Spike’s P.O.V.

“Watcher.”

~He’s lookin’ up at me, waitin’ for me to tell him the world’s about to end. I’d play this up if I had a bit more time…~

“Can I speak with you a moment?”

“Sure… of course. Is everything alright?”

~Yes, I’m gonna take the high road, in favor of time. No, I haven’t lost my edge. Gotta remind ’em sometimes… remind ’em I’m still evil… I’m still the Big Bad. Not right now, though.~

“Yeah… it wasn’t important. Can we talk outside?”

~Not important. Right. Angel rings me, soundin’ like he’s about to cry over a nightmare… a nightmare about me. An’ here I am, set to race off an’ make it all better. Nothin’ important goin’ on here.~

“Certainly. Should we bring Buffy?”

~NO! She’d just prance in, an’ start effin’ the whole thing up.~

“No. This isn’t for the kiddies.”

~Yer damn right it’s not. Don’t look forward to ‘that’ explanation. ‘Uh… Yeah. For years me an’ Angel used to maim, kill an’ fuck. He’s had a bad dream, an’ now I’m off to… I dunno… go fix him up so he can sleep tight again?’~

“Very well, then. Follow me.”

~Follow the Watcher. I’ve played this game before. I let out a sigh – just to show me’self that I’m not soft. Time was I’d’ve made a lovely snack outta the whole lot of ’em. Not now, though… now they’re me… mates?~

~I shut the door behind us, an’ look at his worried expression. Not now. Maybe later – but not now.~

“Rupert…”

~Oh that got him~

“I need to borrow yer car.”

~Three, Two, One… blast-off.~

“To help Angel?”

~What? No blast-off? Why not? I was all set for the tirade. Almost lookin’ forward to it. Never mind that – I’ll jes’ carry on with it. Cause I’m pressed for time. Yeah.~

“Not ‘help’ in the sense of ‘the gates of Hell are about to open, an’ I gotta rush off to help ’im destroy some nefarious wrong-doer.’ More like – well, like ya help an’ old friend through a rough patch.”

~There he goes, off with the specs, he’s cleanin’ ’em… that’s always a sign of irritation.~

“I’ll get the keys and a few supplies. How long will you have it?”

~No. No, no, no, no! You do not trust an evil, soulless demon with your auto. How many times do I have to… wait… he’s givin’ me the car, an’ some supplies… because? He trusts me? Oh. Very nice. Walked into the sunshine, did I Angel? Guess I know what prompted that little trip.~

“Jes’ a couple of days. Ta, mate.”

~Whatever… leave the broodin’ to Batman.~

~I follow him in, gotta let the kiddies know I won’t be around for a bit. I’ll sit here next to Little-bit. So sweet, puts her little head on me shoulder. Gonna be a beauty when she grows up, that one. Gonna be here, make sure nothin’ happens to her. Nobody touches this one, I’ll see to it.~

“Pizza’s here!”

~I think if he jumps up fast enough, those trousers’ll drop round ’is ankles.~

“Ahn, get Spike’s mug out of the microwave, please.”

~Now that’s nice. They cooked me up a bit o’ O-neg. If I ever get this chip out, I won’t eat ’em. It’s settled.~

“Hate to drink an’ run, pets – but I have to take off for a bit.”

~Look at this…they’re all sittin’ around, lookin’ up at me, like they’re sorry I’m goin? Like they ‘want’ me company?~

“Spiiiike… you were supposed to take me to the movies tomorrow…”

~Isn’t she precious?~

“Now, now Niblet. I’m sure Xander an’ Anya will find somethin’ to keep ya occupied with.”

~Gotta keep the lil’ one happy.~

“But jinkies, Fred – there’s a mystery to be solved here!”

~Pop culture reference. How he manages to store this much useless information in his head, an’ barely passed high school, I’ll never know.~

“Chin up, Shaggy. I’ll be back before you turn into a pumpkin.”

~Ha! Figure that one out, ya numbnut.~

“Huh?”

~See.~

“Spike…”

~She’s still not all right – still walkin’ around all tight-lipped, far off stare. Not the Slayer she was. I’ll keep my eye on her, too.~

“Yeah, pet?”

~So what? Shut up, you.~

“Nothing… Uh – have a good trip… when are you coming back?”

~If I didn’t know better, I’d think she’s gonna miss me.~

“I won’t be long. A few days at most.”

~There, there. I said shut up!~

“Good… I mean… never mind.”

~I’ll just smile at her, she seems to like that. Good. She’s smiling back.~

“Spike – you do intend to stay for a slice, right? I went to all the trouble to bring home newt eyes from the Magic Box for your pizza, and…”

~And I’m still grinnin’.~

“ANYA! And can I just thank you now for that wonderful stomach-churning bit of information? We’ve talked about this before… No discussing what Spike eats.”

~Oh… like ‘you’ wouldn’t love to serve yourself up on a little platter for me to have me evil-undead-sexy-ohmygod-you’re-a-vampire-an’-I’ve-got-a-ragin’-hard-on-with-yer-name-plastered-on-it way with ya. No, Alexander Lavelle Harris – you’re not repressin’ anythin’.~

“But he likes them…”

~Yeah… you tell ’im pet.~

~Havoc, anyone? Ooh, Watcher’s back, with his keys, an’ a sack full o’ goodies. What’s in here? Well look at this… a few bags o’ blood, box o’ Weetabix, a chocolate orange an’ a can of… Black spray paint? I hold up the can an’ look at him.~

“Just in case… you know… you… erm… get stuck somewhere… and uhm… yes, well, if you needed to black out the windows… quickly… this would… it would work.”

~I’m smilin’ at him, like a nonce… stop that. I’m sensin’ a disturbin’ trend. Nevermind. I deal with this later. Have to go see Angel.~

~I shake his hand, he nods at me – we’re a right pair, aren’t we? Niblet’s up, givin’ me her brand o’ bear hugs… no stronger than a gnat – but she fancies herself a bear hugger… go on, then… let her have her dreams. Slayer comes round, gives me a quick peck on the cheek as Niblet continues her hug-assault. An’ here’s Anya… holdin’ up a foil wrapped triangle.~

“I put the eyes on before I wrapped it.”

~She whispers in me ear. I like this bird. Come on then, you wicked ex-vengeance demon – give ol’ Spike some tongue… yanno ya want to.~

“Thanks, luv.”

~Oh… that’s not what I was thinking. She knows. She smiles. She wants me. I’m honored… not. She wants everyone. Should rename her ‘Orgasm Girl’. Oh well, another time.~

“Tell the witches I’m sorry I didn’t get to see ’em, an’ I’ll help ’em translate that Gralnikk text when I get back.”

~And I’m off…~

Angel’s P.O.V.

“And just where do you think you’re going Brood-boy?”

~Shit. I thought she left already. Just my luck.~

“Cordelia… I thought you left.”

~Way to throw her off the scent, huh?~

“Uh-huh. Nice to see you,Cordelia. Thanks for sticking around after I woke up in a pool of my own sweat, Cordelia. That’s really nice of you, Cordelia. I realize you could be out with that ultra-hot guy from Starbucks, but you’re here – wasting – your night while I wallow in self-loathing and misery, Cordelia. How nice of you to get dressed up in your Todd Oldham dress and brand new Prada shoes that you got half price, Cordelia.”

~I really hope she ends this babble soon. She’s staring at me, giving me that ‘you thought hell was bad, wait till I get started’ look.~

“Well, Mister? What have you got to say for yourself?”

“Are those new?”

~Aha! Tactical diversion – deflect left.~

“These?”

~She sticks out her leg and shows me her shoe~

“Yeah… Like ’em?”

~There’s that smile. The one that looks like she’s ready to do a toothpaste commercial.~

“Oh, they’re great. They look really… functional.”

~I’m suave when I have to be.~

“Functional? You call Prada functional?!”

~What? What’d I say? That’s a compliment. Functional shoes are important.~

“That’s like saying Harry Winston’s just a jeweler… or… or… Johnny Depp is just an actor. Sheesh, Angel, get out of the Stone Age, or whenever you were raised.”

~I think she looks sufficiently disgusted.~

“I wasn’t raised in the Stone Age.”

~Is this conversation going anywhere?~

“The Bronze Age, whatever.”

~She’s waving her hand dismissively.~

“You had hot and cold running potatoes – the fact is, you’re way last season.”

“Huh?”

~Huh?~

“Nevermind – and you still haven’t answered my question.”

~Okay… I give.~

“What was the question again?”

“God, Angel! What is your childhood trauma? Don’t you ever listen?”

~I listen, I just don’t always understand her.~

“Humor me, Cordy. I’ve had a rough night so far. Just repeat the question.”

~And do it quickly, I need to get moving.~

“Where. Are. You. Going?”

~She’s rolling her eyes and giving me the ‘duh’ look.~

“Oh. I need to leave for awhile. I won’t be gone for long. Probably just a few days.”

~Good enough? Please say it’s good enough. I really don’t want to waste anymore time.~

“Okay, let’s just run down a few of the facts that we know so far, shall we?”

~Maybe I’ll just get a pillow and a blanket now – this is looking like it’s going to take awhile.~

“I show up here, you’re still asleep, you’re in a cold sweat, and yelling out for Willow to come back. Now you’ve got your keys and a duffle bag full of… what? Let me guess… black clothes? Ding. Ding. What do I win?”

~Please shut up. Please?~

“Cordy – really. It’s not a big deal. I’m just meeting an old friend – just a few cities away. I have my cell… and yes it’s charged. If you get a vision, I’ll be back within an hour.”

~PLEAAAAAAAAAASE?~

“Angel… this isn’t gonna be one of those things like when Buffy died, is it? Where you run off to see the Tibetan Monks in Bangladesh, or something?”

~Tibetan Monks in Bangladesh?! What?!~

“All of this over Willow? It’s not Willow you’re going to see, is it? I mean – Buffy and you aren’t together anymore, but it’s really bad form for you to start doing the horizontal mambo with her best friend. And anyway, Willow’s gay… did you know that? I mean – not like she was in the running for Miss America, or anything – but she was doing all right with the guys. Not great. But alright.”

~Tibetan Monks in Bangladesh?~

“Angel… ANGEL! Are you listening to me?”

~No.~

“Yes.”

~Liar. Maybe I could just knock her out. An uppercut, just under her jaw would do it. She’d sleep like a baby Tibetan… never mind.~

“Angel… seriously… I’m just worried about you. I’m your friend, you know. If you need to talk, I’m here. Not that you’ve ever really been Mr. Share Your Feelings guy. Verbose, you are not. But still – I’m here if you need me.”

~Yes… yes… here… if I need you… talk… blah blah blah…~

“Thanks, Cordy. I appreciate it. But not right now, okay? I need to get moving.”

~If we’re not done in five minutes, I vamp out and tell her I’m Angelus. Think she’ll buy it? Doubt it. I’ll probably be picking splinters out of my ass for a week for pulling that stunt.~

“Okay, Angel. I can see you’re in a hurry… so it must be important.”

~DUH! Did I just think ‘duh’… Oh God… I need to get out of here.~

“Call me if you have a vision… and Cordy…”

~She’s scrunching her eyebrows, trying to look intimidating? Imposing? Ohh…Serious.~

“Be careful. If you need me, I’m here within an hour. Understand?”

~Because I care. I do. Shut up. I do. She means well, okay?~

“Yes, yes, yes… now go… have fun… be happy…”

~She’s calling after me~

“BUT NOT TOO HAPPY!”

~Loud enough Cordy? The guy at the liquor store on the corner might not have gotten a clear earful.~

“ANGEL…”

“I HEARD YOU…”

~Fuck, I can’t open the car door fast enough… I’M FREE!~