by heidi
 

Blair lay in bed riding on an emotional roller coaster ride, while listening to Jim in the. One minute he would be happy, excited by everything that had happened the night before, and looking forward to the new day, the next minute he would be scared, worried by how things had ended, and terrified to face the new day.

Last night had been more than he ever planned, but had not ended how he hoped. Still, he had been left with some encouragement.

It had all started several months ago when Blair realized that he had been falling in love with his partner. He had tried to avoid his emotions by throwing himself at every woman he encountered. When he realized that this was only making things worse, he backed away from the dating game.

The more he thought about Jim, the more he wanted to spend his time with him. That wasn't hard, because they practically did everything together as it was, except dating. And Blair wanted that also.

He didn't know how he was going to do it, but he was determined. He would take Jim Ellison out on a date, and show the man how much he loved him. He just needed to find a way of doing it without the detective knowing what he was doing.

Then Steven called with the tickets.

Originally, Blair really had planned on taking Anna Marie to the concert, but that was when he thought it was going to be one of the regular performances. When he saw that the tickets were for the 50th Anniversary concert, he quickly changed his plans. If everything worked out right, he would be getting his date with Jim.

The two weeks leading to the performance had been busy. The first thing Blair did was talk to Anna Marie. Fortunately, she already had plans to attend the concert as her father's date, so she wouldn't be upset if he didn't take her. She also already knew that he was in love with Jim. When he told her of his plans, she was more than willing to help him out, and support his story.

Steve had told Blair about his reservations to Chez Phillipe and asked if Blair would like to have them. Blair jumped at the opportunity. He asked what price range he was looking at, and managed not to fall when Steve told him. //Okay, Jim's worth it. I'll just put off buying the books I've been saving for, and pray that the car doesn't have another fit.//

Blair spent a lot of his spare time on the net researching wines. He knew there was a lot to what was considered important about wine, but he was only concerned about finding a wine that would excite Jim's senses. Finally, he found five that he felt would be excellent, and one in particular. He then researched for meals that would compliment each wine, to further enhance the experience.

With these concerns taken care of, he proceeded to find the necessary things to make himself more appealing to Jim. He found a cummerbund that matched his eyes perfectly. He had considered hair ties, but nixed that decision. There was only so much a man could do with a tux, and he felt he had done it.

Next, Blair shopped for soap and shampoo that were unscented. He wanted Jim to smell him and experience him unadulterated.

He had everything set, now if Jim's job would only cooperate. For the pervious 3 days and nights, Jim had been on stakeout, coming home only long enough to shower and change, and things were not getting better. So when Jim walked in yesterday, Blair had already given up all hope. But Jim had made his bust, and was home for the day. Blair had to use all of his ability not to jump up and down, to maintain his act.

It worked, because Jim gave him the perfect opening, and Blair set his trap. They were going on a date.

Dinner was perfect. Blair looked at the menu and found the meal that matched the wine of choice. When he ordered the wine, he was thrilled with Jim's reaction. The fact that the wine steward was impressed only enhanced his own experience. When it was served, he watched Jim as he tried the wine. By his reaction, he knew he ordered the right wine. The meal itself was such a nice compliment.

And the conversation was wonderful. It was all so relaxed and natural.

When they arrived at Symphony Hall, he was thrilled with the seats. They were even better than he imagined. They were out in public, but they were alone at the same time. It took all his control not to ravish his date right there and then.

As the concert began, Blair watched Jim closely. The first piece was perfect for introducing a Sentinel to symphonic music. Jim was entranced, practically zoning on the music, but every time he came close, a new instrument was introduced, shifting Jim's attention. When the music concluded, Jim turned to him in his enthusiasm, catching his gaze. But Jim said nothing.

When intermission arrived, Jim bought them each a wine. They then encountered Senator Neal. To Blair's surprise, Jim actually introduced him. He was afraid that Jim had heard his heart rate increase from his excitement, but then he realized Jim had other things on his mind.

Things were going fine, and Blair was in heaven. His dream date was everything he had hoped. Then the two women began to approach. He was not going to allow anyone to ruin his night, so he moved possessively next to Jim. The women understood, but so did Jim. Once they were back in their box, and seated, Jim confronted him about it.

//Oh God, Jim knew.// Blair sat the entire next piece terrified. What would Jim do? Had he ruined everything? What should he do now?

Then Jim reached over and took his hand, smiling at him. What was Jim trying to tell him? Was he tolerating him, accepting him, or even loving him?

When the concert ended, and they were in the truck. Jim wanted him to sit next to him. //Oh God, could Jim actually love me?// And then Jim wanted to drive around the mountains to continue the evening.

But when they got back to the loft, Jim changed gears and announced he was going to bed, that he had to go to work today. //What was with that? Was it a game? Did Jim change his mind?//

Then Jim kissed him. It was a sweet kiss. A chaste kiss. A first kiss.

He then turned, and went upstairs, leaving Blair alone, and confused.

Now it was the next day, and Blair's emotions were still confused. He repeated the evening's occurrences again, still not knowing what to think.

There was a soft knock at the door. "Blair, I was fixing myself some breakfast. Do you want to get up and join me? I'ld enjoy the company."

//This was encouraging.// "Yeah Jim, I'll be right out. Just give me a minute."

Blair quickly pulled himself together, put on a pair of sweats and headed out. Jim knew how Blair felt about him. The ball was now in his court.

He wouldn't do or say anything. He was not going to push Jim. He just hoped Jim didn't want him to leave.

When he emerged from his room, he was greeted with a smile. "Morning Chief. How did you sleep?"

Blair shrugged. "Fine. And you?"

"Can't complain. Had a lot to think about. You know." Blair nodded. "But over all, I slept well."

Blair sat down as Jim placed a plate in front of him.

"I was thinking, if you came in with me today, I would get the work done quicker, and maybe I could take you out to dinner."

Blair perked up a little. He was about to ask if it would be a date, but decided that this would be pushing things. "Sounds great. Just give me 30 minutes."

"Sure, no problem, take your time."

Blair felt encouraged. Jim seemed to want him around.

When he emerged from the bathroom, he found Jim on the phone.

"Sure Simon. Blair and I will be in the office in about . . ." He looked to Blair "30 minutes?" Blair nodded. "Yeah, sure Simon, but we need to stop at the cleaners to drop our tuxes off. Hopefully they can put a rush on them." Blair looked at him curiously. "Yeah, both our tuxes. The poor kid was stood up last night, so he wined, dined and wooed me instead." Blair began to turn red. "Trust me Simon, you haven't been on a date until you've gone out with Blair Sandburg." Jim winked at Blair. "The girl definitely missed out on one hell of an evening, but her loss was my gain." Jim was teasing him, but he was not insulting. He actually seemed genuine in his praise. Blair smiled and went to get dressed. "Yeah Simon. We won't be long."

When Blair exited his room, Jim had his jacket on, and was holding his tux, along with Blair's jacket. "Grab you tux chief. Seems we have ourselves another black tie date tonight, paid for by the city."

Blair grabbed his tux and then followed Jim out the door. "What's up?"

"We get to attend a wedding at the governor's mansion tonight. We'll find out more once we get to the station. By the way, wear the black cummerbund tonight. You attract too many women as it is. I don't want to have to fight off more than is necessary."

Blair's head jerked up. Did he understand Jim right. They were still in the hall, and Jim was chuckling at his reaction. Blair could also tell Jim was listening to the surroundings. "What is it Jim?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." Jim then leaned down and placed a kiss on Blair's lips. Blair didn't care that it was another chaste kiss. Jim was opening himself up to Blair, and Blair felt as if he were soaring in the clouds.

When he returned to earth, he realized that Jim was heading to the truck. "Anytime Chief, we don't have all day." Blair touched his lips, then followed.

When they arrived at the station, they headed straight to Simon's office, where several people were already waiting, including Ryf and Brown. They were all being briefed by the Governor's Chief of Security, Tom Anderson.

It seemed that the Governor had been receiving some threats lately, all apparently coming from the same person. None amounted to anything, but the latest was a threat to ruin the wedding of the Governor's daughter.

Anderson had intercepted the threat before it was able to reach the Governor, and he wanted to keep it that way. "This is a special day for the Governor, and I'm not about to let some nutcase interfere with it." To ensure this, he was bringing in the Major Crimes division.

"The Governor trusts you, as do I. I'm just asking you 5 to come tonight and help out, keeping your eyes and ears open. You will be guests. I just want the extra observations. I don't expect anything to come from the threat, but sure as I don't take it seriously, the threat will be real. It would be a real favor to me."

Each of the officers, and Blair, agreed to help.

The rest of the morning was spent finishing off the paperwork from the Martin case. They picked up their tuxes and went home to prepare for the evening.

The wedding was a nice affair, and as Anderson predicted, uneventful. Blair had watched over Jim as he listened, looked, and smelled everything, while Blair fended off the small gathering of women. Once he even caught Jim actually glaring at the women. Blair made a point of Jim either hearing or seeing him turning down every proposition.

When they got home, they both changed into sweats, and met in the kitchen.

"I thought we could make some popcorn and watch that art show with the nun that's on PBS."

Blair stood there stunned. "Oh man, I forgot all about that."

"Don't worry. I saw you watching it last week and that you recorded it. I found the tape and set it up this afternoon. But, this means we watch football tomorrow."

Blair grinned. "I knew there had to be a catch."

After they moved to the sofa, Jim sat with his elbows on his knees, looking at his hands. "Blair, we have to talk." Blair tensed. "Don't worry Chief. I'm pretty sure that what I'm going to say is nothing like what you think I'm going to say."

"Oh boy, where to begin. When I was in college, someone had seen one of the guys on the team out on a date with another guy, and the homophobic tendencies of men reared its ugly head. The guy was ostracized, and some of the other guys wanted him off the team. Initially, I was among them, a fact I'm not exactly proud of. I realized that this was my father in me coming out. I started to think, wondering actually, what was it about this situation that was bothering me. Was I worried about the guy making a pass at me? He never gave any indication that he would - so that couldn't be it. I also realized that even if he did, it was no big deal. It meant he found me attractive, or that he liked me. Both were compliments, and to treat the action as if it had come from a female. This reiterated that it wasn't a problem."

"Did I not like the guy? He was a real nice guy. Someone I would be proud to call a friend. So that wasn't it."

"So what was the problem? What was bothering me about the situation? It wasn't him, but the perception others had of him. All these guys had liked him until this one detail was discovered."

"From that point on, my view was that it didn't matter who anybody loved, what mattered was that they found somebody to love."

"Pretty progressive thought, don't you think?" Blair nodded, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "The only place I went wrong in this line of thought was that I never included myself in this scenario. I've always loved women. Men had never been a consideration." Blair was hearing the echoes of the other shoe. "I've never been particularly attracted to men, as far as I know, at least. During college, the whole idea was still new to me. Once in the army, it was never a possibility. The military maybe a little more accepting now, but 10-15 years ago, it was considered conduct unbecoming an officer, and grounds for discharge. Once I was out of the army, I met Carolyn. I did fall in love, just not enough."

"But now there's you. I've done a lot of thinking since last night, and I realized that I must have been attracted to you since we first met, but just unaware of it." Jim then looked up at Blair, this time maintaining eye contact. "I realized that my habit of dating a female only once started after meeting you, and even they have become fewer and further apart."

Blair realized that he had been holding his breath, but he knew Jim wasn't finished.

"I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is . . . I do have feelings for you, I'm attracted to you, I want you, but I don't know what to do." Blair finally breathed. "Just give me time Chief. Time to work through my emotions, and time to come to terms with how I feel. Okay?"

"Yeah . . . sure Jim. I'll just let you take the lead, if you like."

"For now, yeah. That would be most comfortable for me."

Jim sat back, getting comfortable, Blair remained in the corner of the sofa, unsure what he should do.

Jim gave Blair a wicked grin. "I think snuggling is fine, if you care to join me."

Blair didn't give Jim the chance to change his mind, quickly placing himself in Jim's arms. The two snuggled on the sofa until both fell asleep.

More to come . . .

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