DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author(s).
Jack decided to use a little of their dwindling water supply to make some coffee, they both needed something to keep them awake. By unspoken agreement, they were trying to keep up a running conversation...anything to stay alert. Jack could see the strain in Daniel's eyes as the young man fought to stay aware and in control, now , as always, putting his friend's needs ahead of his own.
Jack had redressed Daniel's hand while they had waited for the coffee. The red streaking seemed to be spreading, but slower now. Jack hoped that it meant they'd have a break for a while. At the last radio check, he'd told Carter about everything that had happened. She'd sounded worried, but could offer no theory. She said that she and Teal'c were making good time and should reach the mountains by midday. Jack had cautioned them once again to be careful and broken the contact.
'The kid looks like shit.' Jack thought.
"Not a very nice thing to say, Jack."
Jack looked at Daniel in alarm.
"Uh-oh," Daniel said, realizing what the look meant. "No...Jack, I..."
Jack shook his head, "Don't worry about it, if it happens...it happens." He busied himself pouring the coffee. "Nobody else I'd let peek in there..."
When Jack turned to pass over the coffee, he could see that Daniel was struggling to maintain his composure. Between the fever and the venom's effects, Daniel's emotions were very near the surface right now.
Daniel took the coffee in his good hand and drank deeply, sighing. "What are we gonna do, Jack?'
"What do we always do? We deal with it," Jack said with his usual rock-hard certainty. A certainty he didn't necessarily feel right now.
Daniel looked at Jack and nodded. "Okay," he whispered, exhaustion plain in his voice.
"C'mon, Danny...stay with me here."
Daniel nodded, sitting up a little straighter. "Jack..."
"Yeah, Danny?"
"If something happens..."
Jack nearly spilled his coffee as he reached over to shake Daniel's shoulder. "Don't talk like that Daniel! Nothing's gonna happen to you...not while I'm around."
Jack could see his own fear reflected in Daniel's eyes and tried to clamp down on his feelings as Daniel reeled in confusion.
"Can't...can't block it out..."
Jack moved to support his friend, not knowing if the contact would make things worse; only knowing that Daniel needed to feel reassured...he needed Daniel to feel it.
Waves of fear...comfort...all jumbled together...Jack...gotta hold it together... for Jack...don't leave me alone again...
In the confusion of their intermingled thoughts, Jack realized that things were going both ways...
God...Danny...not alone...never again...promise...
It seemed to Jack like he could no longer tell where Daniel's thoughts ended and his began. It was like a dam breaking, once begun it couldn't be stopped. All the large and small thoughts, memories and feelings that made them what they were eddied from one to the other....
* The coverstone fell with a resounding crash as the little boy watched in horror...the sound of their screams forever etched in his memory...A hand struck out in anger...the boy realized that the man didn't want to hear talk of feelings...he never made the same mistake again....A hand struck out...grief had no welcome here...nor did the frightened lonely boy so full of sadness...A hand struck out in anger...the boy/man cursed and left the house that was no longer a home...had not been in a very long time...he would make his own way now....They didn't know what to do with him...send him on...He didn't know how he would survive...just that he would...Isolation...again...it was getting to be a habit...worse yet, he was starting to like it...easier not to try...Determination drove him onward...sheer stubborness...nothing could or would stop him...The search...the need to know...so much....Joy like a golden thing....a promise to be a better father than his own...Happiness was a fleeting thing...people leave you....hurt...don't let them get close...She'd been right...she'd had a feeling about this mission..this is gonna be bad...
Too old...couldn't be right....everything he'd been taught was a lie...they won't listen... The shot...the sound echoed forever...slow motion...it would never be the same again...he'd broken his promise...It was over...they'd never believe him again...he'd failed...A chance...something to end the pain...A chance...probably his last..they've got it all wrong...Who was this runny-nosed kid...doesn't have the sense to come in out of the rain...but he did it when nobody else could....He knows it's a long-shot...he wants this as much as I do....Why?...he barely knew this boy-genius...didn't think he had it in him...why?...more blood on his hands...Wife?...I have a wife...what does she see in me...
I owe him...a lot of things...hope he'll be okay...He looks better than he did two days ago...hope he'll be okay...He looks like he belongs here...happy...still thinking too fast...what have we done...Gone...but not gone...should have done something...he said we'll find them...trust him..What have we gotten ourselves into...Got to stay strong...can't give them a reason to make me quit....Had to make him do it...had to be his choice...looks like he's losing her all over again...Got to...for my friends...but it hurts so much....Gone?...he can't be gone...Help me, Jack...Kid's a mess...how can a smart guy be so dumb...like he hadn't been there himself...God...so sorry ...can't make up for this one...stupid...stupid....Looks like a zombie...what the hell...she was here...baby?...that had to hurt...Gone...again...so sick of people leaving....They can't be gone...they're his kids...his friends...God...not again...not Jack...He should be doing this...not me... Educated...articulate...Jack said that?...He can't be losing it...he's been so strong...
Don't leave me in this place....