Superman

It's Friday night and I'm sitting here in the dark.  Jim, my roommate, is actually out on a date, something that is unusual for him.  But it hurts.  Why? You ask.  Because I have something I need to tell him and I'm to chicken to tell him.
While sitting here contemplating my current problem, I have the radio on and I hear this song that echoes how I feel.

*  I can't stand to fly
*  I'm not that naive
*  I'm just out to find
*  The better part of me

Well I can't fly like that, afraid of heights.  Man, am I ever.  But this is a metaphor.
I've been around the world, been there done that.  I've done things that most people would never believe.  I'm not shocked, I'm unshockable.
Jim.  Damn.  Think he would let me live if I told him that?   I'm thinking that I should ask him. 
I know from living with Jim that he has had past experiences with men.  The question is, would he even consider having a relationship with me.  I'm bi, but I haven't been with another man since moving in with him. 
I know that if we could make this final frontier, we would find something that we don't have right now.  Peace.  Peace in knowing that we are there for each other in every way.  That would be so cool.

*  I'm more than a bird; I'm more than a plane *
*  More than some pretty face beside a train *
*  It's not easy to be me  *

He tells me that I'm just a skirt chaser, going at like a table leg.  If only he knew.  I was looking away from my heart's desire.  I know women notice me.  It's my own curse. Well I can use it to my advantage but it does have its drawbacks.  But I would leave it all behind if I could have the one thing I want.  Contradiction is in it?  I might be able to have any girl I want but I want my roommate.
*sigh*
Why can't I make things easy?  Oh, forgot, I never make things easy.

*  Wish that I could cry
*  Fall upon my knees
*  Find a way to lie
*  About a home I'll never see

I would fall upon my knees and beg him.  No, that would work.  Man, what am I doing?  I'm about to get kicked out of the only home I've ever known.  What am I thinking?

*  It may sound absurd; but don't be naive
*  Even Heroes have the right to bleed
*  I may be disturbed; but won't you concede
*  Even Heroes have the right to dream
*  It's not easy to be me

Absurd, yeah that's me, absurd to think I may have a chance with him.
He's called me a Hero.  I've been through a lot because of him, had experiences that I so do not want to repeat.  I have bled for him.  I have stood by his side and taken so much shit.  And what do I get?  I'm home, alone, pining over him.  I do have a right to dream.  Can I have him?

· Up, up and away; away from me
· It's all right; You can all sleep sound tonight
·  I'm not crazy - or anything

*laughing with a snort* 

I'm not crazy?  That is not what he says about me.  He wonders about me, if I have any common sense.  Well I am crazy, crazy in taking care of him.  Keeping him safe, his damn senses taking him into zones if he's not careful.  He needs me.

· I can't stand to fly
· I'm not that naïve
· Men weren't meant to ride
· With clouds between their knees

Men weren't meant to be with other men.  Dreaming to have a solid muscle body under me.  Damn.  Now I'm fantasizing.  I need to get out.

*  I'm only a man in a silly red sheet

Flannel

*  Digging for kryptonite on this one way street

No, keeping my best friend from zoning.  I could never hurt him.  Maybe I won't say anything.  I should keep this secret to myself.

*  Only a man in a funny red sheet
*  Looking for special things inside of me

*sigh* A man in flannel trying to tell his buff, ex army op guy that he loves him.   I have so much to give to him way beyond what I'm giving him now.

*  It's not easy to be me.

Well that leaves me the back to where I started.  I'm sitting here in the dark waiting for him to come home from his date.

Two hours later ….

(Blair is still awake pondering if he should tell Jim or not.  Jim finds Blair awake in the loft.)

While walking down the hall, Jim opened his senses, locating his Guide.  Blair was still awake.  Jim had been troubled during his date.  He kept finding himself talking about Blair.   

Opening the door, Jim was surprised to see the loft bathed in darkness.  He did hear the stereo playing however.  Dropping his keys into the basket, he made his way over to the couch and sat down in front of Blair.

"Why are you so up late Chief?"

Blair looks up at his friend and took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you could be my Superman."

Superman

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird; I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd; but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed; but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away; away from me
It's all right; You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy - or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.
 

@ 2005 Tommy Boy fan fiction * design and content by Paula C. *