DOPPLEGANGER: Part 3Author's Notes: The name Daniel means "God Judges..."
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// "You can punch me out when we get back home. Promise." Ah Jack, like that would have made it all better.. I was so angry at you, Jack. I didn't need to hear those things from you. I was only trying to remember. I was scared. Didn't know why. Wasn't trying to be a pain. Just trying to figure out what was wrong. I didn't mean to be a bother. I never mean to be a bother. Always seem to be one though, huh? Well, looks like I won't have to worry about being a bother much longer... If only the last words that passed between us hadn't been harsh ones. Wish I could take them back. If only my last act hadn't been - to shove you away. Change that too, if I could. Too late now. If you were coming back for me, you'd be here by now. You're not coming. I'm on my own. I'm going to die here. alone. I know why now. It's all starting to come back to me. It's okay; I don't blame you for leaving me behind. It's not your fault. You don't know.. I remember it all now. Those black things - in the gate room. Coming out of nowhere. All of a sudden they were just - there. A bunch of faceless, black figures that looked like store mannequins except I've never in my life seen a store mannequin that could move around, paralyze me and make me feel so much pain.. One of them grabbed my face. I thought I was going to pass out when it touched me. Thought I was seeing things it hurt so bad because all of a sudden I wasn't looking into my face reflected back at me in the black surface of the thing - I was looking at my face. Literally. I was beside myself. Hey Jack, I made a joke! Jesus. Wasn't laughing then. Come to think of it, not a lot to crack me up here now. It was me. Right down to the nick under my chin where I cut myself shaving this morning. By the time it let me go I was starting to pass out from the pain. Last thing I remember is watching myself go through the Stargate. Then I woke up here. Oh god, whatever happened to 'ignorance is bliss?" Why did I have to remember all that? What good does it do me to remember watching some - thing take my place? Stealing my life. Sealing my fate.. What good does it do to remember that I was - left behind? As far as Jack and the others are concerned, I'm home, safe and sound. They won't be looking for me, because they don't even know I'm lost. There's a wolf in the fold wearing my face, and they don't even know it. I know it, but I can't tell them. Can't warn them that they're in danger. From - me.. Are they safe? What's going on? What does it want? Why is it there? What does it intend to do? God, I wish I knew. Wish there was something I could do. I've tried everything. Struggling, calling out to the mannequins to let me go until I lost my voice, struggling some more. Pointless. All pointless. Struggling is pointless. Can't break free from this table, trying to communicate with these things is a waste of time. I'm just a thing to them. Something for them to do whatever they please to whenever they please. For as long as they feel like it. Powerless. Completely powerless. Can't free myself. Can't warn my friends. Can't do anything. Can't move. Can't escape. Can't even wipe my eyes. Shit. Stop it. This isn't helping. Have to think. Have to get out of this. Too much at stake to give up. Don't even know how much time I have before they - finish it. Just don't hurt my friends. please. //
"Teal'c, I need you to help me understand why I don't hate you." The Jaffa raised his head and looked across at the man who was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him. The soft, flickering candlelight played across his features, softening them, adding a strange, otherworldly dimension to an expression that was already, troubling. " I do not understand what you wish to know, DanielJackson." "We are friends, are we not, Teal'c?" The blue eyes bored into him, seeking - something. For just an instant they were the eyes of a stranger. "We are." "That should not be." "Perhaps, it would not be possible. With a lesser soul. You are a very unique man, DanielJackson. To be able to forgive as you have done is not common." The man before him nodded thoughtfully. "Forgiveness. Yes. That is what I wish to understand. It is a difficult concept. So highly thought of, and yet so seldom embraced or embodied. More of an ideal than an actual practice." "Not in you." "So it would seem." DanielJackson suddenly tilted his head slightly as a warm smile spread across his face. 'I do forgive you, have forgiven you. A long time ago. You were the man who offered my wife up to the thing that stole her from me, and yet, I forgave you. I forgave you. I've never told you why, have I Teal'c?" The eyes upon him held him and terrified him. The Jaffa who had been the First Prime of Apophis, who had faced without flinching countless dangers on a hundred different worlds and dared to oppose the System Lords themselves suddenly felt a fear he had never known. He would have given anything to be able to look away. But he could not. He had no choice but to accept the regard of the man before him, and listen to his words. "I had no choice, Teal'c." Daniel's smile was the brightest light in the room. "I tried to hate you. I needed to hate someone for taking Sha'uri from me and you were there. You would have thought hating you would have been a very easy thing to do. "But I couldn't. I saw what you were. You didn't deserve it. It wasn't possible to hate someone as honest and honourable as you are. Doing that would have been as much an insult to Sha'uri as it was to you." "I do not deserve these words from you. You do not know - what I have done." "Teal'c you are the most honourable man that I have ever met. The honesty, courage and valour that you embody didn't come out of nowhere. Those qualities were always there within you, and they expressed themselves constantly in everything you did by virtue of the fact that they were a part of you. They were there even when you were forced by circumstances to perform acts that shamed you. "When I defended you in the Cor-Ai I meant everything I said. Those weren't just cleverly constructed arguments, spoken merely in an attempt to influence the decision. They were the truth. "Don't you see - the true measure of anything that is done lies in the intention behind it. What is in the heart determines what is good or evil, not what the hand performs, even in service of another. Your heart was pure. There was no true will to harm within it even as you were forced to commit harmful acts. There were even times, by your own admission, that you placed yourself in danger trying to mitigate the evil acts you were forced to carry out at the behest of the man who controlled your fate. When your heart demanded that you resist in the small ways that made a difference. Hanno's father was one of those ways in which good came of harm. Because of the choice you made. To do - good! "How could I hate a man who was so strongly principled? So obviously noble, brave and caring? How could I not want such a man for a friend? And what can I give him now, except my thanks for being my friend." Teal'c looked down at the hands that were folded in his lap. Hands that had hurt. Hands that had killed. Hands that were soaked in the blood of countless innocents. This was the first time he had looked at those hands - and been unable to see it. As if he was able to read his thought, DanielJackson's soft voice reached out to him again. "Forgiveness is not an easy thing, is it my friend? Especially when the one it requires you to forgive is - yourself." "I would be no less brave in this than the one who has shown me the way." He was puzzled to see DanielJackson suddenly close his eyes as if he was in pain. "Oh Teal'c you have no idea what you are saying," he murmured softly. "I am not at all what you think I am. I only wish I really was the man you value." DanielJackson opened his eyes and looked at him searchingly, with deep sorrow and regret in his expression. "Good bye, my friend. I pray you will remember me with kindness, and forgive me for what I have been a part of." He sprang to his feet and fled from the room. Teal'c watched him depart, perplexed and suddenly afraid. Something was very wrong. It was imperative he speak to O'Neill immediately.
// A small space of peace. Pain gone. For now. How long have I been here? Feels like forever.. Tired.head hurts...getting hard to think. Can't struggle anymore. Too tired. Pointless anyway. No way to move. Can hardly even turn my head anymore. Getting hard to see. Notscarednotscared. Funny, Daniel. Who are you kidding.. Hope everyone is okay. wish I knew.. Would make it easier. [Baseline file of physical data completed. Phase two of encoding program initiating. Beginning activation, absorption and encoding of memory engrams]
Oh what was that...Light! Ahhh! What? Head! Splitting godnotagain.. Where. those sounds, those voices hot. It's so hot. So loud, confusing. People all around I'm up so high. What. Moving but not walking. Holding onto something soft - my hands! So small.. Hair. Dark hair.. My hands in his hair. Ohhh - this is Cairo. Walking through the market. Riding on Daddy's shoulders. Up high, so I can see everything. I remember this...practically the first thing I remember. So many people so much noise I'm a little scared but I'm a big boy that's what they tell me so I try but Oh! Strange man scary face comes to close to me try not to be scared don't mean to cry. "Honestly! You're scaring him! He's just a baby. Give him to me! Come here, Danny come to Mommy." I'm so small and she's so big she hugs me and all the scary noises go away. Safe. Mommy has me now.not scared any more. No more bad things. Mommy won't let anything bad happen to me Mommy makes it all better.. Ahhhhh! Wrenching. something taken.hurts. where was I somewhere -safe- can't remember.. Wait I know this place. Abydos. The caves, we're in the cave. the people.know them. Not well. There's Jack. Kawalsky. Ferretti? The boys are laughing at me. Nabeh has just told me something startling. I have to find Sha'uri. It's something to do with Sha'uri. Have barely even met her. Can you really love someone after only a few hours? I don't know, but whatever this is - it is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I only wish it hadn't happened now - not when we don't even know if any of us are going to be alive in the morning. Sha'uri is looking down at the grain she is grinding. She looks so ashamed. "Don't be angry. I didn't tell them that you did not want me." Not want you? Oh, if only you knew. I didn't turn you away because I didn't want you. I didn't want - to make you do something against your will. Not want you? It's taken everything I've had - not to touch you. I see it in her eyes. She wants me, I want her stupid not to - kiss. so sweet, sweeter than I dreamed nothing matters anymore but this - Loss, emptiness - something taken what's happening where. Dark. Hard to breathe, side - on fire - pain, nothing but pain slipping.so black. Arms holding tight. So tight not falling now hear the voice from far away, pulling me back "Hold on Danny, help's coming," Jack. Jack's got me. He won't let anything bad happen to me. It's going to be all right. Jack says so. Someone else somewhere - used to - can't remember.. something gone. Jack - Jack where are you what's happening why can't I remember. God, they're stealing my soul... //
"Uh Daniel, we've both had a bit too much to drink, maybe we should call it a night." "No Jack, please listen to me. I have to tell you something and we don't have a lot of time." Whoa. Someone had changed the channel when he wasn't looking. Daniel had switched into big- time-heavy meaning-of life-stuff. The kind of conversation that usually made his head hurt. Ah geez, he wasn't in the mood for one of these right now. The night had already been weird enough as it was. Jack groaned softly and sat back down on the couch, hoping he could make one last-ditch attempt at heading Daniel off at the pass. Before he even got a chance to open his mouth Daniel nailed him right between the eyes with a look he had absolutely no defense against. The one where Daniel's soul just sorta started spilling out of his eyes and made you want to go out and kill things hoping it would make him feel better. Anything just so he would stop - looking like that. // Just SHOOT me, Daniel, and get it over with. // Daniel flashed him a tight smile that did not touch his eyes and hunched forward, staring at the hands that dangled between his knees. "I'll try and keep this brief. We don't have a lot of time. I've already been so selfish. Squandered so much of the little time he has left. I only wanted - these few short hours. Just a little bit of time with you. Before I gave this life - back to him." Jack now felt so confused if he was standing on his head things wouldn't be any less bizarre. "Daniel - what the HELL are you talking about?" Daniel's head shot around. Jack was shocked to see that his eyes were filled with pain, and tears were rolling down his cheeks. "Shit, Danny, what the hell is going on?" "Jack!" he blurted out between clenched teeth. "Just SHUT UP and hear me out. Please. Just - hear me out. Oh god, you have no idea how hard it is to talk to you. Between your fear and his." His head fell forward; his slumped shoulders started to shake. Jack just sat there, staring at him, frankly too weirded out to say or do anything. He had fallen several paces behind the situation a long time ago, and didn't look as if he was going to be coming up to speed any time soon. After several, long, silent seconds Daniel's head suddenly snapped up. He sniffed, took a huge breath and said, in a rapid, clipped voice, "Okayokayokay. I'm fine. I can do this. I can do this." Daniel gasped a shaky laugh. "Oh, this is so hard. There is so much fear in him. It's hard to tell what he wants you to know. It was so clear with the others, but you." Suddenly Daniel was calm. Whatever he was trying to get to, he had it. Jack could tell by the fond look in his eyes. "You're both a pair of damned fools. You know that, don't you. Lashing out at each other all the time as if the simple act of admitting you care about each other was some sort of - crime. There's nothing to fear here, Jack. You matter to him. All he's ever tried to do is give a damn. "Don't throw it away, Jack O'Neill. He's the truest soul you'll ever know. He'd follow you through the fires of hell and back again, if you asked him. Just BECAUSE you asked him. Don't throw it away. You never know. Believe me, you just never know how quickly things change. I'm sitting here trying to tell you this, and it might already be too late. He's lucky to have found a friend like you. He understands this a little better than you do, but not by much. All I know is that if this life was really mine to live - I wouldn't be afraid. I wouldn't let anything stop me. Not even you." Daniel finally fell silent. He stared straight ahead, his eyes impossibly bleak. Jack waited. Just making sure he really was finished. "Ah - Daniel? Done? Can I say something now?" Daniel nodded. "What's with the pronouns? Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? Like you are talking about someone else?" Daniel turned to look at him once more. He couldn't have had a more mask-like look on his face if he tried. Jack could feel his skin starting to crawl, as part of him knew what was coming before Daniel said it. Had known for a long time actually. "I am talking about someone else, Jack. I'm talking about your friend. Daniel Jackson. I may look like him, but I am not Daniel. Right now your friend is still on P3C-354 and he doesn't have a lot of time left. And just so I don't have to waste any more of it trying to convince you that I am telling the truth." Daniel smiled ruefully and flashed his eyes at him. Literally. Twin red spots flared in the pupils of Daniel's eyes, swiftly expanding outward until they completely filled his eye sockets with a soft, mechanical red glow. As quickly as the light had appeared, it winked out again. Like a switch turning off and on. Once again normal blue eyes looked at him as what definitely wasn't Daniel said to him in a slightly apologetic tone, "See?"
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