DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
The clutter around the junkyard at Watto’s was incredible. It reminded Obi-Wan of one of the many mazes that he had had to complete as a student in the Jedi Academy. He had many none-too-friendly memories of being in the medical wing after he did not complete the turns and the course in enough time and was hurt do to it. He listened carefully to the sound of hunks of plasma engines being moved across the ground and followed the noise to see his friend heaving a large piece of metal onto a ramp. Two smaller droids grasped the material and moved it farther up into the hold of the small carrier. Qui-Gon turned to lift another very heavy piece of metal, his brown hair flying outwards with the force of the turn.
The elder Jedi was shirtless, clad only in a pair of his brown Jedi pants. His chest, back and arms glistened with sweat and his hair was tied back more than usual. He stopped for a second to breathe deeply before returning to the task at hand. Sensing his friend behind him, Qui-Gon turned to squint in the morning sun.
"Ben, what brings you here? Looking for parts?"
"No." Obi-Wan drew near with a smile. "Watto is out right now. He isn’t here. I just stopped by on the way to work to ask you what is wrong."
Qui-Gon bent to pick up two power packs and threw them to the droids who caught them and walked them inside. "What are you talking about, Obi-Wan?" his voice held a tone that the younger man had associated for years with displeasure.
Ben laid a hand on the man’s arm to stop him from moving. "Yes, you do. Both Padme and I could feel your discomfort this morning when you were leaving. It was pretty unsettling. You closed yourself off from the both of us and we couldn’t read or feel what was going on. It must be weighing on you heavily, whatever it is."
Qui-Gon sighed, moving to his shirt to wipe his brow. "Just thoughts, Ben. Nothing that is of any consequence." Seeing Obi-Wan’s look of nonbelief, he turned away. "It has nothing to do with our plans here, something more personal."
Ben nodded, turning his head to watch for Watto. "It’s Padme."
Qui-Gon shut off his brain as much as he could as he schooled his face. "Ben…" he warned.
"I haven’t missed the looks, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan’s voice was low and friendly. "It is almost as if you are afraid of her at times. She is simply a woman that is your Padawan. A friend. Your feelings for her…"
"Enough, Knight." Qui-Gon roared, his back turned to his friend.
Obi-Wan stopped talking out of shock for a moment. His old mentor’s voice had never rose to him in anger. It took him a minute to realize that it was pain and not anger. "What are your feelings for her?"
"Ben, please…"
"You cannot maintain this level of shielding on your mind and your heart, Master." Obi-Wan reverted to his old way of addressing the elder Jedi. "You are shutting her out. And as a Padawan she needs to have those channels opened. One of the first things taught is for the student to have his/her mind open for the master so that interaction can take place. The same is said of the master; I know that your mind was always open to mine, especially in times of trouble. Padme told me yesterday that she has not been able to connect with you for several days, if not a half of a lunar cycle. That is not good. It could endanger the both of you."
Qui-Gon leaned forward on the pile of parts in front of him with a frown. He flexed his arm muscles as he saw the droids return to the top of the ramp. His eyes closed momentarily. "If I open my mind, Obi-Wan, it could harm us both as well. It is better if we maintain in this way. It will only be a few lunar cycles until most of the Jedi are here and we can remove from this place. Mace has sent word that inquires are going well, and the protection on Alderaan is still going strong. Master Yoda is safe. This particular situation will be finished relatively soon."
Ben strode the slim aisle with caged power. Qui-Gon could feel the frustration coming off of the man in waves. He turned as the younger Jedi approached him. "Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan grimaced seeing the stone expression on his friend’s face. "Regardless of situation, you must open yourself. It is dictated in the code for a reason."
"I know." Qui-Gon sighed. "I know, Ben." Quietly he lowered his head, reaching into his mind for the proper words to say. "Once we regroup with the other Jedi in a controlled situation, I will ask that Padme be transferred to another master to complete her training."
"What!" Ben nearly shouted, before remembering to contain his surprise. "What did you say?"
"She needs another to fully train her. I am incapable of completing the job."
"Padme chose you, and you accepted. You knew of her talents and her abilities. You readily stood in front of us and accepted the mantle of her master. That is like a solemn oath to you. I was with you long enough to know that. And you are more capable…"
"I have a liability, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon gripped the metal in front of him, until the sharp edge dug into his palms drawing blood.
"What are you talking about?" Ben lowered his voice, touching the man’s arm gently.
Qui-Gon watched as one thin rivet of blood crept down the metal casing to fall on the ground. He knew that anything that he said to Obi-Wan would be kept in confidence and that the secret would be safe. He loathed releasing the words, as their voicing would give them life. "I love her." He stated quietly.
Ben stopped his breath for a moment to look at his friend, but before he could answer, the elder began to speak. "I love her, Obi-Wan. It is not something that I expected, nor looked for."
"Loving her is fine, Qui-Gon. You loved me as well." Obi-Wan began with a smile. "You love us as your Padawans, your children. Just because she is female…"
"I do not think of Padme as my daughter." Qui-Gon stated in a low voice. "And there is a certain part of my emotions that directly stems from her being female." His blue eyes pinned Ben. "I cannot let her see my thoughts. They dwell on her too much. I hid my feelings from her in an effort to maintain a relationship with her that was close. I knew that if I let her know, she would have left us, or Force forbid, feel a certain sense of duty to me and remain because of that. Truthfully, I thought that I could control all of these thoughts and feelings; that I could be a master to her. But…"
"Love is powerful, Qui-Gon." Ben sighed. "It can overpower the most noblest of intentions." He stopped talking to look at his friend for a moment. The elder’s hands were clenched, one dripping blood. The normally alert and piercing eyes were closed tightly. "How deep does this emotion run?"
"Deep enough that I never want to lose her." Qui-Gon’s voice was hoarse now. "Deep enough that, if I could, I would ask her to be my life mate. I feel like I awaken every morning just to see her smile. I like that she can spar with me, both with the sabre and with her words, as my equal. For one so young, and a trifle naïve, Padme is exceedingly bright." He screwed his eyes closed tighter with a sigh. "And her body, well… it is enough to keep me awake at night."
Ben closed his eyes in pain for his friend. He knew of Qui-Gon’s order for celibacy, and he knew that this was one of the first times that the man had been in that situation of which he could not escape. In the past, there had been other women, beautiful women who had pursued the Jedi. His tall, broad body, strong- featured face and piercing blue eyes had done much to attract a variety of women. Beyond that, many would succumb to his natural caring and quiet personality partially hidden by his confidence. But Obi-Wan knew that Qui-Gon had avoided them, and the situation that arose from their attentions. He was sure that the man had slipped once or twice, if not more, but had been careful. One night of pleasure, if one were absolutely careful, would not lead to children. His talk of Padme, though, spoke of a long-term commitment. A commitment in a situation such as the one that all three found themselves in could cause even the most careful to falter in intention. The younger man reached out his hand and grasped the other’s with strength. "You should tell her, Qui-Gon, regardless of your orders or what you assume that her feelings are."
A terse laugh emerged from Qui-Gon’s mouth. Ben continued quietly. "Maybe you could look into having a relationship with her. There have been other Padawans and Masters that have had affairs. I always assumed that the policy to the council was on a do not ask, do not tell level. And I know you; you would not endanger her or yourself if at all possible." When Qui-Gon opened his eyes to make contact with his former student, Obi-Wan began again. "I think that if you told her, you would probably find her willing, and happy for it. You have not seen the looks and the smiles that she gives you. Nor have you seen the way that her eyes caress your body when you are not paying attention. She is hurt that you do not share with her, Qui-Gon, she has told me that much."
"And if the council ever found out, Obi-Wan? It would remove my title, and would separate us. I would lose the friendship and the love. Your knowledge of it would harm you also."
"They would not find out from me. I would protect the two of you." Ben stated strongly. "Besides, I think that your training of her would benefit by the truthful acknowledgment of the emotion. There is something else that I know about you, Master; you will train a person into the ground no matter what your feelings are towards him/her. She will not be the exception."
"And your intentions toward her?"
"What intentions?" Ben joked, seeing a grin light his friend’s face. "I love her. But certainly not as strong as you, nor as deep. I think that you will find that Padme thinks of me only as her friend, confident, and brother. I would not let harm come to her, nor she let harm come to me. It is a mutually beneficial relationship. No, I think that this is one woman that you could not brush off to me."
Qui-Gon nodded thoughtfully. After a minute of quiet musing, he smiled. "When did you start to talk with such wisdom and strength?"
"I learned it from you." Ben answered. He turned toward the shop door to see the Toydarian owner flapping on his blue wings toward the two men. "I think that I should go now. I’ll see you tonight."
Qui-Gon watched as his friend moved off toward the street, visible through piles of metal. Avoiding Watto, Qui-Gon continued to load the transport next to him, thinking about what lay ahead.