DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions.  This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it.  Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended.  Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.  Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.  Not to be archived without permission of the author(s).

Chapter One: Jack

Daniel's asleep again, the book he wasn't really reading anyway falling against his chest in slow degrees as his head droops down and left to rest against the deck chair. The sun is dipping low over the ocean, but it's still several hours until dark...so I leave him alone for now....

He's still a long way from recovering his physical injuries. The emotional ones...well...he'll be most...if not all...of his life getting over those. I know better than most that the best anyone can hope for is to learn how to live in the company of those memories...

In a very real way, he's been living with Sha'uri's loss since that long ago day on Abydos when Apophis first took her away. The only difference now is that he knows she's truly gone. Before that he had hope to get him through the tough days, the long nights, the endless waiting. He always had that lingering hope that...someday...she'd be on the other side of the 'gate.

But look what happened when she was....

*I saw her standing there by the tents almost as soon as Daniel did, but I was to busy with her Jaffa to do more than wish him well, yell for Teal'c to cover him and curse the damnable luck...Amaunet's plan... that brought us here. Then Daniel was doing his Dirty Harry impression, taking down one of Amaunet's personal guard; only Teal'c's quick action saved Daniel from the other...When I looked back again, Daniel had reloaded hs gun and was entering the tent with the demon who was once his wife...

By the time we finally beat Amaunet's forces and followed Daniel and Teal'c into the tent, it was all over. Teal'c was kneeling there with a look of pure remorse on his face and Daniel...

Daniel was lying there on his side, facing Amaunet...Sha'uri once again...now and forever in death. We could only watch in horror and regret as Daniel reached out a weak hand to stroke his wife's face, saying "I love you" in a tone I hope never to hear again. Carter wasn't the only one choking up....

Daniel passed out then, thankfully, and we got him home...after dispatching a detail to transport Sha'uri's body back to the SGC...*

I shiver a little in the evening breeze and go inside the little bungalow I rented for us to get a blanket to put over Daniel...Fraiser will have my hide if I let Daniel get sick again; it was hard enough to talk her into this trip in the first place after everything Daniel went through recovering from Amaunet's attack and the gunshot wound and the blood loss and the infection that followed. Daniel needed this...and not just because he came so close to dying on us....

If it hadn't been for his promise to his dying wife, I think he would have given up then...

I just sit here watching him sleep...he still looks like death slightly toasted, pale and gaunt in sleep and when he's awake he barely has the strength to cross the room without tiring.

Then there's his eyes....

His eyes are old....

Daniel's always had this ageless kind of wisdom and a moral strength well beyond his years, but now his eyes are just too full...of the things he's seen and been through, of the loss of his own unique brand of innocence that's gradually settled over him like a pall, of the grief that's becoming an all too familiar part of his life...

Life hasn't been too kind to Daniel and it sure doesn't seem like it's inclined to let up on him any time soon. It's a wonder to me that he can bear up under the weight of it all.

He's too young to be this old...

Daniel stirs a little, but doesn't wake up...I hope it's not another bad dream come to visit. He hates taking those sedatives Doc prescribed, but I've got strict orders to make sure he gets his rest...and I can be a regular bear...or is it hen?...when it comes to making Daniel take care of himself.

I'm hoping this trip will help him gain a little perspective...along with regaining his strength...

He has to finally and truly see that...especially now....he isn't alone in this....

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