Part 21

Xander looked up when the door to his shop opened. To say he was surprised to see himself standing there with a vampire was an understatement. He looked over his shoulder and noticed that his lover had also seen the two enter. It wasn’t that they didn’t get the odd vampire in here from time to time, it was just that this was only the second time Xander had seen himself come through that door, and this time his double wasn’t a vampire, and he hadn’t accidentally summoned him.

“Okay, I know I didn’t summon you, so who are you, why are you here, and why are you with Spike?”

Ethan came out to stand with Xander and looked over at their visitors. He leaned down and whispered in Xander’s ear.

“He’s not a vampire; what do you suppose he’s doing with William the Bloody?”

Spike snorted and elbowed the Xander next to him.

“Well, I must say I’m disappointed. I was expected babbling and death threats and possibly some fainting.”

“Yeah, well. Sorry to disappoint, oh bleached one. Looks like this Xander is used to having himself walk in here, or something that sounds less stupid.”

The Xander on the other side of the counter smiled. At least this one wouldn’t want to turn him. He nudged Ethan and nodded toward the shelf behind him. Ethan turned and picked up a small orb before handing it to him. Xander addressed his double.

“So, what brings you here? And what’s his deal, ’cause I have to warn you, I have an orb of Thessula here and I know how to use it. Any trouble and your fanged friend there gets his soul back.”

Spike gaped and surreptitiously slipped behind Xander. He had enough problems ta very much; he didn’t need a soul on top of everything else.

“Hey, no worries. We come in peace. I just wanted to talk, maybe ask a favor?”

“Alright, we can go in the back. The vampire tries anything funny, he gets souled and you… well lets just say green could be a very good color for you.”

Xander nodded mutely. He wasn’t sure if he liked this possible version of himself. He was cocky, arrogant, and sure of himself. He reminded him of someone, he just couldn’t grasp who it was.

Once they were all seated at a small table in the back, the Xander of this world spoke up.

“So tell me what brings you to my dimension.”

After explaining how he ended up there, how Spike had been taken with him and what he was hoping his double could do for him, Xander sat back and rubbed his temples, he had a hell of a headache. Spike saw the pain on his face and scooted his chair in behind him and took over rubbing his head for him. Xander sighed in relief; Spike’s cool hands felt wonderful.

“I can do the spell you want, but first I have to know what kind of magic is affecting you. Do you mind if I do a revealing spell on you? It won’t hurt, it’ll just tell me if you are under the influence of any other magicks and what their intent is.”

“Sure, do I have to move or anything?”

Xander chuckled at his double. He might not have any magical abilities, but it seemed he was able to charm a vicious vampire into caring for him.

“No, just sit and relax. I’ll be back in a minute.”

After Xander left the room, Spike stopped his soothing ministrations and turned Xander’s chair around to face him.

“I don’t know about this, pet, can we trust him?”

“Spike, we don’t have much choice. It’s either we trust him, or we get joined at the hip. That’s the only way to assure that you come with me when I leave, and somehow I don’t think that option would work out very well. I mean, I’m lucky I haven’t shifted during a shower yet and ended up in some new world completely naked.”

Spike shrugged his shoulders and spun Xander’s chair back around.

“If you say so.”

Xander came back in, followed by Ethan. The two began setting up the spell while Spike went back to his earlier job of soothing Xander’s headache. He had started out doing it as an automatic response. He had done this back in Sunnydale for Riley; of course then it had been because he was ordered to do it. Now he did it because he wanted to, regardless of what Angel had said to him, he was not transferring.

“We’re ready. Just relax and stay still. Spike you’ll need to remove your hands from him.”

Spike moved his hands and slid his chair back around beside Xander. He wanted to watch this spell and make sure nothing happened to his new-found friend. It had been a long time since Spike had had a friend, and he wasn’t about to let some wonky spell take him away.

“It’s done.”

Spike had been so caught up in making sure Xander was okay, he hadn’t heard the two warlocks casting their spell. He dubbed himself ten kinds of stupid for not paying more attention to what was going on around him.

“And? What kind of spell is he under?”

Xander and Ethan exchanged a look before Xander answered Spike’s question. Spike didn’t like the look one bit. They knew something, something not good from what he had seen.

“It’s vengeance magic. You mentioned you dated a vengeance demon?”

“Anya, yeah. We were engaged.”

Xander sighed. He’d really hoped that Anya wasn’t behind this, after all he had tried to explain to her why he’d done it. He was surprised to hear Ethan speak; the man hadn’t said a word to him since he and Spike had shown up.

“Anya? I’m not familiar with that name?”

“Anyanka, actually. The patron saint of scorned women. There was an incident, long story. She became human, we dated, fell in love, got engaged and then I left her at the altar.”

Ethan cringed at the idea of what that woman was capable of. He had heard tales of men who had been horribly disfigured or worse by the demoness, all in the name of justice.

“I must say, I think you got off easy, lad. I’ve heard tales of her deeds. You are either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid to have pissed that woman off.”

Xander snorted. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at his double.

“I don’t suppose you can break the curse and send me home?”

“No. Sorry dude, but your stuck on this crazy roller coaster ride. But now that I know what I’m dealing with, I can do the other spell. You sure you want to take the vamp with you? I could think of less homicidal traveling partners.”

“I’m sure. I dragged him into this after all. It’s the least I can do, and we’re friends.”

What they weren’t saying was annoying Spike. He knew there was more to this and he wanted to know what else they saw.

“Tell him the other thing.”

Xander looked at Spike, confusion on his face.

“They know something, luv. Something they aren’t telling you.”

Xander looked at his double and the wizard. He scowled slightly and his double sighed in defeat.

“Fine. It’s not like I wasn’t going to tell you. I just thought you might like some privacy when you found out.”

“Found out what? Besides, obviously both of you know what it is so why the need for privacy?”

Xander looked over at Spike and then it made sense. Whatever it was they weren’t saying, it was because of Spike.

“Okay, give me the basics and I’ll decide whether or not I want this made semi-public knowledge.”

Spike didn’t have a clue what could be so secretive that the warlocks wouldn’t want to say it in front of him. He was a bit concerned about Xander, and he wanted to know what was going on so he was relieved when Xander didn’t automatically ask him to leave so he could find out in private.

“There is a second spell on you. Ethan recognized it right away, as it is identical to one I had on me when we first met. It’s Wiccan in origin, Willow’s work. Shall I go on?”

“Willow put a spell on me? Why would she do that? What is it for?”

The other Xander scrubbed at his face with his hands. He went through this a few years back; it wasn’t going to be pretty watching his double go through it now. Thank God Ethan had been there to help him through it. Maybe Spike would help Xander to deal with the betrayal of a friend.

“Do you remember your birthday party that Willow and Jesse threw you - remember what happened that night? With Jesse?”

Xander nodded and blushed. He’d already had this conversation with himself once before.

“Yeah, and?”

“Have you ever thought about doing that since then?”

“Doing what?”

Xander raised his eyebrow at his befuddled double.

“Oh! No, um not since high school. Why?”

“That’s the spell’s influence. It basically blocks those thoughts and urges. You know Wills was in love you, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I know. But that was along time ago, why would she do that, and why not remove it by now?”

“She couldn’t put a love spell on you, she wanted you to love her for real so she did the next best thing, she made it so she had a better chance by stacking the odds. As for why she didn’t remove it? I don’t know. I never asked her. I can remove it if you want.”

Xander thought he was prepared for anything, but to find out that his best friend had fundamentally changed his whole life, taken away his choices, it shook him to his very core. No wonder his other selves were happy, they had the freedom of choice, something he didn’t. He thought over his relationship choices. Cordy - well he wasn’t under a spell’s influence there. Was he? Just when had Willow done that spell anyway? The French teacher was definitely all him though, so was Impata. So really, it was just Anya, and possibly Cordelia that had been influenced by the spell.

His other self that was involved with Faith was probably under a spell; he couldn’t see himself willingly choosing to date the crazy slayer. But the others that he had met: the him that was so happy in his relationship with Spike, the one dating Wesley, and now this one who seemed to be doing well for himself out here in L.A. with Ripper’s nemesis, they didn’t act like the bumbling fool he knew he was. It was as if by having choices, they had been allowed to grow and mature as people - okay that crack about leaving Spike in Sunnydale wasn’t really mature, but on the whole, they were more confident than he was.

So the question stood, did he want his double to remove the spell? On the one hand yes, he hated not being in control of his thoughts and feelings. But on the other hand, he was scared. He wasn’t so sure he could handle having his entire world turned upside down. He snorted; he wasn’t in his world, though, was he?

“Do it. I might as well face everything at once. I work well under pressure, go ahead and tighten the screw.”

Xander nodded and left the room, Ethan followed behind him. Once they were gone, Spike put his hand on Xander’s shoulder.

“Want to tell me what that was all about?”

“No, but I will. If you’re going to be traveling with me you should know the truth.”

Xander closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. He let it out slowly and began.

“When I was fifteen, my best friend Jesse and Willow threw me a birthday party, I stayed at Jesse’s that night and he kissed me. I pretended to be asleep and once he fell asleep I went downstairs and spent the night on the couch. We never talked about it, and after that he threw himself into the pursuit of one Cordelia Chase. I never forgot the kiss though, I was just scared.”

“You were young, it’s normal to be scared.”

“I was scared because I liked it. See, my father wasn’t a nice man and he’d get drunk a lot. He used to call me names sometimes, like ‘faggot’ and ‘no-good queer’. Once I realized what they meant, I was determined to never become what my father called me. So even though I loved Jesse - he was my best friend - I never acted on the feelings that kiss produced. After a while, after Jesse died, they just seemed to fade away. I never thought about why. Now I know.”

Xander was trying not to cry as thought about all the pain and misery he might have been spared if he hadn’t had this done to him. Would he even be in this hellish situation? Spike wasn’t sure what to do to comfort the boy so he just waited in silence for Xander to continue. Eventually he did.

“Willow was in love with me, or thought she was. She put a spell on me to block my… bisexuality I guess. I mean, this isn’t the first dimension that I’ve been gay in, obviously. Why would she do that to me? She saw how miserable my life was, how I was constantly struggling to fit in somewhere. I’ve always felt like I was missing something; I just thought it was because I didn’t have super powers like all my friends, now I know that isn’t it. She took a piece of me; she made me less than who I should be. Xander is going to remove the Spell; I’ll probably change. I don’t know who I’ll be when it’s done.”

“You’ll be who you were meant to be, Xander. That’s all you can be. And hey, I’ll still be here. I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, bi, whatever. I’m a vampire; we’ll do just about anything. Take Dru, she really goes for the slime-and-antlers crowd. Not my cup of tea, mind you but to each his/her own.”

“Thanks, Spike. I feel better.”

Xander and Ethan, who had been listening outside the door, came back in with several jars and books. After arranging things the way they wanted them, Xander had Spike stand to one side of Xander while he bound them with magic.

It took several spells, but eventually Xander was free of Willow’s spell and had both Spike and his possessions magically linked to him. Ethan gave him a small jar of oil and told him to dab it on anything else that he wanted to link to himself. Before they left, Xander stopped his double and pressed something into his hand. Spike stepped outside and lit a cigarette while he waited.

“In case you shift when you’re outside in the sun.”

Xander looked at the ring in his hand and then looked back at his double.

“Is this…?”

“Yeah, it is. Take it. The damn thing has been nothing but trouble for me. You look like you could use it.”

“How did you get it? I thought Buffy sent it to Deadboy?”

“She did, but Oz is a smart guy. Angel in the sunlight equals joy, which could lead to perfect happiness. So he gave to me instead. Could you imagine the carnage Angelus could cause if he were unstoppable?”

Both Xanders shuddered at the very idea of it. Xander stared at the ring; it was so small to be able to do so much. He wasn’t sure if he should give it Spike, but after everything the blond had been through didn’t he deserve some reward? Besides, the sunlight was going to be an issue. The only problem was not letting Angel see it.

“Thanks man. You’ve been a big help. I wish there was something I could do to repay you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve been there, sort of. Take care, and I hope you make it home, Xander.”

“Thanks, me too.”

Part 22

Xander kept the ring held tightly in his fist, hand inside his pocket, all the way back to the hotel. He was trying to decide whether or not to give Spike the ring - or at least whether or not to give it to him yet. This wasn’t his Spike, after all; this one had been through a hell that he couldn’t even imagine. Maybe this would make up for some of his mistreatment, maybe it wouldn’t. One thing was certain, if he did give him the ring they couldn’t stay at the hotel with Angel.

“Hey, Spike? How would you feel about going back to Sunnydale?”

Xander cringed under the look that Spike turned on him. He tried to remember that for Spike, Sunnydale was like Acathla’s dimension to him. He took a calming breath and laid his hand on Spike’s shoulder.

“This isn’t your world, things won’t be like that. If it makes you feel any better, we won’t see any of them. I just want to be in Sunnydale when we finally get to my world, otherwise I might not recognize it. Okay?”

Spike reminded himself that this man had not only taken him away from Riley, but he had taken him from his own reality. Riley could never touch him again. He trusted Xander. If he said things would be okay, they would be.

“Alright, we’ll go. But how the hell are we gonna get there?”

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Any ideas?”

Spike grinned and pointed to a motorbike parked a ways down the street. Xander followed his finger and when he saw the bike he shook his head.

“No. We are not stealing a bike. I’m not going to jail just for a ride to Sunnydale.”

“You got a better idea? I’m all ears.”

The truth was, Xander didn’t have any better ideas. He rolled his eyes and then nodded at Spike.

“Fine, but you realize that we’ll probably shift out halfway there and end up a smudge on the highway in the next world.”

Spike chuckled.

“Not if you dab a bit of that oil on the bike. Never know when you might need to make a quick getaway.”

Xander hated to admit it, but Spike was right. He definitely could have used a getaway vehicle in Acathla’s world. He let Spike steal the bike and waited for him the next block over. Once Spike pulled up to the curb, Xander quickly drizzled a small amount of oil onto the bike and then climbed on.

After a very brief stop at the hotel to say goodbye - and for Spike to get some blood, they were on their way to Sunnydale. Xander held on tightly to Spike as the blond sped down the highway. The way Spike drove, Xander wondered if he’d live long enough to get home.

It was almost dawn when they sped past the ‘Welcome to Sunnydale’ sign. Xander knew they had to find a place to crash so they headed for the cemetery; hopefully they could find an empty crypt to hole up in for the day.

“You know, I really need to get some money for emergency hotel rooms or something. The last time I hid in a crypt I got dragged off by demons and put in a cell.”

Xander shuddered at the memory and Spike frowned. He had a few bad memories of his own with regards to crypts and Sunnydale. Finn had once left him tied up naked and bleeding in a crypt for days. Every once in a while, he or one of the other soldiers would come by and whip him or cut him open… or worse. The Sunnydale Motor Lodge was starting to sound like the Ritz-Carlton right about now.

“I hear ya, but seeing as we’re broke and I’m at serious risk of spontaneous combustion, I think we’d better pick a crypt and get inside.”

“Okay, you’re the graveyard-dwelling demon here, you pick.”

Spike looked around quickly and pointed. Xander chuckled and shook his head.

“Figures. Back home that’s Spike’s crypt. How did I know you’d pick that one?”

“Well I better pick another then, cause we don’t know if there is a me in the Sunnyhell of this world.”

Spike pointed at a smaller crypt further back in the cemetery and they headed for it quickly. They yanked the door open and pushed the bike inside. Spike went in to check the place out while Xander waited outside. Spike popped back out briefly to give him the all clear and Xander followed him in.

Blue eyes blinked in shock and surprise a few feet away. If Spike was right, he had just seen himself go into that crypt with a human and a motor bike. He was absolutely going to check this out at sundown. Spike turned back toward his own crypt and slipped inside.

Inside, Xander and Spike were trying to get comfortable on the hard floor of the crypt. Xander was using his bag for a pillow and Spike had pulled his duster off and was using it for a blanket. They lay side by side in the farthest corner of the crypt, Xander between Spike and the door. He didn’t want the vampire to get hit by any stray sunlight if someone happened to open the door.

Of course, he could have just given him the ring, but he was still unsure. He wanted to be positive he was doing the right thing before he handed it over. In the wrong hands, that ring was dangerous. Eventually exhaustion won out and they both fell asleep.

As soon as the sun set, Spike slipped out of his crypt and made his way quickly across the cemetery. He slowly and quietly opened the door to the crypt he had seen himself go into this morning. He looked around and found the two sleeping men curled up together in the corner of the crypt.

Even if he was blind he would know that was himself lying in the corner with a human man sprawled across his chest. He could smell it. He wondered what the hell was going on - the only thing he could think of was Red was working mojo again and screwed up. He wanted an explanation before he ran off and accused her; her wolf was quite protective of her, and still human enough that his chip would go off if he tried to hit him.

Spike screamed and sat up abruptly, knocking Xander off his chest and waking him in the process. Xander sat up and saw that the vampire was still asleep and just reacting to something in his dream. He wrapped his arms around him and began talking to him in a low soothing voice, just as Spike had done for him the other night.

Spike stood back in the shadows and watched as the human comforted his double. He knew that scream; he had suffered nightmares himself after escaping the Initiative. If the Watcher and the wolf hadn’t taken him in he’d have likely starved to his final death. He was intrigued by the behavior of the human. He couldn’t see the man very well, but he was familiar somehow.

Spike woke up and felt the warm hands on his skin. He froze in absolute terror. Eventually the voice broke through his fear-fogged mind and he sobbed in relief. Xander just held him and let him cry; turnabout was fair play after all, and he figured Spike had a hell of a lot more to cry about than he did.

He had made one decision; tonight he would give Spike the ring. If it gave him any small measure of happiness it was worth it. He’d never seen Spike like this. It was heart wrenching.

Eventually, Spike calmed down and pulled away from Xander in embarrassment. He couldn’t believe he had broken down like that. It had been a long time since he’d had a nightmare that bad and even longer since he’d allowed himself to cry.

“Hey, don’t be ashamed because of that. I don’t think any less of you - like you said, everyone needs comfort sometimes.”

Spike nodded but remained silent and rigid. Xander sighed in frustration. He knew this wouldn’t be easy for Spike. He’d never met a prouder more stubborn person - demon, whatever in his life.

“Come here. Please?”

Spike allowed Xander to pull him close again. He relaxed into the warm embrace and just enjoyed the comfort being given to him. It was a strange, yet nice feeling.

“You don’t have to tell me what that was all about, but if you ever want to talk, I’ll listen. No pressure. Okay?”

Spike nodded again and they remained sitting together in silence for sometime. The Spike who stood watching from the darkness was shocked. He could clearly see the man’s face now. It was that boy he had kidnapped with the witch a few years back. Last he’d heard he was shacked up with some warlock in L.A.

Eventually, Spike and Xander got up and walked to the door. They both needed to eat, and in order to do that, they needed money. Xander couldn’t believe he was going to let Spike scare people into giving them their wallets. Spike had been with him a matter of days and he was turning into a criminal. He hated to see what he’d be like after a few months of his company.

Spike followed them from a safe distance as they headed toward the Bronze. He watched with some amusement as his double went into game face and scared a couple teenagers out of their cash. Of course when he saw the vamp smile at his human, he almost threw up. No fangs. That just wasn’t right. Who the hell would do that to him? Spike decided it was time for answers.

“’Ello, pets, are you having fun?”

Xander and Spike spun around to see Spike watching them curiously. Simultaneously they both replied.

“Shit!”

Part 23

Spike chuckled. He hadn’t exactly expected this reaction.

“Not for over a century, personally. Now, mind explaining to me why you have my face? And why you are here with… me, rather than in L.A. with your warlock?”

Spike looked first to his double and then to Xander. It was Xander who answered.

“What do you know about vengeance demons and the Initiative?”

Spike swore softly and then grimaced. It figured that Finn and his outfit were behind the fang-removal. He was once again thankful that he had escaped when he did.

“I’m far too familiar with the Initiative for my liking.”

Spike tapped his head with a finger and continued.

“But as for the vengeance demon bit, I can’t say as I know anything. Why don’t we go back to my crypt and talk? I have blood, and you can pick something up on the way.”

Xander and Spike exchanged a look and then Xander shrugged his shoulders. They followed Spike back to the cemetery and into his crypt. It was similarly decorated to the one his Spike had, including a furnished lower level.

They ate in relative silence, Spike watching his guests intently. The vampire didn’t change faces to feed, which was just odd. The blood scent alone should call forth the demon. Finally, when both had finished eating, Spike couldn’t take the waiting any longer and demanded answers.

Xander explained his relationship with Anya, the former vengeance demon. Spike snorted in amusement at the size of the kid’s balls to leave a demon - ex or otherwise - standing at the altar. He could see why she had done what she had. It was himself that he was mostly interested in. Xander left that story up to Spike. He wouldn’t say anything about Finn or the hardware that had been inside him; it wasn’t his story to tell.

“Me? Simple really. The military recaptured me after I escaped from the lab. They did stuff; I ended up as the property of one Agent Finn. I was implanted with not only this buggery chip but also fifteen other pieces of technology, courtesy of the U.S. Government. Xander there shifted into my reality and didn’t like my living conditions, so he called Angelus - Angel, to come down from L.A. and get me.”

Spike looked shocked. His opinion of the human had just risen considerably. He knew none of the humans he associated with would go to that much trouble for him and he had been helping them for years. This kid didn’t even know that version of himself and risked a lot to help him.

“We got chased through the woods by soldiers, hid out in the old mansion and waited for Peaches to ride in and save the day. Back in L.A., one of his pets did a spell to locate any tracking devices I might have on me; turned out I was a walking military experiment. I have no idea what any of the stuff did, except it doesn’t hurt to shift into my true face anymore so that must have been part of it. Soldiers stormed the hotel, slayer in tow, and shot us down with tazers. Xander landed on me - lucky for me, and took me with him when he shifted out. Now we’re here.”

Spike nodded in understanding. He saw the look on his double’s face when he said they ‘did stuff’. He knew what that entailed, but to live through it for this long? He wasn’t sure he would have lasted. He figured that this Spike had likely endured things he couldn’t even imagine, or wouldn’t want to.

“And staying in a crypt?”

“No cash for a hotel room.”

“So, when the boy shifts out again, what happens to you?”

Spike smiled at Xander before answering.

“I go with him. His double in L.A. worked some mojo on us.”

“Fair deal. Can I have yer bike then?”

Xander laughed; he couldn’t help it. This Spike sounded so much like the one he knew back home. Always looking for what he could get out of a situation.

“Sorry, Spike. The bike has been mojo-ed as well. It goes where we go, and seeing as it’s stolen, that’s probably for the best.”

“True. Can’t blame a bloke for asking.”

Now that Spike had asked his questions and gotten them answered, Xander had a few things he wanted to know as well. For starters, he was curious about Willow.

“Can I ask you a few things, about this world?”

“Sure, can’t say as I’ll know the answers though.”

“Willow is still with Oz?”

“Yeah, she and the wolf are engaged; they live at her parents’ old place. The house was given to them as an engagement present. Red says it’s because her parents likely won’t be back for the wedding, or ever.”

Xander could see that. Where his parents were verbally abusive, Willow’s parents ignored her. Xander didn’t know which was worse - at least when his Dad was yelling at him, he knew he was there.

“I can see that. What about Dawn? Who’s looking after her?”

“She was staying with Rupert until he went back to London. Her Dad’s a right git, didn’t even get off his secretary long enough to show up at Buffy’s funeral, let alone come and collect the li’l bit. She’s currently living with Wolfboy and Red. Sometimes she stays here with me. I don’t know why, but she likes me.”

“Yeah, the Dawn back home, likes you too. She must see something in you the others don’t.”

Spike was becoming uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation. He figured that Xander knew things about the Spike he was traveling with that were true of himself as well, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. It just wouldn’t do for anyone to find out how soft he was becoming. Especially where Dawn was concerned. She was the only reason he was still in this godforsaken town, now that Buffy was gone.

Xander continued without thinking.

“Hell, after Buffy came back from the dead, she was so messed up, you took better care of Dawn than she did.”

“What did you say? Buffy came back? How?”

“Oops, maybe I shouldn’t have told you that part. See, in my world, Wills is a very powerful witch; she and her girlfriend Tara can do almost anything if they put their heads together. We helped her do a spell, something to do with an urn of Osiris. It brought Buffy back, but she’s still a mess. I don’t know that she’ll ever be completely herself again. Turns out, she wasn’t in some Hell dimension, she was in heaven… and we ripped her out of it.”

Any hope that Spike had was once again crushed. He could never do that to Buffy. She deserved to have peace, but he was sure Dawn would appreciate knowing that Buffy wasn’t in a hell dimension.

“Well, that was brilliant then, wasn’t it.”

“We didn’t know. How could we?”

Spike sighed. He was taking his frustrations out on this man for no good reason. He was just angry that this boy had Buffy waiting for him back home and Spike would never see her again.

“You should come and see the witch. She’ll want to know you’re here.”

Xander had a flashback of the Willow from the demon dimension and shuddered. He wasn’t so sure, after the nightmare especially, that he could face her.

“I don’t know about that. We were hoping to keep a low profile.”

“Nuh uh. She finds out you were here and I didn’t tell her, it’ll be my arse in a sling.”

Xander sighed and looked over at his travel companion. He wasn’t looking too thrilled about the idea of seeing anyone from the scooby gang. Xander didn’t blame him, but eventually he would have to get used to them - at least if he was going to come all the way home with Xander.

“Question. Where is Finn, and what happened to the Initiative here?”

“Gone, and gone. Soldier boy took off in a big black helicopter, and the Initiative was blown sky high.”

“All right then. But if anyone comes after either of us, I will hurt you.”

Spike snorted but nodded in the affirmative. He knew that Xander was just trying to look out for the other vampire. He was almost jealous of the loyalty he showed to him. He didn’t have anyone watching his back.

Part 24

To say that Willow was pleased to see him was an understatement; of course, she thought he was her Xander at the time. Once explanations were given, she was still happy, but not as much. Apparently the Xander in this world had left SunnyD and never looked back. After learning about the spell, Xander didn’t really blame him.

Dawn was thrilled at the prospect of two Spikes - at least she was until she realized that the other Spike didn’t like any of them, other than Xander. She understood why after they gave a brief explanation of his recapture by the Initiative, and subsequent enslavement by Riley - and the gang by default. Willow was horrified by what she had heard. Spike just snorted.

“Oh, please. Just because you lot don’t drag me around on a leash don’t make it any better. If I don’t have the information you’re looking for, I don’t get fed. If I don’t play nice and do as you say, I get beat up. Not so much now that Buffy isn’t here to do it, but it still happens.”

Spike looked pointedly at Oz. The werewolf had taken it upon himself a few times to rough Spike up after Buffy’s death. He wasn’t happy about it, but it was what the slayer had always done, and it was the only thing he knew for sure that worked.

“If it weren’t for the bit here, I’d leave you all to rot in this hell hole. I’d get better treatment from Angel than I do you people.”

Willow looked down guiltily, and Oz nodded. He knew it was the truth, no point in denying it. He had wondered why Spike had stuck around after Buffy’s death, now he knew. Dawn started to cry and flung herself at Spike. Spike held her and petted her hair.

“Hush, luv. Didn’t mean to upset you. It’s all right. Stop crying.”

Dawn sniffled and wiped at her eyes. She lifted her head to look at Spike but didn’t let go of him.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t want you to stay here just for me. I’ll understand if you leave, really.”

“Not gonna happen, luv. I made a promise to your sis to look after you till the end of the world. I keep my promises.”

Xander and Spike had crept towards the door during the previous conversation. This was way too personal to be intruding on as far as Xander was concerned. Spike just wasn’t comfortable in the room with these people. He had only seen the werewolf the once since he’d been chipped, and that was when he’d tried to eat the blonde witch. He didn’t trust the man.

They were almost at the door when Willow spotted them.

“Xander Harris, what do you think you’re doing trying to sneaking out of here without saying goodbye?”

Xander sighed in defeat. He had really hoped to get away from her. He wasn’t all that comfortable with any version of his best friend right now. After the nightmare, and then learning about the spell, he was on edge.

“This is personal, we shouldn’t be here.”

“Well, will you come back? I mean before you… shift?”

Xander shrugged his shoulders before replying.

“I can’t really say; I don’t know how long I’ll be here. Could be weeks, could be a few hours.”

“Oh, well where are you staying then? I’ll come and check on you guys tomorrow.”

“We’re a few crypts down from Spike; I’m sure he’ll let you know where it is.”

Xander steered Spike toward the door. He had his hand on the doorknob when Willow spoke up.

“You can’t stay in a cemetery! What kind of person would I be if I let you sleep in a cold, damp crypt?”

Xander didn’t say anything but Spike looked over at his double - who was still crooning softly to the distraught girl in his arms, and then looked at the woman scowling at Xander.

“You tell me, ducks. Seems you don’t have any problems with that at all.”

Once again, Willow’s eyes teared up and she looked down at the floor. Oz growled at Spike and put his arms around the redhead. Xander stepped in front of Spike and stared hard at Oz. He made his position very clear: if Oz wanted Spike, he had to come through him first.

“He has a point, Wills. Spike might be a demon, but that’s not all he is. Look at him over there with Dawn- Does that look like a cold-blooded killer to you? Think about it. I’ll come and see you again tomorrow if we’re still here, but right now I think we should go.”

Spike looked at Xander and then nodded to his double. Xander knew that Willow and Oz wouldn’t do anything to Spike, but all the same he called out to him.

“Hey, Spike? We’re heading out, you alright here or you wanna come with?”

Spike looked over and shook his head. He hoped he managed to keep the shocked expression off his face. He hadn’t expected to be asked along.

“Nah, you two go on. I’m gonna stay an’ visit for a bit.”

Once outside, Xander shook off the tension he’d been feeling since they stepped inside the house and pulled out the rest of the cash they had stolen that night.

“Looks like we have enough for a room tonight, what do you say Spike? Crypt, or live it up at the old Sunnydale Motor Lodge?”

“Hotel. We can get more dosh tomorrow night if we’re still here. That floor was bloody uncomfortable.”

“I agree. I think we should leave the bike where it is though and walk over. No point in drawing attention.”

Spike agreed and they set off on foot. The walk over was surprisingly uneventful, and after stopping off at the crypt to get Xander’s bag, they headed for the hotel. They only had enough for a room with one double-sized bed but they figured since it wasn’t the first time they had shared a bed it would be fine. Of course, that was before Xander knew he had a spell on him that prevented him from being attracted to men. Now he knew, and the spell was gone.

Xander showered while Spike flicked around the television stations. When he was finished, he loaned Spike a pair of sweat pants so the vamp would have something to sleep in, and waited for him to go shower before pulling out the ring and looking at it. It still seemed so small, so unimpressive. It was hard to believe that this little piece of jewelry could make a vampire invulnerable. He wondered what Spike’s reaction would be when he gave it to him. Also he wondered what he should say to Spike when he handed it over.

Spike was thinking about the way the humans and his double interacted. He could see straight off that this Spike had it a lot better than he did back home. Even still, the other vampire had a point. They did mistreat him, and it was obvious that they knew it. The girl - Dawn, loved him though. That was the strangest thing he had ever seen. The Dawn in his world wasn’t allowed within ten feet of him. She never spoke to him or even looked at him. If she saw him, she turned away and left the room. Maybe she was saddened by what she saw? If the girl in his world was anything like the girl he had seen tonight, he wouldn’t be surprised if she was.

By the time Spike came out of the bathroom, hair damp and wearing nothing but Xander’s sweat pants, Xander had decided to just give Spike the ring and see what happened. He waited until Spike had seated himself on the bed and leaned up against the headboard, then he turned off the TV.

“I have something for you.”

Xander held his closed hand out and then opened it slowly. He watched as Spike’s eyes widened, became glassy and then closed. He didn’t understand why Spike hadn’t taken it yet. His Spike would have snatched it out of his hand immediately. Then he noticed the tears on the vampire’s cheeks and the fact that he was trembling ever so slightly.

Xander closed his hand and sat down on the bed next to Spike. He wasn’t sure why the man was upset but he felt awful for making him cry. He reached out for him and sighed in relief when he didn’t pull away.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I thought it would make you happy. I didn’t mean to make you cry, really. If you don’t want it, that’s okay. I can keep it in case you change your mind.”

Spike shook his head and held Xander tightly. When he spoke it was muffled by the fact that his face was buried in the other man’s shoulder.

“It’s not that; I am happy. Really. It’s just too much. You’ve done so much for me, been so nice to me. After… After everything else, it’s just overwhelming I guess. I didn’t mean to cry to like some silly bint.”

Xander chuckled and gave Spike a squeeze. He was just relieved he hadn’t inadvertently hurt him somehow.

“No worries, I’m used to people going all emotional on me when I give them a ring. At least you didn’t slap me.”

Spike pulled away and looked at Xander; he wasn’t sure what the man was inferring here. What exactly did the ring represent here? Xander caught the worried look on the vampire’s face and reviewed what he’d said. Whoops, he hadn’t meant it to sound like that!

“Sorry, bad joke on my part. The ring is yours because I want you to be safe, that’s all. I don’t know what you were thinking, but I don’t expect anything from you, I’m not like that. I like you; we’re friends right?”

At Spike’s nod Xander continued.

“Well as your friend, I want you to be safe. If we shift in the daytime, and I’m outside, you’ll be dust. This way you won’t.”

“Where did you get it?”

“The other Xander; he got it from Oz when Buffy sent it to L.A. for Angel. Neither one of them trusted Angelus with the knowledge of the ring’s whereabouts so he ended up with it instead. He thought I should have it - said that I could use it more than he could. We have to be careful though, I don’t want the others to see it. Oz would recognize it right away and so would the other Spike.”

Spike thought about that for a minute; his double would have no qualms about taking it from him, hell he would if he were in that position. He wanted to put the ring on so badly, but what Xander had said made sense. They had to be careful.

“Maybe you should hold onto it until the next world. We’ll figure out what to do with it then.”

“Alright. But just to be sure, I treated it with the oil, if it’s ever taken it’ll come back.”

“Thank you, Xander. You know, the Spike in your world is sure lucky to have such a good friend. I’m sure he misses you terribly.”

Xander snorted.

“I may have been a bit… misleading when I said we were friends. Don’t get me wrong - I like Spike, it’s just, in my world, I wasn’t any better than Willow and Oz were with this Spike tonight. I just didn’t understand. Now I know better, and if we ever get to my world, I plan on making it up to him. I owe him an apology - for a lot of things.”

“Well, you’ve proven yourself to me. I’m proud to call you my friend.”

Xander smiled and closed his eyes. He felt better now that the truth about his relationship with the Spike of his world was out in the open. He didn’t want there to be any lies between them. Not if they were going to be stuck together for some time.

Part 25

Somehow we’ve been coerced into staying at Willow’s. Don’t ask me how, I’m really not sure. They seem to be under the impression that Spike and I are a bit more than friends, at least I think so, since they have us sharing a room. Not that I mind so much; I’m still having nightmares and it’s nice to have someone close by when I wake up shaking.

Spike is slowly getting more comfortable around Willow and Oz. He warmed up to Dawn almost immediately but I don’t think he even knew the Dawn from his world. The Spike from this world is okay, he’s a lot like the one back home, so much so that I sometimes forget where I am and have to stop myself from starting an argument with him just to hear what kind of creative insult he can come up with. I never thought I’d miss being insulted by Spike. Go figure.

I should probably tell you that the Xander of this world gave me the Gem of Amara. I gave it to Spike. He asked me to keep it for him until we shift. Oh yeah, that’s another thing - he’s coming with me. I didn’t know what else to do, I pulled him out of his own world, so I feel responsible for him, plus I like the guy. So he decided to come along on this crazy ride. I’m happy to have the company.

I have some rather disturbing news; it seems that Willow put a spell on me back in high school, when she thought she was in love with me. It was designed to limit my affections. Oh hell, she put a whammy on me so I wouldn’t like guys any more. Not that there were a lot of guys I liked to begin with. Only Jesse, and I was terrified of my father ever finding out so I never told him. Now, I’m not under that spell anymore.

It answered a lot of questions, like why the other me - the one with Spike, was with him. The Willow on that world was gay in high school; she had dated Cordy so therefore no spell on the Xan-man. I don’t know about the one with Wesley, but I can only assume that he wasn’t under a spell or someone had lifted it for him. The me of this world was under a spell; that was how he recognized it on me. He never asked Willow why she did it; he never spoke to her again.

I sort of hope we leave this place soon. I know Spike doesn’t like it here, and I’m not really comfortable either. I hope the next world has a friendly feel to it. Hell, I hope the next world is home.

Part 26

After Spike had re-emerged - dressed in black jeans and a thin white t-shirt, explanations had been given. No details were offered up, just the basic ‘I have been jumping through realities and picked him up on the way’ speech. Spike had given a brief description of his stay with the Initiative, and subsequent servitude to Riley Finn.

When the Spike of this world figured out that it had been Finn who had removed his double’s fangs, he went ballistic - cursing and swearing, throwing things and growling like a mad man.

Xander and Spike looked over at Xander and Willow and waited for an explanation. It was Willow who finally spoke up. She looked at her enraged blond lover and then sighed sadly.

“The Initiative captured Spike and put a behavior modification chip in his brain, I assume you know all about that? Well, when he escaped he went to the only person he thought would help him - Angel.”

Xander saw the tears forming in Willows eyes and felt the urge to hold her, to protect her. He did nothing however, just sat and listened as she continued.

“Buffy and Faith - the slayers, convinced Angel that he shouldn’t help him, that Spike was just a demon and therefore not deserving of any compassion. If you ask me, those two have him so pussy-whipped that he can’t think for himself. Anyway, Xander and I found him one night on our way home; he was lying in the park waiting for sunrise.”

Willow started to sob and the Xander of this world pulled her into his arms. By this time Spike had finished venting his anger and sat down to listen as well. After Willow calmed she continued.

“You wouldn’t have recognized him, he was so pale and gaunt. He looked like a skeleton. We took him home with us, fed him and I tried to disable the chip. I couldn’t. Not yet anyhow, but I’m still working on it.”

Xander held up a hand to interrupt.

“Um, did you say Buffy and Faith? And they’re both with Angel? What about the curse?”

Spike chuckled and then waved toward Willow.

“Red here took care of that. Poof shagged Slutty and went nuts; ole Angelus tore through town on a bloody revenge kick. Dru and me high-tailed it out of town, and the witch re-cursed him. Took out that little happiness clause this time round though. No more insane brood-boy.”

Spike smiled at his lovers and then continued.

“After the slayers threw me out, I tried everything I could think of to get this damn thing outta me head. Eventually, I was just too weak from hunger to fight anymore and I gave up. Laid out to meet the sunrise and then woke up here. Been here ever since.”

Xander had so many questions he wanted to ask, like why Willow and he weren’t helping Buffy, how long they’d been together, what Spike’s problem was with Riley. He didn’t know where to start. He was handed a cup of coffee and began drinking it without even looking to see who had passed it to him. He was startled out of his thought when Spike spoke up.

“What’s the situation with the soldiers in this reality? They still around here?”

Xander could practically feel the tension radiating from his friend. He instinctively reached for him and pulled him down to sit in the seat beside him. He didn’t let go of his hand.

Once again, the other three people in the room shared a look before Willow answered Spike’s question.

“The Initiative is no longer functioning. It was blown up, Xander and I helped. It was the only thing we’ve had to do with Buffy in a long time. After what Spike told us, we had to help destroy it. What they were doing was wrong.”

Xander nodded his agreement. He didn’t care for vamps and demons - aside from Spike - but experimenting on them wasn’t right. It was one thing to kill them, that was self-preservation and keeping the town safe; experimenting was cruel and unjustified.

“So, you enjoy the show this morning?”

That being said by a smirking Spike, Xander whipped his head up and opened and closed his mouth several times trying to form words. The Spike beside him just laughed at Xander’s embarrassment and cocked his eyebrow at his double.

“Leave off, don’t embarrass the boy.”

The two vampires shared a silent look that said a lot. The other Spike nodded his head, having his question answered. Xander felt his hand squeezed and looked over at Spike who was smiling gently at him.

“Shall we take a walk, pet? See the sights?”

Xander grinned. He figured the blond was just itching to get out in the sunlight. He smirked at him.

“We could do that. Or we could take the bike and go for a ride?”

Spike’s eyes lit up and he shot to his feet.

“I’ll get the bike, wait here.”

As soon as Spike was out of the room the other vampire’s eyes widened in recognition.

“Bloody hell! He has the ring!”

“Yeah, he does. And he keeps it.”

“But how? Where?”

“Last place we were in, my double gave it to me. I gave it to him and you’ll have to go through me to get it.”

Spike looked at the boy impressed. He had no intention of taking it, all right so he had thought about it for a brief moment, but after what he’d seen and heard, he figured his double deserved a break.

“No intention to take it, was just shocked is all. Angel has the one in this world. Soddin’ slayer took it from me and gave it to that poof. Bastard doesn’t even use it, too guilt-ridden to enjoy it. He can shag the hell out of two slayers but he won’t go out in the sun, pillock.”

“Sounds like deadboy alright. Except the shagging two slayers part. I never saw him as the group sex type, not with the soul anyway.”

Spike came back into the kitchen just then; he was practically hopping from one foot to the next in anticipation. Xander laughed and got up.

“Come on bleachy, let’s go play in the sun.”

The Spike of this reality watched with a look of longing on his face as his double stepped out into the sunshine. He really hated the damn slayer and his poof of a sire. Willow and Xander both wrapped their arms around him and did what they could to comfort him.

Part 27

Today was great. Spike and I drove around on the bike for hours, then we went down to the beach and watched the sun set. Once it was dark again, we headed back to Willow’s place to pick up our stuff.

About that, I should probably explain this morning. We shifted at some point late last night, or early today. I woke up - with Spike lying on top of me - we’ll get to that in a minute - and we were in a new reality.

In this place, I am apparently involved with not only Spike, but Willow as well. I saw them together, together together. I had no idea how beautiful Wills is, I mean, yeah I always new she was attractive but damn, I never saw her like that before. And Spike? Gah!

Which leads me back to this morning. When I woke up and he was on me, I was startled at first. That was mostly due to the fact that he was all grrr, and then I found myself getting aroused by his weight on top of me, the look of concentration in his yellow eyes. Then for one brief moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. He didn’t. He whispered in my ear that we had shifted and that he could hear voices - our voices. I won’t lie - a part of me was disappointed that he didn’t kiss me.

What is wrong with me? I mean yeah, I like the guy - he’s not the same Spike I thought he was, and he’s different from the one back home, but only because he’s been through so much. I have these strong urges to protect him and keep him safe. I don’t understand it. He’s a demon, an evil soulless demon. So why am I attracted to him in more than just a physical sense?

I can admit to finding Angel attractive, okay I can admit it here, but never shall those words pass my lips, and if anyone ever sees this I’ll deny writing it. But with Broodboy, it’s purely a physical reaction. Same as Faith, she’s hot but as a person she does nothing for me. So what’s different about Spike? Why do I find myself thinking about the way his skin felt under my hands when I was searching him for military hardware? Why do I watch him while he sleeps?

He’s in the shower right now. We got a hotel room after we picked up our things from our doubles. They offered to let us stay with them but it would be too weird to listen to them having sex again. Or to see it. I still can’t get the image of Spike and my double kissing out of my head. I get hard just thinking about it.

That’s another problem. I know what Riley and those Initiative bastards did to Spike. Not all of it, but I know he was raped. He talks in his sleep, begs for them to stop. Sometimes it gets so bad that I wish I could go back to his world and kill the bastard. I feel totally out of control about it, like something primal in me wants to avenge Spike. In a way, it reminds me of the feelings I had for my pack when I was possessed by the hyena. A sense of… home?

Obviously, Spike isn’t going to be interested in me that way. I’d be surprised if he were ever interested in a man again ever what he’s been through. Although, I can’t picture Angelus as the hearts and flowers type - unless the hearts were still warm and gooey. I’m sure he suffered similar treatment at his hands as well.

That doesn’t solve the problem I find myself facing. I like Spike. As in want to kiss him silly, like him. What is it with me and demons? I mean, why am I constantly drawn to supernatural beings? Why, for once can’t I just find a nice normal human person to fall for? No, they have to be slayers, or vampires, or wizards, even Wesley was into magic. I guess it’s time I face the facts, I will never be involved in a normal relationship. I don’t think I’d know how. But that still doesn’t help me with Spike.

Part 28

It’s official. The Xan-man is definitely interested in guys. It’s weird, I mean I never really thought about it before; okay yeah I thought about kissing Jesse, but that was the extent of it - kissing. I never thought about having actual sex with him.

Spike and I have been here in this world for four days now. We haven’t been back to see Willow, Xander and Spike since the morning we woke up in their home. It’s just too weird. Not the Spike part or even the Willow part - although that is somewhat wiggins-worthy, it’s the whole threesome thing. Soooo not me. At least I don’t think it is.

Maybe it’s a spell? God, am I ever going to be able to trust Willow again? Right, off topic. Where was I? Oh yeah, the whole Xander-is-a-poof thing. How the hell did I not notice this before? Wills must have put one hell of a whammy on me ’cause ever since the spell was taken off I-- S noticing guys in a whole different light.

Spike and I were watching TV last night - wrestling, to be precise, and I kept noticing how attractive some of the men were. Not the usual “oh he’s got a good build, wish I looked like that” but the “wow, nice ass on the Rock” sort of noticing. It seriously weirded me out for a minute. Then I realized it was okay to notice those things, that it was part of who I am, or who I would be if Wills hadn’t interfered in my life. I think Spike noticed, he looked over at me and gave me this… I don’t know, reassuring look? It was way weirder than admiring the Rock’s ass. Of course I’d much rather admire Spike’s ass than the Rock’s. And that, my dear diary,
(God, how girlie) is the problem.

We’re still in the same hotel room, still sharing a bed. Every morning I wake up with him in my arms, his head resting on my chest, one of his legs thrown over my thighs. I want to kiss him; actually I want to do a hell of a lot more than just kiss him, but a kiss would be a nice start. I think he knows that I like him, he acts… off with me now. Like he’s trying to make up his mind about something. Probably trying to decide if he wants to stay here rather than risk staying with a recently gay man who has the hots for him. Maybe I should have left the spell on?

At least he has the freedom to go out now. Giving him the ring was a good idea, I think he feels safer now, and his face whenever he looks at it… beautiful. I don’t know how to describe it.

Oh, yeah. His fangs are back. This morning when he shifted faces to feed, I saw them. I never thought I would feel relieved to see a vampire’s fangs but I was. I think he might be starting to heal in more ways than just the physical. He’s starting to act more Spike-ish, which is good, but I still see the real him as well. The one that held me when I cried, the one that reaches out for me in his sleep. I like that Spike too.

Speaking of, he’s waking up now so I should put this away before he starts teasing me about being all girlie and writing in my diary. Besides, I don’t want him to see anything that I’ve written. Wouldn’t do to let him know I’m falling in love with him.

Part 29

Cruising through town in the middle of the day - arms around Spike’s waist, the hum of the motorcycle underneath him - Xander was feeling like today could be a very good day. Of course, Murphy’s law went into overdrive here on the hellmouth, and anything that could go wrong, most certainly did.

Wanting to get a fix on the scoobies of this world, the first thing they did was go by the Magic Box. Of course it wasn’t the Magic Box in this world. In fact, it was a pet store. Somehow, Xander just couldn’t picture Giles as the owner of a pet store, so they didn’t bother going in.

A wary Xander knocked on the door to Buffy’s house and was greeted by a large Spanish woman. After a stilted conversation - where Xander’s limited understanding of the Spanish language was tested beyond endurance - he returned to Spike with little information other than the fact that Buffy didn’t live there, and the large Spanish woman did, and had for several years now.

A phone booth provided answers. There were no R. Giles’ listed, nor were there any B. Summers’ or J. Summers’. There was, however, a listing for Willow’s parents. Deciding to take a chance that they might actually be home, Xander gave Spike directions to their house and they set off.

After knocking on the door several times and receiving no answer, Xander gave up. Spike was actually relieved to not have to deal with any of Xander’s ‘friends’ but he wasn’t about to tell the boy that. As far as he was concerned, this world was looking up. No slayer, no wolf, no witch, no watcher. If he knew for sure that there was no Initiative here, he could actually relax for as long as they were stuck here.

“Come on, luv. We’ll drive down to that donut shop we passed earlier. You’ll feel better after you get some sugar into you.”

Xander nodded and climbed back onto the bike behind Spike and rested his cheek against the warm leather covering the vampire’s back. He was feeling lost and depressed and he really just wanted to go back to the hotel and crawl into bed. Of course, seeing as how they had to re-rent a room, that could be a problem.

“Okay, but can we go back to the hotel after that? I’m kinda worn out from all the running around today.”

“Sure, pet. Whatever you want.”

The bike roared to life and they spun off down the street.

After scarfing down donuts and overly sweetened coffee, Xander was in a much better mood. Spike hadn’t eaten yet that day so they headed off toward Willy’s and stopped by the closest sewer entrance. Spike left Xander with the bike while he went to purchase some blood.

The bar was pretty much the same as it was back home as far as Spike could see. Willy was wiping a glass with a less than pristine towel, vampires and other various demons were scattered throughout the room drinking all manner of mostly disgusting beverages, and the only humans in attendance were pets, whores or thralls.

Willy swallowed audibly when Spike approached the bar and the vampire could smell the fear pouring off of him. It was obvious that his double in this world still frightened the little man, so he used that to his advantage.

“Blood, the good stuff, now.”

“Y-yes, Master Spike. Of course, right away.”

Spike smirked as the sniveling little human ran to do his bidding. Within less than a minute, Spike had a large glass of very fresh, still warm blood in his hand. He savored the scent before drinking and then licking his lips.

“Another.”

Once again he found himself enjoying the taste of fresh human blood. He wondered for a minute where it had come from, but then decided he really didn’t care. He reached for his wallet to pay the little man and then stopped. If his double was as evil as he used to be, he wouldn’t pay for blood.

“Ta mate. Be seeing ya.”

Spike turned and left the bar the same way he’d gone in - through the sewers. As soon as he had left, two of the other vamps got up to tail him. They didn’t learn much, as Spike had heard them following him and dusted them both.

Willy knew that his life was about to take a turn for the worse. When the Master of Sunnydale learned that Spike was back in town, all hell was going to break loose.

Spike found Xander waiting for him with the bike. He took a few minutes to look at him - really look him, before he knew he was being watched. Xander was leaning against a tree across the street, his eyes were closed and the sunlight was shining down on him. He looked radiant. Spike - full of fresh human blood - felt himself harden in his jeans. He licked his lips in anticipation and stealthily strode toward Xander.

Xander ‘eeped’ in surprise when he opened his eyes to find blue eyes staring into his own. Before he managed to collect himself to even speak, he found his lips taken in a passionate kiss. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around the vampire and kissed him back.

Cool and moist, Xander plundered Spike’s mouth with abandon. He could taste faint traces of blood in his mouth but it didn’t stop him from enjoying the kiss. Eventually, he needed to breathe and broke away from Spike’s mouth, gasping for air. Spike continued his assault on Xander’s neck instead. Licking and sucking at his pulse point, nibbling his way up to Xander’s ear and sucking the lobe into his mouth.

Xander shuddered and drew a shaky breath before speaking.

“Not that I’m not enjoying, ’cause I am, very much. But why the sudden change of heart? This morning you weren’t ready and now suddenly you are?”

“Want you.”

That was the only reply Xander got. And the voice, so low and sexy, sent tingles racing down his spine and his cock twitched in anticipation. He was about ten seconds away from offering himself up right there in the middle of town when a car drove past and someone yelled out ‘get a room’.

“Mmm, good idea that. You did say you wanted to go back to the hotel, didn’t you?”

The rich baritone voice whispering in his ear promised pleasure, an end to the exquisite torture that he was feeling, and satisfaction. Xander couldn’t speak, barely managed to nod his head and followed blindly as Spike led him by the hand back to the bike parked a few feet away.

Back at the hotel, Xander waited while Spike checked them in and got a room. He was beginning to be able to think again, now that he wasn’t in physical contact with the blond. He was torn between saying the hell with it and jumping the vamp as soon as they got inside the room or putting a stop to it until he knew what had changed Spike’s mind.

One look from those smoldering eyes had him plastered up against the wall, being kissed breathless. He decided thinking was vastly overrated and lost himself in the pleasure of the moment.

He did notice however that Spike was taking a decidedly aggressive approach to this and figured that this was what the vamp needed, at least this time. It was fine by Xander, as he had no idea what to do when it came to making love with another man.

As he was led toward the bed, Spike stopped just long enough to rid them both of their shirts and shoes; then he was attacking Xander’s mouth again. Xander felt his legs bump into the bed just before he fell back, Spike coming down on top of him. He gasped as their groins connected, hard flesh pressed against hard flesh.

“Fuck, Spike!”

“Plan to, pet. Gonna make you scream for me.”

Somehow, Spike managed to get them both naked before Xander even noticed he had moved. At the first press of Spike’s cock against his own, Xander thought he might cum right there and then. It was only due to his relationship with Anya and learning how to prolong orgasm that he didn’t.

Spike’s hands were everywhere, touching, caressing, pinching and probing. Xander could do nothing but gasp and moan, beg and plead. And when Xander felt the first slick finger breach his opening he merely pushed down to get it in further and begged for more.

By the time Xander was stretched and ready, Spike was in game face and straining to keep himself from just pushing inside Xander and hurting them both. He took several deep, unneeded-but-calming breaths and then slowly, slowly pushed until the head of his cock was past the tight ring of muscle.

Xander gasped and his eyes rolled back in his head. He hadn’t expected it to feel like this. Spike’s cock was so much larger than the fingers that had just left his body; he expected it to hurt. It didn’t; it burned but in a nice way. A very nice way, and he wanted more.

“Please, God, Spike, please.”

Spike opened his eyes and looked into deep brown eyes that begged without voice for him to do something to fill the ache. He swooped down and kissed Xander again as he began to ease his way inside. Once he was fully encased, he rolled his brow across Xander’s and panted as he waited for a signal that it was okay to move.

Xander opened his eyes and smiled at the game-faced Spike above him. He knew without a doubt that he would never be able to forgive Willow for denying him this. The fact that he could have had years with Spike - the Spike back home - the way ‘Xan’ did, and avoided all the mess that was he and Anya, pretty much guaranteed it. But he was happy enough with where he was right now to know that he would at least try.

Spike felt Xander wiggle and took that as a sign to move. He angled himself so that Xander’s prostate was stimulated with each thrust and began to withdraw from his body before plunging back in.

Neither man lasted long, both too worked up and desperate. Xander screamed as he came and Spike followed right after him, roaring as his climax tore through him. Spike collapsed on top of Xander and felt warm arms embrace him as his softened cock slipped out of Xander’s body. A tender kiss was placed on his temple and then he was rolled onto his back. Xander snuggled into him and promptly fell asleep.

Part 30

I slept with Spike. Okay, nothing new there as we sleep together practically every night. What I should have said was I had sex with Spike. Sex. With Spike. With the kissing and the touching and the penetration. I let a demon fuck me. I let a demon fuck me and I liked it. A lot.

This isn’t coming out the way it should. It sounds… dirty, and it wasn’t. It was good, more than good. It was unbelievable and wonderful and I hope he doesn’t regret it and hate me. God, I’m pathetic. Here I am, after one of the most profound experiences of my life, wondering if the evil vampire is going to regret having sex with me.

But Spike isn’t completely evil, is he? At least not this version. He was so sweet earlier today, he kissed me and told me he liked me, but he wasn’t ready for that yet. ‘That’ being sex. Explanations are probably in order. See, after joking with me about sharing a shower, I was so worked up I took matters into my own hands. Spike heard and confronted me when I came out of the bathroom. That’s when he kissed me and told me he wasn’t ready.

So what changed his mind? I mean, we checked out the town, didn’t find any of the gang, had something to eat, and then went to Willy’s so he could get blood. I waited across the street for him and when he came out he just… attacked me. Not in a bad way, in a kissed-me-stupid-and-made-my-brains-leak-out-of-my-ears way. Then we came back here to the hotel.

I thought about stopping him, at least until I knew what had brought about the sudden change of heart, but then he was kissing me again and I lost the ability to think. So now I’m sitting here on the floor, back against the wall, watching him as he sleeps, and writing. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Why he changed his mind about us.

What do I do when he wakes up? I haven’t got a clue how to deal with ‘the morning after’ with a guy, or a vampire. Especially a guy vampire. Do I kiss him and treat him like my lover? Do I act as though it didn’t happen and continue on as friends? I’m completely lost. I do know one thing though. I have to let Spike set the pace and the boundaries of this - whatever it is we have. I can’t push or rush him. Not after everything he’s been through.

Yeah, that’s it. I’ll let him decide what happens now. Give him control, he probably needs that - to have control of something in his un-life again, even if it is just the pace of our relationship.

Oh God! I said relationship. I’m in a relationship with a vampire, a manpire. Spike - William the Bloody. I had sex with one quarter of the Scourge of Europe. Will this make Drusilla and Deadboy my in-laws?