DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
The Tatoonine night fell hard and cold upon those that often found themselves in the elements. The normally warm sands, known throughout the outer rim for their ability to burn the skin, would soon cool, creating soothing feelings. Gentle breezes swept across the vast desert, created from the planet’s rotation and the heat of the day. The winds were not so powerful that they blew sand, but rather just enough to spark the fire that burned in the center of a group of travelers. Most slept. The few that remained awake were wrapped in their cloaks, dark brown in contrast to the ivory of the sand. The small gathering sat to one side of the campsite, talking in low tones.
A sole man moved across the dunes to a sleeping woman bundled in a dark brown-black cloak. He pulled the material around her before leaning down and brushing his fingers against her throat. The girl sighed in her sleep until consciousness touched her mind and she jolted awake. “What? Where am I?”
“Tatoonine.” Qui-Gon answered quietly, running his hand down her face. “We landed several hours ago.” He sighed as the girl’s eyes narrowed and then opened more widely. “You have slept since we left Naboo. We did not awaken you; sleep was needed for your healing.” Padme nodded, moving her hands to her ribs and touched with gentle pushes the previously wounded area.
“They are healed, I think.” Her teacher’s voice rumbled in the darkness. By the light of the fire, he drew back the material of his cloak and her tunic to see the pink of new skin across her rib cage. He laid his hand across the area with gentleness. “Practically new, though at what price to your strength is a hard question to ask. How do you feel?”
“Still weak, Master.” She smiled gently. “Thank you for your help.” She added, curling her hand on his on her torso.
Qui-Gon hung his head with acknowledgment. He removed his hand from hers to sit back on his heels. “There are matters that you are needed for, Padme. Are you rested enough to attend to them?”
“What matters?” she asked, quietly, narrowing her eyes. The Jedi remained quiet as he sat before her, encouraging her to find the answers for herself. With a sigh, she moved her hands to his arms and grasped them below the elbow. Her brow furrowed with concentration as she razed herself slightly.
She was quiet as the thoughts came to her. “Decisions have been made. Plans completed. A three-fold front has been created. Mace will attend to the Temple occurrence, traveling to Alderaan and remaining under Bail’s protection. Yoda is to remain here.” she moved her hands to his upper arms. “Move into the desert, that is what he has planned. He will work on a central system of worship and of gathering for other Jedi as they come. And you…you are to travel to a space port and construct a network of communication for those remaining outstanding.”
“What else, young one.” He asked with his eyes closed. “Delve deeper.”
Her hands drew back from him as if burned and a light of annoyance shone in her eyes. “You wish me to attend a meeting of Jedi. You want me to plead the case of my skills before them for training.” She sighed with impatience. “Qui-Gon, a promise was made to my father. No amount of your will, nor mine will affect this outcome.”
A brief smile of knowledge crossed the Jedi’s lips before he kissed the hand that landed on his. “This is not a question of my will, Padme. A promise was made, true, and it must be upheld until it is terminated. Mace is one of the supporters of your training. Both he and I feel that you should be trained to decrease the possibility of your seduction to the dark side. They will not be as mindful of your father’s wishes as we are.”
Padme rested back against his cloak with a sigh. “The promise cannot be broken, Master. My father is dead.”
“Aye, that is true, Draca.” Qui-Gon leaned down to pull her on her shoulders until she was in a sitting position. He pulled on the sleeves of his cloak until her arms and legs were covered by its rough material. “Brace is dead, but not gone. The others speak with him now and are awaiting your arrival to decide for or against the decision of your training.”
Padme’s body went limp with nonbelief at the mention of her father in a current gathering. Qui-Gon smiled knowingly and bent to get his arms under her body. As he rose to his height, she slipped her arms around his neck with disinterest. “My father?”
Qui-Gon ceased to walk and looked at the woman’s small upturned face as she gazed to him. “He has returned through the Force, Padme. Usually a Jedi can do so upon completion of his or her trials, almost as a natural occurrence. Yoda and Mace and I have had to help your father return, as his training was not completed. But returned he has, his luminous form taking on the memory of his corporeal body. Mace and he are discussing your training, what has occurred so far and what has been sensed in your destiny. Your father wants your input.”
“Why did you not wake me sooner?” Padme asked as he began to move again.
“You have had to endure several tests to your strength and your sanity in the last cycle. We felt that your involvement earlier on would only serve to weaken you more.” Qui-Gon shifted his arms as he rose over a dune. “We thought it for the best.”
“You Jedi assume too much.” She stated with annoyance. “He is my father. And no amount of draining of my strength would interfere with my interactions with him.”
“Watch your sharp tongue, Draca.” He admonished, closing the distance to the small gathering of Jedi.
“Yes, Master.” She whispered, her eyes at last falling on her father’s surreal, shimmering form. Qui-Gon entered into the ring of Jedi and lowered the girl to the sand with gentle ease. Padme remained in a seated position with difficulty, but kept her eyes on Brace Amidala.
In the flickering light of the fire, Brace’s form appeared washed out. His hair was still dark and wavy, falling slightly below his ears. He wore the cloak that Padme remembered from many training sessions. His skin was pasty white, and his image seemed to have a glancing hold on reality at the moment. But Brace Amidala was as he had been in life, and Padme found herself close to tears with the longing that she felt for the old times. “Father.” She whispered half in awe and half in pain.
“What a joy it is, Padme.” Brace answered quietly. “To see you again. You have grown much.”
Padme smiled gently, her gaze never faltering. “Not very much, Father, Jaclin still has maintained her height over me. But it is good to see you, too. I never thought that…”
“I have watched over you.” Her father interrupted. “I have been with you always. Never fear in that, I will always be with you until you join me.”
A tear fell from her eye as she blinked in understanding. “You wanted to ask for my input here.”
Brace smiled at her daughter’s understanding of the tediousness of the task of maintaining his form for a long time and at the essence of time. “Yes, Padme, my former master has called upon me for the removal of the weight of a promise that was made to me by him when you were born. He states, as does Qui-Gon Jinn behind you, that training you for the Order is currently the only option that they have to insure your protection.”
“They fear the Dark Side and the Sith will have an influence over me, Father.” Padme answered quietly, hanging her head. “I understand the need to continue the training, as the further into the Light that I travel, the less that darkness will affect me. They think me at a crossroads. They are wiser in this area than I could try to be and will defer to their wisdom in the matter. If they feel that training will protect me, then so be it.”
“Is this what you want, flower?” Brace’s form glimmered as an emotion passed through his facial features. “Regardless of what their wisdom tells them, I would not remove this from Mace if it is not what you want.”
Padme remained quiet, prostrate on the ground. Slowly, her eyes raised to her father with a light of understanding burning in them. “Yes, Father. It is what I want. The Jedi way is the code that you raised me with and for, and I not only understand it, but also want to strive and aspire to it. It is all that I know.” Behind her, Qui-Gon nodded his head low and sighed with relief.
Brace was quiet, staring at his daughter with love and longing. “Then so be it, Padme. Mace,” he called to his former master. “I remove you from this promise. Take her into the order and train her as you see fit. Hone her skills.”
“I will.” Mace answered solemnly. “It is the only way, Brace.”
Amidala was silent as Padme lifted her head fully to face her father. “I will complete my training, Father.”
Brace’s form shimmered and began to dim. With regret he called to his daughter. “I must go, Padme. But I will see you another time. Regardless of what occurs in your future, daughter, know that I love you. Keep that in your heart and it will never lead you astray.” The last portion of the man’ s sentence was dimming much the same as his form until all that remained was the blackness of the desert night. The girl was quiet as the Jedi around her took a deep breath in unison. Their complete energy had been used to draw the man into their presence and a time of recovery was in order. She remained peacefully seated until the Jedi began to move. With great difficulty, the girl rose to her feet. Mace crossed the small area to lay a hand on her arm. “Padme. A decision will be made soon about your acceptance and your apprenticeship. Truth be told, you will know the answer by daybreak.” He smiled fondly at the girl and sighed. “It was good to see your father again.” Padme returned the smile and nodded as the Jedi moved away. Knowing that her presence was not welcome at that point as decisions would be made; she turned gently on the balls of her feet to meet the eyes of Qui-Gon as he stood across the circle.
“A promise is broken, Master Jedi, and another is given.” She stated calmly. As her mentor remained quiet, she turned her face to the rising of the three moons of the planet in the east sky. “You will say that it is the circle of life, and I will say that it is not a circle, but a winding of a path.” She began to move away form the circle with deliberate steps.
Obi-Wan moved to her side, extending an arm to catch her as one of her feet missed a mark and she teetered. A gentle smile moved across her lips as she touched his face in thanks. He returned the move with a smile of his own, nodding knowingly. “I said that a time would come for mourning, Padme.”
“I know, Ben, I know.” Her hands fell to his with a grin. “Or should I say Sir Knight. Congratulations. You deserve it.”
Obi-Wan gave the girl a squeeze on the shoulder with affection. “Due to your exhaustive efforts to have me train at all times with you, Padme, that is the reason that I attained this.” Seeing that the girl was moving back towards the camp, he tilted his head in that direction. “Do you need help?”
“No.” she answered lowly. When her friend continued to look at her, she smiled reassuringly. “I am fine, Obi-Wan, and you have a meeting to attend. Another time, no doubt when I have reduced myself to rubble practicing.”
Obi-Wan chuckled, moving back towards the group with a quick pace. As he passed his old master, he stopped to stand shoulder to shoulder with him. He followed the elder Jedi’s gaze after the girl, turning to look at Qui-Gon with a sigh. “She is healing, Qui-Gon.”
“It is the spiritual part that I fear for, young Knight, not her physical body. She is raw tonight, and trying to hide it, I fear.” Qui-Gon’s hand swept to his tunic belt, resting there momentarily. “Master Yoda,” he called, turning on his feet.
Yoda frowned and nodded his acquiescence with quickness. “Know of your wishes, I do, Master Qui-Gon. And speak I will for you. Do as you feel you must.”
“Thank you.” He answered, hanging his head low in respect as he turned to follow Padme. Mace intercepted the man as he moved past him. Qui-Gon nodded to his friend, reaching out a hand to clasp his. “I will respect whatever the decision is on who is to train her, Mace. I trust that you will trust the wisdom of the matter and the Force’s plan for it.”
“You know as I do, that Yoda and Ti-Hira and I will vote for her acceptance. That is not the issue. It is that of who will accept her as a Padawan. As a female, she should receive training from one of her own sex. The only two female Masters able to take a Padawan are currently unaccounted for.”
“And might possibly be lost completely, old friend.” Qui-Gon added. His eyes were sad as he made contact with the man again. “It is a time of flux and danger. And we must strive to keep our minds focused on that which we able to deal with, Mace. My advise, although not a member of the council, is to hold Padme to that which we already have to offer her. It might not be as it was originally dictated, but desperate times call for desperate means. Chose from those that we know of that can train her.”
Yoda swept his stick impatiently at the sand with a sigh. “Enough talk, Jedi. The girl shall decide.”
“That is unheard of.” Obi-Wan interjected with force. “For a Padawan to chose the Master…”
“Unheard of, young Knight, no.” Qui-Gon stated, nodding to his friend. “But it has been done before, for those that are availed of many choices.” He turned to nod to Mace with a sorrowful look on his face. “A choice that she will be unable to make this night, Windu.” With little agitation, he turned to walk over the nearby dune after his indebted queen.
Padme sat at the crux of a dune, her face turned to the rise of the moons of the planet, large and looming in the eastern sky. Her face was a mask of pain, waiting eagerly to crack to release tears that would cleanse her. As Qui-Gon approached her from behind, he could see her hair untied and flowing about her back, meshing with his cloak. She shook her head as he neared, indicating the want of being alone. “Jedi, I would prefer to be alone.”
“You are never alone, young Padawan.” He answered, standing two meters behind her.
She sighed with relief. “They have decided then. I will be trained in full?”
“They have decided that you will be trained, yes.” He returned, “But there is the question as to who will train you. Yoda has put forth that you will choose your Master.”
“An unexpected honor.” She whispered, still sitting with her back to him.
“An unexpected burden.” He replied, nearing her and sitting gently along side of her. “Padme, look at me.”
The girl sat with her face forward, shaking her head. As he leaned toward her and moved his arms near her face, she raised a hand to stop his intended move. His hands fell back to his lap with a sigh of defeat. She answered to him quietly with feeling. “My family, Master, is gone. I saw their bodies, their limbs asunder. I saw Sio dragged through the halls of the house that he faithfully served. My planet is without a ruler. And I sit on a far away planet talking with a father that died seasons ago. I feel the need to mourn, but…”
She stopped with a shake of her head. Qui-Gon moved next to her with a sigh. “But what, Padme. You feel the need to mourn but feel that it is against what you will be trained to do?”
Padme nodded, as a heavy lock of her hair flew in front of her face. “You exhibit no powerful emotions, Master. Calm is all that I feel from you and around you. I should strive to…”
“Padme.” He whispered, moving lower on the dune so that his face was even with hers. Her brown eyes were wells of tears, threatening to flood. “Someday, you too will learn to release your emotions. In order to release your emotions you need to acknowledge their existence. That is the first step. The second step is to allow yourself to experience them. Once you have the feelings there, the choice is yours as to whether it drives your actions. There are times for emotions such as sorrow, happiness, joy, pain. Never is there time for hate, aggression or fear. But regardless, you must realize their existence, examine the situation and allow the proper actions. We Jedi do feel, Padme, we just choose to exist in peace and meditation instead of acting on our own needs.”
“If I start to mourn…” she warned, biting her lip.
“It will pass. The time to mourn will pass. The pain will always be with you, but time will lessen the bite.” His hand cupped her chin gently. “None can take it from you, Padme. Even I cannot.”
A lone tear fell from her eye as she nodded. She sighed quietly, gazing over his shoulder. The Jedi was quiet as he removed his hand and returned to his place along side of her. He stretched out his long legs and leaned back on his arms to stare at the starred sky. Silence became their friend, stretching between them in comfortable structure. “I used to dream, Qui-Gon.” Padme began in low tones, breathless in the need to cry. “I used to dream of my adulthood, of what would become of me when I became my own. It was always a clear dream, a strong one, but no mention was made sorrow, of decisions that would weigh on me. With increased freedom to command your own way comes the increase of the weight of choices and the threat of regret.”
“It is called maturity, young one.” Qui-Gon answered. “All of us have had to encounter it.”
Padme hung her head. “I am tired.”
“Then sleep.” Her mentor reached for the cloak around her shoulder, easing it from its placement. He spread it out behind her. She turned her head to eye her friend and teacher with a half smile that disappeared quickly. Qui-Gon nodded, helping her to lay back, lending support as her muscles tightened. “Rest yourself.”
“Here, Master Jedi?” she asked as her body sank into the sand.
“I shall remain with you.” He whispered gently, stroking her face. “Just relax, let your feelings come.”
Padme nodded, smiling at her teacher. The man moved to lay next to her, staring at the sky as it hung low over them. A short time later, the Jedi felt the girl’s shoulders heave with a sob. He turned on his side to look at her with sorrow. Slowly he eased a hand to her shoulder, squeezing gently with a sigh. “Let it go, Padme, touch your loved ones in the Force. They will be with you always.”
“I know.” She whispered drawing a deep breath with a wince. Tears fell freely, coursing down her face. “I can feel them, but I feel the emptiness where they existed in this life.”
Qui-Gon sighed, drawing back from the woman with a frown and removing his sabre belt. With a gentleness rare to a man his size, he bundled the girl to him, lying back on the sand with a stifled groan. Padme rested her head against his shoulder, running her hands across his chest. Her tears still ran, cleansing her face and neck. “I should have been with them, Qui-Gon.”
“And you would have died also, Padme, you must see that.” Her teacher returned, pulling the girl closer to his chest. “The Naboo line would have ended, young one, and another Jedi hopeful would have perished.” At the girl ’s nod, he lowered his lips to her head. “And you would not have seen Obi-Wan’s conveyance of his title. I would be without my student. All things occur for a reason, Padme, and no regrets are accepted for bending to the Force’s will in your life.”
“Jedi hopeful, Qui-Gon,” she said, quietly against his chest. “An exaggeration, sir.”
“No. Merely the truth. Not one of the masters here tonight can heal with your level of competence or can meditate as easily. You have a strength to you that only those most attuned to the Force have. You are young, stubborn and sharp tongued, but you do have great promise.”
Padme sighed, ruffling the material of his tunic. “But I must chose who is to train me. That is not an easy decision, Qui-Gon. And I am well past the age of being taken as a Padawan.”
“And, in direct contradiction to the council and our code, I trained you as such for the past season. Your father also completed a long and strong bout of training when you were young. At this point, it will simply be a honing of your skills and not a teaching role that your Master will have to complete. Besides, you fight with the skills of your father, known in the Academy as a terrific warrior.”
“Then I must chose. Though with four of you to choose from, the choice is a limited one. I must be where I am the greatest help to the plans that are made. Each of you has your talents and strengths.” Padme rolled onto her back with a sigh of pain for her ribs and stared at the sky. “But I feel the most comfortable with you. And remaining here on Tatoonine to help in the communications area might be the best decision.”
Qui-Gon was silent for a moment, before he spoke lowly with feeling. “I might be the last choice you should consider, Padme.”
“Why, Master, you are considered one of the best for conveying the ability to be one with the Living Force. Obi-Wan told me often that your name was brought up in the Academy as an example.”
“I feel that I could jepordize your training due to other matters, Padme.”
The girl turned her head to look at her Master with a questioning gaze. “What?”
Qui-Gon remained flat on his back as he thought and communed with the Force. As the girl next to him had done a season and a half before, he strove to consider the reprecussions of telling her about his feelings for her and its affect on her decision making. Several points were weighed in favor and against. For one, his total honesty in the matter at this time would not only alert her to his emotions toward her, but also remove the problem of those feelings as she would go to another Jedi for training. But if he did tell her the truth and she truly felt that the Force dictated that he was the one to train her, he would be inadvertently interfere with the plan that the Force held for her life. His current first instinct was to hide his feelings from her, knowing inherently that they were his alone and not returned. The harm would be allowing her to remain with him and then releasing his emotions and acting on them. It was, he decided suddenly, like his trials all over again. She was a major testing ground of his faith in the Force, his ability to remain clear of purpose and to remain in control of his emotions. It was not her problem, but rather his. One that last thought, he relaxed and shook his head. “It is not important, Padawan. Make your choice, rely on your feelings, and be at peace.”
Padme nodded gently, relaxing against his flank for warmth in the cool desert night. “In the sunrise, Master Jedi.”
He nodded, resting his head back against the sand, rubbing his hand on her shoulder. In the depth of his heart, hidden behind years of training, denial and submission to the Living Force, he felt a warmth grow at her innocent acceptance of his embrace. He closed his eyes with a smile graced on his lips and fell into graceful sleep.