Confessions

The loft was so quiet.  He didn't know that quiet could be so deafening.  Maybe he had dialed his hearing to the point of non-hearing, he didn't know.  He didn't speak out to see.  He would live with the quiet for the moment.

He didn't know what the hardest thing he had to deal with, the loss of his guide, friend, brother or the future of living with that loss over time.

Blair tried, fought for him, but in the end he had no strength left.  The toll on his body was to much to endure.  He begged Jim to let him go.  In the end Jim did let go, out of his love and respect for his friend.

Now he was back home, in their home, alone.  No chatter to great him, or smell of some great dinner.  It was just him in a cold, empty apartment.

One thing that Blair had told him, was when he was gone, that he had something to give to him, his journal. 

"It's in the bookcase.  The read leather bound notebook.  Read it."

Now he was drawn to the room.  Slowly opening the door he enters what was once Blair's domain.

He looked over the bookcase and found the referenced book.  Pulling it out, he returns to the living room, not daring to spend much time in the room that held to many reminders.

He sat down on the sofa and looked at the book for a moment, then opened it.

The first entry was shock to him.

Today I found my holy grail.  A Sentinel.  He exists.  My dreams have come true and my life has not been in vain.

Jim, he's shocked, shocked I know what is wrong, and shocked in what he is.

But I will help him.

I also found something else today.  I believe in love in first site.  He's the man in my dreams, the dreams that have haunted me since I started my quest.

I had no idea that the quest for love and my sentinel was one in the same.

I don't dare tell him that I saw him ten years ago in a dream.  That I know.   No.  He's got enough to endure than to have me making passes.  No.  I'll stand down and be what he needs.  A friend.

I will confess only here, my love.


Jim closed the book.  Tears were slipping down his cheeks. 

It was a confessions after death.  Blair had declared his love to him.

"Damn you Blair!" Jim called out to the room, breaking the silence.  "I loved you too, damn it."

Jim broke down with a sob and cried for what he had lost.

@ 2005 Tommy Boy fan fiction * design and content by Paula C. *