DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author(s).
'Easy enough to say...'
Daniel was finding it increasingly hard not to look down.
They'd made it down about 50 feet already and Daniel was sure it was only because Jack had managed to keep him distracted with a string of bad puns and lame jokes. Now they were both beginning to tire. The hand and foot holds were all the support they had. There was no chance of rest.
Jack looked over at him and nodded in question. Daniel returned the nod and followed Jack's lead placing his hands in the small crevices and bare depressions that were all that stood between them and oblivion....
Daniel found that as long as he could maintain concentration on the rock face before him, he could keep his long-held fear at bay...but it was, without doubt, one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. By the same token...nearly three years of facing things far more frightening than this, nearly three years of fighting through situations that would make anyone doubt their sanity, nearly three years of searching and hoping and dying a little inside each time he realized that the trail to his former life grew colder by the moment...
It had made him stronger...but it was a weary strength, a strength with a brittle edge and a chilling numbness that was sometimes almost impossible to surface from...
Daniel shivered there on the rock face, losing concentration for a moment. Jack was slightly below him now and looking back up in concern. Jack, his friend...but Jack had looked at him that way before....and still let them send him to...
Daniel tried to shake off the memories that threatened to shake him off the rock face, dragging his best friend along with him...
"Daniel?"
Jack's voice was urgent, questioning.
"I'm okay...Keep going."
But he wasn't.
He knew that.
He knew that Jack knew it.
And he didn't know how to change it.
'Great....a major soul-searching moment while hanging from a cliff...'
Daniel almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. He wanted things to go back to the way they were before...to the absolute certainty he'd held in his friends... to the unshakable knowledge that at the bottom of everything, whatever might happen...they believed in him.
He wasn't sure it could ever happen. They'd let him be taken away, hadn't questioned the evidence of their eyes, hadn't looked beyond the obvious...hadn't been there for him when he felt so desperately alone...so completely confused...
They'd let him down...
He'd let himself down...
And he couldn't help feeling he'd let them down, too..
It should have been enough that Jack came when he called, but he couldn't forget the doubt in their eyes when Jack brought him back from that place. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, they still didn't believe in him.
Until they'd been infected, too...
Daniel tried to dismiss these thoughts as unworthy. They were his family, more than family....something he hadn't known since childhood... hadn't allowed himself to know. Unconditional trust, unwavering faith...he hadn't experienced that since childhood until Sha'uri, until SG-1...
It was an uphill battle.
And impossibly fragile....
"Daniel!"
Jack's voice was desperate now, trying to break through Daniel's wave of doubt...
Daniel tried to tell Jack that he was alright....tried to say that he felt something he didn't really feel...felt a knot building in his chest that threatened to choke him...
Then his hand slipped.