginger gets out of the shower." He went over to Valerie and gave her a hug. "Keep strong." he told her.

Along once more, Valerie stepped back. "I must be a fright."

Peter shook his head. "No, not a fright. Just a girl who loves someone very close to you."

"I went hysterical to a dream." she pointed out.

"You and your brother have a bond. It would only be right for him to come to you and say good bye."

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

"No, I don't think you're crazy." Peter assured her. Peter thought for a moment. "Let's get out of here. Get your suit and we'll hang on the beach. We need to keep you occupied."



Peter took Valerie to the pad. They were going to hang out on the beach for the later morning then go out somewhere for the afternoon.
 

They went into the pad. No one was in the living room. "I'll go change. Be right back." he dropped a quick kiss and moved off to his room on the main floor.

Valerie walked around the living room, picking up magazines and books. She had made her way to the juke box when she heard Micky talking to Mike upstairs.

Micky was coming out of the bedroom being followed by Mike. "Man. Like I said before, Valerie is so emotional. She goes off at anything. To go hysterical over a dream. I'd say she has a few problems."

Mike had seen Valerie. Micky didn't see Valerie till he was on the landing before the stairs. He was wondering why Mike didn't comment, then saw her.
 

Valerie looked at him. She felt betrayed by his remarks. 'Surely he couldn't be a friend,' she asked herself. She was hurt. She didn't have to listen to him. Valerie took off for the back door and down the stairs.

Micky looked back at Mike.

"This is your mess. You go fix it." Mike told him.

"But Mike..."

"I can't fix it. You have to go talk to her."

Micky took off to follow Valerie on the beach.

Valerie ran. She ran to the sea wall that was a quarter mile from the house. She stopped before it, trying to catch her breath.

A few minutes later Micky came up to her.
 

"Get away from me Dolenz." she spat at him.

Micky stopped a few feet from her, "Valerie, I'm sorry..."

"For calling me a freak?" she asked. "An emotional person?" she continued on. Valerie stepped up on a large boulder. "Excuse me for butting into your life. I didn't ask for all this." she explained.

"I didn't mean it to be..."

Valerie looked down at Micky from her rock. "Micky, when I was twelve and I fell from my horse and broke my arm, Anthony knew. When Anthony was hurt in a fight, I knew all his bruises for I felt them. We have a bond that I don't understand. And now... He's gone. And you call me emotional? Hysterical? I have a right." Valerie turned to look at the sea. "He promised he would be careful. That he would come home." She screamed. "You promised!"
 

Micky took the moment to move to stand behind her. He took her in his arms and she started to cry. Micky turned her around to hold in his arms.

Valerie cried for the miss times she would have with her brother.


Peter came out of his room dressed in his swim shorts and jacket. Peter saw Mike but no Valerie.
 

"Where's Val?"
 

Mike looked a bit sheepish. "Micky was talking about her, not realizing Valerie was down here. She took off and he went to talk to her."

Peter was about to leave for the beach when the phone rang. He stopped and turned to see Mike pick up the phone.

"Monkees headquarters. ... No, she is on the beach... Did you find anything about Anthony? ... He was? ... I'm sorry. I know how Valerie is close to him ... You know that we all here for you and your family. We'll tell her. ... I'll have her call you." Mike hung up the phone.

"She was right. Anthony died yesterday. He stepped on a land mine in an open field that had been cleared."

Peter took in the news. He knew things would be different for Valerie.

Mike walked over to Peter and gave him a hug. "I know it's hard Peter."

"His letters were so revealing. He told me so much about himself. He wanted to start up his band again. To help his Dad with the club. To make sure Valerie went to collage." Peter said in a little awe struck voice.
 

"Guess we'll have to be there for Valerie now."
 

Peter nodded. He stepped away and took a deep breath. He was going to have to do the hardest thing that he thought with his relationship with Valerie. He went out the back door and spotted Micky and Valerie at the sea wall.


Micky held Valerie in his arms, her weeping giving way to just wanting to be held. Micky hadn't realized the full connection between Valerie and her brother. He felt like a heal, for calling her names.

"Valerie?" he asked quietly. "I wanted to say I'm sorry." Micky left it at that. He held her, standing on the rock.
Peter came up to them. Peter saw that Micky had a serious look on his face, and that Valerie had been crying again.

Micky nudged Valerie, "I have this blond guy staring me down. Do you know him?" Micky tried a joke.

Valerie sniffed and played along with him, "A blond guy?" she asked. Valerie pretended to think for a moment, "Nope, don't know him." she tried to smile. She turned to see Peter standing below her. She knelt down and he took her off the rock.

"Nice try." Peter told her.

Micky jumped off the rock and stood beside them. "Guess I'll head home." Micky looked again at Valerie, "I'm sorry Val. I was out of line."

Valerie nodded and Micky went towards the pad.

"What happened?" Peter asked.

"Micky said some things about me not realizing I was in the house. I took off and he came after me. I went off on him then I went off on Anthony."

Peter sat down on a rock and held her close to him.

He didn't want to hold back on her so he told her, "Before I came out here, your dad called."

Valerie felt the heaviness in Peter. She nodded.

"He found out that Anthony did pass away yesterday." Peter waited for her reaction.

Valerie cuddled closer to him. She was spent in crying for now. Peter held her close, offering his support that she needed.

Peter didn't know how long they sat there. But Valerie finally stood up and looked at Peter. She bent down and kissed him. Then she whispered, "Thank you."
 

They walked back to the pad.

It was quiet in the house yet the other three were there. Mike sat on the couch reading a book. Micky was at the kitchen table working on a puzzle. Davy sat at the band stand writing in a book.
 

All they guys looked at them when they entered the back door and froze.

Valerie weakly said, "Hi."

All the guys moved to give her what was traditionally known as the Monkee hug. They offered her their support in her time of need.
 

"Thanks guys. I knew a few months ago I gained several brothers." she told them.
 

Peter assisted her to a seat at the table and went to get her a glass of water and what she thought were aspirin. She had complained that she was starting to have a pounding headache.

She took the pills and water and started helping Micky with his 1000 piece puzzle.

Over a sometime, she started yawning. Peter returned to ask her, "Want to lie down?"

"I think so." she admitted. She got up and Peter helped her to his room. He returned to the living room a few minutes later.
 

"You slipped her a micky." Mike pointed out to them.

Peter nodded. "She's so drained right now. She'll be out for awhile."

Mike got up, "I'll call her dad and let him know that she knows and that we'll keep an eye on her for a few days."

Peter sat down at the chair Valerie had previously been in. Micky looked at Peter. "We'll help Pete."

"I know. And she knows. She loves all you guys." Peter smiled. "I just wish I knew what to do."

Davy came up beside him and answered that question. "Just being there for her is what you can do mate. Just hold on to her and let her know that she's not alone."


Valerie woke up to some deep snoring. She was sleeping with Peter in his bed. He was on his back and she was half covering his body, holding him close.

Valerie tried not to move, trying not to disturb Peter. She thought back to the last twenty four hours. What a loss, a loss of life. Valerie knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. She slowly got up so not to disturb Peter and crawled back off the bed. She looked back and saw Davy was asleep across the room.

Slowly she crept to the door and went out into the living room. Turning on a lamp beside the couch. she went to find her purse that held her letters and notebook. She sat down on the couch and started reading through her letters from Anthony. She reread his stories of his buddies, his wishes and dreams, and his fears.

After an hour, she was done reading the letters. She looked to see the clock said five. It would be sunrise in awhile. She took a piece of paper and wrote on it. "On the Beach, Val." and left it on the table. Valerie made her way onto the beach and sat down in the predawn glow.

Valerie listened to the waves, thinking of the effect it had on her. It calmed her, the steady hissing of the spray yet the crashing was chaotic, turmoil, like her emotions.
 

She knew now that she couldn't keep her life on hold. That she had to move on. Moving on as in going to school "to take her talent beyond herself" as her brother had written. That meant leaving Peter. Yet they had always said that this was a passing phase for them, for their friendship would go beyond their physical relationship.


Peter woke up before dawn, instantly noticing that Valerie was not with him. He scouted off the bed and went into the living room. We quickly glanced around the room. He spotted the paper on the table and went over to read it. Peter returned to his room to get his sweats on and go down to the beach.

He grabbed a blanket and headed for the beach. Morning light was coming. He made it to Valerie. She turned to look at him.
"Mind for some company?" he asked.

"No mind." she answered.

He sat down behind her to cuddle her up in his arms. Valerie relaxed back into him, reminding their times they had been on the veranda.

She spoke softly, "I reread his letters, reading his thoughts, dreams. He had big plans." she told Peter. "My writing inspired him. Maybe I can do something with my words?"

"Thinking about school?"

"I need to move on. Anthony would be kicking me in the ass about it when he got back anyway."

"Are you doing it for you? Or for him?" Peter asked. Her greatest fear was doing everything people told her to do.

"Both of us." she answered.

"Need help in finding a school?"

"Funny thing, I sent in two applications a few weeks ago. I got accepted to both schools. One is in the Bay area and the other is in San Diego."

"Which one?"

"I think the Bay area." she answered. Valerie felt Peter's hug tighten.

"I'll help in any way Val. You know that."

Valerie again rested in Peter's arms. "Since my dream I have a felt a void, something that used to buzz in my brain, is no longer there." she commented out loud. "It frightens me."
 

"You think it was your connection to Anthony?"
 

"Yes." She moved to look at Peter. "My dreams of him being at my wedding, being the uncle to my children. Watching him play in a band. Seeing his work on display. Gone."

"What about the dreams of you earning awards for your writing? Perhaps writing a best selling book? Being a mother? A wife? You need to think about yourself." Peter pointed out to her.
 

She kissed Peter. He told her things to make her feel better, to think of the other side of things. She felt so lucky to have him.
 

Reluctantly she pulled away "I think I should make an appearance with Mom and Dad."
"Want company?"

"Moral support will be much needed." she told him.


Peter and Valerie returned in mid afternoon from her parents house. Again Valerie looked drain from her ordeal. Peter got her some lunch and made sure she ate it.
 

Though they had talked that morning, Valerie was getting quieter. She rarely smiled and she was sitting staring. Depression was slowly creeping in on her.

She went to take a nap. Peter felt at a loss. He went to sit on the veranda to think about what they had discussed that morning.

Mike came out to check on him. "Hey there Pete." he sat down on the rail of the veranda looking at Peter.

"Hey," he said in reply.

"How are things?" hoping Peter would know he meant for everyone involved.

Peter shrugged, "She's talking about leaving to go to school at the end of the summer. At her parents she kept up a good show, being attentive to her parents and all. But once we got in the car to come home, she was slowly going into a shell." He looked up at Mike. "I don't know if I can get her out of it."

"Give her time to mourn Pete. She is bound to get depressed. All we can do right now is show that we are here for her."

Peter nodded and sat back in his chair.

"She'll have good times and some bad times. But we'll be here for her." Mike told him.

Valerie woke up in Peter's arms once more. It was dark in the room, save for a nightlight that Peter used. Again she laid still, so not to disturb Peter. She thought it was great to have him as a boyfriend. He took the day with her at her parents with support. He was there to help her in working in the house. She felt sorry about her retreating emotionally from him on the way home. She wanted to do something in return for him. She wanted to love him.
 

Valerie moved her head to start kissing his chest and neck. Peter moved, feeling the sensations of her wet tongue. She moved her kisses to his stubble chin and to his lips. She kissed him light pecks then ran her tongue long his lips.

Peter's eyes opened to see her before him. She lowered her head to kiss him. She kissed him and moved her hips suggestively to him. Valerie kissed to his ear, "I want to make love to you Peter Tork."

Peter looked over to see that Davy was sleeping in the next bed. Peter whispered in her ear, "We got company babe."

Valerie turned to see Davy asleep in the other bed in the room. She answered, "It's not like he hasn't seen it. I want to love you."

Peter sighed, if they did get loud either Davy would wake up and watch or he would leave the room. Peter could only hope that Davy would be nice enough to leave instead of being front row to the love exposition.

Valerie started kissing down his neck again and went to love on a nipple. Peters were always responsive to her touches and loving. Peter closed his eyes when she slightly bit on right nipple. Valerie's hands were moving over Peter's skin. She finally rested a hand on his cock that was contained within his shorts. Valerie moved her hand up and down with a bit of pressure.
Peter raised his hips to her movement.

Valerie moved his shorts down, freeing his engorged cock. Her hand took hold of him and firmly stroked. Peter had slowly let her know what felt good to him over their nights together. She was always asking for his guidance, wanting to learn more. Rarely did she act timid with him.

Her hand kept up their pressure, squeezing from his shaft and up. Peter let the sensation come to him. Then something new made him open his eyes and look down. Valerie had moved to kiss the tip of his cock, then take her tongue and swirl around the head. Peter flopped his head back onto the pillow and gave a low groan.

Valerie opened her mouth and took part of his cock in her mouth and started to suck him like a straw. Peter laid his hands on her head and tried to guide her to take more.

Valerie got the hint and lowered her head to take more. Her hands went to fondle his balls. She moved up and down, giving him pressure.

Peter moved his hips, feeling the pressure within him growing. He was going to come soon.

"Valerie?" he whispered, the strain was showing in his voice.

Valerie kept moving on his dick, playing with his balls.

Peter bucked his hips into her mouth, he held her head still. He couldn't be gentle to her at the moment, the need to release was coming to him. A minute later he came in her mouth. Valerie swallowed what she could. It was her first taste of the male essence.

Peter's eyes were closed when she returned to lay next to him. Peter moved her face to kiss her. He tasted his cum on her lips.

Peter was drained of his energy but felt he should love her. He may not be able to love her with his cock but she loved to be fingered. He moved his hand to her shorts.

He kissed her and moved to have her on her back. His hands went under her shorts and panties, touching her. She was wet, having been turned on by loving him. Peter placed three fingers in her and started to slid them in and out. He kept kissing her face and neck. Giving her the extra attention that he loved to give her.

Valerie was rocking her hips to his tempo, her breathing quickened. Peter added his thumb to her clit and gave it a constant rub of his pacing fingers. Soon she came, and Peter continued to move, prolonging her orgasm. She kept a hold of his shoulders, her anchor, while her body shook. After several minutes, Peter let up and Valerie relaxed on to the bed.
Valerie and he kissed a few minutes then she turned to curl up, her back facing the room. Peter rolled onto his back and then looked at Davy's bed.

Davy was awake, looking at him. Davy gave a thumbs up then rolled over on his bed to have his back to Peter.

Peter mentally groaned, he could just imagine what Davy would come up for this situation. But he would leave that to later. Peter rolled to hold Valerie in his arms again. Falling asleep soon after.


A few days later, Peter was in the living room playing the piano while Valerie took a nap. Her naps were more frequent, her depression deepening. Peter did his best to be understanding. When things got to much, the guys stepped in and helped.

Peter sat at the piano, trying to recreate a melody that had come to his mind over the past two days. It was a darker piece than he usually wrote, but they were darker times for him, his best friend was hurting.
 

Mike walked in the front door with Micky. Mike was sorting the mail. He walked over to Peter and handed him two pieces of mail, one was from Anthony.

Peter opened the letter. They had been exchanging mail since Anthony first wrote him a few months before in regards to Valerie.

Hey Peter,
thanks for the last letter. I can see why Val likes you.
Nothing much going on here, two more weeks and I can say goodbye to this jungle of hell. Last night I was thinking. A poem came to mind and I wrote it out. There is song in there somewhere. I'm sending it to you. Maybe when I get back, we can work on it together.
I know this is a short letter but I just wanted to get the poem out to you.
Enjoy, look forward to hearing what you think.

Anthony.

The second page contained the poem :

When the world and I were young,
Just yesterday.
Life was such a simple game,
A child could play.
It was easy then to tell right from wrong.
Easy then to tell weak from strong.
When a man should stand and fight,
Or just go along.
But today there is no day or night
Today there is no dark or light.
Today there is no black or white,
Only shades of gray.
I remember when the answers seemed so clear
We had never lived with doubt or tasted fear.
It was easy then to tell truth from lies
Selling out from compromise
Who to love and who to hate,
The foolish from the wise.
But today there is no day or night
Today there is no dark or light.
Today there is no black or white,
Only shades of gray.
It was easy then to know what was fair.
When to keep and when to share.
How much to protect you heart,
And how much to care.
But today there is no day or night
Today there is no dark or light.
Today there is no black or white,
Only shades of gray.
Only shades of gray.

Peter read the poem. He thought to himself Anthony must have known something. Peter returned to playing the piano, again playing the melody that he had in his head. Then he started thinking about the poem, fitting his music to the words.

Valerie woke up to the piano playing in the living room. Peter had left the door open to the bedroom. She listened to the melody and then started to hear Peter singing. She got up and went into the living room.

Peter worked on the song as he went.

Valerie walked over to him and sat down next to him on the piano bench. She saw the paper on the tray. She recognized the hand writing as her brothers.

The guys made their way too to the bandstand to listen to the song that Peter was working on. The words were a bit haunting but true in regards to life. When Peter finished Valerie looked at her.
 

"That was beautiful Peter." she told him. "You should play it at his memorial."
 

"He wanted us to work on it when he got back." Peter told her.
 

"You did a wonderful job." she told him. Peter gave her a hug.


The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. Valerie dressed her a black dress, and the fellas dressed in dark suits. Mike drove them in the Monkee Mobile to the church where Anthony's Memorial was being held.

It had been two weeks since Valerie's dream. Peter had played the song that he worked on from Anthony's words to Valerie's parents. They both agreed that it should be a part of the ceremony.

Valerie was going to speak also as was one of Anthony's band mates.

They walked into the church. Micky, Ginger, and Valerie went before the alter to say their prayers, then sat in the second row with the others.
 

Peter held Valerie's hand throughout the ceremony till she got up to speak. He followed her to go to the piano. It was upon her conclusion that she would introduce Peter.

Valerie spoke of memories of Anthony and his ability to make friends in any situation. She ended saying, "Anthony was my guiding light for so long that I didn't think I would survive without him when he left. Then I met four young men that stepped in. And though in distance, Anthony created a friendship with one of them. Before Anthony's passing, he shared a poem with my best friend, Peter. Ironically Peter was working on a melody. Together they wrote, Shades of Gray."
She stepped away from the podium and let the attention focus on Peter.

Peter started out the melody and started singing the lyrics that Anthony had written. At the song's completion, people clapped.
 

After a few more words of thought the service ended.

Valerie walked in hand with Peter outside. Valerie stood to the side with Peter's support to talk to Anthony's friends that had come.
 

As foreseen, Valerie's mother wasn't handling the situation well. Valerie had stayed with her when her father couldn't be home.
 

Soon everyone met at the car. Valerie walked to each of them and offered her thanks for their support. First she went to Davy. She kissed his cheek and told him, "I know we don't always talk, but I'm glad you are a friend of mine." She moved off to Micky and kissed him, "I have forgiven you for your brashness for it is a personality flaw you have Micky Dolenz. Thank you for being there for me." Then she stood before Mike, standing on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. "The rock of the group. Thank you for being the calm though it all."

"Is there anything special we can do for you?" Micky asked.

Valerie thought for a moment then it came to her, "Want to ride horses?"



After changing they rode to the ranch that housed Valerie's horse. They saddled up horses and went riding into the fields. Mike and Davy knew horses but Peter and Micky were edgy with their mounts. Valerie had gone out before with Peter so he was a little bit calmer with riding, but not completely relaxed. Mike assisted Micky, trying to give him guidance through his hysterics.

They rode till they got to the meadow.

Valerie dismounted her horse and walked a few feet away. She pulled out a piece of paper. It was a letter to Anthony. She dropped down to her knees and dug a hole and put it in and covered it up. She returned to where Peter was standing and he hugged her.

No words could be spoken, yet there was understanding. They returned to their horses and caught with the guys.

They rode for sometime around the ranch then returned to the stables before dinner.

Valerie and Mike wound up alone while brushing down their horses. Valerie was brushing down Teddy while Mike was brushing Dusty.

"Mike?"

"Yes." he answered.

"How bummed out do you think Peter will be if I move away?"

Mike had been thinking that line of thought since Peter said that she was thinking of going to school. "Heart broken, but he knows it is not him you're leaving." He moved to look at her, "You'll come visit won't you?"

"Nothing could keep me away from you guys." Valerie moved to stand next to him. He put his arms around her, "I will never forget you Mike." she said into his chest.

Mike held her for a few minutes then said, "anytime you need us, just call."

"Sure thing."
 

"I'll hold you to it." he told her.

They went back to finish up with their horses. The put them back in their bays and found the others finishing up.

"Davy, think you could keep Teddy up to par while I'm gone?"

"Gone? Gone where?"

"I'm going to school in the Fall. I need to find someone to ride Teddy while I'm gone."

Davy looked to Peter, who nodded to show that she wasn't lying to him. "I would love to ride Teddy." He went over and kissed her cheek. "You sure?"

"I'm sure. Dad doesn't want to sell him, and I don't want him to feel left out. As you can see, you can all come out to ride."

Peter had noticed that Valerie's attitude had lifted since they had been in the meadow. He would wait to talk to her about that when they were alone.
 

Everyone heard a growl, like a stomach growl. Everyone looked to Micky. He looked sheepish but admitted it was him, "Well we didn't have much of a lunch. Dinner anybody?"
 

With that they made their way to the car to head home.


It was evening and Peter and Valerie were sitting on the beach watching the sun set over the water. It was the end of summer and tomorrow, the guys were going to help Valerie move to San Francisco into her new apartment.

Peter had gone with her to visit the campus and get her class schedule done. Peter had some connections and found the apartment for her that wasn't to far from school that was in a nice neighborhood.
 

Valerie had talked with him in depth one night about everything. He seemed to give her his total support and understanding. He promised that he would write her and she would visit once a month and be there for Christmas break.

Mike had told her he would try to get some bookings up there too, so they could see her.

"I'll miss this place." Valerie revealed.

"It is special." he agreed.

"The waves are like music, they seem to whisper what is going on in my mind."

Peter kissed her ear, "What is it saying to you now?"

"A steady beat." she answered, "Like a rhythm."

"Rhythm?"

She turned around and had Peter lay back. She kissed him and started to demonstrate what she meant.


Two days later, Valerie apartment was moved into and the guys were hugging her one at a time to say good bye. They went on to the car leaving Peter and Valerie alone for a few minutes.
 

"I refuse to say good bye." she told him.
 

"It's not good bye." he told her. He put his arms around her and held her. "You need your space to get your studying done. I need to get back to concentrating on my music." he told her.

She nodded into his chest. He moved to give her a kiss. "If you ever need me, you call. I'll be here as soon as I can."
"I know." she told him.

"Hang in there. I know you'll do great. Your smart and talented." Peter told her in his pep talk.

"I couldn't do this without your support. Just knowing you are behind me is great."

"Four weeks and you'll come visit?"

"You bet." she told him.

They kissed then pulled apart. They went downstairs to the Monkee Mobile. Peter got into the back seat and Mike started up the car. Mike pulled away and she waved to them as they left.
 

Once the car was gone, she took a deep breath, this was the beginning of the next chapter of her life. She had hang on or she would miss it.
 

Valerie turned to go back to her apartment to started reading ahead for her classes.

Mike gave Valerie a hug before going downstairs. Davy and Micky soon followed. They got in the care waiting for Peter to come down.

Mike sat at the drivers seat.

"Thin she'll be okay here?" Micky asked. Over the last few weeks, Micky had become protective of her. Maybe her tongue lashing gave her the respect from him, Mike could only theorize.
 

"It looks to be a nice neighborhood." Mike told him.
 

"Peter wouldn't put her in harms way." Davy told them.
 

"I'm going to miss her being around the house." Micky told them.
 

"I'm going to miss the side show." Davy told them.
 

"Davy," Mike scolded him.
 

"For a first timer she has no hold ups." he said with a smile.
 

Peter and Valerie came down the steps hold hands. They kissed on more time then parted. Peter got into the car and looked back.

Mike started the car and pulled out into traffic. They kept watch on her while the moved away.
 

Peter sat silently, looking out the window. Davy nudged him after awhile. "You okay?"
 

"Yeah, just thinking. I'm going to miss her."
 

"We're all going to miss her." Mike told him
 

The drove south, Micky started singing, Take the last train to Clarksville, and the others joined in.

@ 2005 Tommy Boy fan fiction * design and content by Paula C. *