This was written for custardpringle for While We Tell of Yuletide Treasure's 2008 rare fandom all-request challenge.

Hardest yuletide yet, but don't I say that every year? I was going to try to do five things, and could only come up with three. Aie.

Research thanks to Laura JV and beta thanks to Dira Sudis and Ellen Fremedon.

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If, If Not, If Only