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SEE PART ONE FOR WARNINGS, SUMMARY, AND NOTES. FAN RATED MAO.

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"I'd offer you a penny, but I doubt you'd give them up for that," Christian said, joining Sean where he stood by the railing of the patio, looking out at the view. "Here," he handed Sean a glass of wine, then took a sip of his own.

"I was just thinking about tomorrow. About our trip. A lot of things."

"Geez, you don't look too happy," Christian said, and Sean finally looked at him instead of the view in front of them.

"It's not you or the wedding or the trip. Just some unresolved...stuff."

"You want to be a little more specific?" Christian urged. "I bet I can think of something that would make you smile."

"I'm sure you could," Sean said, smiling. "You always do. This just isn't the romantic conversation I want to have with you on the eve of our wedding ceremony."

"Oh, come on, Sean. I'm all for the romance, but you're my best friend before you're anything else, so screw the hearts and flowers and tell me what's eating you."

"I'm feeling pretty good. My back's okay except for a couple spots where the skin was broken. Well, and the knife scars," he added, sighing.

"We can get rid of those if they're bothering you, Sean."

"No, they're not bothering me. You did a fantastic job suturing them in the hospital when it happened, so they'll fade even more eventually. Unless they bother you."

"Of course not," Christian replied. "Except for how close I came to losing you. But if you mean do they turn me off or something, no, not at all. I don't even think about them that way."

"I feel mostly okay from what happened."

"Is there something you want to tell me about your asshole?"

"I guess I can't fault you for beating around the bush," Sean said, looking a little uneasy.

"There's no delicate way to say that. There wasn't when I talked to you about my lingering pain issues, and there isn't when we talk about yours. If I were just your doctor and not your lover, I would have examined you at least once, maybe twice by now. I didn't want to keep pressuring you about it, and I figured you'd tell me if you needed me to check something that didn't feel right."

"The muscles still ache a little, and it feels...I feel like it's sensitive."

"You had a couple pretty good tears there, Sean. The swelling and bruising were pretty intense. It's not odd you're still sensitive there." Christian paused. "You said you were thinking about the wedding and the trip - - you think you're on some kind of deadline to be ready for me to stick my dick in there?"

"It crossed my mind. Not because you said or did anything to make me feel that way. But we've made love a few times with me inside you, and I want to be able to give that back to you."

"You will, when you're ready. I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with you, Sean. Thanks to my remission, that's long enough for you to heal up properly with thirty years or so to spare." He set his wine glass down and took Sean gently by the shoulders. "It's not that I'm not looking forward to making love to you that way, but I'd probably be more nervous than you were to do it if I wasn't sure you were okay. Do you want me to examine you? Strictly business, as your doctor?"

"I was going to go see a doctor... Just because it's not the sexiest thing in the world to ask your lover to look up your ass for medical reasons. I don't think I could deal with somebody else touching me that way after what happened. I couldn't bring myself to make an appointment."

"We can go over to the office and take care of it right now if you want. I can tell Matt to keep an eye on Wilbur, and I think Annie's in bed already."

"Why not here?"

"I should use the scope," Christian said, hating to make Sean more nervous about this than he already was. "I need to actually see the tears I sutured, and I don't want to jab my finger in you without knowing what's going on in there."

"This just keeps getting better. I know you're right. That's what I'd do in your place."

"Yeah, well, it doesn't make it suck any less. I could give you a really small dose of Versed, relax you a little. If you're tense, it'll be more uncomfortable than it has to be."

"I don't want to be hung over tomorrow."

"You won't be. You slept off what I gave you last time in about twelve hours, and I gave you more than I'd have to for this."

"Okay. Let's do it."

********

Sean had put on a hospital gown before Christian started the IV with a low dose of Versed, and now lay on his side relaxed, not really concerned with what Christian was doing. That took a lot of pressure off Christian, who very gently examined him, used the small scope to check the healing process, and was pleased to find that Sean was well on his way to being fully healed from his ordeal. The swelling was gone and there was no sign of lingering damage. He couldn't really accurately gauge the sensitivity, since Sean probably wouldn't have felt most anything short of a very aggressive stimulus, but there was nothing physical to suggest he should be in any pain. Christian figured part of it was emotional and psychological, and the rest was probably just some deeper bruising or the heightened sensitivity of new skin.

He closed the gown in back and encouraged Sean to stretch out on his back, where he started before Christian began the IV. It didn't take him long to bring his partner out of his stupor, since he'd kept the dose very low.

"You're done already?" Sean asked, a little groggy.

"All done. You've healed beautifully, partner."

"I had a good surgeon," he said, something in the sleepy smile touching Christian deeply.

"You're my most important patient," Christian replied, stroking Sean's hair lightly. "If I can't take good care of you, I should hang up my scrubs."

"Maybe next time you touch me there, I won't need a shot of Versed to lie still for it," Sean said, his tone a little discouraged.

"You probably didn't need it tonight, sweetheart," Christian said, taking Sean's hand. "I think it was more for me than it was for you. I didn't have the heart to make you go through it with nothing and I wouldn't have been able to finish examining you if you were nervous or it hurt."

"Why do I still feel kind of achy and sensitive? Did you see anything?"

"Probably because you were a few centimeters from internal injuries when it happened, and you had a lot of raw, swollen tissue and tearing. You're freshly healed, and there could be some deep bruising you still feel. Plus, you know as well as I do that newly healed flesh seems more delicate than it is. People are afraid of hurting it, no matter what happened or what procedure they had done." Christian squeezed Sean's hand. "We're not going to try anything for a while yet, just to be sure it feels good when we do."

"I still feel kind of fuzzy," Sean said, leaning up on his elbows, rubbing his eyes.

"I'll help you get dressed and we'll go home and sleep it off." Christian helped him get dressed, though he was increasingly clear and able to do most of it himself. As they walked to the car together, Sean slid his arm around Christian's waist, and Christian kept a very protective arm around Sean, keeping him close to his side.

"Thanks," Sean said quietly.

"You're welcome, Sean," Christian replied, squeezing him a little.

"Not just for this, but...thanks for being in my life. You've always been the best part of it."

"You've always been the best part of me," Christian said, stopping long enough for them to share a kiss before getting into the car and heading for home.

********

"We're not blushing brides, Matt. I don't see what the big deal was about splitting us up to get ready," Sean said, buttoning his shirt. "Our tuxes even match."

"It's bad luck to see the groom in his tux before the wedding, even if you already know what they look like," Matt quipped. "You need help with the tie?"

"I'd be in deep shit if I did. I tied yours, remember?" Sean did manage to tie the platinum bow tie flawlessly. "You better go check on Christian. I've done his tie at almost every formal event we've ever been involved with."

"Okay, but it'll be the blind leading the blind," Matt admitted, leaving Sean to finish getting dressed while he went to Christian's room - - which was now the master bedroom and Sean's room was essentially vacant most of the time - - to check on father number two. He tapped on the door and walked in to find Wilbur sitting on the bed, watching Christian fiddle with his tie. Sean had done Wilbur's before getting dressed himself. "That's quite a vest and tie combo you've got there, Christian."

"Shit, it looks like Reynolds Wrap, doesn't it?" Christian asked of the fabric that had a beautiful sheen to its platinum finish, adding just the pizzazz to his black tuxedo that he'd thought looked wonderful when he chose it, even though he'd had to work on Sean a little to agree to something flashy and slightly a-traditional. They'd finally both agreed it would be a great tie-in to the silver cake trimming, and set their tuxes apart from Matt's and Wilbur's traditional black tuxedos and black ties. It was pathetic to feel this halved getting ready for a formal event without Sean, but the idea of getting ready separately had seemed kind of fun and romantic when they first thought of it. Now he just missed sharing the ritual with Sean.

"No, I like it," Matt said, laughing. "Dad's okay with his, so quit worrying about it. Geez, you guys are more nervous than a couple of brides. I think Dad misses you. He was worried about you getting your tie on straight."

"So he sent you? God help me. I should have let Wilbur do it."

"Uncle Sean tied mine really good," Wilbur said.

"Yeah. How about a tie dispensation so we can get ready here? Just let me go have Sean do this. It's impossible and it looks crooked as hell."

"I've been watching Dad. I think I can do it if you give me a couple minutes."

"This place is a sausage fest. We should have asked Liz to come here instead of sending Annie over there to get ready.

"Calm down, will you?" Matt made a few adjustments, and then smiled. "See, I told you." He stepped back and Christian inspected the tie in the mirror.

"Maybe you did inherit Sean's knack with ties after all," Christian said. "Let's get going. The sooner I get out of here, the sooner I get my partner back."

"You've got it bad, man. You've been apart a whole hour or so."

"One of these days, Matty, you're going to find the person you can't live without, and then it'll be my turn to tease you when you're all sappy and sentimental."

"I don't know as I'm ever gonna find somebody I'm as...connected to as you are with Dad."

"We've been together a long time." Christian smiled. "I didn't recognize it back then, but I loved him from the first time he tutored me. I was supposed to meet him at the library at eight, and I stood him up for two hours. I was with this girl," he said, shrugging. "I caught up to him walking back to his dorm. He actually waited there for me all that time. I was sure I'd blown it, that he'd tell me to fu - - well, that he wouldn't help me," he said, censoring his original comment in deference to Wilbur's presence. "But he still tutored me for the test we had the next day. In all the time I knew him, he never let me down. I never had a friend like that before...or since."

Just then, Christian's cell phone buzzed that he had a text message. "Just a minute," he said to Matt, picking his phone up off the dresser, smiling when he looked at the screen. He read the message, and a moment later, was clicking a response back.

"Don't tell me," Matt said, sitting on the bed next to Wilbur. "They're texting each other," he told his younger adopted brother, who just giggled.

Christian waited, and the predictable buzz came, which he quickly read and clicked in another answer. Then another buzz, and another answer. Then Christian tucked the phone in his pocket. "Okay, I'm all set."

"I don't believe you guys," Matt said, laughing. "Why don't you and Wilbur get a head start, and Dad and I'll bring up the rear?" Matt held Christian's tuxedo coat while he got into it. The black suit coat with the white rose boutonniere did complete a dashing figure. Christian looked good, and he knew it, and he couldn't wait to see his partner - - to see how he looked, but also to get that little tingle he'd feel when he saw the way Sean would look at him, with all the love and desire in the world.

********

The room Sean was waiting in, no matter how well appointed, was beginning to feel like a holding cell. He was ready to get on with the festivities, and the whole plan of keeping him apart from Christian was starting to get tiresome despite its romance. Their guests were gathering and music was playing, and they were stuck in back rooms so they didn't see each other, even though they lived together and had sex that morning...twice. Once was just nice, fumbling, sleepy groping in bed with a lot of cuddling and kissing, and the second time kept them in the shower until their skin started turning wrinkly.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Sean said, ready for any distraction and sincerely hoping that it was time to get the show on the road. He was speechless when Julia walked in wearing a beautiful pale blue dress, carrying Conor all dressed up in a little black tux.

"I didn't have the heart not to bring him for the wedding," she said, smiling.

"You don't know what this means to me," he said, taking Conor from her. "Oh, I missed you," he said to the little boy, hugging him tightly.

"Hi, Daddy!" he said happily, tolerant of the slightly smothering affection he was getting from his overjoyed father.

"Thank you for coming, Jules," Sean said. "Not just to bring Conor, but I'm glad you're here. It wouldn't have been the same without you."

"That's what Christian said," she said, crossing her arms, but smiling. "He can be pretty convincing when he wants to be."

"What do you mean?"

"He called to have a little talk with me a few days ago. Let's just say he convinced me that Conor and I were really wanted here this weekend, but he wanted it to be a surprise."

Sean was so moved that Christian had somehow pulled this off, and done it completely under the radar, that he found it hard to keep his emotions in check. He hugged Julia with the arm that wasn't holding Conor.

"Thanks again for agreeing to come. I do know a wedding has to be difficult, so soon after losing Ollie."

"Well, she believed in celebrating life, and if she were here, she'd have urged me to come. You look really good, Sean. I saw Christian a few minutes ago, and he looks pretty good, too. You're going to make a really nice looking couple in your wedding pictures."

"That's nice of you to say. I'm just glad all the important people in our lives are here now. Wedding pictures of our family and friends would have been incomplete without you and Conor."

"Daddy? Everything's almost ready," Annie said, joining them. Her blonde hair was upswept, with little ringlets framing her face. She had a very light eyeshadow and lip gloss on, and little pearl drop earrings. Her platinum tea length dress and matching strappy shoes picked up the color and sheen of the vests and ties of Sean's and Christian's tuxes.

"Annie, you look beautiful, princess," Sean said, and Julia smiled. "Looks like our little girl isn't so little anymore," he added.

"How does this work? Is one of you walking down the aisle, or...?" Julia asked.

"We thought of flipping a coin for that, but neither one of us wanted to walk down the aisle, so Annie and Matt are going down the aisle so they can be our witnesses, then Christian and I are coming in from opposite sides of the room, up near the front, so we can meet in the middle. Wilbur's our ring bearer."

"Matt said he'd carry Conor up, if you'd like to have him up front during the ceremony," Julia said.

"That'd be perfect," Sean agreed.

"I'll go let Matt know. I can take Conor, Daddy." Annie took her little brother with her, and went to find Matt.

"Well, this is a little strange," Julia said. "I always thought I'd go to your wedding someday, that you'd find somebody else. I didn't know how I was going to feel about that."

"How do you feel about it?"

"Maybe a little sorry that we didn't work. I do love you, you know."

"I know that. I love you, too. You don't know how many times I was sorry we didn't work," Sean added.

"I think I know. All those times you didn't want to let me go, or wanted me back. I always took comfort in the fact you were there, loving me like that. It was like a safety net. Maybe it feels a little like losing something that I didn't really think too much about having until it was gone."

"I haven't gone anywhere, Jules. I'll always love you, and you can always call me if you need me. I know Christian feels the same way."

"It's ironic...you and Christian getting married, and you and I being friends. I hope you two really are happy together." She hugged Sean quickly. "I better go sit down." With that, she left the room. A moment later, Matt stuck his head in.

"Okay, Dad, come with me. It's show time," he added.

********

The small string ensemble was playing softly as Annie began the ceremony by making her way down the aisle, carrying a bouquet of white roses. She took her place to the left side of the center, on the side where her father would be standing. Matt came in next, carrying Conor, and stood to the right.

Sean emerged from a door at the left side of the room, and Christian from a door at the right, moving toward each other until they met in the middle. Both refrained from touching just yet, even though it felt like a tangible physical need. Christian spoke first.

"Sean and I would like to welcome all of you, and thank you for coming to share today with us. We've taken a long road to get to this moment, and many of you have shared parts of that journey with us, and it wouldn't be the same without having you here to celebrate with us."

Sean spoke next. "And if our marriage can ever be legal in the State of California, you're all going to have to come back for another party and we'll get someone up here to preside over it. But for now, we decided this was between us, in front of our family and friends."

Turning to each other, Christian began, taking both Sean's hands in his. "I want you to promise me to never change, because I've loved you since I met you and I don't ever want to be with anyone but the person you are. I want you to always look at me the way you do now. I want you to promise me that you'll always love me for who I am, and you'll always see the best in me. I want you to always need me when things go wrong, and promise to need me just as much to celebrate when things go right. I want you to promise me a lifetime of raising and loving our kids together. I want you to promise me that you'll always be my love, my best friend, my partner, my anchor, and my home. If you'll promise me all that, I'll love you with all I am, as long as I live, and beyond, into whatever comes next." Christian's voice was strained as he finished his vows, and Sean reached up and lightly touched Christian's face.

"I do," Sean said, smiling, before starting his own vows. "I want you to promise to always remind me to laugh and enjoy life. I want you to make me take time to slow dance when we're late for a party. I want you to promise to always be there when I need you, and to always lean on me when you need me. I want you to always trust me with the best and the worst, to know that there's nothing we could ever face together that would make me stop loving you. I want you to promise to share with me the joys of raising our family. I want you to promise to argue with me when you think I'm full of it but stand by me anyway, to be my partner in our practice, and in our lives. I want your creativity, your sense of adventure, your ideas, and most of all, that smile I can't live without seeing every day. All I really want you to promise is that you'll always love me the way you do today, and that you'll be with me for the rest of our lives, because having you in my life is a gift that I'll never take for granted again. If you promise me that, I'll give you everything I am and all my love."

"I do," Christian said, smiling at Sean. Liz prompted Wilbur to walk up to them with the white satin pillow that bore their two rings. Sean took Christian's ring off the pillow first.

"I hope that whenever you look at this ring, you'll remember the promises we made today, and how much I love you," Sean said, slipping Christian's ring on his finger. Christian picked up Sean's ring.

"When you look at this ring, and I'm not with you, remember that wherever I am, I'm just biding my time until we're together again. I love you, Sean," he said, sliding the ring on Sean's finger.

"Daddy, are you gonna kiss Uncle Sean now?" Wilbur asked, and everyone, including Sean and Christian, laughed.

"Do you think I should?" Christian asked him.

"Yeah!" he said, nodding vigorously.

"Well, Sean, you heard the kid," Christian said, and with that, they moved toward each other, meeting in a kiss that felt like forever in coming. Eschewing the more tentative contact, Christian lived up to his vow to make Sean enjoy life by tightening his hold and turning the ceremonial kiss into a real one, with tongue, that lasted long enough to draw applause from their guests and leave them both a little breathless when it was over.

They hugged each other, and then started exchanging hugs with their children, and finally with the guests who started approaching to offer their congratulations. Kimber had been very unobtrusive when she arrived with Jenna, her presence raising more than a few eyebrows among their friends. Now, she approached Sean, carrying the baby.

"I thought you'd like to keep Jenna with you for a while so she can be in the family pictures," Kimber said, handing her to Sean, who gladly took his granddaughter in his arms. "Thank you for inviting me. You could have just asked to take Jenna for the day, I realize that."

"You're Jenna's mother, and for all the bad blood that's between all of us, we need to get over it for her. I don't want her picking up on stress between us all the time, and we want to have Jenna in our lives as much as possible."

"I'd like that," Kimber said, smiling. She became a little more serious. "Sean, I'm really happy for you and Christian. It's no secret how I've always felt about him, but no one could compete with you when it comes to how much he loves you. I hope you'll be happy together."

"Thank you. I know we will be."

"Kimber," Christian said, joining them. He kissed Jenna, and then put his arm around Sean.

"Congratulations, Christian," she said, giving him a little peck on the cheek. "I thought you should both know. I've left Ram, and I'm going to be working at re-energizing my career on my own."

"Don't you mean re-animating it?" Christian needled.

"I have a lot of options to pursue, but I'm living in my own place now, with Jenna - - I'll make sure Matt has my new address. Maybe sometimes when I'm working, she could spend more time with you both, and Matt, of course."

"Anytime. Just let us know so we're sure one of us or Rita is there," Sean said. His whole purpose in inviting Kimber and trying to "bury the hatchet" with her had been to get greater access to Jenna and to be sure they could monitor her for any signs of collagen, other bizarre enhancements, or any other kind of poor parenting practices.

The photographer approached them, and Kimber stepped back to be out of the frame. Sean took her arm and encouraged her to stay in the picture. Once it was taken, she was still smiling.

"That was very gracious of you, Sean."

"Someday when we're showing these pictures to Jenna, it'll be good for her to see us all getting along. This is her family, too, and you're her mother."

"I'll see you at the reception. Thank you again for the invitation," she said. After she left, Christian shook his head.

"You're good, Sean."

"It's not all bullshit, Christian. If we want to participate in raising Jenna, we can't just write Kimber off, as appealing as that is. At least this way, she feels we're not her enemies. Besides, I have no problem letting her think she's taking advantage of us for free childcare if it means we get what we want."

"Lizzie just gave me an earful for having her at the wedding. I told her it was your idea."

"Thanks," Sean replied, chuckling. "How did you get Julia here with Conor?"

"I called her a couple days ago and told her the truth. That part of you was missing without having him here, and that it didn't feel right to go through this milestone without all three of us together, the way we used to be." Christian smiled. "Mostly I knew how much you missed the little guy, so I wanted him here. I know how I felt when I lost Wilbur. We might not talk about it much, but I know how much it hurts to have Conor and Annie so far away. I also know that's probably why you're spoiling Matt rotten, because at least he's here."

"He's not going to do it on his own, so I can condemn him for that and let him flounder, or I can do everything I can to help him."

"You're a good father, Sean. I'm glad you're going to be in Wilbur's life, raising him with me."

"So am I. I just hope we can do enough for Jenna," he said, smiling at the little girl.

"It's time for pictures," Christian said.

The guests moved on to the room where the reception was being held, and the photographer worked with the family to take formal portraits before they joined their guests for dinner, cutting the cake, and dancing.

********

The dining room was decorated in silver and white, and the guests dined on stuffed shrimp and lobster and assorted gourmet delicacies. As dinner wound down, Matt stood to do his duty toasting the happy couple. Neither of them were quite sure what to expect, but he had been nothing but supportive since he found out, so they were looking forward to his toast.

"If somebody had told me that I'd be standing here making a wedding toast to my two dads, I never would have believed it. Nobody could have told me that Dad or Christian were into guys. Maybe it's good that I found out the way I did, because I could see that it didn't have anything to do with gay or straight. It was about that bond that's always been there between them. I walked in on them - - no, not doing that," he paused, and there was laughter from the guests, and Sean and Christian. "They were slow dancing. I thought at first maybe they were joking, messing around or something. But they were just slow dancing, at home, when they were already late to go out. And anyone who knows Christian will back me up on this - - I've never heard him sing a note in my life, except for maybe the 'itsy bitsy spider' thing when Annie was like, two, or something. He was singing to my dad, real low. It was like nobody else existed. They didn't even notice me there. I want to toast that kind of love, and hope that someday, somebody looks at me the way they look at each other, and that they have a long life to be together."

"We raised a good kid," Christian whispered to Sean, as they raised their glasses to acknowledge the toast. Both stood and they shared a quick three-way hug with Matt.

"I'd like to make a toast, if you don't mind," Liz said, standing.

"We'd be honored," Sean responded. The two of them sat down again, and she began.

"I think it's the 600 pound gorilla in the corner that Christian and I were briefly engaged," she began. "In old times, Christian probably would have teased me that I was the 600 pound gorilla in the corner," she said, and everyone laughed, including Christian, who knew he was guilty as charged. "I tried to be angry about this whole situation, but then I realized that Sean and Christian have always been meant for each other. It was always there in the way they looked at each other, loved each other, fought with each other, and then pined for each other until they made up again. I'm glad they finally overcame the barriers that were keeping them apart. I don't think I've ever known two people more completely in love with each other that I seriously thought could make a go of spending a lifetime together. I hope it's a long and happy one for both of you."

"Thanks, Lizzie," Christian said, speaking for both of them. Then they stood. "I want to drink to my partner. From the first time we met, I've loved looking into those beautiful blue eyes of yours. It's like you always saw the best in me, the potential...you wouldn't give up on me in med school even when there were times I was sure I wasn't going to make it. Just like our friendship, where one of us went, the other one better be welcome...you weren't going to be a doctor without me. We had a life to build together, and we did that, somehow, even without realizing we were marrying each other. We built a business together, raised a family together, and finally, found our way to each other this way. I've been searching for something all my life, and the first time we made love, it all fell into place, and I'm not searching anymore. I love you, Sean, and I'm so grateful you're going to share your forever with me." He tapped Sean's glass, and they embraced, holding on tightly for a brief second before Sean backed away, brushing his hand past his eyes.

"I knew I should go first," he quipped, clearing his throat and swallowing to keep his composure. "When I thought I was going to lose you, I experienced more than just the fear of having to say goodbye. Ever since I decided I wanted to be a surgeon, my hands have meant everything to me. I avoided playing sports in high school because I didn't want to risk breaking something that would reduce my sensitivity or jeopardize my goal. And now, they're my livelihood." Sean paused, his eyes filling. "But I would have given them both without even hesitating if I could have used them to bargain your life back to keep you with me. That's when I realized how much I loved you, because the part of me that defines me, supports me, has been the source of my greatest successes...meant nothing to me without you. The practice meant nothing to me. The only reason I wanted to live at all was because of Matt, Annie, Conor, Wilbur, and Jenna. I wanted to be the father, grandfather, and uncle they needed, and I wanted you to live on for them through me. I always knew it deep down, but there was no denying that what I felt for you didn't respect our gender, what anyone else might think, even what we thought, and all the barriers we'd put up over the years to keep it at bay. My light, joy, and reason for embracing life was all tied up in you. You have my heart, and probably always have since we were in college. It's always been you, Christian. I loved you the most, the longest, and with the most joy and passion," Sean said, not caring if a couple tears escaped. Christian was wiping at his eyes, too. Sean couldn't resist relieving him with just a little humor, "I mostly want to thank you for buying my lunch that day in the cafeteria to get me to tutor you, and not Joe Marshall, who was always neck and neck with me for the high scores, or it might have been him standing here instead of me."

Christian laughed out loud at that and hugged Sean, holding onto him for several long seconds while they both sniffled a little at the emotional words they'd exchanged. Then they raised their glasses and toasted each other, sipping the champagne and then giving in to a long, passionate kiss that rivaled the one sealing their vows. "There could never be anyone standing in your place, sweetheart," Christian said to Sean, not really addressing it to the guests, but not caring if they heard it.

The happy couple moved on to cutting the cake, and finally launched the partying in earnest by moving to the dance floor for their first dance. They'd spent some long hours downloading music and sifting through songs, but this one had struck a deep chord in both of them, and it seemed natural. The band singer's clear tenor sang the words they'd listened to together, sharing a pair of earbuds on their bed with the laptop between them, realizing they'd found the perfect song.

Last night I had a crazy dream

A wish was granted just for me

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money

Or a mansion in Malibu

I simply wished

For one more day with you

One more day, one more time

One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again, I know what it would do

Leave me wishin' still

For one more day with you

First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl

I'd unplug the telephone and keep the TV off

I'd hold you every second, say a million "I love you's"

That's what I'd do with one more day with you...

The other guests joined them on the dance floor, and the rest of the evening was passed with dancing, drinking champagne, and eating wedding cake. As the party began winding down a bit, there was one more surprise in store.

"This isn't much, but I couldn't really picture buying you guys dishes or something," Matt said, holding out an envelope that Sean took.

"You didn't have to get us anything, Matt. I know money's tight for you right now." Sean was glad Christian refrained from pointing out that it was probably Sean's or his money that Matt used.

"Grandma sends me money once in a while, and I've been putting that aside for something...I'm not sure what exactly...but I really wanted to do this for you."

Sean opened the enveloped. It was a reservation confirmation for a room at the Beverly Hills Hotel. "Matt, this is too much," he said.

"You guys shouldn't have to spend your wedding night at home with Wilbur and me. Annie's going to stay with Mom at Liz's. I've rented some kid movies and Wilbur'll be out like a light anyway after all the partying. Go have fun. You'll still have a couple days to spend with Annie and Conor before they go back home and you leave for Italy. Mom sprang for the limo that's out front to take you over there. I packed some stuff for you. It's in the car."

"I'm not sure how you pulled it off, but this was really nice, Matty," Christian said, hugging him. "Thanks."

"Thanks, Matt," Sean said, giving him a hug, too. "This was very thoughtful."

"Get out of here while the stragglers are distracted by the chocolate fountain," Matt said, indicating a few diehard guests who were making yet another visit to the chocolate attraction.

"We should get one of those," Christian said. He smiled wickedly at the uncomfortable look on Sean's face at his reference to their recent chocolate-and-strawberry escapade.

********

The white stretch limo delivered them to the Beverly Hills Hotel by late evening, and both were looking forward to relaxing and having some time alone together. Their room was elegantly furnished and decorated in soft pastel shades. The marble bathroom offered both a large garden tub and a generous shower stall, and their balcony overlooked the city, offering a beautiful view of the lights.

"You think Matt sold the silver to pay for this?" Christian joked.

"I think he did just what he said he did. I know Erica sends him money from time to time, so he must have been saving up for something and used it for this instead. It's not like we gave everyone a lot of notice."

"Trust me, judging by some of the stuff Lizzie was going through that people were sending us, we were far better off just asking people to donate to charity instead of buying us gifts."

"Feels good to be somewhere quiet, alone with you," Sean said, sitting on the foot of the bed and pulling off his shoes. "I'd forgotten what a bitch those things can be after a few hours," he said of the black dress shoes he used anytime he needed a tux for something.

Christian sat down next to him and took his own shoes off. "My partner taught me that the best way to get naked fast was to take your shoes off first."

"They have champagne for us," Sean observed.

"That's nice. But I'd rather concentrate on you." He reached up and touched Sean's face, gently turning his head for a kiss.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you how incredible you looked today," Sean said. "When you came out that door and started walking toward me, I was blown away."

"When you came toward me, I just wanted to be alone with you and make love to you and forget about all the people there." Christian kissed Sean again. "But I'm glad we did it, that we had the wedding, and all the trimmings. I always wanted that, when I found the right person."

"It was a beautiful experience," Sean agreed. "You were right. What we have together deserved as much ceremony and celebration as anyone else's love and commitment."

"It deserves a really hot wedding night, too, don't you think?" Christian asked, tugging at Sean's tie.

"You're pretty damn good at taking these off," Sean said, as the tie was removed and tossed aside with smoothness and flair. Christian slid Sean's suit coat off his shoulders, and Sean took it the rest of the way off, just as anxious to be out of it as Christian was to get it off him. Christian took off his own jacket while Sean removed his tie, and started unbuttoning Christian's shirt.

Christian returned the favor, and smiled as he started opening Sean's shirt and vest. There was no t-shirt there. "I thought I'd save you some frustration," Sean quipped, grinning. Christian smiled, leaning forward, kissing the hollow of Sean's throat, trailing his lips down Sean's chest as he continued opening the shirt and vest, tugging the shirt free of Sean's pants and pushing it back, taking Sean in his arms and kissing every part of his chest. Sean didn't mind letting Christian take the lead for now. They had all night, and he hoped this was how they'd be spending most of it. It felt good to be the object of such passion, and Sean never got tired of being wanted the way Christian wanted him.

They tipped back on the bed, and Christian was busily working at unfastening Sean's belt and getting his pants off, putting his mouth to work on licking and sucking Sean's nipples to hardness. Sean caressed Christian's head, relaxing on the bed and letting Christian make love to him. He lifted up and let his pants, underwear, and socks be stripped away, and he was glad to see them go.

Watching Christian stop long enough to throw aside his shirt and vest, then his pants and briefs, was as much of a turn-on as the touching itself was. He knew Christian worried, obsessively at times, about his looks and keeping them in defiance of the progression of time, but looking at a naked Christian leaning over him, he couldn't find a single thing he'd sculpt, enhance, reduce, suture, or otherwise re-do to make him perfect. He'd told Christian he was a perfect male specimen, but maybe he needed to hear it again, from his lover, instead of from his best friend and fellow plastic surgeon.

Sean ran his hands over Christian's abs and chest, letting them map the territory in lingering caresses that were ends in themselves. "You're really beautiful...you're more than what the best plastic surgeon could sculpt," he said, running his hands around Christian's sides to his back, pulling him down on top of him, loving the feeling of Christian's naked body pressing him into the bed. Christian just stared into his eyes a moment, as if he had to process that comment before answering. Sean knew Christian's self-image had taken a beating during his illness, and to some extent before, when his chance for fame had slipped away so quickly and unexpectedly focused on Sean.

"After the reconstruction, I wasn't so sure about that."

"I saw your scar, Christian, even before we fixed it. One scar, one natural flaw...it didn't matter. I understood why it bothered you, but when I saw you, you still looked like the same beautiful man you always were. Maybe part of that was the grace and dignity you had while you were sick. It amazed me." Sean traced with his finger the tiny line that remained from the implant procedure. "Even marble statues of perfection have lines, Christian."

"I didn't feel very graceful," he admitted. "I was pale and sick and had one saggy tit."

"You've never been anything but beautiful to me." Sean took Christian's face in both hands. "Time doesn't matter, an illness doesn't matter. Your classically handsome bone structure, your eyes, that smile that lights up your face...and everything for about ten miles around you...your charm and your grace...those are things we couldn't give someone artificially. What you are, we couldn't create, and we couldn't improve on it. It's an innate beauty and sensuality that can only be natural."

Christian kissed him hard, his tongue demanding entrance, possessing Sean's mouth with an intensity that would have been almost frightening with anyone but Christian. His hard cock rubbed insistently against Sean's body, and Sean knew his own erection was pressing against Christian, but neither one wanted to let go just yet. When they finally broke away from kissing, Christian moved down, alternating between kissing and dragging his tongue down Sean's belly to his navel, nipping at the edges of it, purposely keeping the touches light enough to make Sean laugh, finding the little ticklish spots and teasing them before moving down farther, ignoring the growing erection for a moment, pushing Sean's thighs apart and up, kissing and licking the undersides of them.

Sean clutched at the sheets, partly in arousal, but partly to steady his nerves. He liked the feeling of what Christian was doing, but he felt exposed, and as much as he hated himself for it, he felt nervous having what felt like a very vulnerable part of him so accessible. Still, he trusted Christian, and he knew his partner would never hurt him, and never do anything he wasn't ready for.

"Relax, sweetheart," Christian said, as if reading his mind. "I'm going to make you feel really good down here." He went back to Sean's thighs, his mouth moving over them as if he wanted his lips or tongue, or both, on every inch of them. Then he moved down to the tender skin behind Sean's balls, teasing it with his tongue, then sucking it, marking it.

"Oh, God," Sean gasped, his cock hard and longing for some attention. Christian wasn't finished yet. He started kissing around Sean's exposed opening, touching it with nothing but the lightest brush of his lips, and the occasional flick of his tongue. When he thought Sean had enough teasing, he guided his legs back down to the bed and took Sean's erection in his mouth, sucking him as if he were a better delicacy than any of the finest foods at their reception.

When he came, Sean felt like the orgasm came from the pit of his soul, or maybe somewhere deeper and more primal. He let out an unrestrained cry of pleasure, not caring if the whole world heard it. He couldn't remember ever letting out a cry like that in bed in his life, but the way he felt now, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

"You're beautiful right after you come," Christian said, moving up to lie next to him, leaning up on one elbow, smiling down at Sean.

"I know now why they call it the little death. I don't think I can move."

"You have to. I need that talented mouth of yours for some unfinished business," he said, nudging Sean with his cock. Sean laughed at that, loving that Christian was asking for what he wanted, that they were comfortable enough to not obsess over sex etiquette, and liking it even better that he was the one who could give him what he was after.

"Bring it up here," Sean said. "I'm not moving."

"Lazy ass," Christian teased, but moved up, straddling Sean, bringing his cock within easy reach of Sean's mouth. Sean took his time pleasuring him, licking and sucking at the large erection, stroking Christian's hip with his free hand, letting it wander around to his ass, rubbing and squeezing his cheek while he sucked, the dual sensation drawing a moan from Christian.

Trusting Christian to control his thrusts in this position, Sean took his hand off Christian's cock and began fondling the other cheek, so both his hands were on Christian's ass while the large cock was in his mouth. Despite his anxiousness, Christian took it easy on him, keeping his thrusts gentle and shallow enough not to choke Sean, since he didn't have the knack of deep throating in his repertoire of talents just yet. But he did have swallowing mastered, and he took in whatever Christian had to offer as he let out a loud shout, enjoying not having to worry about anyone overhearing it.

He flopped on his back next to Sean, letting out a long breath. "I'm going to try to learn to take it down my throat. I just can't seem to master it."

"There's no rush. Do you hear me complaining?"

"If that's a complaint, I'd hate to hear what you sound like when you're having fun," Sean replied.

"It's weird, but one of the worst memories I have is feeling like I was going to suffocate when that thing would go down my throat. I couldn't breathe, I wanted to throw up but I couldn't do that either because my mouth and my throat were blocked off. My throat hurt afterwards." Christian sat up, running his hand over his face. "And now, I'm glad I know how to do that because it makes you feel good. I like to do it for you and I'm glad I'm good at it. But another part of me doesn't want to make you do that, because I don't want you to feel those awful feelings, and I don't want to hurt you."

"What happened to you when you were younger...it's part of you, and it's kind of unrealistic for us to think that you'll never dig up any bad memories having sex on a regular basis with a man. You said yourself that what I went through had nothing to do with how sex would be between us, and you're right, it doesn't- - and when it comes to you being inside me, I know it won't be anything like that. Just because Troy made you do something against your will doesn't mean there's something wrong with you for enjoying the same physical act when you're old enough to handle it, and you're doing it with someone out of love." Sean sat up next to him. "Do you want to talk about it? Because it's okay if you need to get some things off your chest." Sean rubbed Christian's back gently, then slid his arm around him, resting his cheek against Christian's shoulder.

"I just don't want you to feel...used. I always felt used, guilty...dirty. He treated me like a sex toy with a heartbeat. He didn't care if he hurt me, he didn't care if I was tired or sick...or sore from the last time he did something to me. If I complained when I was little, he'd just hit me. If I complained when I got older, he just sweetened the pot with more money or another thing I wanted."

"Now you can see it as 'sweetening the pot,' but back then, that was the only love you got. A present, some money, the old bastard coming and then patting you on the head for a job well done." Sean paused. "I wish I could dig him up, revive him, and kill the piece of shit slowly, using all my skills as a surgeon to be sure he enjoyed it to the fullest."

"I thought he loved me. I know now he didn't care anything about me."

"He was a horribly sick, perverted predator. Maybe that was his version of love." Sean sighed, squeezing Christian's shoulders. "I could never feel used by you, Christian. I know how you feel about me. Nobody's ever treated me the way you do, in bed or out of it. We're both still new at this. If we ever do hurt each other, it'll be an accident, and it won't change anything. We'll learn from it together and move on."

"I'm sorry I brought this up now. Some romantic wedding night conversation."

"It's been a great wedding night so far. We're sitting naked on an expensive bedspread we've graced with assorted body fluids, and we still have all night ahead of us."

"Maybe we should take that champagne into the bathroom and soak in that big tub for a while."

"And then come back to bed and take advantage of not worrying about anyone overhearing us," Sean added.

"During our trip to Italy, we'll have our own villa in Tuscany for a few days. We could just skip touring the countryside and spend three days naked, just swimming, eating, and making love - - not necessarily in that order."

"I do still want that cooking lesson with the countess," Sean said, referring to one of the highlights of the Tuscany leg of the journey.

"I'll teach you how to make something Italian and you can come to my lesson naked."

"Just as long as I'm the only student, you've got yourself a deal."

They spent a long time soaking in the tub, sipping champagne, just stretched out together, talking about their ceremony and reception, and deciding little details for their upcoming trip. They dried off and went to bed, spending the first few hours taking a much needed nap, then woke up and made love again, relishing the romance and intimacy of their special night until the sunrise was just beginning to filter through the drapes. After breakfast in their robes in the room, they enjoyed a quiet walk through the hotel's lush gardens, holding hands and taking advantage of the last couple hours of quiet togetherness before they rejoined the real world again.

********

"This suite is incredible," Sean said, wandering around the top floor suite of the five-star hotel in the heart of Rome. Christian hadn't been kidding when he said they were going first class all the way.

"I stayed here the last time I was in Rome, but I just had one of the guest rooms. This time, I wanted the suite."

"Are you sorry we didn't bring Wilbur? I know you were planning to take him along when you made the arrangements for you and Liz."

"We have plenty of time to show Wilbur Italy. I wanted to concentrate on showing it to you this time. When I made those plans, I thought I had to do everything in a few months - - that I'd never have a chance again to show Wilbur the sights... He's still so young, I think he'll get more out of it in a few years."

"The view is remarkable," Sean said, looking out the glass panes of the doors leading onto their own private terrace.

"Let's have a closer look," Christian suggested, opening the doors and stepping out on the terrace. Sean joined him, looking out at the rooftops of Rome with an expression of awe.

"It's amazing," he said, leaning over the railing a bit to take in as much of the view of the city as he could from their vantage point. He smiled when he looked at Christian, who was watching him with a little grin. "What?"

"I can't wait to show you everything here, in Venice, and Florence. Take you shopping in Milan..."

"Your eyes lit up like Christmas when you mentioned Milan. Still planning on a whole new wardrobe?"

"All the top Italian designers have stores in Milan, Sean. I haven't been here in years. I'm overdue. So are you, my friend."

"I'll just go along to carry your shopping bags," Sean joked. "I want a few things, but I don't need a new wardrobe."

"Since when did 'need' have anything to do with shopping for designer clothes?"

"Clearly it doesn't," Sean responded, smiling. "Your clothes are beautiful, Christian, and they look great on you. Half your closet's Armani and the other half is Gucci."

"Then I probably should pick up some Versace for sure," he said, leaning on the railing.

"What's on our agenda for tonight?"

"I thought we'd just have dinner in the room and sleep off the flight...maybe make a little love while we're at it."

"Come on, Christian, you've been raving about the wonderful cuisine since we took off from LAX. We have to at least go to one of those restaurants you told me about. We could take a nap and still have time to go out for dinner."

"Okay, you win," Christian said, chuckling.

"So what's first on the agenda tomorrow?"

"Ancient Rome day - - the Colosseum, the Forum, the Baths of Caracalla."

"Roman public baths, huh?" Sean started unbuttoning his shirt. "There's a hell of a nice shower stall in there, and I could use a shower before that nap," he said.

"Now you're talking," Christian agreed, pulling Sean into his arms and backing them into the suite, pausing for kisses before heading to the bathroom, tossing their traveling clothes in a heap on the floor before stepping into the oversized marble shower and starting up the dual shower heads.

"Full sized soaps," Sean joked. "They really do spoil you here," he added.

"Let me show you the meaning of the word 'spoil'," Christian said, pressing his body against Sean's, holding him against the tiles while he kissed him passionately. Taking a bar of soap in his hands, he created a lather and setting the soap aside, started running his hands over Sean's skin in swirling motions. A moment later, he felt Sean's soap-slicked hands returning the caresses.

"I want you, Christian," Sean breathed against his ear. "I want to be inside you," he added. He kissed Christian's mouth, his chin, his jaw, working his way down to his throat. "I love you," he said against Christian's neck before sucking the soft skin gently, leaving a little mark. He moved around Christian's back, leaving his spot against the tiles. He turned the soap in his hands again, lathering Christian's back, tracing every inch of skin with loving, meticulous strokes of his hands. He pressed his body to Christian's back and slid his hands around to his chest, slick hands rubbing over Christian's nipples, pausing to gently roll them in his fingers, bringing them to hardness.

Christian covered Sean's hands with his, linking their fingers, angling his head back for an awkward kiss.

"There's bath oil on the tub," he said. "Let's use that."

"I'll get it," Sean said, kissing Christian's shoulder. He slipped out of the shower stall and returned a moment later, the little bottle of herbal bath oil in his hand. Christian felt him close by again, planting little kisses across his back, his chest brushing against Christian's back as his hand, slick with bath oil, gently slipped between his cheeks. Sean didn't breach his opening right away. For now, he just ran a couple slick fingers up and down his crack, his other hand straying around to pump Christian's cock.

Sean's finger slid carefully into Christian's center, spreading the bath oil and relaxing him. Then he added a second finger, carefully stretching and preparing Christian as the hand job was bringing him to full hardness. A moment later, Sean withdrew his fingers and Christian felt the head of Sean's cock against his opening, pushing slowly but steadily until it slipped inside him.

When they were fully joined, Sean wrapped his arms around Christian, resting his cheek against Christian's shoulder blade. He began to move slowly, sliding in and out of Christian. The movement felt good, and Christian began to move with Sean, until they fell into a perfect rhythm together. Sean stroked Christian's cock with one hand, while the other slid over Christian's chest and belly in long caresses. When they came, they came together, their shared climax sweet and intense. As Sean reluctantly slipped free of Christian's body, Christian turned and pulled him close for a long kiss. They soaped each other and let the spray of water rinse them off before stepping out of the shower and drying off.

They climbed into the lushly appointed king sized bed, settling among the ample number of pillows, snuggled naked together in the middle.

"I'm sleepier than I thought," Sean admitted, letting his eyes drift shut.

"The jet lag has a tendency to hit you like a ton of bricks if you don't get a little extra rest," Christian said, kissing the end of Sean's nose. "I set the alarm so we don't sleep too late, but if we have dinner around ten or so, we're still okay." He took Sean's left hand, and looked at the wedding ring there. "I never get sick of seeing this on your hand."

"Same here," Sean said, smiling and moving Christian's hand so he could see his ring.

"Close your eyes," Christian said, moving even closer. "Get some sleep and we'll hit one of the best restaurants in town." Once Sean closed his eyes, Christian watched him for a few minutes, the sight of Sean's peaceful face relaxing him until he dozed off himself, their hands still joined.

********

Sean woke before the alarm, turning it off. It was almost nine o'clock, giving them plenty of time to get dressed and enjoy a late dinner. He didn't really remember what time it was in Los Angeles, and he smiled at the realization that he didn't care. Christian was used to traveling out of the country and figuring out the time differences, so he'd rely on him to time calls home. He looked at the object of his affections, lying on his back, dead to the world, his head turned toward Sean, one hand next to his face on the pillow, the other arm over his middle where the sheet covered the lower half of his body.

Smiling, Sean leaned up on one elbow, settling in to watch Christian sleep, at least for a little while. He wished he had a knack with poetry, because he wanted so badly to find a way to express what he felt for Christian, how much in love with him he was at that moment, watching the handsome face at complete peace, but with the flush of good health in his coloring. He ventured to lightly touch the dark hair, feeling its softness under his fingers, looking at the dark brows and dark lashes that would open to frame those striking blue eyes.

Sean had always felt conflicted about the existence of God up in the Heavens running things. Part of him wanted to dismiss all that in the name of science, and yet another part of him longed to believe in the soul, in eternity, in miracles. Christian's life being spared had a very mundane explanation - - someone wasn't watching what he was doing with labeling some samples in a lab. No miracles there. But Christian did beat the cancer, did send it packing into remission. That, too, was science. And yet part of it felt miraculous. Christian was a gift. He always had been, but even more so now. Part of Sean harbored an unspeakable fear deep inside...that someday, the cancer would come back. His eyes filled at the thought, and he blinked the moisture away. There was no point in becoming obsessed with the fear of what would probably never be.

Maybe he longed for the faith to pray to a benevolent and fatherly God who would let him have Christian forever, not tear him away at some other premature time after they had rejoiced so fully in planning their future together, in being given their tomorrows back.

Banishing the sobering thoughts, he went back to just watching his lover sleeping, not quite ready to disturb him and shatter the fragile moment of just being near him, watching him, being in love with him.

********

Rome held all the historic richness it was purported to have. Sean found himself giving their new digital camera a vigorous workout as they walked the same paths as the ancient Romans, visiting the Coliseum, the Forum, the Arch of Constantine, Palatine Hill, and anything else of historic significance in the immediate area. There was no need for a tour guide; Christian could prattle off the top of his head the pertinent history of each site they visited. For a student who had to be dragged through some of their med school classes screaming and kicking, Christian was in his element amidst the stone reminders of the pageantry and power of the old Roman Empire. He loved Italy and its attractions, and he was relishing showing all of it to Sean, who was an eager tourist, never having seen anything beyond the US borders.

Sean resolved that soon, they'd make return trips here and to other places overseas with Matt, Annie, Wilbur, Conor, and Jenna, as soon as the youngest in the group were old enough to take in the sights. The thought of navigating Europe with three small children in tow caused him to amend that thought to include one small child per trip, but even so, he wanted his children and grandchild to experience the same awe he felt himself at being immersed in such remarkable history.

During their three days in Rome, they managed to take a tour of the Catacombs, visit the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel, and spend a long afternoon touring a few of the most renowned museums. As the sun set on their third day in Rome, Sean had to admit he'd had a workout, since Christian was a tireless tourist. As they sat in an open air cafe enjoying chocolate gelato, he was grateful to be sitting instead of walking for a while.

"You look tired," Christian said, pulling his designer sunglasses down just a bit to look at Sean.

"I am, a little, but I'm having a great time," he said. There was no way he would do anything to dampen Christian's enthusiasm for this trip, and he'd get his second wind before they hit Florence the next day. The mixture of plentiful wine and a panorama of rich foods hadn't done his stomach any favors by the previous night, but he'd given himself a break today and managed to find some lighter alternatives that had him feeling back to his usual self.

"Stomach still okay?"

"Fine. Don't worry about me, Christian, I'm fine."

"I love you. That means I get to worry about you." Christian covered Sean's hand with his own. "Why didn't we ever take a trip together before?"

"When you were available, I was married, and when I was available, you were with someone. If I took a vacation, I had to take one with the family when I was with Julia. I took so little time off that I couldn't really get away with going with you."

"We just never took any 'buddy trips,' you know?"

"We don't fish, we don't golf, we don't hunt...any other sort of trip we'd take, the women in our lives would want to be in on. I couldn't really go with you to Italy and leave my wife and kids at home."

"I guess not. This is going to sound weird, but in all the years we've been together, we haven't had time to just have fun together. Go on a vacation. Be together when we weren't working or worrying about something."

"Before we got together, before everything with Liz and..."

"The cancer. You can say it, Sean. It's not like the old Bloody Mary legend - - it won't come back because you say it five times." Christian was trying for humor, but truth be told, Sean almost did dread saying the word. As if some renegade cells in Christian's body would hear him, or worse, that Higher Power he was so conflicted about would hear it and decide to smite them with it again. "Sean," Christian squeezed his hand. "I'm okay."

"I know. It's just hard to say the word. Crazy, isn't it? Here I am, a surgeon, and I'm afraid to say that word about you, as if it's some kind of curse."

"Then we don't have to say it."

"Are you ever afraid of it?" Sean asked, not wanting to talk about it, and yet needing to talk to Christian about what was a very real fear lurking in the back of his mind.

"I know it could come back, but I refuse to live in fear of it. But sure, it damn near killed me. I'm afraid of it. What it could take away from us. I just have to be committed to staying healthy, getting checked regularly, and if it ever pops up again, giving the bitch the same run for its money I gave it the last time."

"I'm sorry I brought it up. I didn't mean to spoil what's been a terrific day."

"You didn't. You couldn't. I'm sitting in the sunshine in Rome, holding your hand, showing you all the places and things I love, and tonight, we're having a private moonlit dinner on our terrace overlooking the hotel's garden, and then we'll probably spend most of the night making love," he said, kissing the back of Sean's hand. "How could you possibly ruin that?"

"Moonlit dinner on the terrace, huh? Sounds like the best part of the whole day. Well, except for the making love part that comes afterwards," he added, grinning.

"If you're a good boy, I'll give you a foot massage when we get back to the hotel."

"Just name your price," Sean quipped, laughing.

"You started to say something before, when we got sidetracked."

"I was just going to say that the last year or so, living with you and Wilbur? I've had some of the happiest times of my life. Living with you has been great. It's why I talked about getting my own place once in a while but never did. I loved being with you, raising Wilbur with you. We really haven't had a lot of time together outside work, for all the years we've been together. It's been really special. I know you didn't have to take me in when you moved out here. You could have left me in my crappy little apartment."

"Oh, bullshit. There's no way I was going live it up in the Hollywood Hills while you were eating TV dinners in that rathole. Besides, living the dream was a hell of a lot more fun with you there to share it. Anyway, you weren't a penniless boarder for very long."

"Long enough," Sean replied.

"You up for one last stop before we head back to the hotel?"

"Sure."

"I thought we could hit a few of the shops, maybe pick up a few souvenirs."

"Sounds like a good idea, since this is our last day here. I want to get the kids something in each city we visit."

"Next year, we'll bring Annie clothes shopping in Milan for back to school."

"And you're worried about me spoiling Matt?" Sean asked, shaking his head.

"It's about time she started developing a taste for haute couture," Christian said, finishing up his gelato.

"Oh, don't worry, she's doing all right. She's already got a Prada purse, Juicy Couture perfume, and some other brand of obscenely expensive shoes Julia wouldn't buy for her. If it were biologically possible, I'd say she inherited your shopping gene."

"Osmosis," Christian suggested, grinning. "I have a little surprise for you between here and Florence."

"What kind of surprise?"

"Let's just say there's a one-night detour in our itinerary, and we'll be living like kings."

"I thought we were already doing that in our five-star hotel," Sean said.

"Think more authentic than that. That's all I'm going to say."

"Great. You know this is going to drive me nuts now."

"I know," Christian said, smiling unrepentantly.

********

Christian sped down the winding country road in their rented Ferrari. They were just a few miles away from their destination, and though Sean was enjoying the ride, Christian knew the curiosity was killing him. He knew they were staying in their own villa later in the trip, so what Christian had up his sleeve now had Sean stumped. A few moments later, Christian drove through a set of large iron gates, to the front entrance of a castle.

"What is this place?" Sean asked, taking in the iron gates, aged stone facade, and tower.

"It's a hotel," Christian replied. "In an authentic eleventh century castle. We have a suite in the tower."

"It's amazing," Sean said, getting out of the car as Christian did. Predictably, Sean had the camera in action, capturing the exterior of the building.

A valet parked their rental car while a young man in a hotel uniform took care of their bags. The lobby of the hotel was presumably the great room of the castle, the ceilings a dizzying height above the guests, the walls adorned with tapestries, giant urns and other objects d'art accenting the huge space, which held antique furnishings and the strong sense of the past in the air.

They checked in, and were escorted to the elevator, which took them up to their suite, high in the castle's restored tower. The room was as spectacular, with vaulted, wood-beamed ceilings, a huge canopy bed with a headboard and footboard that were works of art in themselves with ornate floral designs and gilt swirls, heavy antique chairs upholstered with rich, elegant fabrics, and full length windows adorned with heavy tie back drapes. The view of the sprawling wine country below was nothing short of awe-inspiring.

The bathroom offered a jacuzzi tub, steam room and shower, all marble and accented with heavy brass hardware. The window was positioned so guests could relax in the jacuzzi and enjoy the panoramic view.

Christian had taken a seat in one of the large chairs, and was smiling as he watched Sean investigate the opulence of their surroundings. Though they had yet to hit the superstores of Milan, Christian had talked Sean into a little clothes shopping in Rome, and insisted on the Armani outfit he was wearing now. The moment he'd seen the clothes, he knew how they'd look on Sean, and was determined to add them to his partner's wardrobe. The tan linen pants and pale cream colored linen shirt and the coordinating jacket with the Nehru collar were nothing short of stunning on his partner, and Christian was enjoying watching Sean as much as he was taking in the elegant accommodations. He was relaxing in a castle, watching Sean wander around in an Armani outfit he'd have never talked him into back in the States. Personally, he was enjoying his new black Versace shirt accented with a subtle pattern featuring the designer's crest, and black Gucci pants. How could life get any better? And we haven't even hit Milan yet...

"I thought we'd take a break from the whole tourist hype for a day. Maybe take a walk around the gardens later, have dinner on the terrace - - I hear the view is great from that side of the castle. Maybe check out the steam room and the jacuzzi."

"You look like an Italian prince sitting there," Sean said, sitting in the chair next to Christian's.

"I do, huh?" Christian asked, smiling.

"You're elegant, Christian. You fit here, with all this opulence and all these beautiful things."

"I'm seeing them with new eyes, having you with me," Christian said, holding out his hand until Sean took it. "Do you like it?"

"It's remarkable," Sean said, looking around again. "Mostly I like this," he said, squeezing Christian's hand. "Just being with you. The five star hotels are great, but they'd be nothing without you."

"I'm realizing how hollow they were the last few times I was here alone, or finding some anonymous woman I'd never see again to share it with me while I was here. I feel like I've been to Italy for the first time, being here with you."

"Maybe we should try out that steam room."

With towels handy, and towels cushioning the bench seat, they settled next to each other to enjoy the steam for a while. Sean couldn't remember ever being in a steam room naked, without a towel over or around something, and he was enjoying the experience. After three days of heavy tourist activity, doing nothing was a nice break in the action. Christian seemed content to just share the togetherness and the restful silence. There was something more romantic than Sean expected about closing out the rest of the world, and just sitting here with Christian in this steamy little room, with nothing more exciting on the agenda than a soak in the jacuzzi once they felt they were properly steamed.

"They do in-room massages here," Christian said. "You want to do that?"

"I don't think so, but you go ahead if you want. You can give me one later," Sean added, smiling. He was still resting his head against the wall, and hadn't opened his eyes for the question.

"One of your massages will do nicely," Christian replied, a smile in his voice. "I thought you might like to just be lazy and let someone else do the work."

"If I'm going to lie on a cot naked, I'd rather have your hands all over me," Sean said. That was in large part true, but the second part of the equation was that Sean really didn't want to have his back and ass handled by a total stranger after what he'd been through less than a month earlier. Christian's touch was one thing, but he wasn't prepared to trust anyone else that completely just yet.

"That jacuzzi's calling my name," Christian said, letting the other subject drop.

"I'm going from relaxingly steamed to sweating like a pig," Sean agreed.

"Quit trying to turn me on," Christian joked, and they abandoned the steam experience to soak in the warm bubbling waters of the jacuzzi, this time with an expensive bottle of vintage wine to split while they soaked.

Before long, Christian moved from his side of the jacuzzi to spend a little quality time with his partner, sharing wine-flavored kisses and rubbing their water-slick erections together. Christian pulled Sean close, running his hands up and down his back, both men arching into the friction of their bodies. Christian's hand slid down Sean's back to his ass, his fingers straying into the cleft there. They were kissing, their bodies pressed together, water splashing around them as they made love, and as Sean thrust into the shared pressure of their groins against each other, Christian's finger slipped partway inside Sean's opening.

"Christian, don't," Sean said, pushing away. He retreated in one smooth move to the side of the jacuzzi, feeling the need to be protected from behind by something. He didn't know if Christian's finger actually hurt him or not, but it scared the hell out of him and he didn't want any part of it.

"I didn't mean to do that," Christian said, looking crestfallen, as if he'd done something awful to Sean. "Did I hurt you?" he asked gently, reaching out to touch Sean's shoulder. Sean flinched, and Christian withdrew his hand.

"I'm sorry," Sean said finally, feeling terrible about flinching, and yet not really wanting anyone touching him right then, especially not when he felt that naked and vulnerable. "I'm sorry, Christian."

"You don't have to be sorry. I understand."

"You didn't do anything wrong. It just startled me."

"Maybe this isn't the place to have this conversation. I'll dry off and give you a few minutes to get your head together." Christian got out of the jacuzzi and toweled off quickly, putting on one of the thick white terry robes the hotel provided and going to the room.

Once he'd left the bathroom, all Sean felt was alone. He sat there in the water a few minutes, not sure what to do. They were on their honeymoon, and he was still holding out on Christian. He was enjoying the times he was inside Christian, that they were one, and he was just taking and not giving the same measure of trust and love back. It didn't matter how much he scolded himself, or how much he trusted Christian or wanted not to feel the way he did, the thought of something stretching and pulling at his insides like that terrified him.

********

Christian sat in the hotel room feeling like a total asshole. He knew Sean was afraid of having something stuck up his ass, and the first thing he did to launch their day of romance and lovemaking in a castle tower suite was to stick his finger where it didn't belong. He didn't know if Sean had any physical reasons for his fears - - he looked fine when he was examined, but the stretched muscles alone could keep him in some measure of pain longer than a couple of weeks. He was healed, but newly healed, and he was scared.

The bathroom door opened, and Sean came out, dried off and wearing his robe. He didn't really meet Christian's eyes, but he sat in the other chair next to Christian's.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have touched you that way without warning. I didn't really plan it. Everything was slippery and I was getting into handling your ass a little too much and it just happened."

"You didn't hurt me. I don't even know how it felt. I just panicked." Sean kept focused on fidgeting with the tie on his robe. "Maybe I can't do it, Christian."

"It hasn't even been a month. You could have some very valid physical reasons for not being ready to feel stretched out and poked at right now." Christian hated the fact Sean wouldn't look at him, that he felt so bad about it. That bothered him ten times more than worrying about when he would get to be inside Sean. "After Quentin attacked me, I didn't respond normally with Kimber for a long time. More than a month. And then I was sticking my dick in her, not the reverse."

"I know you love me, and I know you wouldn't hurt me. I know the fear isn't rational, but it's still there."

"Yeah, well, the first time can hurt, even under the best conditions. You're a doctor; I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. Fortunately, assholes are pretty elastic, but a full-sized dick does put a strain on those muscles, and your muscles were brutalized with something bigger than a normal dick. Then you had sutures. You're healed up, but it's freshly healed. It's not funny you're not ready. You said you felt achy there - - your muscles might still be feeling some residual pain from that ordeal."

"I'm sorry I'm ruining this for you. It's such a beautiful trip," Sean said, his voice softer than usual. Christian reached over and took his hand.

"When you got sick to your stomach, it wasn't just rich food and too much wine. It was stress thrown in on top. You think this honeymoon trip is going to be wasted if you don't take it up the ass from me before we go home. No wonder you were puking."

"You didn't put any pressure on me. It's just that when I'm inside you, it's...magical. And here I am taking that from you and not letting you experience that with me."

"When we make love, you're not taking anything from me I'm not giving willingly. It's magical for me, too," he said. Tired of looking at the side of Sean's head, he got up and knelt in front of Sean's chair, looking up into his face. "Did you think I'd just want to call the whole thing off if I couldn't get my dick in you before we flew home? That every beautiful thing we're experiencing together on this trip is useless if you can't deal with anal sex by the end of next week?"

"Most people want to have sex on their honeymoon," Sean said, finally looking Christian in the eyes. There was so much pain in Sean's eyes, and more than a little pleading. He needed to hear something from Christian that would help.

"We haven't been coming back to our hotel and playing checkers, Sean. We've been making love every chance we get. I've had my hands and my mouth on every part of you, multiple times. You're generous and you're loving and you want to make me feel good, and you do. And I think this trip is the wrong time for us to even worry about taking that next step. It's building it up into this huge...issue that's putting this enormous performance expectation on you, aside from overcoming the fear or the trauma. Me penetrating you is somehow turning into the highlight of a two-week tour of Italy. That's pressure enough to make anybody toss their cookies."

"I just didn't want this whole trip to be a disappointment for you." Sean paused, then he looked into Christian's eyes, a tear escaping from his own. "I don't want to be a disappointment," he admitted softly.

"The only way you could disappoint me is if you left me," Christian said, taking Sean's face in both hands and kissing him, lingering until their tongues met and made love to each other, losing track of time and making any doubts about their permanent commitment to each other seem meaningless.

Christian opened Sean's robe, running his hand over Sean's chest, teasing his nipples before pushing the robe out of the way and taking Sean's cock in his mouth, sucking him and using one hand to fondle and stimulate his balls. Sean slid back in the chair and moaned, letting his eyes drift shut to focus on the sensations. "Oh, God, Christian, that's so good," he managed, before spiraling down into unintelligible gasps of pleasure, until he came with a shout.

Sprawled there with his robe open, his face flushed, his lax cock sated and spent, Sean was quite a sight. Christian resisted the temptation to capture the moment on the digital camera and imprinted it on his memory instead. When Sean rallied, he smiled, since Christian had tossed his robe aside and was waiting for him expectantly, hard cock at just the right level for Sean to take care of from his chair.

Sean leaned forward and kissed Christian's balls, nuzzling his groin in a way that made him weak in the knees. The light touches were arousing and frustrating at the same time, but the love in the gestures melted his heart. Then Sean took the large erection as far into his mouth as he could, gently holding the base with one hand while he stroked Christian's balls with the other. Bracing himself on Sean's shoulders, Christian felt his climax sweeping over him. Sean held on, stayed, drank down everything he had to give before gently releasing Christian's sated cock, kissing it, before looking up at Christian.

"I love you."

"I love you," Christian said, caressing Sean's head before pulling him up so they were standing face to face. "You could never, ever, be a disappointment to me. If you're not ready for a week, a month, a year...or if you're never ready to have something inside you again, I'll still be here, and you'll still be the love of my life, and all the beautiful ways we make love to each other could never disappoint me, and they couldn't be replaced by anything or anyone else. I want you to be happy, and love this trip with me, and don't even think about it anymore. It'll happen when it's meant to happen."

"Thank you," Sean said, a tear slipping out of the corner of his eye. Christian kissed it away, and hugged him, feeling the pressure returned.

"They have a pretty impressive dinner menu here. Are you free for dinner?" he asked, pulling back a little to look at Sean.

"No, I made other plans," Sean retorted, chuckling.

********

They shared a delicious meal on the terrace, taking in a breath-taking view of the wine country below. Rolling green hills and trees, vineyards, farmhouses and villas dotted the landscape. They talked about the next day's trip the rest of the way to Florence, and some of the sight-seeing they had planned. They reminisced about the past, for some reason thinking back on their college days and laughing when they remembered some of their early study sessions, early arguments, and ultimately the formation of such a powerful bond between them.

When they finally decided to go for a moonlit walk in the garden, they were surprised to find they'd spent well over three hours just lingering over dinner and enjoying each other's company. Their walk was as leisurely as dinner, if not as long, and both felt relaxed and ready to get a good night's sleep in the huge bed in the impressive chamber upstairs. Both had decided it went beyond a room, and earned the title of chamber instead.

After calling home and spending some time on the phone with Wilbur, and then his nanny, who was staying full-time at the house during their absence, they visited with Matt for a while, glad to hear that Kimber had already taken the bait and had brought Jenna over to be watched by Rita at least twice since they'd left town.

"Hey, don't move," Christian said, locating the camera on the night stand. Sean was in his robe, wearing his glasses, with their itinerary for the next day in his hands, and Christian, also in his robe, had a couple Italian men's fashion magazines open on his lap as they sat propped in the bed. He held the camera as far away from them as he could, then leaned in toward Sean. "One shot of the old married couple," he quipped, snapping the picture. When they both looked at it, they had to laugh at themselves. Sitting in a romantic suite in a castle in Italy, they were both reading in bed and content beyond all description just to be together.

"I e-mailed Jennifer a couple of our wedding pictures, and told her what happened, about your reprieve," Sean said.

"Jennifer?"

"Remember the girl in the restaurant who took the picture of us kissing?"

"Oh, right. We need to get a nice print made of that."

"And of this. I think they'd make a nice pair of pictures."

"I think we make a nice pair," Christian said, taking the itinerary pages from Sean, and tossing them, with his own magazines, onto the floor. "Did you think putting your glasses on was going to keep me from making a pass at you?"

"If I had, I'd have just squinted and left them at home," Sean replied, laughing as Christian tackled him, pinning him to the mattress.

"They're kinda sexy, in a nerdy sort of way."

"Gee, thanks," Sean said. "I paid three hundred bucks for these frames."

"You ought to, if you're going to put frames around these eyes. You don't put masterpieces in discount store frames."

"You're pretty smooth," Sean teased.

"The difference is that I mean it when I say it to you."

"I know you do," Sean responded, touching Christian's face. "We've always had a part of each other no one else did." They kissed, and Christian smiled at Sean, holding his gaze for a long moment.

"Let's check out a few of our other parts so we can say we christened this bed before moving on to Florence."

Laughing, they went back to kissing, and made love late into the night before getting some sleep to prepare for the next leg of their journey.

********

Florence was a whirlwind of art, sculpture, and medieval architecture. Their hotel, the Grand Hotel Florence, overlooked the River Arno, and was a masterpiece of Renaissance Florentine Architecture, and kept them within walking distance of most of the attractions they planned to visit. Christian had expertly selected only the best and most significant spots to be sure they saw the works that every tourist should see. They climbed more than four hundred steps to take in the view of the city from atop the dome of a Renaissance-era cathedral, traveled across a fourteenth century bridge, and browsed the open-air markets selling everything from leather goods to art.

"We don't have anything for Liz yet," Christian said, looking at a selection of leather handbags.

"Maybe she'd rather have jewelry. I'm lousy at picking out purses. I bought one for Julia for Christmas one time, and she hated it. I have the distinct feeling someone at Goodwill ended up with a really expensive designer bag, because it died a mysterious death after she carried it once or twice."

"Considering I still have a giant diamond to pawn that she tossed back at me, I think I'll skip jewelry, and she's been losing weight, so I'm not sure about clothes."

"You pick it out. My taste in purses is probably the kiss of death," Sean joked. "I'm gonna take a look at those leather jackets over there. Matt would probably like one of those."

"Yeah, I bet he would. He'll be the best dressed starving actor at community college." Christian noticed the look Sean gave him. "Okay, I'll lay off about Matt."

"He spent the only cash he had in his own right to give us a night at the Beverly Hills Hotel - - something we could afford a hell of a lot better than he can. I know some of what he's been through is his own fault, but he's had a rough time of it. I thought maybe I'd get him a jacket, some clothes when we're in Milan. Maybe if he dresses a little better, he'll have more luck getting a job."

"You were ready to have his head for losing that money you gave him."

"Don't remind me." Sean sighed. "When I was with Julia, she had access to everything I had. If she'd been as crooked as Kimber, she could have cleaned me out, too. You were right about that. You're the one who told me to cut him some slack about that."

"You go get something for Matty, and I'll figure out one of these handbags for Liz. Nothing says 'I'm sorry I dumped you' quite like an authentic Italian leather handbag," he quipped.

"Asshole," Sean said, laughing, as he wandered over to check out the leather jackets. The one he decided on was ridiculously expensive, but he knew it would look good on Matt, and that he'd be excited about it. A black leather sport coat of buttery soft Nappa leather, it was obviously pricey and impeccably tailored. He knew part of buying the overpriced jacket was his desire to recapture the ability to make Matt's face light up like it used to at Christmas when he was a kid and opened that one gift he really, really wanted. He hadn't seen that joy in Matt for a long time, and if the jacket would bring that about, it would be money well spent.

"How do I get on your shopping list?" Christian said, coming up behind him, resting both hands on Sean's shoulders.

"Shit, will you take that thing off your shoulder before you touch me in public?" Sean teased, when he turned around to see Christian carrying the shoulder bag he'd chosen, over his shoulder as if it were his purse and not a purchase.

"Loosen up, Sean. I think there are some other clues people might pick up on that we're a couple. The matching rings, me kissing you at the glove vendor's," Christian said.

"I have no problem with people knowing we're a couple, as long as you don't follow me around carrying a purse and...sashaying." Sean held up the jacket. "You think he'll like this?"

"If he doesn't, we put him back in therapy."

"I'll take that as a yes."

Sean purchased the jacket, and they headed back to their hotel suite with their treasures.

"I spoke to the concierge, and they can help us with packaging and shipping," Christian said, hanging up the phone as Sean came out of the bathroom in his robe, toweling off his hair.

"Room service okay with you tonight?" he asked, sitting in one of the room's ornate antique chairs.

"Sounds good to me. Why don't you pick something out for us while I wash up. Unless you want to wash my back for me," Christian added, flexing his eyebrows.

"After I eat, I'll wash anything you want," Sean said, already perusing the dinner menu. "I'm starving. What happened to all that overeating we were doing?"

"We shopped instead of eating, remember?" Christian sat on the ottoman where Sean's feet were already propped up. "You're not conking out on me, are you?" he said, taking in Sean's tired expression.

"Just feed me and I'll get my second wind," he said, smiling. "I had a great time today."

Christian rested his hand on Sean's leg. "When we get home, I don't want us to fall back into that routine of seventy-hour weeks and barely seeing each other by accident in the kitchen."

"We won't. Besides, you'll always be able to catch up to me in the bedroom," Sean said, grinning. "How does shrimp scampi sound?"

"Not half as good as running into you in the bedroom, but it'll do for dinner." Christian stood and headed for the bathroom. "Don't fall asleep before you order dinner," he called to Sean, who had looked way too comfortable sprawled in the chair.

Sean ordered from room service, then stretched out on the bed and flipped the channels on the TV, part of him tempted to go fool around with Christian, but the other part not wanting to be interrupted by dinner if they got into something interesting. As if conjured by his lustful thoughts, Christian wandered out of the bathroom, naked and still damp from the shower. Sean almost looked away out of old habit, before remembering again that he didn't have to avoid checking out Christian's naked body anymore out of unspoken "buddy" courtesy. He wasn't sure if it was Christian's good looks, or all the amazing sensations Christian's body could create in sync with his own that made him so spellbinding. Or maybe it was just love.

He stood up, tossed his robe on the bed, and went up behind Christian, putting his arms around him and pressing his body against Christian's back.

"Did you get your second wind before dinner?" Christian asked, a smile in his voice as he covered Sean's arms with his own.

"I was just thinking that all that time we spent waiting in line to see Michelangelo's David was kind of a waste of time - - it wasn't that big a thrill when I've got you," Sean answered honestly, resting his cheek against Christian's back.

"Nobody could compete with that guys abs and pecs unless they lived in the gym - - or were made out of marble," Christian said, smiling and turning in Sean's arms so they could kiss. "You're biased, partner. Not that I don't love you for it." Christian kissed him again. "How long do we have before room service shows up?"

"Maybe a half hour. I ordered champagne."

"After we take in the food, let's eat dinner naked. Did you ever do that before?"

"No...well, once just wearing a chef's apron," Sean confessed, remembering one wild encounter with Kate when he hadn't bothered getting dressed before fixing something to eat. She'd even told him he had a great ass...right before she confessed her fantasy involving hot-looking black men.

"Doesn't count."

"Have you?" Sean asked.

"You know what? No, I haven't. I've always had something on, something over me, something... So, you want to take my naked eating virginity?"

"I knew eventually we'd find something we both hadn't tried before," Sean replied, grinning. "I'm game of you are."

After room service was delivered, they tossed their robes aside and sat on the bed with their plates. They ate, both of them hungry since it was getting late and they hadn't stopped for lunch. It was an oddly intimate feeling, sitting there naked, and being totally comfortable together, doing something other than making love. They shared food back and forth, toasted with their champagne, and finally fed each other the canolis they had for dessert.

When the food was gone, they sat propped against the headboard of the bed, sipping another glass of champagne. Both were semi-erect, the odd and prolonged foreplay building up quite a head of steam. Christian finally put his champagne aside first, and reached over to stroke Sean's erection. He was tired, and it felt so good to just relax there and let Christian touch him. He wanted something, and he knew he'd have to ask, because Christian would never try it without being told.

"Would you put your finger in me?" he asked, feeling the heat in his face, knowing he was probably blushing, not even sure if he could handle it.

"Are you sure?"

"I just want to see what it feels like. Just your finger."

"Let me get some slippery stuff." Christian got up and went to one of their bags, pulling out the tube of KY. Sean turned on his side, and Christian got back on the bed behind him, spooning his body around Sean's, kissing his neck, running his hand teasingly over Sean's nipples. "Relax, sweetheart. If you don't like it, we've got a few dozen other things we can do."

"I know. I want to know how it feels. I panicked when you touched me that way and I don't even know if it felt good or bad. I didn't give it a chance."

"I love you," Christian whispered, kissing Sean's ear. At the same time, he slipped his lubricated finger between Sean's cheeks and gently circled the opening with his fingertip. "Okay?"

"Yeah...it kind of feels good," Sean admitted. He knew Christian could make him feel good, touching him there without going inside.

"Just relax." Christian eased the tip of his finger inside the tight ring of muscle, giving Sean a moment to get used to it before trying to ease in any farther. Sean wasn't sure yet what he thought of the feeling. The fear of it stretching him too much, of that red hot poker of agony coursing through his insides, froze him from responding at all. "Okay?" Christian asked quietly.

"Okay," Sean agreed, but he knew it wasn't a glowing endorsement. Christian eased his finger in more, and moved it a little, putting slight pressure on Sean's prostate. That made him shudder, and he gasped a little. "More than okay," he said, and he could feel Christian let out a breath in relief. He nuzzled and kissed Sean's neck and shoulder.

Sean was still nervous, wondering when the good feelings would turn bad, when the stimulation to his prostate would cross the line from intense pleasure to unbearable pressure.

"It's okay, Sean, it's just me, sweetheart," Christian said gently, as if he'd picked up on the increase in tension somehow, reading Sean's body. "It's just my finger, and it's not going to stretch you anymore. Just enjoy it. I promise it won't hurt."

Christian used his free hand to stroke Sean's cock while he very gently moved his finger around inside him. The dual sensation from his prostate and his cock proved to be the right combination. In a moment, Sean came, with a groan that was pure pleasure. Christian slowly eased his finger out, then wrapped Sean tightly in his arms, still spooned behind him. They were quiet a few minutes before Christian spoke.

"Any pain?"

"No. Once it started feeling good, I wasn't so afraid of it." Sean rolled over to face Christian. "Let me take care of you," he offered, starting to move down.

"Stay up here with me. Your hand is okay."

Christian was content with the hand job, glad for the release it brought. The sleepy afterglow was perfect, just lying there kissing, nuzzling and making out, feeling that they'd taken another step in undoing the damage Sean had been through, and maybe gotten even closer to each other in the process.

********

Lodged in a luxury resort on an island in the central lagoon of Venice, they made use of gondolas for much of their travel to the various attractions they wanted to see. As a first time tourist, Sean was glad to hop aboard one of the water buses with the other tourists once in a while to be sure he partook of the full tourist experience. Christian had less interest in the shoulder-to-shoulder rides with camera-armed sight-seers, but he put up with a few to make sure his partner didn't miss any of the experiences he wanted to have. Christian was more partial to the twilight gondola ride he'd shared with Sean and a bottle of champagne on their first night in the city.

They toured the Piazza de San Marco, visited the Basilica San Marco, a structure that has stood since the eleventh century. They also toured an opulent three-storey Renaissance Palace and crossed the Bridge of Sighs, that once connected the palace to its prison, named for the sighs of the criminals heading for the dungeon. Sean was fascinated by the architecture, but found the place's history chilling and just a bit creepy. Christian reminded him that it wasn't half as creepy as the Catacombs, which he'd insisted on touring in Rome. Knowing Sean found the bridge creepy, Christian couldn't resist making sure he saw the haunted palace that was for sale in yet another area of the city.

On their second day, they explored the little shops and some of the more off-beat places Christian had discovered on his own during past trips. They wound up their explorations with a walk along one of the canals, where they could take in a beautiful view of the Piazza San Marco, without the press of a crowd of tourists - - or a few thousand pigeons. Walking hand in hand, watching the sunset reflecting on the water, they enjoyed the little break before going back to the hotel to change for dinner at Cipriani. Christian counted it among one of his favorite Italian dining experiences, and Sean was anxious to see what it was about the place that Christian found so enchanting.

"Quite a city, isn't it?" Christian said as they strolled along the canal.

"I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen anything like most of what we've seen here, but this place is really unique," he added.

"Is this your favorite spot so far?"

"I think so. But it's all been spectacular. It kind of reminds me what a huge world has been going on outside our surgical suite for the last twenty-some years. I want to see more of it while we're young enough to enjoy it."

"It sounds like you've been bitten by the travel bug," Christian teased, smiling.

"We never really went anywhere when I was a kid. Money was always tight. After my dad left, my mother was too busy, and we didn't have enough money for vacations. She still managed to take me to Disneyland a couple times. Looking back, I don't know where she found the money for it, but she did it. I just never seemed to have the time with Julia and the kids. We flew out to New York a couple times to see her family, but that was about it."

"Probably the only worthwhile thing I ever got from Troy was a taste for Europe. Well, and the money for medical school out of the old bastard's estate."

"How did he die?"

"Heart attack. I wasn't there - - I was in college already. It was a few months before I met you. I guess he just keeled over on the floor, and the cleaning lady found him the next morning. Couldn't happen to a nicer asshole."

"Not that it makes what he did any less horrible, but don't you think he cared about you on some level to leave you money in his will?"

"Who else was he going to leave it to? Leaving it to me had an air of respectability and charity - - he sent that poor little boy he took in to medical school. He was the kind of rich that the old money didn't much care for - - nouveau riche. He'd struck it lucky with investments and some business ventures, but he was crass and vulgar and unrefined in a lot of ways. He cleaned up all right, but he didn't have the right pedigree. He knew I wanted to be a doctor. He never thought I was smart enough because my grades weren't great. Still, he liked the idea of sending me to medical school. His son, the doctor."

"I didn't mean to bring all of this up. I just never knew much about your childhood. You always dodged my questions when we were in college."

"I just wanted to forget that I'd ever had that life. I wanted to be me, not his foster son anymore."

"That makes sense."

"You were lucky, having a good parent, even if you didn't have much."

"I know that," Sean said, smiling. "My mother never let me down on anything important. She changed the whole course of her life and her marriage to fix my face, and give me a chance at a normal life. You can't ask much more than that."

"Having Wilbur in my life was kind of scary. I was afraid I wouldn't know how to be a good father."

"You are, Christian. You're great with him. He adores you."

"He does, doesn't he?" Christian asked, breaking into the smile that the mere mention of Wilbur's name always brought out in him.

"Yeah, he does," Sean confirmed, sliding his arm around Christian's waist while Christian's went over his shoulders. "You miss him, don't you?"

"The last day or so, I'm feeling a little weird being away from him so long."

"We'll have to call home tonight."

"That view is amazing," Christian stopped them to just take in the view. "I love sharing all this with you. Seeing it through your eyes."

"This trip has been amazing."

Christian pulled him close for a passionate kiss, both of them indulging in the meeting of their mouths, lingering and savoring each other, before parting.

"Well, at least that's one of the great experiences in Italy we can still have at home," Christian said, and Sean smiled, shaking his head.

"Beats the hell out of the museums," Sean agreed.

********

Sean looked at the cocktails as they were served. Christian had raved about the pink-colored Bellini, a blend of peach nectar and Italian champagne, so that's what they'd ordered as they perused the menu.

"What's wrong, Sean?" Christian asked, his tone just a little on the indulgent side, as if he were bracing himself for some tiresome objection. The little smile on Christian's face disarmed Sean's irritation at the tone before it could become significant.

"It looks like a Shirley Temple Light," he said.

"You're too butch to drink a pink cocktail, huh?"

"I'd just feel better if it didn't look like something I'd order for Annie."

"If you order this for Annie, you'll probably have to carry her home." Christian picked up his glass. "To long life, much love, and more traveling."

"I'll drink to that, even if it is pink," Sean said, tapping Christian's glass with his. After taking a sip, his eyes bugged a little. "I stand corrected. Think you could make one of these at home?"

"I could probably master it. If you can bring your lasagna up their standards," he added.

"Never mind," Sean replied, laughing. "I'll never keep up my end of that bargain. Maybe that cooking lesson we're taking in a few days will help."

"The sex is great. Who cares if you can cook?" Christian joked, and both of them shared a good laugh. "I have another surprise for you tonight."

"I'm afraid to ask."

"How would you like to go to a nice, upscale club, where we don't know anyone and no one will stare at us if we slow dance or make out in a dark corner?"

"Where is this place?"

"I did some research and found this very nice, upscale gay night club."

"I don't know, Christian. I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"You've never been there, have you?"

"No, why would I have ever been there?"

"No reason, I guess. I just wondered why you think it's so great, or what you know about it?"

"I asked Leo Roselli about it," Christian said, referring to a neurosurgeon they both knew casually whose parents were from Italy.

"What does Leo Ro - - he's gay?" Sean asked, his eyes wide.

"Don't look so horrified. You are, too."

"No, I'm not."

"You're married to a man, Sean. You're not straight anymore."

"Bullshit. What I feel for you has nothing to do with sexual orientation. It has to do with you being the other half of my soul." Sean took another drink of his cocktail, looking now as if it were steadying his emotions more than delighting him with its flavor. Christian just blinked a moment at the naked emotion in the statement.

"I'm sorry, Sean." Christian laid his hand on the table, palm up, and after a moment of hesitation, Sean slipped his hand into it. "You know I feel the same way about you. I just meant that to an outside observer, marrying another man takes you out of the straight category."

"I didn't mean to snap at you," Sean said. "I don't even know why I care what anyone thinks. It's just that I don't check out men."

"You've been checking out the waitress with the great rack, right? Angelina?"

"At least I don't already know her name."

"Her name tag is right about in the area I've been checking out, and I don't need my glasses to read the tag."

"Your day will come," Sean said, but he was smiling. Still, Christian's now open admiration of the well-stacked waitress was starting to make him uneasy. Sean had given her a couple passing glances - - she was a beautiful woman, no question about that. But he'd preferred to focus on Christian, and she had lost her appeal.

"If you were here alone, you'd probably be taking her back to your hotel tonight," Sean said, hoping he was keeping his tone light enough to mask the fact he really needed Christian to reassure him that he'd rather be taking him back to their hotel instead. The fact Christian had just smiled at her, one of his lady-killer smiles, didn't help. She returned it, giving him a sultry look. Sean took another drink of the cocktail and didn't say anything else.

"I guess you like those," Christian said, smiling at Sean, not picking up on the workings of his partner's mind.

"You've eaten here before." Sean laid his menu aside. "You pick something."

"Okay," Christian agreed, seeming a little puzzled at the change in Sean's mood, until realization dawned. The flirtation had meant so little to him that he didn't even think about it. They'd joked about her, and out of old habit, he just wanted to see if he still got the response he always did when he turned on the charm with a woman. Maybe expecting Sean to put up with that on their honeymoon was expecting too much from even this idyllic a union. "She's got a nice body, Sean, but I'd rather have my face between your legs tonight than hers."

Sean choked on the drink of water he was taking.

"Now can we both look at the menu and pick something out together?"

Sean just nodded, dabbing the water from his chin with his napkin.

********

To say Christian came to life in the designer stores of Milan would be an understatement. It was apparent they were in a fashion hot zone just by looking at the impeccably and fashionably dressed men and women on the sidewalks and moving in and out of the shops and businesses. These were the elegant people Christian loved to move among, immersing himself in haute couture and beautiful women.

Sean felt a bit less concerned with the latter, since their last night in Venice had involved a couple hours of slow dancing at an upscale gay night club followed by marathon lovemaking late into the night. After Christian's mouth and hands had traversed every inch of Sean's body at least twice, he felt pretty secure with his number one position in Christian's heart, and his libido. Flirting with and seducing women, even if he didn't follow through on it, was such an integral part of Christian's behavior, and his charm, that it was futile to try to stop it. In a way, Sean felt that making Christian that uncomfortable with who he was and how he behaved would be akin to stifling him, and changing who he was. That was something Sean never wanted to do.

They both tried on a number of outfits in each store they visited, but Christian's fashion lust definitely outlasted Sean's, and with his own modest pile of new acquisitions set aside, he was content to sit and pass opinions on the myriad of items Christian modeled for him. He loved looking at Christian, and more than that, he loved seeing Christian this happy and this alive.After all he'd been through with the cancer and the chemo, and the mistaken fear that he was dying, he deserved to have some fun.

"You're not helping much," Christian complained, looking at some obscenely priced Gucci suit.

"I think it's a great suit," Sean said.

"You like everything. You need to start telling me something makes me look fat or that you wouldn't be caught dead in it or I'm going to be shipping the whole inventory home."

"It's not my fault you were made for these clothes, Christian," Sean said, knowing he was flattering him, and wanting to do just that. Christian did look great in the clothes he was trying on, and he had an insatiable hunger for quality fabrics and rich colors, all of which looked good on him. But then Sean liked him in his sweats, a robe, or nothing at all. Now, he was debating about getting the black suit he was modeling in the mirror.

"Did I get that black suit at Armani? The one I wasn't sure about?"

"That suit was great on you. You didn't get it, but I did."

"What? Why?"

"You didn't think it looked as good on you as I did, so I had them ring it up with my stuff. I figured I could talk you into wearing it once we got home."

"Getting this one is probably overkill then." Christian turned to look at the side view again.

"Why don't you get the navy pinstripe one? That looked great on you, and I don't remember every seeing you wear one."

"That's because I don't want to look like an investment banker."

"If you buy many more black suits, you're going to look like an undertaker."

"I liked you better when you just told me everything looked good," Christian retorted.

"Everything does. Just pick what you like. I'll tell you if something doesn't look good." Sean checked his watch. "You want to get to Prada yet today?"

"We won't really have time tomorrow if we want to do some sight-seeing," he said, adjusting the suit and looking at it again.

"If you spend any more time with that suit, I'm going to get jealous. Just buy it, Christian. We can return the Armani if you like this better." Sean sighed. "I've seen a lot of beautiful architecture and historical sights. If you want to shop tomorrow instead, that's fine with me."

"You're not bored?"

"I'm enjoying being with you. I don't really care which thing we do, and I know you were really looking forward to hitting the designer stores here. That way, we can call it quits tonight, have a nice dinner, maybe relax at the hotel and get some sleep. We didn't get a whole lot of that last night."

"Not complaining, are you?" Christian asked, giving Sean a sly smile.

"No, I just want to get my strength back," Sean responded, grinning.

********

Christian woke up early as the sunlight streamed in the window. They only had a couple days left of their vacation, and they were spending it in a beautiful villa that dated back to the early 1900's. The landscape was peaceful and beautiful, and the house itself had all the rustic charm it should to be part of the Tuscan wine country, surrounded by olive trees and rolling hills. With a fully stocked gourmet kitchen, a posh interior, and a private pool obscured from outside view, it was a perfect retreat.

Christian stretched, and turned on his side, watching Sean sleep. His partner was sleeping soundly, oblivious to Christian's gaze, or even the fact he was awake. Sean looked so peaceful that Christian didn't want to move, or even breathe, in a way that would wake him. This trip had been good for him. It had gotten him away from worrying about that damned tape the police had, and there were times his fascination with sight-seeing or sampling some exquisite cuisine had taken his mind off the lingering after-effects of the assault he'd suffered.

Life hadn't been kind to Sean in the last several months. Colleen's knife attack had left him paralyzed, in pain, and terrified, both for his future, and of the awful memories of the attack itself. He'd recovered physically and eventually the worst of the psychological and emotional issues had resolved themselves. Just when it seemed things were getting better, Christian had thought his cancer was back, and fatal, and then Sean had stumbled into that damn S&M club unsuspectingly, ending up at the mercy of a sadist who apparently was way too fond of her work.

Sean stirred a little, but didn't open his eyes. He did move over closer to Christian, seeking the warmth of his partner's body, even in sleep. The unconscious movement touched Christian deeply, and he couldn't do anything by respond by easing closer. He didn't want to wake Sean, so he waited until Sean moved again, winding his arm around Christian's middle, resting his head on Christian's chest. He carefully put his arm around Sean, holding him close. The curtains stirred slightly with a light breeze, and he could smell the fresh air. All the wonderful places they'd been, all they sights they'd seen together, all seemed a world away in this peaceful moment. Of all the days of their trip, this was the moment Christian wished he could freeze and live forever.

Sean moved a little, his hand resting on Christian's chest. A little sunlight reflected off the small diamonds in his wedding ring. Christian picked up Sean's hand and kissed it, unable to not respond to him any longer, even if it did wake him.

Sean grinned, but he didn't open his eyes.

"Good morning, sunshine," Christian said, smiling and knowing the happiness was plain in his voice.

"What time is it?" Sean asked, blinking.

"Who cares?" Christian replied, shifting onto his side and wrapping his arms around Sean, kissing him. "You have a prior commitment?"

"I was hoping it was early so we still had a long day ahead of us."

"It's early," Christian replied, kissing him again. "We have a long time," Christian said.

"Must be that cooking lesson yesterday took it right out of me," Sean joked. "I really slept soundly."

"Think you're up to wine tasting today?"

"I can manage that, as long as it's not for a couple more hours."

"Not until this afternoon. I thought we'd start off with a little swimming and lunch by the pool first."

"Sounds good to me." Sean sat up in bed, yawning. Christian sat up, too, kissing Sean's shoulder.

"I'll make us some coffee," he said, giving Sean's shoulders a quick rub.

"That feels good," Sean said, sighing a little.

"Would you like the full Christian special?" he offered.

"Oh, yeah," Sean replied, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of Christian's hands massaging the muscles in his neck and shoulders.

"Lie down, and I'll give you the full treatment."

"We're still talking massage, right?"

"Whatever," Christian responded, smiling and flexing his fingers. Sean stretched out on his stomach, resting his head on his folded arms. Christian kissed the back of his neck. "Let me grab some oil, give you a proper massage." Christian went into the adjoining bathroom and found the little bottle he was looking for. He paused in the doorway, looking at Sean. There was a little sunshine that seemed to set his skin aglow as he lay there naked. His recent efforts in the gym to increase his upper body strength while he was in the wheelchair had left him even more toned than he'd been before. His back curved into the swell of what Christian considered a perfect male ass, then tapered into strong, hair-dusted thighs and legs.

"Christian?" Sean raised up on one elbow, looking puzzled.

"You're really perfect," Christian said honestly.

"Me? And you accused me of being biased?" Sean chuckled.

"I have impeccable taste," Christian quipped in response, smiling as he climbed back on the bed to start Sean's massage. "We'll need plenty of sunscreen on this fair skin of yours. Has this skin ever been in the sun before?" Christian teased, kissing the smooth skin of one of Sean's butt cheeks.

"I don't do a lot of nude sunbathing, no," Sean replied, amused.

"We'll remedy that today," Christian said, rubbing the massage oil on his hands and starting to work on the muscles in Sean's shoulders and back. It was nice to be able to touch Sean's back, to give him a massage and not cause him pain. There were only a couple small pink marks left from his ordeal at Dragons, and the knife scars still gave Christian chills, but seeing Sean relax and hearing his little groan of pleasure at having his back rubbed gave Christian hope that maybe the rest of Sean's physical and emotional recovery was on the horizon.

He worked his way down Sean's back and continued lower, massaging Sean's ass, then his thighs and down each leg.

"If you wanted me to get up, this wasn't the best strategy. I don't think I've been this relaxed in years." Sean was quiet a moment. "Make love to me."

"You don't have to ask me twice," Christian replied, stretching out next to Sean and kissing him.

"I mean...I want you inside me."

"Are you sure? There's no hurry, sweetheart," Christian said, kissing him again.

"I know I want to try."

"Come here," Christian said, kneeling on the bed and holding a hand out to Sean. He took Christian's hand and rose up on his knees. They embraced and their lips met in a kiss that held all the love and passion they felt for each other. When their mouths parted, Christian kissed a path down Sean's jaw to his neck, his lips lingering over the scar near his collarbone, then traveling down his chest, taking his time making love to Sean with his lips and tongue, not caring how long it took.

Sean ran his hand through Christian's hair as he felt lips and tongue on his skin, not rushing in their travels toward his nipples. Christian was loving every inch of him, and Sean found himself smiling, realizing that he wasn't afraid of anything Christian would do. Christian raised his head to look in Sean's eyes, and when he saw Sean's smile, his own face broke into a radiant smile. He tipped them both back on the bed, and continued the path his lips had started on, moving down to Sean's nipples, licking and sucking each one to hardness. His hand strayed down to Sean's cock, stroking it, while Sean guided his face back up until they could kiss again.

"I want us face to face," he said, his hand still on Christian's cheek.

"Let's get a pillow under your back. It'll be easier," Christian said, and Sean nodded, lifting up while Christian slipped a pillow under him. "I can't very well take you for a romantic moonlight stroll later if your back goes out."

"That's the risk you run when you go with an old guy instead of some flexible twenty-something," Sean joked.

"Yeah, well, my ability to stick my legs behind my head isn't what it used to be, either," Christian responded, smiling.

"You know what's great? I don't even care anymore. I'm right where I want to be." He pulled Christian down for another kiss, then raised and spread his legs.

Christian moved down and stroked Sean's thigh, kissing and nibbling at the underside of it, then doing the same to the other, determined that by the time he entered Sean, he'd be too overwhelmed by all the love he was getting to be afraid of it. He slid his hands up and down Sean's hips and thighs while his mouth went to work on Sean's balls, tonguing them and sucking them into his mouth. He loved the little gasps and muttered words that were coming from Sean, and he kissed and licked the tender skin of Sean's perineum, teasing him by not quite moving down to his opening. Then he moved lower, kissing and nipping at Sean's ass.

Finally, not wanting to turn teasing into torture, he ran his tongue around the little pucker, kissed it, poked it gently with his tongue, and loved it when Sean whispered his name while he grabbed the sheets, arching up a little. He knew Sean would probably be more relaxed if he came first, but somehow, he felt Sean would want it to be a shared experience.

"You're going to feel my finger," he said, kissing the inside of Sean's thigh before coating his finger with gel. "Relax, and bear down a little," he said gently, easing his finger into the tight opening. Sean made an odd little sound that wasn't really pleasure, but didn't sound like pain, either. "I need to get your muscles relaxed a little more," he added. He carefully slipped his finger out and used more lube, knowing that he was probably using more than he needed. This time, when he entered Sean, he moaned a little.

"My prostate...touch it more," he said, his internal muscles flexing a little. Christian was more than happy to oblige, curving his finger to give Sean the stimulation he wanted. Sean cried out and arched his body, his cock seeming to get even harder, if that was possible. "Please, Christian, I want you..."

"You've got me," Christian moved up and kissed him, sliding his tongue inside Sean's mouth, putting all his passion into that kiss. Then he just brushed his cheek against Sean's in a gesture of pure, gentle affection, ending in a kiss that Sean initiated. "There are no words for how much I love you," he said, looking into Sean's eyes. He could feel Sean's thighs on his sides, and Sean took Christian's face in his hands.

"Then be part of me," he said.

"I always will be, sweetheart."

Christian reluctantly moved away a moment to coat himself with the lube. He pressed the head of his cock against Sean's opening and pushed, feeling the tight ring of muscle expand and then accept him, seeing some strain on Sean's face as he slipped partway inside.

"Christian, wait," he said, touching Christian's arm where he had braced himself on the mattress.

"Breathe, Sean. Just relax. I'm not doing anything until you tell me."

"It's big," Sean said, his voice still strained, but Christian was immensely relieved when he smiled. Christian had to smile back, even though he felt like the pressure on his cock was the promise of ecstasy being delayed to the limits of his endurance. He hadn't realized just how much he needed to plunge into something hot and tight, and now he was almost doing that, and he was doing it with Sean. That one physical thing that was sacrificed to be with the one he loved, was right there, and almost his again. "Am I okay?" Sean asked, the question taking Christian a moment to understand.

"You were healed when I examined you. It's okay, sweetheart. It's safe. Are you in pain?"

"My stomach hurts like it did before," he said, looking more than a little uncomfortable. "The cramps were awful," he added, looking at Christian with a mixture of misery and panic.

"I'm going to rub your belly a little and see if helps," he said, gently massaging Sean's stomach, hoping his compressed, erect dick would cooperate with waiting as long as it took. Part of him wanted to just ease out and jerk off, so he wasn't so damned urgent. "Take a deep breath, baby, it's okay. The cramps will ease up."

"It's better," Sean said, though his erection had waned considerably. Christian moved his hand from Sean's stomach to his cock, stroking it, trying to revive Sean's desire. It occurred to him that being at this angle and only partially inside him might not be much more comfortable for Sean than it was for him. He pushed a little further inside, and with a little noise from the back of his throat, Sean accommodated him.

"Relax, Sean. It's only me," he said. "Look at me, look in my eyes," Christian said, since Sean had closed his eyes when he started to feel uncomfortable. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Sean said, swallowing. "Are you all the way in yet?"

"No."

"Then do it," Sean said. Christian wasn't sure if he wanted to get it over with, or was looking forward to it, but he took Sean at his word and pushed gently forward until he was fully inside him.

"I'm in you, sweetheart."

"I need a minute," Sean said. Christian leaned forward and kissed him, hoping a little affection would relax him more, and remind him how much he was loved. Mostly, he just wanted Sean to enjoy this and not be afraid. Hoping he was reading Sean's body and his eyes right, Christian started moving a little, easing back and then thrusting very gingerly forward.

Sean took a hold of Christian's shoulders, his thighs gripping Christian's body. He was moaning each time Christian moved, but Christian knew how Sean sounded when he was enjoying himself, and these moans were bordering on pleasure, even if his expression was still a little strained. He made an effort to put more pressure on Sean's prostate, and started stroking his cock at the same time.

Sean's mouth opened in a sort of wordless gasp, and he pushed down, moving with Christian for the first time. Christian leaned down to kiss him again, and Sean slid his arms around Christian, holding on, eager for the kisses. Feeling that Sean was craving more closeness, and wanting that himself, Christian wrapped his arms around Sean and pulled upward so he sat back on his heels, Sean straddling his lap and held tightly in his arms. Sean shifted a little, gravity making the penetration a little deeper.

Christian resolved to keep his self control, and concentrated on kissing Sean, caressing him, making love to his whole body with lips and hands, finally rocking his hips a bit, finding that Sean was rocking with him now. Sean was holding onto him fiercely, responding to his kisses with a hungry eagerness.

Christian's hips moved a little faster, and he couldn't stop himself from thrusting a little harder as he came inside Sean.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Christian asked, kissing him again.

"More than okay," Sean replied, squeezing his thighs around Christian.

"We have some unfinished business," Christian said, carefully lowering himself and Sean back until Sean was lying on the bed. He slowly eased out, then turned his attention to Sean's semi-erect cock.

"I'm sorry I didn't come," Sean said, looking self conscious.

"Shh. We're going to fix that." He took Sean's cock in his mouth, wanting to give him as wonderful a climax and Sean had just given him. When he deep-throated him, he succeeded, judging by the way Sean's body arched and he cried out before sinking into the mattress, breathing heavily. Christian moved up beside him, leaning up on one elbow. "That was beautiful," he said, stroking Sean's cheek.

"I was nervous. It couldn't have been very good for you."

"You needed to know how your body would respond making love instead of being violated. As for me," Christian said, smiling, "being inside you was amazing. Yeah, I've had sex where I thrust harder and faster, and came sooner - - but what was going on and who I was with are just a blur. I'll remember making love to you this morning until the last day of my life." Christian scooted down a bit until his head rested on Sean's chest. He felt Sean's arm come around him. "Any pain?"

"Just a little...probably just the normal first time feeling."

"There was no blood," Christian said, wanting to reassure Sean as much as he could.

"You were gentle with me," Sean said, kissing the top of Christian's head. "Next time will be better. I kept expecting it to start hurting, and I know I was bracing myself for that."

"This was the first time I was inside you, Sean. Nothing could ever be better than that. I know how hard it was for you to take the leap of faith and make love with me that way."

"I can take any leap of faith I have to," he said, locking his fingers with Christian's, "as long as you're holding my hand when I jump."

********

There was nothing like a long international flight and a trip to baggage claim to undo many of the healing properties of a vacation. Fortunately, they'd shipped all the souvenirs and gifts home, so all they were dealing with now were the bags they'd taken with them. With their carry on bags over their shoulders and large suitcases wheeling along behind them, they made their way toward the exit where Matt said he'd be waiting to pick them up. Both of them laughed when they saw Matt standing there with Wilbur sitting on his shoulders, holding up a sign that said "McNamara/Troy" on it, as if they were limo service. Jenna's stroller was next to Matt, and their granddaughter was in it, playing with a stuffed toy.

Christian dropped his bag and took Wilbur from Matt, hugging him and making him giggle with a few loud, sloppy kisses. Sean hugged Matt, and then took Jenna out of her stroller to hold her.

"I thought you might like to see the rug rats," Matt said, smiling. "Rita's circling out front with the car. Jenna's been with us almost every day this week," he said. "Whatever you said to Kimber at the wedding, Dad, it worked."

"I just made her think she was taking advantage of us for free babysitting," Sean said, kissing Jenna's chubby cheek. "Whatever it takes to make this little girl's life happier."

"I'll trade you kids," Christian said, as Wilbur was back on his own two feet and waiting for a greeting from Sean, and Christian wanted to hold his granddaughter. Sean passed Jenna to him and picked Wilbur up, hugging him.

"Daddy said you brought us presents!" Wilbur said, and Sean laughed.

"I missed you, too, kiddo," he joked. "All the stuff we bought on our trip was shipped home, so we'll look through all those packages and find your presents," he said, and Wilbur grinned at that.

"A bunch of packages have arrived at the house, so I've just been stacking them up in your old room, Dad," Matt said. "I'll get Jenna back in her stroller," he offered, taking the baby from Christian, who picked up his carry on bag, as did Sean as he released Wilbur and the group headed for the exit.

********

Once they'd landed at home, since it was late afternoon and still business hours, Christian decided to make a trip over to the office and pick up the mail and messages. They planned on taking the next day off to catch up on their sleep and get settled, but now that they were back home, they were getting anxious about at least touching base at the practice to make sure the walls hadn't truly caved in while they were gone.

While he was gone, Sean started picking through the pile of packages, and one stood out. It was addressed to him, and had a logo on it from a messenger service. The return address was from the LAPD.

Matt was gone to class, Rita was with Wilbur and Jenna on the patio, and Christian was gone for at least an hour. He stared at the package a few moments. Finally, he tore open the envelope and looked at the tape. On it was a post-it note from the detective.

Dr. McNamara,

We haven't found any other copies of this, so I think you can assume this is the only one. Please call if you have questions.

 Det. Ryan, LAPD

Such an innocent-looking object, just a videotape, and yet it bedeviled him. Not only the thought of how many people had viewed it, but the nagging guilt of feeling like he'd brought it all on himself, even the humiliation of the tape getting into the wrong hands. Part of him felt he should watch the tape, and try to figure out what he'd done to bring such mayhem on himself. Another part wanted to destroy it. Mostly, he just wanted to believe what Christian kept telling him - - that it wasn't his fault. As much as he loved and trusted Christian, he knew Christian wanted to make him feel better. Making a decision, he sat on the bed and opened his laptop, typing a name into the search engine. A moment later, Mistress Dark Pain's website was on his screen. He clicked on the "Contact Mistress Dark Pain" link. To his surprise, there was a phone number there, as well as an e-mail address.

He picked up the phone and dialed the number, knowing he had to move swiftly with the impulse, before he lost his nerve. A woman's voice came over the line.

"Mistress Dark Pain," she said, her voice sultry.

"You might not remember me, but we met last year," he said. "Dr. Sean McNamara."

"Oh, I remember you, Dr. McNamara."

"I need your help." His heart was pounding, and part of him couldn't believe he was actually on the phone with another dominatrix after what he'd been through. Thinking back on finding Mistress Dark Pain leading his patient around by a fish-hook impaled tit, part of him thought he'd gone stark raving nuts.

"I figured you would, eventually," she said, an air of smugness in her tone.

"I need you as more of a...consultant. In medical terms, I guess you'd call it a talk appointment."

"You want me to consult with you on something?" She was quiet a moment. "Are you treating someone from the S&M scene?"

"Not exactly. I got involved in something recently, and it didn't go well. This is hard to explain on the phone, but I need to get some perspective on this, and for that, I need an expert in...your field."

"I take it I shouldn't bring my toys, then?"

"No, I just need your opinion."

"Where do you want to meet?"

"Do you have a place?"

"Of course, I have a place. When?"

"Now?"

"Well, I'm actually just leaving an appointment, so I could meet you in about an hour. I do still expect to be paid for my services," she added.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Sean wrote down the directions she gave him.

After he finished his call, he walked out to the patio.

"Rita, can you stay with the kids until Dr. Troy gets home?"

"Of course, Dr. McNamara," she said. "We're having fun out here," she said, smiling at Wilbur who was coloring at the table, while Jenna sat on a blanket surrounded by toys and being playfully investigated by Lipo.

"Thanks. I need to run a few errands," he added, before leaving them to their playtime and heading for his car.

The S&M business was apparently lucrative, as Mistress Dark Pain's address was a stylish condo in a high-rent neighborhood. With the tape in his hand, Sean went to the door of the all white, modern building with its frosted block windows and large balconies. Ringing the bell of Unit 1, he fought the urge to get into his car and floor it all the way home. A moment later, the striking Mistress Dark Pain stood in the open door.

"Come in, Dr. McNamara."

"I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice." He stepped inside the condo, surprised at the tasteful decor, mostly white, accented with a few red accessories and some eye-catching art on the walls.

"You were expecting a dungeon with manacles hanging from the walls and a couple of iron maidens in the corners?" she asked, smiling.

"Maybe," he admitted, smiling back, albeit uneasily.

"Why don't you sit down and tell me what it is you need my consulting services on." She led the way into the living room, sitting down in a white leather chair, while Sean sat in the corner seat of the matching couch.

"This is very difficult to talk about," Sean admitted.

"I can see that," she said, and he was surprised to detect a bit of compassion in her tone. She was dressed in a red satin blouse, black leather skirt, and stilettos. With her long, dark hair loose on her shoulders and her bright red lipstick, her most recent appointment obviously wanted her to look the part.

"I went to an S&M club with a woman I was seeing. I'm not really into the whole concept, but I wanted to go along with her, give it a try. I guess I was trying to prove something. To her, maybe to myself. At the time, I thought my partner was dying of cancer, and she seemed to think that it would help me confront my grief and express my inner pain by experiencing this...outer pain, for lack of a better word. Fortunately, Christian's in remission," he added, not sure why he was telling her, since she'd barely met Christian and probably didn't remember his name. "The session went really wrong. I said something I shouldn't have, and I guess I gave the wrong impression of what I wanted."

"Should I assume that's a tape of your session?" she asked.

"I didn't know it was being taped. I don't know if you're familiar with a club called Dragons?"

"Yes, very. It's a reputable place in the community."

"Christian and I are together now, as a couple. At the time, I wanted to explore whether or not I was prepared to have that kind of relationship with a man."

"Apparently, you were."

"I was, but it was no thanks to what happened there."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Watch the tape," he said, holding it out to her before he lost his nerve. She took it from him.

"Who was your dominatrix?" she asked.

"Madame Ramona."

"I know her. She's very well respected."

"I need you to look at the tape and tell me if I got what I asked for."

"I don't understand."

"I keep feeling like I brought my injuries on myself. I don't know how else to deal with that question, to lay it to rest, than to ask someone who's an expert in the field to review what happened to me, what I said, how she reacted, and tell me if it was my own fault."

"All right," she said, rising and walking over to the entertainment center that took up one wall of the living room.

"Is there somewhere else I can wait? I don't want to watch this."

"You're welcome to wait in the library, right this way." She led him down a hallway, and opened a door into a room that was lined with shelves packed with books, DVD's, tapes, and other media items. "If you're not interested in S&M, I'd recommend just reading the Newsweek on the coffee table. Most everything else is related to the scene," she said.

"I'll be fine. Thanks."

"All right. I'll check out the tape and let you know what I think." With that, she closed the door and he could hear her heels clicking on the floor as she retreated down the hall toward the living room.

He looked around at the myriad of items on the shelves, at a few of the S&M themed accessories here and there. He fought hard to swallow the bile rising in his throat. Suddenly, he was sorry he'd gone solo, and wished Christian was with him. Waiting while he knew Mistress Dark Pain was sitting in the living room, watching him being violated and tortured, was almost as bad as the original session itself.

He paced for a while, then finally sat in one of the black leather chairs and took out his cell phone, almost calling Christian. Resolute, he put it back in his pocket. He had to fight this

battle himself. These were questions he needed answered to get on with his life, to quit blaming himself for his own injuries.

What seemed like an eternity later, the door opened and Mistress Dark Pain walked in again, holding the tape. She handed it to Sean, who stood and took it from her.

"That session went horribly wrong, and it definitely wasn't the work of an experienced or ethical dominatrix. It wasn't Madame Ramona who did the damage."

"I don't understand?"

"I've known Ramona for years. She put you in the restraints, but then she left the room, and a new dominatrix came in. You can't see her face, but you can see some fairly distinctive tattoos on her arms," she said.

"My girlfriend, Teddy, she had biker tattoos."

"Do you want to look at a frame or two of the tape to make sure it's her?" she asked. "I cued it up to the very first time you see her on-screen."

"I really don't want to see that tape."

"Just a few seconds, to see if it's her."

"All right," he agreed, following her to the living room. She turned on the tape, and paused it at the moment where the tattoos were most visible. "Oh, God, it is her," he said, stunned. "I don't understand why she'd do that to me."

"Her technique is clumsy, she didn't establish a safe word, and the way she treated you, as a beginner, was completely irresponsible. But when it really gets interesting is after you mention your partner's ten-inch dick."

"Could you turn that off?" he asked, gesturing at the frozen picture on the TV screen.

"Sorry." She turned it off. "You told your girlfriend about your partner's dick, which implies you have first hand experience with it. I think you can figure out why she'd react badly to that." She sighed, pressing the "eject" button. "To answer your question, this wasn't an S&M session. It was a torture session conducted by someone who had motives of her own for inflicting pain. Even without a safe word, it was very easy to tell when you'd reached your limit, and then were pushed beyond it. Even if you encouraged her to bring out the toys, this is the kind of play you'd only engage in with a very experienced player, someone who had demonstrated an extremely high pain tolerance. And you were bleeding too much for the session to keep going with any responsible dominatrix."

"You didn't mind drawing blood," Sean said.

"Robert and I have a long history together, and I know what he likes, and what he needs. Anyone experienced will tell you that a session is about what the submissive needs, not the dominatrix."

"You're telling me you don't get anything out of it?"

"Of course, I do. But I can tell you I wouldn't have gotten anything out of this. This was an assault, not a game. Furthermore, I get off on giving my clients what they need. If I'm playing to meet my needs, it's with someone who has the experience to handle it, or who has a high tolerance for pain. It doesn't take a dominatrix to know that you wouldn't fit that description."

"Since this happened, I've felt like I brought it on myself. I didn't know we were going to an S&M club, but once we got there, I didn't leave, I didn't fight it. When she talked me into the session, I went along with it, and I let myself be restrained and blindfolded and even after she... beat me with that whip and I knew she meant business."

"You came to me because you considered me an expert," she said, resting her hand on Sean's arm. "You did nothing to bring on yourself the level of injury you suffered. It was not your fault."

"You're not just saying that because you think that's what I want to hear?"

She withdrew her hand, crossed her arms over her chest, and regarded him with a raised eyebrow. "Do you seriously think I would tell you something just because you wanted to hear it?"

"You have a point," he admitted, smiling faintly. "I guess all that's left is for me to confront Madame Ramona."

"That's pointless. Couples go to Dragons to play, so if your girlfriend decided she wanted to surprise you, to play together instead of split up and have sessions with other partners, Ramona would have backed off for that. Where did you get this tape, anyway?"

"Madame Ramona gave it to me, after she found out that things got out of hand."

"She probably gave you the tape so that your curiosity would get the better of you and you'd watch it and see for yourself that it was your girlfriend who did it. If she'd just denied hurting you and blamed your girlfriend, chances are you wouldn't have believed her anyway. You have to let this go, Sean. It's over and done with. I'd just be sure that woman is out of your life, because she has some serious issues."

"She is. I have a restraining order against her for other reasons."

"That's good."

"What do I owe you?" he asked, taking out his wallet.

"Nothing."

"I agreed to pay you for your advice. It was worth it."

"You've paid for this enough." She handed him the tape. "If I can give you some peace of mind about this, maybe it'll build me a little good karma."

"Thank you." Sean took the tape, then reached out to shake her hand. "I feel very strange calling you 'Mistress Dark Pain.'"

"Dominique," she said, shaking his hand. "Go home, live your life with your partner, and forget about this."

"Thanks. I'll do that." He headed for the door, and she saw him out. "I misjudged you."

"I told you I was a professional," she said, smiling.

"I know. You're a class act, Dominique." With that, he headed for his car, feeling like an enormous weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

It all made sense now. Teddy had reasons of her own, perversions of her own, and he'd been a victim of that. He'd been a victim. He had a right to his pain, he had a right to be traumatized, he had a right to Christian's concern and his sympathy and his caring. And his respect. He wasn't guilty of anything.

Suddenly very anxious to be with Christian, he started the car and headed for home. He hit the speed dial for Christian's cell, and it was picked up on the first ring.

"Where the hell are you?" Christian's voice came over the line, his tone a mixture of concern and reproach.

"I'll be home soon. I just needed to hear your voice."

"What's wrong?" The reproach was gone, and his tone had instantly gentled.

"Nothing." Sean paused. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Come home. I'm jet lagged and I want to go to bed with my partner."

"Yeah, me, too. See you in a little while." He broke the connection and focused on the drive home.

********

When Sean got home, Christian was pacing in the living room, in his robe, finishing a drink.

"I'm sorry if I worried you," Sean said, still carrying the tape.

"I found the open envelope with the return address from the LAPD. I figured you had the tape. I was beginning to worry that you'd done some asinine thing like go back to Dragons with it."

"No, I didn't do that." Sean laid the tape on the coffee table and sat on the couch. "I needed an expert opinion."

"On what? The camera angles?" Christian demanded. Sean just gave him a look. "I'm sorry. You disappeared, you didn't pick up your cell...I thought something was wrong."

"It was Teddy."

"What? What was Teddy?"

"That night, at Dragons. It wasn't Madame Ramona who did the damage. It was Teddy. Once I was in the restraints, she left and Teddy came in to...do the rest." Sean leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "All this time I've been trying to figure out why some woman I didn't even know, who's supposedly done this for years without any serious incidents, wanted to torture me this way. It didn't make sense, so I blamed myself," he said. "I figured I said the wrong thing, gave off the wrong signals, brought it all down on myself."

"I told you it wasn't your fault, Sean."

"I know, and I love you for the way you've treated me about this whole situation. But even you telling me it wasn't my fault wasn't enough to convince me of that, because I know you love me and want me to get over this, and feel better about it. I needed to understand why it wasn't my fault, because if I didn't make it happen, why did she do it?"

"You watched the tape?" Christian sat next to him, rubbing his back with a soothing hand that felt wonderful to Sean. He resisted just moving into Christian's arms and putting the whole subject aside.

"No, not much of it. Just the part where you can identify Teddy by her biker tattoos."

"So how did you figure all this out?"

"I consulted an expert. I contacted Mistress Dark Pain."

"You're shitting me."

"No, I'm not," Sean replied, laughing a little. "I needed to have an expert look at what happened and tell me if it was normal, if I brought it on myself...or if there was some reason that the person who did it to me wanted to inflict that kind of pain."

"How did you find her? I didn't know dungeon mistresses were in the yellow pages."

"No, but they're on the internet. I found her website, called the number, and there she was. I know she wasn't afraid to inflict pain, even draw blood and do some damage in the name of carrying out an S&M scenario with a client whose behavior was self-destructive to his recovery. I thought if she looked at the tape, she could tell me why it happened. If I did something wrong, or if the dominatrix did. She watched the tape, I didn't. She knows Madame Ramona, and she could tell when the switch happened. She showed me the part where Teddy's tattoos are visible, because she thought I might be able to identify them."

"I know Teddy's a freak and she likes her whips and chains action, but why did she want to do something that violent to you?"

"Apparently she was getting more out of the session than I was right from the start. But she didn't seriously injure me until I mentioned you. She must have thought we were sleeping together all along, and she wanted to punish me for deceiving her, for being unfaithful. Maybe make it horrible enough that I wouldn't want, or be able, to have sex with you that way anymore." Sean ran his hand over his face tiredly. "Dominique said I gave off enough clear signals that I was in too much pain, that I wanted it to stop for real. She also said I was bleeding too much and it should have stopped. I guess I knew that somewhere in the back of my mind, but I needed to hear it from someone who had no reason to want to make me feel better."

"Who's Dominique?"

"Mistress Dark Pain. It's kind of hard to keep calling someone a name like that when you're not on all fours on a leash."

"Sean, no one should be seriously injured in an S&M game, even if they're into pain. If she'd done anything more to you, you most likely would have had serious internal injuries that could have landed you in the hospital, or worse. She could have killed you with that thing if she'd ruptured an internal organ, and you'd been unable to get yourself somewhere for help."

"Please don't be angry with me because I needed to do this. It's not that I don't trust you, or don't believe you. I've felt so...guilty since it happened. Like I asked for it and then whined about it afterwards. I was chained to that wall voluntarily, and I couldn't get past that."

"I know you couldn't," Christian said. "Can you get past it now?"

"Yeah, I can. I know why it happened, and it wasn't because I made it happen. I thought I'd screamed and pulled on the restraints and genuinely tried to get her to stop, but I needed to know that I was clear enough, that it went too far."

"Are you okay?"

"I found out what I needed to," Sean said. "I'm really glad to see you." He put his arms around Christian and hung on for dear life, relieved to feel Christian's arms around him, his lips brushing against Sean's temple and his cheek.

"How about a drink?" Christian offered as they parted.

"I could use one."

Christian got them both drinks, and returned to his seat on the couch next to Sean, extending his arm along the back in an invitation for Sean to move under it, which he did, gratefully. The alcohol helped relax him, but it was only a minor help compared to being near Christian.

"You missed the big welcome home dinner," Christian said. "Liz came by, Matt had Jenna until this evening - - Kimber picked her up a couple hours ago."

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"This was more important. But when Matt acts like an asshole tomorrow, you'll know why. I told Wilbur you had to go see a sick patient. Unfortunately, that line doesn't work on Matt anymore."

"At least Wilbur won't think I'm a prick."

"He insisted we save you leftovers. I can heat something up for you if you're hungry."

"I am, kind of. I just noticed the vodka eating up what's left of my stomach lining, so food would probably be good."

Christian heated up some food, and they shared a snack at the kitchen table, followed by a piece of what had been a "welcome home" cake with some kind of Italian flag decoration on it. The frustrated dinner guests had obviously drowned their sorrows in dessert, so there was little left of the design.

"You look exhausted," Christian said, after Sean nearly nodded off as they sat at the table.

"Would you mind if we just went to sleep tonight? I don't think I can keep my eyes open."

"Come on. We can clean this stuff up tomorrow." Christian led him into the bedroom, and Sean went into the bathroom to relieve himself and brush his teeth. Christian did the same, and when Sean sat on the bed, tiredly pushing at his shoes, trying to toe them off without leaning forward to pull them off. Christian surprised him by pulling off his shoes and socks, then unbuttoning his shirt and guiding his arms out of it. He wasn't incapable of undressing himself, but somehow the relief of the revelation about the tape, mixed with a healthy dose of jet lag, had drained him of all his energy. He stood up and slid out of his pants and tossed them aside, climbing into bed with Christian, who threw his robe to keep Sean's pants company. Sean smiled, not sure why he liked that idea so much.

"What?" Christian asked as he spooned up behind Sean, wrapping his arms around him.

"I kind of like seeing our stuff all mixed up together. I don't know why."

"Because it feels like being married," Christian said, squeezing him a little.

"It feels like home," Sean said, not fighting sleep anymore, absorbing the warmth and security of being in Christian's arms, in their home, worlds away from dungeons and pain and the bad memories they held.

********

Sean made a few more notes on the patient chart while Christian guided the woman out of his office. When he came back in, he closed the door and locked it behind him. Sean looked over the top of his glasses at his partner.

"That's the last patient of the day." He approached Sean, taking his glasses off for him and setting them aside. "She ran late, so everyone else has gone home."

"I'm guessing you don't want to review our consult notes," Sean quipped, tossing his pen on the desk and standing. Christian impatiently undid Sean's tie and threw it aside, then he wantonly yanked open Sean's shirt, sending a few buttons flying. He grinned wickedly when he noticed that Sean wasn't wearing a t-shirt. He pulled off Sean's lab coat, letting it drop where it would.

Sean returned the favor, opening Christian's shirt just as wildly, sending it and his lab coat to the floor in one smooth gesture. Shoes, pants and underwear followed closely behind. When they were finally naked, they grabbed each other in a passionate embrace, kissing, groping, and humping each other as if they'd been separated and sexless for months instead of a work day.

One of Sean's arms strayed back to the desk, rummaging blindly in the drawer until he felt the tube in his hand. With the coordination of dancers, he handed the lube to Christian while Christian cleared the top of his desk with one long-armed swoop. With desk accessories and paper everywhere, he put his lab coat on the desk before he pushed Sean on top of it, leaning over him so they barely paused their kissing.

Christian coated himself with the gel, and then gently slid his finger into Sean, making sure he was lubricated and comfortable before sliding inside him in one long, smooth stroke. They'd made love this way a few times since the first time a few months earlier in Italy, but this was the first time they indulged in doing it with minimal romance and foreplay, and Sean had no reservations about it. Christian's cock felt good inside him, even if it did stretch him, and the impacts on his prostate as Christian thrust in and out made him gasp and cry out, abandoning his reservations and finally understanding why Christian found office sex so exciting all these years. He figured he'd have a hard-on every time they did a consult at this desk for quite some time.

He gripped the edge of the desk, his knuckles going white, watching Christian's face with all its intensity and passion while he finally moved at the pace he liked, and was getting what he'd waited for months to have. Despite the satisfying pumping action he was getting, Sean found himself grinning a little smugly. He loved that he was the one Christian wanted to screw on the desk, that he was both Christian's life partner and his forbidden fruit at the same time.

Sean reached down to stroke his cock, but Christian intercepted his hand, taking both Sean's hands and lacing their fingers, pushing Sean's arms down on the desk, above his head.

"I want you to come from my dick up your ass," he said, and Sean's reply held all the eloquence of a man on the verge of orgasm.

"Shit," Sean gasped. "Oh, God, yeah, right there." Christian slowed down his pace and made his thrusts deeper, rotating his hips and giving Sean a whole different motion to concentrate on.

When Christian changed his pace and his motion, Sean felt his cock getting harder all on its own, even without his hand. He hadn't been sure how he felt about Christian pushing his arms back when he'd first done it, but right now, being at Christian's mercy didn't bother him a bit, and he only offered the minimal resistance necessary to keep things interesting - - he knew if he offered real resistance, Christian would respond to his needs.

He could feel his climax sweeping over him in waves, and he gave Christian all the credit he had coming in the shouts and moans he let loose as he came, Christian helping his orgasm along now with a hand wrapped around his cock, his come splattering on his stomach.

He felt boneless and sated, and Christian finished with a series of rapid thrusts as he came, calling out Sean's name, among several other nonsensical things. When he was done, he didn't pull out right away, but just stayed there, catching his breath, finally letting go of Sean's hands, running his hands up and down Sean's thighs before he carefully eased out. Sean felt empty and a little sore, but in a good way.

"I love you," Christian said, breathless, flushed, and thoroughly satisfied.

"I love you, too," Sean replied, rising into a sitting position, then standing so he could wrap his arms around his sweaty, naked partner. They kissed, just standing there, stroking and caressing each other in the aftermath, spending their cool down time expressing their love in all the usual gentle, romantic ways that usually came before the sex, having given vent to the physical hunger that drove their encounter.

"God, that was fantastic," Christian finally said. Sean was thrilled that Christian just possessively but gently rubbed and stroked his ass, and didn't ask if he was hurt, or if he was all right.

Christian knew he was all right, and for the first time in months, Sean knew it, too.

********

THE END

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