DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters (Shal-Nyx, K'yllyn, Annah, and Clira) are the creation and property of the author and Caeryn Myer. The storyline and the actual story are the property of the author .
"You look like hell, pet. How was the Padawan selection?"
Accepting the kiss on her forehead, slipping past his tall form and settling into his sleep couch, Shal-Nyx Cael made a surrendering sound. "That wasn't bad. The argument with Yoda was."
"What?!"
"I wanted to know why they sealed the records."
"Sweet Maker, Shala, why don't you just ask them to bring him to you in swaddling clothes?"
"Not a half bad idea."
Qui-Gon's eyes widened a little. She was serious. "You had the chance to already and said 'no.' You know as well as I do we did what was for the best."
"For them. For their precious bloody reputation."
He hesitated, finding that it was an effort to come closer to her. Through their link he could feel her temper, normally a carefully reigned and regulated facet of her personality, simmering unchecked. But not even the living Force, his ally in many things, could break past the surface of anger. "This isn't you. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Liar."
She rubber her temples, beginning to feel the burden of her actions. "If I understood, do you think I would let myself act like this?"
"No," his voice softened, this was closer to the woman he knew. Stepping up to her, kneeling down by her knees, he set large hands on her thighs, daring physical contact.
The touch was painful, his senses tensing up from the flood of energy that was coursing through her body. Pain, lots of pain, only some of it physical. The tendrils of anger were a mask, a thin wall hiding her true state from the world. "Oh, Shala... "
Her grey eyes met his blue, refusing to give in to his plea. "Don't patronise me."
"Don't shut me out. What's wrong?"
"Secrecy is a poison, Qui-Gon. They think that if they bury the truth about our son, we'll forget about him. That somehow the healing process can take place with a blindfold on."
"You know they don't think that."
"Then why is it they put a gag in Mace's mouth? It's not fair for them to punish him for trying to help me."
Qui-Gon nodded, Mace Windu, younger than both of them, was a good friend to have. "I know, and they've done the same to us. Not even the entire Council knows, just Clira and Yoda. For whatever reason, they see this as a bigger issue than it was ever supposed to be."
"You're telling me." Lowering her head in her hands with a surrendering grumble, she actually felt a bit better. Some of the bottled emotions had been expressed, some of the frustration dissipated. Now, and only time would tell, if that expression would be a death knell for her career as a Jedi.
"I doubt Yoda will penalise you as badly as you think. He knows that this isn't really you."
She felt his hand move from her leg to around a shoulder as the air shifted from his movements. Suddenly being drawn into his chest, Shal-Nyx acquiesced, letting him pull her body against his own, the warmth seeping pleasantly into her skin.
"How can I help?"
She ignored his question, pressing her cheek against his chest. "You realise you haven't touched me since we-- "
"I didn't want to push you into anything."
She laughed, a weak, hollow sound. "If I didn't want you to I am perfectly capable of letting you know."
"You nearly broke my hand, luv."
"Oh, please. You want pain? Feel like your body is being rended to shreds slowly and methodically?"
He shook his head, a sad smile touching his mouth. "No, and I wish you hadn't suffered either."
Sitting in his lap, sorting the half dozen jumbled thoughts in her mind to a suitable state, Shal-Nyx shifted to regard his visage, noting with interest the shadow of a beard across his chin, his brows knitted up in worry and his blue eyes regarding her carefully.
An errant thought streaked across her mind with the cruelty of a whiplash. ~I wonder which eye colour he will inherit.~ Shoving it down quickly, not wanting to think about it for the moment, if ever, she was about to back out of Qui-Gon's strong arms when his grip suddenly tightened on her. Bending down, his chin length hair falling around his face, he swept in on her, taking a very heated kiss.
Her first instinct was to fight, not an instinct that she used to have, nor ever wished for, but there it was. Pulling back, she practically fell to the floor, off balance and reeling.
He was at her side instantly. "Are you alright?"
"I don't understand, it was like I was being struck, I, I know you would never hurt me and yet every instinct was screaming at me to get out."
Chewing his lip thoughtfully, he managed a short sigh. "How long have you felt like this?"
"Since the clinic. I thought it was, you know, an after effect of... I'm sorry, this isn't fair to you."
"No, it's not fair to either of us." Sitting on the floor next to her, Qui-Gon shrugged. "And I'm not being that gentle, either. As pathetic as it sounds, it's hard going so long with certain 'things.' We'll do this on your terms, would that help?"
She managed a chuckle. "If there's one thing I can still sense through this muck, it’s your frustration."
"And?"
"Believe it or not, you're not the only one." Brushing a hand across his cheek, she waited for the flight instinct to kick in, but it never did. Scooting closer, making a point to be the initiator, she leaned back into his large, powerful frame, drifting lips close to his experimentally.
It took every facet of will power to control himself, wanting nothing more than to drop her on the floor, strip her down and fuck her senseless.
The heat of rising ardour lit in her blood. Her caution over her mental state fell aside as she pressed herself against him, kissing him, her hands tangling in his hair. This time, as his arms wrapped around her waist and began to move her towards the floor, she didn't resist, she didn't flinch and she certainly didn't run. Her hands took in the lines of his body, renewing her memory of a body she adored the feel of.
And even when it did turn a bit more aggressive, her mere touches hardening him to the point of discomfort, she permitted him to strip clean her body of robes, his mouth taking in the parts of her body before he went inside her, doing what he had desired for the last weeks. She did feel different now, and despite the fact that there was nothing technically different to the act itself, her reactions were quicker, fiercer now, the muscles stronger around him. When he came, something which, all told, didn't take that long, she had already climaxed, panting underneath him.
Still moving inside her, but slower now, laying in between her legs, he inhaled quickly, realising something. "Oh! I hadn't even thought of that, I shouldn't--"
Shal-Nyx covered his mouth with a hand. "No, its okay. I am painfully aware of my body now. There'll be times when we can't, ah, do this, but..."
"I can't believe I just realised it. I have no intention of getting you pregnant again... unless you--"
"No, that's okay, not again, thank you. That particular experience was worth every moment, but I can't handle the consequences, not again."
"Truth be told," his voice was soft, "neither can I."
Awakened by the sharp beeping of his commlink, grabbing it to silence it before it woke the sleeping form tucked up against him, Qui-Gon managed a "Yes?"
Aeon Clira's sounded through the comm, making the male Knight cringe. If there was one voice that could rouse Shal-Nyx Cael from a slumber, it was her former master's. "Qui-Gon, we'd like to talk to you, if possible."
"Absolutely, Master."
"Come to the Council chambers once you've dispensed with your morning routine, we'll be there shortly."
"Yes, Master." Clicking off the comm, lowering his head with a sigh, Qui-Gon nuzzled against the lean frame of Shal-Nyx, who shifted drowsily against him in response. She was still asleep, the serenity of genuine rest on her face, making him want nothing more than to remain where he was on his sleepcouch, but duty beckoned.
Standing up slowly as to not disturb her, stretching his long legs, he wondered why they had called for him specifically. There was nothing he had done in the recent past to warrant a tongue lashing and he had already made it clear that he wished to abstain from offworld missions for a little while, wanting to re-acclimate and improve upon his honed Jedi skills.
Pulling his robe off from the back of a chair and slipping it on, he cast a final look to the sleepcouch, making sure his paramour was unperturbed by his movements. Satisfied, he stepped out the door and headed up the hall towards the Council chamber, surprised when he spotted Mace Windu on the same course.
Jogging up to walk next to the younger Knight, Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. "You too?"
"Yeah." Windu shrugged his shoulders, genuinely blind to the Masters' intentions. "Do you have any idea on what they want?"
"No, and 'listening in' via the Force is telling me nothing."
A chuckle. "I tried that, too. Whatever it is, they've got my attention. So how is she?"
Qui-Gon paused, a little surprised by the jump in conversation. Making up the distance quickly with long strides, he grumbled. "Better, I suppose, but not before she picked a fight with Master Yoda."
"No!"
"She did."
"About the records?"
"Yes, but it not just that that's got her worked up."
Windu's look was a significant one. "Well, considering... "
"Mace, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Half the time the Council's out to interfere and take me away from her and then I've got the whole problem of being the only one to be there and help her work through some of this shite. I know you've been a friend to both of us, and for that I'm grateful, but--"
"I'm her friend and you're her lover. I understand. Now come on, let's see if they're shipping us off to the Kessel mines."
"Thanks, and I hope not." Stopping before the doors of the Council chamber, Qui-Gon took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly, trying to set aside all his concerns, at least for the time being. Then, with a weary look to Windu, he pushed open the doors.
Both Knights stopped suddenly, shocked. There were only three before them, Masters Yoda and Clira, and one of the Temple healers. The Masters seemed composed as always, but the healer, a trim man with short black hair and milky pale skin, was ringing his hands.
Qui-Gon bowed first. "My Masters, is there a problem?"
Clira nodded. "Since the two of you arguably know Shal-Nyx better, we wanted some insight."
Rising from his own bow, his eyes widening, Mace Windu hid his surprise. "In regards to what?"
"Aware you are of her defiance to me."
Apparently Yoda wasn't quite as composed. "Yes, Master, I've... heard."
Clira rolled her eyes. "I would suspect that you've done more than hear, Qui-Gon."
Windu cleared his throat. "My Masters, may we come to a point? I have duties to attend to still."
There was a silence as Clira and Qui-Gon exchanged less than friendly stares. The old Master had eased up on her former apprentice, but to him she still held a dram of responsibility, something which even Yoda, firmly stuck in the middle of the long-standing conflict, felt was becoming inappropriate. "She's not well."
There was a quick set of glances between Windu and Qui-Gon, the latter finding a dire streak of concern rising in him. "In what way, Master?"
The healer, having been silent the entire time, stepped forward. "Well, the last scan I made of her blood panel showed some... abnormalities."
Qui-Gon shook his head in frustration. "Have you ruled out that she only recently went through childbirth?"
Yoda gave the tall Knight a look, his comment too casual, even in this secured room.
The healer nodded. "Absolutely. She's nearly 100 percent recovered from that. What I've detected may be something on the genetic level."
"Why didn't this show up before? If this was a gene problem, wouldn't the Jedi have ruled her out as a potential when she was first brought to the Temple?"
Clira threw up her hands. "It hadn't been present until now."
"I've cross-referenced and triple-checked it, there's no doubt and no mistake." The healer held up a datapad of information, most of which the rest of the room occupants weren't readily able to interpret. "Other than her personality changes, has there been anything different about Shal-Nyx?"
Qui-Gon folded his arms inside his robes and suppressed the sigh. "Yes. Her appetite is off, as is her balance. It's gotten better since she dropped the weight, but she hasn't been able to completely restore her former physique. Also... "
Raising an eyebrow as Qui-Gon trailed his sentence off, Yoda prompted, "Yes?"
"She reacted badly to me, ah," he hesitated, knowing his next words would not be received kindly, "when I kissed her. Acted as though she'd been physically struck, which even surprised her. She said it was pure instinct, no conscious warning."
Yoda's ears arced back a little. "So unable she is to handle another's touch?"
Windu coughed, for which Qui-Gon licked his lips and tried to soften the blow. "Not quite. We were... ah... "
Clira finished the sentence for him, her tone pained. "Intimate."
"Yes."
The Masters did their different versions of disapproving gestures while the healer reached into a pocket and typed a few notes on an empty datapad. Giving Qui-Gon, who was doing his best to not further the bad blood by not opening his own mouth, a look of "what now?", Mace Windu quietly hoped nothing serious would come of this semi-private meeting.
"Think you, Raend, that this is a short term affliction?"
The healer shook his head. "Probably not, but it seems like one of those chromosomal defects that can show up and be benign for her entire life or become malignant at any given time, sometimes because of high stress levels, a devastating sickness or--"
"Childbearing."
"Yes, that too, or rather, that especially."
Qui-Gon nodded, his mind working fast, his eyes widening suddenly at a horrible realisation. "What about the child?"
Clira's eyes narrowed. "What about it?"
That struck a nerve with him, causing him to clench his large hands into fists. Did she do it intentionally to incite him? "What if he has the same defect?"
Raend stuttered. "We don't have any medical records for him, I, we were never given anything to-- "
"I know, largely because all records have been sealed, thereby cutting lines of communication between the Temple and Cas'hay." Qui-Gon's comment was a pointed one. He was treading the line Shal-Nyx had crossed not too long ago, but there was ample justification, especially now. How dare the Council risk the life of an innocent for the sake of their political stature?!
"Where is he, Masters? Is he here?"
Yoda regarded Mace Windu openly. He was indeed a loyal friend. "Permitted it is not to discuss that, but aware the Council is of his location."
"That's not good enough, Master Yoda," was Qui-Gon's challenging reply.
Yoda sighed. What was it about this one pair of Jedi? Were they aware of just how defiant they were acting, daring to challenge the commands of their superiors? "Here he is not, but give him to you I will not. Capable are his caretakers, and remind you I do that you chose to leave him with them."
Watching the taller man next to him, Windu could feel the emotions of his friend fluctuate. Yoda had hit an open wound, and a new one at that. Something about the Council's denial of information to the child's parents, his friends and fellow Jedi, was becoming a source of consternation for Qui-Gon Jinn. Whether or not it was pure sympathy for his mate, Mace wasn't sure, but either way, the feelings were genuine. "Does the rest of the Council know about this problem?"
Yoda shook his head. "At this point, no. Aware they are not of the previous circumstances, or at least the details that have not been visually present, and continue it will this way. About the defect they will know soon. Wish we do to see Shal-Nyx returned to her normal life, and cure we will need to find."
"I'd like her to come back in to see me so I can draw a fresh sample. If there's a pattern of malignancy, our best bet is to detect it quickly."
Clira opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by Qui-Gon. "My Masters, she's not herself, I want, I-- I'll make sure she comes in right away."
The female Master glared.
Yoda shot Aeon Clira a withering look, commanding her silently over the Force, ~Argue you will not or leave you will.~
The blonde woman could only nod in obedience.