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Home is the Hunter
by Lianne Burwell
October 1999
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God, I really don't want to be doing this, but I don't have much choice, 
do I?

You know, sometimes I think I'm a complete and total dunce. I mean, look 
at how long it took me to figure out myself, let alone anyone else.

Gar Logan, you are in love with your best friend. And you have been for 
years.

And now it's too late to try to do anything about it.

Shit.

I know, I know. I was in love with Jillian, so how could I also be in 
love with someone else? Beats me. It's just the way things worked out. I 
was in love with Tara too. I think. Or maybe I was just in denial. Who 
knows. Because the same time I thought I was in love with them, I was in 
love with someone else.

You know, I almost became a member of the original Teen Titans. Would 
have too if it weren't for Galtry. He was my guardian at the time. A 
real shit. All he cared about was the money my parents had left me. 
Eventually, I managed to get free of him and found myself some new 
parents. Steve Dayton and Rita Farr of the Doom Patrol. It was with them 
that I first put on tights and called myself a silly name. Beast Boy.

Yeah, Beast Boy. Corny, but to the point. I could change my shape into 
any animal, Earth-based or alien. Okay, they were all green. That was 
okay. I'd been green since I got those powers, a side-effect of the 
technique my birth parents used to save my life when I was a toddler 
suffering from a fatal disease. I don't really remember ever *being* any 
other color. It got me teased, but my real friends didn't care. Not that 
I had many.

All right everyone, a chorus of 'It's not easy being green!'

*Sigh* Sorry.

Anyway, then I lost my second family. The Doom Patrol was killed, 
sacrificing themselves for a small group of complete strangers. Not 
entirely, I later found out, but close enough. I was on my own again.

I went through some pretty rough times after that. Worked Hollywood for a 
while. That fell through quickly, though. It was during that time that 
my childhood friend Jillian found me again and dragged me out of the 
dumpster my life had become and got me back on the right track. Life was 
good.

Until Galtry came back. He wanted money and he wanted it now, and Jillian 
was the path he'd chosen to get it. Well, that and my dead body. Still, I 
managed to stop him and rescue Jillian. But her parents decided to 
protect her from me and anyone after me by sending her off to boarding 
school in England.

I was alone again.

But I wasn't going to fall back into the same pit again. I put on the 
tights again, calling myself Changeling, and got back into the super-hero 
business. That was when Raven found me and brought me into the New -- and 
greatly improved -- Teen Titans. God, hard to believe that we *were* 
still teenagers then.

I know, I know. I'm still a teenager. But only for another seven months.

And that was when I met Vic Stone. Cyborg. Half man and half machine with 
this massive chip on his shoulder. In a way, he reminded me of me. The 
old me, that is. Maybe that was why I latched onto him so fast. I'd gone 
through hell before coming to terms with who and what I was, maybe I 
could help him do the same faster and less painfully.

Maybe. Don't know how well I succeeded.

Still, I did my best. I encouraged him to get out in the world. When he 
met Sarah, I encouraged him to that too. A girlfriend. A class full of 
kids with prosthetics that looked up to him, not down on him. It was so 
damned good to see him smile. Okay, so I was a little jealous of the time 
he spent with them, but that's life. He was my best friend.

I was there for him when it fell apart too. When Sarah went back to her 
old jerk of a boyfriend, leaving Vic high and dry. I was there for him. 
When Marcy died I was there for him. Just like he was there for me when 
Tara died. When she showed her true colors and betrayed us to Terminator 
and the Hive. I went a little crazy, then. It still hurts, to be honest. 
And yet, through it all, he stood by.

God, I love him. There, I said. Gar Logan, girl-chaser supreme, loves Vic 
Stone. More importantly, I'm *in* love with him. Of course, I refused to 
admit it to myself at the time.

Still, it was me and Vic against the world. We took on the bad guys and 
we always won. We took on *life* and we won more often than not.
Until...

Until Joey went bad. Until Joey locked Vic in a rocket and sent it up to 
detonate. When that happened, it was like I died all over again. That was 
when I stopped fooling myself. That was when I admitted to myself that I 
loved Vic. And it was too late. He was gone.

Even when we found out that he wasn't really dead, he was still gone. The 
rocket had crashed in Russia, and the Soviet scientists had tried to 
repair him. They didn't do a very good job. He was almost completely 
mechanical and his mind was gone, locked so far down that even a telepath 
would have trouble finding him.

But he did finally wake up. Only to bond with some alien machine race, 
the Technis. Before I knew it, he was gone again. Before I could say 
anything. Before I could tell him...

Maybe that was why I was such easy prey for Raven when she went loony-
tunes.

You know, I don't remember much of that time. Just hazy images. Kinda 
like trying to remember a dream. Or maybe a nightmare would be a better 
description. One that went on and on and...

Until one day I woke, free of her seed of evil, and Vic was back. But he 
wasn't Vic anymore. He was Cyberion. He was... alien.

But I hoped that the Vic I remembered was still in there. I'd lost so 
many chances in the past that when he asked me to come with him, I said 
yes. Okay, he was practically a planet now, but I could still be with 
him.

Then again, maybe not. The little bit of Cyberion that was Vic is fading 
daily. He's becoming more and more a computer. God, it's ripping me 
apart. I want something I can't have. Something that doesn't exist 
anymore.

So I have to make a choice. I can stay with the one person I love more 
than anything else in the universe, a person who is dying bit by bit in 
front of me every day, a person I can't reach, can't touch.

Or I can leave and go back to Earth to mourn, then get on with my life.

Maybe there's still something of Vic here. Something that could be saved, 
brought back. I don't know. All I know is that I'm not strong enough to 
do it. I wish I was, but I'm not.

I love you Vic, but I have to go. I can't stay anymore.

Good-bye.

Gar

* * * * *

Vic stared at the screen for a while. He wasn't sure how long. He'd been 
going through some of the old files he'd downloaded into the Titan's 
Tower CPU back during his near-disastrous return to Earth and had come 
across this message from Gar. According to the file, he'd never accessed 
it after Gar had left to go back to Earth. He wasn't sure why. His 
memories of that time were a little fuzzy themselves.

Gar was in love with him.

God.

What did he do?

He'd been wondering for a while now why Gar seemed to have been avoiding 
him since his return. Sure, they talked all the time on the phone, but 
they rarely were in the same room together, and they never seemed to talk 
about the *important* stuff. Had Gar changed his mind? Or had he 
chickened out again?

And how did *he* feel about it?

Vic turned and stared at himself in the mirror. Gold metal, nothing left 
of the human named Vic Stone. Kind of like the terminator thing in that 
movie Roy had forced him to watch. All that was left of the man he'd been 
was the mind, the memories.

But he *felt* so much more than he ever had in the past. Since the day 
he'd woke up in the hospital, no longer completely human, he'd been 
locked away from the world behind metal bars. The metal bars that had 
become his limbs. He could pick things up, even with great delicacy, but 
he couldn't *touch* them. He couldn't *feel* them. Out of it all, that 
had been the worst thing.

This new form was different. The Omegadrome that had formed it was 
mutable metal, filled with sensors. When he touched something now, he 
could actually feel it. Pressure, warmth, even pain. In a way, he was 
closer to human than he'd been when he first became Cyborg. He could 
even...

He looked down and watched as his form shifted, genitals forming where 
there'd been none. He'd done some experimenting, in the privacy of his 
own bedroom, and he could feel arousal, even orgasm. Okay, it wasn't 
exactly the same as a human orgasm, but still...

But he hadn't really considered trying it with someone else. Would 
they...  Would he... He shook his head. Things were so complicated.
But Gar *had* wanted him. And, if he were honest with himself, he'd 
wanted Gar. The first man he'd wanted since Ron's death, all those years 
ago. Gar had been the first person ever to look at him and see a man, not 
a freak of science. Gar had been his teammate, his friend, his brother. 
He could even remember feeling pain when Gar had left him. Technis. 
Whatever.

But Gar was so *young*.

Vic shook his head, laughing quietly at himself. Gar was nineteen now. 
Not a boy anymore. Hell, considering the life he'd led, he hadn't been a 
*child* since before he'd reached the age ten. His life had been so much 
more difficult that Vic's had ever been. His own home life hadn't been 
the greatest, but at least it had been stable. Even when his father 
pushed and pushed him, trying to turn him into a junior science genius, 
he'd always had their love.

Love.

All right, he had to admit it. He was in love with Gar and had been for a 
long time. Maybe not the way Gar wanted, but he'd never allowed himself 
to think of him that way. He was a kid, and that wasn't appropriate. But 
Gar wasn't a kid anymore. So now what?

Now... He had to make a choice. He could try to forget what he'd read in 
Gar's farewell message, keep on the way he was, watching Gar draw further 
and further away.

Or he could take a chance.

* * * * *

Gar dropped another branch on the fire and sat back with a sigh. High 
above, the stars were winking at him, like a thousand eyes that knew a 
joke that he didn't. He smiled anyway. Maybe he didn't know the joke, but 
he could use the good humor.

He didn't usually go camping anymore, but when Vic had contacted him and 
suggested a trip to the Grand Canyon, he hadn't been able to refuse. He 
looked around, memories flashing through his mind. This was the same 
place the team had gone camping, not long after fighting Trigon and 
Deathstroke. It was here that they'd all exchanged their life stories. 
God, it felt like a lifetime ago.

"They were good times, weren't they?"

Gar jumped a little, startled at Vic's quiet approach. "Yeah, they were," 
he said as Vic dropped the pile of firewood he'd been off collecting. Vic 
dropped into a graceful lotus position, and for a moment, Gar let himself 
drink in the man's features, gleaming golden in the firelight. He might 
not be flesh and blood anymore, but Vic was still as beautiful as he 
remembered.

Gar stuck a hotdog on the end of a stick and held it out over the flames 
to cook. Other than the occasional glance at Vic, he concentrated on his 
hotdog, not wanting to burn it. He could still remember the laughter as 
he burnt hotdog after hotdog while telling his own story.

"So," he said, finally breaking the silence. "How's life at Titan Tower?"

"Pretty good," Vic said with a smile. "A lot different from the old days, 
though. No babysitters running around back then."

Gar grinned and shook his head. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Strange 
though. Roy was the last Titan I would have expected to become a parent 
first. Donna, sure, or one of the old guard, but not *Roy*."

"Maybe, but I gotta admit, the man's a great dad. But if you think 
*that's* strange, you should have been there when everyone found out he's 
been stepping out with Kyle."

Gar blinked. "Kyle?"

"Yeah, you know. Black hair, green eyes, funky ring."

"Kyle Rayner? Kyle 'just call me Green Lantern' Rayner? Kyle who used to 
date Donna?"

"That's the one."

Gar shut his mouth, then pulled the smoking ember that had been his 
hotdog out of the fire. He thought twice about it and tossed the branch 
in. Somehow he had the feeling he wasn't going to be able to concentrate 
on cooking for a while. "What does Donna think of it? I mean, I thought 
she and Roy were involved."

Vic shrugged. "Not really. They did some dating, but now she's seeing 
someone else. She hasn't told us anything about him yet. Anyway, she's 
completely supportive."

"Roy and Kyle," Gar muttered to himself. "Unbelievable."

"Not really. Actually, they make a good pair."

"That doesn't bother you?" Gar said, surprised. "I mean, the gay bit?"

"Why would it? I've visited that side of the street myself."

Gar's mouth went dry at that. "You? But... I thought..."

Vic smiled at him, a smile that was always guaranteed to warm him, 
through and through. "Sure. Remember me telling you guys about Ron?"

"The leader of that gang you got involved with?" Gar said, not getting 
the connection.

"Yep. Well, I wouldn't say we were lovers or anything. But he was... 
Charismatic is the best word for it, I guess. He also slept around a lot, 
with both boys and girls from the gang."

"What about Marcy? I thought you were with her back then."

"She knew. Hell, she slept with him a couple times too."

"I just never thought you were the type to swing that way," Gar said, 
trying to process what his friend was saying. Suddenly, things he thought 
impossible -- things he had been refusing to let himself think -- were a 
little less so, and he wasn't sure what to do.

Vic reached over and rested a hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad we came up 
here," he said, changing the subject. "You know, I realized that we 
really haven't talked since I came back." Vic looked ever, meeting Gar's 
eyes.

Gar shook off his confusion, refocusing on the conversation. "What are 
you talking about? We talk almost every day."

"No, I mean really talk. I never told you how much... How much I missed 
you after you left. You know, when the others tried to reason with... 
Cyberion, I heard them, but that was all. My mind couldn't process what 
they were saying. You were the only one I really *heard*. If it weren't 
for you, God only knows what sort of harm I would have done."

Gar blinked back the prickle of tears. "You couldn't hurt anyone. You 
would have stopped it somehow."

"I wish I had your faith." Vic looked so sad that it broke Gar's heart.

He scooted closer and reached out to touch Vic's arm. "You would have. I 
know you, Vic. You protected us. You were in there, and I refuse to 
believe that you wouldn't have found *some* way of stopping before... 
before..." Gar fell silent.

Vic covered his hand with one of his own and they sat in silence for a 
while, just watching the fire burn. Gar leaned closer until he was 
pressed against Vic's side, enjoying the closeness that he'd missed for 
so long. It wasn't as much as he wanted, but he would take what he could 
get. 

"Gar?"

"Hmmm?" he replied, enjoying the warmth of the fire and the feel of Vic's 
hand slowly rubbing the back of his. The gentle touch made him want to 
purr.

But then the hand lifted away, and he looked up. Vic was watching him 
with an expression he couldn't read. It was one he'd never seen on the 
man's face in all the years he'd known him.

Then the hand that had been rubbing his came up to cup the side of his 
face and he gasped. He'd seen the expression, he realized, but never 
aimed at *him*. It had always been for Sarah or Marcy or someone else. It 
was the expression that he'd always wanted to see directed at him and him 
alone, but hadn't really hoped to ever see.

"Gar."

Gar's breath stopped as Vic's face seemed to grow. Then lips brushed his 
and he realized that it had just been getting closer. Those lips brushed 
his again, and then a third time before settling into a kiss.

A kiss. Vic was kissing him. Really *kissing* him.

Gar bit back a whimper and reached up to touch Vic's face. He twisted 
around so that he was facing the man, and pressed closer as two arms 
wrapped around him, holding him tight. All the while, the kiss went on 
and on, until shortness of breath forced him to pull back a little.

"Vic?" he gasped, beyond confused, beyond happy.

Vic was smiling. "I love you," he said softly, then kissed him again.

This time, there was no hesitation. Gar threw himself into the kiss whole-
heartedly. Warm hands -- far warmer than metal should be -- were tugging 
his shirt from the waist of his jeans, then moving underneath to slide up 
his back, leaving trails of goosebumps as they went.

The world tilted, and Gar found himself lying on top of a prone Vic. He 
pulled back again, licking his lips. "How? Why?"

Vic was almost glowing. "I've always loved you, but never let myself 
think it," he said, still caressing Gar's back. "After all, I couldn't be 
*in* love with a fifteen year old, could I? And by the time you were old 
enough, I was..." the smile faded.

"But you aren't anymore," Gar whispered. This time, he was the one who 
initiated the kiss.

When they surfaced again, Gar's shirt and undershirt were gone, and his 
pants were pushed partway down his legs. He pushed away for a moment to 
strip the rest of his clothes off, then looked at Vic, chewing his lip.

"But what about you? How can you..."

Vic lifted a hand to cover his mouth. Gar couldn't resist kissing the 
palm, and watched as a shiver ran through Vic's metal form.

"Watch," Vic said.

A second shiver ran over his surface, this time ending in the groin area. 
As Gar watched, a set of fully human-looking genitalia formed, perfect 
and erect. He gulped, then looked back up at Vic.

"I can feel," Vic said hoarsely. "I can feel so much for the first time 
in years. I want to feel it with you. Please?"

Gar grinned. "Whatever you want, rust-bucket," he said.

One of Vic's arms reached towards their tent, elongating as it went, and 
snagged a sleeping bag. He pulled it back and spread it out next to the 
fire, but not too close to be a fire hazard. Gar raised an eyebrow.

"I want to do this under the stars," Vic said shyly.

"Do what?" Gar teased.

Vic fixed him with an intense look that made his mouth go dry. "Make love 
to you," he said.

Gar launched himself at Vic, and they went tumbling onto the sleeping bag 
together. "Whatever you want," he said, then started the next kiss.

This kiss seemed to go on forever, while they explored each other's 
bodies. Gar still wasn't sure just what Vic was feeling, but he gave 
every indication that he was enjoying it, just like he was enjoying the 
warm hands that seemed to be touching him everywhere at once.

They rolled back and forth, taking turns at being on top. Gar found that 
he really, *really* liked having Vic blanketing him. His metal form was 
larger than his own, and oh so very warm. Definitely warmer than human. 
It felt like he was being covered by a blanket, sheltering him from the 
rest of the world.

Finally, he pushed Vic away, staring up into his eyes. "Make love to me?" 
he asked, dry-mouthed at what he was asking.

"I thought I was," Vic grinned back at him.

"No, I mean..." Gar reached down to caress the erection Vic had formed, 
then spread his legs apart, bracing his feet on the ground so he could 
tilt his pelvis. Vic's eyes went wide.

"Are you sure?" he asked, barely above a whisper. Gar nodded.

Vic reached down and ran a finger over Gar's ass, then pressed it against 
the opening there. Gar moaned at the feeling. He'd never realized just 
*how* sensitive an ass could be.

Vic's hands reached to grasp his hips and he felt a pressure. His eyes 
flew open. "Um... isn't there some sort of preparation needed?" he asked, 
suddenly nervous.

Vic kissed him. "Trust me."

Gar stared at him for a moment, then nodded. He forced himself to relax 
as the pressure started again.

But there was no pain, he realized. Vic slid into him, but what Gar felt 
was no larger than a finger. He'd forgotten that Vic could control that.

Vic held still for a moment, and he nodded again. Vic started rocking 
back and forth, and Gar moaned. Some sort of lubrication was forming, 
but he wasn't sure how. Had Vic made his outer layer liquid somehow? Then 
the friction grew and he suddenly realized that Vic was growing larger in 
him, slowly but surely, stretching him in very slow stages.

He wasn't sure how large Vic got in the end. He didn't care. All he knew 
was that it felt wonderful. Shocks ran through him as something formed at 
just the right spot to massage what he assumed was his prostate and he 
cried out, arching his back. As Vic pressed down on him, in him, the 
metal form started to feel less and less solid. It was like there tiny 
mouths clamped on his nipples, fingers running along his underarms, an 
opening in Vic's stomach that grasped and stroked his erection, as well 
as the mouth that moved from kissing him to nibbling his neck and 
whispering wonderful, incomprehensible things in his ears.

Finally, it was all too much, and Gar arched one last time, calling Vic's 
name as he came and came and came...

As he collapsed, the power and speed of Vic's thrusts increased, and he 
looked up to see an expression of near rapture on that beautiful, golden 
face, before Vic froze. Larger ripples than any before ran through his 
form, starting at the groin and spreading outwards. Vic's form went 
indistinct, like it was melting, and Gar heard a cry that went up and 
down the range of his hearing, and yet managed to be his name the entire 
time.

Then Vic's form solidified again, and he collapsed on top of Gar before 
rolling over to the side.

They both lay there for a moment, breathing heavily. Gar felt like he was 
tingling all over. Nothing had *ever* been like this.

Finally, Vic opened his eyes and looked at him. Gar could see the 
apprehension there. He leaned over and kissed Vic again, communicating 
reassurance to the older man.

"You didn't mind..." Vic asked, gesturing down, as if to indicate his 
lack of form control during his orgasm. At least, that was what Gar 
*assumed* it had been.

He smiled. "Mind? Hell, I think you've spoiled me for anyone else. Not," 
he hurried to say when Vic's face went concerned, "that that's a *bad* 
thing. In fact, it was fantastic. *Better* than fantastic."

Vic relaxed a little, and Gar curled up tight to his side. The moon was 
coming up over the canyon, and the day was catching up with him. He 
closed his eyes and sighed. "I love you, Vic," he mumbled, starting to 
drift to sleep.

But he wasn't so far gone that he didn't hear the reply.

"I love you too, green genes."


THE END