The Road Not Taken
Fandom: The X-Files
Category/Rated: NC17 Slash
Year/Length: ~4000 words
Pairing: Mulder/Krycek
Spoilers: Ascension
Disclaimer: Neither boy belongs to me, and no money was made from this effort.
Author's Notes: Thanks to Pic and dossier for handholding and to Shadowfox for the title. I try, and I try, but there's always angst in there somewhere. This was almost schmoopy. For Jennie, on her birthday
Beta: Thanks to Emily for beta
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--by Robert Frost 1916
He was out in the darkness, and it felt to him as though he had been there for the whole of his life. He had a job to do, and for once he was looking forward to it. Strange how quickly the thrill had departed from killing, leaving it as just another task to be undertaken. Weird that his purpose tonight would for once jibe with his own aims.
He ghosted around the house, black shadow in the starlight, searching for a way in, and before too long he had found it. The window was small and high. He scrambled through it ungracefully, and looked around the small room in which he found himself. Perfect. There was no need to go out exploring.
His target would come in here sooner or later; this he knew. It was merely a matter of waiting. Waiting was something that he was good at. He'd spent more of his life waiting for things than he wanted to think about.
Making himself comfortable in the corner, he leaned back on the tile and allowed himself the luxury of a daydream.
"See that he gets home safely," Skinner had said, and he'd left the meeting with the reluctant Mulder in tow.
Mulder looked terrible. His chin hadn't seen a razor for days and his eyes were bloodshot, and Krycek thought that he'd never seen anything quite so heartbreakingly delicious in his life. Trailing down to where Mulder's car was parked, Alex Krycek tried his damnedest not to respond to the waves of distress that his companion was radiating.
"Let's go, Mulder. You heard what the man said." Krycek stood, uncertain. He wanted to drive but he knew that there wasn't a hope in hell. Mr. Control Freak would sooner die than give up the keys to his own car. He breathed a sigh of relief when Mulder opened the door and slid inside, leaning over to unlock the other door.
As the car left the Hoover, and pulled into traffic, Krycek stole a look at Mulder's set face, and tried to think of something to say to him that wasn't confrontational. It was no good. He had to say something. He couldn't bear the guilt as he looked at the stricken man beside him.
"Mulder, I need to tell you something." He couldn't believe that the words had emerged from his mouth. Mulder acknowledged him with a grunt, and he was left to think how to continue. He took a deep breath.
"I helped them to abduct Scully."
The silence following his words was palpable. Mulder said nothing, merely slowing the car and pulling into a parking lot that belonged to a diner. He sat with his hands on the wheel for several lifetimes before he turned to Alex.
"I can't believe you just said that. How did you help them?" Mulder's voice was toneless, and Alex shivered. He'd expected rage, but not this apparent surrender. It scared him.
"I…" he spoke quickly. The headlong rush of his confession the only thing that stopped him from opening the door of the car and running away. "I slowed you down. I stopped the cable car to give them time. They would have taken you too, and I couldn't bear that."
Mulder's face twisted. "You betrayed me? Why don't I find that a stretch to believe, Krycek?"
"I did, but there are reasons, Mulder. Listen to me. I didn't just do it. I was forced into it. My family…" He trailed off. What the hell was the use? Mulder turned to meet his eyes, exhaustion warring with irritation. Alex wanted to put out a hand and stroke the chestnut hair, soothe the troubled man, but instead he sat, afraid that he was going to lose the other whatever he did.
The other man was silent again, and Alex felt himself shrinking into himself, afraid of what would come. He began speaking again, afraid to let the silence set Mulder in his ideas.
"The Smoking Man. He's got everyone under his thumb. He's evil, Mulder. He'll make you do whatever he wants." Mulder looked at him for what seemed forever, and then apparently came to a decision, reaching to turn off the ignition and opening the door of the car.
"Let's go in here and get breakfast. You can try and tell me why I shouldn't kill you while I eat something."
The unlikeliness of the words precluded their immediate assimilation. Mulder had to prod Alex before he stirred. When he realized that Mulder wasn't just going to beat him senseless, but would hear him out, he slowly climbed out of the car and followed Mulder in.
Breakfast was an egg-stained memory. Coffee was trickling down to fill any remaining cracks, and Mulder had turned to Krycek with the intention of starting an inquisition, when his phone shrilled.
"Mulder!"
There was a silence on the line and he was about to put his phone away, when the familiar, soft, polite-sounding voice began to speak.
"Agent Mulder, you are about to shield somebody that does not deserve your protection. I feel that I should warn you that you're placing yourself into danger. Take it from me; you're about to discover that the world is a very harsh place."
Mulder shook his head angrily.
"Listen you cancerous bastard! I know you're behind Scully's abduction. Krycek as good as told me so, and I won't let you get him too. What is it that you want from me?" Again came the pause, and Mulder began to feel very exposed and insecure. Then the voice resumed its dispassionate exposition.
"We'd like you to leave certain inquiries that you have been pursuing. Many of your files are harmless, but there are some which you should leave to the experts." Mulder's eyes flashed angrily.
"And just who are these experts? Experts at what, anyway? I'll tell you what! Misdirection and lies, that's what they're good at! Well, let me tell you, I've had enough! I want Scully back! I won't let you take Krycek! Get out of my life!" Mulder saw Krycek's head come up, and his complexion pale at the mention of his name. He smiled weakly at Alex, but his blood ran cold as the man on the other end of the phone continued."
"I'm very sorry you feel that way. I'll notify my colleagues of your opinions, but I should tell you that I'm not very optimistic about their acceptance of your suggestions." The phone clicked and went dead in Mulder's hand, leaving him snarling at his partner. Alex shrank back a little as the other man cursed under his breath.
"What? What is it? Was that...?" Mulder growled angrily. Alex shut up, his jaw closing with a snap. For a minute, nobody spoke, and then Mulder relaxed with a visible effort, turning to the cowering man who sat opposite him, smiling a little.
"Alex, you've just gotten yourself a room-mate. That was someone who sounds as if he means you harm. I suspect that we'd better stay together for the time being. I don't want anything to happen to you." Alex, who had been looking astonished, suddenly colored up at this. He raised his eyes to Mulder's, and for a second, tears started into his eyes, but then his chin went up, and he addressed the senior agent.
"Mulder, thank you, but I don't know if it's for the best that I stay with you. You have to know that it's all I've ever wanted, but it just won't be a good idea."
Mulder looked at his partner. He'd had just about had enough of this contrary man. He didn't know what in hell was wrong with him, but he did know one thing; he, Fox Mulder, was getting very frustrated. He felt as if he had been jumping through hoops at everyone else's request, without knowing why.
Firstly, his Scully had been terrorized, then ripped away from his side. Where she was he had no way of knowing, but he wanted her back.
Secondly, Alex Krycek was driving him nuts, blowing hot and cold, teasing him and confusing him all in a single breath. He was really turned on by his young partner, and had been close to making overtures he now knew he would regret. He wanted Alex, but he didn't think Alex wanted him. If he did, why was he playing these stupid games with him?
Finally, he was totally pissed off by the Smoker. He'd been given one deadline too many, and refused to be manipulated any more. He felt like a baited bear, and was beginning to feel like lashing out the way a bear would. He fixed Alex with a murderous glare.
"Just what the hell do you think you're trying to accomplish? You want me; then you don't want me. You want to move in with me except you don't. You don't have anyone but you have your relatives held hostage. You're beginning to sound like a soap opera, Krycek. Make up your mind what you do want, I don't have time for the games any more." He stood up and grabbed the check. Throwing a twenty at the astonished waitress, he stomped out of the diner. Alex, who had sat with his mouth open during this tirade, jumped up and rushed after him, ignoring the queries and surprised looks from the people in the room.
Krycek reached the car just as Mulder started the engine running, preparing to pull away from the curb. Throwing himself on the hood of the car, he yelled at Mulder to stop. Mulder, who, was still seeing through a haze of anger, hissed at the younger man to get off, but Alex was by this time almost as angry. Reaching through the still open door he grabbed Mulder by his tie and jacket lapel. Hauling him out, he used his superior weight to shove the senior agent up against the car.
"Why don't you listen instead of transmitting for a minute or two, damn you! It's always about you, isn't it, Mulder? You feel sorry for yourself, and you want to keep it that way. You aren't the only one who gets points for suffering. I want you, Mulder. I want you so badly I was prepared to do all of this just to get to you, but I can't. I can't just wrap you up and hand you over to them like a package. I want to be more to you than a warm body. I want to...I don't quite know how to say it...I want to earn your trust, to earn your love. I don't just want a quick fuck."
Alex stopped speaking, pulled Mulder's tie which he had wrapped around his fingers until Mulder, choking slightly, moved towards him, and then leaned forward, fixing his mouth onto Mulder's in a hard, bruising kiss. Mulder, whose body was trapped between the car and Krycek, had nowhere to go. Krycek, one hand entangled in the tie, looped his other arm around Mulder and pressed his whole body into the older man. His mouth glued to Mulder's, and he worked his tongue into Mulder's mouth, then as the lips parted, he plunged it in as far as he could, tasting the residue of coffee, and a sweetness that was entirely Mulder's own. Mulder stiffened for a moment, and then suddenly, Alex felt the other man relax, heard him moan, and a rush of desire hit him.
Mulder gave a half-sob and leaned into the kiss that Krycek was still controlling. His arms went up around Krycek's neck, and he began to return the kiss, turning it around until Alex stood, head bent back whilst Mulder searched his mouth, teasing and tantalizing with his tongue.
Anyone leaving the diner would have been astounded to see the two men locked in each other's arms.
Pulling back slightly, Alex looked into hazy eyes, clouded with desire and felt a little weak himself. Mulder was panting slightly as Alex's fingers still gripped his tie. He put up his hand to release his neck from Alex's nerveless grasp before his young partner choked him to death.
"Alex, come on, I've heard of auto-erotic asphyxiation, but I've never really wanted to find out first hand how it feels!" Alex exhaled, a long, shaky sigh. Wordlessly, he moved around to the passenger's side of the car, and climbed in.
Pulling away from the curb, Mulder turned to his still-silent partner and studied him briefly. Alex was sitting with his eyes closed, still pale, with a curious expression on his face. Mulder wondered what had brought about the mingled fear and desire he could see reflected on the other man's features.
Turning back to the road, he drove in silence, waiting for Alex to get himself together. He was a little shocked when Alex started to laugh, quietly at first and them wildly. He waited as the stormy laughter ran its course. As Alex slumped back into his seat, Mulder turned again.
"OK Krycek, supposing you break all the goddamned rules here and let me in on what's happening." Mulder was still irritated, but for some reason his heart went out to Alex who was sitting, white-lipped and huddled. He pulled in to the roadside and turned to take his hand. Alex whimpered a little, but allowed him to do so. Mulder sat and waited. After a pause that seemed like forever, Alex finally started to speak. His eyes were closed, and his head was back against the seat exposing the clean lines of his throat. It seemed as if he were talking to himself as he began to tell Mulder about the mess in which he found himself.
"I was recruited by a man who holds an unstated but important position in our government, while I was at Quantico. He told me that he'd been watching me, and that I had promise. He wanted me to consider an important assignment, one that affected the security of our country. I was interested and flattered that they would come to me who wouldn't be? - and I agreed to give it a try. I was given a file on you and sent in to cultivate your acquaintance. They actually told me to sleep with you, make you love me. Make you do as I wanted. I was a little bit shocked at this. I've always been bisexual, but I had no idea when I first was sent to meet up with you, just how much I would want you... How I would fall for you. So, I got to know you, and then I came to love you. I didn't want to set you up the way they had asked me to, and told them so. It all seemed so wrong to me. They told me if I wouldn't comply willingly, they would make me, and then they sent me videotape of my father. He's being held somewhere, and I don't know what they'll do to him." Alex choked back a small, hiccuping sob. "Mulder...Fox, it's been torture. I love you, and I was sent to betray you. I can't do anything but hurt you...or hurt myself. I don't know what to do."
The silence stretched itself into infinity. Mulder sat, trying to process what he had been told. Alex still had his eyes closed, veiled by lashes thicker and longer than any one person had a right to possess. He sat huddled in a corner of the vehicle with his left hand still in Mulders grasp and did not move.
"Come here!" The words when they were finally spoken were soft, and the voice was tender. Mulder tugged insistently on Alex's left hand until he finally opened his eyes and turned to him. Mulder's arms went around him, and he found himself within a tight circle, pressed hard against Mulder a Mulder who rocked him gently, and whispered "It's OK Alex. It's OK. Everything's going to be fine. Trust me."
Alex turned his head to find Mulder's powerful neck and for a moment or two he snuggled there, feeling very safe and peaceful, then he lifted his head and met the other man's lips in a kiss.
If the kiss beside the car had been violent and demanding, this was sweet and soft, gentle and loving. Alex sighed and his mouth opened under Mulder's, permitting the sweep of the older man's tongue as it probed the inside of his cheeks, tickled across his teeth and stroked teasingly the length of his tongue.
Alex finally broke the kiss, pulling back to search his partner's face intently. After bearing his scrutiny for some time, Mulder leaned forward again, running his tongue over the younger man's lips, resisting his attempts to suck that tongue into his mouth. With a sigh, Alex slowly nodded, laying his head back onto Mulder's chest.
"So where do we go from here?" Alex's voice was husky with desire.
"My place!" Mulder matched him, his hoarse voice rumbling through his chest and buzzing in the ear Alex still had pressed into him. Wordlessly, Alex nodded.
Fox Mulder was dizzy. He and Alex... Wow! He was shaking!
He tried to get his key into the door; and three times it fell to the floor as he fumbled. Alex, pressing up behind him, his body heat distracting Mulder and making concentration virtually impossible for him, sniggered.
"Come on Mulder, you're gonna have to have a better aim than that!" Mulder cast him an aggrieved look, and tried once more to still his shaking hands long enough to get the key into the lock. Finally, Alex took it from him, inserted it and turned it. Then with a flourish, he threw open the door, gesturing expansively for Mulder to proceed. Mulder gave him a slightly dirty look as he swept by him, but Alex, whose confidence appeared to have returned, blew him a kiss and Fox spoiled his dignified entrance by bursting into laughter.
Alex followed Mulder into his apartment, and closed the door; leaning against it with a soft, longing expression on his face that made Mulder's knees turn to jelly. As Mulder watched, Alex slowly dropped his jacket onto the floor and started to unbutton his shirt, yanking his tie off as he did so. Mulder stood transfixed, then with a small moan he grabbed Alex by the shoulders and pulled him roughly into an embrace that made him gasp. Deliberately pressing his lips onto Alex, he forced his jaws open and sucked Alex's tongue into his mouth. Alex was still a second, and then his arms went around to cup the cheeks of Fox's ass, pulling his crotch hard against his own rapidly growing hard-on.
They stood holding each other, kissing and licking without speaking; the only sounds muffled grunts and moans. Then, Mulder began to fumble the other man's shirt off, his fingers first grazing the nipples and then pinching sharply, drawing a whimper from Alex.
To Mulder, time seemed to stand still. He forgot Scully, he forgot the phone call he had received earlier, and he forgot Skinner. The only thing he could think about was Alex, here with him, in his arms, loving him.
Alex seemed to be trying to undo Mulder's buttons and finding it very difficult. His fingers were tugging, but their bodies were too close together for him to maneuver properly. Finally, giving a grunt of frustration, he grabbed hold of the shirt and ripped it away. Buttons popped as he yanked the soft cotton away from Mulder, throwing it into a corner. Skin met skin, their hands slid over each other, and they continued to kiss, eyes shut tight in an ecstasy of closeness. For once, neither of them was lonely.
Struggling to unfasten his belt, Mulder nibbled at Alex's upturned face, kissing his eyes, his ears and his neck before returning to graze on the corner of his mouth. He finally managed to release the buckle and pushed down on Alex's loose-fitting suit pants. They slipped to pool around his ankles and Mulder began to tug at the other man's boxers. Alex had his own problems. He was totally off balance with his trousers around his ankles. Fox was bending him backwards as he kissed him, and he suddenly knew that retaining his balance was not an option. As Fox renewed his onslaught on Alex's underwear, the junior agent lost his equilibrium completely, and fell, bringing Mulder down with him.
He hit the floor with a smack and the air rushed out of his lungs as Fox landed heavily on top of him. Lying on the floor, gasping for breath, he could not for that moment resist as Fox removed the rest of his clothes.
Mulder had reared back to study the naked form of his lover. He gazed down at the broad shoulders, the deep chest and the tightly muscled stomach with its feathering of hair tailing down towards his pubes. His cock, peeping out from the dark curls that surrounded it, stood straight and hard, its head peeping from the foreskin that covered it, glistening red with droplets of pre-cum. Fox put down his hand to grip it tightly around the base, and Alex screamed.
"Oh God! Do it to me, man! Please do it!" The husky voice was ragged with need, and Fox felt his insides go liquid in response to Alex's cry. With no time to waste on tenderness, he wet his fingers with saliva and stroked them onto his cockhead, then with a push and a twist, his dick was inside Alex, riding waves of slippery darkness towards the red blaze of pleasure, tingles coursing through him and tensing all his muscles as he thrust. Alex cried out again, his muscles twitching and clenching as Fox pushed inside him.
As Fox began to thrust, Alex felt it deep inside, stroking against something that sparked pleasure. Fox was still holding his cock, and now he stroked up and down the shaft in time with his thrusts. Alex arched his back in a spasm of delight so great it was close to agony, as his whole body seemed to gather itself and squeeze itself out through the end of his dick and into the air. He yelled Mulder's name, and then everything went grey.
As Alex's muscles contracted around his cock, Mulder lost his own control. His penis spurted into the tight confines of Alex's tight crack, and he pitched forward to lie gasping on his lover's chest, his heart beating crazily. They lay that way for several minutes, slowly recovering, while Alex slowly stroked the back of Fox's neck, his hair and his spine.
"Oh God Alex!" Mulder sounded as though he was barely able to articulate. Alex chuckled deep in his throat, continuing to run his hands over the other man's back.
"Wow Fox! I'm a total wreck. Look what you did to me!" His green eyes gleamed with mischief.
"I'm sorry, Alex, I wanted to make it slow, do everything to you that I've been thinking about for the past day. I guess I got carried away." Mulder pulled up with a visible effort and kissed Alex tenderly.
"Hey! As far as I'm concerned you can get carried away like that again any time! It was wild...! We can take it slow next time. This time there was no chance." A groan met this response, and once again Mulder brought his mouth down on Alex's. Lying on the floor bathed in sweat and sticky from each other's juices the two of them twined in an embrace that was both passionate and tender. They would never feel alone again…
A sound alerted him. Swiftly, he drew his gun and stood poised. When the door opened, he was ready.
Bill Mulder, old and raddled, opened his medicine cabinet and fumbled for the pills in the bottle on the middle shelf. He didn't seem to notice that he wasn't alone. When he closed the mirrored door again, the face of his killer loomed, sudden and final in reflection. He said nothing, merely turning to Alex with a look of resignation.
"You won't hurt him again. You're through, old man." Alex's voice was low and throaty, and dislike shimmered in the air between them, hovered like a shroud around the tiny room.
"You're dead… They said you were dead." Bill Mulder put out a hand to ward off the man's presence.
"Guess again, old man." The venom in Alex's voice was unmistakable. "I won't allow you to hurt him." The gunfire sounded very loud inside the tiny bathroom, and as Bill Mulder fell to the floor, Alex Krycek struggled back out of the tiny window, taking with him all his forlorn hopes, dreams, and wistful memories of a time that had never been.
End
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