Author's Notes: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so please don't hurl any heavy objects. It was done with great affection and respect for the characters and the actors, writers, directors, producers and all the unnamed people who bring them to life. I hope I did right by them. Big thanks to the girls who read it and assured me it didn't stink! Especially Scribe and Ellen -- you were a great help! It was fun to write (although Jack might quibble over a definition of 'fun') and I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think -- good, bad, or ugly.
DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
Daniel waited.
Would Major MacKenzie even listen to him? Had he called the SGC? Was Teal'c, in fact, even sick?
What if Mackenzie hadn't believed him? What if he was out there, laughing at the nutcase stuck in this little rubber room? Maybe he should talk to him again... Maybe he needed to try harder. Make him listen....
He started to get up off the floor.
And stopped himself.
//Get a grip, Daniel.// He berated his lack of control. Damn. How easy it all still spiraled downward. //Deep breath.//
//Think about this.// MacKenzie hadn't given him the meds after all. Surprised the hell out of Daniel. Not exactly by the book, that decision. He said he'd at least call Hammond. Hadn't he? Memory was a fuzzy thing right now. //Okay, yes, he'd said he'd call.// That was good. That means Daniel had sounded rational. He'd done pretty well.
//Then again, who am I to judge rational? I thought alot of things that weren't true.//
//Do NOT go there.//
Okay. He'd just have to wait. All he could do. Wait and think positive thoughts.
Of course, thinking any thoughts was a definite improvement.
So, he waited.
Not patiently, but he waited. //Patiently,// he thought, //there's an irony. I'm a patient not patient.// He smiled brittly at his own pun. //If I'm making bad jokes, I must be getting better.//
He was definitely better. Not a hundred percent, but better. Thinking was getting easier. Remembering was getting easier. Control was getting easier. The remaining drugs just needed to work their way out of his bloodstream. He could practically feel the chemicals screwing up his system. He knew how it worked. How the meds had altered his chemistry almost as much as the schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia. God.
Clinically, he knew all about the psychosis. Psych 101. He knew the symptoms, the causes, the statistics. Clinically.
But now he knew it intimately, from the inside. It was a whole different beast from this side.
Daniel could remember it all. It was jumbled, but it all remained burned into his brain. How he felt himself losing control. The visions. Delusions. Hysteria. Crying in front of his friends. Paranoia. Mounting fear.
If he let himself, he could still feel the prickle of fear.
God.
But he was getting better now. That was the important thing. He kept focused on that. It was a hell of alot easier than remembering.
Daniel prided himself on being a man who didn't run away, didn't hide from his problems, or his fears. But in this case, retreat might really be the better part of valor. Even Jack would've agreed.
So, he waited. And he exercised his returning sanity. He'd already named all the Pharoahs--in order, then backwards. Then, the Egyptian gods, in order of importance. Babylonian dieties, Greek, Roman.
At least, he thought it was in order. Okay, maybe not completely. Okay, maybe he'd just managed to get the major ones. Okay, at least he'd gotten Ra correct--that was a biggie, right? //Bad jokes again.// He smiled.
Better.
Now, he was mentally listing all the worlds SG1 had gone to. It was still difficult. He still felt fuzzy. Underwater. He'd tried to go in order, but he couldn't separate any sort of timeline. The details still eluded him. Names, designations, missions, even sometimes his own damn theories. What came out of his own brain, for God's sake!
//Don't panic.// He rubbed his thumb across the bridge of his nose and took another deep breath. //It's the drugs. It'll pass. Settle for what you can do.//
If he couldn't remember the facts, he could at least visualize the worlds. He could see some of the people there. Smell the plants, feel the suns, hear the laughter.
Well, it was something, right? Half a loaf being better than none, right?
Truth be told, it wasn't something Daniel had ever ascribed to. Then again, since he'd joined Jack's team, he'd had to learn to appreciate the concept. So, he left the planet names off some of his list and just visualized the worlds. It would do for now.
It was still better than before.
P3X-599. Lush, vibrant world. Primitive inhabitants.
P4C-878. Lunar environment. No signs of life.
P3.... dammit...okay, villages floating on the water, bobbing slightly in the breeze and waves...that nice village elder who insisted on feeding us and took such a liking to Sam...
Yes, better.
P5--
The door opened.
Jack.
Things were looking brighter all over the place.
".....Well, Teal'c does have a Goa'uld."
Jack watched his friend make his argument. He was a hell of a sight better than last time Jack had seen him. Daniel hadn't seen anything that wasn't there. He wasn't the emotional wreck he'd been. He'd been clear, logical, controlled.
He'd been like Daniel again.
Mostly.
He was still showing nervous ticks in his hands, occasional pacing. Excess energy that he overcompensated for by standing stock-still. Odd gestures, unconsciously playing with his hands or his face. Arms crossed in an effort to quiet his less-than-controlled movements.
He considered what Daniel was telling him. Goa'uld-killing inventions. It was a stretch. And it wasn't the first story he'd heard from Daniel on what was happening to him. Granted, it was better than nine dead Goauld looking for a host. In his closet.
But was better enough?
Daniel uncrossed his arms, watching Jack watch him. Waiting. Jack wasn't convinced. He knew him well enough to see it in his face. So close, but not enough.
He took a forward step to close the distance between them, trying desperately to come up with something...anything...to sway his friend.
Instead, the whole room swayed slightly to the left. It was hard to tell in floor-to-ceiling white padding, but everything in Daniel's world just tilted. //God, not now! I canNOT pass out now!// He was this close and now these damn drugs were going to screw it up!
He felt Jack reach out and grab his elbow to steady him. He closed his eyes briefly, using the solid touch to ground himself. When he opened them again, Jack was frowning slightly. He let go of Daniel almost immediately. Like how he hadn't touched Daniel at all last time he was here. Daniel knew that behaviour. Minimize physical contact that may upset the patient, causing outbursts. //Damn, I'm not getting ANYWHERE.//
The pain of failure burned him. He would fail not only himself, but Teal'c.
//No. Not gonna happen. I won't let it.//
Jack watched Daniel regain his balance after the stumble. He stepped back, training kicking in. He waited while Daniel composed himself.
A dizzy spell, from the looks of it. It could just be the drugs. Filling a person up with drugs did screwy things to the body, right?
Or, it could be more than that. Even MacKenzie didn't know what was going on.
"It's the drugs. It'll go away," Daniel tried to convince him. He sounded awfully damn sure of it.
Jack nodded once. "'Course." Had that sounded as patronizing as Jack thought it did?
Daniel stepped closer again, this time making it.
"Jack." It was that tone Daniel used--part demand, part desperate earnestness. It was a tone Jack had heard often. When he needed Jack to really hear him. It was the sound of his strong friend, the man Jack had come to know. Not the sound of the patient who'd been brought here.
"Jack," he repeated, his eyes boring into his friend. "I'm okay. You have to see that."
The sentence held the faintest hint of pleading. Daniel needed him to understand this. Jack considered the implied question. He was still this man's team leader. And his friend. He wouldn't lie to him. They both knew that. Niether of them was that kind of person. He chewed on his answer for a moment.
In the end, Jack still wasn't sure if he really believed Daniel's theory or not. He didn't know if Daniel was cured or not. But he was more than ready to do whatever it took to have a chance to do something for Teal'c.
He turned and knocked on the door. When the aide came to open it, Jack turned briefly back to Daniel.
"Yeah, I see that. Wait here."
"Where'm I gonna go?" Daniel's hand waved jerkily at the stark, white room. He felt a little giddy with relief at having his friend believe him. A small, brief smile made its way up through his worry. He watched Jack hesitate a moment longer, then go past the aide and down the corridor. The door closed again. Daniel could still see Jack's back through the little window out of his cell.
Jack believed him. Maybe not completely. Jack often didn't completely believe him. That was normal. But he knew Daniel was all *here* and that made a world of difference. He could convince him of his theory about Ma'chello's devices. He could try to help Teal'c. He could do whatever it took. He felt some control over things again. Damn, it felt good. He'd been so afraid he'd never feel in control again.
And he felt like part of the team again, even standing alone here in a padded room in a mental facility. Wasn't that an odd thing? He'd have to think about that later.
//At least I can think about things again.//
Yes, things were definitely looking brighter.
Jack would come up with something. It was what he did.
//Now, how do I help Teal'c?// He started to pace.
He was waiting again.
Still not patiently.
Pacing. Back and forth, one white wall to the other, arms crossed stiffly to quiet hands that still moved of their own accord. He knew he should stop. It wouldn't help his case to look at all manic. But he couldn't.
Dammit, how long was it gonna take? What was going on? Where had Jack gone?
"'Wait here,'" he mimicked Jack's last order. "For how long, Jack? I don't think we've got a lotta time here."
//Stop talking to yourself, Daniel. That really won't help.//
He watched the door as he made another pass by it. Still nothing.
He had no way to measure time in this timeless room. How long had it been? How much longer?
How much LONGER?
Back and forth. One white wall to the other, padding squishing slightly under bare feet. Another pass by the door. Another peek out the safety-glass window. Still no sign of life.
Back and forth.
Then, after an eternity, there was suddenly activity on the other side. Jack came in, flanked by an aide and Dr. MacKenzie. The doctor looked Daniel over appraisingly, from above those damn glasses of his. Daniel felt like a specimen on a slide.
He waited.
Finally, the doctor seemed to finish whatever visual examination he was making. "I'm still not entirely convinced this is the best plan, Colonel." He spoke to Jack, even though he hadn't looked away from Daniel.
"We need him," Jack answered. Daniel was getting a little unnerved by them talking about him as though he weren't standing right here. "It may be Teal'c's only chance. I'm not gonna let him die without trying everything we've got."
//Damn. Teal'c must be worse off than I thought. Hurry up, Jack. We've got work to do.//
"Alright. But only because it's still going to be a secure facility. And I'm holding you personally responsible for him."
Jack addressed Daniel for the first time since walking in. "You ready?"
"Uhm," Daniel knew he looked a little lost. "For what?"
"For what? To get out of here. Unless you've gotten a better offer."
Daniel skittered toward the open door. "Uh, no, no. Follow you anywhere, Jack." He was out the door before he'd finished the sentence. He waited for Jack to come out. "What'd they do with my stuff?"
"The aide will show you." MacKenzie turned to pin Jack with those eyes again. "Any unusual behaviour, and I'll expect him back here immediately. Is that clear?"
"You'd have to define 'unusual', Doc."
"Jack, don't help." Daniel rolled his eyes. Jokes. Jack was joking with him. Like calling him nuts earlier when they'd talked. It was so very reassuring that Jack was comfortable enough with him to joke again. He hadn't done that since the 'incident' in the VIP suite. The familiar banterwas oddly comforting. Who'd've guessed he'd miss Jack's sarcasm?.
MacKenzie failed to see any humour in the situation. Unsurprising.
The aide showed them to a locker room of sorts. "Jack, I don't know how you got me out of there, but..."
"Don't mention it." Jack interrupted. "You learn how to work red tape if you spend long enough in the military."
//Okay, I'm certainly not looking a gift horse in the mouth.//
There was a box with his name handwritten on a label. He rifled through the contents. A clean uniform, his boots, his watch... "Yes. Antihistamines. God, I missed these. Wait...my glasses aren't here." He dug some more. Nothing. //Where the hell are my glasses?//
"I'll find them. You change. We're short on time." Jack abruptly left him alone.
Daniel took a glance around. The shear normalcy of this room, his stuff, his teammate--it made him catch his breath. The feeling of not being watched, examined, and evaluated. Of just being left alone to change clothes. It was exhilerating.
//God, it turns out it is the simple things in life.// He laughed--a tense, short laugh--while ridding himself of the hospital clothes.
When Jack returned, he was tugging at the plastic wristband they'd tagged him with when he'd been brought in. "Can we get this thing off?" He pulled his watch over it, reveling in the familiar weight.
"On the way. Here." Jack held out his glasses.
Daniel looked at them. In the jumble of his recent memory, he remembered someone taking them off him. She'd been casual about it, but Daniel knew. They'd taken them so he couldn't use the glass to hurt himself. Standard operating procedure. The scientist in him knew that.
But it had hurt. He'd been embarassed. Hell, he'd been downright humiliated. Was he that far gone? A danger to himself, to others? They were child-proofing everything around him. His glasses, his clothes, his environment, his friends, his life.
That was what had brought down his defenses like nothing else. The humiliation of what was happening to him. Just the thought of it had brought him to tears when the team came to visit him. It still made him feel like crying.
The glasses stared back at him.
Jack had brought them back to him. He was still holding them out, like an offering. It was more than just a pair of glasses. It was his life. He was getting his life back.
"Thanks," he mumbled as he took them and adjusted them on his face. The fuzziness of his world got a little clearer. //In more ways than one.// Jack smiled quickly at him, a very knowing smile. Daniel wondered at that. He really knew so little about his friend. But, right then and there, it didn't matter a bit. Many things didn't.
And some things suddenly did matter even more.
//Only your friends are here, DanielJackson.//
"Thanks," he said again, not sure who he was really addressing.
Jack responded by wrapping his hand around the back of Daniel's neck and herding him out of the locker room. "Let's go. We've still gotta save Teal'c."