From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/18/01 10:52 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: From Willow

Hi Spike!! So, this is like your virgin email! And I don’t mean anything by that, you know… just this is (I think) your first email on your new PC. Even though it isn’t really new, it’s actually old. Not *really* old, like, not obsolete, everything works very well. Or it should. You’ll be sure and let me know if you have any problems, right? Because you know you have the official Willow Guarantee on parts and services. Good for the lifetime of the computer, because I won’t be around for the rest of *your* lifetime. What with you being a vampire and me being a human. Unless of course you keep making Buffy mad. Don’t do that, okay? I mean, I know you enjoy it and all that, but then you sweep off into the night with your black coat, leaving us to deal with uhm… an unhappy Buffy. Which is bad. So… is that your point? That’s really not nice. Which you keep telling us you’re not. Anyway. Hope you’re having fun with the new computer. I’ll be by tomorrow afternoon after classes to help you with anything that comes up between now and then. And Tara made cookies; I’ll bring them by.

Bye for now!

Willow (aka Red)

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/18/01 10:59 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: Wotcha Red! So tell me how this works. Let me know if ya get this. Love, Me PS – Buffy has stupid hair.

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/18/01 11:11 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: From Willow

Hi again, Spike!

You’re putting all of your text into the subject line. When you want to send an email, you use the tab key (upper left of your keyboard) and go from the To: line, then the From: line, and then the Subject line… something brief in there. And then tab again and you’ll be in the body of the letter. Then just type away to your heart’s content. So… maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but Buffy said you used to be a poet when you were… you know… human. Are you going to start writing again now that you have the computer? I think you should. And Buffy does not have stupid hair. Be nice!

Love and chocolate chip cookies!

Willow

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/18/01 11:11 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: Re: From Willow

Red!! This makes loads more sense now. I tried to write more, but it only gave me a little space to type in before it stopped workin. Okay, yeah, so Buffy told ya I was a poet, did she? Well, she musta told ya that Dru was me Sire, too. Which is all true, every bloody syllable. Now – why dontcha just have her call Angel and tell him I said so. But YOU don’t do it, okay? Just her. Now, about cookies – can you get me some oatmeal raisin, too? That last batch ya brought me was the dogs!! An about the part where you say yer human – sorry about that, pet. I’d change it if I could. Keep ya around forever, I would. In any case, lookin forward to yer visit. Tell Tara I think she has great jubblies, an’ she should wear that blue dress more. You too, Red, filled out nice. I’d fancy seein you in leather… Right then, hafta Email the Poofter an Saggy Bottom Boy.

Love,

Me

PS This is bloody fun!

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/18/01 11:20 PM Pacific Standard Time (Thursday)
Subject: None

Oi! Peaches,

How ya been? Got me Email up an runnin. Red fixed me up a big grey box from parts she had. Callin it Frankenputer. Frank, for short. So Email me, or I’ll stake you.

Love or Sincerely,

Me

From: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 7:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: None

Spike – the address you sent your missive to is a generic one for Angel Investigations, please refrain from doing so in the future, since this is our business account. We all have our own addresses, Angel’s is Angel@Angel_Investigations.com, and I will forward your message to him. I would also suggest that you not threaten Angel, he has not been in the best of moods of late.

Congratulations on acquiring a computer.

Sincerely,

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 8:33 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: You’re A Wanker

Dear Ex-Watcher who got sacked… a lot,

Oi! How ya been, mate? I’ve been tits, thanks. Got me a right good set up, I do. And how come yer answerin instead of Legs? I thought she was the secretary. Oh yeah… and I wasn’t threatenin Angel… go and ask him what I meant by “stake him”… Go on, I dare ya. Right then, must be off… Baddies to kill, innocents to debauch.

Sincerely,

Me

From: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 8:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Wanker

Spike,

I will thank you not to write to me ever. And for the record, the Watcher Council did not fire me; we parted ways by mutual agreement. And if by using the plural you refer to Angel firing all of us, may I be so bold as to remind you that your Sire now works for me? Lastly, I have no desire to ask Angel about his relationship with you. The less I know in that regard the better. For what I hope is the last time,

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 9:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Get over it

Tosser.

Love,

Me

From: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 9:25 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Get over it

Really. I must insist, Spike. Stop this immediately!

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 9:44 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Get over it

OKAY! IF YA WOULDN’T RESPOND, I WOULDN’T HAFTA ANSWER YOU! NOW SHOO! OFF ME EMAIL

LOVE,

ME

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 1:25 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Life in the Big City!

Hey Xan,

It’s me. I just got back from the Beverly Center, oh my god, you have to see these new boots, they’re totally nouveau riche… Anyway, Angel’s all holed up in his cave – so I’m sending this from home. You wouldn’t believe what I found in his bathroom… a bottle of hair bleach… I mean… “HELLO!!” I’m guessing he’s banging Buffy again. That’s who we thought of last time he did this, huh? But wasn’t she there? Oh well, it doesn’t matter. I have to go. An audition for a dishwashing detergent commercial… Yay me! I hope I get it. I do. So tell the gang I said hi, and that I miss everyone.

Luvz,

Cordelia

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 3:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Life in the Big City!

Cordelia! Queen C! The Cheerleader with the most-est! How are ya? Sounds like your working *really* hard there… not! Things are the usual around here, demons, mayhem and of course Spike, who fits into both categories. Uhm… Cordy… about the bleach… it’s not Buffy’s. I’ll give you a shiny penny if you can guess which bottle-blonde it does belong to. Come on… you can do it! Good luck on the commercial thing… you must really be a great actress, because… well – somehow I’m not able to really imagine you doing anyone’s dishes. Not even for money. Well, this is the Xand-man signing off in all his/my greatness. I’ll pass along your love to the gang… we miss you too… except Anya – she’s still got that cute jealousy thing working for her.

Xander The Magnificent

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 5:31 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Perverted Much?

Hey Xan,

Oh… Whatever! You are NOT trying to tell me that Spike and Angel are riding the hobbyhorse. That’s so passe… how Anne Rice can you get geek-boy? Anyway… I didn’t get the gig… Ugh… can you believe this? They said I looked too *young*!! HELLO!!! When has looking young ever been an issue in Hollysucks… Never… that’s when. Whatever – I didn’t want it anyway… I would’ve totally hated seeing that on one of those “Before They Were Stars” shows.

So… Anya’s jealous of me, huh? Not like I blame her. I mean, c’mon – total knock out here – the kind of girl a guy like you only dates in his wet dreams… and wow – you actually got close enough to touch me… But I do miss your hugs, you know. Those were the best. Even if you smelled like Old Spice, which contrary to popular belief really doesn’t get a girl hot.

I’m gonna go take a bath now… And don’t go thinking about me in the water and the bubbles.

Luvz,

Cordelia

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 5:48 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Perverted Much? Yes!!

Cordy – let’s just say I know more about your Caped Crusader’s sex life than I should. Spike talks *a lot* when he’s drunk. “Riding the hobby horse”? Geez, nice imagery there, Cord… L.A. corrupting you much? And as for my gorgeous girlfriend, I don’t think she cares how you look, she has issues with anyone of the female gender ever touching me, looking at me, speaking to me… past or present. Yup… she’s very possessive of her Viking. (That’s me!). But if you come to visit I might get a short term leave to give you the Xander Special hug… she’s beginning to understand about “good” touching and “bad” touching (well, I had to make a list… don’t ask). Now if I could just get her to talk a little less about Anya/Xander touching in public. Enjoy your bath… I’m sure you make your rubber ducky very happy. What about your ghost… does he… watch???

Love in the platonic sense only,

Curious Xander

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 6:13 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Perverted Much? Yes!!

Hey Xan,

Dream on! And don’t *even* go there. Angel’s my friend – and I don’t want to hear anything bad about him. Oh yeah, and I don’t care WHAT Spike says, because he’s so last season, it isn’t even funny.

Oh yeah, and tell Anya to stop sending me hate mail – she’s not as innocent as she looks, is she? And look, you’re here trying to tell me she sends hate mail to everyone… so, how does Buffy handle this? And tell Buffy that if she wants to beat her up, I support her in that decision. Really Xander… I’m gonna enclose the last thing she sent to me, just so you know. And she reads your email… so delete this after.

{I know that you’re jealous that Xander and I are together now, but you have to move on. He’s giving me orgasms now, not you. And I don’t appreciate you stalking him through the internet, or sending him love notes. If you were a man, and I still had my powers, I’d afflict you with a terrible disease that made your genitals fall off}

Have a nice day.

Sincerely,

Anya}

Freak much? Control her, please. I have other things to think about. Oh yeah, hey… did you hear that Johnny Depp and his girlfriend broke up? Yay! Can you say Mrs. Cordelia Depp? Cause I can!

Luvz,

Cordelia

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 7:35 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Really Really Sorry!

Cordy –

Uh… sorry about the insanely jealous girlfriend thing. Anya and I had a very serious discussion about PRIVACY. I don’t think you’ll hear from her again. And if you do just let me know and I will withhold sexual favors for a time of my choosing as punishment, as per our agreement. I think I finally found something that gets through to her that isn’t cash.

Believe what you want about Angel, you know I could care less about Deadboy, but if should happen to catch him and Spike playing hide the sausage, don’t say I didn’t try to tell you.

Again, sorry about Anya going a little psycho on you. And congratulations on getting engaged to a man you haven’t even met yet. Reality is a boring place to live, huh?

Love (and you better not be reading this or reading anything into it, Anya)

your pal,

Xander

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 1:42 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: American Wanker

Yanno – I hate yer Email address, always think I’m gettin more nasty love notes from my ex-demon lover. HA! Okay, tonight it is… Yanno yer always welcome – except when yer not. Everything going okay over there, by the way? Yer not tryin’ to run out on me little bird, are ya?

Tell Cordelia she has bad hair and big teeth.

Love,

Me

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 2:02 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Huh?

1) Like your email address is anything to write home about. But you do have the truth in advertising thing going for you.

2) I’ve asked Anya about that once or twice and she assures me that you and she never even knew each other before Sunnydale, and I know for sure I’ve kept her too busy to do anything or anyone else since she got here.

3) I’m not running out on Anya… just need a break… I’m surrounded by women 24-7… which should be a great, wonderful and happy-making thing. But sometimes it’s just too much. And I can’t believe I’m telling you that.

4) I am so *not* telling Cordelia that. I prefer to keep my reproductive organs intact. Cordy’d give Anyanka a run for her money.

5) And why do you sign your emails, ‘love’? Generally not a word in your everyday vocabulary unless it’s in reference to blood, violence, cigarettes or “Peaches”. And then, only when you’re very drunk.

Alexander Lavelle Harris <--just wanted to see what it looked like

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/20/01 11:50 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: I HATE L.A.

Hey Xan,

God I miss you guys. Sometimes it just sucks here. And shut up about Angel and Spike already… you’re starting to freak me with all this homosexual preoccupation thing you’ve got going on. Anyway… I really miss you. I miss my room. I miss my cat. I miss Willow and her ugly dresses. I miss Buffy – don’t you dare tell her. I miss Giles. I wish Giles was here. Wesley’s really cool, but he’s not Giles. I miss you… I guess I said that already.

Bye.

Love,

Cordy

PS: If you’re wondering why I’m all blah – I went to another audition… this time for a snowboarding commercial. They said I was too tall. Too tall, too young… whatever, I have a headache… gonna go take a bath.

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/20/01 12:10 PM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Someone needs a vacation!!!

Cordy – Listen you… get your Hollywood butt back here next weekend. I know for a fact (though my sources shall remain bottle blonde) that you have the weekend off. Come and hang out… there’s always room at the Scooby meeting for an L.A. psychic like yourself. Come on… you’re missed here too, and I promise to keep Anya from trying to rumble with ya. Say yes. You know you want to. No one can resist the Xand-man. Come on!!!!

Irresistible Xander

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 3:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Try and behave

Spike – Please don’t tease Wesley, he’s very sensitive about his previous employment. I’m glad Willow was able to help you with the computer. It’s good to know that you’re getting along so well with everyone in Sunnydale. You are getting along with everyone, aren’t you? As for staking me… I’d like to see you try, boy.

When will you be coming to L.A. for a visit?

Regards,

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 3:28 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: BLOODY THING’S BROKEN ALREAD!!

PEACHES,

IT WON’T TYPE IN LOWERCASE NOW. GOTTA GET RED OVER HERE, SO TILL THEN, JUST READ IT LIKE THIS. DIDN’T TEASE WEASLEY, ONLY SAID HI, THAT’S ALL. YOU BELIEVE ME, DON’TCHA? OKAY, BACK TO MY LETTER. I’M GETTIN ALONG FINE. SHAGGY WILL BE OVER HERE TONIGHT, THINKS WE NEED SOME DRINKIN’/BONDAGE TIME… GUESS HE’S GETTING TIRED OF ALL THE ESTROGEN ROUND HERE. SO… YA MISS ME… DONTCHA? I CAN TELL… AN’ WHAT’S WITH THIS ‘REGARDS’ BUSINESS? YA WEREN’T SAYIN ‘REGARDS’ LAST TIME WE MET UP. AS I RECALL … IT WAS MORE ALONG THE LINES OF ‘LOVE YOU… YES! …YES!…’ BUT I COULD BE MISTAKEN… MAYBE IT WAS LAST TIME I WAS DRINKIN’ WITH THE SAGGY BOTTOM BOY.

ANYWAY, GOTTA RUN.

LOVE,

ME

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 4:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Instructions to turn off your caps

Spike – There is a button on the keyboard, it says ‘Caps Lock’. Tap that once, and you won’t be typing in upper case. And no, I don’t believe you. Just leave him alone. So… you’re bonding with Xander? That must be… nice for you. Just remember who you belong to. Or do you need some reminding?

Angel

P.S. – Isn’t he underage to be out drinking?

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 4:27 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Instructions to turn off your caps

POOFter… it works. Poofter,

You’re smarter than ya look. And yes… I need some remindin… Tell me you miss me. Right now.

Love,

Me

PS – Yes.

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 5:30 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Do you keep your toothbrush there too?

Hey Fangless? Understand you’re leaving personal belongings at your boyfriend’s place… very subtle. Cordy knows, so the fecal matter should hit the fan anytime now. Just thought I’d let you know.

BTW, we just got in a shipment of the weird beer you like at the Circle K… should I bring some home after work?

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 5:44 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Beer Boy

Oi! bring me a few pints! Who cares if Legs knows me and Angel are together? Yeah… I keep me toothbrush there, what of it? How do ya get this thing to send pictures? I got me one of those digital camera things. I can see meself in the monitor. Heh. Ya think I’m hot, dontcha… Bloody right, I’m hot…

Love,

Me

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 6:08 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Get a grip on your ego

You’re talking to yourself again, aren’t you O Bleached One? Not to worry, Cordelia doesn’t believe that you and Batman are doing the deed because, and I quote, “Angel’s my friend – and I don’t want to hear anything bad about him. Oh yeah, and I don’t care WHAT Spike says, because he’s so last season, it isn’t even funny.”

I think I can manage to let a case ‘fall’ off the truck for you. Videos at your place tonight then. I kind of need to get out of the house for a night…

Cya then,

Zeppo with the beer

P.S. – Ask Wills about the picture thingie… she’s our resident propeller-head.

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 11:08 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Where are you?

Spike – it’s getting late. Is your computer broken already? This is Angel… which you probably figured out by the address. I’m concerned that you and Xander might have run into some problems. Because it’s late. And you’re not online. I’m sure you’re just fine, and aren’t being attacked by demons or humans, and you certainly don’t have your tongue down anyone else’s throat.

Do you?

Where are you?

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:08 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)

Well aren’t you the green eyed vamp… kinda like that look on ya, pet. So I’m on now. Fixed me capitals, like yer last note told me. Want me this weekend? I have a few days to kill before Niblet gets back from her Dad’s.

Write back right now.

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:17 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Want and need

Do I want you this weekend? I’d take you right now, if I could get you. Yes, I miss you. I’m looking forward to showing you how much. I’ll get Wes and Gunn and Cordy out of here early on Friday and give them the weekend off. Barring visions, I’ll stock up on supplies, so don’t plan on leaving the hotel once you get here.

Understood?

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need

Got it… and how come ya don’t say “Love, Angel”…? Just a question… No need to get huffy. And… ya really want me right now? Cause I can take Watcher’s car and be there in two hours. Just a thought.

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:39 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need

It’s a good thought. It’s an excellent thought. It’s the best thought I’ve heard in a long time. Rupert really lets you borrow his car? You’re not talking about stealing it are you? I don’t care. I didn’t ask. Drive. Now. Please.

I love you and I want you in my bed, on my floor, anywhere I can get you,

Angel

Better?

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Subject: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:44 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need

On my way.

Love,

Me

PS – Yes

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 4:44 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow

Hi again… just got a call from Giles, Scooby meeting at the Box at 6 or so. Xander can’t make it because of the new job at Circle K. (He’s had this one for a week now, isn’t that great?!!). You know… I *can* tell when you’re lying Spike, and no, I won’t suggest that Buffy call Angel. That’s not such a good idea, you know. They both get very sad when they speak. It’s just not fair! I know you like to make fun of them both, but it’s just so sad… and I’m making myself all depressed thinking about it. And hey! So not interested in being one of the undead!!! Human Willow is a happy Willow… vampire Willow tends to be very scary! But you’d probably like her; she does the whole leather thing pretty well. I tried it… it was hard to breathe and I kept tripping.

Tara is very sexy, isn’t she? I like the blue dress too! I’m so lucky… did you know Vamp Willow was bi-sexual too? Somethings don’t change between dimensions, isn’t that odd? I wonder why that is. I mean I wouldn’t normally think that one’s sexuality was a constant or great truth… but… oh well… it’s getting late. Please please please come to the meeting, I’ll bring the cookies! Hope we see you there!

Willow (not a vamp… yay! Nothing against vampires)

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 5:49 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow

I’ll be there – tell Watcher I expect him to have somethin palatable to swallow this time. Let me tell ya about Vamp Willow – not that I met her, but I certainly heard all the stories, and there ain’t a vamp from here to China that wouldn’t have jumped into a lake of holy water to get a shot at rogerin’ that little bird. My my – but those stories did get around… Wish’d I’da met up with her… Oh well, another time. Don’t you worry, though – nobody’s gonna make ya whilst I’m around.

Yeah, Tara’s sexy – but too quiet… Nice rack, though. What’s she like in bed? She talk there? Oh yeah – Angel’s not too sad at the moment.

Love,

Me

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 10:12 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow

Sorry the meeting was so boring, Spike, but you still shouldn’t have said that about Buffy’s exes. Which doesn’t make it okay what she said about Drusilla, but still, you really made her mad. So… Spike, are vampires really talking about me???? I mean, vamp me??? That’s really disturbing, but I guess kind of neat. Nobody every really talks about Willow-me, which is good, I don’t really want strangers or strange demons talking about me… but I can kind of get this vicarious thrill out of it… you know? I’m really really glad to hear that Angel’s not too sad. I always liked him, even after the whole Angelus killing my fish thing. It’s hard to imagine him happy at all. All I can remember is him being all brooding and dark and handsome with that big coat and… Don’t you dare tell anyone, but he’s really sexy… I mean, Tara wouldn’t understand. She still gets weird when I mention Oz. So I’d die, this is just between you and me… promise?? Well now I feel guilty so I’m going to go make it up to Tara. Even though I didn’t do anything. Because I never would. I really love her. She makes me feel all warm and snuggly, like my favorite sweatshirt times infinity. That’s enough sappy Willow… a big disappointment to all those vamp-Willow fans out there, but totally okay in my world. Yay me!

Love,

Willow

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/22/01 10:32 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Fwd: Re: From Willow

If ya want my body, an’ ya think I’m seeexxxxxyyyy… HA! Yer still workin’ up a load of sexual tension around here, an’ yer all the way in LA. What ya got to say for yourself, ya poofter?

Love,

Me

Oh, PS: So ya weren’t happy, then? Ya sure seem happy now… What’s the difference between me and Slayer?

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 10:53 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: From Willow

Spike! Do you have any idea how completely thoughtless that is? Do you care? Willow apparently thinks of you as a friend, and trusted you not to tell anyone. Probably, no, especially not me. That’s why you did it, isn’t it. Just a little reminder that you’re still the evil one, right? Okay, I get it. So… Willow thinks I’m sexy? I always thought she was an extremely intelligent girl, this just proves it. But I would just as soon not have anyone dwell on that alternate reality. It wasn’t a very nice place. And despite the outfit and certain… assets it displayed to great advantage, Vampire Willow made living with you seem like a walk in the park. That girl would have given Angelus a run for his money… She wanted to tie me up and call me ‘Puppy’!! I can live the rest of my existence without ever visiting that dimension. And don’t get any ideas, boy. And what is it exactly that you were saying about “Buffy’s exes”? I’m certain you were referring to Captain Cardboard and that Pecker person. For your sake, I’ll pretend that’s true.

Love,

Angel

P.S. Yes, I’m happy. Yes, you make me happy. Also insane and frustrated. I refuse to comment on the last question.

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/22/01 11:03 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: From Willow

Yes, I have lotsa ideas, mate. Namely, Willow in leather, you in a cage, on a leash… callin you Puppy… Bloody Hell! Reckon I got my wank material for the evinin…

And yeah, Willow’s me chum, and she trusts me, and I’m evil, and I wouldn’t hurt her, and ya know it, and ya just had to say somethin about it cause it was required, cause yer a tosser. She is a smart one, isn’t she? I like her. Woulda shagged her if she weren’t all hearts and flowers over the blonde witch… although – the blonde and the redhead, Angel… remember the days?

Okay, yeah – so I made some comments about her ex’s – she had it comin. You weren’t there, and ya don’t know. And I insist ya answer the last question, cause I wanna sit here all smug, and entertain myself. Especially after the way she talked to me tonight… So answer the effin question.

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: Reply All Address Book: Bsummers@hotmail.org (Buffy), RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara), AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org (Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert), LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn), PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), SuckDeez@yahoo.org (Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz), WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley), Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate), RudeBadMan@aol.com (William)
Date: 1/22/01 11:31 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: The Differences

I can’t imagine you being any more smug than you already are. And haven’t I provided you with enough entertainment for the evening, or morning? But you won’t let it rest until I answer you. Smug and stubborn.

Buffy was a beautiful girl and is now a beautiful woman. She is strong and smart and noble. She made me feel like a young man in love. I wasn’t. I’m a vampire. With a soul. Who has occasional and very violent flashbacks. And did I mention the murderous past? Buffy made me try to be the man Liam should have been and never was. (And still, I don’t believe my Father would have approved). You have a beautiful ass. An amazing ass. The rest of you is very impressive too.

And before you can think anything sarcastic and biting to say about my only wanting you for your body, (but let me add that I’ve been around the proverbial sexual block more than a few times and you have the most flexible yet taut and willing body I’ve ever had the pleasure of… pleasuring), I want you for more than that. You make me laugh. Whenever I thought about Buffy, and whenever I think about Buffy, it hurts. I brood. I angst. I’m very good at it by now. When I think of you, I get hard. The sound of your voice tends to have the same effect. I enjoy remembering our past with you. I enjoy more the memories we’re making now. I want to talk to you. I want to fight with you. I want to fuck you. I get so damn excited when I know I am going to see you that I think I would lose my soul permanently if not for Willow’s magic. You make me feel like what I am. A vampire. With a soul. With a happy.

Love,

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/22/01 11:48 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Luv,

You just Emailed everyone and God, I reckon. Got ya covered, though. No worries. You effed up. I fix it. Same shit as always.

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 11:52 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

No! No… Spike… It’s not possible. I didn’t do something that stupid, did I? Obviously I did Wait – What do you mean, you’ll fix it. I have to talk to her! Don’t do anything!

Love,

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Reply All Address Book: Bsummers@hotmail.org (Buffy), RednBlondWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara), AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org (Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert), LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn), PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), SuckDeez@yahoo.org (Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz), WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley), Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate), Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:01 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Tossers,

HA BLOODY HA! GOT ANGEL’S PASSWORD… HEH… HOW YA LIKE THAT?!

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:07 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Will… thank you.

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:07 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Love you, poofter.

From: BSummers@hotmail.org
To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara), AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org (Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert), LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn), PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), SuckDeez@yahoo.org (Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz), WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley), Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate), Angel@AngelInvestigations.com, RudeBadMan@aol.com (William)
Date: 1/23/01 12:12 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Uhm – I don’t even want to know what’s going through your sick mind, Spike. Very funny. I’m sure everyone’s getting a good laugh right now. Somebody please get this blood-rat off the internet.

Buffy~

From: BSummers@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:14 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Spike,

Thank you.

Love,

Buffy

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:22 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Uh, Spike… My official response is: that was evil and incredibly rotten… even for you. Unofficially: That was pretty cool, and nice of you.

Don’t tell anyone I said so, but–

Your pal,

Xander

To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Pillow Biter,

Ha! I’m a bad rude man. Just like the name says.

Love,

Me

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: From Willow… about your email

Spike… you know at first I was really really mad at you. And then I thought for a while about what I could do to you. And then I realized that you didn’t even know how to send an email a few days ago (no offense), so what you said you did, you didn’t do. But what you did do, so no one knew what Angel really did, was a really sweet thing to do. People (Buffy) are going to be really upset with you. But I understand, and I think it was really really nice… in an evil demony kind of way. Brownies will be in the oven in 10 minutes. Tara and I will bring them by tomorrow.

Love,

Willow

To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:18 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Willow… about your email

Red,

Someone’s gotta take it in the shorts… Might as well be me.

Love,

Me

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:24 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Willow… about your email

Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone know you’re a big old softie, marshmallow-centered demon. Your secret is safe with me. Unless I need a favor. Just kidding!

Love, Willow

To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Willow… about your email

Red,

Does it involve you in leather? Cause I reckon we could work something out.

Love,

Me

From: WWP@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:00 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Your vile email attempt at humour

You are the crudest creature! Something you are no doubt aware of… but I felt it needed saying. I hope your computer is infected by a Xlothlar virus.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: WWP@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:07 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: My amazing wit

Ex-Watcher who always gets sacked,

You know you want me.

Love,

Me

From: WWP@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 2:10 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Fwd: My amazing wit

Ex-Watcher who always gets sacked,
You know you want me.
Love,
Me

Mr. Giles,

Do you think perhaps you could keep your pet vampire in hand a bit better? This sort of behavior is uncalled for and unnecessary. I don’t believe the Council would really approve of the rather mercenary operation you are running in Sunnydale. But that’s of no concern of mine. Please see if you can reign in William the Bloody’s rather extraverted behavior. I would deeply appreciate it!

Sincerely,

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

From: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
To: WWP@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 6:26 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Fwd: My amazing wit

Don’t be such a prude, Wesley. We both went to public school. As for the Council – I do believe I’m in still in favorable standing with them. And as much as it pains me to say, Spike is simply stating a fact.

I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you, and I do hope you will attend to these sorts of matters on your own. I’ve enough on my plate with the current status of things, without being bothered by such trivial issues.

Regards,

RPG

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: BSummers@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 1:30 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Ice cream to the rescue!

Buffy, I know you know we all saw the… emails. Please don’t be too upset, you know Spike was just being… Spike. That’s kind of his job. If you need anything. To talk, or maybe eat a lot of ice cream, I’m here. And Tara’s here too.

We could all eat ice cream and stuff. Don’t be sad!

Love,

Willow

From: BSummers@hotmail.org
To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:38 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Ice cream to the rescue!

Hey Wills, I think I could use an ice cream fix right now. Maybe a gallon or eight of Ben and Jerry’s. I’ll come over after I make sure Dawnie’s off to bed.

Love, Buff

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:33 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: From Tara – chocolate and stuff

Hi Spike, we added chocolate chips to the brownies and there will be fudge frosting. That was really nice what you did. But Willow said I shouldn’t tell you that. See you tomorrow morning… well, late morning.

Tara

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:38 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Tara – chocolate and stuff

Ya got a nice rack. Wanna shag?

Love,

Me

P.S. You witchypoohs don’t tell a soul… ya got me?

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Tara – chocolate and stuff

Thanks… I think. And Willow says, “duh” about the trust thing. I agree. Believe me, I understand…

Tara

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 12:29 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… OMG!

OH MY GAWD! Did you just READ that? They really are swapping spit. Oh… that’s too disgusting to even think of… I mean GAWD!! Angel? He’s a total Hottie!! How did you know? I mean… how… you’re not having sex with Spike, too… are you???? answer me right now.

Luvz,

Cordy

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: Bsummers@hotmail.org (Buffy), RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara), AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org (Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert), LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn), SuckDeez@yahoo.org (Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz), WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley), Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate), Angel@AngelInvestigations.com, RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:31 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Whatever. Don’t email me anymore Bleach Freak!

From: SuckDeez@yahoo.org
To: Bsummers@hotmail.org (Buffy), RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara), AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org (Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert), LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn), PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz), WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley), Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate), Angel@AngelInvestigations.com, RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:31 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Yo. That’s some sick-ass shit.

G->

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… OMG!

Cordelia, Cordy old pal,

May I just take a moment to say, I TOLD YOU SO!! You gotta listen to the Xandman, he is wise in the ways of demon love. But only with Anya. Anya ex-demon love. Only Anya. Sooooo not doing anything horizontal with the Spikenator… or anything…

It’s me… legs and breast man, you know? And… uh… well, after that phone conversation we had last week, how can you even ask that?? Have I mentioned how great it was to “talk” to you again?

And by the way… TOLD YOU SO!

Love,

Xander

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 1:08 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… OMG!

Xander, then how did you know? Start dishing, Only Anya Demon Lover. Hey – I thought you were on covert ops over there… the “talk”… smooth move, ex-lax.

Now I’m gonna have to worry about your psycho-vengeance woman going all veiny on me again. But anyway… I did enjoy it. It was great to hear you again. You sound… bigger… ;)

Luvz,

Cordy

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… OMG!

Cordy, the guy talks when he’s drunk. And that’s all we do… drink and talk and grunt. Man-stuff. I tried to tell you before, but nooooooo, your Dark Avenger couldn’t be doing it with Spike. Next time you will believe, Grasshopper.

I *am* covert-ops guy… wanna see me in my uniform? I will if you wear that cat suit again! Behold the genius that is Xander Harris… After I found out Anya was snooping through my email I had Willow do some magic encryption stuff, so no one can get into this bad boy except me. Totally safe. Kinda like phone sex. So… bigger, huh? Yeah… growth spurt. And geez but that came out ruder than I meant it.

But yeah. Kinda nice. I mean, I know you’re not leaving your career there, and I’m not leaving Anya. It’s just… nice. Lame, huh? Figured I’d just beat you to it and say it for you. But it was, you know… nice I mean.

Love,

Xander

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 1:35 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… OMG!

Xan,

I don’t think it’s lame… Okay, maybe a little lame. But that’s only because… well it is. I don’t know, though… Not like I hate your veiny-psychopathic schizoid of a girlfriend or anything… but I feel like I was there first, you know? Okay, sounds strange… Whatever… I’m always being accused of being self-centered, so maybe sometimes it’s true. Not like I’m plexing over it… Which I’m not… Even though I know it’s wrong… even though we’re like totally bad… and it was really sexy when you said that, you know… Gawd. How pathetic am I? Drooling over the ‘bad’ comment… and yeah… the uniform… gotta say – worked for me.

Ugh… So… are we gonna talk again soon? Miss you.

Luvz,

C~

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… OMG!

Cordy,

Yeah… you were there first on Planet Xander… never thought I’d hear you make it sound like it was something you were proud of. So… thanks! And yeah… we’re bad… we know it! (Cue bad Michael Jackson music). We’ve got history, I guess… even if it is the Hellmouthy kind, and even if most of it was spent in a broom closet. Now *that’s* the kind of closet I can stand to be in! (no more Spike comments, please!). Yeah… we’re are most definitely going to talk again soon. There will be talkage. *And* I have an excellent long-distance plan (yep, always thinking that Xandman is!).

So… Cordy… how do you feel about cyber sex?

Grinning like an idiot,

Xander

From: Howl@moonstar.com
To: Reply All Address Book: Bsummers@hotmail.org (Buffy), RednBlondWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara), AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org (Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert), LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn), PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), SuckDeez@yahoo.org (Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz), WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley), Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate), RudeBadMan@aol.com (William)
Date: 1/23/01 1:10 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

So. Why didn’t anyone tell me the Hellmouth moved to Los Angeles?

Peace,

Oz

From: MoNeETalkz@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com, Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Cc: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: Date: 1/23/01 1:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

Can Xander and I watch? I think it would prove most educational for him. He has certain reservations regarding the pleasantness of anal penetration. Which is odd, considering how often he enjoys being the one performing sodomy.

And Xander? Perhaps if we reclassified sodomy as “good” touching, then it will be o.k. for Spike and Angel to sodomize you, just like it’s o.k. for you to give Willow those long and very sensual hugs that should be reserved only for me. I think we need to review the touching list.

Love,

Anyanka

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com, Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:45 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Fwd: Re: The Differences

Please please please delete and disregard Anya’s last email. Please. Really. It didn’t happen.

Xander

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: MoNeETalkz@yahoo.org
Cc: AnyasViking@yahoo.org,
Date: 1/23/01 1:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences

ExDemon who’s shaggin Droopy,

Only if we can shag Droopy.

Love,

Me

From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: Howl@moonstar.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Hey there Mister!

Oz, Hey Wolfie!! I’ve totally missed you! Oh my god, howcome you don’t write more? I mean, this is a pretty crappy way for us to hear from you, but hey… we’ll take what we can get, you know? Anyway, I have to talk to you – I’m doing this dog shampoo commercial next week, and I need to know how you keep your coat so shiny. Like do you use products? I’ve got to get into character… give me something to draw from.

Luvz,

Cordy

From: Howl@moonstar.com
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:24 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Hey there Ms.

Not a whole lot of recall on the whole wolf thing when it happens. Which isn’t often. I kinda have this control thing going on. But good luck. Devon sends you… well, he’s doing something interesting with his tongue. Says you’ll understand. I’ll let you know when I’m in town.

Oz

From: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 6:36 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday
Subject: Re: The Differences

I’m not sure I understand what’s happened here. I’m also not certain I want to. Please refrain from Emailing me. I dislike this machine enough as it is.

Regards,

RPG

From: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 6:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday
Subject: Re: The Differences

Spike,

One should really not answer one’s email before the first cuppa. Please disregard my previous missive. You are nobler than you let on. You and I both know what you did, and there’s no point in dwelling on it. However, I feel compelled to say that it was quite gracious of you. I thank you, on Buffy’s behalf.

You are also correct. Wesley is an insufferable, sanctimonious pillock. Please feel free to send him annoying emails. Often.

Cheers,

Rupert

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 4:42 PM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday
Subject: Re: The Differences

Rupert,

Good to know everyone from the Motherland isn’t a complete wanker.

Ta,

William

From: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… and How!!!

You and Angel are gay??? That’s so cute!

Love ya!

Lil bit

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 2:21 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… and How!!!

Lil Bit,

It’s not cute. And you shouldn’t be reading this rubbish. Go to bed, you’re up past your curfew.

Love,

Me

From: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences… and How!!!

Nyah nyah nyah… you’re the one in the dog house. Buffy’s stuffing her face with ice cream at Willow’s, so I have the house to myself! Hehehehe… what evil can I get up to? What do you suppose I can find out on the internet, Spike? And the great part? You can’t tell on me to Buffy because she won’t be talking to you for like… forever! Nyah nyah nyah… love you a lot! Give Angel a big kiss for me!

Say you love me too!

Lil bit

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 2:32 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Go to bed!

Lil bit,

You’re not so big I can’t take you over my knee, you know. Now off with you. Bed. Now. Or no more trips to the crypt for story time. Now goodnight, and forget you read this rot. You better listen to Sis, or you’re in for it. I may not be able to bite… but Angel can.

Love,

Me

P.S. Yeah, I love you, too, Nibblet

From: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Go to Bed!

No one *ever* let’s me have any fun! It’s not fair! I *hate* being young! Fine, fine… I’m going. See you tomorrow. And of course you love me… duh!

Lil bit

From: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
To: Howl@moonstar.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:36 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Hi

Oz! Hi! You have an email address! I didn’t know that. You just seemed to disappear. But here you are… wherever here is for you. Uhm… how’s about some small talk? How are you? How are the Dingoes doing? Tara and I are doing well… really good. I miss you. Do you think next time you’re in town we could get together and talk?

Love,

Red Pez Witch

From: Howl@moonstar.com
To: RednBlondWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 7:02 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Hey

I didn’t answer you right away. Needed to think. I don’t think I’m ready to see you right now. Funny how I can control the wolf in me, but I can’t manage to look at you. Yeah… funny.

Let’s just try this email thing. See how that works out.

Oz

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:10 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Talk to me

Love,

You alright over there? Talk to me.

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

I don’t really know… I have to talk to her, but I just called and Dawn said she was at Willow’s with some guys named Ben and Jerry. I’m pretty sure that’s some inside joke. I can’t believe you did that for me.

I’m going to owe you, aren’t I? That’s okay… you made it easier for her.

I wish it weren’t so close to daylight, I’d drive out there. Do you think she’ll be alright?

You know I love you, right?

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:19 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

Angel,

She’ll be fine. She’s alright. Strong girl. She’s eating sweet treats with her chums already… That’s a good sign. And just for the record… I love you too.

Forever,

William

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:23 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

Will – there’s been a lot of wasted time between us. No more, alright?

Love,

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:34 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

Angel, We’re of the same mind here, pet. Tomorrow?

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:42 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

Will – as soon as I talk to her. I need to do that first. God, I’m an idiot and this isn’t how she should have found out, but I’m glad everyone knows. And they do. I don’t think you really fooled anyone. Except maybe Xander. He’s not too bright. So, yes, tomorrow. Sleep well, one of us should.

Love,

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:56 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

Angel, If you can’t sleep – you know what to do. Give yourself a happy for me, love. You can call, too… I’ll talk ya through it. Give ya a good seein to on the phone, yanno. And Xander? He already knows. He was just bein good about it for Slayer’s sake.

Love,

Me

P.S. Can’t wait to touch you, love.

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:01 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Favors of a non-sexual variety

No, you do not get to shag Droopy. So… nice thing you did there, Bleached Wonder. Need me to pick up anything for you? I’m betting you have company coming tomorrow. Take care, DeadBoy Jr.

Xander

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 4:08 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Favors of a non-sexual variety… you sure about that?

Xanpet,

Come on… Just once. If ya don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again. Yanno you’re curious. I know ya are, anyway. And, yeah… Poofter’s comin tomorrow. Tonight… I could use some JD. Be a love and go pick some up for me.

Love,

Me

From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:10 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Favors of a non-sexual variety… yes I’m sure!

Right. Whatever. Stop giving Anya ideas. Just shut up and say thank you to the nice human. JD it is. See ya mañana you evil gay demon you.

Totally straight Xander

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 4:14 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Favors of a non-sexual variety… Fine!

Shaggy,

Like I’d shag you anyway. And ta pet. You’re a love.

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

Now I’m guilty and horny. Thanks, Will. And trust me… I know how to give myself a happy, but it will be nice to be thinking of you and tomorrow. Incentive. Definitely.

Love you,

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:22 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

Angel,

Can’t tell ya how much I wanna slip inside ya right now. Could shag that sweet arse of yours for days. Tomorrow.

Love,

Me

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:25 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

How do you do that to me? Type a few words and have me in knots. I know… that gave you a visual. Think about it. Me. Tied up. At your mercy. Begging for you. And you know I would. Want you now. Very, very much. Be ready tomorrow. See you…

Angel

From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:27 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

Angel,

Bloody hell. Tied up? Bugger. Gonna have me a nice wank thinkin on that.

Love,

Me

P.S. Will ya let me blindfold you?

From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:30 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me

The devil invented email, we’re just perfecting it. You know I’ll let you do anything you want… because then I’m going to be doing it to you. Now go to sleep… and think of me. Chains. Sweat. Moaning.

God, I love email!

Love you more…

Angel