DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. Shevann, Arcarian pirates, erebus, and the whole alternate universe concept this story takes place in belong to Sharon Nuttycombe. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
He stood outside staring at the night sky. It had been a clear day but now thin clouds were rolling in. He stared at them for a moment as they slid over the stars, hiding and then revealing. He hadn't meant to get thrown out of the club. He'd been having a nice time and felt vaguely angry at having lost control. He patted his pocket for his second cigarette and found it empty. He checked his other pockets, pulling random papers and other sundry items, but it was gone. Even his lighter was missing.
"You smoked them both." Came a voice from behind. "You must not remember."
Obi-Wan turned around and saw Benz was standing there. "And here's your lighter." Benz held it out for Obi-Wan to take. He put it back in its usual pocket. Benz lit two cigarettes and handed one over. "You would have won it anyway." He said.
Obi-Wan took a slow drag and shut his eyes. There were so many thoughts and emotions running through his mind. He wanted to blurt them all out at once and yet he couldn't think of the words to say them with. He wasn't even sure there were words to describe the way he felt. "I get so tired." He said at last.
Benz said nothing and the two of them looked at each other for a long time in silence. Finally Obi-Wan turned away. "I'm going to go, I guess." He said and began walking back to the barracks.
Like all of Shevann's men, Benz carried a sidearm after dark as well. As he watched Obi-Wan's retreating form he had the sudden realization that if he wanted it, he had a clear shot and that in an instant he could put Obi-Wan out of his misery. Benz wasn't sure that Obi-Wan wouldn't have thanked him for it. But he couldn't do it. Obi-Wan had plenty of means of killing himself at his disposal and yet he never took advantage of them, preferring instead to remain in Shevann's service and adapt to his fate. For whatever reason, he was a survivor. It was something Benz couldn't take away from him. He shook the thought from his mind and returned to the warmth and light of the club.
Obi-Wan would have liked nothing more than to simply lay on his bunk, use half the remaining vial that Shevann had given him, and wake up tomorrow in a better mood. But, unfortunately a rather lively card game had started in the barracks so he would have to go elsewhere. He surveyed the spilled contents of his locker sadly. He'd be looking for his things for weeks now. He put it back as well as he could and locked it. Then, taking his heavier coat and the sub-dermal injector from under his pillow, he headed back out into the night.
The beach was more private. Obi-Wan could see the white tops of the waves as they washed ashore and in the distance, the mast of his sailboat pointing into the night sky. He lay back on the rocks for a while and watched the clouds covering and uncovering the stars. He wondered about the dancer. Was she still alive, still dancing, or had the combination of her sex, the alcohol, and the music gotten to the raiders? If he'd wanted to know, he could have found out very quickly. But Obi-Wan didn't want to know.
He got up and walked the rest of the way to his boat. He climbed aboard and slipped his clothes off. Then he walked to the stern where the boat was in deeper water and dove off. The water was chilly and there was a momentary shock as it hit Obi-Wan's skin. But he was warmed from inside from the drugs and the ale and soon he hardly felt the cold. He swam out in the column of moonlight and when the land was a speck and he could just barely hear the club's music echoing over the water, he dove as deep as he could and opened his eyes.
Hundreds of thousands of bioluminescent organisms danced in the current like a vast underwater star field. Obi-Wan could hold his breath for a long time and so he swam among them for several minutes until he had to surface for air. He took deep inhale and dove down again, this time swimming to a further depth, watching the shimmering display rush past his eyes. It was the most beautiful thing on the whole planet, these tiny organisms that lit the ocean at night with their own inner light. They made Obi-Wan feel less lonely, like having a whole universe to himself. After a few more dives, he was starting to feel the cold and so he swam back to the beach and climbed out of the water.
He scrambled back into the boat and shivered on the deck for a few minutes, waiting for some of the water to evaporate in the night air before pulling on his clothes over still damp skin. The cold felt strangely reassuring, reminded him that he was still alive. He pulled the sub-dermal injector from his pocket and loaded half the vial into it. He knew he would use the rest tomorrow and that meant he would have to start saving all over again, but he told himself it was because even if he could get to Coruscant, they wouldn't want him there anyway.
He laid his coat out on the deck of the boat and lay back on it. Then he pressed the injector into his thigh as he had done earlier. For a moment he wondered if maybe half was over doing it, but he pushed the thought from his mind quickly. It didn't matter anymore anyway. He slid the injector back into his pocket and stared at the stars. He listened to the waves hitting the beach. The sound was like the planet breathing and as he imagined this, he let his own breathing slow to match it. Obi-Wan felt the air going in and out of his lungs, and he imagined that it was his soul leaving his body and mingling with the sea. Wanting to leave, but then needing to come back. Like the waves that advanced and retreated on the sand, always restless, never content.
He slowly let his eyes close.
It was his favorite of all the dreams. Obi-Wan rarely dreamed and when he did there was little variety. Most of the time he had nightmares, some of which were worse than others, but he had one good dream and he was dreaming it now.
He was six years old and he'd been given a second chance. He was back on Coruscant and they did want him there. In the dream it was never clear how he'd gotten there or why he was six again, but it didn't matter. He'd lived this life and had been given a second chance. That's what mattered. He could fix his mistakes. He would study hard, but he wouldn't be so driven. He would concentrate more on the living force and not be so eager to prove himself. He wouldn't walk the same path that had brought him here. He would become Qui-Gon Jinn's apprentice.
Night never fell in the dream. It was always day and the sun was always warm. People were nice to him and he always knew where everything was. He smiled. He didn't mind starting over again. Not when it was like this.
Obi-Wan awoke to the sound of shouting instead of waves; the scent of salt air was replaced by the musk of old fear and pain. He opened his eyes and found he was lying on his stomach on the floor of Shevann's office. Confused and still groggy, he looked around. He had been in the boat hadn't he?
He looked up and saw Shevann leaning on his desk, staring down at him balefully.
"What are you doing Obi-Wan?" he asked. It sounded like a rhetorical question so Obi-Wan didn't answer. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, which burned from the salt water he'd been diving in earlier. He ran his fingers through his still damp hair to shake out the sand. "What are you trying to do here?" Shevann asked again.
Obi-Wan shrugged. "Have some privacy?" He asked, not sure what Shevann really wanted from him.
"Privacy? What are you talking about? I find out you're starting fights in the club and then you disappear. We've been looking for you for an hour. Why were you sleeping in your boat?"
"I told you, privacy."
Shevann leaned down towards him. "You don't get privacy." He said, "I needed you and I couldn't find you."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I've had enough tonight Shevann. Just this once, can't I just have a break?"
Shevann pulled him to his feet. "A break? I've been more than generous with you and now you're asking for a break." He pushed Obi-Wan away from him and pointed out the door. "There's a man in the cell there that I'm curious about. He's definitely not a smuggler; in fact I'm not sure why he's here at all. I need you to find out."
"Please Shevann, tomorrow."
"Not tomorrow. Now."
Shevann pushed him out the door and into the hall. Obi-Wan had no choice but to go. He stood outside the door of the cell. This one was locked and had two guards posted meaning it contained a more dangerous prisoner. He shut his eyes for a moment to clear his head and then carefully shielded his mind. Feeling relaxed and ready as he could be, he opened the cell door.
And as he stepped inside and stood face to face with his past, he was glad he had taken that moment to compose himself. This was no ordinary prisoner and now Obi-Wan had a plan.