DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
The Jedi Temple gardens bloomed much as they had since the temple had built. It was a haven of green and glowing life in the midst of a sea of technology and manufactured desolation. Situated on a level of the building that jutted out below the main spires and far above the land below, it was a little oasis in the midst of civilization.
On this day, at this time, the gardens were almost empty. A few Padawans moved through the trees, animatedly talking about the philosophy of life. Qui-Gon accepted their nods and slight bows of respect with a stone face. He let them pass on the small path that he had led Larina down, and then moved the tree branch out of his personal space. His long arm held the branch away so the smaller healer could walk along unhindered.
Qui-Gon continued behind the silent healer, his arms falling to rest comfortably folded across his lower back. He found his eyes followed Larina, and not where his own footfalls were occurring. He watched the glint of the sun along the flame hair that adorned her head, and watched with a slight appreciation, the sway of her hips with each step.
As the couple rounded the corner, a bench became visible in the shade of the branches. The Jedi Master stopped Larina with a hand on her arm and motioned to the bench with his head.
Larina sighed as she sunk onto the cool metal of the bench and looked to Qui-Gon with an air of expectation. Qui-Gon, however, in retaliation, adopted a nonchalant pose. With a heaved breath, Larina stated a quiet answer to the unspoken question between them.
“Master Qui-Gon? I should think that the answer to this question is easy.”
“Is it?” Qui-Gon turned from the inquisitive eyes of the girl and moved across the small glen to stand with his back to her. “And why is that?”
Larina sighed and sat forward. “You have no want of a bond, and I have no need of one.”
“No need,” he echoed, placing his hands on his hips. He appeared to study the tree in front of him. “Do you have a want of one, Larina?”
“A mincing of words, Master Qui-Gon.”
“An impetuous answer, Larina,” he growled.
The woman remained quiet as she watched the Jedi Master reach out and touch one of the lower branches with his finger. The tree was an Iridian native plant; it was very Force sensitive and would actively seek the touch of another being. It was doing so at that moment, perfecting a dance of bark and leaf to touch the Jedi Master’s hand.
Larina felt a prodding in the healer’s bond and she sighed. A non-answer would not be accepted. “The only answer I have is that it is not an option. The question is irrelevant.”
Qui-Gon nodded, but remained quiet.
Larina continued, keeping her head lowered. “We do need to sever this, Master; it is the only option that is open to us.”
“And suffer the pain,” the Jedi Master answered back, his voice low and husky. “I do have the distinct impression that the pain will be greater than anything either of us has dealt with previously.”
“Yes. It is survivable,” Larina answered, raising her head. “It will not kill us.”
“Watching you in pain has never been an option for me,” Qui-Gon answered, tipping his head back to stare at the topmost branches. “Even when you were a child, Larina, I could not stand to see you in pain.”
Larina opened her mouth, only to have the Master hold up his hand for silence. The woman immediately quieted out of training. Qui-Gon grimaced, as he knew that he had adopted the stance as well, out of the depths of his training as she had obeyed out of hers. He continued his voice a shade less harsh. “Do you remember this tree, Larina. It was your favorite when you were but a child.”
The healer leaned back on her hands for a moment and looked at the dancing leaves high above her head. With a smile, she remembered the days of her youth at the Temple coming out to this tree. “I remember the time that you had Xanatos out here…”
He interrupted quietly, “What do you remember of just me?”
Larina closed her eyes, and frowned a little. “I remember one good….my acceptance day of my apprenticeship with my first Master. And I remember…” Larina swallowed, recalling not only the memory, but also the feelings behind it. “When I lost my apprenticeship…”
“I held you here,” Qui-Gon pulled on the branch, watching it bend in perfect balance to his pressure. “And let you just take some strength. You accepted my affection then with open arms and an open heart…what has changed?”
“This is a bond we are discussing, Master Qui-Gon, not a friendly, supportive embrace…” Larina shook her head.
“We are discussing reasons for retaining or disbanding this bond between us. Affection for each other is a definite reason for remaining bonded. It is a basis to support a more intricate relation…”
“Master…” Larina’s face pinkened.
“You make this sound as though you are expecting me to think that this is a sacrifice, a chore, something to be endured.” Qui-Gon turned to look at Larina, as the girl bent her head over. His eyes softened when he gazed.
Larina chewed on her lip. Qui-Gon was masking his emotions with the strength that only a Jedi Master could muster. She could feel next to nothing, except for his noncommittal presence, in her mind. This situation made her ability to make decisions on thoughts harder than usual. “I think it would be, Master Qui-Gon… you have always treated me as child that…”
“You are not a child, Larina.” His eyes roved over her hair as it fell toward the ground.
“…was not a person to consider as a presence. You brought me to the Temple. You have followed me as a teacher would a favored student. You have given me support and friendship, but a bond would require more…we would want more by the sheer nature of the bonding.”
Qui-Gon sighed and crossed the waving grass to sit on the bench with her. “I already do want more, Larina.” Qui-Gon’s voice was low and quiet, but conveyed promise.
Larina’s head came up to look eye the Master with a look of disdain. “Then it has already started. Don’t you see, Master, this would harm our friendship and leave you wishing for less…?”
“I have wished for more before this bonding took place. Granted I never told you, Larina, but it was never an issue previously. I am attracted to you, and it is quite a healthy attraction.”
Larina opened her mouth but ceased to talk as the Master raised his hand to cup her cheek. “I do want you. To fulfill that want would be no chore.” His expressive lips curved in a smile. “Remember the victory dance on Urt five years ago?”
The healer nodded, her chin scraping against the Master’s palm.
Qui-Gon lowered his chin to look her in the eyes directly. “You danced with nearly every man there…and had me aching to be dancing with you too. I wanted to hold you, to keep them from propositioning you…to show you the wonders of your body that you were burning to find then. You lost your virginity that night.”
Larina blushed and lowered her head. Qui-Gon smiled gently. “I wanted to show you that, Larina. I went to bed that night aching, needing…”
A small hand brushed his lips, motioning that she wished for him to stop speaking. “I believe you…about your wants, Master. But you overlook the simple fact that this will be life long. This is often why deeper emotions are encouraged between bond partners. There needs to be something to rely on other then sex…”
“I care for you and about you, Larina…”
“And I love you.”
Qui-Gon took in a breath and looked to the healer. She gazed back at him with a calm expression. Her eyes echoed the truth in her utterance. She continued, holding his eyes in her gentle sights. “I do. I have for quite a few years, Master. I wanted you to be the one to teach me the ways of the body… it is why this bond formed so quickly and strongly on my part. Affection, respect and attraction were only components of the bigger emotion of love. And I know that you do not…it would be unfair to…”
The large thumb swept out to press against her lips stopping them as they opened on the next word. Qui-Gon’s eyes were hooded, allowing the lids to slide down to half-mast over his ice blue eyes. “I am incapable of that emotion, little one. At least in the capacity that you describe. What I have to offer you in this is all that I can give. Friendship, desire…and a healthy understanding…”
“But…”
“I swear to you that I will not develop these feelings for anyone else, Larina. I am, and have been for sometime, incapable of the emotion. But I would rather have a bond with you then be apart from you. Understand that, please. I have been a part of your life for 24 years. I do not wish to stop now. If this is the progression for our relationship to each other that the Force has outlined for us, then I will abide, and without reservations.” Qui-Gon sighed.
“Then you wish to remain bonded?”
The thumb on her lips traced the soft inner skin of the lower lip. Qui-Gon’s eyes followed the movement of his finger with interest. His nod was almost an after thought. “If you can accept what I have brought before you, and if you can understand that this is what I truly wish, then yes.”
“Our lives, Master Qui-Gon. You are agreeing…”
“I am agreeing to be tied to you for my life, yes.”
Larina gasped as Qui-Gon’s thumb increased in pressure, sweeping back and forth across her lips. She struggled to speak, as she felt his desire roll off him in waves, sneaking around the barriers on his emotions that he wore like his cloak. His voice was like scratchy Bantha wool in the next minute. “What do you wish?” he asked. He could feel the rush of his own emotions around his barriers and he felt overwhelmed and uneasy with the massive flow. Even with the Force here, he was unable to completely stem the tide.
“I wish…” Larina’s eyes slid shut as she felt him stroking the side of her face. She bit her lip gently to keep from sighing openly at the caress. This man had been an influence in her life for as long as she could remember. A caretaker, a teacher, a friend, and now… a lover – his presence was everywhere. He had helped to guide and shape her into what she was today, and that only branded her more deeply for him. Her love was strong for him. And to remain his… she sighed.
“I wish to be yours as a bondmate, Qui-Gon Jinn.”
His smile was gentle as he leaned into her and pressed his lips gently against hers.