DOPPLEGANGER: Part 6
DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
Daniel sat silently, the tin cup he was holding imparting a faint warming sensation to his chilled hands. It was very dark, cold and quiet up here. Very cold. Even the fire wasn't helping much. But it was also - very far from everything familiar. Which was exactly where Jack needed to be at the moment. Very, very far away from all of it. Daniel took a sip of his rapidly cooling coffee and looked at the man who was sitting a few feet away from him. Not moving. Not speaking. Just sitting. Staring. Pretty much all he had been doing ever since they had come back. One unexpected benefit had come of all of this. Namely the new understanding Daniel had arrived at with General Hammond. They hadn't exactly started out on the best of terms and at least from Daniel's side of the table, things hadn't gotten much better. It wasn't due to anything specific the General had ever said or done. Daniel simply never really felt as if the man - approved of him. Just a feeling he got. Maybe he was being unfairly paranoid, but as a rule, George made him nervous. Certainly the reception that awaited them when they returned through the gate had been less than - cordial. The General had been furious, Jack had been ominously silent, he had been confused and almost out on his feet. He'd had no idea where they'd been, how they'd gotten there - what they were doing there. His head was splitting and all the information in it was whirling around like his brain was a blender. By the time Jack got him to the infirmary he was pretty much out of it, and apparently had slept for the next twelve hours straight. When he woke up he found Jack sitting by his side. In pretty much the same condition he was right now. Which really hadn't surprised Daniel all that much, because while he had been sleeping, things had - sorted themselves out. His slumber had been possessed by a series of extremely vivid dreams during which he relived, in great detail, what had happened to him from the moment he had come into being as an exact duplicate of Daniel Jackson until the moment he had - died. His brother's gift of life to him had included memories of a span of time he had never actually lived to replace the nightmare he'd really experienced. He had been spared all those terrible memories, which now resided in the machine along with everything else that had been stolen from him. Daniel found himself profoundly grateful he could remember nothing of the lost day as HE had lived it. To recall it from the perspective of knowing about it - was bad enough. Mind you, he had been given a LOT more than memories. There had been all that KNOWLEDGE as well. Everything his brother had known about that computer complex, everything he knew as a result of being what he was - for awhile it had been in there and he had been able to recall all of it. But it seemed to be fading now, probably because the human mind just wasn't designed to be able to consciously process such an overwhelming glut of information not gained through direct experiential familiarity. Or maybe it was just too much for the mind to hold on to, so it let it go. Whichever it was, because of this experience Daniel found he had a new empathy for a couple of his teammates. If what Jack had gone through when he'd had the knowledge of the Ancients downloaded into his brain had been anything like what had been in his own head - Jack had done very, very well. And if this is what it felt like to have to live with another's thoughts, feelings and memories co-existing with your own, he had some idea now of what having Jolinar's memories in her head was like for Samantha. Ah - Sam. Which reminded him of something else. Something he was going to have to attend to rather soon. As talented as Willis was with her lips, he really was going to have to set her straight.. What an amazing man he had been, this brief brother. So much like him and yet - so not. How he had cherished the life he had so briefly tasted, each bittersweet drop so savored and embraced. How humanly he had desired to live it and dared to enjoy it, even knowing the cost of each sweet second of it was another's pain. He had taken as much as he dared. He knew it was wrong. He had done so, hoping the one he had wronged would not think too harshly of him because of it. Would forgive him in light of the fact that he had done the right thing - in the end. He had been right. Daniel found he did not begrudge him his day. He was grateful to him for returning his life. He was grateful to him to him for what he had tried to do for Jack, in the way he had died. And as he really had no memory at all of all the other stuff, well. However, when he had awakened and seen Jack, just sitting there staring, seen the worried faces of Janet, the General and Sam and Teal'c, he knew exactly what was wrong. All he had to do was remember the look on Jack's face as he had turned away from his brother for the last time. When Jack saw he was awake he turned to Janet and spoke one sentence. "I want to go to sleep." They had helped Jack into a bed, and he had promptly done just that. At which point Daniel had climbed out of the bed he had been occupying and told the General he was ready to tell him everything. Which he had. Very slowly, very carefully, at great length and great personal cost. They sat in George's office, Daniel had just - talked, and he watched the General's face get graver and graver with each word. Daniel wasn't sure when it happened, but somehow during that confession an understanding developed between them. Daniel had desperately wanted the whole thing to be treated a certain way, and was not at all certain how to try and ask this of the General. He was quite surprised when the General said to him - "Dr Jackson, would I be wrong in assuming you would not be adverse to the notion of keeping most of this - off the record?" Oh no, George, you wouldn't be wrong about that - at all! So they had both agreed - to come up with another story. And to keep the real one to themselves. Would have been almost fun. Colluding with the General. Except for the fact that someone else who knew the truth was still suffering. Seeing the first bit going so well Daniel decided to grab the bull by the horns and ask George for the other thing he wanted. This asking for stuff really wasn't all that hard. Certainly made it a lot easier to get what you wanted. Would have to try doing it a bit more often.. George had conceded that it did seem to be a good idea, but had talked with the doctors first before giving him the green light. Approval given Daniel loaded Jack's truck up with gear, packed up Jack and headed for the middle of nowhere. Which was pretty much where they were at the moment. In more ways than one. Jack had submitted to the whole process with indifferent cooperation. Not a word during the drive. No comment when they stopped. Not a sound while he watched Daniel pitch the tent and gather wood for the fire. Hadn't eaten anything either. That was usually HIS favorite trick. Daniel put the cup down and drew the sleeping bag he had wrapped around himself a little tighter. Getting very cold. Jack must be freezing, sitting there in that thin jacket. Good excuse as any to try and close the gap. Daniel got to his feet and crossed over to Jack. Jack actually turned and looked at him as he approached, 'mantle' trailing behind him. That was encouraging. Hidden by his covering, Daniel covertly patted his side pocket. Secret weapon. Just in case. Daniel sank down close to Jack's side, settling his arm around his shoulders, drawing him into the warm shelter of the sleeping bag. Jack's only acknowledgement of his presence was an almost absent placement of his hand upon the hand on his shoulder. It was a start. Daniel just sat there with him, for a long time. Not saying anything. Not moving. Just being there. It was hard to tell exactly when it started happening, but Jack gradually started to thaw. Melting, molding into the man beside him. Letting go and letting him hold him up. Almost ready for words. "That offer I made to you on the drive over to the mountain still stands," Daniel began quietly. "Anything you want to know - all you have to do is ask." The man leaning on him trembled slightly. "How do you know about that." his voice was barely a whisper. "Because I'm not gone. I'm here. We're both here." "No. He died. He died alone. He was my friend - he was you and I just - abandoned him. I should have been there - shouldn't have died alone. shouldn't have been left there - alone. left behind like he was.nothing.." "Jack, listen to me," Daniel soothed. "He wasn't alone. He was with me. He was me - is me. He wasn't left behind. He's here. Sitting right beside you. What we walked away from was only a shell. Everything he was that mattered - we brought home with us. "He wanted me to tell you something. To make sure you understood. Everything he did - he did deliberately. Knowing full well what would come of every choice he made. Even the choice to live - knowing it would mean he HAD to die. "He could have brought you to me sooner. Maybe you could have saved me before it had gone too far - before it was necessary for him to have - done what he did. He knew that. Knew the sooner he acted, the better the chance both of us could have made it. "But if he had, there would have been no place for him here after I was saved. I would have come back to my life, and he'd have had to stay behind. Without ever having had a chance to be with the people he - loved. He'd have been alive, but it would have been a life without those things and those people which most gave it meaning for him. "So, he made a choice, Jack. A very deliberate choice. He chose one day of life. One day which he lived to the fullest in the way that made him the happiest. Being with the people he loved. Loved, Jack. Loved enough to want to live one single day for, and enough to be willing to surrender that life for. He did it willingly, without regret, knowing exactly what the price for every moment would be. He died as deliberately as he chose to live, and in doing so, gave all he had lived, been and done in that day - to me. "I don't begrudge him that day, Jack. I don't even mind knowing what happened to me during that time. My body might have suffered some effects from it, but I have no memory of it. Thanks to him, I never even lived it! I know it happened, but that doesn't matter. In its place I have - him. Letting him live those few short hours in my shoes - well, from what I can see, he did a pretty fine job as my proxy. I'm glad he was, for that brief space of time. Because he was - I am richer. And so, my friend, are all of you. "Everything he did, he did for love, Jack. Even sending you away from him at the end. That most of all. Don't dishonour that love with unnecessary and unwanted guilt. He doesn't require it of you. He certainly wouldn't be happy to see you like this. I'm being completely straight with you right now - when you did as he asked you, when you walked away from him in the end, you made him very happy. It was what he wanted most from you. The final gift. You did it. You gave it. You did good." Jack's head had fallen forward, resting on his bent knees. "Is that the truth?" he said in a slightly loud and belligerent voice. "I swear, if you're shitting me about this." Daniel laughed. "You'll what - kill me? It's been tried before. I'm still here. So are you. That's pretty much all that matters, when you get down to it, don't you think. If he was here he'd kick your butt around the block for this and you know it. Come to think of it - he is here. Whaddya say, O'Neill, want your butt kicked?" Jack snorted. "As if! You'd have a better chance of getting Teal'c to wear a dress than being able to kick MY butt, Trench Boy. Daniel nudged him with his knee, playfully but not gently. "My, there's an image to ponder during many a sleepless night. Think you're pretty tough, don't you? Well, I'm pretty tough too. After all, I've had to put up with you for the past two years. Yeah, I'm tough." "Please," Jack groaned. "I've seen you fight." "That may be so, but do you know anyone who can talk their way out of one better than me?" Jack chuckled. "If they held a heavyweight championship fight for rhetoric you'd win hands down." Daniel gave Jack's shoulders a warm squeeze. "So what do you think, my friend, have we postured enough?" Jack nodded and sat back up. "Yeah, I think so." "Good. Well, I feel like celebrating." He reached into his pocket, pulled out two spoons and handed one to Jack. Jack looked at the object in his hand and then at the man sitting beside him. "What's with the spoon?" Barely able to suppress his grin, Daniel withdrew the third object in his pocket. "Care to split a jar of Mayonnaise with me? "No - now wait a minute, Jack. Just let's - ow! Let go! Ow! Geez, watch the neck. Oh - not the hair. Why is it always the hair.. JACK!!! Jack! That's MAYONNAISE! Don't even think about it. JAAAACCCKKK!!!"
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