DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
Can you trust someone if they don't trust you? I've been asking myself that a lot since Jack came back to the SGC. Not that he ever really left ... he was just on temporary reassignment. Undercover. Following orders. Saving the universe. That sort of thing. Terrific.
Sam and Teal'c ... well, they seem okay with this. Oh, they haven't quite forgiven him for the charade. I know that, but I also know without being told that this game he was playing was nothing more than another assignment to the two of them. They'll take a modicum of revenge then let it go. They've already started actually. Backing me up on that short straw thing. The look on his face was priceless. I sensed rather than saw them pulling his leg. But they didn't hear those things he said to me. At his house. When we were alone.
Those things Jack said about friendship ... our friendship. They hurt. Badly. It was bad enough when I thought they were true. Now though, Jack says it was an act. Had to make sure the bad guys bought the story. House was bugged. That sort of thing. Sure. He was very convincing. But he's not an actor. Part of what he said had to be true. But which part?
I envy Sam and Teal'c's ease with following orders. Having such a strict code of conduct makes things easier. Black and white, even when it comes to shades of grey. It's okay to screw your friends if the cause is good. But I'm not military. Oh, the code of conduct is there, but it's my own. No one dictates it. My code is black and white. Truth or fiction. Trust or ... not. My head knows Jack had to do this. That it was a good thing. That it was necessary to salvage relations with the Tollans, the Asgards, and the Nox. But my heart sees only the fact that he didn't trust his team ... didn't trust me ... enough to let us ... me ... back him up.
I keep wondering how he would have played it if I hadn't been part of SG-1. Part of his team. If the fourth member had been military, not civilian. This time it's my heart that wants to believe Jack would have played it the same way, but my head tells me that's a lie. That his military team would have been allowed to back him up. God, was I the reason Sam and Teal'c were kept in the dark? Because he didn't trust me to behave correctly, he couldn't trust them with the secret either? Am I that big of a drag on the team? That he feels in truly important situations, he'll not only consider lying to me, he'll actually follow through with it?
Jack, you say you want me to trust you, but how can I now? Now that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when push comes to shove, you don't trust me. And Jack, trust is a two way street.