Author's Notes: I'd like to thank my betas - Dee, Kat and Wendy - for their comments (much appreciated, guys). This was my first fanfic and I was really unsure of what I was doing. Special thanks to Dee for helping a complete newbie at the whole writing thing! *grin*
DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
"And so that's what Nem wanted," Daniel concluded. "To simply know what happened to his wife."
"And taking you, all of us, captive, implanting your 'death' in our memories, and sending the three of us back home BELIEVING you were dead was for that?" Jack asked.
He shook his head in disbelief.
Daniel opened his mouth to debate the point, tell Jack that it wasn't just that, but was caught by a yawn. Before he could speak, Dr Frasier, who was sitting in on the debriefing, quickly interjected,
"General Hammond, I recommend that Daniel be sent home for a few days. From his examination I can safely say that there's nothing wrong with him, save for some exhaustion due to lack of sleep. I would also recommend that the rest of SG-1 also be put on leave to recuperate. It's been a trying few days."
Noticing affirming nods from around the table, the General also nodded.
"SG-1, you're now on stand down for 3 days. Rest yourselves and we'll see you back here at 700 hours on Wednesday. Dismissed."
With that, the General, accompanied by Dr Frasier, left the debriefing room deep in discussion.
SG-1 slowly rose from their seats, gradually moving towards the door. Teal'c was the first to speak.
"It is good to see you back Daniel Jackson."
"Yeah, good to have you home Dannyboy. Speaking of home, you want a lift? I'm headed on my way outta here. Carter? Ride? Teal'c, wanna stay at my place?"
"Thank you O'Neill. I accept."
"Ahh, no thanks, Sir. I'll probably stay here a little while before going myself. But thank you for the offer, Sir."
Jack turned to the only person in the group, standing mute.
"Daniel? Hey, Danny."
He was broken out of his reverie and murmured,
"Oh. Uh, no thanks. I've gotta do something here first," he answered cryptically. "Sam, mind if I get a lift?"
"Sure."
"Okay. Now that that's settled I'll see you back here Wednesday. C'mon Teal'c. Let's go," Jack declared.
Daniel and Sam walked slowly down the corridor, comfortable with the silence. Sam spoke first.
"Can you be ready in 15 minutes?"
"Yeah, sure. See you topside then."
Daniel then walked back to his office, although he thought cubbyhole was a better description, and stood behind his desk, looking around. As he did, his eyes fell upon a familiar item - an intricately decorated piece of cloth given to him by Sha're as a gift. He walked over to it and picked it up.
"Ohh, Sha're. What you will never know. Nem taught me something in these past few days, that I have felt coming, but have been unsure of. 4000 years of his life was devoted to trying to find the fate of Omarocca. Not unlike me in my search for you. But unlike Nem, I don't have 4000 years, and I'm not sure I'll ever find you."
He began to pace slowly around the room, stroking the unusually textured cloth, until he came to stand in front of his desk, placing his hands on the smooth surface, in such contrast to the fabric in his grip. He continued on, relaying his feelings, almost as if the material were a transmitter, sending his message.
"It's because of this that I feel I need to give the search for you a backseat, and concentrate on more important things. I have... umm... been developing feelings for a... a... friend... but strong feelings of... more than... friendship. You were dear to me Sha're, so dear. But I'm not sure if I ever really loved you. I sensed the same feelings from you. Now I need to know what you want me to do. Please tell me. I... I think I'm beginning to... to love... this friend. Sha're, what should I do?"
He clutched the cloth tightly, feeling it grow warm in his hands, before sitting dejectedly in his standard-issue military chair, letting the cloth fall from his grasp. He leant back and closed his eyes, his head lolling on the back of the chair. A voice inside his head chided him for his actions. 'Daniel, what did you really think? That she would somehow hear it and somehow send you an answer? I think you need a sleep.'
He opened his eyes and went to pick up the cloth. He froze, staring at where it had fallen. The cloth lay on a photo of himself and Sam, taken at one of the many get-togethers at Jack's house. They were both grinning at the camera, with their arms looped loosely around each others' backs. One of Daniel's happier times.
"Sam..." he murmured.
Sam's eyes widened and she moved quickly and quietly away from the doorway. She realised that she had just witnessed, although not visually, something deeply personal and, while curious what it would have to do with her, she also felt guilty. Eavesdropping was not something she did. She had only wanted to tell Daniel she was almost ready. But after hearing Sha're's name, she had felt compelled to stay, as a searing hot feeling pierced through her at his words. Now she felt she needed to analyse these feelings.
'Why so many feelings?' she thought, a little too anxiously. 'Daniel's a friend. Why would I WANT to eavesdrop on a conversation about Sha're?'
'Jealousy,' a little voice in here head answered for her.
"I'm not jealous. I couldn't possibly be. WHY would I be jealous?" she objected wildly.
She rushed into her sleeping quarters and threw some items into a bag, before going to the basin and splashing water on her flushed face. That seemed to do the trick - the conflicting thoughts and emotions had slowed from a rat-race to a slight hustle and bustle.
'Ugh. I've gotta get outta here. I just need some sleep, that's all.'
Sam grabbed up her bag and took the elevator to the surface. She took her time getting to the car where she found Daniel waiting. She caught her breath, looking at his tousled hair and slightly unshaven jaw. He was leaning against the passenger side door with his eyes closed, head back and glasses hanging carelessly from his limp hand.
He was still in the same clothes from the mission, and Sam couldn't help but admire the display of muscle on the arms and chest, outlined by the clinging tightness of the T-shirt.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and missed a crack in the road, tripping herself. Daniel looked up when he heard her footfall, and smiled her name.
"Sam."
"Hey, Daniel. Ready to go home? You look like you really need it. But we all do I suppose." She stopped herself before she began to ramble aimlessly, and gave a quick uncomfortable smile.
The drive to Daniel's place was quiet, each involved with their own thoughts. Sam couldn't seem to shake this feeling of apprehension. She knew SOMETHING was going to happen, but she wasn't sure WHAT.
She pulled up at his front door and turned to him.
"Here we are. Need any help getting inside?" she teased.
He smiled back at her.
"No, but would you mind coming inside for a bit? I've got some stuff to share."
"Oh... okay."
The butterflies in her stomach were getting worse - she was beginning to feel sick.
They walked inside, Daniel dumping his books on the coffee table, and they each plopped down on the settee.
Sam's brow creased in a frown of concern. Daniel looked like he was finding it difficult to keep his eyes open.
She began to stand, saying,
"Maybe I SHOULD go. You look really beat."
"No no. Don't go. Please. I can stay awake just a bit longer. But I need some coffee."
She followed the weary form of Daniel Jackson into the kitchenette and watched him begin to make the coffee. After seeing him almost drop the mug on the floor she walked over to him and placed her hands over his.
"Let me do this. I don't want you to burn yourself." She smiled.
He tilted himself back against the opposite cupboard and watched as Sam went through the familiar motions. Standing here he could look at her without being obvious. His eyes narrowed slightly as his gaze moved down over her slim waist and womanly hips, the skin hidden by the coveralls but the shape still very visible.
He turned his head away and sucked in his breath quietly but deeply.
'I shouldn't be having these thoughts about her. She's my team mate for God's sake. She's my friend. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But God, she's so beautiful.'
His thoughts were cut short by a hot cup of coffee being placed in his hands and a tender smile from the woman at his side.
"Come on. Let's get you back to the couch."
"No. Sam... umm... we need to talk."
"Ookay. What did you want to talk about?" The butterflies were back again with renewed force and Sam could barely stand - her knees kept wanting to buckle underneath her.
"About when I was gone..." He paused, looking into her eyes. Before she turned away he caught a glimpse of wetness around her lids.
"Hey, what's the matter?" he asked gently, catching hold of her chin and turning it towards his concerned face.
"Oh Daniel."
She threw her arms around his neck. Surprised, but not at all uncomfortable, he put his arms around her waist and held her tightly. He waited for her to go on.
"When you were gone... it was terrible. I thought I'd never see you again. Just the thought of that... I couldn't bear it."
Again, Daniel was surprised. He'd never known that Sam felt this way. She'd always been a friend, but he had no idea her feelings were this strong.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm here now. You don't have to worry. I won't go away."
"But then we found out we left you there! God, Daniel! We left you behind! You should hate us for that! You're our friend, and we left you behind." She began to sob uncontrollably.
"Shh, it's alright," he soothed. "It wasn't your fault - you were lead to believe I was dead. What could you have done? Nothing. I'm not worried. I'm back now. And I couldn't hate you - I could NEVER hate you, Sam. You're everything to me."
She looked up now into the earnest face and was taken aback by what she saw. There was love shining in his eyes as he gazed down at her and her face changed to show a wide smile, bright with joy.
"Daniel..."
"Shh... don't think about anything else but this..."
He bent down and placed his lips on hers - tentative, warm, loving. Sam answered back with all the emotion she had been yearning to show this man for so long, this man she loved. 'The man she loved.' Words she had been afraid to think, but now they came so easily to mind.
Then they were swept away on a tide of love and passion, unaware of anything but each other.