DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters (Shal-Nyx, K'yllyn, Annah, and Clira) are the creation and property of the author and Caeryn Myer. The storyline and the actual story are the property of the author .
Wandering the halls, his focus meandering in and out of the energy waves of the Temple, Obi-Wan Kenobi was making his eventual way back to his quarters.
For an hour he had been wandering the halls he had grown up in… Now, in the light of new knowledge, they seemed different. Now they held some strange new meaning to him, and that meaning was both a curious and bitter one.
Pausing in front of a window to stare at the ever-flowing traffic of Coruscant, he took a deep breath. ~How is it that this makes perfect sense and yet seems so impossible?~
The hallway didn't offer up any explanation, not that he was surprised. Even the half-whispers of the Jedi that had long since become part of the Force weren't talking to him.
Probably some grand conspiracy to leave his questions unanswered.
Huffing and tucking his hands in his robe, Obi-Wan once again began to walk back to his quarters. He needed sleep; the dreams of the last few nights had been... odd. The dreams were strong, almost prophetic, waking him from his precious rest with their visions of seemingly real happenings: things that had not yet occurred, but very well could.
He paused suddenly... someone else had this ability...
She had.
The woman he had grown up around without knowing who she really was. Without her knowing whom he really was...
His mother.
It still seemed strange to him. This was the woman he had respected as a Jedi from a very young age, the woman who he feared reprimand from when he stole the heart of then Padawan K'yllyn, the woman he felt he had to compete with for the attention of his Master…
But now it all made sense. It all explained in brutal clarity her loyalties, her sensitivities, and her role in the life of him and his Master.
If only he had known.
"If known you had, Obi-Wan, different your life would have been."
Turning and dropping into a bow, Obi-Wan caught the steady gaze of the diminutive Yoda. "My Master, I didn't hear you."
"Of course you did not. Trapped in your thoughts, you are. Questions you have about them, and you?"
He couldn't help but nod. "Yes, my Master. What am I to do? The man who taught me everything I know about being a Jedi died over five years ago and only now do I discover that he was actually my father. There are so many things I would like to have known, so many more insights he could have offered me... "
Yoda sighed. "Broke you did into the records."
"Yes, Master Yoda."
"Found you did the proof?"
"There is no other alternative. K'yllyn and I have cross-referenced as many files as we can find and all the evidence indicates that I was the child."
There was a pause as Yoda lowered his head, his heavy lidded gaze unfocused as he tried to muster a little more dismay in his voice. The boy had hacked into records, sealed ones at that, and here he was, the eldest of the Jedi Council, willing to overlook it. As if it was the young Knight's birthright.
Which, in a way, it was.
"Wondered you have about the dreams."
"Yes." Chewing on his inner lip, Obi-Wan could feel the weight of sleeplessness dragging down on him again. "I was there when they started to torture her... "
"Different circumstance, that was. Under duress, she was already."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "With all due respect, Master, you weren't there, caring for her when she couldn't care for herself. And once K'yllyn returned home, it eased a little, but K'yllyn would come to me needing escape from it all, it was just too much. Those dreams used to wake my moth—- woke her in the night, they were destroying her self-control one shred at a time."
"And fear you do that fate for yourself?"
"Yes, frankly. These are unquiet times, Master; I'm needed. I'm losing sleep already, and its starting to scare K'yllyn. I might know how to handle them if I had been raised by-- "
"Raised you were as a Jedi. Moot point it is to wish for something different. One large family we are, recognising not the heritage of birth families."
"Even in this case?" His voice was dangerously sharp.
Yoda sighed and tapped his cane. "Willing we were to try, but in the end, choices we had not."
Shrugging a shoulder, Obi-Wan dropped to the floor, crossing his legs as he sat down. "I know, I read, but finish the story for me Master Yoda... "
"More important things there are right now. If right you are about the dreams, stop them we need to. Soon."
Running a hand through his hair, wondering suddenly why he hadn't cut it in the last few years, the blonde ends tickling his ears, the Knight nodded, but stopped his response as he heard footfalls coming close, instead saying, "Hello, Anakin."
Bowing and lowering eyes, the teenager couldn't hide the concerned look on his face. "Master, it was getting late, I was wondering where you were. Hello, Master Yoda."
The little Council member quirked a pointed ear. "Leave I will and let you return to your quarters. Get sleep and talk later we will."
Obi-Wan sighed. "I'll take that as a promise, Master. I'd like to have my answers."
"Get them you will, Obi-Wan, get them you will."
Sitting in her workbench chair, trying to keep interest in what she was doing, K'yllyn Myrrdin was not enjoying her evening. It had all begun with the headache that she could only partially get rid of, despite her healing abilities. Then she had gotten word from Obi-Wan that he, once again, had to cancel their dinner together. And finally, she had had the wonderful task of chasing after Irain Al-Dara, her young apprentice. The girl was in the "why?" stage of her learning, and her natural exuberance was keeping the Knight on her toes, something that was becoming difficult to tolerate since K’yllyn had begun to lose her sleep.
The good thing was that the Council was not throwing fits over her being in the company of Obi-Wan Kenobi. In the last few years they had become increasingly lenient; it was K'yllyn's suspicion that they felt sympathy toward the Knights after their recent history, personal difficulty and tragedy overshadowing their careers.
Poor Obi-Wan. He was catching the brunt of it. First he loses his Master and by default gains an unusual Padawan on the eve of his Knighting. Then he comes home and has to help care for the tortured soul that Shal-Nyx Cael had become. And after her death, the pair that had come together in the shadow of their Masters had to continue, the burden of adulthood felt only when they realised that they were now truly alone.
Leaning back in her chair and exhaling a long breath, K’yllyn shook her head. This news about where, or more precisely, from whom Obi-Wan had come from had both distanced and drawn the two of them closer together.
In the light of retrospect, the discovery made perfect sense, explaining why the enigmatic woman that had been her Master was completely and unquestioningly involved with whom she had been with. It was more than an investment of time and emotions, it was a loyalty to the idea of a family that Shal-Nyx could never have.
About to reach for her commlink and page Obi-Wan, she heard a knock at the door and rose to answer it. The door sliding open, she was pleasantly surprised to see him standing before her, a smile touching his worn face.
"I was about to page you."
He stepped through the door, pausing to kiss her on the forehead. "I'm supposed to be in bed sleeping but I got back to my quarters and discovered the mess that Ani hasn't finished cleaning up, so I'm seeking refuge. Is Irain in bed?"
K'yllyn nodded, watching the door slide back. "Talked herself to sleep... again."
"Lucky girl." Taking a seat on the little couch, Obi-Wan sighed. "I should probably apologise to you... "
"Yeah, well, we all need a vacation." Sliding up next to him, wrapping an arm around him, she nuzzled against his cheek. "So what do we do?"
"Hope that only getting half the genetics that predispose me to these things keep me from being overwhelmed. I don't want you to go through that again."
K'yllyn sighed, closing her eyes, suppressing the rising memories. He was right. The seven months she had spent nursing Shal-Nyx back to health had been a nightmarish hell, but she wouldn't have had it any other way. Besides, if now it was Obi-Wan's fate to go through that, at least she would know what to do to help him. "Do you think if you had, if they--"
"You mean if I had been raised knowing she was my mother I could have been prepared? I tried to ask Yoda that before I came here and he dodged a direct answer."
"And the rest of the records?"
"He said he would answer my questions."
"Well," she sighed, "it's a start."
"I'm just... I'm haunted by that one night that I had to keep vigil. It was before you got back. Windu was away from the Temple; Master Billaba came to my quarters and woke me, needed my help. Only time I've ever seen that look on his face. It turned out that that was the beginning of the phase that you came home to, that point where Shal-Nyx was so weakened that she couldn't control the dreams. When I got to her quarters, and this was shortly before we had them moved closer to yours, she was in the corner, obscured in shadows, irrational and delusional. No one could get close to her, to try and calm her, so they sent me in, figuring that I could do what they couldn't. Get her calm, bring her out."
"And you did?"
"Yes, I did, but... K'yllyn, don't let me go that far. That moment beat out anything the Council could ever give someone as a Trial, it was horrible. I don't want to experience that."
"I don't want you to either. Now, something to drink? Maybe some hot tea will calm you enough to sleep through the night."
"For once," he grudgingly added.
"Hey, if you don't stop waking me in the middle of the night and disturbing my sleep, you may come to find a Corellian bear better company."
He chuckled for the first time that day, enjoying her sarcasm. "Yes, love."
"That's better. Oh, did you hear that rumour that they want to send me back to Casius 4?"
Obi-Wan shook his head, watching as K'yllyn pulled cups from an obscured cupboard. "I thought everything was going well there."
"Hmm, you know the saying about paradise?"
"Falling apart already?"
"Yes. I might have to go back and re-fix things."
"Nice timing."
"That's what I was thinking. Adi Gallia asked to see me tomorrow morning, so I imagine I'll know for sure then." Walking back to the couch, handing over a steaming cup of fragrant tea, she pushed the stray blonde hairs off his face. "I can ask them to send someone else if you need me."
Sipping, the fluid warming his insides as it ran down his throat, Obi-Wan shrugged. "I don't know. Ignoring the Council is never a good idea, but it goes without saying that if any Knights could get away with it, it'd be you or me. I'll be fine."
"I'm worried about you... "
"I suppose someone should be, but I don't want you to. I can take care of myself and, barring that, there are people here who can care for me while you're gone."
About to open her mouth and demand him to obey her wishes, K'yllyn paused. He was right. She had a duty and it wasn't like she was the only one here concerned about him.
But she was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most qualified.
"K'yllyn, please. I'll be okay, I'll get beyond this, I’ll learn to control the dreams, something. But I won't make you care for me as an invalid; it's just not fair to you."
In his voice she could hear the smallest touch of pleading. He didn't want to make her suffer, a noble wish for him, but he seemed to forget, in her estimation, that she was willing to help, no matter what. Her dedication, her love, was strong enough, and she couldn't help the feeling that nagged the back of her mind that she owed her former Master that much.
"Okay," she sighed, nestling back into the crook of his arm. "I'll find out what the Council wants and do what they ask of me, even if it means leaving."
Cupping her jaw with a hand, Obi-Wan drew her face up to his and kissed her gently, his lips brushing against hers in the tenderest of embraces. "Thank you."
Leaning on the doorway between the hallway and the bedroom to her apprentice, K'yllyn Myrrdin watched the quietly sleeping form, marveling at the girl's peaceful demeanour.
Telling herself that envying the girl was not the wise thing to do, she sighed. The last few days of being woken in the middle of the night was giving her an eerie sense of deja vu, Obi-Wan's unwilling behaviour giving rise to unwelcome fears in her. She didn't -want- to care for someone in that state again, but she would if she had to.
"Oh, Master, if only you had seen this," she said quietly, letting her voice carry on the waves of the Force.
She didn't expect an answer, but it made her feel better to say it out loud. Shal-Nyx Cael's last few years were anything but easy on the Jedi Master, and it was painful irony that the woman was killed only after she had recovered from the debilitating dreams, struck down in the name of Jedi duty. And on the relative scale of suffering, something which every Jedi found themselves being inevitably measured upon, dying was easy for her.
It was the living that had been so hard, particularly after the loss of Qui-Gon Jinn.
Suppressing the involuntary shiver, K'yllyn turned and went back into the main room, settling into the couch and drawing the blanket up around her legs. "That phase," Obi-Wan had said. The phase that was the beginning of a time where a woman, normally credited with great diplomatic skills, incredible compassion and a sense of control that K'yllyn openly envied, was caught in a living nightmare.
And now Obi-Wan could be the next victim of them.
With a surrendering sigh, K'yllyn Myrrdin laid her head back, closing her eyes. She had to get some sleep.
Her voice was a dreamy whisper, "Help him, Master... see him through this as only you can... "
And within the confines of his own quarters, laying on his bed in the dark, Obi-Wan Kenobi writhed, caught up, once more, in the dreams.