DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions.  This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it.  Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended.  Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.  Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.  Not to be archived without permission of the author(s).

Chapter 19: Sam

I can't stop wondering what's going on inside Daniel's head...so what else is new?

Now I know I'm very good at what I do (no brag, just fact as Dad used to say), but sometimes Daniel's intuitive brilliance simply amazes me. Look at how quickly he solved the mystery of the Stargate. In less than two weeks, he learned more than the best minds in the military and the private sector had learned in two years. His single-minded dedication to the mystery at hand is one of the many things I like and respect about him.

It occurs to me that in a way this strange behavior is really a manifestation of the same tendency to get lost in a mystery. Except this time the mystery is inside his own mind and all of his energy and focus is in there trying to unearth it.

I can see it even as he sleeps...

I've heard it theorized that dreams are our minds' way of making sense out of the things that happen to us while awake. As I watch Daniel trembling and trying to claw his way ever deeper into the matress, I'm beginning to form a theory of my own.

This all started when he saw Hathor again. Her pointed reference to the events of their first encounter and his strained reply seemed to set all this in motion.

Exactly what happened between them 'behind closed doors' was never really openly discussed. Janet had checked him out and cleared him for duty, but other than the admission that 'a lot of the DNA' in her Goa'uld soup would be his, he claimed not to remember anything from the time he questioned her in the holding cell until her control over him had broken. He had suffered a lot of guilt over his unwilling betrayal of his wife, but if he ever remembered anything else he never mentioned it.

The more I think about it though, I wonder just 'how' Hathor's pheromones worked. Was her control as total as it had seemed or just another form of Goa'uld possession in which the mind is aware of what is occurring, but unable to act upon it?

Oh, God...

It's got to be! It would explain so much; the 'look', the depression, the apparent suicide attempt....

Memory can be a tricky thing. Nobody knows that better than I do. Our subconscious minds tend to protect us while at the same time memory won't allow it....

I think what we're seeing here is a perfect example of that...Memories brought to life at the sight of Hathor that Daniel probably hadn't known existed until then. Memories of a violation of both mind and body. A violation so complete it could only be called rape.

I need to talk to the colonel...

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