DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author(s).
"They are all sooooo dead!"
"Who?"
"The men of SG-1, that's who." Sam growled as she plunged a spoon violently into the mound of chocolate triple fudge ice cream in her bowl.
"Oh. Those men." Janet replied neutrally, savoring a bite of her own chocolate triple fudge ice cream, grateful that the cafeteria was pretty much abandoned this time of day.
"Yes!"
"What did they do?"
"What didn't they do?" Sam glowered at her friend.
"I asked you first." Janet took care to use small words. Sam was really upset, and she didn't want to get into a battle of the multi-syllables.
"They looked at me." Sam practically spit the words as she spoke.
"Why?"
"That damned dress!"
"Oh, the pretty blue..." Janet paused as her friend glared at her. "... nightmare that would've looked nice on someone, not you, of course, say five hundred years ago?"
"Yes. That's the one!"
"Well, at least you didn't look like the Goodyear Blimp in it."
"No, I looked like a, a slave in it. And I was treated like one, too!"
"Ah ha."
"And they dumped me."
"When?" Janet was having trouble buying into that one, not with SG-1.
"They actually left me alone in that, that smelly, stinky, nasty, filthy..."
"I get the picture." 'Ho Boy! Headlines read: Pissed Captain, Dead Colonel.'
"...hovel of a tent, and went to a party! A party, dammit!"
"Where was it?"
"In the men's compound!"
"Well, you couldn't have gone there anyway ... right?" Janet's voice trailed off as Sam looked at her.
"They could have said, no. But NO, they wanted to go. And don't tell me it was for the herbs."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"And they did more than leave me!"
"What?"
"They looked at me."
"You said that."
"No, it was the way they looked at me."
"What about it?"
"They looked at me, like I wasn't a Captain or a Doctor. They looked at me like I was a woman!"
"Sam," Janet responded reasonably, "you are a woman."
"Well, they don't have to look at me like I'm one, damn them."
"Uh..."
"I'm a PhD, and a Captain in the Air Force. They coulda looked at that!"
Janet decided against asking the critical question of 'how', instead settling for an "I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it."
"Right. Like I believe that. And just where were they when that little love-struck twerp kidnapped me, just answer me that?"
"Uh, at the party?"
"Yes, damn it. They were at the party and I was being dragged off to be sold to old Blood and Guts tribesman. And you do not want to know what went on there!"
"Where?" Janet was getting a headache.
"At his compound."
"Who?"
" Turghan. Old Mr. Congeniality himself."
"Sam! You weren't---"
"NO! But don't think he wouldn't have gotten around to trying, I never knew what he was going to do next, or for that matter when."
"But the guys found you, right?"
"Yeah." Sam grudgingly admitted. "We did get away. But then I found out that Nya was to be executed---"
"WHO? WHY?"
"His daughter. She'd run off to meet the little twerp, Abu."
"When?"
"After I told her to."
"Sam!"
"I know, but I didn't think she'd get caught!"
"What!"
"Yeah, grabbed and dragged back to daddy-dearest like a sack of potatoes. No wait. A sack of potatoes would probably have been worth more to him."
"That's awful! What happened next?"
"Well, Turghan wouldn't listen to reason, because of the old laws. Thank God, Migual..."
"Who?"
"Sorry, Abu's father. Anyhow, thank God he had some sense. He figured out that if Turghan was defeated in hand-to-hand combat, then the victor could save Nya. Old laws, you see."
Janet nodded in understanding. "I see. So the colonel ... beat ... Turghan... why are you staring at me?"
"What makes you think the colonel fought him?"
"Oh, so Teal'c..."
"Janet!"
"Well, it certainly wasn't Daniel so that leaves ... oh my God. SAM! You could have been killed!"
"Well, duh! But I fooled them all. I won!"
"I'm sure the natives were quite surprised."
"So were they."
"Who?"
"The men!"
"As in..."
"Ah ha. SG-1. Those men. Do you know the Colonel actually fingered the trigger of his rifle? He doesn't think I saw, but..."
"I'm sure he would've done the same for any member of his team." Janet responded in a conciliatory voice. Her eye caught a movement in the doorway, and she subtly shook her head.
"Right."
Jack O'Neill ducked back out of the doorway and faced Daniel and Teal'c, motioning them to follow him down the hall. Daniel looked concerned. "She's still mad?"
Jack nodded, remembering Janet's warning nod. "From the amount of chocolate ice cream in that bowl, I'd say that could be the understatement of the century."
"I do not understand, O'Neill, why is Captain Carter upset?"
"She's a scientist."
"Jack!"
"I see."
"What are we going to do, Jack?"
"Give her some time, I guess."
"I think we should apologize." Daniel pressed the button for the elevator as he spoke.
"For crying out loud, Daniel, apologize for what?"
He stepped into the elevator and turned to look at the others, blushing slightly. "I don't know."
Jack glared at him for a moment, then said. "Well, we could get her a card."
"What is a 'card'?" Teal'c looked puzzled as he joined Daniel in the elevator.
"A card is like a note to tell someone something special." Daniel explained. "You know, Jack. That's not a bad idea. What kind of card?"
Jack followed his team in, and pressed the top floor button. "Oh, I don't know. How about something that tells her how really great she looked in that blue dress?"