The Kiss

Monday

After finishing up her morning details that Janet had left for her to tend to, Tommy Boy wanted to be outside for a while.  She had heard that Rawhide was going to be working in the stables.  She walked down to the stable to see if Rawhide needed any help and perhaps ride later in to the pastures. 
Rawhide tended to take the time at the stables to be alone, but he rarely said no to someone helping him.
Tommy Boy leaned against the paddock door, watching him lift bales of hay form one side to another. Dressed in his jeans, cowboy boots.  He had discarded his chambray shirt.  Tommy Boy watched every contour of his muscles move with his exertion of work.
The horses that were currently in the stable were Hercules, Thunder, Rawhide’s favorite, Athena, Tommy Boy’s favorite, Socrates, and Isis.
Athena whinnied when she caught sight of Tommy Boy.
Rawhide turned around to see Tommy Boy standing by the door, watching him..
“Need a hand?” she asked.
He answered her, “muck out stall one.”
Tommy Boy moved forward, it was a job that had to be done.  Tommy Boy rarely complained to any job Rawhide asked her to do.  He had taught her the riggers of working in the stable.  Physical labor didn’t bother her and she agreed with Rawhide to a level that it was good for the soul.
   She found a pitch fork and a wheel borrow.  She started working on getting the stall cleaned out for a horse.  She hummed tunes while she worked. 
Rawhide smiled to himself in that he liked having her help and be near.  He watched her while he worked his jobs.  He knew in his heart that he loved her.
Tommy Boy wheeled out the muck to the pile outside and came back in.  Rawhide was already laying new straw.  She joined in, breaking up the bales to leave a layer of straw for the horses.
For some reason however, they started having a straw fight, throwing it and tossing it at each other.  They laughed and wound up on the ground. 
Rawhide fell on top of her.  He stopped laughing and looked down at her.  Without hesitation he kissed her.  First he was tentative, glancing taste of her lips.  She opened to his invitation and he tasted what she offered him.
  He lifted up and Tommy Boys eye’s opened.  She looked at him with questions.
He returned for another kiss.  Tommy Boy’s arms went up around his neck he deepened the kiss, showing a glimpse of his passion that he had so long held in check.  If he had lost all sanity he would of plundered like the rogue he acted to be but he didn’t want to scare her, the love of his life.
After several minutes he pulled back, checking himself.
He lifted up, leaving Tommy Boy confused.  She trusted him to show her.   Rawhide rolled onto his back and pulled her to look at him.  He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead.  He had her lay in his arms and played gently with her hair.
“Sorry,” he told her.  “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for so long, I had to....” ‘Taste what you had to offer’ he continued the thought in his head.
“Had to ....”
How can you say that you wanted to love her for four years?  To show that someone was there to love her, protect her. “Kiss you.”
They had been though much.  In her five years with Buckaroo she had been through hell sometimes, but he was always there for her.
“You know that I love you,” he asked after a moment of silence.
“Yes.” she answered
“And that I would try my best not to hurt you.”
“Yes.”
“I want to love you.  I want to show you what it is to have some one cherish you.”
Tommy Boy was silent.
“But you will pick the time for that.  I am not going to over power you.  I know that you would go with me right now if I asked but you need to make the decision when.  Not me.”
Tommy Boy sat up and looked down at him.  “Why?”
“Because I want it to be special.  The way you want it.”
She leaned down and gave him a kiss.  She explored him, like he had done to her.  He held her back and neck comfortably.  She broke off the kiss and sat up.  “Can we try this a few more times, perhaps in the field by the cabin?”
“I think that can be arranged, after the chores are down.”
“Why aren’t they done?” she questioned him with a smile. Trying to spar whits with him.
“Because the two of us have been fooling around.” he answered
“I guess we better get back to work then.”
“I guess we should.”
They got up and helped each other get straw off their clothes.  Then worked on the other stalls.  After an hour they were down putting new bedding down for the horses. 
They saddled up Isis and Thunder and headed for a late morning ride to the cabin and pond on the property.

*********

Tuesday

Tommy Boy woke her normal time 6:00 am.  She dressed to do a half hour work out in the gym.  Free weights and work on the bags.  No one was in the gym at the time so she kept her energy and thoughts centered on what she was doing.

She was in the cafeteria by 7 am.  Buckaroo, Peggy, and Rawhide were already seated, making casual conversation.  Tommy Boy acted preoccupied. 
“So what is on your agenda today Tommy Boy.” Buckaroo asked.
“Mark should have a final version of the game done today.  I’m doing code analysis then we should be ready for the test next week.  I have 20 game skilled kids coming in next week to try it out.  If Mark passes their inspection Version 3 will be ready to produce in a month or so.”
Buckaroo knew how to merchandise, and we did it with educational games.  Showing good versus evil.  Kids wanted to be Buckaroo, Rawhide, Peggy and me.  To be a hero wasn’t so bad.  You could use it to your advantage and Buckaroo did that.
“Glad to hear that you are coming along with that.”
“Plus Linda will be here this afternoon for a session.”
Linda, my friend and psychiatrist.  For five years I had been giving her my life in detail and analysis why I suppressed, dismissed or subject gated periods of my life.  Today she was going to get an earful.  Rawhide knew it.
I had to tell her that I made it to the threshold that she and the guys had been wanting me to forge.  It was just a matter of time before I would walk into the room.
Buckaroo felt a shift in emotion at the table.  He looked to Rawhide and saw something that he hadn’t seen for awhile.  He couldn’t put a name to it.  It figured he would find out soon enough.
They left from breakfast.  Peggy to her library studies.  Buckaroo and Rawhide went up to Buckaroo’s office.  Tommy Boy went to her office to start working on the reading of the code.  She had a 10 am appointment with Linda, and she wanted to meet her outside the Castle.

Rawhide followed Buckaroo into his office.  He closed the door behind him. 
Buckaroo looked at his friend.  Rawhide looked like a man who had a secret.
“So... spill it.  You are dying to tell me something.”
“Simply said, I kissed Tommy Boy yesterday.”
Buckaroo looked at his friend.  For four years he had known that Rawhide and Tommy Boy were pining for each other.  Tommy Boy had been going through stages of knowing herself and what she was capable of.  That is why he had Linda to see her.  To work out everything that her family and it’s history had done to her.  Tommy Boy was afraid to love even herself.  But she knew in her heart that Rawhide was the one she loved. 
And Rawhide loved her.  He protected her while he could.  He complained at times to Buckaroo that he wish to hell that she would come around. 
Buckaroo was there when Rawhide fell off the wagon and did one night stands and had to listen to Tommy Boy ask questions about men and lecture and remind Rawhide about his love for Tommy Boy.
“And?”
“If I let my mind go, I would have ravaged her in the stables.”
“So you.”
“We kissed, then took a ride out to the cabin.  And kissed some more.”  Rawhide looked out the window.  “There is so much passion, the love in her. I don’t know if I will survive when we do it.”
Buckaroo laughed.  “So when will the event take place.”
“It’s up to her.  I told her that she has to tell me when she wants to.  She would have yesterday with no questions but I want her heart in it.”
“It’s scary to me.” Rawhide said adding an angle to what was going on.
“What’s scary.” Buckaroo asked
“Remembering back to her diary.  It struck me odd about a few things.” Buckaroo looked at him. “She seemed to not to know anything of the feelings about being in love.  She never talked about feeling satisfied, filled, it was all dry.  Nothing like how she reacted yesterday.”
“You know what they say, it takes the right one, the right time.”
Rawhide knew that he was in a precarious position.  He was teacher, lover.  What he did in reaction was to be the overall tone to their relationship.
Tommy Boy met Linda in front on the entrance to the Institute.  “I want to talk to you at the falls.”
They walked into the informal gardens and sat down at a bench that overlooked the falls.
“This is your special place.” Linda told her.
“And I have something special to say.” she told her friend.  “Rawhide and I kissed yesterday.”
Linda smiled, finally the dam was about to burst. She thought to herself.
Tommy Boy explained the events of yesterday.  “I can’t believe how easy it is to be with him.  He tried to be the perfect gentleman all day.  I didn’t hold anything back in my feelings to him.  And I know he knows it.”
“You trusted him.”  Linda asked then turned to a statement “You trust him.  He has saved your life more than once, and you for him.  You two have the best friendship that I know of.  You two have what people look for in a life time.”
Tommy Boy looked at the water.  “He told me that it will be my decision to when we make love.”
“So what is holding you back?”
“I don’t know.  If I went today he would stop me.  I know it.  To soon to the initial shock maybe.  I think I know when I’ll make my move.”
“Good for you.”
“Want to go shopping tomorrow?  I need a few things.”
“Where?”
“New York.  Hop the helicopter in shop for the day and ride back.”

Wednesday

Peggy was invited to go on the shopping trip.
Peggy was eating breakfast with Rawhide and Buckaroo at 7:30. 
“You are dressed conservative today.” Rawhide made a comment to his friend.
“Shopping.  TB and Linda are going to the city to go shopping.”
Buckaroo eyed Rawhide.  “Any particular places?”
“I think I heard Fredricks.” she eyed her husband.  “Do you two know something I don’t?”
Both men smiled a knowing smile.  “Out with it Buckaroo Banzai, I deserve to know if something is up.”
“Your honor Rawhide.”
“Tommy Boy and I finally kissed.”
Peggy laughed and hugged her friend.  Then the wheels started turning in her head.  “This will be a fun shopping trip.”
Linda and Tom Boy came into the cafeteria and got a bag and filled it with Bagels and fruit.  They walked over to Peggy, and the boys. 
“So how are you getting to the city?”
“Hopping a ride with Lindley, he is getting supplies for motor support.  So it will free up the driving time.”
“Well, don’t let my wife go crazy with the credit.”
“Now husband, it’s been awhile since I have added to my bordure.  So hush.”
Rawhide motioned to Tommy Boy to come around.  He whispered in her ear.  “My favorite color is red.”
Tommy Boy blushed as red as she thought.
With that the girls left the cafeteria and left Rawhide and Buckaroo behind.  “Rawhide, be scared.  The three of them could mean more trouble than anything.”

Thursday night

  Every time Tommy Boy thought about a dream with Rawhide she would hear her father telling her she was a whore. She woke up in a cold sweat. With sleep not coming she changed into shorts and a t-shirt and went to the work out room.
Tommy Boy took it on the bags. Pound it out of her if she could.
Rawhide went to the kitchen for a sandwich. He himself couldn't' sleep.
He stopped by the intern at the desk. "Everyone in?"
"Buckaroo is in his office. Tommy Boy went up to the studio."
Rawhide decided to go check on her. He went up the stairs and entered the room. Watching her form. She punched and kicked the bag. She was going non-stop. He could hear her say things while she hit it.
All of sudden she stopped, showing that she was crying.
Rawhide went over to her. She was sobbing. He picked her up and held her to him. She cried for a few minutes then quieted down. She had buried her head into his chest.
He sat down, still holding her. “Why did my father hate me so?”  She asked Rawhide.
“What brought this on?” 
“All this week when I fall asleep, I hear him.  He tells me terrible things.”  She looked at him.  “He calls me a whore.” 
Rawhide held her to him trying to protect her.  “You aren’t a whore Tommy.”
To him she was a saint, she hadn’t been with anyone in all the time she had been with them.  For a while it never crossed her mind to go out and be loose. 
He gathered her up and they went down to her room.  Save for taking off their shoes he laid down with her on the bed.  Slowly she fell asleep. 
He got up and took off his shirt and laid it over her.  He found his shoes and went out the door.  He put on his boots then went to his room to get another shirt.  He went down to Buckaroo’s office. 
He knocked. 
“Yes.”
   “Rawhide,” and he went on in. 
“Up late or up early?” 
“Up late.” he sat down in the leather chair facing Buckaroo’s desk.  “We got a problem.   With TB.” 
Buckaroo looked at his friend.  “Yes?” 
“Found her upstairs kicking and punching the crap out of the bags.  Then all of a sudden she caves in, crying.  Apparently when she has been going to sleep she has been dreaming of me.  However she is being interrupted by her father.”
Buckaroo sat there thinking.  “What do you think it is?” 
“There is something that is so suppressed that it hasn’t’ come out yet in her counseling.”
“I agree, what I’m thinking I don’t like.” 
“Hypnosis?” 
“It’s the only way to bring it out.  Get Linda here in the morning so we can get this out.”
“I’ll call her now.  Then I’m going back to Tommy Boy’s room.  Make sure she gets some sleep.”  
Tommy Boy woke with a start to her door closing.  She moved to get her gun. 
“Friend.” Rawhide called out, seeing her move. 
She relaxed.  She turned on the bedside lamp.
  Rawhide took off his boots and lay down beside her. 
“Where did you go?” 
“Had to take care of a few things.” 
She rested against him.  “Get some more sleep.”  She nodded and drifted asleep in his arms.

Friday

  Tommy Boy’s alarm went off at 7:30.  Rawhide shifted while she reached to turn off the alarm. 
Tommy Boy sat up and sat on the edge of the bed. Rawhide watched her.  “Sorry about this morning Rawhide.”  She felt a little ashamed that he emotions were so visible. 
“Don’t be.”  He got up himself.  “We need to hurry and have breakfast Linda will be here at 8:30.” 
“Linda is coming in today?”
  “Yeah, gave her a call this morning.” He looked at his favorite girl.  “We are going to find out today what is going on in that brain of yours.”  He smiled at her.  “Then we will take care of business.  See you in 20 minutes at your door.” 
Tommy Boy showered and dressed, and to his word, he was at her door at eight o’clock.  They went to breakfast together.  They sat with Buckaroo and Reno.  Tommy Boy remained quiet while the others discussed events and plans for the coming weekend. 
Linda came in at 8:30.  They went to Buckaroo’s office.  Everone sat down in the sitting area. 
Tommy Boy related what she was trying to dream about and how she started hearing her father’s words.  That it had been off and on but since she had kissed Rawhide they were coming every night. 
“I want to put you in hypnosis.  See if we can uncover what you are blocking.  As we know, you and Valerie are two different people.  Maybe she knows something.”
  Tommy Boy looked to Rawhide and Buckaroo.  They agreed that it was the best way to go.
  Linda had brought a tick-o-meter.  She positioned it on the table to face Tommy Boy.  “Watch the hands, go back and forth.  Follow them with your eyes.”  Slowly Tommy Boy’s eyes went closed. 
Linda talked to her in an even tone voice.  “Tommy Boy?  Can you hear me?” 
“Yes.”
“I would like to talk to Valerie.” 
After a few moments we heard a slightly different voice. “Yes.” 
“Valerie, we need to talk my dear.” 
“About?” 
“There is something you are holding back from us, to help Tommy Boy move on.”
“ Holding back?” 
“Valerie, do we know everything that your father did to you?” 
Tommy Boy held her hands together “No.” she said weakly. 
“We need to know everything Valerie.  There is something that is coming out.”
Valerie had tears.
Buckaroo sat next to her, “Valerie, it’s okay to tell.” 
“I promised I wouldn’t” 
“No one is going to hurt you.  He’s gone.  Your father is dead.”  She looked at Buckaroo.  He took her had and asked again. “Tell us what he did.” 
“After mom was gone.  When my body changed, he came to...” she stopped. 
Buckaroo squeezed her hand, “It’s okay.” 
“At night, he came to my room.  He came to my bed and...”she stopped for a moment.  “Touched me, told me that I was a whore like my mother, to treat me like one.  He made me feel uncomfortable, my body shook.  Every night he would come to my room when he was home for two years.”
  It was out.  What they had suspected was true.  Buckaroo hugged her.  In the past he had thought if her father wasn’t dead, he would have done it himself.  Again he felt that way. 
“It’s okay,” he told her.
  “I did everything he told me to yet he still did it to me.  Why did he hate me so?”  Tommy Boy knew the answer to that one.  She had revealed what she knew about her family to him the year before.  That Dr. Frenwick was not her biological father, that her mother had other relations and that she got pregnant with twins.  The Doctor knew of this so he played control games with the twins.
“As you suspected and what Tommy Boy found out, he was not your biological father.” 
She seemed to take that answer. 
Buckaroo laid her back.  Linda told her, “you will let Tommy Boy know this.  Let her know what your father did to you.  She needs to know to move on.” 
“Move on.” she repeated. 
“Tommy, you will remember what was revealed by Valerie today.  Let the one’s who love you and move on.  Remember that you are loved.  Rawhide loves you with all his heart.  Buckaroo and Peggy support you.  That your father is dead and gone that you are a beautiful bright girl who has held herself true to herself for 5 years.  When you hear the demon of the father within you let them know.  Know in your heart that you cannot be hurt my him no more.” she ended her peach.
  “You will come out on a count of ten, but you will sleep.”  She counted to 10 and Tommy Boy went limp. 
Rawhide stood by the window.  His energy so pent up with hatred he had for her father.  Buckaroo walked over to him.  “You okay buddy.” 
“What did he not do to her?” 
“Apparently all but rape her, but he had his friend do that.” 
“It’s funny, when she is fully Tommy Boy, there is so much passion in her.  It is as night, when Valerie creeps into her mind that the memories come back.” 
Linda broke in at this point.  “I have a feeling, Valerie will be gone after this.  This was her last secret that she had.”  Linda looked concerned.  “Tommy Boy’s identity will emerge stronger.  She has the knowledge, knows that it was holding her back.  She’ll move on.” 
She looked at Rawhide; “I think you my dear will have a Tigress on your hands when you two meet up.” she smiled. 
Buckaroo had to laugh at the thought.  “Rawhide, I hope that you can keep it up a whole night.  Once she is unleashed there is no turning back.” 
Rawhide smiled. 
The three of them were looking beyond and knew that the future held promise for Tommy Boy and himself.
  “Well, I need to get back to my office.  Let me know how the day goes.” 
“I’ll call you tonight.” Rawhide told Linda.
“Thank you Linda.” 
“I’m glad to help, sorry I didn’t get it earlier.” 
“As we know that the human mind has it’s own doors.  That one was buried under her normal power.  We helped it along, that is all.” Buckaroo told her. 
Tommy Boy slept on the couch.  Rawhide laid an afghan over her.  “I’ll bet she’ll sleep all day.” Rawhide told Buckaroo.
“We’ll leave her here and check on her.”

@ 2005 Tommy Boy fan fiction * design and content by Paula C. *