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The party at The Pits was hopping. Huggy pulled out all the stops to celebrate Hutch's guilty verdict being overturned. A band, all the lobster and steak you could eat and the champagne was flowing. At least one hundred people were there, including two very pretty stewardesses, Kathy and Tina. Everyone was having a wonderful time. Except for Hutch. Starsky was worried; his partner seemed a million miles away and very sullen. Starsky thought that all the attention might have been too much for him so he suggested that they slip away with Kathy and Tina for a private party at Hutch's place. And of course when the time was right, Starsky and Kathy would leave. Hutch wasn't interested. Actually nervous was more like it. He was afraid to be alone with Tina. She had made it very clear that she was interested in a private party with the blond. But he resisted. Starsky wanted to know why.

"Hutch, what's the matter? You don't look like you're having a good time."

"I am, really. Just tired. It has been a long day. I think I'm gonna go home soon."

"What about Tina?"

"What about her?"

"Well pal, I think she thinks she's going home with you."

"No, I told her another time, that I was really beat. I hope she understood."

"She might, but I don't."

"Starsk, I'm just not ready. It has been five and half months since I made love to a woman. And…" His voice trailed off.

"Exactly, I would think you'd be very ready."

"Yeah. I guess you would." Hutch sighed.

Starsky looked at Hutch and saw the pain in his eyes, the pain and the fear. He realized the ordeal was not behind him. The ordeal that Lloyd Barry put him through was still haunting him.

"Well, I'll just tell Kathy we'll have to make it another time too and we can hang out and talk."

"No Starsk, please don't ditch Kathy on my account. Believe me, I am going right to bed. I won't be any company and I'm not in the mood to talk."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Kathy and Tina came over to the table. Hutch told Tina that he was really tired, but he wanted to see her the next time she came into town. She agreed as long as he danced with her one last time before he left. He agreed and they danced a couple of dances, one fast, one slow.

Starsky and Kathy dropped Hutch off at his apartment. Hutch was exhausted. He was asleep as soon as he hit the bed, his bed. How wonderful it was to be home again. He never got a good night's sleep in prison. He would always have a nightmare about Lloyd Barry raping him. He thought that when he got to sleep in his own bed that would all change. He was wrong.

Hutch arrived at the station the next morning. He was assigned to desk duty as he had requested. Starsky was also assigned desk duty because there was no way he was going out onto the streets without Hutch. Five and a half months were enough. Starsky would wait for his partner. Dobey wasn't thrilled about his best detectives being on desk duty; but he understood and Hutch said it would only be for a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks stretched into a month. Starsky and Dobey were very concerned.

Hutch had been seeing a counselor, Dr. Margaret Reynolds. He had seen one in prison and had continued when he was released. The counseling was helping. It helped Hutch deal with the typical feelings that rape victims deal with, number one being "Why me?" The counselor reminded him of what he already knew but needed to hear again, that rape is not about sex. It is a violent act. He was a victim and he should never blame himself for what happened. Lloyd Barry chose him because of his strength. Barry felt powerful being able to dominate a person as strong as him. They also discussed Hutch's fear of being with a woman. Dr. Reynolds explained that was a normal reaction to the rape, but the only way to get passed it was to make love to a woman. She told him how surprised he'd be, by how easy it would be once he got started. Hutch joked that he had a few women in mind. Dr. Reynolds said that was good, but joked that maybe he should sleep with them one at a time? But obviously there was more. There was something Hutch had to tell Starsky. The counselor knew it was time for Starsky to come to a session.

Starsky was very cautious about bringing up the subject of what happened to Hutch in prison. Hutch didn't like to talk about it. He would often become very agitated at the mere mention of Lloyd Barry's name. So Starsky wouldn't press it. But he thought that maybe it was time to press. Hutch was obviously hurting and they would never be ever to put this behind them unless they talked it out. Starsky was glad to go to a counseling session with his partner.

Dr. Margaret Reynolds was an attractive fifty-two year old psychologist.

"Hello Starsky, I am glad to meet you. My name is Dr. Reynolds. Now Hutch has told me that you and he are very close. Now I know you want to help him, the best way you can do that is to listen to him."

"Sure doc. I'm here to listen. But I can talk too?"

"Of course, but after Hutch is done talking, okay?"

"Sure."

"Starsk, I am quitting the police force."

Starsky's promise of silence lasted two seconds.

"What?! Hutch you can't be serious. Why? Hutch, don't do this. Don't let Barry win."

Dr. Reynolds tried to get Starsky to be quiet and let Hutch speak, but Hutch told her it was okay. He knew that he and Starsky needed to get this out in the open.

"Barry is only part of the reason."

"Part of the reason? He is the whole reason and you know it. I understand he put you through hell. But you got to put it behind you. I'm here, I'll help you. Just talk to me."

"Talk to you. How can I when you cannot even say what he did to me?"

"What are you talking about? I know what he did to you, he victimized you, he beat you, he assaulted you."

"No Starsky, he raped me. Say it! You can't, you cannot because it makes you sick."

"Of course it does. I can't bear to think about what he did to you, but fine you need me to say it, I will, he…raped you." Starsky choked on the words.

"No Starsky, it's no good. I can't be your partner anymore. You have to be able to trust me and I know you can't anymore."

Starsky's head was about to explode, "What are you talking about? I trust you completely, with my life, remember me and thee. That hasn't changed. Why would you think it had?"

"John Blaine."

"Huh, what does Blaine have to do with any of this?"

"Remember when you found out that Blaine was gay. It really devastated you Starsk. You had a very hard time dealing with his homosexuality, actually you have trouble dealing with homosexuality period."

"I still don't see what this has to do with you and me being partners. And as for gays, I don't hate them; I just don't understand their lifestyle. It's not for me that's for sure."

"Right. I was raped by a man, sodomized."

"Hutch, rape is not about sex, you know that. It is a violent crime about control. What happened to you has nothing to do with sex."

"Starsk you never asked me how I was able to stab Barry and take that guard hostage."

"I just figured you overpowered him?"

"You saw the shape I was in, and you knew he had put me in shackles, so how did you think I overpowered him exactly?"

"I don't know. Hutch I never gave it any thought. I just was glad that you were able to end the nightmare. I was just glad you were alive. You could've died."

"Do you want to know?"

"Sure tell me. Whatever it takes for you to get through this."

"Well after two nights of beatings I realized that fighting was useless. So on the third night, well I didn't fight. I let him. I let him touch me and kiss me and fondle me and rape me." Hutch broke down. "I even, oh God Starsk, he wanted oral sex and well I tried... Am I still a man to you? You still think you can trust me?" There he had said it, it was out there. Now Hutch believed he could move on especially once he heard what Starsky had to say in response. Deep down he knew what he would say, he just needed to hear it.

"Hutch, buddy, you were fighting for your life. I would never question anything you would do to save your life. You had no choice. If you fought him, he would've killed you. It was a violent crime that he committed against you. It had nothing to do with sex. You were in a battle for your life and thank God you won. It is the same as if you were fighting some punk in an alley. Please Hutch, you are my hero. I have seen you come back from horrors that would've killed lesser men. You have saved my life on more than one occasion. Yes, you are the White Knight. You are strong and brave man. I don't want any other partner. If you quit, well then pal, I quit."

"I though what Forrest did to me was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I was wrong. This was the worst. I don't think I can ever get back what Barry took from me."

"Yes you can, cause he didn't take anything. You are the same man you were before this ordeal. You just have to trust yourself, the way I trust you."

Starsky looked over at Dr. Reynolds. The look on her face told him that they were almost home. Starsky saw a mirror on the wall and he knew how he could bring Hutch all the way. He brought Hutch over to the mirror.

"Look. Do you see who I see? Well I'll tell you who I see. I see my partner of almost seven years. My best friend. The man I trust with my very life, Kenneth Hutchinson."

Hutch pulled away from Starsky. He sat on the couch and cried and cried and cried. Starsky pulled Hutch into him. Hutch didn't try to pull away now. Starsky wrapped his arms around him. "Let it all out boy. Let it all out. I am right here and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to let you quit, no way. Not as long as I am alive are you going to quit. Together, is how we will beat this. You will make it all the way back. Trust me. Trust yourself."

Hutch returned to active duty. He got a baptism by fire.

"All units, all units in the vicinity of 12^th and Broad Avenue, silent alarm at John's Jewelers."

Hutch picked up the receiver, "Control this is Zebra Three, we are responding."

"Hutch is that you?"

"Yes, Mildred."

"Oh Hutch it is so great to hear your voice, it has been too long."

"Thanks Mildred." Hutch hung up the receiver.

The detectives entered the store. They found the owner dead behind the counter, shot in the head. They headed to the back door of the store and saw the perpetrators heading down the alley. They pursued them. There was an exchange of gunfire. The duo was pinned down behind a dumpster. They both knew they had to make a move or the perps would get away. Without hesitation Starsky told Hutch to cover him and he headed down the alley. Hutch covered him. Then like they had done hundreds of times before, Hutch moved up and Starsky covered him. The partners had the robbers in custody in minutes.

Two patrolmen arrived on the scene. "We thought you guys might need help, but I guess we should've known you'd have it under control. The dynamic duo is back. And by the way, we're really glad. Welcome back Hutch."

"Thanks Johnson." Hutch said smiling.

The rest of the day it was cops and robbers. The cops won every time.

Hutch's first week back was rough, but he made it. The White Knight's armor was still shining. It was Friday night and Kathy and Tina were in town for the weekend. The boys took them out for dinner and dancing. As the evening drew to a close, Hutch and Tina bid their adieus, they were going back to his place. It was "Do Not Disturb" until Monday.

End