No Time for Twitter
Fandom: RPF
Category/Rated: Pre-slash?, PG13
Year/Length: 2010/1,297 words
Pairing: a cast of thousands - J2, Chris/Steve, Riley Smith, Jason Manns, Danneel Harris, Sandra McCoy, Darren Sher and our lurid imaginations.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit, only having fun.
Warning: There is slash if you look hard enough, and we maul the English language almost beyond repair.
Summary: Jensen and Jared don't have a twitter, because they don't need one. They both have iPhones, and they like to text...
StevieC: "J, wuz told 2 make u get a twitter"
Jackalzz: "No"
StevieC: "fair nuff"
Pause
CandyK: “J?"
Jackalzz: "CK?"
CandyK: "U sure?"
Jackalzz: "..."
Pause
Jackalzz: "Steve?"
StevieC: "Yeah"
Jackalzz: "you with Kane?"
StevieC: "yup"
Jackalzz: "Think he needs a purple nurple."
StevieC: "?"
Jackalzz: "not the drink"
StevieC: "HA!"
Pause
CandyK: "J?"
Jackalzz: "CK?"
CandyK: "FUCK U, MY TIT'S SORE"
Pause
Jackalzz: "Steve?"
StevieC: "yup"
Jackalzz: "TY! Sic'em, Steve"
StevieC: “Fainting goat, Jen."
Pause
Jackalzz: "Hey, CK, how many vamps u kill?"
CandyK: 5. U?
Jackalzz: "28 & counting"
CandyK: "Srsly?"
Jackalzz: "Yup"
CandyK: "Muthrfucker!"
Pause
CandyK: "My show's got better numbers than urs, bitch"
Jackalzz: "Still killed more vamps than u, jerk"
Pause
Jackalzz: "Steve?"
StevieC: "yup"
Jackalzz: "U with Kane?"
StevieC: "where else?"
Jackalzz: "is he paying attention?"
StevieC: "nope"
Jackalzz: "give him a wedgie"
StevieC: "... sure"
2 minute pause
StevieC: "fucker's not wearing underpants"
Jackalzz: "Shit. That's gonna bruise."
Pause
Jackalzz: "Steve?"
StevieC: "yup"
Jackalzz: "I need u to do something for me"
StevieC: "dude, can't. CK just ran into a wall. He's pretty damaged"
Jackalzz: "... ... sorry"
StevieC: "U want me to send u the video footage?'
Jackalzz: "fuck, yeah"
Pause
StevieC: "just wait til I get u home, get u to beg for me, show you some House Rules"
Jackalzz: "Steve???"
StevieC: "J?"
Jackalzz: "Yes!"
StevieC: "u should probably disregard that"
Pause
JPad: "Chris?"
CandyK: "Jay? What u up 2?"
JPad: "Need u to tell Steve stop giving Jen ideas."
CandyK: "'Sup, son?"
JPad: "Rule # 7 does not apply in Vancouver from now on. TY"
CandyK: "What happened?"
JPad: "Butt pinched black and blue."
Pause
CandyK: "Holy shit, asparagus really does make ur piss stink"
StevieC: "once again, Kane u proved yourself to be a man of class and style"
CandyK: "u love it"
StevieC: "yeah, yeah. Save it for ur twitter."
Pause
Jackalzz: "CK? How many vamps u killed now?"
CandyK: "STFU"
Jackalzz: "LOL"
CandyK: "Did u seal the deal with Alona Tal's character?"
Jackalzz: "fuck u"
Pause
Jackalzz: "Steve?"
StevieC: "That's mah name, don't wear it out."
Jackalzz: "What do u get out of tweeting that crap?"
StevieC: "Makes fans happy"
Jackalzz: "You want 2 make em happy?"
StevieC: "Sure. They buy my shit"
Jackalzz: "I don't got NE shit 4 sale"
StevieC: "Ur missing out then, dude"
Long pause
StevieC: "Chris?"
CandyK: "Steve"
StevieC: "Y R U tweeting me when ur in bed with me?"
CandyK: "habit"
Pause
Jackalzz: "Mikey"
MRoe: "Jenny?"
Jackalzz: "U notice anything weird goin on w/ CK & Steve?"
MRoe: "Nope"
Jackalzz: "K, then must be way too many of my fans always with their bizarre fantasies"
MRoe: "Oh, I thought u meant WEIRD, nothing weird, but they are fucking"
Brief pause
IowaSmith: "CK, u mst die.*
CandyK: "Riley, u fucker, how u get my #?"
IowaSmith: "That's 4 me 2 know & u 2 find out"
CandyK: "Fucking Jenny! I told him not to tell u"
Pause
Jmanns: "They really fucking?"
Jackalzz: "yeah, jmanns, they are"
jmanns: "Jen, u owe me $10"
Pause
CandyK: "Manns"
Jmanns: "CK! My brotha!"
CandyK: "What's this I head about u & Jenny & $10"
Jmanns: "what can I say? Man's a cheap whore "
CandyK: "closer 2 ur a dead man >:["
StevieC: "And jmanns, you owe me $5 for making it happen."
CandyK: "Carlson! STFU!"
Pause
CandyK: "Steve, they’re gossipin about us >:["
StevieC: "Y do u have a duck on ur head?"
CandyK: "That's my angry face"
StevieC: "K, y does ur angry face have a duck on its head?"
CandyK: “a duck?”
CandyK: "U wanted to free the ducks"
StevieC: "How can it feel liberated with your head stuck up its ass?"
Pause
StevieC: "some days I dunno why I put up with u"
CandyK: "fabulous sex"
StevieC: "gotta be it"
StevieC: "and I don't mind the smell"
CandyK: "I hate u"
StevieC: "isn't that Kanese for I can't live without u?"
CandyK: "shut up"
Pause
StevieC: "u had enuff 4 2nite"
CandyK: "sez who?"
StevieC: "U wanna sleep w/ Jack or me?"
CandyK: "bastard!"
Pause
CandyK: "Manns"
Jmanns: "CK, whut up"
CandyK: "Jenny & The Giant?"
Jmanns: "? Oh. U & Steve North"
CandyK: "Knew it. Riley owes me $10"
Pause
Jmanns: "Riley?"
IowaSmith: "Manns"
Jmanns: "u owe me $10"
IowaSmith: "u want it now or when u get it?"
Jmanns: "cheapskate"
IowaSmith: "too right"
Pause
Jackalzz: "Short? u been bettin on me n jay?"
CandyK: "yup. like takin candy from a baby"
JPad: "did you say candy?"
Jackalzz: "Dammit Jared, stop readin over my shoulder"
Pause
IowaSmith: "I have no gaydar. None. First Kane & Steve. Then Jen & Jay. Am I the only one who didn't know about those guys"
EDHA: "Know what about them, Riley?"
IowaSmith: "Uh, nothing, Danni. Wrong number "
Pause
EDHA: "McCoy?"
SandyPie: "Yeah, Harris"
EDHA: "You know something about Jen and Jay I should hear?"
SandyPie: "Uh, they're very tall?"
EDHA: "WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?"
Pause
CandyK: (groupsend) "\o/"
StevieC: (reply all) "U know, Kane, that'd be a lot more cute if u didn't actually do that after sex"
MamaC: "How would YOU know"
StevieC: "Oh, hey mom"
Jackalzz: "LMAO, busted!"
StevieC: "shut up, Jensen"
Pause
IowaSmith: "jmanns I made a booboo"
Jmanns: "What else is new, Riley?"
IowaSmith: "No, srsly"
Jmanns: "Whatve u done?"
IowaSmith: "Think I gave the Js away to Danni"
Jmanns: "Riles? That's the last seal; the apocalypse is now."
Pause
Jackalzz: "Radio tour, huh?”
StevieC: "Um?"
Jackalzz: "New euphemism for sharing a bed with Christian for months?"
StevieC: "…"
Pause
EDHA: "Jen, baby"
Jackalzz: "Danni, hey"
EDHA: "What's going on between you and Jared?"
Jackalzz: (groupsend)"DAMMIT RILEY"
EDHA: "???"
Jackalzz: "I mean, nothing new, why?"
Pause
CandyK: "Don need no excuse"
StevieC: "2 b fair, it's better to keep it on the lo-down"
CandyK: "U ashamed of me?"
StevieC: "Some might say ur a little crude"
CandyK: "steve, u seen what they say bout u?"
StevieC: "yep. my fame is legendary"
CandyK: "bathtub 4 u 2nite then?"
StevieC: "awww"
Pause
SherGenius: "cum home steve, all is 4given"
StevieC: "Yo, Darren. 'sup?"
SherGenius"song about infertility needs mixing"
StevieC: "I like infertility best. I'll b home 4 christmas"
Pause
EDHA: "Steve, i have to ask u something"
StevieC: "Sure, Danni. anything"
EDHA: "Was I bad? Did I turn u off women?"
StevieC: "?"
EDHA: "What's Christian got that I don't"
CandyK: "My tits R real"
EDHA: "!!"
StevieC: "Kane!"
CandyK: "Whut? It's true"
Pause
CandyK: "u leavin me 4 christmas, son?"
StevieC: "Thought u could cum with"
CandyK: "2 right"
StevieC: "besides, u'll be sucked dry by then"
CandyK: "not if I keep drinkin,baby!"
StevieC: "I knew u had a reason"
Pause
StevieC: "Kane, next time u decide to talk about us skinny dipping, how about not on the radio?"
CandyK: "? I covered it up. I said it was a FEMALE artist"
StevieC: "Yeah, smooth as sandpaper, dude."
Pause
StevieC: "Jen, u wanna be on my show?"
Jackalzz: "Steve, u got a show?"
StevieC: "Cooking & singing w/CK. Gonna be gud"
Jackalzz: "u need Jay. he eats anything"
StevieC: " little harsh, dude"
JPad: "Did someone say cooking and singing? I'm in"
Jackalzz: "on second thoughts, there's singing. Forget Jay; I'd better do it."
Pause
CandyK: "Steve, wanna go & see Jackass 3D? Riley said it's awesome"
StevieC: "Kane, I don't need to see that. I live w/ u"
CandyK: "Harsh, bubba"
Pause
CandyK: "Steve, talk 2 me I'm right here next 2 u in the bed"
StevieC: "Awww, sugar, u want me 2 sing u a lullaby?"
CandyK: "Uh... yeah, actually."
StevieC: "dumbass!"
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