Author's Notes: I knew that the scene at the end of the segment was going to be part of the story (and yes, there is a point to it which will make sense farther down the road) I just didn't know how it was going to play out. Then I got a private e-mail from an individual who issued me a challenge of sorts that I immediately declined without giving in much thought. Said I couldn't do it. That response bothered me as soon as I sent it, and it bothered me enough that I decided to prove myself wrong. Nothing like a little inspiration from unexpected sources. So Susan, thanks for the push, made me write a better story and do something I didn't think I could do. Susan, this one's for you, and Merry Christmas. Same to everybody else too.
DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
* Godgodgod Danny you look so pale. I can barely even feel you with me anymore. Don't' go yet.*
Jack lowered his weary head, pillowing it on the arms that were resting on the bed upon which Daniel's body reposed in its death-like stillness. He took a deep sobbing breath, trying to pull back from the brink of completely drowning in despair.
So many hours had gone by.
Nothing had changed.
Except for the worst.
Teal'c had pulled him from the shower at the first sounds of his distress, bundling him immediately in a very large towel. A few stumbling phrases and being able to look him in the eye had somewhat reassured the Jaffa that Jack was feeling a little more like himself. He had accepted the help back to his quarters where he had stayed only long enough to pull on some clean clothing and a pair of shoes. He also remembered mumbling something to Teal'c, as they had made their way to the infirmary, that he wanted the uniform he had left discarded in the shower burned.
Janet had given him a quick once over, asked him a few questions that he didn't remember now but somehow must have answered to her satisfaction because she hadn't locked him up somewhere, and then they were on their way to Daniel. They had him, amidst all the equipment that was attached to him monitoring him and keeping him alive, in an isolation room. Intellectually, Jack understood the need for the precaution, but it struck him deep inside. It seemed so cold, so lonely, so unfair somehow.
He had tried, God knows he had tried, to prepare himself for what he had seen next. Janet had done her best to break it to him, to bring him up to speed, before she had let him go in that room. Before she had let him see..
Without raising his head Jack groped blindly toward Daniel, seeking the shoulder that his hand eventually found. So cold. Daniel felt like ice beneath his fingers. Jack couldn't look up. Couldn't look at him. Couldn't see - anymore. Hating himself for his weakness, Jack ground his forehead into his forearm until he wanted to cry out from the pain but would not allow himself the luxury, the hand that held Daniel's shoulder clutching, gripping harder than he knew he should. As if somehow by hurting Daniel, just a little, he could make him respond. Show some sign of life. Come back.
He was glad that Teal'c had been beside him and had had a good hold, because when he had first come into this place, he had needed shoring up. Daniel was lying on the bed, uncovered, looking exposed and vulnerable, clad only in the bottom half of hospital greens. Janet had explained that they had had no choice but to leave him that way. The thing had burned off anything they had tried to cover him with; the same way it had disintegrated his clothing. They - just gave up trying.
Daniel was so still, cadaverously pale, so drained of vitality and colour that it had almost terrified Jack back into that state he had only just pulled himself out of. By contrast the thing on Daniel seemed to be thriving. The indigo colour had deepened, and there was a strange amethyst luminescence in the center of the mass that thummed and pulsated with a definite, regular rhythm. There seemed to be something familiar to that hypnotic cadence, and then Jack became aware of the machine beside Daniel, the cardiac monitor, that was beeping in obscene harmony to the measured throbbing of the monstrosity. An unholy duet..
God - it was pulsing in time to the beating of Daniel's heart!
There was a chair by the bed. He saw it, made for it, deposited himself in it before his legs gave out. He sat there, limp and drained, looking dumbly up at the concerned faces of Janet and Teal'c. He opened his mouth to try and make some kind of crack but couldn't think of anything.
* Can't talk your way out of this one, O'Neill. All the snappy patter in the world isn't going to change a thing.*
Eventually he had found a way to say something. At least enough to reassure the Doc and Teal'c that he wasn't going to do anything that would require the further services of a babysitter. Janet had gone, saying that she would be back to check up on them in twenty minutes, and he had sent Teal'c away to join Carter. But not before trying to stumble out some kind of thank you for what the Jaffa had done for both of them.
He didn't know what he had said. He didn't know if it was right, didn't know if it was enough. But Teal'c understood. Jack could see it in his eyes. It was with great reluctance that the Jaffa left the room. Doing his duty. Doing what he had to do. Doing what Daniel most needed him to do. Just like Sam.
* Find something, Sam. Please find something.*
For once in his life Jack regretted what he was. Simply a soldier. He possessed no special skills, no knowledge, nothing that would be of any use in helping to save Daniel. He could contribute nothing to the search, nothing to the effort. He was - useless. He might as well sit here and feel sorry for himself, there was nothing he could do here or anywhere that would do the least bit of good.
That had been hours ago. Duty personnel had come and gone, ghostly white shadows that had barely registered upon his awareness, checking readings, checking Daniel, checking him. The meaningless minutes hours and seconds swam about him, swirling in a mocking miasma of impotence and crushing self-doubt. Daniel was right beside him, but there was no answering warmth beneath his hand, nothing to hold onto in the cold flesh that he clutched, no spark of hope or comfort to warm his aching heart.
Daniel would know what to say. Daniel would be able to make it right. Right up until this moment Jack had never realized just how completely he had taken that lynchpin of his universe for granted. Daniel was a constant that he never questioned or doubted. He just - was. And because he was, everything else that was made sense for Jack.
Faced with the very real eventuality that that which gave meaning to his very existence was about to be taken from him, Jack had no idea how to begin to face it - without Daniel. Nor did he feel he even had the slightest modicum of courage to be able to endure it.
* God help me Danny - I can't do this. I can't do this anymore. I'm not strong enough, I'm not brave enough. If you go, you'll take the best part of me with you, and what's left won't even be worth worrying about.*
Feeling himself beginning to crumble, Jack instinctively reached out for the hand that was always there to catch him. The hand that had never failed to be there, when he most needed it. The hand he knew would never fail him, the same way he knew the sun would not fail to rise every morning.
Reached out - and it was not there.
Crying out in shock and utter disbelief, Jack fell.
Sam brushed away the hovering hand of the medic that was putting the finishing touches on the dressing on her forearm and gingerly eased herself off the examination table. She winced as her feet became fully weight-bearing again; it wasn't going to be fun walking around for the next couple of days with her right hip and side bruised the way it was. She and Teal'c had hit pretty hard when the explosion had hurled them the rest of the way out of the building. Thank God that door had been open, else they probably would have been smeared all over it by the force of the blast.
She had suffered a few minor cuts and bruises. Teal'c had taken the worst of it. She turned to look at the impassive man who sat stoically on the table across from her, patiently submitting to the ministrations of the medics who were tending to the numerous lacerations to his back, arms and shoulders. The Jaffa looked like he had been put through a paper shredder. Twice. He seemed no more concerned about it than if he was having a hangnail removed.
"How you doing, Teal'c?" She smiled at him as she experimented with taking a few steps. Still didn't care much for it, but she could do it.
"I am fine, Captain Carter. I am also pleased to see that you seem to have sustained only minor injuries."
"Thanks to you," She grinned ruefully at him. "If you hadn't come back for me when you did I wouldn't be here right now. Thanks for saving my butt back there."
Teal'c inclined his head in acknowledgement of her words. The faintest trace of a smile flirted with his lips.
"I understand that you are very fond of that particular portion of your anatomy. I am pleased that I was able to be of assistance in enabling you to retain it."
"Yeah," she laughed. "I'll keep that in mind the next time the Colonel decides it doesn't pass muster. Speaking of the Colonel, I know we have to get back to working on decoding this data, but I have to -"
"I understand," Teal'c replied softly. "I have no doubt that he will be very glad to see you. I will be done here shortly," he paused to favor the medic with a meaningful look, not so much to seek confirmation of that fact but to inform the man that this was so. "Give me the disks and I will begin to work on them until you return."
"Thanks, Teal'c." She said gratefully, squeezing his hand and passing him the disks. "You're a treasure."
"So I have been told," he replied matter-of-factly.
Sam beamed at him and ran from the room just as fast as she could hobble.
She found herself holding her breath as she moved cautiously into the darkened room where Daniel lay. The only sounds that filled it were those made by the medical equipment that functioned ceaselessly, uncaring of who or what was there to witness their servitude.
She paused in her transit of the room, confused by what she saw. Or rather, by what she did not see. The Colonel was not there. There was an overturned chair at the bedside, but no sign of the Colonel. Feeling more than a little disturbed by this, she continued to make her way to Daniel's bedside.
She had to work hard at suppressing the gasp of horror that wanted to burst forth from her when she saw Daniel. Even though she could plainly hear the monitors working, confirming the fact that he was living and breathing, she still had to touch him to verify that fact for herself.
He was as cold as he looked, the pallor of his skin almost a bloodless blue. Breathing so shallowly that it could barely be detected. Not knowing why he was lying there exposed she looked about angrily for some sort of blanket or cover, and saw nothing. Feeling she needed to do something, she picked up one of his limp hands and started to vigorously chafe it, hoping to impart some of her own strength and warmth to him.
She was so angry that she almost missed it. There - the faintest of flickers - his eyelids trembled as something behind them moved almost imperceptibly.
Excitedly she dropped his hand and took Daniel's face in her hands. She leaned forward, peering intently into his face, looking for another movement to confirm what she thought she had seen.
Nothing. Damn. She knew she had seen something.
She pushed aside the hair that tumbled down, somewhat obscuring his eyes and laid a hand on his forehead as she leaned closer.
"Daniel," she said softly but strongly.
"Daniel! Daniel, it's Sam. Can you hear me?"
Sam was a scientist. A complete creature of the mind, and intellect, a disciple of the Church of the Rational and Explainable. There was no room in her universe for that which could not be explained or contained within the purview of her strictly ordered understanding of everything that was.
She was completely unprepared for the occurrence of the knowing.
Somehow, in that instant of touching Daniel and seeking to discover if he could hear her something touched her in return. Something that filled her mind with a knowing that she could neither explain nor refute. A knowledge she further did not know she was going to require very shortly.
As her mind reeled with relief and confusion she heard the sounds behind her.
Someone was crying. The sounds were badly muffled, but they were coming from the darkened corner on the other side of the room.
In response to what she needed to do the knowing released her. Shaking her head in dazed relief she caressed Daniel's forehead gently in a parting gesture, and then straightened up to go and investigate the distressed sounds emanating from the darkness.
It was the Colonel. She had known it would be. It couldn't have been anyone else.
He had jammed himself into the corner, hunched over into a compact ball of misery, his head resting on arms that were folded over drawn up knees. His body heaved with sobs that threatened to crack his very heart and even muffled, the sounds that he was making were the most awful things that Sam had every heard.
Sam froze in her tracks - awed and terrified by such manifest misery as she had never in her life ever experienced. The very air about the Colonel was thick almost to the point of suffocating with the psychic force of his misery and despair. It hurled itself at her across the empty space between them, pummelling her breath from her body with its awful power, making her want to bolt from the room and not look back.
She took a step back, overwhelmed by what she was seeing and feeling, barely suppressing the urge to flee in response to the terror such primal agony engendered within her. She had never witnessed such terrible distress and it pushed her almost to the point of blind panic. It simply was too awful to behold, to experience. There wasn't enough consolation in the world to deal with this. She didn't have the words, didn't know where to begin, could not do anything for him because of her own terror of the responsibility that was being thrust upon her that she did not feel adequate to shoulder.
* Tell him what you know, Sam. He needs to hear it.He won't hear me.*
She jumped as she heard Daniel's voice. Not outside - inside. Oh man, this was just getting too weird.
This is not happening this is not happening. An aftereffect of the blast. Must have hit her head. Must be shock.
* Get a hold of yourself, Carter. Suck it up and get going. The Colonel needs you.*
Taking a deep breath Sam resolutely shouldered her way through the forcefield of despair that surrounded the Colonel and dropped to her knees by his side.
She put one caring hand on his arm, the other on the top of his head as she tried to use her presence to penetrate the barrier of his misery.
"Colonel" she entreated him. "Colonel, it's Sam,"
Now that she was this close to him she could hear the muffled words riding on the carrier waves of his sobs.
"I can't do this I can't do this not again can't lose my boy again not again Danny don't do this to me."
* Omigod, not this! I didn't realize. What do I do, what do I say? Jesus.*
Sam momentarily floundered beneath the weight of her concern and her uncertainty. Then, as quickly as the panic had come it was banished by the calm knowledge of precisely what was needed. The words came from her, carrying a weight and an authority she did not recognize, almost as if someone else who was far wiser than she was speaking through her. Saying exactly what the Colonel needed to hear.
"Listen to me, Jack," she said firmly with earnest conviction. "Don't be afraid. There is no need. Daniel is not going to die. He's not going to leave you - leave any of us. What is happening to him right now is simply a stage. He'll be coming back to us, very soon. Trust me. Trust me Jack."
The instant she uttered those two simple words the Colonel's head flew up. His red-rimmed eyes were wide with nascent, desperate hope, his face a tear- runnelled battleground upon which pain and its cessation contended for mastery.
"I trust Daniel," he gasped in a ragged, barely audible voice.
Not knowing why it was happening, she heard words she did not understand coming out of her mouth yet again.
"Trust him now," she said. "He made you a promise he has no intention of breaking."
She had no idea what she had just said, but it was working. Hope was dawning in formerly dead eyes. More than hope, almost unbearably naked joy.
"Daniel promised. Daniel promised." Not spoken as an inquiry or something that required confirmation, but as a statement of absolute, immutable fact.
The Colonel looked at her, seeing her for the first time. He grabbed her face between his hands, a sob of relief tore from him, and tears began to fall anew, tears of relief and happiness.
"Daniel promised!" He shouted as his grip tightened about her face a little painfully. She gritted her teeth against it and smiled back at him.
"Yes Sir," was all she could come up with.
He released her face and then threw himself forward, falling against her, into her arms. She held him tightly as he laughed and sobbed into her shoulder, purging the last of the fear and doubt in a shuddering release of sound and salt water that she strove to support as resolutely as she could.
She knew she would stay that way and be there for him as long as he needed her to be.