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Chapter 7: Skaara of Abydos
I have never been so glad to see O'Neill.
I have been so afraid for Daniel. He was rarely ill on Abydos, just one episode of sun sickness that he learned from and never risked again. Even his allergies were not a great problem as long as he stayed away from the mastadge pens and aired out the tunnels he was so fond of exploring. Sha're certainly allowed no dust to linger in their home to cause my chosen brother discomfort. It was never difficult to want to help Daniel, the love he shared with us was all we required to want to make him happy.and keep him healthy.
I have missed him so much. Our time apart has changed us both in many ways, but the feelings have not changed. Even with Sha're lost to us, we are still family. I was very afraid at first that Daniel could not forget the things my demon used my body to do. I should have known better. Daniel would never blame me. He understands.
He told me about Sha're.her child, her death..and about the images placed in his mind as Sha're fought her demon's attempt to kill him. I miss my sister. I saw Amaunet often, but only once in all those years did I truly see Sha're. It was just after Amaunet returned from Abydos and the demon had yet to regain full control. With all of my strength I fought for control of my body and won. Sha're's eyes glowed with her own strong spirit as she told me Daniel still lived and searched for us.still loved us. I held that knowledge close to my heart, letting it ease the ache I had felt since my demon had so nearly killed him on the Ha'tak.
That image will never leave me. I could not fight the hate my demon felt for Daniel.for no other reason than because he was important to me. I had regained control for just a few moments that day and even influenced the demon's thoughts regarding Teal'c. My demon hated me for causing it to weaken, it felt the joy in my heart upon seeing Daniel and tried to use me to destroy him
I remember O'Neill's voice calling my name as Daniel struggled to breathe under the demon's onslaught. I fought so hard to stop it, but the hate was too strong. I was so glad when O'Neill fired his weapon. As I fell I could hear Daniel draw a choking breath and knew that he lived. With that treasured knowledge, I welcomed death.
Daniel, our gentle teacher and reluctant leader. Time has changed him, but I hope those things will never change. He is stronger now, in ways both saddening and heartening. I am glad he has learned to protect his body, but can see that he has also learned to conceal his innermost heart. I see it when he speaks of Sha're.like a curtain falling across a doorway. He thinks he failed her, but I know the truth.nothing could have saved Sha're. Amaunet was most strong, ancient and powerful in the ways of dominating a host. My demon was young and untested, it was far easier for me to fight than for Sha're. Daniel did not fail, there was never a chance for a true battle.
When Daniel told me of Kheb, I remembered something my demon had heard about the place. I did not know its location, but I did know this world contained a temple with writings which spoke of it. The language of the Ancients is as much a mystery to the demons as the Tau'ri, but Daniel was confident he could decipher it.
General Hammond had requested I be brought to Earth to speak of these things and I was surprised O'Neill was not present when I arrived.he is Daniel's commander and friend. Daniel told me O'Neill would not be joining us at the meeting or on the mission, but did not explain why. I could see the pain in Daniel's eyes when he told me General Hammond had decided to send only the two of us alone. I think it was as much Daniel's decision as the general's. I think Daniel feared to risk his friends. That thought was affirmed when Daniel tried to persuade me not to come either, but I have learned enough about my stubborn brother to know how to argue with Daniel. I believe Daniel thought even then that something would happen here and did not wish to risk any but himself.
Once we arrived here Daniel seemed to accept my presence. We found the temple without difficulty and fell into patterns established long ago on Abydos; Daniel studied and recorded the strange writings while I took care of our physical needs. The natives were quite hospitable, providing food and quarters without many questions. I know Daniel well enough to know he will work ceaselessly when faced with a mystery.I have seen it often. Sha're and I devised many ways of seeing that he would eat and sleep regularly when his mind became so busy that nothing else would exist for him. It was such a pleasure to return to those patterns, to the relationship I had thought lost forever.
We found time to talk after the first few days. We spoke of our lives since we parted on Chulak, of things long past and things painfully fresh. We spoke of Sha're, grieving and rejoicing together that her beautiful spirit was gone from us but finally.thankfully.free.
One week later, we were nearly finished copying the writings.Daniel was already certain of many references to Kheb.when the worst of the headaches came. Daniel had been taking the medicine Dr. Fraiser had given him before we left.the pain had come before, but gone fairly quickly. That attack was frightening. Daniel is as strong as he is intelligent.a quiet strength of spirit many do not suspect in one so gentle.I have never heard him cry out in such a manner. For many long minutes he was blinded to everything.he did not seem to feel or hear me as I led him back to our sleeping rooms. Even Dr. Fraiser's small pills took hours to have any effect on Daniel's pain. I remembered my mother had such head pain when I was very small.Sha're and our father would blanket all light from her room and keep me quiet. It seemed to work for Daniel, if only for a short time. I wanted to return with him to Earth right away, but Daniel insisted we finish what we had come to do. I promised him we would.
I knew O'Neill would come. I know much of what I feel for O'Neill is what I felt when Daniel would tell us tales of our heroic ancestors on Earth who fought the demons.but under that I also know that O'Neill is strong and would never abandon his friends. When Daniel did not return.O'Neill would come.
Now I almost wish he had not.
Looking toward the hilltop, my heart wants only to flee but knows it cannot.
Heru'ur, hated enemy of my demon.
Heru'ur, who tried before to take the child.
Heru'ur, who stands on the hilltop.with my father in chains.