DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox.  This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it.  Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended.  Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.  Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'm not cleared for landing?" Spath roared into the comlink. "In that case, I'll just land WHEREVER I WANT!"

"The Palace has a large back yard," Tare offered.

"Wait, we found something!" the frazzled controller on the ground replied. "Docking bay 1138."

"THANK you," Spath barked. He took a deep breath. "We're almost there..."

"The palace is halfway across the city," Tare pointed out.

"We'll make it," Spath repeated for the seventy-third time. If he didn't keep repeating it, he might stop believing it himself.

The ceremony had seemed to go by in a blur. Where was Anakin? He'd promised he'd be here. He was supposed to stop the wedding. Obi- Wan gripped the edges of his seat.

"It's okay," Frederica said comfortingly.

He scowled. Where was his Padawan?

The holy man droned on.

Anakin needed to get here. He would get here. He was just running a little late. He was going to need someone to stall.

"And if anyone has an objection to these two being joined in matrimony, please speak now, or forever hold your peace."

And somehow, Obi-Wan was on his feet, and he heard his own voice, which sounded very far away. "I object."

"I found a speeder to rent!" Anakin announced.

"Perfect," Spath said. "Let me at it."

"Nope," Anakin said. "I'm drivin' this one."

"WHAT?" Governor Bibble erupted. "Why?"

Obi-Wan blinked. He hadn't thought that far ahead. He looked at Amidala. Her face was absolutely blank and unreadable. Westerly looked completely horrified.

"The yerknahs."

"The YERKNAHS?"

"They didn't look happy. You don't have happy yerknahs, you don't have a happy marriage. Everyone knows that. Marriage's doomed."

"Yerknahs are never happy!" Westerly howled.

"Well, fine then," Obi-Wan snorted. "How did the Gungan Ceremony of Blessing go?"

"The what?"

"Don't tell me you didn't go through the Gungan Ceremony of Blessing!"

"I'm not a Gungan!" Westerly protested.

"Would've been nice, though. Honestly, you're not very considerate. I think you should postpone the wedding until you go through with it."

"What?"

"Uh, Obiwun?" Jar Jar spoke up. "Ceremony of Blessing takes two months to do."

"Then you kids better get started!"

"I've had enough of this, Kenobi!" Bibble yelled. "I'm reporting to the Council about this."

Obi-Wan scowled. He had one more ace to play. It had better work. "Amidala, you can't marry him-- because I love you."

"I'm going to be sick..." Tare said, looking somewhat green again.

"Me, too," Spath added.

"Wusses!" Anakin announced, driving the gas pedal into the floor. "Amidala's marrying some jerk while we speak, and all you can think about is yourselves!"

"What are you talking about?" the Queen exploded.

Anakin grimaced, and pulled one of his hands off the steering wheel long enough to wave it in front of the monarches. "I never said a thing."

"Never said a thing," they echoed in unison.

"HA! It finally worked! I finally mind-tricked someone! YES!"

"WATCH YOUR DRIVING!" Tare and Spath yelled in unison.

"Oh. Right."

The mumbles, the rumors, the gossiping and the complaining had died down to absolute silence. Everyone was just waiting.

"What?" Amidala murmured, voice barely above a whisper.

"I love you," Obi-Wan said again, trying to make it sound casual.

"Keep going," Frederica hissed, elbowing him in the knee.

"Um... I guess I've loved you for a long time. Not since we met, you know, during the invasion. I thought you were just another spoiled monarch with too much clothing, then. Not that it was really you, then, though, it was Sabe. No offense, Sabe, you were just acting, and you really did a great job on my robes, by the way. But, um, you did look really cute while we were storming the palace."

The guests just stared blankly, having no idea whatsoever what the Jedi was talking about.

"I think it was when you got kidnapped and Ani and I had to come rescue you. Well, I didn't like you at first there, either, you were really infuriating, and I still thought you had too many clothes. But then we had that talk, and you taught me to play poker, and we beat up the pirates, and the whole thing was kind of fun in retrospect. I think that's when I officially fell in love with you, but I didn't know it yet."

Amidala just stared at him, eyes full of emotion. Which emotion, that was the question. So Obi-Wan just kept on talking.

"And, um, then we started sending transmissions to each other all the time. And you'd always help me out when I needed help dealing with Ani, or just needed someone to talk, or needed someone to make fun of my cooking. Wait, Ani makes fun of my cooking well enough on his own, so you can stop it, okay?"

A tiny smile found its way onto Amidala's face.

Obi-Wan grinned. Okay, he was doing better. Where was Anakin?

"Then I came here, you know, to visit, and you were going to marry Westerly. And I thought I'd be okay with that, as long as you were still happy. See, I didn't know I was in love with you, yet. I really am slow at this sort of thing. I haven't a whole lot of experience with this whole love thing. I mean, I'm a Jedi, I spend most of my time meditating, not reading romance novels. But we spent some time together, especially when we-- oh, I'm probably not supposed to talk about that."

Westerly's jaw dropped.

"It's not dirty!" Obi-Wan protested. "I just took her to town for the day! Anyway, somewhere along the line, I realized that I really, really... really... really love you. A whole lot. And I don't want you to marry Westerly. Because I care about you more than just about anything. I do."

Obi-Wan looked down at Frederica. She gave him a thumb's-up. Wonderful. Now where was Anakin? Furthermore, he was running out of things to babble about.

"Um, you could marry me, though. The Council's encouraging us all to get married, now, especially to planetary monarchs. I hear Master Windu's been chasing after the Princess of Alderaan, and we betrothed Anakin to the Premier of Kashyyyk's daughter just last week. She's a little furry, but that's all part of growing up, right? So what do you say? You want to marry me?"

Amidala just stared at him. Frederica buried her face in her hands.

"I didn't mean right this minute. I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion. Unless you want to get married right now. I mean, we've got the priest, and you look really great."

What happened next was somewhat unexpected. Though it shouldn't have been.

A pink blur flung itself at Obi-Wan, screaming "You jerk! You're ruining everything!"

"Rabe?" Amidala mumbled.

"You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?" Rabe cried, smacking Obi-Wan in the head with her bouquet.

"Get off me!"

"You... you... you PERVERT!"

"You don't want to attack me!" Obi-Wan announced with an angry wave of his hand.

"I don't want to attack you," Rabe said blankly. And promptly passed out.

Obi-Wan scratched his head. "Guess I overdid it."

"Halt," the guard announced. "Out of the speeder. There's a wedding going on today. No one's allowed in."

Anakin set his jaw. It had worked before, and it was going to work this time. "You don't--"

"Listen to me, son. I am the mother of the groom, and the Queen of the planet Jocar. You will let us in, or I will have you transferred to tauntaun poodoo detail on HOTH!"

"Um, go on in," the guard squeaked. "But you have to leave the speeder here. They're not allowed on palace grounds. I'm sorry."

"Good enough, I suppose," the Queen sniffed. "Let's go."

The Force is a wonderful thing.

It surrounds us, penetrates us, binds us together. It is the essense of life.

Those who know the Force best-- the Jedi-- become one with the Force after they die. There, they can observe the universe left behind and possible even interact with their loved ones. Mostly, though, they spend time together, reliving old stories, meditating on the meaning of events, and occasionally passing on a good yert casserole recipe.

The spirit of great Jedi Master Pol Hefrax, hero of the Cykellian Bryl Wars turned to Master Qui-Gon Jinn, martyr of the Neimoidian Invasion of Naboo, finder of He Who Would Bring Balance to the Force, and possessor of the best roast ghanak recipe in the known universe. "Isn't that your boy making a fool of himself?"

"Mm-hmm. That's Obi-Wan."

"Aren't you going to... go stop him or something?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because if I know my Padawan, he's about to do something really amusing."

"Are you quite done, Kenobi?" Bibble demanded.

"No, I'm not! I... I..." Think fast, Kenobi! he pleaded with himself. "I have a song for you, Amidala."

"You want to SING?" Westerly exclaimed.

"Yes, I do. I bet you can't sing."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"See? Can't sing."

"Fine, then. Sing your damn song!"

"Okay, I will." Obi-Wan cleared his throat. And his mind went completely blank.

He'd intended to sing one of those stupid Corellian love ballads, perhaps even the one they'd heard in town two days before. Sure, they were a little depressing, but they were mushy, too, and Amidala had seemed to like the one. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan couldn't remember a single one. In fact, he couldn't remember any songs. Well, that wasn't quite true. One song was running through his head with a vengeance. It was the song Master Yoda had wanted him to sing at Depa Billaba's Knighthood ceremony when he was thirteen years old. This was just going to call for some improvisation.

"Somewhere...
Beyond the sea,
Somewhere, waiting for me,
My true love stands
On golden saaaands,
And watches the... Jedi,
Waaalk away...

"Somewhere...
Beyond the stars,
There, I'll go so far,
I know of course,
I'm... going hoarse,
Singing,
I looove you...

"I know,
Without a doubt,
I'd yell and I would shout,
If you'd agreeeee...
To marry meeee...
Instead of
Wes-terleeee..."

"Thank the gods!" Obi-Wan said, throwing up his hands.

"What's going on?" Rabe mumbled, sitting up.

"Amidalamidalamidala!" Anakin raced down the aisle at full speed, and practically tackled the Queen. "You can't marry him."

"So Obi-Wan was telling me. What are you doing here? I thought you were on Coruscant."

"WESTERLY!"

Both Westerly and Frederica cringed visibly.

"You could have waited a few minutes," Queen Mataunia accused, stomping after Anakin. The king followed close on her heels, with Spath and Tare a few steps behind.

"Mother, I... didn't know you were coming," Westerly excused.

"A likely story. You must be Queen Amidala," she said, smiling kindly at her.

"I am."

"Young Anakin spoke highly of you."

"I'm sure he did."

Meanwhile, Rabe was still stumbling to her feet. Her mind was still a little fuzzy from Obi-Wan's manipulations. "Gotta... stop..."

"What's wrong with you?" Tare asked, helping her up. Suddenly, something registered. "You weren't trying to stop the wedding, were you? Oh, gods! You and Westerly really were having an affair!"

The last comment came during one of those unfortunate lapses in everyone else's conversation. Every head in the room turned to the poor, confused handmaiden. And then over to Westerly. And back to Rabe.

"WESTERLY..." Queen Mataunia started.

"Mother, I don't know anything ab--"

"M'lady, I never--"

"Eww, that's gross!" Anakin exclaimed.

And then Ric Olie chose that moment to buzz the chapel again.

At that point, hell pretty much broke loose.

Royalty was yelling at other royalty.

Governor Bibble went dashing outside, mind filled with murderous thoughts towards a certain Captain of the Air and Space Corps, tripping over the yerknahs on his way.

The Jocarian Queen grabbed her son's ear and started screaming at him. The king just looked bored.

Frederica very casually stuck her feet under the seat in front of her.

Anakin looked around, trying to figure out what was going on.

Captain Panaka stood in the corner, laughing his head off.

And for a brief moment, the eyes of a certain Queen and Jedi met.

"We will discuss this later!" Mataunia's voice cut through the crowd. Everyone became quiet very quickly. "Queen Amidala, I apologize for my son's indiscretions, but I cannot allow this wedding to continue. I only hope you will agree to sign the treaty without the marriage."

Amidala smiled. "I think arrangements can be made."

"See?" said Qui-Gon. "I told you it'd be good."

"Just for the record, I'm still very angry at you," Amidala said, playing with her cake.

"I can live with that," Obi-Wan said, taking a big mouthful of his own piece. "Chocolate wedding cake. Huh."

"You did a really great job stallin', Obi-Wan," Anakin said proudly. "You were great!"

"And you, young Padawan, have cake all over your mouth."

"Huh? Oh." Anakin quite tactfully removed the offending crumbs with the sleeve of his cloak. Obi-Wan ignored it.

"So you never did explain this-- were you on Coruscant, or weren't you?"

"Coruscant? I was never on Coruscant."

Amidala glared at Obi-Wan.

"He was doing surveillance. I couldn't give him away."

"Not at first," Anakin said. "I ran aw--"

He got cut off when Obi-Wan slapped a hand over his mouth. "Hey, Anakin, there's someone I'd like you to meet. FREDERICA!"

"What's up?" Frederica asked. She was back in her military pants and tank top.

"I'd like you to meet my Padawan, Anakin. He blew up a Trade Federation base, once."

"Wizard! Did you really?"

"Yup. Do you know what Podracing is?"

"Are you kidding? Fastest racing in the galaxy!"

Am I good or what? Obi-Wan thought to himself as the princess dragged Ani off. Suddenly, another thought struck him. "Don't touch her butt, Ani! I mean it!"

"Ran away, huh?"

"Er, something like that."

The two contemplated their cake for a moment.

"You could have told me ahead of time."

"Told you what?"

"That you were planning on 'proclaiming your love' in the middle of my wedding?"

"Well, I wasn't planning on it. Anakin was running late, and I had to stall, and Westerly just wasn't buying the bit about the Gungan Ceremony of Blessing."

"And the only thing you could come up with was 'Amidala, I love you'?"

"Well... yes."

"I guess, since I'm not married to Westerly and we got the alliance anyway, I should be grateful or something."

"Did I embarrass you terribly?"

"YES. But, um..."

"What?"

"I liked it when you sang for me."

"That... wasn't exactly a love song."

"It sounded like one to me."

"That's because I replaced all the lines about the Force with mushy stuff."

"That's okay. I still liked it."

There was a quiet moment. Then she looked at him, eyes shining with mischief.

"Aaaand, since you embarrassed me, I think I should get a chance to embarrass you back."

"I'm not going to like this, am I?"

"I don't know. You might."

"Let's see." And with that, she grabbed the front of his robes and kissed him. On the lips. Hard.

"Wow," he mumbled when she was done.

She grinned at him, and picked up her plate. "And, because you denied me the chance to do it to Westerly..."

"Huh?"

Obi-Wan was still a little dazed from the kiss. He never even saw the cake coming.

Back
Back to Stories Page