1. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Yes. Do you mind?"
"Not at all. Sorry. Should have knocked."
[the end.]
2. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Should I be?"
"Well, it'll be several days before you'll have
another opportunity for any sexual release at all."
"Ah. I see. Better get to it, then."
[the end.]
3. "Are you
masturbating?"
"No. I have this ink stain on my trousers." Obi-
Wan showed him the ink stain.
"Ah."
[the end.]
4. "Are you
masturbating?"
Qui-Gon glared and shook his head.
"Not masturbating ... what else could that
be?
Um ... scattering grain?"
Qui-Gon beamed. "Right!"
Obi-Wan laughed out loud. "Master, have you ever
actually scattered grain before domesticated fowl?"
"Well ... no."
"I thought not. I have -- Agricorps, you know. You
need more snap in the wrist, and spread it out in a
wide arc. Otherwise the birds will kill each other
trying to get it."
[the end.]
5. "Are you
masturbating?"
Obi-Wan's eyes rolled up to focus on him. "Was
that ... meant ... to be ... a rhetorical question?"
[the end.]
6. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Well, if you'd hurry up and come to bed, I wouldn't
need to, would I?"
[the end.]
7. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you. I know you're
exhausted."
"Don't be silly ..."
[the end.]
8. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."
"I'm
exhausted."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'll go into the other room, shall
I?"
[the end.]
9. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Why else do you think we all wear these cloaks?"
[the end.]
10. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Ssh ... best bit ..." Obi-Wan nodded toward the vid
screen, his hands being otherwise occupied.
Qui-Gon's jaw dropped. "Is that -- how are they
even --"
"Ah!"
[the end.]
11. "Are you
masturbating?"
"You won't let me date." Obi-Wan crossed his arms
and -- good grief, was he pouting? Qui-Gon wished
the boy could appreciate the irony.
"Well, then, we need to talk about your doing your
own laundry."
[the end.]
12. "Are you
masturbating?"
"I'm three times your age, Obi-Wan; I'm not
dead."
"How long until she comes back?"
Qui-Gon gritted his teeth and wished his padawan
had at least a modicum of shame. "Not bloody soon
enough," he said.
[the end.]
13. "Are you
masturbating?"
Obi-Wan bit the heel of his other hand to stifle the
involuntary noises he was making. When he had
his breathing under control, he crossed his fingers.
"No, Master," he called out.
[the end.]
14. "Are you
masturbating?"
Obi-Wan choked on his biscuit. "I beg your
pardon?"
"You're leading us on," Qui-Gon said impatiently.
"All of us. What sort of game are you padawans
playing, anyhow?"
"Oh -- oh, for Force's --
master baiting," Obi-
Wan gasped.
Qui-Gon looked cross. "That's what I said."
[the end.]
15. "Are you
masturbating?"
"You can do amazing things with the Force,
Padawan, if you concentrate."
Obi-Wan turned his face away to hide his grimace,
and focused his own Force energy on loosening the
ropes around his and his master's wrists and ankles.
[the end.]
16. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Don't know ... what's ... come over me ..."
"Well, stop it. These walls are as thin as
parchment."
[the end.]
17. "Are you
masturbating?"
"There's got to be some evidence of ... activity,
doesn't there," Obi-Wan said coldly. "I've no wish
to inconvenience you, but I've no wish to be
executed in the morning, either."
[the end.]
18. "Are you
masturbating?"
"No."
"Don't lie to me."
"I wasn't, I swear. I swear!"
His protests fell on deaf ears. He shut his eyes
before the first lash fell.
[the end.]
19. "Are you
masturbating?"
"No. Have a little patience, will you? I'll be out in
a minute."
[the end.]
20. "Are you
masturbating?"
"How'd you guess?" There was silence on the line
for a moment. "Are you?"
[the end.]
21. "Are you
masturbating?"
"No --"
"In your own room, I mean, when you're alone and -
-"
"No!" Obi-Wan was plainly horrified. "Why
would you --"
"All right, all right, I'm sorry I asked." Qui-Gon
puffed air through his cheeks. "It's just very
unusual for a boy your age to have no sex drive of
any kind, that's all."
[the end.]
22. "Are you
masturbating?"
"You tend to your affairs, and I'll tend to mine."
"But my affairs could be your affairs!" Obi-Wan
sobbed, leaning against the door. "I want you so
badly, and I know you want --"
"Silence!" Obi-Wan tried his best to keep silent.
When Qui-Gon spoke again, his voice was not as
harsh. "You know the Code, Padawan. We will not
speak of it again." Another pause. "I'm sorry."
[the end.]
23. "Are you
masturbating?"
"I was just scratching this itch on my leg --"
Obi-Wan snorted. "Right. Well, don't let me stop
you."
[the end.]
24. "Are you
masturbating?"
There was no response, but Qui-Gon hadn't been
dreaming; Obi-Wan was definitely moving against
him, though he was clearly still asleep.
"Obi-Wan ... Obi-Wan. Wake up. What are you
doing?"
Obi-Wan rocked his hips twice more before his eyes
flew open and his face crumpled in horror. "I'm so
sorry," he began.
Qui-Gon placed a finger over his lips. "Shh, no, it's
all right. You just surprised me, is all."
[the end.]
25. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Go away."
"But that's wonderful!" Obi-Wan took two steps
into the room, but stopped short when Qui-Gon
pinned him with a glare that could freeze lava.
"They didn't think you'd ever have sensation below
the waist, but --" Qui-Gon snarled. "All right. I'll
go."
[the end.]
26. "Are you
masturbating?"
"We have an
hour before we have to leave. I'll be
ready in plenty of time."
[the end.]
27. "Are you
masturbating?"
Suddenly, on the other side of the door, Qui-Gon
was very quiet. "Is your friend still with you?"
"No. Can I come in?"
"I'm sorry, Padawan; I've tried to ignore --"
"Master. Please." Obi-Wan pressed his palm flat to
the door. "Will you let me in?"
[the end.]
28. "Are you
masturbating?"
Qui-Gon turned to look at his padawan, and rolled
his eyes and sighed at the leer on the boy's face.
"You," he said, as Obi-Wan dissolved into giggles,
"are not permitted to touch Correllian brandy again
while we are sharing quarters. Is that clear?"
[the end.]
29. "Are you
masturbating?"
"That's what he said. I think we can safely assume
something got lost in translation somewhere."
[the end.]
30. "Are you
masturbating?"
"Yes, of course I -- what?"
"Hah. Thought so. Pay attention, please. This is
important."
[the end.]
31. "Are you
masturbating?" There was no
explicit answer, but Qui-Gon could hear heavy
breathing and the sound of skin sliding against skin.
Sounded like it could be two people's heavy
breathing, actually.
"Or do you have someone in there with you?"
Still no answer.
"Well, be sure to clean up when you're through," he
said.
[the end.]
Comments always
welcome!