Part 31

Xander stared at the door in open-mouthed shock. After all, it wasn’t every day that two vampires broke into your hotel room and then fled in a fit of babbling and apologies.

“Uh, Spike?”

“Yeah, pet?”

“What the hell was that?”

The vampire chuckled and then turned around to face the still startled human on the bed behind him. He pulled Xander into his arms and kissed him on the temple.

“Minions. Those two were so fresh I could still smell the shit of their deaths on them. Bloody clueless lot, most of them.”

“But… What did they mean with all that Master stuff?”

“Who knows, luv. Chances are we’ll find out if we stick around here long enough, I got the impression that I’m being summoned.”

Xander groaned and closed his eyes. This was not what he had in mind to do tonight. Go for a drive, get something to eat, perhaps watch Spike scare a few teenagers into giving them their cash - but not being summoned by the ‘Master of Sunnydale’, whoever that was.

“God, don’t let it be Angelus. Anyone but Angelus.”

Spike snorted.

“What, you think the Master is any more sane? Please, old bat-face was loopier than Dru most days.”

“Oh, right. I actually hadn’t thought about him. I figured, you know since Sunnydale wasn’t completely overrun by demons that he was dust.”

“Hmm, probably. Doesn’t answer the question of who’s in charge here though, does it?”

Xander shook his head and then wondered if they should put off the summons until after the awkward conversation or if they could put off the awkward conversation by accepting the summons. He wasn’t too sure which was the lesser of two evils at this point. Spike answered that unspoken question for him by slipping out of bed and reaching for his jeans.

“You want to come with me or wait here? Could be dangerous, but better to know what we’re up against, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll come with, just don’t let anyone eat me, eh?”

Another snort from the vampire.

“Not likely, no one’d be stupid enough to try for your neck. You smell like me, they’ll know better.”

Spike shrugged into his shirt and reached for his boots as Xander tried to puzzle out what exactly that meant. He was no closer to figuring it out when Spike’s voice broke the silence.

“And if they don’t… I’ll tear their soddin’ heads off before they get close enough to touch you.”

And just why did that give him warm fuzzies? Xander couldn’t figure it out, but possessive Spike made him feel good. He’d ponder that later; right now he needed to get dressed.

After dressing and leaving the hotel, they drove into town. Neither had any idea of where the Master of the hellmouth would be, so they merely drove around letting their presence be known. It wasn’t long before someone noticed.

Xander wondered if all the minions in this Sunnydale were as stupid as the two that had burst into their room earlier. By the looks of the three that were slowly making their way towards them, he would guess yes. They were looking at him like he was scarier than Spike, which was just wrong. Spike seemed to think so too.

“Oi! Quit looking at him. What do you want?”

The first of the three vampires stepped forward and bowed his head. Spike smirked at the obvious show of submission. It did wonderful things for his ego, being feared again. He was beginning to feel like his old self again. Amazing after what he’d been through, but Spike had always been resilient. Something to thank Angelus for, if he hadn’t been such a sadistic bastard, Spike wouldn’t be as strong-willed as he was.

“Master Spike, my apologies for looking at your consort. I bring word from my Master. He wishes to speak with you. If you would follow us, your consort is welcome to attend.”

Xander looked at Spike questioningly, he wasn’t sure what a consort was, or if it applied to him. Spike just gave him a look that clearly said ‘shut up’ and turned back to the minion who had addressed him.

“Do I have your Master’s word that no one will touch him?”

If he didn’t have that guarantee, he was sending Xander back to the hotel with the bike. It was one thing for him to face off with this Master, it was another to endanger Xander.

“Of course. He will come to no harm, I assure you.”

“He better not, or you die slowly, and painfully.”

The vampire nodded and turned back to the others that were with him. They headed off in the direction of Crawford Street, and Spike and Xander followed behind them. Once the vamps were far enough in front that Spike was certain they couldn’t hear, he spoke softly to Xander.

“Whatever happens, play along. They think you are my consort, so you have to play the part.”

“Okay, but what the hell is a consort? I can’t act like one if I don’t know what it is.”

Spike swore softly and shook his head. He didn’t have time to explain vampire lore right now. He had assumed Xander would know about these things.

“In short, it means you’re mine. Not like a pet though, like a lover, a confidant. But you don’t question me, not in front of others at least. Whatever I say, just go along with it, we can talk about it later okay?”

“Fine. But we are going to talk about this.”

“Of course, pet, I expect we have a lot to talk about, eh?”

Xander just snorted. Yeah, they had a lot to talk about. Like why Spike had suddenly changed his mind about sex, what that would mean for their relationship, did they have a relationship? Oh yeah, he was really looking forward to that conversation. Not.

When they stopped in front of the mansion, Xander groaned and thumped his head lightly against Spike’s back. He so didn’t want to be here. It looked more and more likely that Angelus was the Master of this Sunnydale, something Xander really didn’t want to contemplate.

They were led inside and left to wait in the large room off the front foyer. There was a comfortable looking leather sofa and two high back chairs in the room, a fire was lit and soft, tinkling music could be heard. In the farthest corner of the room was a small table and chairs set up, on the table was a full tea service.

Xander sat down on the sofa and watched Spike as he cased the room; not a single detail escaped the vampire’s gaze. Eventually Spike returned to Xander and took a seat on the sofa beside him.

“It’s not looking promising, pet. I’m pretty sure whoever else is here, Dru is with them.”

Xander’s eyes bugged out and he turned on Spike, he wasn’t too hot on the prospect of seeing Angelus again, but Drusilla was completely insane, and she scared the hell out of him. The vampiress was capable of hypnosis and all sorts of other mind games. Xander still remembered vividly what she had done to Giles, not something he wanted to experience for himself.

“Oh, no. No way. I am not staying in the same room as that crazy…”

“Easy, luv. That crazy… was my lover for over a century.”

Xander nodded his head and wisely kept from making any more disparaging remarks about Dru. Spike and he might be friends, even lovers now, but he knew full well what the crazy brunette had meant to Spike. He still had a faint scar on his forehead to prove it.

“Sorry, Spike, but she scares me. You know she wanted to turn me once? Said I had a face like a poem.”

A noise from the doorway interrupted what Spike was about to say. They both turned and stared in shock at the two vampires that entered the room.

“Mmm, yes I did say that. You made me love you, and I made you mine.”

As Dru twirled and danced around the room, Xander watched with wide eyes as a younger version of himself sat down in a chair opposite him and studied him with open fascination.

“So, this is how I would look if I had lived, huh?”

Part 32

“Well, that was downright disturbing.”

Spike snorted at Xander’s remark. Disturbing didn’t begin to describe what they had just been through. Spike had sat for the past forty-five minutes going back and forth with himself. The sight of Drusilla still filled him with longing and pain; then there was Xander, both the living and undead versions of the boy.

Something about the vampire version of his friend called to him, it gave his demon ideas of turning the boy and making him his forever. Of course he couldn’t do that - chip. What disturbed him was that he wanted it. For all his good intentions, wanting to keep the boy safe and alive, a part of him was willing to trade his heat and his soul for a chance at eternity.

So what did that mean, that he wanted Xander for eternity? In all his years, Spike had never made a childe, never taken a mate either. Dru had come closest as a mate but she was his sire, and it was her decision to mate with him or not, she chose not. With Dru it had always been about ‘Daddy’ so Spike knew he would never have more than he already had. In Xander, he saw both childe and mate. It was both comforting and scary as hell at the same time.

The ride back to the hotel was conducted in silence, Xander could tell that Spike was doing some serious thinking. He didn’t blame him, hell he had a few things on his mind as well. Like what the hell happened back there.

Dru had danced around the room babbling about how Spike was ‘wrong’ and ‘artificial’. ‘Not my golden boy. Impostor!’ she had shouted at him. The other Xander seemed to ignore her ramblings and sent her to make tea for her dollies. Spike had rolled his eyes at that, but Xander had seen the pain in those blue eyes as Dru kissed Vamp-Xander and spun out of the room.

There were a lot of questions - mostly about him, a short conversation in which Xander learned that Dru had sired him during the botched love-spell fiasco, and that the scoobies were all dead. By his hand, no less. Angelus had been killed, a joint effort by Spike and Xander to rid themselves of their biggest competition, and that Dru had chosen Xander over Spike. Spike had left town shortly after that and hadn’t returned. Until now.

Vamp-Xander had seen Spike’s return as a threat to his relationship with Drusilla, and had Dru send the minions to summon Spike to appear before them. Learning that Spike had made a consort out of a human version of himself intrigued the vampire; he wanted to know how it had been accomplished. A brief explanation on how neither of them were from this reality got Vamp-Xander past his suspicions of Spike’s surprising reappearance.

So now, here they were, driving back to the hotel with the blessing of the current Master to enjoy their stay in Sunnydale and to come back and visit again if they wanted.

“It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens, thanks,” Xander muttered under his breath. He had no intentions whatsoever of going back to the Crawford Street mansion. Dru still gave him the willies and seeing himself as a vampire was extremely unsettling.

Spike stopped the bike and waited for Xander to climb off before dismounting it as well. He reached out and pulled the human into his arms and breathed deeply. The scent of himself on Xander did a lot to calm his raging demon. He still had a nagging sensation at the back of his mind telling him to turn the man, to make him immortal, but with Xander this close, in his arms, he could push it down and ignore it.

“Hey, Spike? Shouldn’t we go inside?”

“Yeah, pet. We should.”

Spike kept one arm around Xander as they headed back to their room. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen once they were inside. He knew that Xander had questions, he just hoped he could answer them.

Once inside, Spike flopped down on the bed and picked up the TV remote. Xander grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower, he had been hoping to talk to Spike about what was going on between them, but from the looks of things, Spike didn’t want to talk just yet.

Spike sighed in relief when the bathroom door closed and Xander started the shower. He got up and began pacing the room, trying to figure out what exactly he was going to tell Xander when he asked about what was going on between them. The truth was, Spike didn’t know.

The only thing he knew for sure was that he trusted Xander not to hurt him. On a primal level, his demon had already accepted him as mate, and he hadn’t even claimed him yet.

“Not like I can. Bloody stupid chip in me head. Can’t hunt, can’t defend myself, can’t protect what’s mine. Bloody useless I am, boy’s better off without me.”

Spike stopped dead in his tracks at that thought. The very idea that Xander might think the same thing shook him to his very core. He suddenly needed to be close to him, to feel his arms around him. He stripped down and flew into the bathroom.

Xander yelped when he was suddenly pulled against a cool, naked body. He recognized the hands that were stroking his belly and relaxed. He leaned his head back on Spike’s shoulder and closed his eyes. This was unexpected but nice.

“Miss me, blondie?”

“Mmm hmm.”

Spike began nibbling on Xander’s neck and then groaned in arousal as the mortal rolled his head to the side to give him better access. It was a huge show of trust and acceptance on Xander’s part, exposing his throat to a vampire, even a chipped one.

“That’s nice. Feels good.”

Xander slowly turned in Spike’s arms and kissed him. He had completely lost focus on why he had gotten in the shower in the first place. Spike drew away slightly and picked up the tiny bottle of hotel shampoo.

“We need to buy some decent shampoo, pet, and some unscented soap. This stuff smells like flowers for Christ’s sake.”

“We’ll do that tomorrow, right after breakfast. Kiss me again?”

Spike smiled and kissed Xander again, the shampoo momentarily forgotten. When Xander pulled away to breathe, Spike spun him back around and began washing his hair.

Once he had finished lathering and rinsing Xander’s hair, he picked up the small bar of hotel soap and a washcloth. He lathered up the cloth and began washing the smooth tanned skin of the man in front of him.

Spike took the opportunity to map out every inch of Xander’s body as he washed him, he could feel the faint lines of old scars here and there, likely due to helping the slayer of his world. Spike grimaced at the thought. He knew that Xander thought his friends were different from the versions that Spike had known, but the vampire wasn’t so sure. The witch was supposed to be his best friend and she had put a spell on him that essentially changed who he was, just to suit her own selfishness.

Xander rinsed off and then repeated the process on Spike. Sliding soapy hands all over his skin, across strong shoulders, down his well-toned arms. He washed his back, his chest, his unbelievably sculpted abs. Xander knelt down to run his soapy hands down the vampire’s legs and then back up again, still on his knees, he caressed the pale fleshy globes of his ass before turning him around.

Spike looked down at the smirking face of the man on his knees before him. He knew why Xander was smirking at him; it had everything to do with the very prominent erection that was jutting out at him. He shrugged his shoulders at him and leered.

“As long as you’re down there… “

Xander choked back a laugh and took up his rapidly shrinking bar of soap. He lathered up his hands and then ran them up the insides of Spike’s thighs till his fingers twined into the coarse hair of the vampire’s groin. He smiled at the small groan Spike let out when he wrapped one soapy hand around his cock and began massaging his balls with the other.

Xander laughed out loud as Spike rinsed himself hurriedly, picked him up and strode out of the bathroom with him before dumping him on the bed, still wet and giggling. Spike smiled at him and then pounced.

Part 33

God, where do I start? Everything is so fucked up; I’ve been jumping around from one place to another so quickly I forgot about all the people I left behind on the way.

I mean, what about Angel? Did Riley and his guys get him? Would Buffy allow that? Could she really stop them even if she tried? Shit. I wish… No, I don’t wish. No wishing here. I would like to know, if there was some way possible to find out if he’s okay. Then again, if he isn’t, do I want to know that? Seeing as how there is nothing I can do to help him?

And speaking of Buffy, I wish (damn there’s that word again!) I knew for sure if she was aware of what exactly was happening to Spike, what that rat-bastard Finn had done to him. I feel kinda sorry for her, like she didn’t have a clue what was really going on around her.

Then there’s Willow, the one from the last world that was hooked up with both me and Spike. She helped Spike, healed him, and we just blew out of there and never looked back. To quote Cordy “rude much?”, and Spike, shit the guy had been through hell as well and we never tried to do a damn thing to help him, maybe get him the ring from Angel or something. But we didn’t.

Now, now we’re in some fucked up place where I’m a vampire, Dru is my sire, and I run the hellmouth. Hmm, and no one ever thought I’d amount to anything. The only good thing is that Angelus is dust. The Spike of this world took off after he and my vampself dusted Angelus, and Dru choose me over him. She must have still been under the effects of the spell, ’cause otherwise why the hell would she do that?

The gang is all dead here, all of them. From what I understand, the spell that Amy cast lasted a lot longer in this dimension. After Dru vamped me, I used it to get to Willow and Buffy. I killed them, no turning, just death. I killed Jenny, Joyce, Cordy, and the Cordettes, and finally, Amy. Once Amy died, the spell wore off. By that time, Giles was easy pickings; he came after me - vamp me - but Dru did some freaky mind shit to him and then my vampire self snapped his neck.

Vamp-me took great pleasure in telling me all the gory details. I’ll spare you those, but I now know without a doubt that I am not a nice demon. None of the girls died virgins. Vampire Xander is a sadistic, cruel bastard and I hope to hell we get out of here without having to see him again. Plus I think it’s giving Spike ideas.

Spike, another topic worth scrutinizing. What the hell are we doing together? I mean yeah, there’s the sex and that’s not a bad thing, but I don’t know where this is going, or even if it’s going anywhere. I think I’m in love with him. No, I’m pretty sure I know I am. It’s his feelings I’m not sure about.

I wanted to talk to him last night but two minions burst in here and there was confusion and babbling and then we went into town, met with My vampire self and his looney-tunes sire. When we got home - and since this is where we live essentially, I’ll call it home - Spike didn’t look like he was in any mood to talk so I went to shower.

I was barely wet when he joined me, I don’t know what set him off, but something was bothering him. He plastered himself to my back and began kissing my throat; it was very nice but not enough to distract me from the slight shaking I could feel. I didn’t comment on it, just pretended I hadn’t noticed. We washed each other, again it was very nice getting to touch him, have him touch me… but I’m getting off topic again.

After the shower, Spike carried me out to the bed and did very nice things to me. I won’t go into detail, (sorry but since I don’t know who might read this, I just won’t) but needless to say, we needed to shower again when he was finished. After the second shower, we finally talked.

I asked Spike what was bothering him, told him that whatever it was he could tell me, I’d understand. He looked at me with such… hope I guess is the word I’m looking for, but it hardly does justice to the emotion I saw in his eyes. He told me, haltingly and with much growling, raging, cursing and crying, what Riley had done to him. Lets just say, if I had known this when I was still there, Buffy would have been finding pieces of him all over Sunnydale.

After that confession, I just held him for awhile. Then he told me that he was afraid to be intimate with me that way, of course he didn’t quite say it so nicely, but what I wrote sounds so much better than “I don’t think I’m ready to bend over for ya yet“. That was why he told me that morning he wasn’t ready. Because he wasn’t - still isn’t - ready for that.

It was the blood he’d gotten from Willy that pushed him past his reluctance. He explained to me that after surviving this long on stale animal blood, fresh warm human blood acted like an aphrodisiac, making him horny as hell. I admit I was a bit insulted at first, but then he told me that if all he were after was a shag, there had been several whores in the bar he could have had easily. He just saw me standing in the sunlight and he said he had to have me, “sod the consequences“. So, now that I understand why he wasn’t ready, and why he still doesn’t want to risk me topping him, we can hopefully see where this thing between us is going.

My only fear is that he’s with me because I saved him, because he sees me as some kind of… I don’t know, superhero sounds so lame but I can’t come up with anything better. I mean, if it were Deadboy that saved him instead of me, would he be sleeping with him now? I know it’s not fair, I shouldn’t question it but I’ve always sort of been the convenient one, I don’t want that again, not this time.

Cordy used me cause I was easy to manipulate; I did anything she said, as far as keeping our relationship a secret so she didn’t look bad to her friends. Willow and the whole fluke thing in high school, well hell, that could have been a spell for all I know. Revenge for dating Cordy and not her. ’cause look how well that turned out, Oz forgave her, everyone forgave her. Cordy hated me after that, Oz was never the same with me, Buffy and Giles both blamed me as well.

We won’t go into Faith. Period.

Then there was Anya. Newly human and in desperate need of friendship and guidance. Not that I minded so much, but she seemed to know that I was just a big fluffy puppy who wouldn’t hurt anyone. So she glommed onto me and I sucked up the attention like a sponge. I knew, deep down that I was just a convenience, that’s why I called off the wedding at the last minute. She had only dated one guy her entire human lifetime, how did she know I was really the one? I wasn’t sure, so how could she be?

I want more this time. I don’t want to be convenient, or easy, or safe. I want to be loved damn it! I want to be wanted for me, for just being Xander Harris. Is that too much to ask? Am I expecting too much from an emotionally crippled vampire? Probably, but I can’t help it. I want this to be real, for both of us.

Part 34

So, here I am, William the Bloody with a soddin’ journal. Well, I ain’t gonna write in it like some bloody chit. So I’ll just make like I’m writing this ’cause I plan on letting you read it at some point, okay, love?

Xander, I don’t know what possessed you to help me, but I am deeply grateful to you. You will never know how close to the end I was, how easily I could have given up hope on ever having a better life. You saved me. Poncy as it sounds, I owe you my unlife.

I can’t tell you all the things that I’ve been through; reliving them just isn’t in the cards for me right now. Might just send me right around the bend to think of some of it. The lesser extent of the damage, you already know. I was raped, beaten, tortured, mutilated. I’ve had things inside me that no vampire should ever have inside them, crosses, holy water, stakes, UV lights.

You’re probably wondering right now what’s going on between us, wish I could tell you. Truth is I don’t know. I know I want you, I need you - so bloody much I’m afraid of what will happen when you realize how pathetic I am and decide you’re better off without me. I know that I don’t deserve you, but I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you with me as long as I can.

Since this is my book, and I don’t have to let you read this unless I want to, I can admit to myself in here that I love you. Don’t know when it happened exactly, but I do. Won’t tell you though, too scared of running you off.

You’ve given me back my life, my freedom. You gave me safety, security, loyalty and friendship. You gave me the sun, Xander; words can’t express what that means to me, hopefully someday I’ll be able to show you. You make me whole; with you I want to write bloody poetry and read it to you in bed. I used to be a poet, back before I was changed. You bring out the man in me, Xander. That’s a good thing.

When I made love to you - and that is what I did - it was because I wanted to, wanted you. I hope you know that it wasn’t just sex, that I wasn’t using you. I wouldn’t, not you - not ever. I’m not ready to let you take me, but it’s not because I don’t want you, it’s just that I’m afraid. Yeah, that’s right. The Big Bad is afraid. They hurt me, love. They hurt me so badly I don’t know if I’ll ever recover. I hope you can understand that, and that you’ll be patient.

Meeting you as a vampire has been an enlightening experience - you make a bloody gorgeous demon, love. A part of me wants to turn you so badly it makes my teeth itch. My demon screams out for you. Not because I want to kill you, because I want to claim you, keep you forever. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you now. I need you so bloody much it scares me. The rest of me though, well, the rest of me wants you forever as well, but as you are, warm and human and so bloody perfect. I love dipping into your body, feeling all that heat surrounding me, holding me tight. Bloody amazing. Don’t want to give that up any time soon, or at all.

I know you’re eager to get home, to get back to your mates and all, but I hope we don’t get there too soon. I don’t want to share you just yet; I’m selfish that way. I like having you all to myself, holding you close, watching you sleep. I’m afraid I’ll lose you when we get to your world. To your friends, your life, your Spike. He must realize what a fine man you are, even if he doesn’t say anything. I’m jealous of myself, bloody ironic, innit?

You gave me so much, my life, my freedom, your trust, your… innocence. You give and give, Xander. And I take and take. What the hell do you get out of this? I’m no prize, pet. I know that. Wasn’t when I was human, nor after I was turned - Angelus wanted to stake me so many times it wasn’t funny, even worse now. I can’t even be a proper vampire, can’t protect you from other humans.

Worthless. That’s what I am. I won’t tell you that though, figure it out on your own sooner or later. Me, I’m hoping for later. I want to have as much time with you as I can before it all gets blown to shit. Don’t know what I’ll do then, just wait for the dawn I suppose; ring comes off, after all.

Part 35

Xander would have laughed at the look on the woman’s face when she woke up to find two men in her bed - one of them naked, a motorcycle in front of the dresser, a decent sized pile of bills on the bed and a pile of clothes and a duffel bag on the floor. He would have laughed, except for the very large man who was lying next to her still asleep.

Spike was up off of Xander and getting dressed faster than Xander could blink. He had to give the guy credit for putting his vamp speed to good use. Xander leapt off the bed and held up his hands in platitude. The last thing he needed was for her to start screaming and wake up the big guy.

“Hey, sorry. Must have been some kind of mix up. We’ll just be going now, no need to wake up your husband or boyfriend, whatever. Just… here,” Xander scooped up the cash on the bed and held out a handful of it to her.

“Take this and we’ll call it even okay?”

All of this was said in a quiet, somewhat calm voice. Xander really didn’t want to get the shit kicked out of him for: a) being in bed with the guy’s wife, or b) being in bed with the guy’s wife and having a naked man on top of him, or c) trying to defend said naked man from the big guy currently drooling on his pillow.

Spike, meanwhile, had quickly stuffed everything into their bags and his coat and was trying to quietly push the motorbike out the hotel room door. Xander dropped the money on the bed beside the still-shocked woman and fled the room behind Spike.

Once they were outside and away from the threat of violence, Xander slid down to the ground and began to shake. Spike looked down at him, concerned for his emotional state after what had to be very traumatizing for him.

“Hey, you alright, luv?”

Xander looked up at Spike, tears streaming down his face and burst out laughing. Spike took a step back and watched with trepidation. He wasn’t sure what exactly was wrong with his pet, but he was going to fix it.

“Xander?”

“Oh God, Spike! Her face! Did you see her face?!”

Xander continued to laugh and Spike couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t exactly been paying that much attention at the time; he was more concerned about getting the hell out of there before the mountain of a man sleeping next to her woke up and twigged to the situation. In retrospect, he had to agree that it was pretty fucking funny.

“Yeah, but yours was better.”

Spike snickered as he remembered Xander holding a wad of bills out in front of him like a shield.

“Giving her money, luv? She probably thinks we’re a couple of kinky buggers who like to have someone watch.”

Spike laughed even harder as the implications of what he’d just said leaked into Xander’s head. They both sat, back up against a brick wall two buildings over from the hotel and laughed until their sides hurt.

“You know, we still need to get you some clothes. Wanna go to Wal-Mart?”

“Why in hell would I want to go there? I may be an evil demon, luv, but even I don’t deserve to be dragged through Wal-Mart.”

Xander chuckled and stood up, he reached his hand down for Spike and pulled him to his feet.

“Come on, if you’re a good little vampire, I’ll let you push the cart.”

Xander smiled at Spike and got a kiss in return.

“You’re barmy, pet. I’m not pushing the soddin’ cart.”

Xander laughed and climbed on the bike behind Spike and they raced off toward the Sunnydale Mall. Also known as Wal-Mart hell. Spike shook his head as he realized he must be in love; he was willingly going to Wal-Mart.

Inside the store, Spike looked around in terror. This was bad; there were housewives everywhere, little kids in strollers, babies crying… old people in blue smocks grinning at him and trying to give him a cart. Spike sighed in relief when Xander took a cart and put one arm over his shoulders and steered him toward the men’s department.

Since it was the middle of the day, it was relatively empty. Xander picked out some faded blue jeans for Spike and some white t-shirts. The former blond pouted prettily and Xander traded the white shirts for grey. Two light blue button-down shirts later and they were off to footwear.

After much grumbling and cursing and bribes of future sex acts, Xander persuaded Spike to get some normal running shoes and give up the Docs for awhile. They picked out a decent looking pair of runners, and then Spike pointed towards the electronics department.

“Can we get a walkman? Maybe some CD’s?”

“Sure, come on.”

Xander left Spike looking through the music section while he picked up a CD walkman and some batteries. He turned around to go back to Spike when he ran into himself, and… Spike. Not his Spike, a blond Spike.

“Holy hellmouth Batman! Spike, do you see that? It’s me! How? Oh God! Is he a vamp? Tell me he’s not a vamp?”

“He’s not a vamp.”

“I’m not a vamp.”

Both Spike and Xander answered simultaneously. Xander sighed in frustration and ran his fingers back through his hair. He looked over to where Spike - his Spike, was rifling through the CD’s.

“Look, it’s a long story. Let me get Spike and then we’ll all go sit down and talk. Okay?”

Xander didn’t wait for an answer; he just headed back to the music section and collected his vampire. He leaned in and whispered to Spike about the current situation and stifled a laugh when his lover complained about having his double see his ‘poncy’ hair color.

The other Xander took one look at Spike with brown hair, no gel, and burst out laughing. Spike - blond Spike - scowled, as did the other one. Xander put his arm around his brunet vampire and gave him a squeeze. He leaned in and whispered in his ear that he thought he looked sexy as hell, then he nipped him on the earlobe lightly.

The other Xander stopped laughing and watched his double openly display affection to the vampire in his arms. He looked over at his vampiric companion and then looked down at the floor guiltily. He heard Spike snort at him before stomping off in the direction of the food court.

“Lovely, now he’s pissed at me again.”

Xander and Spike looked over at the man who had just spoken. Seemed like things were not all peaches and cream between this world’s Spike and Xander. They looked at each other and then looked at Xander.

“So, where to? I assume you still want answers?”

“Yeah, fangless probably went for…”

Xander trailed off as he saw the brown-haired version of Spike begin to tremble before his double shot him a nasty look and pulled the vampire into his arms. He could hear his twin whispering to him and petting him. He wondered what had set him off.

“Er, hey? Uh, Spike probably went to get onion rings, he likes them for some reason; we should catch up.”

Xander watched as the other him headed off in pursuit of his Spike, never taking his arm off of the vampire’s shoulder. Life in Sunnydale just got stranger and stranger.

Spike sat at the little table munching on onion rings and brooding. Not that he would admit that. Things had been going okay for him and Xander, sure none of the scoobies knew they were a couple, and Xander was always very careful to never show him any affection in public, but alone, they were good together. They had argued some about why Xander wanted to keep them a secret. Spike wasn’t one for hiding his affections, if he was in love - or even serious like, he wanted to flaunt it, show the world.

It was an old argument. One that had been rehashed just last night when they were at home watching TV. Dawn was out with Willow and Tara at the movies and they were laying on the sofa cuddling and watching an old movie. As soon as Xander heard the doorknob turn he leapt off the couch and sat in the chair.

Now, today, they were out picking up work clothes for Xander and a new pair of jeans for him and whom should they run into but themselves. Well, a strikingly similar version of Xander and a Spike with poncy hair. Spike couldn’t help but be angry at the way the other Xander expressed himself so freely with the dark-haired version of himself. Biting his ear in the middle of Wal-Mart for Christ’s sake. His Xander would never do that.

“Speak of the devil.”

Spike muttered to himself as he watched two Xanders and a Spike come toward him. The other human was still showing physical affection to the vampire and scowling at the other version of himself. Spike wondered what his pet had said to piss the other man off. His Xander had a mouth on him, that was for sure.

Xander sat down and shot an apologetic look at Spike. He really didn’t want to get into this again, especially in front of their… guests. He couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal to Spike to go public with their relationship. It would only cause problems.

“So, you want to start with why you’re here or how you got here?”

“Or why your hair looks like that?

Spike couldn’t resist throwing in the barb. His double looked entirely too much like the man he used to be before he was turned. Throw in a pair of wire-rimmed specs and he would pass for William just fine.

“Vengeance demon, curse, dimension-hopping, hoping to get home, needed clothes.”

“And my hair color is none of your soddin’ business. Wanker.”

Xander smiled at his lover and reached under the table to squeeze his thigh. Spike looked smugly at his double and then leaned over and kissed his Xander on the lips. He could hear the other vampire’s subvocal growl. He pulled back from Xander’s lips and smirked at him.

“That was the edited, edited version, pet. Don’t think I’ve ever heard you sum it up better.”

This world’s Xander and Spike exchanged a look before they both sighed and shook their heads.

“Anya?”

Xander had to ask, she was the only vengeance demon he knew. Besides, from the look of things, she had good reason to curse them. One more reason for him to keep his relationship a secret.

“I think so, yeah. I sorta left her at the altar and then well, this.”

“Not to be nosy, but were you two shaggin’ when you were still with her?”

“No. I can honestly say I was not shagging Spike when I was with An. He’s not the reason I walked away.”

Spike studied them both carefully, there was something else going on here; his double wouldn’t even look at his Xander, and he kept sneaking glances at Spike’s mouth.

“So why’d she curse you as well then? If you weren’t buggering the boy when he was hers, why’d she send you along?”

Xander groaned and thumped his head on the table. Tact was something that was lost on Spike. He honestly wondered why he put up with him. Well other than the fact that he was different when it was just the two of them.

“She didn’t. I got picked up along the way.”

“So you’re not even from his world? Did you know the Xander from your reality then?”

“Not well. I kidnapped him once, but he moved to L.A.”

Spike looked at his watch and then sighed. He pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Well, this has been fascinating, truly, but we need to get going.”

He turned and looked at his Xander and then smirked. A truly evil glint in his eye he continued.

“Your wife will be looking for you after all, won’t she?”

Xander pounded his head on the table again. Spike smiled a satisfied smile and began strolling away, whistling a happy tune. He stopped at the edge of the food court and called back over his shoulder.

“Come on, pet, you know she gets in a right tizzy when you don’t come home for lunch. Don’t want to get her batteries in a bunch now do ya?”

Part 36

Xander looked between his double and the smirking blond vampire. He gaped at his vampire and then turned back to Xander.

“Wife? You’re married?”

Spike chuckled from a few feet away and Xander sighed.

“Look, come by Buffy’s house tonight after sunset. We’ll talk then, okay? I need to get Spike into the trunk and head home.”

Xander nodded dumbly and watched as his double walked away, catching up to and then smacking a still-chuckling blond vampire. He turned to look at his Spike and noticed the way he was watching the retreating couple.

“He doesn’t treat him very well.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“They’re together; I can smell them all over each other, but he acts like he hates me - him.”

Xander was shocked. Not because of the him-and-Spike thing going on in this world, but because the him of this reality was married. That was one thing he had sworn he would never do. If he ever got married, he swore he would never cheat, never turn into his father.

“B - but he’s married. He can’t…”

“He is, he does. The nose doesn’t lie, pet. They’re shaggin’, no doubt about it.”

“Well, I guess we’ll find out what’s going on tonight; come on, we weren’t finished shopping. Still need some CD’s after all.”

“Fine, but can we go to a music store? They don’t carry The Pistols at Wal-Mart.”

Xander chuckled and picked up his bags; Spike grabbed the others and followed behind his human. So far, of all the Xanders he’d met, he liked his the most.

The music store wasn’t empty, but it wasn’t over crowded either. Most likely due to the fact that it was a school day and not yet lunch break. With any luck, they could get what they came for and be gone before teenagers overran the place.

Spike grinned as he came up behind Xander with a handful of punk CD’s. He looked over his lover’s shoulder and grimaced at the music he was looking at. Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, N’Sync.

“You’ve got to be bloody kidding me. You don’t actually listen to that crap do you?”

“Oh and I suppose what you have is any better? What do you have, anyway?”

“Pistols, Queen, The Clash, Ramones. You know, music.”

Xander chuckled at Spike and put his apparently crappy CD’s down. He held out his hand and Spike handed over his stack. Xander flipped through them, turning them over and reading the play lists. He shrugged his shoulders and handed them back to Spike.

“Okay, we done here? ’cause I’m starved and I’d like to hit the pizza place before it’s invaded by hungry teenagers.”

“Sure thing. Then I guess we should see about a place to stay. Don’t think the Motor Lodge is a good idea this time.”

Grinning, the two made their way to the register before heading out into the mall so Xander could eat.

The Holiday Inn was more expensive than the Motor Lodge, but Xander figured they could afford at least one night here; maybe tomorrow they could see about going back to the Motor Lodge. Spike parked the bike and they went inside.

After unpacking and bespelling their new purchases, Spike reluctantly shed his dark clothes and pulled on a pair of blue jeans and one of the button down shirts. He wished for once that he had a reflection. He knew he looked like a git, he could tell by the way the other Spike had looked at him. But if it kept his identity concealed, it would be worth it.

“So, we have hours to waste before heading to Buffy’s, what do you want to do?”

Spike leered at Xander and then crawled onto the bed with him.

“I seem to remember someone making all sorts of interesting promises to me if I behaved and bought some sneakers. So, you tell me, pet. What shall we do?”

Xander batted his eyelashes at Spike and put on his best innocent face. He ducked his head slightly and looked at Spike through his thick lashes.

“Um, well you could teach me… stuff? I don’t really know a lot about sex with guys since you’re my first.”

Xander had to suppress a wicked smirk as Spike’s eyes bled from blue to yellow and then back again. Oh yeah, reminding him that he gets to corrupt the innocent young human was a good idea. A very good idea.

Spike stood and looked at Xander as if he were trying to decide what to teach him first. He then smiled, a true smile, and crooked his finger at the young man on the bed.

“Come here, luv.”

Once Xander was standing in front of him, Spike pulled him close and kissed him softly before whispering in his ear.

“Strip.”

Xander swallowed and then took two steps back from the vampire before pulling at his clothes. Spike chuckled and told him to slow down. Once Xander was naked, he looked at Spike and waited for his next command.

“Undress me, slowly, I want to enjoy it.”

Xander started on the buttons of Spike’s shirt. One by one he slowly unfastened them, taking time to caress the smooth silky skin of Spike’s chest as it was slowly revealed. He had to congratulate himself; this had been a good idea on his part.

“Take it off of me.”

Xander slid the shirt down over Spike’s shoulders, letting it slip from his arms to land on the floor. He ran his fingers lightly from Spike’s collarbone down his chest and stomach to stop at the waistband of his jeans. He gave Spike a wicked grin and then dropped to his knees.

Spike watched as Xander lowered himself to his knees and then groaned as his boy rubbed his face against his crotch before tugging the top button of his jeans open with his teeth. He hadn’t expected Xander to be so inventive, not this early on in their relationship. He wasn’t about to complain though, not when he could feel the hot breath of his lover ghosting across his skin.

“Yeah, that’s nice, pet. Keep going.”

Xander moved on to the next button and tugged it open as well. He nuzzled his face into the opening of Spike’s jeans and licked at the skin he found there; he felt the wiry hair tickle his chin and pulled back to open the next button.

Another button opened and Xander could see the thick shaft of the vampire’s cock. He licked it and then placed small biting kisses along the exposed side. Spike sucked in a breath and let out a low moan.

“God, pet. Get me out, use your hands.”

Xander made short work of the remaining buttons and pulled the jeans down Spike’s legs. He looked at the hard, leaking cock in front of him and waited to be told what to do next. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Suck me.”

The feel of warm, wet suction nearly did him in. Spike allowed his demon to come forth in a bid for control. He didn’t want to shoot his load so quickly. He was enjoying this, having control, teaching Xander exactly how to pleasure him. Made him feel strong again, like a proper vampire.

“Oh fuck, yeah, pet that’s it, take me in. Suck me Xander, fuck you?re so good.”

Xander bobbed his head up and down the vampire’s shaft; he looked up to see that Spike was in game face and felt his own cock swell to painful proportions. This was the Spike he remembered from home, in control, dominant, and holy fuck; sexy as hell.

Xander moaned piteously as Spike pushed him away from his treat. He tried to get it back but found himself picked up and tossed onto the bed. Spike slithered onto the bed and sat with his back against the headboard. He reached down for the bag on the floor and came back up with a bottle of lube.

“Get yerself ready for me, luv, I want to watch you.”

Xander took the bottle and squirted some of the slick gel onto his fingers and cautiously inserted one finger into himself. He looked up at Spike and blushed at the look of concentration on his face.

“More.”

Xander added another finger and began stretching himself. He felt sort of… dirty touching himself like this, but at the same time it was such a turn-on, knowing that Spike was getting off on this. He waited until he was told before adding a third finger.

Spike watched fascinated as his boy did everything he said. He was sure he would be met with blushes and stammers and embarrassment when he told him to prepare himself. He was pleasantly surprised by Xander’s acquiescence.

“Enough. Come here, luv. I want you to ride me.”

Xander looked up and Spike saw the rush of arousal spread across his features. He helped to settle Xander on his lap and then let him take over. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, Xander lowered himself onto Spike’s cock.

Spike hissed as his erection was slowly encased in burning heat. He dug his fingernails painfully into his palms to keep from grabbing Xander and thrusting up into him. Once Xander’s ass was flush against his thighs, Spike opened yellow eyes and waited for the boy to move.

The first tentative movements made Spike’s eyes roll back in his head. Eventually Xander found a comfortable rhythm and began to ride him with enthusiasm. Once Spike was sure he could control himself, he let his demon face fall away and leaned in to kiss Xander without the threat of fangs.

In this position, Xander was able to angle himself so that his prostate was stroked on every thrust. He knew he wasn’t going to last long, especially once Spike had begun fisting his cock as well. He couldn’t help but speed up until he was fucking himself with abandon on his lover’s thick shaft. He screamed into Spike’s mouth as he shot his cum all over the vampire’s hand and chest. He felt Spike stiffen beneath him as his bowels were loaded with cool fluid.

“Bloody hell, Xander. If that’s what you can do the first time, you’ll be the final death of me once you?ve gotten in some practice.”

Xander just chuckled and melted against his chest. Spike lifted Xander off of him and then carried him into the bathroom. He turned on the faucet in the tub and then lowered them both into the water. A nice hot soak was a perfect finale to an exceptionally good shag.

“Mmm, water feels nice. Thanks Spike.”

“You’re welcome, luv. Rest now, we’ll go see the others once the sun sets.”

Part 37

Standing outside the Summers? house, Xander held Spike to him tightly. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy on his lover, being inside the home of the slayer. He could only hope that in this reality, Riley wasn’t around. He could have kicked himself for not asking beforehand.

“Do you want me to go in first? Check things out?”

“Yes, but I’m not letting you go in there alone. I’ll deal.”

“Say the word and we turn around and leave. We don’t have to do this.”

Spike sighed and burrowed deeper into Xander’s arms. He really did want to leave, but at the same time he was tired of always being afraid. He wanted his life back, and to get it he had to start facing his fears. This place was as good as any to start.

“I’ll let you know if it gets to be too much. Come on, luv. Let’s not keep them waiting; ’sides I want to meet your wife.”

Xander rolled his eyes and watched as Spike removed his ring and shoved it deep into his pants pocket. Xander raised an eyebrow in question.

“I had my hand in my pocket earlier, I don’t think they saw it. Think I’d like to keep it that way. For now at least.”

“Okay, but if things start looking bad, you put it on. No arguments.”

“No arguments.”

Xander went up the steps, Spike beside him, and rang the bell. As he waited for someone to answer the door, he felt nervous; he didn’t know what was going on in this world, but he didn’t like the implications. He was married, apparently, and involved with Spike.

“Oh my God! It’s true! There really are two of you!”

Spike stepped back from the squealing teenager and Xander just smiled. Dawn was still very much Dawn in this world, something Xander was grateful for. He had missed her.

“Hey, Dawnie. Is Xander here? And wow does that ever sound weird.”

Dawn smiled and stepped back from the door. Xander cleared his throat and inclined his head toward Spike.

“He needs an invite.”

“Oh. I just thought, you know, since he’s Spike that he could come in.”

Xander looked at his vampire and got a shrug in response. This was something they hadn’t had to deal with before. Spike reached out and put his hand through the doorway - no barrier.

“See? I was right.”

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at them. Xander could see Spike’s influence on the girl and grinned. It was just like back home. He took Spike’s hand and together they walked into the house. Dawn looked at their joined hands and smiled.

“Xander is still in the shower, but Spike is in the kitchen. I’ll get him.”

Xander pulled his Spike down onto the sofa beside him and they waited for Dawn to come back with Spike. Xander could see that Spike was making an effort not to simply get up and leave. He appreciated it, but he wished his lover had told him that he was this uncomfortable.

“You okay? Wanna leave?”

“M’fine Xan, just a bit unsettled.”

Xander pulled Spike close and kissed him. It was a kiss full of love and reassurance. Spike moaned softly into Xander’s mouth and pulled him closer. This was exactly what he needed. For some reason, Xander’s presence calmed him like nothing else. They broke apart at the sound of a cleared throat followed by a girlish squeal. Xander and Spike both looked up to see a grinning teenager and a slightly amused blond vampire.

“Oh my God! You guys are like so hot together.”

Dawn spun around and slapped the blond Spike on the arm.

“How come you and Xander aren’t together? Look at them, don’t they make a cute couple?”

“I’m not soddin’ cute.”

The brunet Spike grumbled from his position on the couch. Xander had to disagree with that statement, especially at the moment, seeing as Spike was pouting. That full bottom lip pushed out in such a way that it was taking all his considerable willpower to refrain from sucking it into his mouth and biting down on it. His distress must have been obvious, for Spike turned and leered at him before sucking his lip into his own mouth and making Xander groan in frustration.

“You two need to be alone?”

Blond Spike, infuriatingly smug. Or jealous - it was hard to tell, but Xander was pretty sure there was some resentment going on there. Maybe it was just as well that Spike had put his ring away. This Spike didn’t seem overly taken with the idea of them being here.

“Nah, we?re good.”

“Mmm, yes. You were very good, pet.”

Brunet Spike leered at his lover, while surreptitiously watching his blond counterpart out of the corner of his eye. Yep, definitely some resentment there.

“I’ll go see what’s keeping Xander. Bit? You should haul your arse if you’re gonna make that movie with Janice.”

“Yeah, yeah. You guys just wanna get rid of me so you can have ‘grown-up talk’ with these two.”

“Dawn.”

“I’m going! Sheesh, you’d think I was five or something by the way you guys treat me. You’re worse than mom was.”

Spike growled and Dawn headed for the door. She picked up her purse and keys and then left. Spike watched from the doorway until she was safely across the street at Janice’s house. Then he went upstairs to see what was taking Xander so long.

Spike found Xander in the guest room. He watched as he moved around the room, adjusting the curtains and plugging in the battery charger. He waited until Xander flipped the switch on and turned around to leave before speaking.

“Wifey all settled in for the night then? Good. Our doppelgangers are downstairs in the living room. You plan on telling them about us or you wanna play the ‘I just tolerate him for Dawn’s sake’ card here, too?”

Xander turned off the light and sighed as he left the room. He reached out for Spike but the vampire stepped back out of reach. Xander ran his fingers through his hair, stopping to pull on it in his frustration.

“Fuck, Spike! Why do you have to be like this? Isn’t it enough that I want to be with you? Do we have to tell everyone?”

“Yessss!”

Spike hissed out between clenched teeth. He was tired of being a dirty little secret, if they were going to be together, he wanted the boy’s friends to know.

“Bloody hell, Xander. Why are you so friggin? ashamed of me?”

“I’m not! God, can we please not do this right now? We’ll talk later, I promise. After they’ve left, okay?”

Spike wasn’t happy but he nodded his head. He even stayed put this time as Xander came toward him. He promised himself he was not going to kiss back, not this time. He couldn’t help it though, the moment those soft, warm lips touched his, he was lost. He was love’s bitch, might as well act the part.

Xander held Spike in his arms for a brief moment before letting him go. He licked his lips - tasting Spike - and then headed for the stairs. He wasn’t looking forward to this; he honestly didn’t understand why he’d even invited their doubles over tonight. They had done nothing but stir up trouble for him. Xander looked back to see if Spike was following him.

“Shall we get this over then?”

“Yeah, you go in first though, I’ve already interrupted them snoggin’ once. Dawn thinks they make a cute couple.”

Now Xander understood. That was why Spike was in a mood, Dawn knew about their doubles being together and was okay with it. More reason for Spike to push about coming out to their friends.

Part 38

Xander warily entered the front room. He was pleased to find both Spike and his double sitting on the sofa, holding hands but thankfully, not kissing.

“Hey.”

Xander looked up at his double and smiled somewhat ruefully. Sure he was curious about the whole being- married-yet-boinking-Spike aspect of this version of himself, but he was now wondering if he shouldn’t have just blown this off and stayed in the room with Spike - learning things.

“Hey, yourself.”

Spike snorted from behind Xander and strolled into the room. He flopped down in the chair next to the sofa and gave his double a good going-over. He still couldn’t believe that his double looked so poncy. Where was the blond hair? The tight black clothes? The leather and Docs? Bloody hell, he looked pathetic.

“It’s camouflage, ya wanker! Stop looking at me like I’m Angel, fer Chrissakes!”

“I would if ya didn’t look like such a bleedin’ poof!”

Spike had had enough; he stood up and snarled at his double. Blond Spike stood as well. Both Xanders waited, ready to interfere if necessary, but not willing to interrupt just yet.

“Just who the hell do you think you are? Calling me a poof? I happen to know that you and the boy there are shaggin? each other, so isn’t that a bit hypocritical of you, mate?”

“Not what I meant, and you soddin’ well know it! Leave me and Xander out of this; this is about you looking like him.”

Both Xanders exchanged a confused look. Oh they both knew that they were talking about William, they just couldn’t understand why it upset blond Spike so much.

“We are him.”

“No! I’m not! William was a bleedin’ ponce. He was weak and soppy; let everyone walk all over him. I. Am. Not. Him.”

“Yes he was all that. But he was more, he was a good man, he loved, he had friends, family. The only thing he ever wanted was to be loved in return. If that isn’t you, than we are nothing alike.”

It was like watching a car wreck. Spike - blond Spike - seemed to cave in on himself, like everything he had been, was suddenly torn away. He looked at his double’s Xander, standing behind him, one hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner. Then he looked at his Xander - closed off, face like stone, purposely keeping any and all emotion carefully locked away. He knew at that moment that he was William, always had been and always would be.

He wanted what his double had. If it meant changing his hair and dark clothes, he’d do it in an instant. He couldn’t understand how it was that this Xander loved his double so openly and his Xander wouldn’t even touch him in public. It hurt. A lot.

“Maybe we should go. We didn’t come for this, I’m sorry.”

Xander began tugging Spike toward the door. He didn’t care about his questions now. For all he cared, this Xander could boff half of Sunnydale while his wife stayed home and made cookies. He wanted to go back to the hotel and just hold his vampire close. The look of raw pain on the other Spike’s face made him ache in sympathy. His double was a fool.

Before they made it to the door, Spike stopped Xander and whispered in his ear. He reminded him of the spell that Willow had cast on him, and asked if that was a possibility here. He honestly didn’t like seeing himself in such pain, it was obvious - to him at least - that his double was very much in love with the stubborn human.

“Oh God! I never even thought. I’m such an idiot.”

Xander rested his head on Spike’s shoulder as the vampire wrapped him in his arms. He laid a soft kiss to Spike’s neck and then stepped back enough to turn and face his double.

“We need to talk. Alone. Now.”

While the Xanders headed for the kitchen, Spike sat back down on the sofa and watched as his double paced and pulled out a cigarette. He reached for one himself and lit up. He didn’t smoke a lot anymore, not since he’d taken up with Xander; he didn’t want to make his lover sick after all.

“You love him, don’t you?”

Spike stopped pacing and with a sigh he fell onto the couch beside his double.

“That obvious? Pillock doesn’t see it, he thinks this is just good times for both of us.”

“Why are you here then? I mean, he’s a married man.”

Spike snorted. Then he cracked a smile. Then he laughed out loud. He looked at his double’s dumbfounded expression and totally lost it. He had tears streaming down his face by the time he got himself under control.

“Thanks for that, mate. Needed a good laugh, I did. Let me tell you a little story about Xander’s wife.”

In the kitchen, Xander watched his double pace back and forth. He had just told him about Willow and the spell, how he had been happier these last few weeks than he had ever been.

“But why? I mean, why would she do that? She’s my friend. And gay, she’s a lesbian for God’s sake.”

“Was she gay in high school? Or was she in love with you at the time? ’cause my Wills was in love with me in high school; she didn’t like girls until she met Tara.”

Xander sighed. He didn’t want to believe what his double was saying, but he knew that Willow was capable of this, he’d seen what she did to Tara, to all of them with her Tabula Rasa spell.

“How do I break the spell? If I am under a spell, I want it gone.”

“Well, you could ask Willow to remove it. Or you could ask Tara; personally I’d go with Tara. She would understand what you’re going through. I wanted to ask you though, how did you end up with Spike? I never thought about him that way until after the spell was removed.”

Xander sighed. He didn’t understand it either. Some days, he still didn’t feel attracted to Spike that way, but others… it was all he could do to keep his hands to himself when they weren’t alone.

“After Buffy and Anya died, Spike and I spent a lot of time together looking after Dawn. After a particularly rough patrol one night we went back to his place and got wasted; the girls were keeping Dawn at the dorm for the night so we drank ourselves stupid. Woke up the next morning, hung over, sore all over, and naked in bed with Spike. Naked Spike.”

Xander snorted as he remembered what happened next.

“I beat him to a pulp. Accused him of taking advantage of me, damn near staked him.”

“What stopped you?”

“One word - chip. I realized as soon as Spike said it that he was right. He couldn’t have done anything to me without my wanting it. I grabbed my gear and ran out. I threw up outside the crypt, Christ I felt like shit. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. You know, Dad always said I was a fag, and then I beat the shit out of my lover. Living up to the old Harris name.”

“Then what? I mean obviously something happened, or you wouldn’t be together now.”

Xander laughed, it was a pain-filled, self-loathing kind of laugh.

“I got married. After the reception - joke that it was - I found Spike and apologized. He was really good about it, didn’t blame me for anything. Said he probably would have done the same in my place. He forgave me. Then I kissed him. It’s been on and off ever since. Some days I think I love him, but other days, other days I don’t understand why I’m with him. I look at him and I see Spike - vampire, man, possibly friend, but he does nothing for me below the belt, you know?”

Xander nodded. He could understand that. It sounded like the spell was breaking down on its own. Maybe this Willow wasn’t as powerful as his; either that or she was doing this, taking the spell off slowly so no one would notice anything.

“About your wife? Does she know what’s going on?”

“No. It’s not what you think. My marriage is a sham. Hell, my wife isn’t even a real person. She’s a Stepford wife“

“Stepford wife? Explain please.”

Part 39

Hmm. where to start. Well, we’ve been here for three days now. This world has a Spike/Xander couple as well, only they’re a mess. Xander was under the same spell I was, only it was wearing off. Poor Spike, he got the worst of it; Xander couldn’t make up his mind if he wanted him or not.

Tara removed the spell, after that she left. She couldn’t stay in Sunnydale any longer, not knowing that Willow was capable of causing such damage to her best friend. She just couldn’t trust her after that. I feel bad for Tara; she deserves so much more than she has. After that whole memory spell, she really thought Willow had changed.

My double here is married to the Buffybot. I laughed my ass off when I found out. He and Spike have something in common there. Spike shagged her and Xander married her. It’s not nice to make fun, but it’s funny as hell. I mean, he’s married to a robot.

Things seem to be getting better between Xander and Spike; they told Dawn that they were together and she squealed and hugged them both. I think that did a lot for Spike’s fragile ego. He didn’t like being kept a secret, especially from Dawn. So now she knows. The only other person to tell is Willow, but I don’t know that Xander even wants to speak to her right now. She doesn’t know about Tara removing the spell. Xander wasn’t ready to face her on that yet. Can’t say as I blame him. I still don’t know what to say to my Wills.

We’re back at the Motor Lodge; we spent one night at the Holiday Inn but for financial reasons we moved back to the Lodge. Besides, this place feels like home now. Spike has been careful to keep his ring hidden; he doesn’t trust the Spike of this world not to try and take it, so we spend most days inside. Not that I’m complaining, I’m happy to have him to myself.

Turns out Xander talked Willow out of bringing back Buffy. He told Spike what she was planning and blondie told him that they were being stupid. That there was no way that a slayer, especially one as good as Buffy, would be in a hell dimension. Xander believed him and talked Willow out of bringing her back. I told them about Buffy - my Buffy - and they were glad they didn’t do that to theirs.

I’m sorta hoping to leave this place soon. Not that I hate it here or anything, it’s just… well I feel like I’ve done all I can here, helped to get Xander and Spike straightened out, told Tara about what Wills had done, what’s left?

I know it sounds stupid, but I’m starting to feel like there might be a purpose to this journey, I mean look at Spike. I saved him from a fate worse than death, that’s a good enough reason to go through this, but maybe there is more? Or am I just trying to rationalize this ’cause I don’t want to believe that Anya could do something like this to me for no apparent reason?

Part 40

“And that is why we’re here.”

Xander had just finished explaining - for the second time - why he was here in L.A., with two Spikes. Cordy wouldn’t even get Angel until Xander explained it to her and Wesley first. Meanwhile, blond Spike was slowly going out of his mind.

“So Willow is crazy? And here in L.A.?”

“Basically, yeah. She’s let the magic overcome her; she wants Tara back and she won’t stop until she has her. The other me is here somewhere already, but we don’t know where Tara’s cousin lives - that’s where you come in.”

Angel sighed and nodded his head. Having Willow here in L.A. - in this condition - was not good. No doubt Wolfram and Hart would just love to get a hold of someone as powerful as she.

“Cordy, get on the net and see what you can find. Wes, start looking for a spell or something to bind her or drain her powers - something. I’ll go ask around if anyone matching her description has been seen in L.A. Spike… er, blond Spike, you’re with me. Xander? You and… Spike… wait here.”

Angel could be heard muttering about the redemption points he should be earning having two Spikes in his hotel as he walked away. Xander and brunet Spike smiled at each other and than went to see if they could do anything to help.

After being glared at by Cordelia, they decided Wes was a better option and offered to research the books with him. After he got over the initial shock of being offered help by William the Bloody, he was thankful for the assistance.

After about an hour of searching through musty old books, the front door of the hotel burst open and Xander and Tara walked into the lobby. Wesley couldn’t help but be intrigued by the similarities and differences of the two Xanders; other than their clothing and the length of their hair, they looked exactly the same. Cordy just rolled her eyes.

“Great. I suppose Willow the wicked witch will be coming here now. Thanks, Xan, I haven’t been in a life-threatening situation all week. I was beginning to actually feel safe here in L.A. What was I thinking?”

“Where’s Angel?”

“He took Spike out to shake down some informants. The other two of you, are helping Wesley research.”

No sooner did Cordy finish speaking then all hell broke loose. Angel and Spike came back in through the kitchen just as the front doors blew off their hinges and a very pissed off Willow floated through the entryway. Xander grabbed his Spike and they ducked under the table. Wesley began chanting a spell, only to have Willow fling her magic at him and knock him across the room.

“This isn’t looking promising, pet.”

“No kidding.”

Xander heard Cordelia yell ‘Giles! Thank God!’ just before the world began to spin.

When Xander next opened his eyes, he knew that he and Spike had shifted again. Not only was it quiet, but the hotel was dark and empty. He wondered if anyone even lived here in this reality.

“Spike?”

“Yeah, luv?”

“This place is empty.”

Spike cocked his head and listened. He sniffed the air and then looked around. With a frown on his face he stood up and then reached for Xander. After pulling him to his feet he held him still and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“Angel is here, luv. I can sense him. No one else though, no human scents in the building at all. Not fresh ones anyhow.”

“You think he’s Angelus again?”

“Don’t rightly know; don’t care to find out either. Let’s grab our gear and get the hell out of this place, yeah?”

“Okay.”

They were just about to the door when Xander was tackled by a snarling, vamped-out Angel. He barely had time to register the attack before Spike grabbed the other vampire and flung him away. The two vampires stood growling at each other and then Angel’s demon face melted away to reveal a shocked expression.

“William? How… It can’t be. Am I hallucinating?”

Spike let his game face subside as well, but he stood his ground in front of Angel, keeping Xander behind him and out of reach. Xander slowly got to his feet and put his hand on Spike’s shoulder.

“Angel or Angelus?” he whispered into Spike’s ear.

Spike shrugged his shoulders and then repeated the question to his Sire.

“I’m not evil, Will. How is it you? Are you from the past?”

Spike laughed, a short, bitter sound.

“Hardly, mate. But I’m not from your world either. What’s the idea attacking my Xander if you’re not evil?”

Angel stepped back in shock, his eyes widened almost comically.

“Xander?”

Xander peeked over Spike’s shoulder at Angel and gave him a weak smile. He still didn’t trust him not to attack him again.

“Hey, Deadboy.”

“You’re alive! Really alive, not a vampire, not dust. How?”

“Um, long story. Really long story.”

Before anyone could answer, there was an ear-splitting wail from the upper level of the hotel. Angel took off at a run toward it and left Spike and Xander standing slack-jawed in the lobby. They both recognized the sound of the voice - Spike.