It was Xander’s turn to pace. The bottles were lined up on the island in the kitchen. There were chips and pretzels on the table. Movies were rented. Music selected. He had finally extracted a promise from Spike that when Buffy came after him, he would allow Xander to intervene. They were due here any minute. Xander knew they were all coming in a group, Giles had agreed to be the designated driver, so at least they would all know at once. He paced again.

“Pet, you’re making me dizzy.”

Spike leaned against the refrigerator, looking the picture of calm. He actually was coiled like a snake, having reviewed all possible exits in case the Slayer reacted very worse than Xander thought.

“Can’t stand this, tell you what, let’s leave. Did you like Brazil, let’s go to Brazil. Always wanted to see Rio.”

Spike let out a laugh at that. “Don’t forget, this little shindig was your idea. Now, you sure you want to go through with this?”

“No. Yes. Fuck.”

“Well, that would let them in on our little secret wouldn’t it. Walk in to find us going at it on the floor.” **Hmm, not a bad idea, that.**

“Spike, that’s not helping.” **Great, now I’m nervous and horny. Just great!**

They heard the elevator, the sounds of the voices coming up the shaft. Then footsteps, then the loud knock. Xander looked over at Spike, who mouthed “love you”. With that, Xander opened the door.

“Welcome to our humble abode.”

They all came pouring in, thankfully, Buffy was at the back. The praise washed over him. “Great place, wow, do you have the whole thing to yourself, whose Jeep, oh, like the couch, it’s huge,” all one big blur of noise.

Then Anya’s voice. “Hey, Spike, didn’t know you were invited.”

Everyone turned at that and Spike slowly moved to stand by Xander. **Here we go.**

Buffy turned to Xander, “You invited him, why would do that?”

Xander swallowed hard, reached out, took Spike’s hand and looked her straight in the eye.

“Didn’t invite. He lives here.”

The room went perfectly still as all attention focused on Xander’s hand grasping Spike’s. Once again, it was Anya’s voice which broke the silence.

“Well, it’s about time you two said something, do you know how hard it’s been to keep acting like it’s a big secret.”

She came bouncing over and kissed Xander on the cheek, tilting her head and deciding to kiss Spike as well, memorizing the expression of shock on his face.

“Yeah,” said Willow, pulling Tara over with her. “I mean, it’s not like you guys have been subtle or anything.” She leaned over to kiss Xander as well, chuckling as she saw his grip on Spike’s hand tighten.

Tara just looked at them shyly. “Seriously, Xander, Spike, didn’t you notice that when we had that party last week, the invitation said Xander and Spike.”

At least this got some reaction. Xander and Spike looked at each other. No, they hadn’t noticed.

“But, how, I mean, we were careful, how, what,” Xander began to sputter.

Willow, Tara and Anya just burst into gales of laughter. “Xander, you’ve been walking around on cloud nine for like, a month and Spike’s been even worse. Besides, he looks at you the way I look at Tara.”

“Besides, you are men. You have men subtlety. Like the leaving five minutes apart thing.” Anya just shook her head. “So obvious. And, just a suggestion: just because we’re human, well sort of, doesn’t mean we can’t smell sex if you give each other orgasms right before you leave.” She rolled her eyes. Men.

Spike and Xander just stared at each other, shocked. They realized, however, that Buffy and Giles were standing perfectly still. As one their heads turned.

Buffy just stared back at them, the emotions clearly written on her face. Fury, disgust, rage, urge to kill. She stalked quickly over and Xander immediately placed himself between Spike and Buffy. **Oh shit, here it comes.** Xander saw her reach down and he felt Spike tense, ready to run. “Buffy, c’mon, let me explain,” he began then saw her hand quickly flinch up, throwing the water in his face.

“Hey, what was that for,” he yelped out as Spike began to hiss behind him as the holy water splashed onto him. Spike jumped away from Xander, who was still staring down at Buffy. Buffy just looked back at him, confused.

“Xan, he didn’t, you’re not, you know, a vamp? He didn’t turn you?”

“Fuck, no, you stupid bint,” Spike called from, relative, safety behind the counter. “Why would I turn him?”

Buffy just stared back as Xander continued to drip. She had to admit, she was more than a little confused. “Need a minute here guys. Apparently, someone forgot to give me the memo that said you two hooked up.” She grabbed Xander and yanked him forward, ignoring the growl that instantly came from Spike. “Why don’t you explain?” She let Xander go and noticed that Spike was instantly at his side, reaching out to touch him, then flinching back when he realized that he couldn’t, that Xander was drenched in the holy water.

“Are you done with the sudden water throwing?” Xander asked. This was not at all what he thought would happen. Apparently, Anya, Willow and Tara knew and seemed happy for them. Buffy had only tried to make sure that he hadn’t been turned, hadn’t tried to kill Spike, at least not yet. Giles was just staring at him.

“Yes.”

Giles cleared his throat, taking his glasses off and polishing them. So, he had been right. Xander had seemed much happier lately, and Giles had started wondering why. Then, about a week ago, he had heard Xander and Spike having a quiet conversation. He hadn’t heard the words, but he recognized the tone. “Why don’t we all grab a drink, I know I need one, and let Spike and, and Xander explain.”

Everyone nodded and moved to grab something, Xander still taking care to stay between Spike and Buffy who were trying to stare each other down. They moved to the living room, arranged themselves and then all looked at he and Spike expectantly.

“Well, since this doesn’t seem to be quite the surprise we thought, guess that’s good.” Xander started, not sure how to proceed. He looked over at Spike, smiled slightly and started up.

“Well, a few months ago, Spike and I started to become friends. Some stuff happened,” Xander’s face darkened for a moment and he looked back over. Spike just stared back, trying to will Xander his strength. Xander nodded and continued. “Anyway, stuff happened, and Spike was there and helped me deal. He moved back into the basement with me and when I got this place, he came along. Started feeling something more, then that night that he was attacked, we finally admitted what was happening. Told each other we loved each other,” a smile unconsciously crossed his face at that, “and now, well, here we are.”

Spike looked over at Xander’s friends as his mate finished. Giles looked back at him warily, Anya was grinning, Willow and Tara were beaming and Buffy, well she looked confused but not murderous. Much better than expected.

“So, you two are together,” Buffy started. This was completely unexpected. She looked back at Xander. “I didn’t know you were gay.”

“Neither did I,” came the quiet reply.

“And now you’re with Spike,” Buffy shook her head. Glaring over, she rose, stalking toward the blond who simply backed away. Xander again darted over to place himself between the two.

“Buffy, look, he didn’t do anything, I love him, you can’t stake him. This was my decision.”

Buffy just glared at him. “Fine. I won’t stake him, yet.” She pushed Xander out of the way, moving directly in front of Spike. “If you hurt him, in ANY way,” a stake quickly dropped into her hand, “Then I won’t hesitate for a second.” She pressed the tip of the stake into Spike’s chest. “I mean it. You hurt him, you’re dust.”

Spike just looked back down at her. “Slayer, if I hurt him, I’ll stake myself. Wouldn’t give anyone else the pleasure.”

Buffy just stared back at him, searching his face. The blue eyes stared steadily back, the truth apparent there. She pushed the stake back into her sleeve. “Fine. As long as we all understand.” She walked back over to the couch. “Now, I just want to make one thing clear, Alexander Lavelle Harris. I get to be just as nice and supportive of you and your vampire boyfriend as you were of me and mine.” She grinned. “So, how did you and Deadboy hook up?”

Spike and Xander stared at the ceiling. The party had gone quite well after that, everyone laughing, getting more and more drunk. Xander had gone to dry off and Spike went with him, still wary of the Slayer’s reaction. But, when they came back out, hand in hand, Buffy had just rolled her eyes but said nothing. The rest of the night had gone well, everyone sharing their best imitations of the look on Spike’s face when Anya had made the crack about the orgasms and Xander’s reaction to the water. Totally unexpected.

“Guess we were wrong about them,” Spike suddenly said.

“Guess so,” came the sleepy reply.

“Guess they really are your friends.”

“No, guess they really are our friends.”

“Guess so.”

With that, they both fell asleep.

Six months later

“I cannot believe you bloody got me back in Wal-Mart,” Spike growled out. The bribe this time had been the promise that he could push the cart.

“Well, you’re the one who ate all the ice cream and nothing else is open at this time of night. Morning. Whatever. Besides, we need some other stuff, too.” Xander looked down at the list. “Let’s start over with the toothbrushes, can get the other bathroom type stuff.”

Spike just nodded. He had finally talked Xander into going to college and, since Xander made sure to take afternoon classes, they were on almost the same schedule. Xander had fought him at first, but Spike could be very persuasive. Actually, it was the support that Spike had given that had convinced Xander to try. Xander had always wanted to go to college, but, since his grades were so bad, most people had just assumed he wasn’t that bright. Spike had finally made him see otherwise, had forced him to check into it, had called around, had gotten the information, had filled out the application, had sent in the check. Basically done everything but drag Xander to class the first day and Xander was pretty sure that Spike would have found a way to do that if he hadn’t gone on his own.

He was enjoying it, discovering that, yes, he was actually pretty smart. He hadn’t decided a major yet, but was taking his time. The most surprising part was realizing that Spike could actually be a huge help. Xander had gradually realized that Spike was far more educated then any of them had ever suspected. In fact, Xander had a sneaking suspicion that Spike had gone to university himself at some point. Xander hadn’t asked, he was waiting until Spike reached just the right state of intoxication.

“Need soap, too.”

Xander just nodded throwing cotton balls into the cart. “I’m going to go pick out toothbrushes, why don’t you get the soap then.” He started to move away, when Spike grabbed him.

“What, no kiss goodbye?” An eyebrow quirked up.

“I’m going ten feet.” A token protest.

“Your point being?”

Xander laughed, leaned over and kissed Spike. They usually didn’t kiss in public, not wanting to draw any undue attention, but it was 3:30 on a Wednesday morning, who could possibly see them.

“Always knew you were a fucking faggot.” The harsh voice slapped into them, the scent of alcohol close behind.

Spike instantly went rigid. He knew that voice. Xander’s bastard of a father.

Xander looked up, in shock. He hadn’t seen or heard from his parents since he left. He had no desire to even act like they were alive. Now, here his father was, watching him kiss Spike. He heard the growling come from Spike and reached out just as Spike began to spring forward. “Stop it, not here, security cameras,” he managed to hiss out, pulling Spike back with all his might.

Spike just continued to growl, yellow flickering through his eyes. The mere fact that piece of shit was still walking was an insult to everything he held dear. But he backed down.

“Dad,” Xander said, looking straight into his father’s eyes. “What I do with my life is none of your fucking business.”

“Don’t you speak to me like that, boy. You show some respect.” A finger reached out, jabbing towards Xander’s chest. That was too much for Spike. Moving in front of Xander, he let himself morph into full gameface. He saw the shock cross the bastard’s face, felt the scent of fear rush out of him. Good. At least he could do this.

“You don’t deserve to speak to him. You never speak to him again. You are nothing to him.” The words were a vicious growl and Spike’s hands clenched and unclenched as the longing to just rip the motherfucker’s head off raced through him. He felt Xander’s hand touch his back.

“Let’s just go. He isn’t worth this.” The words were spat out as Xander simply walked away, refusing to even look at the man who claimed to be his father. Spike followed, turning back for one last hiss.

Xander walked quickly out the doors, head high, Spike right on his heels. He made it to his Jeep before he started to shake. Spike immediately grabbed him, running his hands over Xander’s back, making quiet, soothing sounds.

“Fuck.”

“Yes, luv, that pretty much sums it up.”

“Can’t believe he still makes me feel like that.”

“I know,” Spike felt the tic on his cheek as he clenched his teeth together. “He can’t hurt you now, though.”

“I know.” Xander buried his head in Spike’s shoulder, taking a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent. “Let’s go, don’t want him to come out and see us.” Spike just nodded.

They got into the Jeep, Spike driving since Xander was still shaking too much, and drove home. Neither noticed the car following them.

One week later

Xander heard the elevator coming up. He glanced at the door. That was quick. Spike had just left for coffee about ten minutes before. Xander was studying for an American literature exam and needed the caffeine. He walked over, opening the door as he heard the footsteps approach, still reading the book in his hand. He pulled open the door.

“Hey that was fast,” he never got another word out as he felt the fist slam into his cheek. Shocked, he fell back, smelling the alcohol, feeling the rage coming from the man in front of him. His father stared down, hatred evident on his face.

“Fucking faggot, prancing about, everyone laughing at me,” he heard the words as his father grabbed him and threw him into the wall. The back of his head hit hard and he fell, seeing stars. He frantically tried to fight back, to reach the door, to get away. He felt the kicks to his ribs and he collapsed again, curling protectively to shield his face.

“You disgrace, should have killed you a long time ago,” again he was thrown to the wall, but this time closer to the door. He reached out, pulling away, just as he saw the gleam of steel in his father’s hand. “I can fix that though.”

Xander managed to hit the panic button on the alarm just as the knife was buried to its hilt in his chest.

Willow looked over at Spike. Buffy had called everyone, telling them only that Xander was hurt and was at the hospital. She and Tara had gone to pick up Buffy and Giles and Anya met them at the hospital. They were shocked when a police officer had met them at the door, then ushered them into the waiting room where Spike sat, staring straight ahead. He hadn’t looked up when they arrived, hadn’t indicated he knew they were there at all. But when Buffy had crouched next to him, asked him what had happened, he had answered in a flat, emotionless tone. Xander had been studying. He left. Xander had been beaten and stabbed. He was in surgery. That was all he had said. They had been given a private waiting area and were arranged around the room.

That was three hours ago. They were still waiting for news. Spike hadn’t moved the entire time, had just sat there, staring. Watching the door they had been told the surgeon would come through. Three hours and he hadn’t so much as blinked.

They all started when Spike suddenly jumped up and began moving for the door. A few seconds later, the door opened and a tall, dark haired man came into the room. He looked down at a chart in his hand then back up. “William,” he gently called.

Spike walked straight ahead, desperately scenting the air, trying to smell Xander on this man. He was shocked when the surgeon’s eyes met his. It was the same doctor who had fixed Xander those long months ago. The surgeon looked just as shocked.

“Master, I didn’t realize… Master, he will be fine. Please, don’t worry, he’s alive, he’s well, he will recover, he will be just fine.” Spike just continued to stare as the surgeon went on. “Master Spike, please, if you can just sit for a moment, so I can explain.” Dr. O’Rourke slowly became aware of the others in the room. Glancing over, he stopped cold. **Surely that’s the Slayer.** Shaking his head, he gently lowered Spike into a chair.

“He’s alive.” Spike closed his eyes, repeating the words. “He’s alive.”

“Yes, the knife pierced the pericardium, the sac surrounding the heart, but missed the heart itself. We were able to repair it without any problems.” Dr. O’Rourke could see the tension begin to drain from the vampire sitting next to him. “A few ribs were also broken but those were easily reset. He has a concussion, some other wounds. He’s in recovery now, probably will be there for a few more hours, we were in surgery for about four hours so the anesthesia needs some time to wear off. He’ll make a full recovery, just will be sore for a long time.”

Spike looked over, waves of gratitude hitting him. Twice, this man had saved his Xander twice.

“Doctor, I do not know how to thank you,” he began, hearing the waver in his voice. “He is my mate, my everything.” Spike stopped as the tears began to fall. “Everything. Are you sure he’s fine?”

Dr. O’Rourke nodded. “Yes. Now, he’ll need to stay here for a week or so, we had to crack open his chest,” he felt Spike go rigid next to him. “So, he’ll be in a lot of pain. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure we do the best we can to stop that. After that, it’ll be a few months until he’s completely back on his feet, but once he recovers, he’ll be just the same. There’s a private set of rooms on the seventh floor that are windowless, I’ll make sure he’s moved there. You can stay with him as long as you want.”

“Thank you.” The tears continued down Spike’s face, but he didn’t care, couldn’t care. Xander was alive, Xander would be fine. That was all that mattered. The surgeon stood and Spike stood with him. “Thank you.”

Dr. O’Rourke just nodded. “If you would like, I’ll take you down to recovery. No one’s really supposed to go in there, but I’ll make sure they leave you alone. Don’t be upset by all the machinery, it’s just monitoring equipment.” Spike nodded and began to follow the doctor, the rest of the gang fast on their heels.

They walked down a corridor, then into a large room. Xander’s bed was the only one there. Spike practically ran over, hissing at the sheer number of tubes coming from that frail body. He reached out, took Xander’s hand.

“Xander, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I love you, please, you’ll be fine, I’m sorry.”

Everyone else held back, just watching.

“Xander, I love you. Wake up soon. I want to see you. Please,” a quiet sob. “Please, forgive me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Any doubts that had remained about the depths of Spike’s feelings were answered by the sound of his voice, the despair and pain contained in the words. Spike reached out, tracing a finger over the faint scar on Xander’s neck.

“Mine. You are mine. I will avenge you. I promise that.”

“Master,” Spike heard the words, but refused to look up. Xander. Xander alive. Xander breathing. Xander’s heart still beating. “Master, we’re going to take him up to the room now, you can come with if you would like.” Spike just nodded. There was no way he was leaving Xander’s side. Not ever again.

The orderlies began to wheel the bed out, Spike still clutching Xander’s hand. They moved to an elevator, then all piled around as they rose to the seventh floor. The large entourage moved into a suite of rooms at the end of a long hall. Spike was forced to move as they arranged Xander in the room. Finally, he was allowed back, allowed to take Xander’s hand again. He felt Giles move behind him, heard the sound of something moving on the floor, felt himself being pushed down into a chair. His hand never left Xander’s hand, his eyes never left Xander’s face. He vaguely registered everyone else arranging themselves around the bed, but he didn’t care. Xander was alive. That was all that mattered.

His chest burned, his throat burned, his eyes burned, hell, his hair burned. Xander slowly came awake, hearing a strange beeping noise, aching all over. Gradually, the events of the night came back to him. He had been stabbed. He remembered that, then nothing else. He could feel something cool next to him and he slowly opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Spike’s face, red tracks from tears streaking the pale skin. Spike’s eyes staring into his, worry, pain, grief, a touch of furious rage. He felt Spike’s hand in his and he gave a quick squeeze.

“Love you,” he managed to croak out.

“Shh, don’t speak. I love you. I’m sorry.” Spike’s voice, thick with grief and pain.

“Not your fault.” Xander tried to continue but couldn’t, his mouth too dry. He suddenly felt an ice chip being held to his lips.

“Here, suck this, it will help. You’re in the hospital. They had to operate but you’ll be fine.” Spike’s voice trembled. “Everyone’s here, we’re all here, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Go back to sleep.” He didn’t want Xander to go, wanted him here, but Spike could see the exhaustion on his mate’s face. “I’ll be here when you wake up again, don’t worry.” A cool hand ran through Xander’s hair. “I’ll never leave you again. I love you. Sleep now.”

“Spike, love you.” He felt a gentle kiss on his lips.

“Sleep, we’ll talk when you wake up.” Xander just nodded, he was so tired. He closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

Spike just stared down at the battered body. “I swear, if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll feed you his heart.” He pressed another gentle kiss to Xander’s lips, then scooted the chair so that he could rest his head on the pillow next to Xander’s. He was so tired. Now that he had seen Xander, heard his voice, he could sleep. He quickly fell asleep, never noticing the soft hands wrapping a blanket around him, never feeling the kiss dropped on his brow.

Buffy stepped back, looking down on them, Willow at her side.

“He loves him.”

“Yes.”

“I hope someone loves me like that someday,” Buffy said softly.

“They will.”

Buffy just nodded. “Where’s that cop? I have to find out who did this.” Buffy stalked out of the room, everyone else following her.

“Buffy, why?” Giles called out, trying to keep up.

“Well, it must be human or Spike would have ripped it into tiny pieces already.” An evil look crossed her face. “So, I have a plan. I’ll find the monster who did this and let Spike tell me just how to torture him. I know it’s not quite the same, but it’s the best I can do.”

She continued down the hall, leaving a stunned group behind her.

“Get the fuck away from him.”

Spike stood toe to toe with the two men who were trying to wake his Xander. He had suddenly jerked awake, sensing something in the room and had found these bastards trying to shake Xander awake. He had instinctively started to slip into gameface, but the warning flash of pain had been enough to restore his control. He knew he had to maintain his human façade to ensure that he could remain at his beloved’s side. That didn’t mean he couldn’t still try to protect what was his, though.

“Sir, look, we need to speak with him.” One of the detectives held up his hands trying to calm the furious man in front of him. **Wow, they were right, he’s like an animal.** Officer Healy had warned them before going up that Xander had a very protective boyfriend and to be careful how they approached the situation. They had nodded, sure they could handle an upset partner. They hadn’t been prepared in the least for the predatory glare which now confronted them.

“Sir,” the other detective started, only to find vicious blue eyes staring him down. He stopped, swallowing hard. “Sir, we just need to talk to your boyfriend there, just need to find out what happened.” He spoke in what he hoped was a soothing manner, sure that the man before him was growling.

“Sod off. He’s sleeping.” The growling had changed to a snarl. “Heard you already know. The fucker broke in, stabbed Xander,” Spike’s eyes shut as his whole body shook at that thought. “Stabbed him, raped him,” Spike’s voice went quiet at that. He looked down, barely controlling his rage. He looked back up, only the shaking of his voice and the faint flickers of yellow in his eyes betraying him. “You showed up, shot the bastard. Brought him here.” Spike swallowed hard. “Not much else to find out now is there. Get out.”

The detectives turned as they heard several people enter the room. A small blonde, a middle aged man, a small redhead holding hands with another girl, yet another girl.

“Spike, what’s wrong? Who are they?” Willow moved quickly to his side, taking a hand, trying to calm him down.

“They’re leaving.” Spike continued to stare them down even as he curled his fingers into Willow’s.

“Sir, we really need to speak to him,” the detectives began again, only to find the small blonde had suddenly moved in front of them as well.

“No. He’s sleeping. Let him be.” Buffy folded her arms. This she could do. Some small way to protect Xander.

“Listen, we aren’t trying to hurt him.” **Great now there’s a whole group of them.**

“Spike.”

The small voice stopped everyone in the room. Spike turned and was by Xander’s side in an instant.

“I’m here, luv. I’m here.” He reached over to get some ice, running a cool hand through Xander’s hair, heart breaking as he looked into those brown eyes. “How do you feel?” Everything else faded away, only Xander mattered, only Xander remained.

“Like I got stabbed,” came the faint voice, a small smile crossing his lips. Spike just stared down at him. “Hey, give me a break, not at my best here.” He reached over, taking his lover’s hand.

Xander just stared into Spike’s eyes. He hurt. Everywhere. All over. The incision in his chest burned, his ribs ached with every breath. He could feel where his father had ripped into him. It didn’t matter. He was holding Spike’s hand, feeling Spike’s fingers in his hair, hearing the quiet purring rolling down. Happiness spread through him. He thought he had lost them all forever.

He gradually became aware that the room was filled, that the rest of the gang was there, that there were some strange men still fighting with Buffy.

“Spike, what’s going on?”

“Some stupid gits who want to talk to you. Slayer will make them go away.” Spike continued to smooth his hands over every part of Xander he could touch, careful not to pull any of the wires or tubes that still covered Xander’s body. “Do you hurt, do you want the doctor?”

“No, I’m fine.” He heard a snort at that. “Ok, not fine, but you know.” He swallowed, needing to know, but not wanting to ask. “You know what happened.” A statement.

“Yes. Do you know they shot him?” Spike’s eyes flashed yellow at the look of shame that suddenly crossed Xander’s face, the scent of it striking him. Spike took a calming breath, the unnecessary action focusing his attention away from the rage that still burned him.

“Is he alive?”

“Yes. Not for long.” The promise of it rang strong in Spike’s voice. Xander just nodded.

He looked up to see the two men still engaged in a furious battle with Buffy. He smiled again, the men seemed surprised that such a little thing was so effective at keeping them away. “Who are they?”

Spike just glanced up, uncaring. “Some wankers from the police, want to talk to you. Told them to sod off.” He spared another second to make sure that the Slayer was still holding them back. Good. **Knew she had some use.**

Xander nodded again then tried to sit up, a wave of pain hitting him as he did so. **That’s not a good idea.** “Um, Spike, what did they want to know?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“Spike, I’m going to have to talk to them,” Xander sighed. This was not going to go well, he was so tired, still a little hazy from all the medicine. However, the sooner he got it over with, the sooner it would be done.

“No,” Spike began. There was no way in hell that he was going to let them upset Xander, not now, not while those dark circles were under his eyes, that tube still under his nose, that thin line of blood visible where the incision had ripped open Xander’s chest. “No fucking way.”

“Spike, look I don’t want to do this either, but you know I have to, they’ll just keep bothering us if I don’t. Besides,” a small smile again crossed his face. “I’m still kinda drugged up, won’t remember it later I bet.” **Liar, liar, pants on fire.** The feel of his father’s hands throwing him into the wall, the sound of his father’s voice, the sick look of triumph on his father’s face when he raised the knife, the sound of it sinking into his flesh, the pain which had ripped him in two, the utter shock as his blood gushed out of his body, the agony of knowing, knowing that he would never touch Spike again, never get to say his name, never tell him he loved him, never again, all were burned into him. He would never forget that.

“No.” There was no way that Spike was going to let them upset Xander. No. **So pale, so cold…** “You’re cold, where’s another blanket?” Spike turned his head slightly. “Red, get me a blanket, there’s a luv.”

“Spike,” the vampire turned back, hearing the note of resolution in Xander’s voice. “Stop it. I have to do this. Have to get it over with.”

Spike looked down. He knew that look. The look that said “Hey, you won’t like it. Tough shit. Still doing it.” Spike let out another sigh.

“Fine, pet, but the rest are leaving.” No need to have an audience, besides, Spike knew there would be questions that Xander wouldn’t want to answer quite yet. He knew they would ask about all the past times, knew that Xander would finally have to discuss it, finally have to admit all that happened. It was going to be hard enough without having to tell his friends that way.

“Deal,” Xander nodded shakily. He didn’t want to see the looks on everyone’s faces, couldn’t deal with that quite yet.

“Sure, pet?” At the quick nod, he leaned over, kissed Xander quickly, then stood.

“Right. Well mates, against my better judgment, the whelp there will talk to you. But the rest of you have to leave.” He heard the protests, but ignored them. “Out. Now.” A low growl accompanied the words, making it clear there was no choice.

Giles gathered up the protesting gang, catching Spike’s eye on the way. There was something very wrong here. There was no reason for Spike to throw them all out if Xander was just going to give a statement about what happened. It may be upsetting, but surely Xander wouldn’t want to explain twice. Spike just looked back. Giles frowned. Something was very wrong. Giles heard Spike pull the door shut behind him, blocking out any further questions.

Xander let out a heavy sigh. It had not gone well at all. The detectives were polite, calm but insistent. They made him go through everything that happened over and over, and it had been all Xander could do to keep Spike from trying to rip their throats out. Spike had sat next to him, getting him water, holding his hand, trying to pour his strength into Xander. The worst had been when they had started questioning him about the rape. He didn’t remember it, not really. Once the knife had pierced his flesh, he had collapsed in agony. He vaguely recalled feeling his pants pulled down, but that was about it. But they had kept questioning him, kept pushing him and he had been forced to reveal everything, even things he had never told Spike. He had been very glad at that moment that Spike had turned his back to the men, because the second he mentioned how he could always tell when it was coming by the sound of the footsteps on the stairs, Spike had gone all vamp. The yellow eyes burned into his, a vow of retribution present there. One hand had continued to hold his, but the other had moved to the grasp the arm of the chair. Xander had focused on that hand as he spoke, the years of abuse pouring out of him, watching as Spike slowly crushed the arm, bending the metal into unrecognizable shapes.

When he had finished, he had been handed some business cards. Spike had ushered them out and then returned to his side. Xander had started to cry, but every breath just caused more pain. Spike had held him for a short time before getting a nurse, insisting that they give him some kind of pain medication. The medicine hit him fast and he had fallen into a heavy sleep. Now, he was awake once again and could hear the quiet fight above him.

“Look, Watcher, it’s none of your fucking business.”

“Spike,” the familiar sound of exasperation. “Be realistic. Sooner or later, we are going to find out what happened. It’s obvious that something beyond a simple attack occurred. Once the police press charges, everyone will know. You might as well tell us.”

He heard Spike pacing back and forth. “No. It’s Xander’s decision, it’s his right to tell. And if he doesn’t want to, then you lot had best leave him alone.”

“We aren’t trying to hurt him, we just want to know what happened,” Giles continued, only to be stopped by a vicious growl.

“Too bloody late for that. You lot had your chance for years. Didn’t even notice.”

“Notice what,” a huge sigh came from Giles. “Really, this secrecy is ridiculous. Whatever it is can’t be that bad.”

A disgusted snort. “Fucking humans. Think you know all about evil. You don’t know the half of it. Think you’re so smart. Can’t even see what’s right in front of you.”

“Spike, what ARE you talking about?” The confusion was evident.

“As I already said, none of your fucking business, Watcher. Get out.”

“No.”

Xander finally forced his eyes open, unable to listen any longer.

“Will you two shut up already?” Once again, Spike instantly came to his side. “What’s going on?” He looked over, Giles and Spike were the only ones in the room. “Where’d everybody go?”

Giles moved over and looked down. “I sent them to get something to eat. How are you feeling?”

“Like I was stabbed, covered that already.” Xander looked back up. “What’s going on?”

“That git!”

“Xander, I am just concerned.”

“Bloody ponce!”

“Now, there is no need…”

Xander interrupted again. “Guys, focus here. What’s the fight about?”

Spike turned back to Xander, shooting one last nasty glance over to Giles.

“They want to know what happened, won’t take no for an answer.”

“Xander, it’s more than that. It is obvious that this is something more than a random robbery or the like. We just want to know what truly happened.”

The concern was evident in Giles voice. He had not been able to get any information in the few hours that had passed. The police had finally told him that an arrest had been made, but they would say nothing else. However, he had found something which made his blood run cold. He had returned to the room after the detectives left and had entered when he saw Spike leave to get a nurse. Spike had left the cards sitting on a side table and Giles picked one up. A name and then one other line. Special crimes section. Giles felt his heart stop. He knew what that euphemism was used to describe. Rape and sexual abuse investigations. He had slipped out of the room, then sent the rest out for food, telling them that Xander was asleep anyway. He had come back to confront Spike when Xander had stopped them.

“Whatever it is, you can tell us, you know.” Giles removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. He had no idea how to handle this.

Spike’s head shot up, catching some faint undercurrent to the words. “Watcher, get out. Need to talk to my mate here in private for a minute.” Spike tried leering, figuring maybe those oh so perceptive eyes would mistake his intentions.

Giles nodded, not fooled in the least. “I’ll be right outside.”

Spike turned back to Xander, fussing with the pillows, making sure that Xander was comfortable. Xander put up with it for a minute, enjoying the attention, before he grasped Spike’s wrist.

“Spike, what’s wrong, there’s something, just tell me. Are you mad that I didn’t tell you all that stuff before,” tears began to spill down his cheeks.

“Bloody hell, no.” Spike placed his hands on either side of Xander’s face, gently pulling Xander’s head up to see his eyes. “No, I’m not mad at you. I’m going to destroy that fucking waste of flesh, but you have nothing to be ashamed about, nothing to worry about.” Spike dropped quick kisses on Xander’s head, aching to pull him into his arms.

“Stupid wires, can’t even hold you properly, hate fucking hospitals.” Spike closed his eyes, gathering his courage. This had to be done. “The police called earlier while you were asleep. They arrested that bastard. He’s going in front of a judge tomorrow. They are charging him with several things, attempted murder, breaking and entering, rape.” He steeled himself. **Now the hard part.** “They expect it to be on TV, in the papers and the like.” Spike felt the waves of anger, pain, shame and humiliation begin to pour from Xander.

“Everyone will know,” Xander’s eyes went wide. “Fuck, everyone will know, they’ll know, oh fuck.” **Hate me, know, hate me, dirty, hate me, know, know, leave me, hate me, dirty, dirty, dirty…** He began to shake as the shame burned him. “Everyone will know, have to leave, everyone will know.” He began to pant, ignoring the pain, the world going dark, blackness filling in the corners of his eyes. He began to unconsciously run his right wrist along the edge of the bed, needing the friction, needing the pain, feeling the IV begin to pull from his hand.

Spike hissed and then gently reached down and took Xander’s hands in his own, stopping the motion. Grief spilled over him, watching Xander pull further and further inside, watching him slip away, watching Xander lose everything they had fought so hard to gain.

“Xander, look at me.”

Xander just shook his head, closing his eyes tighter. **Can’t look, no, hate me, dirty, hate me…**

“Xander, please,” Spike’s voice broke, “Please, look at me. I love you. You didn’t do anything, you didn’t make him do this, you didn’t cause this. I love you. Always love you. Please, just please,” a hand reached up to caress the side of Xander’s face, the other still holding Xander’s right hand, trying to still the motion. “Please.”

It was the sound of pain in that last word that finally snapped Xander out of his thoughts, the sound of his own agony reflected there. “You, you love me, even after everything,” Xander’s throat closed and he took a shaky breath. “After everything, you love me?”

Spike just nodded unable to speak. He didn’t need to, the expression on his face revealing the truth.

Xander leaned up as far as he could and just managed to capture Spike’s lips with his own. Crushing them together, he began to kiss Spike with everything he had, ignoring the pain his actions caused. Spike responded in kind, the events of the last day destroying them both, burning them down until only this was left. Pain, rage, terror, hatred, love, longing, all were there, all mingling with the taste of salt and blood as the tears poured down both their cheeks. Finally, Xander was forced to pull away, forced to gulp in the air.

Spike leaned him back, letting Xander regain control. Xander’s breathing finally calmed, and he let out a small laugh.

“Surprised they didn’t come in when the heart monitor went nuts like that.”

Spike chuckled back, awed as always by the way Xander’s sense of humor survived everything. “Probably would have if it wasn’t for the camera.”

He quirked an eyebrow as Xander’s head tilted up to see that, sure enough, there was a camera over the bed. A smile slowly worked its way across Xander’s lips. **Hmmmm, camera.**

“So, there’s a camera over the bed. That could be fun. Spike, ever wanted to be in a porno?” The grin widened. He had tasted the truth of Spike’s words. Spike loved him, cherished him, didn’t think anything was wrong with him, thought he was pure.

Spike opened his mouth in shock and then smirked. “What makes you think I’m not already?” Xander grinned back. The smiles slowly faded as they heard footsteps in the hall.

“I have to tell them, don’t I?”

“Yes.” Spike moved down from his perch on the side of the bed. “Do you want me to do it?” Anything, he would do anything Xander asked.

“No, I will.” A deep breath, then Xander nodded. “I know just where to begin.”

Xander watched as everyone trooped back in, Buffy, Willow and Anya all coming over to kiss him gently on the cheek, Tara shyly waving and Giles just standing at the foot of the bed. Spike was now standing next to him, unable to sit. Giles looked over, seeing the tension coiling in Spike. Spike nodded.

“Ask away. You won’t like the answers.” The quiet words cut through the chattering in the room.

Giles just nodded. “Xander, why don’t you tell us what happened.”

A quick glance up to see Spike standing there, still but for the clenching of the muscles along his jaw. Xander took in one more breath then started, determined to get this all out at once.

“Ok, but it’s not a simple story. And no interruptions, have to do this once.” Another look up, a quick squeeze of Spike’s hand.

“Buffy, remember you asked how Deadboy and I hooked up? Didn’t quite tell you the truth. Right after Anya and I broke up, Spike stopped over to see me one night. He found me lying in a pool of blood in the bathroom. My father had beaten me pretty badly.” He heard the shocked gasps. He had decided not to tell them the entire truth, he couldn’t deal with that right now. There was no need to reveal everything just yet. “Spike got Willy to send a doctor to fix me up then he moved in with me to make sure that I wasn’t hurt again. Well, that night we told you I was mugged, that wasn’t exactly true, it was my father again. That’s when Spike told me I had to move and we left the next day. Then, about a week ago, we ran into my father at Wal-Mart, he saw us kissing, went nuts. Last night, **only a day ago, feels like forever** I was studying, sent Spike for coffee, heard the elevator, thought it was Spike, went to the door. It was my father, he threw me into the wall, called me a faggot, said, said, I was a disgrace, that he should have killed me a long time ago, then he stabbed me.” Xander stopped, out of breath from having run through it all so quickly.

He looked up to see the shock on everyone’s faces. It was Buffy who managed to speak first.

“Your father, your father did this to you,” her voice rose steadily. “Your fucking father, that bastard,” Buffy shook, furious. His father. His father.

Willow looked up, tears streaming down her face. “He hit you, did he always hit you, why didn’t you tell me, could have done something,” her breath began to hitch. How could she not have known.

Spike just watched them, waiting for the question, seeing it in the Watcher’s eyes.

“Xander, I am so sorry,” Giles voice came quietly drifting down. “I don’t understand though, why didn’t Spike just take you to hospital that first night? Why go through Willy, why not call us?” He heart was heavy, knowing the answer, sending prayers to every god he could recall that he was wrong.

Xander closed his eyes, unable to look at them as he said the words. “Because my father didn’t just beat me. He raped me, too.”

Dead silence. Then howling, the voices mingling. Buffy’s, Willow’s, Anya’s. A loud snap as something snapped in two. Through it all, Spike’s hand in his, grasping tightly, giving him strength.

“Raped you, he raped you, oh goddess, Xander,” Willow grasping his other hand. He forced open his eyes, seeing the agony on her face. “Xander, why didn’t you tell me, why didn’t you tell us, that’s horrible, how could he have done that,” Xander saw the realization hit her and saw her knees buckle, saw Tara rush to catch her as she fell.

“Not the first time, Xander, why didn’t you…” Willow began to shake. Best friend, her best friend, known him forever, part of her and she never knew. How could she not know.

“How long?” Buffy’s voice. Cold, clipped, insane. Xander forced himself to meet her eyes. They looked like Spike’s had that night, so long ago, when Spike had come racing into the basement. Absolutely burning hatred. Utter rage. Pure vengeance.

“Since I was eleven.”

Willow’s sobbing grew even harder, Tara trying desperately to calm her, to get her to breathe. Eleven. The words pounded into her. Eleven. All those years.

Spike just watched them, part of him enjoying the scene. They deserved this. Deserved to have their world destroyed, deserved to suffer for their blindness. Deserved to pay for their crime. They never saw, never wanted to see. Another part of Spike protested. That wasn’t true, they hadn’t seen because Xander hadn’t wanted them to see. Spike ruthlessly shut that part of his mind down. It didn’t matter. They had hurt what was his. Now they hurt in turn. It was only right.

Giles moved to stand in front of Spike. “You knew.” Blunt accusation.

“Yes, walked into the middle of it. Tried to kill the bastard but couldn’t. Fucking chip. Managed to slam him into the wall at least.” Spike’s voice was as cold as the Slayer’s.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Giles lashed out, trying desperately to find someone, anyone else to blame. It all made sense now. Xander’s jumpiness, the use of humor as a shield, the way he never talked about his family, the curious lack of self-preservation. He should have known. Maybe he had known but ignored it.

“Asked me not to. So I didn’t. Wouldn’t have now but it’s all going to come out.”

Giles slowly backed away, knowing Spike was telling the truth. Buffy quickly moved to take his place. They eyed each other levelly, silently reaching an agreement. Buffy turned to Xander, reaching out to take his hand.

“Xander, I’m sorry, I’m so terribly sorry,” Buffy stopped as the tears filled her eyes. No. She would weep later, now was not the time. “Just know this one thing. He will pray to die before Spike and I are through with him. He will beg and beg and we will show no mercy. I’m sure that Spike knows just how to keep him alive and, if not, I’m equally sure that Willow will find some spell. He will pay and pay dearly. I swear to you. I will not rest until I taste his blood. I will kill him for you.” The words rang in the room.

“No,” Xander started.

“Don’t give me the whole you’re the Slayer you can’t kill humans bit. That, that thing,” she spat the words out. “That thing isn’t human. I would go find him and do it now but I want to make it last and last.”

“No.” Xander said again. “No, you won’t kill him.” An evil grin spread across his face. “I have a much better idea.”

“What do you mean, another week?” The words were yelped out in unison, the frustration apparent in both voices.

Dr. O’Rourke took a deep breath, knowing they wouldn’t like the news. “Xander, you’re healing very nicely, everything looks great, but, still, you went through a significant traumatic event, followed by a major surgery. We just want to make sure that everything is fine before we send you home. We don’t want you coming back here, now, do we?” The voice was eminently reasonable, the logic impeccable.

A low rumble came from Spike. “Stupid git.”

A small smile crossed the surgeon’s face. Looked like the vampire had some sense, at least, and wasn’t trying to convince him to let his patient out early. It was obvious that the two of them were slowly going insane stuck here in this room.

“Xander, you’ve only been allowed to get out of bed for what, three days now, you’re still very weak. You are not up to any strenuous activity.” A harsh glare at the both of them. He didn’t want to think about what the two of them might be considering trying now that Xander had been allowed to walk. Two sets of completely innocent eyes looked back at him. **This isn’t good.**

“Doctor, I’m perfectly aware of my limitations.” Xander managed to keep the grin off his face and out of his voice only with a huge effort. “Trust me, I’m not doing anything strenuous.”

“Of course not, pet, you let me do all the work.” Spike smirked over, and Xander couldn’t help smirking back. That was true, Spike had been very gentle, very cautious, they hadn’t done anything more than kiss and touch one another.

Dr. O’Rourke just sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “Just, try to keep it under control, gentlemen. Try not to shock the nurses.” He regretted the words the second they left his mouth.

“Don’t know about that, mate, I think they would rather appreciate the show. See enough with that camera, now, don’t they?” Spike grinned up at him, thoroughly enjoying the blush that was stealing up the man’s face. “What about it, luv, don’t you think they appreciate it?”

“I know I would,” came the amused reply.

The doctor just shook his head. “Look, one week. Then you can go home.” With that he fled the room.

Xander and Spike grinned at each other, excitement building. One week, one week and they could go home. Spike’s eyes narrowed at that a little, and he glanced over at the clock. 8:15 p.m.

“Pet, I’ve got somewhere I have to be.”

Xander’s eyes widened at that, Spike had pretty much refused to leave the room until the day before, when he had left for about an hour while Xander was receiving respiratory therapy. He still had problems taking deep breaths due to the depth of the stab wound.

“Oh, that’s fine, when will you be back?” Xander tried to keep the worry out of his voice. Spike quickly leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

“About an hour, maybe an hour and a half, not quite sure. Do you want me to call when I’m on my way back?” He traced a finger down Xander’s cheek, calming his lover.

“Please, I’ll feel better. Where are you going?” Xander cursed himself. **Acting like a child, probably going to kill something, make him feel better.**

“It’s a surprise,” came the reply. Spike leaned down, kissed Xander’s cheek then left.

One week later

Spike took one last look around the hated room, making sure they had everything. Buffy and Willow had already checked, moving the stacks of books and the other various and sundry items that had accumulated over the two weeks Xander had spent in the hospital. **Clothes, books, cds, my lighter.** The room was empty. He moved back to the door and took Xander’s hand.

“Right, let’s get the fuck out of here,” Xander said, dying to leave. He felt much better, still weak, but better. The incision had healed well, but was still sore to touch. His stamina wasn’t very good, but he had been given a clean bill of health. He wasn’t allowed to return to classes yet and he and Spike had received a fairly incoherent lecture from Dr. O’Rourke, the gist of which seemed to be that resuming sex was fine just not to overdue it. Which was very, very bad news because all Xander could think about was getting Spike into bed. Not just for sex, he craved to feel Spike’s arms around him as he slept.

“Right.” Spike tossed one last look back over his shoulder, then they walked out, joining the rest of the gang waiting to see Xander off. They moved down the hall, Willow taking his other hand. They reached the elevator and Xander ceremoniously pushed the button for the ground floor. They walked out into the night and Xander grinned when he saw his Jeep sitting parked right in front of the building.

“So, I get to drive,” he started happily for the door, but was gently pulled back.

“Not exactly, pet.” Spike settled him into the passenger’s side, buckling him up as everyone else piled into the back.

Spike carefully pulled away and Xander suppressed a grin. Usually, driving with Spike was an adventure, but now he was cautiously signaling and turning left. Left.

“Um, Spike, where are we going, the apartment’s the other way.”

“Is it?” Spike continued driving, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Spike, what are you up to?” Xander knew what that smile meant and it usually meant no good.

Spike just shrugged, as he made a turn off to the right. Xander quickly became lost as they took a few more turns in rapid succession. Xander realized they were now in one of the nicer neighborhoods of Sunnydale.

“Spike,” very quietly, very calmly. “Where the hell are you going?”

Spike just grinned as he pulled to a stop in front of a gated driveway.

“Home.” With that, he leaned out the window and punched the security code into the box next to the gate. The gate swung open and Spike pulled in, pausing to make sure the gate latched behind them.

Xander shot another glance over as they curved around some tall trees. Then, he saw the house. A long, low Spanish style ranch house greeted his gaze, lush plantlife running along the driveway which curved to a circle in front of the house, a small fountain in the center. The landscaping continued along the front of the house, small spotlights shining up. Spike gently pulled the car to a stop in front of the door and looked over, beaming.

“Surprise.”

Stunned silence filled the Jeep. Xander just stared.

“When, why, Christ, Spike,” he finally started, having no idea what to say.

Spike just laughed, got out of the car and walked around the front, pulling Xander’s door open. He helped Xander out, then slung an arm across his shoulders.

“No fucking way you were ever going back to that place,” Spike whispered quietly in Xander’s ear. “Thought you might like a change of scenery, pet. Saw this place awhile ago, thought you might like it.” That part said loudly, for the sake of their friends who were spilling out from the back.

That was true, he had an eye on this house since he first came across it during one of his late night prowls a few months before. It had been empty and some demons had been living there. After Spike killed them, he had wandered through the house, admiring the spaciousness and proportions of the rooms. He had known, as soon as he had been assured that Xander would be fine, that they would not be returning to the apartment. He couldn’t bear the thought of it and he would never allow Xander to be reminded of what had happened. He made some calls, arranged for the purchase, for the furnishings, to have them moved, again amused by how the promise of cash could ease anything.

The rest of the group stood there, openmouthed.

“Spike, goddess, this is beautiful, is this really yours?” Willow said, looking at the house.

“Sure is, Red, why, you like?” Spike grinned down at her, seeing the confusion in all their faces.

“Seriously, Spike, how did you do this?” Buffy’s slightly awed voice next to him. “Where did you get the money, you did buy this, right?” Buffy’s eyes narrowed at that. “Thought you were broke.”

Xander began to laugh at that, then Spike joined in until they were leaning against the Jeep, nearly falling into each other.

“Not exactly, Buff. Blondie here is a bit of a liar. You should see the portfolio on him. And I don’t mean that in a sexual way.” Xander managed to gasp out, grabbing his side. “Ow, don’t make me laugh like that.”

Giles shot them a look. He had had his suspicions about that. “Well, it is lovely.” He turned, noticing for the first time that a low wall surrounded the property with what appeared to be newly installed electrical wires at the top.

“C’mon, luv, don’t you want to see inside.” Spike grinned, pleased with himself. If the Jeep had been a good idea, then this, this was a fabulous idea. They moved up the steps and Spike handed Xander the keys with a bow.

“After you.”

Xander felt like his face was going to split in two from the grin he knew was plastered there. He opened the door, eyes widening when he saw chandelier hanging down, saw that the house was fully furnished. Turning back, he pulled Spike in after him, noticing that Spike entered with no hesitation. **Of course not, idiot, his house, our house, already been invited.**

“Come on in,” he called to the others, Spike shooting him an amused glance. They came in, jaws again dropping at the sight of the house. They had entered into a large open entrance hall with a peaked cathedral ceiling. Hanging down was a chandelier, its arms spreading out, appearing to hold candles on the ends. The floor was tiled in a colorful red and yellow sunburst pattern. Low benches ran along one wall with doorways heading in all directions. They could see that there was another set of doors on the other side, leading into the back yard.

Anya wandered off to the right, shaking her head. She always knew Spike had taste, he was with Xander after all, but this was so unexpected. Everyone followed her as she stepped down a step into a large living room. Again, it was fully furnished, a soft ivory couch running in a curve along one wall, a low glass table in front of it, plants everywhere, end tables with small lamps casting a warm glow, the television against the wall in front of them. She noticed absently that heavy curtains were on the windows, then resumed her study of the room. Three smaller leather chairs in the same ivory faced the couch. A bar ran along the far wall with a pool table in front of it. A small bathroom was set in a corner next to the bar. Willow let out a low exclamation of delight.

Buffy walked through the next doorway, coming into the large dining room. A long table ran the length of the room, the dark wood in contrast to the lightness of the walls. Three lights hung from the ceiling, illuminating the small flower arrangements set on the table. Continuing forward, she entered the kitchen. She flipped on the light and stepped back, startled. It looked like something from a magazine. The kitchen was bright and cheery, the same red and yellow tile scheme continuing through here. A central island with stools was in the center, with a huge, professional looking stove behind it. A large, three-basin sink was off to one side of the stove, while a coffee maker sat on the counter on the other side. Off to the right was a breakfast area, with a bay window, again with heavy curtains, a bench seat running under the window with a table in front of it. The refrigerator was off to the right, blending into the cabinets. A rack hung over the island, with pots and pans hanging down. It looked like Emeril was going to come out and start cooking any minute.

“Xander, Spike, wow, this is, wow, too bad you don’t cook.”

“Actually, Slayer, I’m quite the cook,” came the amused response behind her as Spike pulled a speechless Xander in behind him. Buffy just shot him a look. “Well, I am. I would tell you to ask the whelp here, but, well, cat’s got his tongue.”

Spike couldn’t help it. He was thrilled. He had finally gotten a chance to find a place appropriate for Xander and it appeared that his friends were suitably impressed. **About time they realized how he should be treated.** He gently tugged Xander around. “Want to see the bedrooms?” He leered suggestively, earning him a whap.

“Yes, but later for the rest,” Xander said, finally breaking out of his stupor. He could not believe the house, could not believe it was his. Could not believe Spike had found the time to do this.

“Spike, when did you do all this,” he asked as Spike herded everyone back to the other end of the house.

“You were asleep a lot and, well, that’s why they invented the telephone. Can do anything by phone nowadays.” **Especially when you know the right people.** Spike had ended up calling in a few favors, but it was worth it. The hardest part had been trusting that it would be decorated properly, but he was relieved to see that Cordelia had been right in her recommendation. Passing through the entranceway, they entered a long hallway. Two bedrooms were to the left, a large bathroom connecting the two. Another bedroom with an attached bath was on their right. Then a study, bookshelves lining the wall, a desk facing the windows into the backyard, the computer glowing softly. Next, a larger room, set up as a training area, various pieces of exercise equipment grouped around a large mat with a heavy bag in the corner. Finally, Spike stopped as they reached the end of the hall.

“Right, our rooms, no need for you to see that.” Ignoring the protests he cocked his head. “Wouldn’t you rather go out back and see the pool? Oh, and did I fail to mention that there’s a hot tub.” He watched as they took off back down the hall, Xander following. Spike started to follow when he felt a hand fall on his shoulder. He looked up to see Giles staring at him.

“Spike, this, this is very, well, quite much,” Giles began. “I couldn’t help but notice that there is a wall around the property. And that it seems to be topped by an electric fence.”

Spike just shot a glance over. “Wouldn’t bloody let me put in the moat now, would they?” Giles just looked back, knowing that Spike wasn’t entirely joking. “Nothing will get in here, Watcher. Not while I’m still here.” The words hung in the air.

Nodding, Giles followed Spike back down the hall. “I was sure of that.” They heard a squeal, then a splash. Sighing, Giles shook his head. “Shall we see what the children are up to?”

Walking out the back entrance, they found that Anya had already pushed Willow into the pool with Tara not far behind. Buffy had gone to help them both out, only to find herself tugged in. A huge water fight had ensued and Xander was just standing there, grinning madly. Spike walked behind him, wrapping his arms around his lover’s waist.

“So, do you like?” Spike quietly asked, a little concerned.

His only response was a soft kiss on the cheek. They stood, watching as the splashing continued.

They were finally alone. Spike and Xander had taken them back to the hospital to pick up Giles’s car. Then, they had returned to the house, Xander paying closer attention to where they were going. They pulled back in and Xander found his heart in his throat once again as they pulled in front of the house. He owned a house. He OWNED a HOUSE. He had never even considered the possibility. They sat there for a moment, lost in their thoughts. Finally, Xander leaned over, resting his head on Spike’s shoulder.

“Must love me or something.”

“Something like that.”

“This is, I love it, it’s perfect. I can’t believe you did this.” Xander leaned back up, got out of the car and carefully stretched. They walked back in and, as soon as the door was shut, Xander pinned Spike to the wall.

“Really love, can’t wait to see our rooms, particularly bed,” he rumbled into Spike’s ear as he began to kiss down Spike’s neck, moving directly for the spot halfway down that he knew drove Spike insane.

“Figured you would,” Spike managed to push them off the wall, then down the hall, walking backwards so that he could watch Xander’s face, could lean up for quick kisses. They reached the doors at the end of the hall.

“Close your eyes,” whispered Spike. Xander quickly complied, excitement of all sorts racing through him. Spike pushed the doors opened, then led Xander in.

“Open your eyes, Xander,” Spike gently commanded.

Xander opened his eyes, looking around in awe. Their bed was along the back wall of a large room, lit by soft light coming from the lamps in each corner. Another couch was under windows on the far side, a television next to it, visible from the bed. Dark chests stood along the other walls, with candles on top of the one nearest the bed. Off to the right was a huge walk in closet. Off to the left was the bathroom and Xander could just make out a separate shower and bathtub. His attention, however, was directed almost entirely on the bed.

“This is great, explore it later. Bed now.” Xander pushed Spike across the room, focused only on the almost painful longing to be a part of him. It wasn’t just how long it had been, it was the need to be together, to feel a part of each other, to reassure each other that they were still one.

Spike groaned as Xander pushed him down, relishing this. It had been all he could do not to just throw everyone out, but he wanted to prove to everyone that he was capable of taking care of Xander, that his love was safe with him.

Xander slowly leaned into Spike, covering that cool body with his own, careful to rest on his forearms which were on either side of Spike’s head, still not able to tolerate much pressure on his chest. They kissed long and slow, building the passion gently, carefully. Neither wanted this to be over quickly, they wanted to take their time, to enjoy the luxury of truly being alone.

Spike reached up, running his hands over Xander’s back, the familiar body now thinner, a little more frail. He leaned up and gently turned them on their sides, knowing that Xander’s arms would quickly tire. He moved his mouth down, trailing along Xander’s jawline, down his neck, lingering on the scar from his mark, licking his tongue around the twin wounds. Xander moaned and thrust his hips into Spike’s, their groins coming into contact, their erections straining against each other.

Xander reached his hands under Spike’s shirt, running a flat palm on Spike’s nipple, feeling it immediately harden. He moved his hand down, his other entwined in Spike’s hair, tracing each ripple of Spike’s perfect abdomen. He heard the familiar moan, the automatic tilt of Spike’s hips, relearning the flesh, remembering just where to touch to see Spike’s head tilt, exposing his throat. Xander bent down and began to suck at the hollow of Spike’s throat, feeling Spike’s thrusts quicken, a low growl begin to move through the vampire. Xander leaned back and pulled Spike’s shirt off just as Spike did the same to his own.

Spike pushed Xander flat onto the bed, seeing the clean edge of the incision next to the rougher one from the stab wound. A quick flash of pain glimmered across his features, then Spike bent down and began to slowly lick his way up each wound, taking care not to hurt, but needing to taste, to become part of the pain.

Xander’s eyes closed at the trace of Spike’s tongue. The coolness of it eased the pain, the itching that had started as the scars began to form. The feel of it was driving him mad, the way that Spike was worshipping his body, cleansing the wounds, trying to lap them away. Xander felt himself growing harder and harder, until he was nearly in pain from the tightness against his zipper. He pulled Spike up, kissing him deeply, as he reached down to unbutton Spike’s jeans. Spike took the hint and quickly returned the favor, easing the pressure.

Soon, they were naked, flesh pressing into flesh. They lay there, entwined in one another, lengths pressed together as they cherished just this, just the feel of being in one another’s arms. Soon, too soon, the heat overwhelmed them, and they began to rock together, each touch pushing them further towards completion, tongues circling one another.

Spike pulled back and reached out for his duster. He pulled the small tube out and pressed it into Xander’s hand. Xander took it, then leaned back, looking at Spike. Spike just nodded, then rolled onto his back, pulling his legs to his chest.

Xander opened the tube with shaky hands. Usually, Spike was the one to penetrate him. He was still a little insecure about fucking Spike, not positive he was doing it right, not sure if he was bringing pleasure to the man beneath him, even with Spike’s assurances to the contrary. But something in Spike’s eyes told him he needed this, needed Xander to fill him, needed to know that they were one, needed that connection. Xander carefully reached down, then pressed a finger forward. There was some resistance but not much. Xander watched Spike’s face the entire time, seeing Spike’s eyes begin to haze over, feeling Spike begin to move in time with the rhythm. He searched, found the spot, and was rewarded by the sight of Spike grasping the sheets, knuckles turning white from the pressure.

“There, again, just like that, Xander, Xander,” the words came flowing down from above. Xander pulled out, inserted another finger and began to move just like Spike had told him, just like Spike did to him. Quickly, Spike began to relax beneath him, began to open fully and completely. A third finger entered as Spike began to thrash on the bed, pushing down as Xander’s hand pushed up. Finally, Spike began to beg.

“Xander, in me, please, part of me, need it, need you, love you, please, please, love you.”

With that, Xander placed the tip of his cock against Spike’s opening and entered him, the tightness and the coolness grasping him. Now it was Xander’s head that snapped back, Xander’s voice that broke as he began to move in time with Spike’s rhythm.

“Spike, love you, never leave, love you, part of you, feel me, in you, love you,” the words like music to Spike’s ears. He was impaled, truly impaled. The heat of it burned into every pore of his body, bathing him in its pureness. It was like nothing he had ever known, the feel of it driving through his very being. He craved it, wanting more and more. Spike began to move faster, drawing Xander in deeper and deeper. He cared nothing for his own release, he just wanted this, wanted to feel Xander come deep inside him, wanted to know that Xander was a part of him. Then he felt a warm hand grasp him, felt the pull as Xander pumped in time with their thrusts.

“Together, please together, see you, want to see you,” Xander’s voice panting above him. Spike managed to open his eyes. He saw Xander’s face, contorted in pleasure, the thick dark hair sweaty and falling around his face, the golden skin glowing above him. Spike felt himself begin to slip over the edge, the vision of it combined with the feel of Xander filling him proving too much.

“Can’t wait, now, Xan, love you, Xander,” with a furious cry, Spike came, bucking into Xander’s hand, his muscles clutching the prick buried deep inside him.

With a strangled cry, Xander came, the expression on Spike’s face pulling out his own release. He felt strong hands holding his hips, holding him inside that coolness. He felt himself begin to collapse, only to be caught and gently cradled into Spike’s chest.

“I love you,” he managed to gasp out.

Spike just kissed the top of his head, holding him as tightly as possible. Finally, Xander pulled up, sliding out of Spike, causing a small whimper of protest from his lover. Xander settled into the crook of Spike’s arm, content to his very core.

They lay quietly, both fading off to sleep. Automatically, Xander turned on his side and Spike curled into his back. Xander just hummed, an echoing purr coming from Spike. This, this was what had been missing during those long days in that damn hospital bed.
“Spike…”

“Hmmm,” came the sleepy reply.

“Thanks for the house.”

“Glad you like.”

“Only one thing.”

“What’s that, luv?”

“We’re going to have to have a discussion about exactly what I meant by small gifts.” The grin was apparent in Xander’s voice.

Spike just let out a quiet chuckle, “You should’ve seen the place I really wanted.”

Xander just laughed in return and snuggled in tighter. They quickly drifted off, at peace for the first time in days.