Sure, Fine, Whatever...

Fandom: The X-Files

Category/Rated: NC17, but only just, for its M/M sexiness and playful masculinity.

Year/Length: 1999/~22760 words

Pairing: Mulder/Krycek

Disclaimer: These boys are not ours, though their therapist (who deserves a medal) is definitely ours, for this is a Mary-Suefic. These lovely boys who have come for help would of course not have been allowed to get into this kind of state if they were ours. We don't make money off them, and hope to put them back a lot happier than we found them.

Summary: Fox and Alex go for couples counseling.

"A brief longitudinal study of a dysfunctional homosexual relationship"

The lecture hall was crowded as the people at the international symposium sat eagerly awaiting the next lecture. It looked like an interesting way to spend the early hours of the afternoon. The room buzzed with activity as the presenter, a slender young woman with a sheaf of notes and a competent air about her entered the hall.

A hush fell over the crowd as she made her way up to the podium. Putting down her briefcase on the side-table, she took out a thick file folder and opened it.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Dr. Catherine Warner. The Association has asked me to present to you a study I've been conducting on a very interesting couple.

"Two adult, Caucasian males, one in his late thirties and the other in his early thirties, in a committed relationship. We'll call the older of the two FM and the younger AK. Both are in good health and excellent physical condition, and both fit the law enforcement model...at least loosely. The couple presented in my office complaining of an inability to communicate clearly on almost every level - except sexually. Other complaints included issues of trust and inappropriate behavior, which we will get into later. Diagnosis are still under review even after the length of time spent in treatment, but herein lies the problem...there are so many different psychosis at work that it has proven difficult to list a primary Axis I diagnosis. To give you an idea of what I mean, let's look at FM.

"FM has suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for the past 25 or so years...since the day his sister was abducted. As a result other forms of psychosis have evolved...Bipolar II Disorder w/ melancholic features being the most prominent.

"AK on the other hand can only be described as having a clear diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder...as we proceed further into the study, you'll see how the criteria are so unmistakably met. But when the subject is further observed, evidence of Sexual Impulse Control Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder." The giggling coming from the rear of the auditorium garnered a stern look from the stage that did absolutely nothing to quell the sounds of glee.

"Let me start by saying that this case has taught me more about the application of our science than most of the professors I ever had. With that in mind, I felt that it was best to present this study to you not in lecture form, but as a story. I will be describing events for you, and sharing with you the dialogue by which these events were relayed to me.

"I hope you find these two as educational as I did."

She began to flip through her notes and removed a small bundle of papers clipped together at the top. With a sigh that revealed the amount of energy she was about to expend, she stepped around the podium to the front of the stage and was ready to begin.

"About six months ago, these two men walked into my office, and we began their treatment with a typical assessment questionnaire...

Emotional/Behavioral Assessment

Presenting Problem

Subjects report having difficulty communicating with hostility. Regular fighting within the household and occasional physical violence though both subjects report enjoying that part.

Past Psychiatric History/Treatment History

Subjects refuse to comment citing the fear of having Mr. FM locked up permanently.

Medical History

Injuries too numerous to name in this forum. See the rather large file folders that comprise subjects' medical records.

Basic Interview Questions AK

1: How have your emotional problems affected family life, work, and personal life?

I don't have any emotional problems. Fox does, and they make me really crazy.

2: Have there been times when you've felt unusually high, excited, or restless for several days at a time?

Not recently. Not since I knocked the amphetamines on the head.

3: Have there been times when other people have told you that you were too high or too talkative or spoke too fast?

Nope. Not since I got off the heroin.

4: Have you ever had so much energy that you kept going and couldn't sleep for days?

If I slept, I'd be roadkill.

5: Have you ever felt unusually depressed, sad, or hopeless for several days or weeks at a time?

No.

6: Have you lost interest in doing things that you used to enjoy?

No

7: Have you noticed a change in your eating or sleeping habits?

Well, I eat him. He eats me and we don't really sleep much any more.

8: Have you ever taken any antidepressant medication?

Does vodka count?

9: Have you ever had sudden spells or attacks of nervousness, panic, or strong fear that just seems to come out of nowhere?

What do you think has kept us alive for this long?

10: Have you ever been more afraid of something specific than the average person is afraid of? (like heights, animals, flying, or something else)

Do global governmental conspiracies count?

11: Have you ever avoided going places because of what might happen, that you might embarrass yourself?

This is a joke, right?

12: Have you ever been bothered by any thoughts that came into your mind over and over though you've tried to ignore or stop them?

Once they cut your arm off without anaesthetic, it tends to stick in your mind.

13: Have you ever had to repeat an action over and over, like checking or counting or washing your hands over and over again?

Does fucking repeatedly classify as an obsessive compulsion?

14: Have you ever experienced flashbacks where you felt you were experiencing some terrible experience from the past?

Like I said, the arm thing. It's not good.

15: Have you ever felt that you were outside yourself or disconnected for a time?

Yeah, for a time. It started in Hong Kong Airport, but it's very complicated. It's a long story. Ask me when I have time.

16: Do you have difficulty controlling your temper?

No, but he does.

17: When you get angry do you throw things?

No, but he does...punches and stuff.

18: Do you ever do things to cause yourself physical pain?

Don't need to. Got him for that.

19: Have you ever had any strange or peculiar things happen to you? Please explain...

You mean apart from being possessed by an alien, getting chased by men on horseback with whips, and consorting with faceless aliens? Nope! Not a thing.

20: Have you ever felt others have wanted to hurt you for some special reason?

Frequently, but I can stay ahead of him.

21: Did you ever feel like you were getting special messages from outside yourself?

Well, hell, yeah. I don't wear a tinfoil hat though.

22: Have you ever heard voices or seen things that no one else could see or hear?

Of course. Haven't you?

23: Have you ever thought of hurting yourself?

Nope. Don't need to while I've got him.

24: Have you ever thought of harming someone else?

Only for work. There's no malice involved.

25: Do you presently have any feelings or plans to harm anyone?

Nope, but if you need a hit, I'm your man.

26: Describe your relationship with your mother?

Didn't know her.

27: Describe your relationship with your father?

Didn't know him.

27: Describe your parents relationship with each other?

Listen. It doesn't apply. Now quit!

28: Describe your relationship with siblings?

For fuck's sake. What part of no don't you understand?

29: Have you ever been a victim of abuse (physical, verbal, or psychological)?

Ask him.

30: Sexual History

No, I am not a virgin.

31: Sexual orientation is interestingly varied.

I'm an equal opportunity fucker. Bring it on.

32: Do you feel you have any sexual problems at present?

No

33: Have you had any problems in the past?

No

Basic Interview Questions 2 FM

1: How has your emotional problems affected family life, work, and personal life?

Considering that my personal life consists of work, and my family life is questionable under any circumstances, I would have to say that my emotional problems are blending in quite nicely with everything I do.

2: Have there been times when you've felt unusually high, excited, or restless for several days at a time?

Yes. It usually involves work, getting shot at, my partner being abducted, or being infected with an alien virus. The other times, it usually involves Alex, but that’s a bit personal.

3: Have there been times when other people have told you that you were too high or too talkative or spoke too fast?

I’m not known for being the most expressive person when I speak, but my partner does sometimes criticize what I say when I seem to be getting a bit too excited about something. I know that’s not what you’re asking, though.

4: Have you ever had so much energy that you kept going and couldn't sleep for days?

My sleep patterns are sketchy at best. With Alex in my bed, I find it amazingly easy to “have so much energy that I keep going.”

5: Have you ever felt unusually depressed, sad, or hopeless for several days or weeks at a time?

You’ve never been at the center of a major government conspiracy, or been in love with someone who is part of said conspiracy, have you?

6: Have you lost interest in doing things that you used to enjoy?

There are only a few things I enjoy, and I think it would be safe to say that I will *never* lose interest in at least one of them.

7: Have you noticed a change in your eating or sleeping habits?

Eating more, sleeping less. And, yes, the two are connected, as are Alex and I at the time.

8: Have you ever taken any antidepressant medication?

Well, it’s not traditionally considered to be an antidepressant, but I have been consuming a significant amount of something that usually lifts my spirits, among other things.

9: Have you ever had sudden spells or attacks of nervousness, panic, or strong fear that just seems to come out of nowhere?

Yes, but they don’t *really* come out of nowhere.

10: Have you ever been more afraid of something specific than the average person is afraid of? (like heights, animals, flying, or something else)

I’m sure the average person isn’t afraid that their employer is systematically trying to destroy them, but other than that, no. Oh, I have developed a fear of cats, but only when they’re in large groups and trying to kill me.

11 Have you ever avoided going places because of what might happen, that you might embarrass yourself?

If I cared about not embarrassing myself, I’d never leave my apartment. When Alex and I go out, I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that embarrassing things will come up.

12: Have you ever been bothered by any thoughts that came into your mind over and over though you've tried to ignore or stop them?

I used to be, but once Alex moved in, they went away.

13: Have you ever had to repeat an action over and over, like checking or counting or washing your hands over and over again?

Yes, but if I have to keep these answers PG, I probably shouldn’t go into great detail. But all you have to do is look at Alex to figure out why I feel compelled to repeat it over and over again.

14: Have you ever experienced flashbacks where you felt you were experiencing some terrible experience from the past?

It’s a constant thing, Doc.

15: Have you ever felt that you were outside yourself or disconnected for a time?

Doc, it’s like you’re reading my mind. You aren’t, are you?

16: Do you have difficulty controlling your temper?

In the past I had problems dealing with certain encounters. You could say I overreacted a bit, but that seems to be under control now. For the most part.

17: When you get angry do you throw things?

Like punches? Sure. I’ve also been known to throw the occasional body up against a wall, but that’s not so much an anger thing.

18: Do you ever do things to cause yourself physical pain?

Yes, but that’s usually in the heat of the moment.

19: Have you ever had any strange or peculiar things happen to you? Please explain...

You have no idea how long it would take me to answer this. I’ll have to introduce you to the X-Files sometime.

20: Have you ever felt others have wanted to hurt you for some special reason?

Yes. It goes back to that government conspiracy issue.

21: Did you ever feel like you were getting special messages from outside yourself?

Yes, but you’d understand that so much better if I had the time to explain the past few years of my life.

22: Have you ever heard voices or seen things that no one else could see or hear?

Yes. My partner can testify to the amount of things I’ve seen and heard that she never seems to see or hear.

23: Have you ever thought of hurting yourself?

I did contemplate suicide at a particularly low point in my life.

24: Have you ever thought of harming someone else?

All the time.

25: Do you presently have any feelings or plans to harm anyone?

Yes.

26: Describe your relationship with your mother?

I love her and she loves me. However, I don’t necessarily understand her and I think she would say the same thing about me.

27: Describe your relationship with your father?

I would categorize my relationship with him as cautious and reserved. I believe we might have had a chance to come to terms with the issues that had divided us, but he was killed.

27: Describe your parents' relationship with each other?

Like any child, I believed my parents were fairly satisfied with their relationship. However, certain issues have raised a lot of questions about that.

28: Describe your relationship with siblings?

I have a sister whom I love very much. She was abducted when we were kids and I’ve spent my life looking for her. I can’t rest until I know the complete truth about what happened to her.

29: Have you ever been a victim of abuse (physical, verbal, or psychological)?

After my sister disappeared, my parents withdrew from me emotionally. In my opinion, that doesn’t constitute abuse, but I thought you might like to know so you could feel free to use it when you analyze my behavior towards my lover.

30 Sexual History

Why, yes, I have had sex in the past, believe it or not.

31: Sexual orientation is___________

I’m not gay but my boyfriend is.

32: Do you feel you have any sexual problems at present?

I wish we could do it more.

33: Have you had any problems in the past?

Not having a partner for a while made it difficult to have sex, but other than that, no.

Diagnosis

AK suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder ICD-9 code 30.8)

FM has 296.30 - Recurring Major Depression NOS 309.8 - Post TraumaticStress Disorder (chronic) And at least one other Mood Disorder I have yet to identify. And both suffer from 297.30 - Shared Psychotic Disorder ("Folie a` Deux)

Session: Therapist's office 8/24/99

[Therapist] Well, gentlemen...it's nice to meet you. Please come in and have a seat.

[FM] Thank you. Alex, stop casing out the place and sit down.

[Therapist] I know that starting counseling can be a bit unsettling...why don't we start by getting to know each other a bit first?

[AK] Yeah, right...

[Therapist] Alex? Would you like to tell me a little about yourself?

[FM] Good luck...

[AK] No

[FM] Alex, come on.

[Therapist] How about you, Fox?

[AK] What do you wanna know?

[Therapist] Tell me anything...

[AK] I'm called Alex.

[FM] Do you see what I have to put up with?

[AK] You don't have to put up with it, I already told you.

[Therapist] Is that short for something?

[AK] Alex is short for Alexei. Does it matter? I hate the name anyway.

[Therapist] Gentlemen please...if we are going to accomplish anything we must maintain a calm communication.

[AK] I'm calm.

[FM] You may find that impossible with him.

[AK] Fuck off!

[FM] Alex, we're not here to fight

[AK] Yeah, fine, whatever...

[FM] You do this all the time! Why can't you be civil for once?

[Therapist] Okay...I see we have some trouble with dialogue at the moment. Fox, I want you to give me the opportunity to talk to Alex without any comments from you.

[FM] Okay. I apologize.

[AK] That's a first.

[FM] Glares at his partner, eating sunflower seeds as he does so. He says nothing.

[Therapist] Thank you. Alex? Are you uncomfortable with the idea of seeing a relationship counselor?

[AK] Suppose so.

[Therapist] What is it that bothers you?

[AK] Don't want anyone in my head. He's bad enough.

[FM] He might actually have to be vulnerable. God forbid. Hey! That's not fair.

[Therapist] Fox...I won't warn you again...give me a chance to talk to Alex without comment, or I will ask you to leave the office till we are finished.

[Therapist] You feel like Fox analyzes you frequently?

[AK] He does it all the time. "It's a nice day".... How does that make you feel, Alex?

[FM] Oh, so now because I have an interest in you, I'm analyzing you? Jesus. Sorry.

[AK] He wants to change me all the time.

[Therapist] Alex, I want you to understand my role in this process. I'm not here to "get inside your head". The only thing I will do in this is to direct your communication, and try to help the two of you stay focused on the problem being discussed. Is that okay with you?

[AK] Sure, whatever. I'm here now, aren't I?

[Therapist] Good. Fox? Do you understand the parameters I've set here? I will not be your referee.

[FM] Yes, I do. And may I say you will have a hard time getting him to focus.

AK is half out of the chair with his gun in his hand.

[Therapist] What makes you say that?

[FM] Alex has a real problem sharing anything about himself. When he feels he's being attacked, he either shuts down or takes out his gun.

[Therapist] WHAT THE F___! Alex, sit your ass down! What do you think you're doing bringing a gun into my office! Give me the gun NOW! I said NOW!

[FM] Alex, stop being an asshole and give her the gun. Doctor, would you like mine too?

[Therapist] Alex? Did you hear what I said?

[AK] Yob tvoyu mat!

AK slams his gun down onto the table.

[FM] He didn't mean that, Doctor. I'm sure your mother is a very nice lady.

[Therapist] Okay...I see that I'm going to have to be extremely specific about the rules here, so...RULE # 1 is all weapons will be checked at the door when entering my office.

[FM] *All* of them?

AK gets out 3 knives, a garrote, a small cosh and another gun, and throws them down.

[Therapist] RULE # 2 is cut the bullshit. Why are you really here? Holy cow...what do the two of you do for a living?

[AK] Please, miss. He's still got his gun.

[FM] Fine.

FM takes out a 9mm, .380, and the .22 that's strapped to his ankle. He glares at Alex as he does so.

[Therapist] Fox, I said all weapons. Any other weapons of mass destruction I should be aware of?

[FM] Not unless you count his....no, nothing else.

AK gives a heavy sigh, then takes the shiv out of the heel of his shoe.

[AK] Okay, but if they come after me here, I'll have to improvise, you know that?

[Therapist] Now that we've made it to the disarmament stage, I will repeat my question...what are you two really doing here? What do you hope to accomplish?

[FM] I don't think he trusts me.

[AK] He doesn't like me. He just uses me for sex.

[Therapist] Alex? Do you want to respond to that? What behavior of his makes you feel that way? What is it specifically?

[AK] Who are you asking? Him or me?

[Therapist] Both...Alex you first.

[AK] When I try to talk to him he snarks at me, and then just wants to fuck me. I never get to have a real conversation.

[FM] That's because when I try to have a real conversation with you, you won't talk to me.

[AK] He's either too busy, or he wants to fuck.

[Therapist] Fox...what is it you consider to be a real conversation?

[FM] When I can tell something's bothering him and I ask him if he'd like to talk about it, hearing "No, I'm going to bed," doesn't make for any conversation.

[Therapist] Alex?

[AK] Have you ever read "Uncle Vanya"? Nope, neither has he, and when I wanted to talk about it, he was too busy watching busty broads on video.

[FM] Alex, that is not true. I threw out all the het porn when you and I hooked up.

[AK] Then, he's all turned on and wants a fuck.

The Doc raises her eyebrows in Fox's direction.

[AK] Well, I take exception. He's not even fucking me... He's just using me to get off.

[FM] Well, when I *did* want to talk to you about it, you wouldn't get your nose out of "Guns and Ammo"

[AK] and what about "Long Dong Silver?" Didn't throw him out, did you?

[Therapist] How often do the two of you engage in sexual relations?

[FM] Jesus, Alex! You watch them as much as I do!

[AK] 2, maybe 3 times...

[Therapist] A week?

[FM] Probably more than the average.

[AK] No, a day.

[Therapist] A week?

[FM] A day

[Therapist] Do you often argue like this before you engage?

[AK] Sometimes we're not speaking. It's really hot then.

[FM] I wouldn't call it arguing.

[Therapist] In other words, the answer is yes.

[FM] Fine. Yes.

[AK] What's your point?

[Therapist] My point very simply is that for you, this is ...foreplay.

[AK] Is that good?

[FM] That would explain why I'm really turned on right now.

[Therapist] I'm not here to judge good or bad. The question is, is this how you want your relationship to be?

[AK] No.

[FM] Not entirely.

[Therapist] In that case, I have an exercise for you.

[FM] Okay....

[AK] I think you should know that I only have one arm. Exercises aren't all that easy.

[FM] You seem to work out just fine when we're in bed.

[Therapist] For our next session, I want the two of you to have sex at least once a day without having argued first. And every time you do argue, NO SEX.

[FM] You're kidding, right?

[AK] I've had plenty.... what?

[Therapist] No, I'm not. The only time you're allowed to have sex till our next session, is when you're not fighting.

[FM] Oh god...I'm never going to get laid.

[Therapist] It's going to be up to the two of you together.... if you want to fuck, then you'll have to be a team.

[AK] How the hell can you be a team when you're fucking?

[FM] Well, we do end up working really well together, Alex.

[Therapist] Are we agreed then?

[AK] What is that going to do?

[FM] I'm willing to give it a try.

[Therapist] Fox, what do you think this exercise will accomplish?

[AK] Uh... I'm outnumbered here...but I'm never going to get laid....

[FM] It will make us begin to associate our *love making* with affection as opposed to hostility. I suppose that could work.

[Therapist] Very good. Well, I see that our time is up for tonight...until next time?

[AK] Is that it?

[FM] Whispers to Alex Hey, if we get out of here, we can start in the car.

[AK] Start not arguing?

[FM] Right, dimwit.

[AK] You're seriously weird.

[Therapist] I explained to you before that this is a process...next time we will discuss how well you did on your assignment and what you learned about each other.

[AK] Well, can I have my gun back?

[Therapist] On your way out the door.

[FM] Yeah, yeah, yeah...let's go, Alex.

[AK] Oh, baby...better get one in quick...kiss me.

FM pulls AK back towards him, making a show out of deep kissing the other man, who melts in against him in a very interesting manner.

[AK] Next week?

[Therapist] same time, same place. Goodbye, gentlemen.

[FM] Great, thanks, Doc.

[AK] mmmmmmhmmm

[Therapist] Fox, get off your knees and get out of my office.

[FM] oh, sure...sorry....coming, Alex?

[AK] Not quite... Oh, God!

[FM] Let's finish this in the back seat... I think we've made a good start....I'm not angry....are you?

AK is gasping and appears eager, dragging the other man to his feet, then to the door and beyond.

The Therapist shakes her head with a giggle.

[FM] Bye, Doc.

[AK] Next week?

Session 2 Therapists office 08/3/99

[Therapist] So, guys, how did you do?

[AK] Mmmmpf

[FM] Not too badly.

[Therapist] It seems that Alex doesn't quite share your sentiment, Fox. Alex? Care to share?

[AK] Got balls the size of the Lincoln Memorial that's all.

[Therapist] I take it the two of you couldn't quite get the hang of not fighting.

[FM] Well, you'd be fine if you didn't want to start bitching almost every time we're about to have sex, Alex.

[AK] Every time we'd get started, he'd suddenly say "That's fighting" and sneak off to the bathroom.

[Therapist] Care to give me an example, Alex?

[FM] Honey, it was fighting.

[AK] Well, this morning, All I said was "You're going to be late if we don't hurry.”

[Therapist] And what happened?

[FM] And I said that we had plenty of time for a quickie.

[AK] He just said okay, if that's how you feel and flounced off. And I'm feeling really bad. I wasn't fighting. I was disagreeing, and that's different.

[FM] Hey, what about you saying that if it's gotta be quick, we might as well not do it at all? That's when I flounced off - and for the record, I don't really flounce.

[Therapist] It sounds to me like what you are saying, isn't what he is hearing...and vice versa. Fox, what goes through your mind when Alex doesn't agree with you completely?

[FM] It's not that he disagrees with me, it's just the way he does it.

[Therapist] Which is?

[FM] He sounds like a real asshole and gets very defensive.

[AK] Again with the insults...

[FM] I'm being honest, Alex. You can sound like you're ready for a fight when you ask me how I'm doing.

[AK] That's you, not me. Why don't you listen?

[Therapist] Fox, do you think that maybe you need to listen more carefully to the content of the conversation before making those judgments?

[FM] No, I don't. I don't understand why he has to sound so hostile all the time. Would it kill him to talk to me with some respect?

[AK] He never listened. "I didn't kill your father." Smack! "You killed my father"

[FM] Don't go there, Alex. Not now.

[AK] He just likes to hit me. He gets off on arguments.

[Therapist] What killed? Who said anything about killing?

[FM] It's because you're so fucking smug. Doctor, may I be excused? Where's your bathroom?

[Therapist] Back to the killing, please.

[AK] If you don't like me, why don't you leave me?

[Therapist] Stay put, Fox.

[FM] Because I love you, you idiot. Come on, Doc. Five minutes, tops.

[Therapist] This is the perfect opportunity to work on our conflict resolution techniques.

[AK] No, don't let him...not again.

[Therapist] You're a grown man, Fox. Show a little self-control.

[FM] Fine. I'm sorry.

FM heaves a heavy sigh.

AK moves a little closer to FM.

[Therapist] When we have resolved the current source of hostility, then the two of you can both ...do whatever it is that you do.

[FM] Okay, let's start some resolving!

FM begins to rub Alex's thigh.

[AK] Nothing...

[Therapist] I'll separate you if I have to, I swear it!

[AK] Resolve what, anyway.

[FM] Yeah, I can't remember what we were talking about.

FM gazes schmoopily into Alex's eyes.

[AK] Oh, baby...

[Therapist] Back to this killing, Alex?

AK rests his head on Fox's shoulder.

[AK] Mmmhmm?

[Therapist] Hello...was I the only one who heard the word "kill"?

[AK] I don't know... did you hear it, Fox? What's the deal? We're talking about home, not work.

[Therapist] SIGH I can see that we aren't going to get anything more accomplished today...same time next week?

[FM] Yeah, sure, fine...

[AK] We've only been here for ten minutes...

[Therapist] The exercise is still to be practiced...no sex after a fight.

[FM] Alex, would you rather stay here, or go home and practice not fighting?

[AK] What about now? Have we had a fight? He'll say we did.

[Therapist] I'd be happy to continue if you two think you can keep your hands to yourselves.

AK sits up a little

[FM] Shit. You can kill a mood faster than you killed my father.

[Therapist] There it is again! What is this about the killing of a father?

[AK] I did not kill your fucking father...

[FM] Yeah, you keep saying that.

[AK] He thinks I killed his father.

[FM] That's because he *did* kill my father.

[AK] How can I convince him? Just because of my job...

[FM] Why can't you admit it? It was the same gun that killed Scully's sister.

[AK] Scully's sister was killed by that Hispanic asshole with the itchy trigger finger, even Scully knows that.

[FM] But he said you did it.

[AK] You say you love me, but you believe that punk Cardinale over me? What is that?

[FM] Look...forget it. I won't bring it up again.

[AK] No...It's gotta be settled...hasn't it, Doc?

[FM] okay...

[Therapist] Of course, Alex...I'm glad to see your zeal on the matter. Alex...just what exactly is your job?

[AK] I'm an assassin, why?

[Therapist] And you think that's a socially acceptable form of livelihood?

[FM] He's so good at it, why would he want to do anything else?

[AK] I don't have any choice.

[FM] That's bullshit. Learn a skill.

[AK] He'll kill my family

[Therapist] Do I detect a bit of hostility about the subject, Fox?

[AK] I've got plenty of skills. While we're on the subject, at least I take responsibility for my actions.

[FM] Just a tad. It's that whole killing my father thing that I can't get past. Honestly, I know that he's better than this. He's amazingly bright. He can beat these people if he thought about it.

[AK] You don't help, do you?

[FM] What the hell is that supposed to mean? I would do anything to help you.

The Therapist looks dazed, confused, and just a bit afraid.

[AK] You kill all the time, and you blame me. You even blamed me for Duane Barry. I know you did it.

[FM] Alex, he was alive when I left him. When *you* left him, he was dying.

[FM] You bastard! I did not kill Duane Barry!

The Therapist's eyes are going back and forth as if she's watching a tennis match.

[AK] You throttled the poor bastard.

[AK] All I did was try to stop him choking.

[FM] Yeah, right...and what were you doing when you killed my father? Selling him Avon?

[AK] I DID NOT KILL YOUR FATHER. Dammit...I wish I had. He was an evil old fuck.

[FM] I know that, but it didn't give you the right to... wait, what do you know about him?

AK rolls his eyes to the ceiling.

[AK] Everything, asshole!

[FM] Doctor, tell him to answer me. Doc, are you okay?

[Therapist] ENOUGH! You two were made for each other...at least I don't have to fear for two more unsuspecting idiots if you two weren't with each other.

[AK] Don't talk to Fox like that.

[FM] Is this some radical new therapy?

[Therapist] YOU'RE BOTH NUTS!

[FM] Thanks, babe.

[FM] Hey, watch it. He's not nuts.

[AK] Jeez, Fox, I really didn't kill him.

[AK] I think she's nuts.

[FM] I'm sorry, Alex...it's almost easier to think that you did. Otherwise I don't know who to blame for his death. She is nuts.

[Therapist] I can't figure out if the crap you're spewing is just a detailed delusion, or if the two of you get your kicks terrorizing innocent therapists!

[AK] Why do you wanna blame anyone? I'm not terrorizing you, honey...

[FM] Doctor, we're not delusional...

[AK] I just want him to believe me.

[FM] I do believe you, babe.

[AK] Ever since his partner was kidnapped by aliens he's been suspicious of me.

[FM] Well, he was responsible for her abduction.

[Therapist] Don't call me "honey" asshole. Listen, I think we can work together about these issues.

[AK] God, Fox, I really love you. I didn't abduct her. You do?

[FM] Don't call him asshole. He calls every broad honey...I mean every woman...um. Don't call him an asshole.

[Therapist] There's an excellent in-patient program at Johns Hopkins that can help you learn to distinguish fact from fiction...I could offer you a referral.

[FM] I think we can work it out, too.

[AK] That was asshole in a therapeutic way, right Doc?

[FM] Doctor, we are not crazy.

[AK] Well, I'm not, anyway.

[FM] Maybe we can sort this out without sharing too much more sensitive information. Hey...

[AK] Doc?

[Therapist] You expect me to believe that you, Special Agent FM of the FBI, Oxford graduate, are having a homosexual relationship with the man you suspect of killing your father and who you believe to be integral in the "alien abduction" of your partner?

[AK] Yep, that about sums it up, right, Fox?

[FM] Yeah, but....have you seen his ass?

[Therapist] Oh boy...

[FM] Doc, I defer to your knowledge and leave us in your capable hands.

[Therapist] This is starting to sound like some bad fan fiction about a stupid sci-fi show.

[AK] Does that mean we can't fight anymore if we want to get laid, or are we doing something else this week?

[Therapist] But if you insist on working through this mess, I suppose the least I can do is help you.

[FM] Doc, no need to get rude. Thank you.

[Therapist] I think I'd like to see what happens after one more week of our little experiment...no sex after fighting without resolving the conflict.

[FM] Does it have to be completely resolved?

[AK] How do you mean, resolving the conflict? You never said we could do that last week.

[Therapist] Yes, Fox...truly resolved. To Alex I'm expanding the exercise.

[FM] I'm willing to give it a try.

SESSION 3 (Therapist's Office- 09/4/99)

[Therapist] Okay, fellas...to help us get to know each other a little better, I'd like to try a word game.

AK adopts a silly voice.

[AK] A word game?

[Therapist] Since words are what we use to think and communicate with, it'll be helpful if we know how each one of us uses them.

[FM] I use mine to say things.

[AK] All the time.

[FM] what's that supposed to mean?

[AK] You never stop.

[FM] Kiss my ass.

[Therapist] Here's how it works. Alex, I'll say a word and then you'll say the first thing you think of, in turn, Fox will say the first thing your word brings to his mind. Next round, we reverse the procedure and I'll start with Fox. Everyone understand

[AK] Oh, please...

[FM] no, I didn't say lick it... To TherapistYeah, I understand.

[Therapist] GENTLEMEN! Do I have to separate you?

[FM] I'd like to see you try.

[AK] Go on then.

Therapist clears her throat uncomfortably.

[Therapist] You two came to me...you're welcome to leave if you like.

[FM] Okay. Alex, meet me in the car?

[Therapist] No...good, then let's begin.

Therapist closes her notepad and gets up.

[AK] Uh...what?

[FM] I guess we're playing a little game with the good doctor here, Alex.

[AK] Well, she didn't say anything.

[Therapist] Fox seems a bit resistant ...perhaps you should return when he's not so petulant.

[FM] Fine by me. I'm not paying you to play games.

[AK] Fox, for goodness sake, just because you don't want to... You're wrecking it for both of us.

[FM] Great, it's my fault again...Okay, fine. Let's do this if we're going to do this.

[AK] He's always like this. See what I mean?

[FM] Shut up, babe.

[AK] Well you are.

[FM] Just start the damn thing.

[AK] What words are we going to do anyway?

[Therapist] Gentlemen, I thought I made it clear that I was not going to play referee...if the two of you are going to benefit anything from therapy, you both have to be willing to learn. Are you *willing* Fox?

FM grunts.

[Therapist] Close enough...

[AK] That's funny.

[Therapist] To answer your question, Alex, we're going to use everyday words. I think you'll be surprised how much we as people project our thinking and understanding of what things mean onto other people

[Therapist] Let's begin...

[Therapist] house.

[AK] mouse.

[Therapist] Fox?

[FM] what?

[Therapist] You need to respond to the word Alex just spoke.

[FM] oh, right...um...rat.

[Therapist] Now you go first, Fox...rat.

[FM] Alex.

[AK] Fuck.

Therapist scribbles furiously. She looks up at Alex. AK smiles sweetly.

[Therapist] chair

[AK] bed

[FM] fuck

Therapist is still scribbling furiously.

[Therapist] work

[FM] hard

[AK] You've gotta be kidding me, haven't you?

[Therapist] Alex?

[FM] that's more than one word.

[Therapist] Care to explain?

[AK] well...you're setting it up so that we'll talk about sex. You're obsessed.

[FM] Excuse me? My job is hard, Alex. Get over it.

[AK] um..... toffee.

Therapist sits back in her chair, watching the interplay between the two men.

[Therapist] continuing on...

[Therapist] car

[AK] pool

[FM] Speedo

[Therapist] swim

[FM] wet

[AK] dream?

[FM] pfft...now who's obsessed?

[Therapist] dreams

[AK] night

[FM] sleep

[Therapist] pain

[FM] sex

Therapist's eyebrow arches. She is obviously disturbed by the last response.

[AK] bite

[Therapist] fuck

[AK] me

[FM] now

[Therapist] Are the two of you seeing a visible pattern developing?

[FM] gee, no, doc. Wanna share?

[AK] Umm...not really. How did that car get in there?

[Therapist] No matter what direction I set you in, the two of you bring the conversation back around to sex.

[AK] Is that a bad thing?

[FM] and what's the problem?

[Therapist] Well, despite how much fun it may be, it isn't really conducive to communication.

[AK] You mean we can't talk with our mouth full?

[FM] Well, we do talk before, after and sometimes during sex.

[Therapist] Let's go on a little longer and see if we can identify some of the trigger mechanisms that keep your thoughts in that vein.

Therapist ignores the locker room humor.

[Therapist] family

[FM] my turn?

[Therapist] Yes Fox.

[FM] okay. bond

[AK] stock

[Therapist] money

[AK] honey

[FM] sticky

[Therapist] bills

[FM] debt

[AK] society

[Therapist] Could you explain that response for me, Alex?

[AK] huh? Paying a debt to society. Why, Doc?

[Therapist] Just wanted to see where your thoughts were leading you...

[Therapist] punish

[AK] cut

[FM] uncut

[Therapist] Let's stop here...Alex, what lead you to the word "cut"?

[AK] I don't know what you mean. You said punish, didn't you?

[Therapist] yes.

[AK] well, isn't that how you punish people?

[Therapist] by cutting them?

[AK] They cut my arm off.

[Therapist] Who took your arm Alex?

[AK] I don't know who they were... fucking peasants!

[Therapist] Peasants?

[AK] Yeah, peasants.

[Therapist] Moving on...

[Therapist] game

[AK] They woke me in the middle of the night and hacked off my arm.

The session tape finishes at this point. We hear the presenter announce that there a little more dialogue that has been withheld, but that it does not add anything further to our knowledge of the duo.

Session 4: Client's home in Alexandria 09/21/99

Therapist knocks on the door.

[FM] Hey, Doc. Come on in. Alex is hiding in the bedroom.

Therapist cracks a whip.

[FM] whoa...

FM steps back.

[FM] Alex!

[AK] Go away. I have a headache.

Therapist cracks the whip again.

[FM] He's just upset that I wouldn't get him off before you got here.

Therapist cracks the whip once more and backs Fox against the wall.

[FM] Alex...come on out, man... You've gotta see this.

AK opens the door a crack

[AK] Why?

FM points at the doctor.

Therapist points to the floor.

[Therapist] On your knees...now!

AK closes the door.

[FM] okay...Alex! Get out here, you chickenshit!

Therapist CRACKS the whip.

[Therapist]To FM I SAID NOW!

[FM] uh....yes ma'am

FM kneels down.

[FM]ALEX!

AK opens the door cautiously.

[Therapist] Step out, Alex.

[FM] Yeah, step out, Alex...

[Therapist] SILENCE!

[AK] Unhhhh... pardon me?

[Therapist] Come here, Alex.

[FM] I think we drove her over the edge, babe.

[AK] Why? I mean, I have asthma, and my doctor says no excitement, and...

Therapist lashes out. The whip cracks and wraps around Alex's waist.

[FM] Alex, I think this is her idea of foreplay.

[Therapist] I said come here.

Therapist pulls him closer.

[FM] don't hurt him, Doc. I need him for later.

[Therapist] Did I tell you to speak, Fox?

[AK] Unh....

[FM] oh, sorry.

Therapist strokes the back of her knuckles across his cheek.

[AK] Is this covered on our medical plan?

[FM] I don't remember asking for the full dom. package...

[Therapist] Consider this a free session.

[AK] Foooooox?

[FM] yeah?

[AK] I don't like this.

[FM] same here, babe

[Therapist] You will, pretty...you will... Alex, kneel beside Fox.

AK gulps.

[FM] whispers I bet we could take her.

[AK] They might never find our bodies.

[Therapist] The two of you are going to learn how to communicate with each other to save both your asses. Believe me gentlemen, I have your best interests at heart.

[AK] whining Fox's ass is a national treasure.

[FM] That why we have to save it.

[AK] Look at it!

[Therapist] I have.

Therapist licks suddenly dry lips.

[FM] Alex, should I be worried?

[AK] I am.

[FM] I knew I should have answered the door with my gun....

[Therapist] You don't need to worry unless you start thinking about not cooperating.

[FM] Okay, fine. What do you want us to do?

[AK] Got my pistol...

AK grins.

[AK] my pistol against her 38s, yeah?

[Therapist] You mean this gun?

Therapist reaches into the back of her corset.

[FM] Hey...where'd you get that?

[AK] Gahh..

[Therapist] Just do as you're told and you'll be fine. In fact, you may come out a bit better for the ride.

[FM] All right. Let's ride.

[AK] A ride?

[FM] Just go with it, lover.

[Therapist] When you're distracted, Fox, you are VERY DISTRACTED.

[FM] Fuck! Thanks, Alex. You made me forget my gun.

Therapist cracks whip.

[Therapist] Stop now! Enough with the petulant child act, Fox. As cute as that pout is, it's not the way to treat the people around you if you want to be respected.

[FM] Hey, why is this all on me?

[AK] Because you're a dickhead?

[FM] Why don't you suck my dickhead, Alex?

[AK] I'd love to, but you wouldn't suck on mine.

[Therapist] And YOU...grow the fuck up you spoiled brat! I don't care how sweet that ass of yours is, it would look much prettier with red stripes.

[FM] Doc, I would pay to see you do that to him.

[Therapist] Dr. Mulder, do you not see a problem with the desire to watch an outsider punishing your significant other? I've come to the conclusion that the only way to help the two of you is to try a little classical conditioning.

[AK] Well, what problem? I know I love to see people whack the hell out of Fox.

[FM] He really does...

[AK] Oh? Classical, huh? Like, Schubert and stuff? I prefer Megadeth.

[Therapist] The two of you will cater to my whims tonight... all night.

[FM] Got any Elvis? Oooh, sounds ominous.

[Therapist] As the night goes on, as I see behavior that is counter productive to our set goals, the offender will be punished.

[FM] is that a promise?

Therapist backhands FM across the cheek.

[Therapist] as a matter of fact...yes.

[AK] Uh... What set goals?

[FM] hmm..okay, she's serious...

[AK] Fox?

AK seems distressed and unsure.

[FM] It's okay, babe...

[Therapist] Our goals are simple...get the two of you to a place where you can work together and communicate without the bickering.

[FM] But our bickering is what makes us *us.*

[AK] No it isn't...

Therapist strokes FM's bruise gently.

[Therapist] I won't hurt you unless you give me a reason to.

[FM] Alex, don't argue with me.

[AK] I'm not.

[FM] Just listen to her. We'll be fine.

[Therapist] Good thinking, Fox. Very good thinking indeed, Fox

[FM] Thanks, Doc...uh, ma'am...whatever.

[AK] Huh... Lick her boots, why don't you?

[Therapist] Now I am going to sit here on the couch, and the two of you are going to stay right where you are. We're going to have our session like this. Anytime the two of you begin to behave like a couple of five-year-olds I will treat you accordingly. Boot licking will come later, my dear.

[FM] does that mean you'll put us to bed without dessert?

[AK] I like meat best.

[Therapist] That means that I won't put you to bed at all, Foxlet.

[FM] Don't call me that.

[AK] I like Foxlet...

Therapist cracks the whip again.

[Therapist] I'll call you what I wish. Are we clear?

[FM] *You* can call me that, but not Cruella over there. I can kill you with one hand, Doc. Did you know that?

Therapist stands and walks behind Fox.

[Therapist] Why would you want to do that? I'm here to help you.

[AK] Hey, Fox...wanna know what I call you?

Therapist's hand trails from one end of his shoulder to the other.

[FM] What do you call me, babe?

AK grins.

[AK] Often?

FM laughs.

[FM] I like that.

[Therapist] Bad jokes will be punished even more severely than disobedience, Alex...consider yourself warned.

[FM] Hey, just because you can't appreciate a joke, doesn't mean you have to punish him.

[AK] Hey, Fox, wanna know what I can do to you with only one hand?

Therapist's whip comes down across FM's ass while he's in mid-laugh.

[FM] beat me? OW! Bitch!

Therapist wields the whip once more.

[Therapist] Now do I have your undivided attention?

Therapist steps forward, and the spike of her heel passes through the center of Fox's foot...HARD.

[AK] Hey... You're hurting my baby.

[FM] Fuck! Alex, help me!

AK stands up and walks towards the Doctor.

Therapist turns and CRACKS the whip.

[Therapist] Do you think I'm new at this, boy?

[AK] You think that pain will stop me? I've been hurt by masters.

Therapist CRACKS it again.

[FM] What the hell is wrong with you?

AK reaches the therapist and stands, menacing her.

Therapist tosses the whip aside and stands perfectly still.

[FM] Now what?

[AK] You hurt him, and I won't be responsible.

Therapist remains silent.

[FM] Alex, what's wrong with her?

AK turns to hold FM tight.

[AK] It's ok, baby. I won't let her hurt you.

[FM] God...she's nuts.

Therapist kneels.

[FM] What're you doing, Doc?

AK kisses FM very tenderly, soothing him and holding him.

[AK] Baby, don't worry.

[FM] Why is she just kneeling there?

[AK] I don't really know. Poke her and see if she falls over.

[Therapist] I thought it was time that the two of two saw that you can work together when you need to.

[FM] We know we can work together.

[AK] No, I see what she means.

[FM] Alex, don't tell me you agree with this shit?

[Therapist] Really? Last time we were together, all the two of you kept saying was how much you don't trust each other.

[AK] I wanted to help you then. That's what the Doc means.

[FM] God, she could have just had us role-play instead of playing Indiana Jones with the fucking whip. I may sue.

[Therapist] Oh, Fox, please...it's barely a flesh wound. The kneeling was just to keep Alex from ripping my throat out.

[FM] Baby, I know you always have my back if I need you. We don't need her to prove that. Listen, when I go into therapy, I expect to work with a professional, not some insane control freak.

[AK] Fox, baby, don't be like that. She's trying to help us.

[FM] Okay, fine.

[Therapist] I tried the traditional approach with you, but you are too well trained for any of the tried and true techniques to work...I had to get your attention.

[FM] Fine. Can you leave now so Alex and I can have sex?

AK kisses FM.

[AK] Baby, Wait... Mmmmm...That's nice. What?

[Therapist] No...We just took a step forward and I want to pursue this a bit first.... You'll have your reward a little later.

[FM] Okay...are we allowed to sit down for this?

[Therapist] Yes.

AK pulls FM up to lean against him.

[Therapist] Fox...when you felt threatened, you immediately reached for Alex...

[FM] Of course I did.

[Therapist] But last time in my office, you said repeatedly that you don't trust Alex...how do you reconcile this?

[FM] I never said I don't trust him. I just have some issues with how we communicate.

[Therapist] Such as?

[AK] Yeah, Fox, such as?

[FM] Such as your defensiveness.... Look, why are we rehashing all of this?

[Therapist] Because it was never really settled...only sidestepped.

[AK] Baby, I tried to stop her... I'm sorry.

[FM] Alex, you didn't do anything wrong.

Therapist smiles.

[FM] Doctor, it was sidestepped because the session ended.

[AK] I just wanted to stop her hurting you.

[Therapist] And why did the session end, Fox?

[FM] I know you did. It's okay. I'm not hurt.

[Therapist] Like I said...you're allowing your training to get in the way of an open communication here.

[FM] Because the clock said so?

FM sighs theatrically.

[FM] Okay. Ask me a question and I'll answer it, no bullshit.

[Therapist] No, Fox...now answer the question...such as?

[AK] What? I don't understand...

[Therapist] What is it about the way the two of you communicate that causes you to be in such constant contention?

[FM] It's what you were talking about earlier. We tend to have sex when we fight before we've satisfactorily resolved our conflict. It's easy not to think about, but I *would* like for there to be more than that. We've conditioned ourselves to become hostile towards one another because we know it will lead to sex. We have to stop that.

[AK] Fox, I don't feel hostile to you. I love you.

[Therapist] And what method do you think will be most effective in reconditioning your behavior? Not Alex's...yours?

[FM] I don't either, but we seem to let everything we say to each other turn into a fight, no matter how banal. I love you too, babe. I have to be less of a smart-ass, I guess.

[Therapist] That's good...what else?

[AK] But you're brilliant. I like that.

[FM] Thanks, babe.

[Therapist] How about initiating intimacy when you're not in the middle of some kind of conflict?

[AK] You mean just fuck him wherever?

[FM] We do that, but sometimes we say things to each other that start us fighting. See, *that* I could go for.

[Therapist] Something like that...no fighting - just enjoying.

[Therapist] Okay...Alex?

[AK] Now?

[Therapist] What about the way the two of you talk to each other brings out the fighter in you?

[AK] Maybe the Doc would be embarrassed?

[Therapist] No... not now, Alex.

[FM] Damn...

[AK] Doc, Fox is just so... I don't know how to say it.

[Therapist] try

[AK] He makes me want to bite him.

[FM] Whoa, baby...really?

[Therapist] I realize that, Alex...but the question is why - other than the obvious.

[AK] He makes me want to make a hole in him and climb in. I don't know why. I just look at him and I feel so.... antsy.

[Therapist] Antsy?

[Therapist] Does Fox intimidate you?

[FM] I don't think so.... I'm feeling a little antsy myself right now.

FM's leg starts to shake.

[Therapist] Cool it, stud...we focused on you for a bit, now we need to focus on Alex.

[AK] I don't know. My whole body gets involved. I can't think straight.

[FM] Hey, you asked me the question.

[AK] Fox knows about these things.

[Therapist] You've been conditioned to react to things physically because of your work...is that correct, Alex? No I didn't, I asked Alex if you intimidate him.

[FM] No, you didn't. You asked if.... Are you sure?

[Therapist] Quite.

[FM] Damn.

[AK] Fox? Are you okay?

[FM] Yeah, I'm fine...just a little distracted.

[Therapist] Alex...please answer me...

[AK] Fox is mine. If he doesn't love me, I don't know what to do.

FM rubs AK's leg reassuringly.

[Therapist] You have been conditioned to react to things physically because of your work...is that correct, Alex?

[Therapist] This is important, Alex.

[AK] If I get it wrong, people die.

[Therapist] Answer me straight, Alex.

[AK] I don't know what you want.

[Therapist] The truth...I asked a yes or no question.

[FM] Babe, do you react physically before you think? Because of what you have to do all the time? Sorry, Doc....didn't mean to butt in.

[Therapist] It's okay, Fox...it's important that you understand as well.

[AK] Yes, I suppose so.

[Therapist] And the fact that you can explain things to each other in a way that you both understand is important.

[Therapist] So if your body responds to things before your mind does, doesn't it make sense that...

[AK] I don't know what it means.

[Therapist] Resolving conflict is something that is done with your brain, not your body. But your body responds before your mind has a chance to process the situation. So...

[FM] Alex, do you get what she's saying?

[AK] She's saying I can't control myself...that it's all my fault.

[FM] No, not at all...it's nobody's fault.

[Therapist] You never give yourself the opportunity to deal with a conflict and the issue gets put aside for a later that never comes.

[Therapist] No, Alex. That's not what I'm saying.

[AK] But it isn't my fault.

[FM] It's easier for us to have sex than to think things out first.

[Therapist] All I'm suggesting here is that both of you need to learn a few new coping skills in order for your issues to come to resolution.

[AK] Are you telling me I need to stop? I like making love to you.

[AK] I like making love to you.

[FM] I know, I like it too, but I think we're both guilty of taking the easy way out. Baby, I'd kill you if you ever stop. I think that we need to make ourselves slow down long enough to address why we're fighting.

[AK] I like making love to you. I don't want you to stop wanting me?

[FM] That will *never* happen. I love you, you... I love you, babe.

[AK] But you think I'm just a creature of instinct.

[FM] Don't knock it, lover. That's a huge part of why I'm attracted to you. I just think we need to re-channel some of that instinct.

[Therapist] If that were the case, Alex, you would never have seen the need to seek counseling. I think you knew these things deep down, you just needed someone to lead it out of you.

[AK] but I don't want to be programmed. I can control it, I can!

[FM] Alex, you're not being programmed...I trust you to control it. *I* have to control it too.

[AK] You think it's all my fault.

[Therapist] No, Alex.

[FM] Baby, are you listening to me? I just said that half the problem is mine.

[Therapist] The fact of the matter is that you and Fox both are victims of your circumstance.

[AK] I don't know what you want from me?

[Therapist] Alex? What do you want from Fox?

FM takes AK's hand.

[FM] Tell me. Please.

[AK] I want him to love me. That's all.

[FM] I *do* love you. I love you so much it makes me crazy.

[Therapist] No...I think there is more to it than that.

[AK] Fox? I don't want to make you crazy. I want to make you happy.

[Therapist] Alex...focus on me for a minute.

AK watches her warily.

[Therapist] Of these things, which is the most important to you: security, compassion, or companionship?

[AK] I don't know... How do I tell?

[Therapist] Only you can decide what your priorities are. Which is the thing you think is the most important to a relationship?

[AK] I think that possibly companionship is most important.

[Therapist] So then it seems to me that more than anything else, you want you and Fox to be equals in this relationship, and you fear that that is not the case.

[AK] I want him to be with me. That's true, yes.

[Therapist] So what can Fox do to help you resolve those fears, other than fuck you?

[AK] I don't know. He's my love. I wish he was my friend too.

[Therapist] Fox?

[FM] I don't know what to say.

[Therapist] If you were to feel the way Alex does right now, what would you want him to say to you.

[FM] I don't know what he *could* say other than to agree with me.

[Therapist] He has fears that you two have never looked at before...if they were your fears, what could he say to you to help allay those fears

[Therapist] Help him, Alex...

[FM] Doctor, Alex and I went from being enemies to being lovers. We have never been friends. I would want him to tell me that we can work on resolving that.

[AK] Fox, Anything you want...

[Therapist] Is that it, Alex? Is that what you want to know?

[AK] I don't know how to start.

[Therapist] You already have.

[AK] Help me.

[Therapist] You two have done incredible work tonight.

[AK] I don't know what he wants from me.

[FM] I want the same things you do. I want us to feel as if we're equals in this relationship.

[AK] Why don't we have them already then if we both want them?

[FM] Because we've never stopped fucking long enough to really see what we're missing.

FM smiles at AK.

[Therapist] I think the next thing we need to address is the feelings of dominance and inadequacy from both sides of this relationship.

[AK] Do we have those?

[FM] Baby, I think you do and I know I do.

[Therapist] I think the possibility is there.

[AK] Fox? Help me understand this.

[Therapist] So Fox.... What do you think of my approach now?

Therapist grins.

[FM] I can handle this approach, Doc. But do me a favor...leave the whip at home for our next session.

[Therapist] Deal.

[AK] But you look pretty hot in the leather gear.

[Therapist] Don't worry, Alex...this will get easier. But for now, you've both earned your reward.

[FM] Hey, did you hear that?

Therapist smiles evilly.

[AK] Yeah, but I'm not sure that I know what it means.

[Therapist] Why don't you show him, Fox?

FM pounces on AK.

[AK] Show me what?

[AK] Oh, god...

[FM] Shut up, babe.

FM kisses AK.

Session 5: Therapist's office 10/04/99

[Therapist] We should start with what the two of you learned about each other this week. Ready?

[FM] Sure.

[AK] Not really. I don't know what I learned. Remind me.

[Therapist] Did you ask Fox any questions about his history?

[AK] Well, a bit, but I knew that stuff before. He wants to find his sister, you know.

[Therapist] But did you learn anything new about how he felt about those events?

[AK] The girlfriend in England was new. She sounded like a bitch.

[Therapist] What girlfriend?

[FM] Just someone I met while going to Oxford. She's a non-issue.

[AK] He was in love with this woman in England when he was at University there... She was a really evil woman from the sound of it.

[Therapist] Tell me about her, Fox.

[AK] Better yet, Fox, show her your scars.

[FM] I'd rather not if that's okay.

[Therapist] Okay...you don't have to tell me, but did you tell Alex about it? How you felt during and after the relationship was over, I mean?

[AK] He told me that she put him off relationships.

[Therapist] But no more detail than that?

[AK] He doesn't want me to talk about it, I can tell. Fox?

[FM] I don't see how talking about her will help *us.* I know you won't hurt me the way she did, so end of discussion.

[Therapist] Yes you do...this is basic, Fox. I know it's difficult, but you know that experiences of the past influence the choices we make in the present.

[AK] I dunno. I think that's why he doesn't trust me.

[Therapist] Even if that influence is sub-conscious.

[FM] Fine. What do you want to know?

[Therapist] Alex? What do you want to know?

[AK] Is she the reason you don't trust me?

[FM] She may have something to do with why I don't trust anyone I'm intimate with, yes.

[Therapist] Keep asking, Alex...this is how you learn about each other.

[AK] Do you want me to tie you up and whip your cock with stinging nettles? I mean, how can I convince you I really love you.

Therapist's jaw drops. Her eyes fly open.

[FM] Babe, it's my problem to sort out. I know you love me. I mean, deep down I know it's true, but there's a little part of me that's waiting for you to screw me over.

[Therapist] Alex, I think the more clarifying question to ask next might be, what did she do to cause that kind of distrust?

[AK] Why does what she did to you make you wary of me, Fox? What's the worst thing I could do to you? I mean the real, absolute worst thing?

[FM] I loved her and she knew it. She used that to manipulate me and ended up playing me for a fool. Don't take this the wrong way, but you betrayed my trust once...

[AK] Not from my perspective I didn't.

[Therapist] Fox, how did Alex betray you?

[FM] He posed as someone I could trust, but it turned out he was working against me.

[Therapist] Was he working for the same people he works for now?

[FM] Yes.

[AK] No. Not true. I worked with you. I protected you. They would have taken you if I hadn't stopped you.

[Therapist] Is he working against you now?

[FM] I don't know.

[Therapist] Alex?

[AK] I'm not working for the same people.

[FM] You have nothing to do with the smoking bastard?

[AK] I don't work for him.

Therapist rubs her stomach.

[Therapist] Will you two excuse me a moment?

[AK] okay.

Therapist leaves the room precipitously.

[FM] Alex, who *are* you working for? You never tell me.

[AK] I work with an Englishman. He and the smoker don't agree.

[FM] That's probably because he has his own agenda. That doesn't necessarily mean you *aren't* working against me.

[AK] Fox, if I was working against you, I wouldn't feed you the information I do. I could have killed you at least 3 times a night since we got together.

[FM] I know that. Logically, I understand, but you could be lulling me into a false sense of security.

[AK] Why would I? You and I are working towards the same things.

[FM] I don't know the way your mind works. Maybe you'd get off on it. So you say....

[AK] I tell you everything I can without putting your life in danger.

Therapist opens the door

[FM] Fine, let's just drop it. I'll blame my paranoia on Phoebe and be done with it, okay?

[Therapist] Actually...it's not okay.

[AK] What do you want from me? How can I convince you?

Therapist walks back in and sits down.

[FM] You could stop working for those people.

[Therapist] Scapegoating doesn't solve the problem, Fox. Alex?

[AK] What? How can I stop?

[Therapist] What's keeping you there?

[AK] I can't. You won't believe how much depends on it, Doc.

[Therapist] Try me.

[AK] The world as we know it will come to an end and we'll all become incubators for aliens who want the earth?

[FM] When he puts it that way, makes me sound pretty selfish, doesn't it?

[AK] You and I are probably two of a handful that won't be suitable for incubating the little bastards, Fox, I made sure of that.

[FM] How the hell can you have all this power, Alex?

[Therapist] Actually, he makes himself sound certifiable.

[FM] Doc, trust me, he's not lying.

[Therapist] For some reason...I believe you. Fox, do you believe he needs to be where he is?

Therapist looks at AK.

[AK] I don't have too much power. I just weasel myself in where I need to be.

[FM] If I have to think about everyone beside myself, yes, he's where he need to be.

[AK] Baby, why do you think I got you to Tunguska? I had to get you inoculated.

[Therapist] Gentlemen, we need to scale this down from a global level to a more personal one.

[FM] How did you know I'd take you along with me? I was ready to leave you at the airport.

[AK] I yelled at you in Russian, didn't I? You ever hear me do that before?

[FM] No, but you were pissed off. There's no way you could have guaranteed I wouldn't ignore you.

Therapist sits back, turning green, letting them yell at each other.

[AK] I had other contingency plans if that hadn't worked, but I know you. I knew it would work.

[FM] That's a frightening thought.

[AK] What, love? That I know you? You'd rather I didn't?

[FM] Yeah... apparently better than I know myself. I don't like it.

[AK] Not better, but I know you. I love you. I loved you then too.

[FM] I want to say I felt the same way, but...

[AK] But if I'd asked you to take me with you, you'd have refused, wouldn't you? Remember what you said to me? "We can't help you, K." You wouldn't have agreed on principal would you?

Therapist rubs her tummy again.

[FM] I remember. I didn't know how useful you'd be and even if I did, the last thing I wanted to do was work with you. You're right. You okay, Doc? Are we making you sick or something?

[AK] So I had to manipulate you. I needed to go with you and make sure you were safe. Oh, Doc? You incubating an alien or what?

[Therapist] No...I'll be fine...just a touch of the flu... please continue, you're doing splendidly.

[FM] You're great at manipulating me, babe.

[AK] I don't want to manipulate you. I just want to love you.

[FM] I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

[AK] If I fuck about with you, you won't trust me, will you?

[Therapist] Gentlemen, I want you to stay here and keep this conversation going for as long as you can.It seems that, in this environment, you're more prone to talking than other activities, so I think it's a good idea for you to remain here. I'm not feeling very well.

Therapist gets up to leave.

[AK] Uh...bye doc.

[Therapist] The cleaning crew will see to locking up...no stains on the couch, okay?

[FM] I'm not making any promises.

Therapist leaves.

[AK] Hey, what do you make of that? Pretty weird, huh?

[FM] I can't believe she just left like that.

[AK] You're a psychologist. Why did she do that?

[FM] Well, she looked pretty green around the gills, but I have no idea why she'd leave expecting us to continue talking. Yes, we were doing well, but she knows how easily distracted we are.

[AK] You think she's on the level?

[FM] I think so. What do you think?

[AK] I have no clue. She does some pretty weird shit. Good legs though.

[FM] Yeah, her methods are unconventional at best. But she did look hot in that leather. You noticed, too?

[AK] Noticed? Whoa, mama! Baby, you didn't notice my sincere enthusiasm after that? My ardor got a lot harder...

[FM] Are you telling me you weren't turned on solely by me? I'm insulted!

[AK] LOL... I bet she got to you too...

[FM] Of course she did.

[AK] Loads of things turn me on... You especially.

[FM] Hmm...I feel the same way. Feeling that way now, actually. But do you think we *should* talk some more? You know, doctor's orders and all that shit.

[AK] Okay. What did you want to talk about?

[FM] I don't remember...I'm sorry, I can't stop thinking about fucking you on this couch. What do you want to talk about?

[AK] Well...we were talking about not getting stains on the couch.

[FM] oh, right. Um, do you just want to head home, then? I'll make sure we don't get charged for this session.

[AK] Hey, baby, I don't mind paying. She's okay. You look really hot in that suit. New?

[FM] Yes it is, actually. I'm surprised you noticed.

[AK] Jeez, lover, think I ever fail to look at you? Those fit real tight over your butt.

[FM] Nah, but I figured all my suits look the same to you. I'm not exactly a snazzy dresser. You've been checking out my ass?

[AK] Baby, you're the snazziest, and I check it out every single day.

[FM] But you shouldn't be talking about tight pants, babe.

[AK] Hey, you don't like 'em on me?

[FM] Are you kidding me?

[AK] Hoped you did, babe.

[FM] The only thing I like better than seeing you in those jeans, is seeing you out of them.

[AK] I love yours on you, but I like them better off.

AK laughs.

[FM] Babe, unless you want me to rip those off you right here, I say we leave.

[AK] Okay. Let's go home.

[FM] Great idea.

Session with FM alone (Smithsonian Institute. 10/13/99)

[Therapist] Thanks, for meeting me here Fox.

[FM] No problem, but can I ask why here?

[Therapist] I thought we might do better away from the office...maybe give you a bit more breathing room.

[FM] oh, okay. You'll have to forgive me if I'm a little distracted.

[Therapist] Why?

[FM] I just have a tendency to be on the lookout for... trouble. Old habit.

[Therapist] I see...well at least I know I'll be safe.

Therapist smiles.

[FM] As safe as you can be with me looking out for you.

Therapist laughs.

[Therapist] How have things been with you and Alex this week?

[FM] Pretty good. Yeah, they've been good.

[Therapist] Care to elaborate on that a bit?

[FM] We've been talking like you wanted us to. And we've been... the sex has been really good, too.

[Therapist] You were supposed to spend some time getting to know each other's history...what did you find out?

[FM] I found out that I should shut the hell up when I start to feel sorry for myself.

Therapist raises an eyebrow.

[FM] When I did finally manage to get any information out of him, I found out that he's had a hard life. His dad was killed when Alex was only ten.

[Therapist] Tell me about it? How did that affect him?

[FM] He wouldn't go into it with me, but I'm sure it had the same effect as it would on any young boy who lost his father.

[Therapist] From your POV, what effect would that be?

[FM] He would have no male role model. Considering his father was executed for being a spy, he'd have no sense of loyalty to any one government. But that's getting more into who he is now.

[Therapist] No. Go on...I'm interested to see how you think the events of his childhood effect him today.

[FM] He has problems with authority figures yet he seeks their approval. I see it in the way he interacts with me.

[Therapist] And you think that attitude comes from the death of his father?

[FM] Perhaps... or the fallout. I got the impression that his home life was less than ideal after his father was killed. He had no structure at home and learned from an early age that he had to take care of himself.

[Therapist] Fox, I guess what I want to know is...now that you have a better understanding of how Alex's past affected him, how does it change the way you see him now?

[FM] I feel sorry for him. Is that bad?

[Therapist] Not necessarily...sympathy can be a very healthy thing that keeps us connected, but maybe you should explain a little further.

[FM] Well, before I wanted to protect him to keep him safe. You know, so he'd always be here for me. Now, I want to protect him because he needs someone to look out for him. He's a lot more vulnerable than people think.

[FM] I don't even know if that makes any sense.

[Therapist] Has this new revelation changed the way you see him in terms of his abilities?

[FM] Honestly, yes. I see him as more helpless. I know he's not. Rationally I know he's the same man. But...I know he'll resent it if he knew I think of him as helpless.

[Therapist] So if you think he'll resent it, how do you think you can begin to reconcile what you know to be the facts with what you feel?

[FM] I was hoping you could tell me, Doc.

[Therapist] I can't give you answers, Fox...you know that. But maybe this will help... Three years ago did you have any doubt that Alex was capable of doing his job?

[FM] No, none.

[Therapist] Why not?

[FM] He was very confident, capable. He just looked like someone who could do what he had to do.

[Therapist] Okay. Two years ago...any doubts?

[FM] No. Look, I know what you're getting at. Yes he's still capable. I know that. It's just something I have to get over on my own.

[Therapist] You wanted answers from me, Fox...now you're balking when those answers are staring you in the face.

[FM] Well, you're not telling me anything that I don't already know. Look, I'm sorry. I'm just afraid that I've lost a little respect for him and I don't want that.

[Therapist] Because you found out that he was in fact human?

[FM] Maybe.

[Therapist] How did the loss of your sister effect you? Did it break you?

[FM] No, it just made me more focused.

[Therapist] Really? Hmmm.... What you think the loss of his father did to him?

FM grins.

[FM] Okay, Doc. You've made your point. I think it made him a fighter.

[Therapist] Thank you.

Therapist mockingly bows her head with a smile.

[Therapist] One the problems I see you two facing, is this incessant need you have to "get over things on my own." What do you think that makes Alex think and feel about your relationship? Put yourself behind his eyes.

[FM] I have no idea what he thinks about our relationship.

[Therapist] Come, Fox...don't bullshit me. You're a profiler, not just by trade but by nature...best profiler the FBI has seen in years...Behavioral Science's golden boy...

[FM] I don't make a habit of profiling my lovers.

[Therapist] You really expect me to believe that you have no idea about what the man you LIVE with thinks about your relationship?

[FM] Fine. He doesn't think I trust him. He thinks I don't want to open up to him, and he thinks I don't want him to open up to me.

[Therapist] Why don't I believe you? For the past year, you've pushed him exactly as far as you knew he would take it... How did you so accurately test the limits?

[FM] Just lucky, I guess.

[Therapist] Try again.

[FM] Doc, I don't feel comfortable talking about him when he's not here. This whole thing makes me uncomfortable.

[Therapist] Diversionary tactics only work on those who don't know how to use them. But I'll give you points for trying.

Therapist smiles.

[FM] You're a hardass. You know that?

[Therapist] My ass thanks you for the compliment. How did you so accurately test the limits?

[FM] Because I knew how far I could push him. I can't explain it.

[Therapist] Try. Think back to when you made your first assessment...

[FM] I can read his signals. I *know* him. I know the way he thinks.

[Therapist] How?

[FM] I don't know how. What do you want me to say? I love the guy. Why shouldn't I be able to know how I make him feel?

[Therapist] Okay...being able to read his signals, you should be able to create at least a working hypothesis about how it makes him feel about your relationship to him when you constantly feel the need to work everything you go through out alone. You just told me there is no reason why you can't know how you make him feel.

[FM] And I told you that I know it bothers him when I don't open up to him.

[Therapist] Bothers?

[FM] Bothers...hurts...whatever.

[Therapist] So you love him, and you know what it does to him when you exhibit these behaviors...so now we need to figure out what's keeping you from doing something about it.

[FM] Maybe I'm just a jerk.

[Therapist] Maybe - or maybe there is something else holding you back?

[FM] I don't want him to realize I'm some messed up freak that doesn't deserve him. But what's your take on it? I'm sure the two of you had a pleasant talk about me. What did he tell you?

[Therapist] Okay...we've gone from diversionary to defensive...

[FM] I'm not being defensive. Why do you say I'm being defensive?

[Therapist] Knock it off, Fox...I'm here to help you only if you actually want to be helped. Does Alex love you?

[FM] Yes, he loves me.

[Therapist] Would he harm you in any way?

[FM] Not if he could help it.

[Therapist] Then don't worry about what Alex and I discussed. Use this time to focus that incredible perception of yours on your own feelings right now.

[FM] That's the thing. I'd rather focus on him. My feelings aren't all that important.

[Therapist] Why not?

[FM] Because there's nothing to discuss. We're seeing you because we think we don't trust each other. I trust him. He doesn't trust me. End of story. Let's work on getting him to trust me.

[Therapist] Cut the crap, Fox. It doesn't work that way and you know it! I can't just give you a cure-all pill and make everything rosy. And if you think that he's the only one here with trust issues, you're not as bright as you look.

[Therapist] Now can we stop this denial two-step and get down to work?

[FM] Okay, fine. Just don't bring out the whip. Jesus!

[Therapist] Push me just a little farther.

Therapist laughs.

[FM] You'd like that, wouldn't you?

[Therapist] That's a conversation for another time...I believe you owe me an explanation.

[FM] I do? For what?

[Therapist] You said you didn't want him to find out you were messed up...why not?

[FM] He'll leave me. He doesn't like weak people.

[Therapist] You assume he'd think you were weak?

[FM] Yes. He's managed to use his past to make something of himself. I've let mine hold me back.

[Therapist] Hold you back from what?

[FM] From being a normal, non-obsessed member of society.

[Therapist] Being obsessed makes you weak?

[FM] I think so, to a certain extent. I also don't want him to think of me the way I think of him. You know - what I told you before?

[Therapist] You mean being unable to take care of yourself because of your vulnerability?

[FM] Yes.

[Therapist] Can you take care of yourself, Fox?

[FM] Yeah.

[Therapist] There's not really a whole lot of conviction in your voice.

[FM] I don't want to sound like some kind of helpless moron. Of course I can take care of myself. I always have.

[Therapist] So maybe we should start with a few definitions. How do you define "weak"?

[FM] Not being able to stand up for yourself. Relying too much on others.

[Therapist] But you just told me that you've always been able to take care of yourself.

[FM] I have. That's why I don't want Alex to know too much about me.

[Therapist] You're contradicting yourself, Fox. Help me understand what you're trying to say.

[FM] Look, if I open up to someone, it changes things. It makes me care about them more or something. I need them more. I'm not saying this very well...

[Therapist] Keep talking, Fox. It'll clear itself up eventually.

[FM] When I've told people everything about me, instead of understanding, they've used it against me. So, I'm basically left with someone who I feel should be there more for me, and the opposite happens.

[Therapist] What about you do you think Alex hasn't seen yet?

[FM] You'd have to ask him that. He seems to accuse me of not wanting to ever talk to him.

[Therapist] I asked what do *you* think he hasn't seen. Maybe I should ask what you think you've hidden from him?

[FM] Sometimes I get the impression he thinks I'm stronger than I am. I never tell him how much some of the things I've been through have affected me. I don't want to burst his bubble.

[Therapist] What's the worst thing that could happen if you did destroy the illusion that *you* are more than human?

[FM] He'd leave me.

[Therapist] Do you really believe that he would leave you if he sees some of your flaws? When you discovered his mortality, did it even cross your mind to bail?

[FM] Of course not, but I'm not him. He gets antsy. He doesn't have time to waste on some wuss.

[Therapist] So what you're telling me is that you're not sure he would stay with you if you let him inside?

[FM] Yeah. Sorry for taking the long way to get to that.

[Therapist] Before you asked me to work on getting him to trust you. Are you starting to see the areas where you don't trust him?

[FM] But I do trust him.

[Therapist] Let's define trust. What is trust to you?

[FM] Putting your life in someone else's hands...knowing they won't hurt you...oh... Okay. I guess I don't trust him...

[Therapist] Admission is the first step. See how much less painful it is when you don't fight me?

Therapist laughs.

[FM] Yeah, you're right I guess, but you're so easy to fight.

FM smiles in response.

[Therapist] And you've only been given a taste.

[FM] You mean there's more? Yikes.

Therapist looks up from under her lashes coyly.

[FM] Uh oh...I don't trust that look. Alex looks like that right before he...

FM clears throat.

[Therapist] He?

[FM] Hey, there are some things a gentleman doesn't share.

[Therapist] Gentleman, huh? You didn't seem to mind sharing the other night when you invited me to watch the festivities.

[FM] That was different. Alex was there. I'm much less, um, modest when I'm with him.

[Therapist] Ahhhh...I was wondering when the "sly" fox would emerge.

FM grins.

[FM] And has he?

[Therapist] Seems so. Now you're trying to profile *me*.

[FM] What makes you say that?

[Therapist] You're flirting.

[FM] Is that a bad thing?

[Therapist] No...just telling.

[FM] And what is it telling you? I'm curious.

[Therapist] You're flirting, but you're devoted to Alex. Seems like a good way to "get to know" someone.

[FM] I see...but I suppose I shouldn't try it with you, hmm?

[Therapist] I didn't say that.

[FM] So, doc, you wanna get to know me?

Therapist stays quiet and smiles sweetly.

[FM] Is that a yes?

[Therapist] I think you're walking a very dangerous line here, Fox.

FM sighs.

[FM] And what would that be?

[Therapist] I'm your therapist. It's generally not a recommended form of therapy to fuck your patients.

[FM] Have you ever tried it? You may be surprised.

Therapist giggles.

[Therapist] Is that an offer?

[FM] Depends. Do you think Alex would kick my ass if I went through with it?

FM grins.

[Therapist] Probably...but it kind of depends on whether or not he was invited.

[FM] Oh, so neither of you would have a problem with a threesome, huh?

[Therapist] Again...is that an offer?

[FM] Sure. You know where I live.

[Therapist] I'll remember that. You wanna tell Alex with or without me present?

[FM] Either way...he wouldn't mind. We talk about you all the...

FM gives a guilty look.

[Therapist] Really? And what is it you discuss?

[FM] Mostly that leather outfit of yours, but other times we talk about your methods.

[Therapist] Why is getting details from you about anything like pulling teeth without novocaine?

[FM] Maybe because I work for the government. What do you think?

[Therapist] I think it's because you trust no one...but we'll get you there eventually.

[FM] That's pretty much my trademark, Doc.

[Therapist] I'm sorry, Fox, but I have to be going.

[FM] Okay, good.

[Therapist] We're scheduled to meet - the three of us - tomorrow night.

[FM] Right. Okay. We'll be there with bells on.

[Therapist] Fox, I need to ask you not to talk to Alex about the things we discussed here today.

[FM] Don't worry. I'm not eager to share with him.

[Therapist] We'll discuss everything together tomorrow night.

[FM]Fine.

[Therapist] Well then...goodnight, Fox.

Therapist turns toward the door.

[FM] Bye, doc. Try not to dream about me, tonight. Alex'll get jealous.

Session: one on one with AK. Starbucks Coffee House 10/12/99

[Therapist] Hello, Alex...can I buy you a cup of coffee?

[AK] Sure thing, Doc. Mocha would be nice.

[Therapist] So tell me how's it going at home?

[AK] Okay.

[Therapist] Care to expand on that?

[AK] How? I mean, what do you want to know?

[Therapist] Well...let's start with this...in the last few days have you learned anything new about Fox. Not so much about experiences, but about have they made him feel?

[AK] I'm guessing that they made him feel pretty awful, because he gets really ratty when I try to discuss them. He's had a shitty life.

[Therapist] What about his life makes you think that?

[AK] He was okay 'til he was about 9, I guess.

[Therapist] Then what?

[AK] Then his sister was abducted and he was there. He feels that it was his fault...like a 9-year-old could do anything.

[Therapist] Does that event give you any ideas as to why he reacts to you the way he does?

[AK] Seems like his parents blamed him for it too, but he won't talk about that. I think they hit him. No. Why would it have anything to do with me. I wasn't there.

[Therapist] Do you think that the danger your work puts you in gives him any cause to associate the events relating to his sister with his fear of losing you?

[AK] No. Not unless you think he might imagine I took her. That would be nuts though. I was only 2.

[Therapist] That's not what I mean. He lost someone very important to him, and he feels like he should have prevented it. Do you think that maybe he might feel the same kind of responsibility toward you?

[AK] That implies someone is going to abduct me, and that I can't look after myself. Doesn't seem sensible to me.

[Therapist] Perhaps...or maybe it implies that he is afraid of losing you, too. You've said that you've protected him in the past, right?

[AK] Yeah. He throws himself into situations without thinking. The first time I ever killed anyone, it was to save his life.

[Therapist] That protective instinct you feel for him...isn't it possible he feels the same about you?

[AK] It's possible I suppose, but he doesn't do it for a reason. He seems to be spying on me, not trusting me.

[Therapist] Are you sure? He couldn't just be trying to make sure that the people you work for aren't going to hurt you? They don't seem like particularly trustworthy types.

[AK] The man I work for is trustworthy. Sure he has enemies, but he's been trustworthy from the very beginning.

[Therapist] Do you think that Fox can be sure of that? Put yourself in his shoes for a moment...would you feel secure in that now that you understand a little better how his past has affected him?

[AK] He makes bad decisions. He knows I love him. Why would he snoop on me all the time? He didn't do it with Phoebe. He did whatever she told him to do, however brutal. He trusted her. Seems like I've got to hurt him to get his attention.

[Therapist] Your avoiding the question, Alex.

[AK] I don't know if I would feel secure or not. How can I know that. I've had to look after myself all of my life. I've never been in a situation like that. It's completely alien to me.

[Therapist] But try and place yourself behind his eyes...see what he sees. If you lost someone that you loved, and thought your whole life that you could have prevented it, doesn't it seem logical that maybe you would do everything you possibly could not to let it happen again to someone else you loved?

[AK] He couldn't possibly have prevented it. He was 9 years old. Why does he even feel that?

[Therapist] For right now, let's not deal with the 'whys' of how he feels, and instead focus on the reality of those feelings... and you're avoiding the question again.

[AK] Look, for the sake of argument, say that I would... I do want to keep him safe, but that isn't what he does.

[Therapist] Really?

[AK] Really.

[Therapist] You've had to look after yourself alone for most of your life, correct?

[AK] Yep. My dad died when I was 10 and my Mom...well, let's just say she drank a bit after that.

[Therapist] Could it, for the sake of argument, be that you simply are unaccustomed to someone trying to do it for you? Could it be that it's difficult for you to believe that someone wants to keep you safe?

[AK] Sits for a minute, a dubious expression on his face.

[AK] I guess. God, I don't even know why I love him.

[Therapist] These aren't judgments, Alex...I just want you to think about some... extreme possibilities?

[AK]That's funny.

[Therapist] I may be wrong, but maybe it's because he does the things that drive you nuts. Why is that funny?

[AK] I could consider the possibility.

[Therapist] That's good.

[AK] He makes his living chasing extreme possibilities. That's what he calls them.

Therapist chuckles.

[AK] He bends over backwards to hunt out weirdness.

[Therapist] Which may explain why he loves you, too.

[AK] Are you telling me I'm weird? Why would you think that?

[Therapist] In a cute, neurotic sort of way.

[AK] Hey... He's neurotic. I'm just pragmatic. I do what it takes to fit in.

[Therapist] Fit in with whom?

[AK] With whatever I have to...whoever I have to. If the big guns are pointing at me, I say what it takes. It's survival.

[Therapist] You've stated your attitude on life very concisely... how do you think that effects the way you look at Fox?

[AK] When I'm with him, I don't want to have to dissemble. I don't want to have to think about surviving, just about being with him. He won't share himself though. Sometimes I feel so ... hungry.

[Therapist] Hungry for what?

[AK] Him. I want him... I want to know him properly, and get inside all the prickles. Do you know what I mean?

[Therapist] Tell me.

[AK] He's so edgy and untrusting, but inside he's so sweet. I want to be there...inside of that.

[Therapist] And you don't think you are?

[AK] I know I'm not. He pushes me away when I try.

[Therapist] Pushes you away how?

[AK] He gets mad at me. Accuses me of really stupid things to change the subject, or he freezes me out.

[Therapist] Care to give me an example?

[AK] Oh, I dunno. I was trying to do like you said and ask him about his past, and he was kissing me and stuff. I said it was for you, and it would help us, and he just said "Fine, whatever" and walked away. He went out.

[Therapist] You mean he walked away from you rather than stay and talk?

[AK] Yeah.. He does it a lot. I feel like he meters the sex I get.

[Therapist] Meters?

[AK] Lets me have just enough, and then plays games like that.

[Therapist] Why let him?

[AK] Don't want him to... to leave me.

[Therapist] So you'd rather allow him the power to control the rules of your relationship rather than lose him?

[AK] I couldn't go on if I lost him. He's everything.

[Therapist] Alex, I think that one of the things we need to address here is the way you value yourself... or, should I say, don't value yourself.

[AK] I don't understand.

[Therapist] Loving someone enough to place their needs ahead of your own can be a noble and reasonable healthy thing. But making the object of your affection the center of your world can be very dangerous. It's not a healthy thing at all to lose your own identity only to have it replaced by your lovers.

[AK] I don't think that's what's happened. I know who I am.

[Therapist] Who are you, Alex? When you look at yourself in the mirror, who do you see?

[AK] Me. I see me.

[Therapist] Describe yourself for me.

[AK] I'm 6'" tall, and slim with dark brown hair, a dumb nose, and big eyes... Girls like the eyes. I wear a lot of casual stuff. I've got an arm missing and I wear an earring.

[Therapist] You know what I mean, Alex.

[AK] Well is that what you wanted to know.

[Therapist] Describe for me who you are.

[AK] I'm Alex. I don't know what you want.

[Therapist] Yes you do... Stop playing with me, Alex.

[AK] I'm not. I'm a lone person. I'm... I'm someone who fights for everything, someone who has managed to stay alive despite the odds. I'm a survivor, but I'm not happy... at least I never was before. Now I've got Fox in my life.

[Therapist] Having Fox in your life is all it takes to make you happy? It's a yes or no question, Alex.

[AK] No. I need more than that. I need Fox to love me.

[Therapist] But you let him play his power games...isn't that enough to make him love you?

[AK] I don't know. It doesn't seem to work somehow.

[Therapist] Alex? Remember grade school? Remember that one little kid who always followed along and did what the other kids told him to?

[AK] Yeah?

[Therapist] Did following along work for him?

[AK] Don't see what you're saying, Doc. I'm not following him. He's following me.

[Therapist] I'm not speaking literally here, Alex. Follow me carefully.

[AK] Go on.

[Therapist] By letting him play these power games with you...and you not challenging him on it...

[AK] What else can I do? Fight, that's what. You said we should stop fighting.

[Therapist] NO...I said you should stop fucking long enough to bring the fight to a real resolution! The problem with the two of you fighting is that it leads to sex a lot faster than when you talk.

[AK] When I talk he goes away.

[Therapist] Have you ever tried challenging him on that?

[AK] You mean run after him like that kid? Nope. Seems undignified somehow. You think I should?

[Therapist] No, I'm not saying run after him. But later, rather than just letting it go, confront him with the fact that it hurts you when he behaves like that. It's difficult to build a healthy relationship when the foundation isn't mutual respect. And you can't respect someone who kisses your ass.

[AK] I like to kiss his ass. I know. That was a cheap shot! Sorry. You think I should tie him up and make him listen to me?

[Therapist] It was honest though.

[AK] Have you seen his ass? Oh, God hot! Check it out next time he's in here.

[Therapist] No bondage, Alex. But you have to learn how to tell him when he hurts you so he can learn to alter his behavior. I'll check it out, but only with your permission.

[AK] You can look... It's worth it. So I say "Fox, that hurts me, and he says "Sure, fine, whatever." What then?

[Therapist] I don't expect that to be his response...but if it is, you tell him that it's a problem you want to discuss.

[AK] That's how he deals with it. That's his response to it all.

[Therapist] If he still says, "Sure, fine, whatever." Then you point out that that is exactly the behavior in question.

AK appears dubious.

[AK] I can try it and see.

[Therapist] Good. In the mean time, shifting gears, tell me more about his ass.

AK grins, and then leans back, considering.

[AK] It's lean, and tight, and the muscles come from running... Nice and supple and curved, and he goes totally batshit when you rim him.

Therapist's eyebrows jump, then a smile follows.

[Therapist] Sex therapy, you don't need. And what about you, Alex...what drives you completely batshit?

[AK] I never saw anyone go crazy the way he does when you stick it to him. He never went with a man until me. That makes me feel weak, right there.

[Therapist] What?

[AK] That I can make him feel like that when nobody else ever has.

[Therapist] But aside from what doing things to him makes you feel, what is it you like him to do to you?

[AK] Me, I love his mouth...just anywhere on me, but especially... oh, shit, I shouldn't be talking like this to you.

[Therapist] Why?

[AK] You're a woman, and it's harassment. Besides, you know...

[AK] It's not straight. It's...we're... Oh, shit.

[Therapist] Alex...believe me when I tell you that I'm the last person you need to be embarrassed with.

[AK] Well, I don't want to upset you. I'm better at doing it than talking about it.

[Therapist] I think the two of you are beautiful together... fun to watch, too.

[AK] LOL... You wanna watch? Fox might get a little perturbed.

[Therapist] Ya think?

Therapist laughs heartily.

[AK] I live for his mouth on mine though. You just look at that mouth of his and know it's special.

[Therapist] I think it would be best not to discuss our session with him until he's had his own, and we can meet together again.

[AK] You mean don't tell him what we talked about? Or keep the meeting a secret?

Walter enters the Starbucks, sees the two of them and wanders across.

[Walter] Hey, baby.

[Therapist] Don't tell him what we talked about...yet. It might do you some good to think about it yourself before you share it with him.

[AK] I'm thinking. You want me to write down a list?

[Therapist] If you think it will help you organize your thoughts.

[Therapist] Hello, Walter

Therapist looks uneasy.

[Walter] Who's he?

[Therapist] No one you need to be concerned with...is there something I can help you with?

[AK] Uh... Doc?

[Walter] Yeah... listen. I want you to give me another chance.

Therapist looks at AK.

[Therapist] Yes?

[Walter] Excuse me, buddy, I'm talking to the lady. You mind?

[AK] Doc? You want me to leave? To Walter Quite possibly I do mind.

[Therapist] No, that's all right. Walter is just passing through. Walter, I told you I didn't want to see you and I meant it.

[Walter] Come on, baby. I've changed. Please give me another chance. At least have dinner with me.

[Therapist] Alex...I can take care of this.

[AK] Okay, Doc.

[Therapist] Baby? Walter, I've tried to be polite...I've tried to be gentle...now I'm just going to be clear - get lost.

Walter grabs the Therapist's arm.

[Walter] Hey, you owe me.

AK stands up.

Therapist pulls arm away and stands, knocking the chair over.

[Therapist] I owe you nothing, not even the air in my personal space that you're breathing. Now walk away from here now, Walter, or I promise you that walking may become difficult when I'm through with you.

[Walter] oh, what're you gonna do?

Walter turns and gets into K's face.

[Walter] hey, buddy, why don't you sit down.

Therapist offers an icy glare.

[Therapist] Don't test me...

AK folds his arms and looks mean.

[Walter] Jesus. Fine. But this isn't over.

Walter stalks away in a manly huff.

[Therapist] I'm sorry about that, Alex...it was very inappropriate.

[AK] Who was the jerk, Doc? You need me to walk you to your car?

[Therapist] Someone I no longer choose to be associated with. I would enjoy your company, but it's not necessary...have you forgotten what I did to Fox when he tried to grab me? And he's been trained.

[AK] Okay, Doc... You can call me an MCP but I'd feel better...

[Therapist] Thank you, Alex...

AK and the Therapist leave.

Session 8: Therapist's Office: 10/28/99

[Therapist] Well, come in... We'll leave the door open for him.

[AK] Where'd you go, babe?

[Therapist] Sit down, gentlemen.

[FM] I forgot something in the car. Hey, Doc.

[Therapist] Hello, Fox.

[AK] How's it hanging?

[Therapist] I'm sure you'll show me later...shall we begin.

[FM] Hey, Alex, she's feeling feisty.

Therapist waggles her eyebrows.

[Therapist] I'd like to start this evening by addressing a slightly personal issue...

[AK] You know, it doesn't really HANG as much as jut. Like that?

FM laughs out loud. Then, he nudges AK.

[FM] I think she's going to tell us if she got lucky or not.

[AK] I've got my notebook. Lie back here on this couch, Doc.

[Therapist] Alex, I want to thank you for your concern the other night...but I'm forced to take issue with your chosen method of conflict resolution.

[FM] Excuse me? Alex, what is she talking about?

[AK] Doc? I'm a little confused myself.

[Therapist] Alex? Care to explain to Fox?

[AK] Care to explain it to me first?

[Therapist] I received a phone call a few days ago that informed me that my friend Walter was in the hospital.

[FM] Alex? Do you know anything about this?

[Therapist] It seems that an unidentified assailant attacked him in his apartment.

[AK] Why the hell would you even think I'd be involved?

[Therapist] Each of the digits on his hands *and feet* were repeatedly broken.

[FM] Babe? What did you do?

[Therapist] And it seems that one of his testicles was removed from its natural environment and he was forced to swallow it.

[AK] Oh yeah.... There's violence involved, so you instantly think of me. Thank you very much.

[AK] That sounds like the fucking Mafia, not me.

[FM] Okay. I'm sorry. If you say you didn't have anything to do with it, I believe you.

[Therapist] Creative violence, Alex...I believe that *is* your forte?

[FM] Doc, he said he didn't do anything. Can you lay off?

[Therapist] You may believe him...I'm not entirely sure I do.

[AK] What's creative about finger breaking?

[Therapist] Listen, Alex...I'm not saying the jerk didn't deserve it.

[AK] Look, Doc, just because you know I'm an enforcer, you're picking on me.

[Therapist] Not picking, Alex...thanking.

[FM] But he didn't do it, Doc.

[AK] You think that's clever? You think violence solves anything?

[Therapist] But I'm curious why you felt the need to shave his head, too?

[Therapist] Has he said that, Fox?

[FM] Yes, he has. He doesn't understand why you're interrogating him and, frankly, neither do I.

[AK] For fuck's sake. What do I have to do? If I say I did it, or I didn't do it, you'll still think I did. What's the point of even telling you anything.

[Therapist] Alex...have you said that you didn't do it?

[AK] You heard me.

[FM] Doc, I don't think you're being fair to him.

[Therapist] Fox, I have to give Alex credit...he's better at the avoidance tactic than you are.

[FM] What is that supposed to mean?

[Therapist] Yes or no, Alex...did you do it?

[AK] Well, fuck you. Why don't you leave me alone?

FM puts an arm around AK.

[FM] God, Doc, what is wrong with you?

[Therapist] Alex, there is no judgment here...I just want the chance to explore your motivations.

[AK] What the hell is that supposed to mean? Fox, what is she talking about.

[FM] I don't know, babe, but she's starting to piss me off.

[Therapist] That means that I'm not here to pass judgment on your actions. I'm just here to help figure out why you did them.

[AK] Why do you think I would do them?

[FM] Are you deaf? He said he didn't do anything!

[Therapist] Take lessons, Fox...he's better at this than you are. NO, FOX...HE DIDN'T! Listen carefully to what he's been saying.

[FM] Stands up. That's it. We're out of here.

[AK] Baby?

[FM] What?

[Therapist] He has never answered the question directly.

[FM] Well, it's a ridiculous question.

[Therapist] Has he, Fox? Think carefully.

AK stares moodily into space.

[Therapist] You're making an assumption again...remember we talked about this.

[FM] He wouldn't lie to me. I asked him what he knew about it and he said...

[Therapist] Your selective hearing needs to be addressed further, but right now we need to finish dealing with this. He said what?

[FM] He didn't say anything either way.

[Therapist] What did he say, Fox? Exactly.

[Therapist] Like I said, he's better at this than you are.

[AK] She's so full of shit, Fox.

[FM] Babe, did you do it? Tell me one way or the other.

[AK] Oh, baby. Why are you listening to her?

[Therapist] Alex, I'm not angry or upset. I'm not even horrified. But I want to know why you felt you needed to do this?

[FM] I'm not listening to her. I know you didn't do it, but she seems to think otherwise. I'm asking you just to shut her up.

Therapist gives a smug look.

[AK] The fucking bastard was pushing women around. I followed him, and he went and slapped a few more about after he left you. He took one poor little bitch's purse, and knocked her teeth out. Would you just leave that and walk away?

[FM] Dammit, Alex.

[Therapist] So you wanted to protect these women?

[AK] Baby, it was nothing. I just wanted him to know what goes around comes around. Karma, you know? Baby?

[FM] I don't give a shit why you did it. Why the fuck did you let me make a fool of myself defending you?

[Therapist] Fox, we talked about understanding motivations, didn't we?

[FM] yeah, but I'm more concerned with why he looked me in the eye and lied to me.

[AK] Baby, I love you. I love you to defend me. You've never done it before. I didn't lie to you. I wouldn't.

[FM] You lied by omission. Just tell the Doc your fucking motivation, okay?

[AK] Huh?

[FM] You led me to believe you were innocent by not telling me the truth. I can make it simpler if that's too hard for you to understand.

[AK] I didn't tell you anything. I just wanted you to help me get away from her.

[FM] That's what I just said. God, Alex....you're so good at playing dumb.

[AK] Baby? Don't, please...

[FM] Just tell her what she wants to know, okay? She obviously knows you better than I do.

[Therapist] Enough of this.

[AK] I told you. I told her... There's nothing else.

[Therapist] Alex, did you pursue this man because you thought he was going to hurt *me*?

[AK] Yeah. I pursued him because I know his type. He's a jerk and a bully.

[Therapist] That's not what I asked.

[AK] Why couldn't you just have let it alone?

[Therapist] ANSWER ME, ALEX...DID YOU THINK HE WOULD HURT ME?

[AK] Next time I'll let him come back for you. Yeah. I told you. He had a knife. He was heading for your place. Satisfied. I broke a couple of his fingers and turned him loose and he went right back to work. He wouldn't listen. That kind have a one track mind.

[FM] You should know.

[Therapist] Alex, you never mentioned that he was coming for me with a knife.

[AK] Well, it isn't really important.

[Therapist] Isn't it? Fox?

[FM] What? You're doing fine without my input.

[Therapist] Would you have tried to protect me if you knew I was in danger?

AK gets up and starts for the door.

[AK]I can't do this.

[Therapist] Alex, wait...please.

[AK] You shut up! Now he hates me again and you just had to push it didn't you?

[Therapist] Doesn't it kind of change the way you see this in light of why he did it?

Therapist shoots AK a glance.

[Therapist] Fox?

[FM] He was playing at being chivalrous. Hurray. That's not what concerns me.

[Therapist] Then what is your concern, Fox...specifically. Alex, please sit...you might want to hear this.

[AK] Think so? Can't think why.

[FM] I asked him, more than once, if he knew anything about what had happened. He avoided the question each time instead of leveling with me. I thought I'd be the one person he would tell the truth.

[Therapist] Because I have a feeling this is going to be a very big piece of the puzzle of understanding the man you love.

[Therapist] But, Fox...isn't also part of the reason you're angry because you made an assumption that turned out to be inaccurate. You were wrong, and that sucks. You didn't really stop to listen to what you were being told.

[FM] I don't care if I was wrong. I thought that if he didn't say he *had* done it, then he must not have. I was stupid enough to believe he'd be completely honest with me.

[Therapist] Listen to what you just said..."I thought that if he didn't say he *had* done it, then he must not have." That's a rather HUGE assumption, isn't it?

[FM] Only if you're in love with the person answering the question and expect them to tell you the truth.

[Therapist] Instead of listening, you just thought *your* answer was the correct one, rather than waiting for his answer. You fill in the blanks yourself and when they aren't right, then you get mad.

[FM] No, he had the chance to answer me. He chose not to.

FM sighs.

[FM] I don't know why I'm bothering...you have your mind made up that he's right and I'm wrong. Figures.

[Therapist] Not at all, Fox...Alex was absolutely wrong here. His actions were deceptive.

[FM] Fine. Yet you keep assigning me motivation for my actions when you have no idea what I was thinking or feeling.

[Therapist] But I want you to see your complicity in the current conflict. Fights aren't a one-directional avenue. Then tell me.

[FM] I know that! I resent you labeling my anger as nothing more than my ego being bruised because I was wrong.

[Therapist] Better yet...tell him. pointing at Alex.

[FM] Alex, do you understand what I'm trying to say?

[AK] No, I don't. You wanted me to confess to a crime in front of a witness, just to make you feel better? What's wrong with you? You pushed and pushed and wouldn't let it go.

[FM] I didn't push. I gave up and defended you after I asked you the first time. *She* pushed you.

[AK] I don't see why. You trying to get me locked up? You wanted to prove something. I told YOU, because you asked me point blank and I can't lie to you. Then you got huffy because you said I lied to you. I don't understand.

[FM] Oh god, babe, are you going to be a drama queen now? She said that she didn't care that you'd done it. That hardly sounds like someone who's going to turn you in.

[AK] Not the point. You believe her implicitly in everything, and not me. Okay. I admit it. I beat the bastard up. I did it. He deserved it. Come on, come and take me away. Make the streets safe for man and beast.

[FM] What the hell are you talking about? Did you even hear me tell her to drop the whole thing? How the hell is that me believing her over you? I don't care what you did, Alex. I believe you when you say the guy deserved it. I don't doubt your judgment at all, but how could you do something so risky?

[AK] It wasn't risky until you both got on my case. If you'd just stuck it out it woulda been fine, but you had to ask me.

[FM] Alex, I didn't ask you the original question, okay? I didn't bring it up. And it was risky because someone could have seen you. Whatever happens in this office doesn't scare me. The fact that you could have been caught at the scene scares the hell out of me.

[Therapist] Why does it scare you Fox?

[FM] Do you think I want him caught?

[Therapist] Tell him...not me.

[FM] Baby, if they'd caught you, I might not have been able to help you. I can't lose you because you do things like this.

[AK] Fox, there's no way in a million years that I could be caught.

[Therapist] Why is that, Alex?

[FM] You say that, but you can't *know* that. I don't want you taking unnecessary risks.

[AK] How could I be caught? He's a piece of shit. Nobody wanted to be near him, nobody misses him. Nobody would even be interested.

[FM] Jesus, Alex.

[AK] Fox, it wasn't unnecessary. That fucker was hurting people just because he could.

[Therapist] I think it's time we brought up some of the things we discussed in our individual sessions. Fox, do you want to tell Alex what you told me the other night?

[FM] I told you a lot of things.

[Therapist] Well...let's start with how you see him now.

[FM] This very second? I'd rather not.

[Therapist] Why? What makes this second different from any other?

[FM] I'm still pissed off at him.

[AK] That's okay. I'll go now, shall I?

[Therapist] No, Alex. You shan't.

[Therapist] Fox, do you assume any responsibility for your anger right now?

[FM] of course.

[Therapist] On what level?

[FM] I should know better than to let the little fuck get to me.

Therapist sighs.

[Therapist] Now try telling me the truth.

[FM] Why do you never believe anything I say? Harass him for a while.

[Therapist] STOP IT! Stop trying to hide. The more you hide from him...and more importantly yourself...the more impossible it becomes for the two of you to start really hearing each other.

[FM] Fine. What was the question?

[Therapist] You're not angry because the "little fuck" got to you.

[FM] No.

[Therapist] On what level are you responsible for the current conflict?

FM mumbles.

[Therapist] What was that?

[FM] I should have listened to what he was actually saying instead of making assumptions.

[Therapist] sigh of relief. Alex?

[AK] What?

AK is prowling about, picking stuff up and putting it down again.

[Therapist] Please come back and sit down.

[Therapist] Alex?

[AK] What?

[Therapist] Please sit down.

[AK] Why? What's the point?

[Therapist] The point is I want your undivided attention.

[AK] Oh, okay, go for it.

AK rolls his eyes, but sits and assumes a spurious attitude of interest.

[AK] I'm sitting.

[Therapist] Alex, what's your responsibility in this?

[AK] In what?

[Therapist] In this fight.

[AK] Hey, it isn't my fight.

FM growls.

[AK] I wasn't fighting. I was just trying to stay low.

[Therapist] You don't think that your behavior contributed to this?

[AK] Look, I came in here and you started on at me, roped Fox into it, and then backed off to make sure he would do what you wanted. If you want my opinion, you're mainly responsible. You want me to say that I'm to blame? Okay. I'm to blame. Now, what?

[Therapist] Fair enough...but now that I've accepted my part in this, how about you?

[AK] I'm responsible for being here. I'm responsible for myself. I don't take responsibility for anything else.

[Therapist] Stop being petulant!

[AK] That's not petulant, that's the truth. How can I assume responsibility for anything that 's out of my control?

[Therapist] Alex, all three of us played a part in this mess. The communication between you and Fox will only improve if you learn how to communicate period.

[AK] Go on then... Tell me what I'm doing wrong.

[Therapist] But it was in your control to be honest with Fox, wasn't it?

[AK] I was honest with him.

[Therapist] Were there other alternatives to being deliberately deceptive?

[AK] Yeah, I could've left.

[Therapist] Or?

[AK] I could've gone off to the cop shop and asked them to cuff me.

[Therapist] Or?

[AK] I could've said no, I didn't do it, and have done.

[Therapist] So far the only solutions you've presented involve you running away in one way or another.

[AK] I don't agree.

[Therapist] What would have happened if you said that you needed to talk to Fox privately, or asked him to wait for an answer till you got home?

[AK] That would've been tantamount to admitting it, wouldn't it?

[Therapist] Now I don't agree.

[AK] You say..."Ask him if he did it". I say "Fox, can I see you privately for a minute?" You think that isn't saying "Hell yeah?" Fox?

[FM] I think you're right.

[Therapist] And what would have been so wrong with answering the question directly?

[AK] Well, to answer plainly, Doc, I really don't see giving everyone the information that I committed a crime. I don't know you. Why should I trust you?

[Therapist] Why would you protect me?

[AK] I'll tell Fox anything he wants to know, but you're not Fox. Why not if you need it? Wouldn't you protect someone that needed it?

[Therapist] Alex, you've been hurt by a lot of things and a lot of people. And I know you love Fox...you've been very clear about that. But is it possible that you were trying to protect me, not just because I needed it but because you care for me, too. Not the same way, I realize, but nevertheless...

[AK] You know, Doc, I did it primarily because I have a down on arrogant assholes who get off on pushing people around. Sorry if that offends, but you could have been anybody. Think of it as pest control.

[Therapist] Kinda like you did to him?

[AK] Yeah, except that I did it to teach him how it felt.

[Therapist] Okay...I'll accept that.

Therapist sits back with a smile.

[AK] Fox?

[Therapist] Hey, guys...how does it feel to actually resolve a conflict?

[FM] yeah, babe? We did?

[AK] You know what I mean, don't you?

[FM] of course, I do. I love you for it.

AK leans in and starts to unfasten buttons on FM's Levis.

FM kisses Alex.

[FM]Baby....um, what are you doing?

[Therapist] We did, Fox...we took an argument, broke it down, and learned from it. Even though there was no winner, the conflict itself is resolved.

[AK] Resolving a conflict, lover.

[Therapist] Alex? What are you doing?

[FM] Oh....that's...that's a nice way to do it.

[AK] I'm conflicted, Doc.

[Therapist] Alex? ALEX?

AK drops to knees between FM's knees.

[Therapist] WHOOOOOAAAAA!

[AK] There needs to be a winner...mmmmm.

[FM] oh shit!

FM starts groaning.

[Therapist] Hey, hey, hey...I promise there will be time for that in a little while...we still have work to do!

[AK] Fox? Want me?

[FM] god, Alex....I love you....I want you so much.

Therapist rolls eyes, squirming in her chair.

[Therapist] Ehhhheemmmmm!

AK has extracted FM's penis, and is now going down on him - right down.

Therapist coughs.

FM gasps. Not just any gasp, but one of those really big ones that sounds like he's dying or something.

Therapist coughs loudly trying to get some attention.

[Therapist] OKAY...THAT'S IT!

[FM] oh god...Alex...so good...

FM is now half sitting, half lying as he writhes, moans and groans.

[AK] MMmmmmm?

AK is making slurping sounds as the length of FM's penis hits the back of his throat.

[AK] She said that was it...You coming, babe?

Therapist notes that FM's eyes are closed, AK's head is buried in his crotch...CRACK goes the whip.

AK grunts, a little dazed.

[FM] What the hell?

[Therapist] If I can please have your attention back for just a few minutes...

Therapist gives a sweet smile.

[FM] please....Doc....

AK reluctantly sits back on his heels.

[FM] Fuck!!

[Therapist] Please what, Fox?

[FM] what is your problem?

[Therapist] By the way...would you mind tucking that back inside your pants? It's a little distracting.

FM whines.

[FM] Can't we finish this?

AK laughs.

[AK] you should watch it pick up buns and stuff them up his ass.

[Therapist] Save it till just a little later...it'll be worth it.

Therapist still smiles sweetly.

[FM] Fine.

FM *carefully* tucks things away.

AK kisses FM hard.

[FM] Mmmmm!

FM starts going after AK's zipper.

[Therapist] Alex, don't make me crack this thing again...it may get a little closer to that sweet little ass than you'd like. Same goes for you, Fox.

[FM] glaring. You are a real pisser, you know that?

[Therapist] Oh?

[AK] So now what. I thought we'd resolved our conflicts. I got it. You want us to start work on our next conflict. Right?

[FM] stroking Alex's hair. We've got our own conflicts to resolve here, Doc. Cut us some slack.

[Therapist] You resolved a single disagreement...there are still deeper issues you have yet to tell each other about.

[FM] Like?

[Therapist] Okay...I see we're not going to get anywhere while the two of you are so...preoccupied...shall I give you some privacy?

[FM] What do you think, babe? Should we hear her out?

[AK] Oh, okay. Go on then. I can wait.

AK Sits on the floor, leaning on FM's thigh.

[Therapist] Wow...I'm impressed. We need to discuss the issues that each of you raised during our private sessions. Anyone want to volunteer to begin?

[FM] Why don't you start, Alex?

Therapist chuckles.

AK shifts uneasily.

[AK] Jeez, doc, I don't know.

[Therapist] Share only what you feel you can for now...we'll get to the rest later.

[FM] It's okay...go ahead.

[AK] I don't know, I tell you. I can't remember.

FM turns AK's head to face him...they lock eyes.

[FM] Do you want me to go first then?

[Therapist] Try a little harder and I'm sure it will come to you. The first thing we discussed was how you felt about the things Fox had shared with you from his past.

[AK] He doesn't share things from his past. You mean that I think he feels guilty? He told me he felt guilty for his sister being abducted. I think he takes too much on himself. He's trying to assume responsibility for stuff he couldn't possibly avert or salvage. He doesn't trust anyone. He won't trust me. He's afraid to.

[Therapist] But what does this knowledge do to how you see him?

[AK] I don't know. I see him as someone I want to be close to. It hurts me that he won't let me be close.

[Therapist] Fox, do you have a response to this?

[FM] I.... Do I have to tell him what I told you?

[Therapist] You don't want to?

[FM] Yeah, I do, but...

[Therapist]I'm waiting...

[FM] I want to be close to him...I want him to know everything about me, but I might lose him if he does.

AK lays his cheek against FM's thigh and rubs, cat-like.

Therapist waits.

[FM] What, Doc? What do you want me to say?

[Therapist] Whatever your heart tells you that you should.

[FM] I love him and I can't imagine a life without him. If I let him in, he'll see that I'm not worth it...he'll leave me for someone stronger or not as needy.

Therapist gives a satisfied smile, then a reassuring look to FM.

AK sits, looking as if he's just been stuffed.

FM leans forward, turns AK's head towards him and kisses him.

AK Flings self onto FM, overturning the chair and hurling them both to the ground.

[Therapist] Here we go again!

FM tries clumsily to get AK's shirt off.

[AK] Jesus, you asshole. you think I'm ever gonna let you go?

Therapist walks over and stands over them, high-heeled foot tapping, arms crossed.

[FM] Baby, I just don't want you to be disappointed when you find out who I really am...

[AK] Like I don't know... I just want you to let me in.

[FM] But you don't know me.... Not really. Not yet.

AK gives his lover a passionate kiss.

[AK] Baby, I know more of you than you want to think. I adore you, you jerk. All I want is a chance to share things with you instead of standing outside and watching.

FM hugs AK tightly.

[FM] I love you so much.

FM sniffs.

Therapist allows the whip to fall down and hang off her arm, tickling them both in the face.

AK sits up, pulling FM into his lap.

Therapist shakes her head.

FM looks up.

[FM]Yeah, Doc?

[Therapist] I was just feeling a little left out.

[FM] Gee, sorry. Aren't we allowed to have a moment? I thought you'd be happy about our breakthrough.

[Therapist] I am...

[FM] But....

AK has his hands under FM's clothing, busily rummaging and tweaking.

[AK] Baby?

[Therapist] But I think the two of you need some time right now

Therapist winks and leaves the room, looking back over her shoulder.

[Therapist] Just don't stain the couch.

AK watches her progress with lowered jaw.

[AK] Ummm... Baby?

[FM] Yeah?

[AK] I love you. I really love you.

[FM] I know...I love you, too. I'm sorry.

[AK] Sorry? Why, babe. I don't need you to be sorry. I need you to let me finish what I started a minute ago.

[FM] Oh...please, don't let me stop you.

AK dives into FM's lap.

[FM] whoa...don't...don't hold back, baby...

[AK] Come on, Fox...do it for me...give me all you've got.

FM moans.

[FM] Alex...

[AK] Bottom again? Rats!

Silence, save for slurping and groaning, then rapid panting and a cry or two can be heard.

When the heavy breathing calms down, and the two of them are into their post-coital glow, the Therapist returns and tosses a throw blanket over two naked forms.

[AK] Hmmm?

[Therapist] Do you two have any brainpower left to talk a bit? Holding a video tape in her hand.

FM beams a stupid grin somewhere in her direction.

[FM] Hey, Doc.

[AK] Hmmm?

[FM] Uh...sure...

[AK] Anything... I promise.

FM kisses the top of AK's head.

[FM] Anything?

[AK] Oh, God, yeah.

[Therapist] I'd like to present your case to a panel discussion I've been invited to lecture at. What do you think? Hmmm?

FM eyes the video.

[FM] That's not going to be part of it, is it?

[AK] Umm. Are you gonna tell them that I beat that guy up? Fox is in the FBI, for heaven's sakes.

[Therapist] You're worried about this?

Therapist looks innocent.

[Therapist] Nooo, this is for my own personal enjoyment.

[AK] Jeez, Doc, that was only a quickie. We can do better than that.

[Therapist] It'll be a blind review...no names, no faces.

[FM] Much better. Well...I guess if it's anonymous.

[AK] What do you think, baby?

[FM] I'm okay with it if you're okay with it.

[Therapist] I'll look forward to it.

[AK] Doesn't worry me for me... Just for you.

[FM] I'll be okay as long as no one knows it's me.

[AK] Well, okay then, sure.

[Therapist] I'll even let you pick your own substitute names.

[AK] Oh, I think I'll be Gervaise... That's a cool name.

[AK] Or maybe Alvin.

[FM] That is cool. I was going to say she could call me Dick, but now I'm not so sure.

Therapist shakes her head, smiling.

[FM] Hey, I can be Theodore.

[AK] Oh, baby, you're all dick.

[AK] You betcha, and no Simon in sight!

[FM] As it should be.

[AK] God, I love you, Fox.

[Therapist] The two of you want to get dressed now, or are you planning on staying to scare the poor cleaning lady.

[FM] I love you, babe.

AK grumbles as he climbs out of FM's embrace.

[FM] Um, getting dressed would be good, I guess.

Therapist watches shamelessly.

[AK] Well, It's been a pleasure.

[FM] It certainly has. You okay, Doc?

[Therapist] Just thinking about the invitation you extended to me, Fox.

FM clears his throat.

[AK] Fox? You invited the Doc?

[FM] quietly yeah.

[AK] Oh?

Therapist steps up and kisses FM.

There is a whole bunch of deep kissing going on at this point. AK is an interested spectator until the Therapist reaches behind to grab AK.

[AK] Hey, my turn.

Therapist turns in towards AK's face and kisses him the same way.

[FM] Jesus, babe....you look really hot doing that? Go figure.

[AK] You're pretty fucking hot yourself.

[AK] Alex does his lady killing act.

AK releases the Doc, and deposits her on her feet.

[AK] Well, a guy has to get practice somehow.

Therapist smoothes her suit.

[Therapist] Now about that invitation...?

[FM] You're not doing anything after our session, are you?

[Therapist] That depends...

[FM] On?

[Therapist] How much stamina you boys have...

FM looks at AK.

[AK] You up for it?

[AK] Hey... You gonna tell me about this invitation?

[Therapist] I can wait till you're better rested, if you like.

[FM] Oh, well, I um, sort of broached the subject of a threesome during my session with her.

[AK] Oh, cool. When? Tonight?

[FM] I'm feeling rested already. You?

[AK] Heh... I guess I can start slow. Three times in half an hour might be pushing it.

Closing Statement

"In review, the subjects have been unable to avoid or resolve conflict because of various trust issues...not to mention the fact that, with the positive re-enforcement of heightened sexual activity; they just plain didn't want to.

"Let's face it...if you were given the opportunity to fuck every time you and your significant other had a fight, no one would ever leave the house. But the fact of the matter is that kind of relationship is volatile at best, and would eventually self-destruct, taking the two of them along for the ride. That isn't what they had set for their long term goals, and eventually, despite the way they to this day continue to resist my direction, decided to go about working for the betterment of their future together

"The subjects are well on their way to establishing clear and non-confrontational lines of communication. Each is learning techniques that will enable him to unlearn unhealthy patterns of behavior that have taken years of abuse to create. They are engaged in a dialectical behavior modification program, outside my practice, that is not only teaching them how to talk to each other without using each other's anger triggers. They are also learning to use listening skills that seem to have the effect of reducing the number of unnecessary conflicts in day to day life. And they continue treatment with me, focused on the resolution of issues past on an individual level, and issues present as a couple.

"I hope that you have found this study as enlightening as I have. If you have any questions, my card has been included in the hand outs you received at the beginning of the lecture... please feel free to contact my office."

She began to put her materials back into her briefcase and prepared to leave. As she headed toward the stairs, a solitary voice from the rear of the auditorium rang out.

"Hey, Doc... What did *you* learn from these two?"

The smile on her face shown brightly, and the soft chuckling for the back did nothing to dim the amusement she radiated. "In my opinion, the moral to this story is simply...Love conquers all." And with a purposeful stride she proceeded down the stairs and toward the source of her glee.

The assemblage began to disperse as she made her way through the shaking hands and pats on the back of congratulations. When she arrived at the last row, she slowly surveyed the two dark figures splayed comfortably across several chairs and licked her lips in deliberate invitation. "I suppose you think that was cute."

The two of them giggled like a couple of high schoolers talking in class. The mischief that played across each face in turn was contagious as she began to snicker against her will.

"Hey, Doc" Fox said, matter-of-factly,, "it was a valid question."

"And what did you think of my answer?" she asked sarcastically.

With all the mirth gone from his face in an instant, Alex stood slowly, sliding the length of his body against hers, and placing his hand at her waist. Breathing against her cheek, into her ear he whispered, "I think there are still a few more things we can teach you." And then allowed his tongue to trail the line of her jaw to the fullness of her mouth. She waited for a kiss that never came until she felt him speaking, mouthing words against her lips. "Things like how to be a tease." He licked the outline of her lips once and pulled away, leaving her cold and waiting, to sit back down in Fox's lap with a grin.

Fox wrapped his arms protectively around his love, and Alex curled into as small a ball as possible, burying his face in the crook of his guardian's neck. "Ooh, Alex...I have a feeling she's gonna make you pay for that one."

"Kinda looking forward to it actually," he challenged as he began to nuzzle and nip at the sensitive skin of Fox's throat. Giggles, heard not seen, sounded. "Think she'll put that leather outfit on again? I liked that one."

The End

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