I did Sugaree's Thou Shalt Not. Click on the link to the story and you will get a new window. When you're done reading the story you can resize it and follow along.


Overall reaction, in a word: wow. This story is a good example of why I started reading slash. I wanted to see insights into the characters, how they interact, what goes on inside their heads. I can imagine two characters sweaty and naked and contorted into a thousand positions in a thousand places just fine on my own. It's the stories that explore the emotional connection beneath the sexual one that have always interested me more.

I consider it a huge compliment in the fanfic universe when a reader tells you that after reading one of your stories, s/he wants to start watching the show. Well, I've never watched Oz, but I'm definitely more inclined to keep my eyes open for reruns after reading this. The extent of what I know about the show Oz can be summed up as such: I know it's set in a prison, and I know that the guy who played Mercutio in the '96 version of Romeo + Juliet is in it.

On the first read, the story was a bit confusing for me, having never watched the show before. But when I went back to read it a second time, I decided to look at it as a piece of stand-alone fiction. After all, don't we say in our pet peeves that "Fan fic should be written in a way that it could be passed off as original fiction without a hitch"? (no, that's not a typo -- I put the question mark outside the quotations mark on purpose)

Not knowing anything, really, about the characters of Ray and Miguel, I can't rightfully say anything about how accurately Sugaree has captured them, but she's portrayed them beautifully nonetheless. I like the switching of perspectives, although once in awhile I lost track of who was talking and had to go back a paragraph or two and figure it out. I don't know if a reader familiar with the show and the characters would have the same problem. Probably not.

That said, the angst in the story was primo. The separate but equal suffering of the two characters, the demons they each struggle with -- incredible, juicy stuff. And instead of being resolved in the end, it's heightened. It takes a lot of chutzpah, in my opinion, to stray from the "happily ever after" fairy tale endings that are so common in slash.

Another "road less traveled" that Sugaree ventures down is that there isn't any actual sex in the story. But she packs more punch in a single kiss than I've read in a hundred graphic sex scenes. I'm pretty jaded; it isn't often that something leaves me truly breathless and speechless, but this did:

Warm and soft, their lips meet gently. With the first hint of contact, Ray loses himself. Head swimming and heart pounding, feeling what he never had before, it fills him up. And for the second time in his life, he feels that rapid-fire explosion deep within his chest. Coursing outward, making his limbs weak, displacing everything else. Open mouthed and begging for more, an echoing frisson runs up his spine, numbs the outside world, and the struggle ends

There are a few nitpicky things I feel I should mention, though. First, there is some switching between past/present tense. I understand that certain things are meant to be said in the present tense and some are meant to be said in past tense, but they get mixed up in a few spots where I suspect they shouldn't be. It's not a big deal, but us English nerds are going to notice it.

Second, "Niggling" is such a great word, but I think using it twice in such close succession ("Niggling twitches in the deepest recesses of his brain..." and then a couple of paragraphs later, "Niggling thoughts run rampant, lusty mortal thoughts trampled by daylight...") detracts from it. I'd try using another word in place of one of them -- nagging, maybe? Ditto for "fissures." It's not a word that you read or hear very often, so it looks a bit strange, I think, to use it twice so close together in the same story.

Third -- and this is something I myself am guilty of in my writing -- beware of using "then" too much. I often find that I can cut down most of the "and then he did this" type statements to, simply, "he did this," without compromising the meaning of the sentence. It goes back to the idea of removing words that don't further the story and making every sentence as powerful as possible.

I think it's fairly obvious that Sugaree put a lot of time and effort into this story. If she didn't, and this is the kind of stuff she just spits out without a second thought, I'm officially jealous.

Overall CABS grade: A-