Allakayam!
Fandom: Kiss Tommorrow Goodbye
Category/Rated: Gen
Year/Length: ~1000 words
Spoilers: Spoilers for KTG, but only minute ones
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit, only having fun.
Author's Notes: Yamfic. For Emily, who worries me. Contains no quickening, sadly.
"So you're here today to pitch a script?"
Dustin Yarma was fascinated at the strange person sitting opposite him. The being, and Dustin hadn't quite managed to determine whether it was male or female, wore a paisley caftan over full, Indian cotton harem-style pants. The head of the weirdo was shaven and adorned with a kind of turban affair that was fixed with feathers and glittering paste gems.
"I am indeed, Mr. Yarma. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."
Now that Dustin heard him speak, the oddball had to be male. The voice was deep and resonant, with a middle eastern flavor to the intonation.
"Okay, Mr...? " Dustin wondered how the man had managed to arrive here, in his office, without Suzanne somehow snagging him and diverting him off to one of the lesser gods in the office. Minnow, perhaps?
"Gene. Call me Gene." The deep voice was soothing, and Dustin relaxed as the other began to talk. "I have been a student of genre films for some time. It has finally come to me that I should share my vision with the world. Special effects are popular right now. Some of the big movies are full of it?er?them. Just look - The Cell, The Grinch, Vertical Limit... My movie would have far better, more seamless effects, and for much less money."
For some reason, the man's words seemed reasonable. Leaning forward with sparkling eyes, Dustin invited Gene to share his vision.
"No need for expensive computer animations, Mr. Yarma..."
"Dustin, please..."
"Thank you, Dustin. As I was saying, we need no expensive computer gurus. I will guarantee to produce the most spectacular effects... You need only worry about supplying the sound stage and equipment. It will be spectacular." Gene's dark eyes flashed, and the tips of his little moustache wiggled hypnotically. Dustin nodded, entranced.
"What's the story line?" Dustin's voice was soft. He was picturing the gross on a special effects movie that he didn't have to pay for.
"A man has an enemy who blackmails him. He is very unhappy, but then comes a stranger who offers to relieve him of his pain." Dustin nodded. This sounded like a fine story to him. "The stranger has magic powers. He is able to transform people into other things. He will single handedly rid our hero of all his concerns."
This was sounding better and better. A thought suddenly occurred, breaking the hypnotic stream of words as they flowed over Dustin.
"We'd need special computer generated morphing or it would look hokey. I don't see how it could be done." The adorable crease over the bridge of Dustin's nose expressed his disappointment. Gene's hand raised, and Dustin was certain that he saw sparks fly from the fingertips.
He shook his head. Time to stop drinking the tequila. It was starting to affect him, and not in a good way, he could tell.
"No, no, no, my good Dustin. Let me explain. I can do this. As I already explained to you, my skill will obviate the necessity for complex and expensive equipment. Permit me to demonstrate. For the sake of argument, is there someone within this company that you would like to see metamorphosed, even temporarily, for the purpose of my demonstration?" The dark eyes flashed, and there went the sparks again, this time from the ends of the moustache.
Gee, thought Dustin. I wonder who we could use as a guinea pig? Nodding his head and grinning wickedly, he leaned forward to hit the intercom button.
"Hey, Minnow, you got a minute?"
As the big blond menace entered his office, Dustin gestured to Gene with a theatrical flourish. "There's your subject. Think you can transform him?"
Minnow stood in the doorway; a little uncertain as the strangely clad Gene walked over to him and prodded him.
"What is it, Dustin? I'm a busy man, you know that."
Gene raised his arms and made a pass in the air. There went the flashes again, this time accompanied by what sounded suspiciously like an astral drum roll. Dustin half rose in his seat, and then fell back. Minnow was gone. In his place was... What was that anyway? It lay nestled within the Hugo Boss finery that Minnow had filched from his closet.
"What the hell is that?"
"It's a yam. He looked like yam material to me."
Dustin was fascinated. He got up and walked over to the heap of clothing. Sure enough. Yam city, man!
"Holy Cow!"
"I will now change him back?" Gene's facial expression was somewhat amused.
"Uh, that's okay. I kinda like him like this." Dustin reached down to pick up the root vegetable, stroking it gently. "Hey, look. He has no clothes on! Guess that makes him a candid yam."
As Gene opened his mouth to object, Dustin pushed a contract over to him.
"Sign here. I can tell that we're going to make things happen."
"I certainly yam," replied Gene.
That does it. Outa here....
then Relentless added:
Dustin waited for his guest to sign a lucrative contract and leave. Eagerly he rooted in his office closet until he found his hidden passion, one he never dared reveal even to Darcy. His fingers trembled as he carefully opened the ancient box, withdrew the precious cargo. Everyone expected Dustin to be kinky, but this was beyond the pale even for him. He gently lifted out the contents, placing them reverently around his desk in a semi-circle. He left the largest piece in the box, he had no need of it this time.
Dustin took his time studying the firm, stout yam, finding the perfect place to ram home the first of Mr. Potato Head's many enticing accessories.
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