Author's Notes: Got the idea when I was chopping some onions to make some soup. *sigh* I bet Qui-Gon's a lot better than me! He's probably a Master chef too!
DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
Tears streamed down Darth Maul's cheeks, his eyes burning. He shut them tightly and wiped pale yellow tears away as he grabbed onto the bench, his vision blurred, unable to stop the agonizing pain. "Master, please ..." he gasped. "I can't do this..."
Darth Sidious growled as he pushed his apprentice aside, grabbed the knife and proceeded to chop up the remainder of the onions.
A long time ago, in a kitchen far, far away ...
"We don't have much time," Sidious snapped. "He'll be here within two hours."
"I know that," Maul hissed. "You've reminded me three times already. I don't see the bloody point, to be honest. Why don't we just lightsaber him and be done with it?"
Sidious glared at his protégé. "Because, My impatient apprentice, then the Jedi will become aware of our existence. We can't allow that - not yet."
Maul folded his arms and scowled. "Why him? Why not Yoda? He's their leader."
"Because my friend, Yoda isn't our problem. I sense this one will spell trouble for us ... So hurry up and help me prepare his last supper ..."
Maul grinned. "With pleasure, my Master."
Darth Sidious began to lightly saute the onions while Maul began placing the chopped Alderaanian vegetables into the boiling pot.
Darth Maul shuddered, remembering the last time he tried to cook, his Master had forced him to eat his hideous mistakes.
"Are you sure we shouldn't throw in some chopped Bantha?" he asked.
"He's vegetarian."
The Sith apprentice snorted. "Typical."
"I'm afraid you haven't been invited, young Padawan."
Obi-Wan looked hurt.
Qui-Gon smiled. "The Senator wants to discuss the future of the Republic."
"That should involve all the Jedi," Obi-Wan protested.
"Yes, but I sense there's something more, something more private, perhaps."
Obi-Wan nodded, still not entirely convinced. "Master," he started, "be careful ... I'm not sure, but I sense something amiss ..."
Qui-Gon smiled again. "Are you sure it isn't because you feel left out?"
Obi-Wan gave a smile. "No, it's something more. I can't quite put my finger on it."
Qui-Gon smiled. "I don't sense any danger, but I'll keep a lookout ... and I'll bring you some dessert."
Obi-Wan loved how Qui-Gon could always make him smile. "Thank you, Master. I hope there's something chocolate."
Qui-Gon smiled as he boarded the cloud car. Obi-Wan watched his Master's transport as it joined the others in Corescant's airborne traffic stream, still a little upset about not being invited, as though he was being treated like a child and he didn't look forward to eating last night's leftovers. Qui-Gon was a much better chef than he, though he knew there were starving people in the galaxy who would die for even his cooking, though still he couldn't help, but dream about what extravagant delicacies Qui-Gon would be sampling as he discussed the Republic's future with Senator Palpatine.
"You got the poison, I take it?" Darth Sidious said.
"Of course," Maul replied with a sadistic smile.
"Just make sure my meal is nowhere near the Jedi's when you put that stuff on ..." Sidious watched the boiling pot. "Never overcook vegetables and not too much salt," he cautioned.
"I know, I know ..." Maul grumbled and continued to help his Master prepare the meals.
Exposing a Jedi to Darth Maul's cooking was something even Darth Sidious wouldn't do.
Maul began to arrange the prepared food on plates and looked quite proud of his assembly. He separated his Master's plate, and gleefully began sprinkling the lethal poison all over the Jedi's portion, mixing it in with the steaming vegetables, being extremely careful not to get one black granule of the noxious substance near him. Sidious smiled at his apprentice's sadism.
A bing told Darth Maul the pot of Tatooinian Desert rice was ready. With a wooden spoon, he stirred the steaming aromatic pale yellow grains and smiled as he quickly dipped his fingers in, scooping up some.
"No nibbling!" Sidious snapped, almost causing Maul to choke.
"Just testing," he said quickly. "The rice is cooked."
Maul reached out for the ceramic pot, to take it to the table and hissed a virulent Sith curse as he forgot to use the towel. Much to Maul's embarrassment, his Master didn't look impressed, as he turned to fuss with the dinner table setting. Maul scowled as he rubbed his sore hand and while his Master wans't looking, grabbed the spoon and took a rather large gulp of the rice. This happened to be one of the few vegetarian dishes he did rather like, as he grabbed a towel and took the pot to the centre of the table.
"It's not like the Jedi's going to eat it all," Darth Sidious said with a smile. "You can have some when you return."
Poodoo. Maul thought. The rice'll be cold by then. It just wasn't as authentic reheated.
Darth Sidious had done his homework, preparing only dishes he knew were among his guest's favorites, including beverages.
Maul poured a glass of warm lightly spiced Bantha milk for the Jedi, his face twisting as he did so. How anyone could drink this vile stuff was beyond him. The very stench of it made him want to vomit.
The Sith Master left to change as Darth Maul left aboard his shuttlecraft, bored as he flew around space. He knew he couldn't be there when the Jedi came, should he be sensed. His Master had mastered mind blockages and had been around Jedi before, as Palpatine, of course, no one suspecting a thing. The Sith Lord decided to meditate, levitating his body in a horizontal position, relaxing, calming, however Maul didn't feel relaxed. He realised what was bothering him. He wanted to be there - to see the Jedi gasp for breath as the poison took effect, burning him ... To see the excruciating pain in his pleading teary eyes, as he fell to the floor, screaming, clutching his stomach, in absolute agony, as he died ... slowly. This poison wasn't renowned for its subtlety.
Maul's mouth curved up into a cruel smile. At least he could imagine it.
Senator Palpatine greeted his guest with a smile, which Qui-Gon Jinn returned. "It is a pleasure, Senator."
"The pleasure is mine," Palpatine said, not far from the truth, considering what he had in store for the Jedi. "Thank you for coming on such short notice."
"How could I refuse?"
Palpatine smiled again as he lead the unsuspecting Jedi Knight inside.
He and Qui-Gon sat down at the dinner setting.
"Smells lovely," Qui-Gon said.
Palpatine smiled. "Well, why don't we eat first, then we can discuss business?"
"Fine with me," the Jedi Master said.
Palpatine kept his mind blocks firmly in place, the Jedi, not suspecting a thing.
The Sith Lord took the lid from the rice. "Would you like some?"
"Tatooinian Desert rice," Qui-Gon said, impressed at the rare dish. "You shouldn't have."
"No trouble," Palpatine said, pleasantly as he dished some up, first for his guest and then for himself.
"Thank you." Qui-Gon Jinn mixed the rice in with his vegetables.
The two began to eat, Palpatine keeping a corner eye on the Jedi.
He feigned concern when he saw Qui-Gon cough and place his hand on his throat.
The Jedi Master swallowed. "Spicy," he said and continued to eat.
Maybe the poison took a while, Sidious/Palpatine thought as he continued to eat. "I'm sorry if it's too spicy for you," he said. "I'll reprimand the chef."
"No, no that's not necessary," Qui-Gon said. "It's really quite ... nice." The Jedi dished up some more rice and took a large sip of his thick warm Bantha milk, smiling as he swallowed the sweet, creamy liquid.
Palpatine's patience was starting to wear thin as he noticed Qui-Gon had almost finished his meal.
"Would you like some more rice?" he asked, keeping his anger in check.
"No thanks," Qui-Gon said.
"I ... I'm terribly sorry ..." Palpatine said, looking embarrassed. "The chef ... failed to prepare a suitable desert..."
Qui-Gon smiled. "That's all right. I don't think I could eat another thing."
"Again, I apologise," Palpatine said, mock apologetically.
He sensed Qui-Gon wasn't feeling ill in the slightest. Surely the poison should have taken effect by now? Palpatine/Sidious sensed Qui-Gon hadn't sensed anything amiss ... So what had gone wrong? He hadn't exactly prepared the next part although Qui-Gon would sense something if he didn't start discussing what the Jedi Master thought he had come here to discuss. Palpatine poured some water from the jug in two glasses and handed one to Qui-Gon.
"It seems the Republic is lacking compassion and reason," he said, playing on the Jedi's sympathies.
Qui-Gon nodded sadly. "Yes, sad though it is," he said, taking a sip of his slightly chilled Naboo spring water.
"I believe the problem lies with the Senate," Palpatine said. "They've become too complex and bureaucratic. The ordinary person seems to have been left in the wake of what they call progress."
Qui-Gon Jinn nodded in agreement.
"I plan to speak with Chancellor Valorum on the matter." Palpatine looked as though he cared.
"The Chancellor's an understanding and reasonable person," Qui-Gon said. "I wish you well in your endeavour." He finished his glass of crystal clear water.
Palpatine smiled. "This is where you come in," he said. "The Jedi are the guardians of peace and justice in our Republic." He still sensed Qui-Gon wasn't even starting to feel off color and started to wonder what poison Maul used or of he had used enough of the stuff, however he shielded those thoughts from his Jedi guest. "I may need the Jedis help."
Qui-Gon nodded. "The Jedi will be happy to assist you, Senator, though I'm curious as to why you haven't spoken to the Council on the matter."
Qui-Gon siped his now cool Bantha milk.
Palpatine smiled. "Forgive me, Master Jinn, but I wanted to speak to you in person. You seem less ... restrictive than the Jedi Council."
Qui-Gon smiled. "So they keep telling me." He finished his milk. "I'll speak to them. I'm sure they'll be interested in your views. I agree something must be done before things get any worse than they have become."
"Yes." Palpatine agreed. Something must be done, though not quite in the way the Jedi thought.
Palpatine bid his guest farewell.
"Thank you for the meal, Senator," Qui-Gon said.
"Think nothing of it, Master Qui-Gon. Thank you for coming."
"I look forward to hearing of your progress," Qui-Gon smiled, as he boarded his craft, Palpatine sensing the Jedi was as well as could be.
Mock politely he waited until Qui-Gon's transport had left before stomping inside, pulling the table cloth out from under the setting in a rage, making a mess, before changing clothing again, donning his thick, black cape.
His Master's foul mood was the first thing Darth Maul sensed when he returned. It hadn't worked.
"He carried on as if nothing happened," Sidious hissed. "We're lucky he didn't sense anything amiss. What the hell did you use?"
Maul looked confused. "I put enough in to kill an entire House of Hutts..." He produced the cylinder.
Darth Sidious eyed it, peered inside and sniffed, then sneezed. "I don't believe this!!!" he yelled, beyond furious.
Maul's face fell. "Oh ... You mean it isn't lethal to humans?"
"NO!!! ..." Sidious screamed, then sneezed again. "Couldn't you have at least got cyanide?"
"Cyanide? That's delicious ... Especially on chocolate-"
Darth Sidious' burning glare stopped him mid-sentence.
"Clean up this mess!" he barked.
Maul growled inwardly and began to do as his seething Master ordered. He peered into the rice pot. At least it was still warm.
Sidious snarled, dumped the cylinder's remaining contents on the rice, and stormed off in high dungeon.
Maul scowled grudgingly and began to clear off the table.
"How was it, Master?" Obi-Wan asked.
"He spoke of bringing compassion and reason back to the Republic."
The young Jedi nodded. "Sounds reasonable. But why you?"
"He figured I'd be able to persuade the Council."
Obi-Wan smiled. "He's not wrong there. Compassion is your strong point."
Qui-Gon smiled. "That's why he asked me. I hope all goes well with his plight."
"As do I, Master. It's about time someone did something."
Qui-Gon nodded then paused. "I don't know how to tell you this, Padawan, ... but there was no desert..."
Obi-Wan feigned shock. "I thought I sensed a disturbance in the Force." Both Jedi laughed. "So how was dinner?"
"Terrible," Qui-Gon said. "Far too much pepper."