This story takes place after the events in Juliet is Bleeding.

Title: Denial
Author: Mrs. Fish
Fandom: Due South
Pairing: Fraser/Ray Vecchio
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Spoilers for Juliet is Bleeding; language; angst; m/m sex.
Status: Completed
E-mail address for feedback: mrs_fish@hotmail.com
Summary: Ray denies his feelings for Fraser.

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. No infringement of any copyrights held by Alliance Communication or CTV is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story.

"You know, the first time I ever asked her to dance was in PE class. She kept tryin to lead. Finally I had to ask her to... to relax... that it'd be ok. Just put your head on my shoulder and close your eyes. Everything's gonna be ok..."

Fraser's heart was breaking. Sitting in the hospital and watching the pain-etched features of his closest friend as he told his story was tearing him apart. He wanted to reach out and pull Ray close to him; hold him; comfort him; tell him that he shared his pain. But Fraser knew he couldn't. He couldn't risk exposing his true feelings to Ray. Ray wouldn't understand. Even Fraser didn't understand these feelings. He just knew they were there, they were real, and he couldn't do a damn thing about them. So he just sat and listened... and tried to forget about his breaking heart.

The ride to his apartment was made in silence. Fraser was lost in thought and it took him a moment to register that the Riv had stopped and they were sitting in front of his building.

"Ray?..."

"Get out of the car, Fraser."

"Ray, please, we need to talk."

"Get out of the car before I throw you out."

"Ray, you don't mean that."

"Just get out of the fuckin car!" Ray shoved Fraser against the door, his face a dark mask of mixed emotions. Ben was barely out of the car when the Riv peeled away from the curb. He stood on the sidewalk and watched it disappear down the street until his sight was blurred by the tears welling in his eyes.

He was distracted as Diefenbaker nudged his hand, then walked toward the stoop. Ben stared down the empty street a moment longer before following his wolf into the darkened building.

His legs felt like lead as he trudged the three flights of stairs to his apartment. Diefenbaker ran ahead of him and waited patiently for Fraser to open the door. Fraser flicked on the light, hung up his coat, and put on the kettle before feeding Dief. He replaced his uniform with jeans and a flannel shirt.

Sitting at his small kitchen table, Ben tried to go over the events leading to his confrontation with Ray. The evening had started off quite pleasantly. Ray had been promoted to Detective second grade, and to celebrate, had invited Fraser and Detectives Huey and Gardino to dinner at Scarpeta's. The mood quickly changed when the four men arrived and discovered Frank Zuko, an old enemy of Ray's, had taken over the place to celebrate his birthday. They were just able to get a table in a side room. Throughout the night, Ray kept glaring at Zuko, the hatred evident in his eyes. Their celebration ended after Ray asked Zuko's sister, Irene, to dance. A fight ensued, and they all wound up in Lieutenant Welsh's office trying to explain what happened.

Huey and Gardino were given desk duty; Ray was suspended for a week without pay. They left the precinct and headed for Olympos for something to eat. Gardino asked for Ray's car keys to retrieve his coat. Fraser had noticed a suspicious character leaving the scene and followed Detective Gardino. He tried to get his attention, unsuccessfully; because he couldn't, Louis Gardino was killed when a bomb exploded in the Riv.

Ray and Detective Huey were convinced Frank Zuko was behind the bombing. Fraser wasn't, and went searching for the real killer. Fraser's investigation led to Zuko's release. No one could believe what the Mountie had done, especially Ray. They couldn't or wouldn't understand that all Fraser wanted was to find the real killer -- that he couldn't let the real killer go free, despite the fact that Fraser wanted Zuko behind bars as much as anyone else. The real killer turned out to be Michael Sorrento, Zuko's business partner.

The final chapter in the tragic story happened at the Zuko home. Ray tried to get Irene out of the house because Frank had threatened her. Zuko pulled a gun on Ray, but shot Irene by mistake. That's how Fraser and Ray had ended up at the hospital. Ray had told Ben the dancing story after Irene had died in surgery.

Ben's reminiscing was interrupted by the kettle's whistle. He poured the hot water and brought the tea pot, cup, and sugar bowl back to the table with him. Fraser ran his hands through his hair and sighed. He was exhausted -- both physically and mentally. He knew he should try and get some sleep, but his mind was filled with too many unanswered questions.

Why had Ray reacted so violently toward him? Fraser knew he was upset by Irene's death. Ray and Irene had been lovers at one time, and Ray still cared for her very much. But that still didn't explain his hostility and anger. Certainly Ray didn't blame him for Irene's death... or did he? If Fraser hadn't cleared Zuko of Louis' killing, Zuko would never have been released from jail, and the shooting wouldn't have taken place. Irene would still be alive. No -- there were too many factors involved. Fraser wasn't responsible for her death. He couldn't be. He already blamed himself for not trying harder to stop Louis. He would have to live with that death, but not Irene's.  Not Irene's.

Fraser lay in the dark trying unsuccessfully to sleep. He kept seeing Ray's face; hearing Ray's voice. Such hatred directed at him. Fraser had never seen Ray that way before; never wanted to see him that way again. He turned on his side and clutched a pillow, unable to stop the tears that had been threatening the past ten minutes. Fraser was overcome with grief and sadness, both at the loss of Louis and Irene, and at the loss of his best friend.

Fraser arrived at the Consulate at 5:00 a.m. -- plenty of time to type his report and leave before anyone else reported for work. He'd call in sick later. It wasn't really a lie -- Fraser did feel like hell. He'd gotten no sleep the night before, the dark circles under his eyes proved that. His shoulder was stiff and bruised where Ray had pushed him against the car door. Now, standing in front of the 27th Precinct, Fraser felt sick to his stomach. He took a deep breath and walked in the door.

If he was lucky, no one would be in this early, and he could just leave the report on Lieutenant Welsh's desk. Luck seemed to have abandoned Fraser, however, because Ray was sitting at his desk filling out his own report. Diefenbaker trotted over to him and whined. Ray turned first to the wolf, then looked up at Fraser. The anger was still there.

"You know, you've got a lot of nerve showin your face around here."

Fraser approached the desk slowly. "I just wanted to give my report to the Lieutenant. I hadn't expected anyone to be in this early."

"Oh, that's right. You do everything by the book. Mustn't have any loose ends."

The Mountie cringed at Ray's sarcasm. He went and placed the report in the Lieutenant's office. Ray was blocking the way as he tried to leave.

"Ray, I want you to know how sorry I am about everything's that happened..."

"Oh, save it Fraser. I don't really give a damn what you feel. I just wanted to tell you to stay the hell outta my life. I don't ever wanna see or talk to you again. Just stay away from me and stay away from my family, understand? And that goes for your wolf, too."

Fraser fought back the tears, but he couldn't hide the emotion in his voice. "I understand, Ray."

"Benny, there's one more thing..." The punch caught him off guard. He fell backward and caught the edge of Detective Huey's desk. Ray straddled Fraser, pulled him up by the collar, and hit him again. He raised his fist for another punch when a pair of strong jaws clamped down on him, firmly but gently, intending to warn not harm. A low growl convinced Ray to relax his arm, and move off Fraser.

Dief released Ray and sniffed his master. He whined and turned toward Ray as if asking him what he'd done. Ray looked down -- Fraser wasn't moving; there was blood streaming from a cut on his head.

"Oh, shit." Ray called 911. His hands were shaking. What had come over him? Sure, he was angry with Fraser -- no -- he hated him. Ray hated him for not saving Louis. Hated him for being right about Zuko. Hated him for Irene's death. Hated him for everything. He hated Fraser so much he didn't even go to the hospital with the ambulance. He just didn't care any more.

Fraser opened his eyes slowly. The last thing he remembered was being at the precinct and having a fight with Ray.

"Constable?..."

He turned his head at the sound -- a little too quickly -- because waves of nausea assailed him. He closed his eyes again, willing himself not to throw up. He felt a gentle hand on his arm.

"Constable Fraser, are you all right? Should I call a nurse?"

Ben opened his eyes and tried to focus on the face behind the voice. It was Lieutenant Welsh, and he looked quite concerned.

"I'm fine, Leftennant." He didn't sound too convincing.

"I won't stay long. The doctor says you have a concussion. I just need to know if you want to file charges."

"Charges?" Fraser barely got the word out.

"Yes, against Detective Vecchio. Assault charges. I walked in the precinct and found you unconscious. He told me what happened. Do you wish to file charges against him?"

"No, I do not wish to file charges. Ray isn't himself right now. He's been under a great deal of stress. He's upset about the deaths of Louis and Irene. He just didn't know what he was doing."

"Constable, I know you and Vecchio are friends. You don't have to cover for him. He told me his actions were intentional, and that he quote 'wanted to beat the shit out of you'. Now, I'll ask you one more time -- do you wish to file assault charges against Detective Vecchio?"

Fraser opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out but a whimper. He felt his eyes filling with tears. "No... he's... he's my best friend. He... wouldn't... he wouldn't hurt me..." Fraser covered his face with his hands and began to cry.

Lieutenant Welsh put his hand on Ben's arm. Trying his best to sound comforting he said, "Of course he wouldn't. It's all right. Everything's gonna be all right. You just try and get some rest." What the hell had happened? Fraser and Vecchio were practically joined at the hip and now... now Vecchio deliberately puts Fraser in the hospital? This whole Zuko mess had affected everyone, especially Vecchio. Welsh hadn't realized how much until now. Well, he'd make sure Ray got some help. He'd never undersood Vecchio and Fraser's friendship, but he knew that it had been genuine, and he wasn't going to sit by and let that friendship be destroyed by scum like Zuko. "Constable can I get you anything before I go?"

Fraser wiped the tears from his face. He felt embarrassed for breaking down like that in front of the Lieutenant. "No, thank you Leftennant. I'll be fine now. I'm very sorry for my behavior. Not very professional of me."

"It must be because of the concussion." Welsh gave him a half smile.

"Yes, of course, my concussion. That must be it." Fraser didn't believe that for a moment.

"My pleasure, Constable. You take care." He started toward the door, but hesitated when he got there. "Fraser, don't worry about Vecchio. I'll make sure he gets some help. You'll work this out, I'm sure."

"Thank you kindly, Leftennant."

Fraser was released from the hospital three days later. Inspector Thatcher placed him on light duty at the Consulate. He hadn't heard from Ray, but then he hadn't really expected to. He wondered if he'd ever see or hear from Ray again. After their last encounter, he doubted it.

Fraser's eyes filled with tears at the thought of never seeing his friend again, but he shook them off. No, it was better this way. Better to be alone. He'd been alone most of his life anyway. He didn't need Ray... he didn't need anyone but himself and Diefenbaker.

Six months had gone by since the incident at the precinct. Fraser's life had been reduced to working, eating, and sleeping -- mostly working. He was spending almost all his time at the Consulate.

It wasn't unnoticed by Inspector Thatcher. So when she came in one morning and found the Request for Transfer on her desk, she wasn't surprised. In fact, she processed it immediately, after adding some glowing comments about Fraser's abilities. The approval came two days later.

She stood in the doorway and knocked. Fraser stood at attention.

"At ease, Constable. Fraser, your transfer back to the Territories has been approved. I thought you'd want to know right away."

He looked a bit shocked. "Why, thank you, sir. I... I appreciate your consideration."

"You report on the first. That gives you three weeks to get settled. I'm sure you're excited at the prospect of returning home after all this time."

"Yes... ma'am. I didn't realize how much I missed it until recently."

Thatcher saw the sadness sweep over Fraser's face. She knew he was referring to the incident with Vecchio. She'd never really liked the Detective, but after what he did to Fraser, she wanted to strangle him. "Well, you'd better go. I'm sure you have a lot of arrangements to make."

"But my work..."

"Leave it. I'll get Turnbull to do it. It's about time he did something useful around here." Meg gave him a warm smile. "Ben... I just want to you know, it's been a pleasure working with you. And if you ever get tired of wide, open spaces and caribou, you're always welcome to come back here. I'll find a place for you somewhere."

"Thank you kindly, Inspector. You don't know how much that means to me."

"Good bye..." Meg left the room quickly, not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes.

Fraser looked around his office one last time. He thought he'd feel sad about leaving, but he felt... nothing. Perhaps that was a good thing. He didn't want to feel attached to this place. That way, he'd have no reason to want to return. "C'mon, Dief," he said and walked toward the door.

Ben made arrangements to have Diefenbaker shipped the next day. He'd be leaving three days later. He took care of all the travel arrangements, then made a list of the people he needed to tell good bye. It was quite extensive. He hadn't realized he'd made that many acquaintences in Chicago. Ben started with the people in his apartment building, then moved down the list.

There was only one more name on his list: the Vecchio family. He had to say good bye, at least to Mrs. Vecchio. She had been so kind to him, adopting him into their family. He knew she'd be hurt if he didn't say good bye.

It felt strange standing on the porch again. He had a lump in his throat, and he knew he was going to cry, but he didn't care. He knocked. Mrs. Vecchio answered the door. Her surprise was obvious.

"Benton, it's so good to see you. Come in."

"Thank you Mrs. Vecchio. I won't stay long. I... I just needed to see you for a moment and Francesca, Maria, and Tony if they're here."

She noticed he didn't mention Ray. "I'm sorry Benton, but the others aren't here right now. Come in the kitchen and I'll fix you some tea. No arguments."

"Yes, ma'am." Benton followed her into the kitchen, a flood of memories coming to him as he passed through the other rooms of the house. He was in tears by the time they reached the kitchen.

"Benton, what's wrong? Why are you crying, caro?" Mrs. Vecchio put her arms around him, and Fraser returned her embrace.

"I'm... I'm sorry Mrs. Vecchio. I was hoping this wouldn't happen, but this house has too many memories for me."

She released him and led him to the table. "Sit down and tell me what this is about. I'll make us both some tea."

Fraser waited until she sat down before starting. "I came here today to say good bye. I'm being transferred back to the Territories. I leave tomorrow morning. I couldn't go without seeing you and your family. I wanted you to know how much... how... much... I... " A sob was all he could vocalize. Mrs. Vecchio put her arms around him again and gently rocked Fraser as he cried.

The whistling kettle broke the silence. Mrs. Vecchio poured the water for the tea and brought Fraser a cup.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Benton, you're like another son to me. As dear to me as my own Raimondo. Tell me what happened between you two? Was it that devil Zuko? Irene? I need to understand what tore you two apart."

Fraser took a sip of tea and stared at the cup. "It was a lot of things Mrs. Vecchio. I think Ray blamed me for Irene's death. I did prove Zuko was innocent of killing Detective Gardino. He hated me for that too. I think what finally tore us apart was the incident in the precinct the day after Irene died. I knew after that that Ray would never forgive me, and our friendship was over."

"What incident, Benton? What did Raimondo do?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No, Raimondo hasn't been himself since Irene died. He's been seeing a psychiatrist the last few months."

Fraser's jaw dropped. "A psychiatrist? Ray must be more troubled than I thought."

"Calm down, Benton. Raimondo said he needed help to sort through a lot of things and we shouldn't worry. He'll be all right. Now, please tell me what happened at the precinct."

"Ray attacked me. I ended up in the hospital with a concussion. Leftennant Welsh wanted me to file assault charges against Ray, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I told myself that it had been an accident, that Ray wouldn't really hurt me. He was my best friend... Actually, he was my only friend, Mrs. Vecchio. The only true friend I had in this world, and I lost him. Do you know how much that hurts? Do you know how it feels to be alone and to know you have no one to turn to? How could Ray do that to me? I would have done anything for him, even died for him if he'd asked me. I love him. Oh, God, I love him so much..."

Fraser laid his head on the table and buried his face in his arms. Sobs racked his body. Mrs. Vecchio pulled him to her again. They sat together a long time. When Fraser was able to speak again, he sat up and pulled away from Mrs. Vecchio.

"I'm sorry. That shouldn't have happened. Please forgive me."

Mrs. Vecchio just smiled at him. "Benton, you don't know how happy you've made me."

"I don't understand, Mrs. Vecchio."

"You will soon, I promise." Mrs. Vecchio kissed him. "Now, let me make some fresh tea for us."

Fraser spent several hours with Mrs. Vecchio. He was very glad he'd come. Before leaving, he gave her a letter for Ray. "I know how he feels about me, but I still feel the need to tell him good bye. I want him to know how much I care about him; how much I love him."

"I'll make sure he gets it, Benton. And I'll tell the others good bye for you. I know Francesca will be heartbroken when she hears you're leaving."

"Francesca is a very strong woman. She'll be just fine." There was an awkward silence before Ben said, "Well, I should go. I'm going to miss you and your family very much, Mrs. Vecchio. I'll never forget you and the kindness you've shown me. You'll always have a place in my heart. If you are ever in need of anything, please let me know. I'll always consider you and the others my family. Good bye and God bless you." He kissed her on the cheek and walked out the door.

The trip back to the Territories was uneventful. Ben retrieved Diefenbaker and the two of them made for the cabin, or what was left of it. Ben had a lot of work ahead of him before winter. After looking at the state of the cabin, Ben asked for and got permission to take two weeks vacation before beginning work. He figured five weeks was plenty of time.

He'd only been back in Canada a week when he received an unexpected visitor.

"Hey, I thought we were gonna rebuild this thing together? And where's the bathroom gonna go?"

"Ray!? What?... What are you doing here?" Fraser was overjoyed at seeing his friend again. He wrapped his arms around Ray and held him tightly. "I'm so glad to see you. You don't know how much I missed you, Ray."

Ray slid his arms around Fraser and held him right back. "Oh, Benny. God, I missed you too. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything. Can you ever forgive me? Please."

"Ray, of course I do. You're my best friend. I love you."

"That's somethin else I wanna talk about. Well, maybe not so much talk about..." Ray turned his head slightly and pressed his lips against Ben's, gently at first, then more forcefully. Ray's tongue slid into Fraser's mouth, exploring, then dueling with Ben's, sucking lightly. He slid his hands over Fraser's ass, kneading the firm flesh. Ben moaned as Ray pressed his thigh against Fraser's groin, feeling his arousal there. Fraser pulled away slightly.

"Ray," he said breathlessly. "I love you. I want you. I want to make love to you. I need to make love to you. Now."

Fraser took Ray's hand and pulled him toward the unfinished cabin. He spread open his sleeping bag and pushed Ray into it. Fraser reattached himself to Ray's mouth, once again enjoying the feel of the other man's tongue. Ben pulled from Ray's mouth and began trailing soft feathery kisses down his neck and throat. He worked at the buttons on Ray's shirt, placing a kiss on each piece of exposed skin he encountered.

Ray began pulling Fraser's shirt from his jeans, desperate for the feel of the other man's skin. Ben's skin was hot... and silky smooth, just as he imagined it would be. Ray had never wanted anyone like this before. Fraser's kisses and tongue licks were driving him mad with desire. Ray moaned loudly as Fraser began sucking and licking his nipples.

"Oh, Benny... Oh, God, I don't know how much longer I can stand this. Please... oh, please, Benny... suck me... "

Fraser slid his tongue down Ray's chest to the top of his pants. He sat up and quickly pulled his jeans and shirt off, then removed Ray's clothes. Ben lay down with his head facing Ray's feet. He grasped Ray's cock and ran his tongue from base to tip, sliding his thumb in and out of the slit.

"Ohhhhh... Benny... "

"Ray," Fraser said raggedly. "Touch me, too. Please... "

"I'm sorry, Benny. It's hard to concentrate on anything but what your're doin to me. It feels so damn good... " Ray grasped Fraser's cock firmly and engulfed it, all in one move. He slid his other hand around to the Mountie's ass, and slowly pushed one, then two fingers into him. Ray pulled his fingers in and out of Ben's ass, matching the rhythm of his sucking.

Ben was totally lost in pleasure. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold off much longer. He took Ray's cock in his mouth, then reached down and rubbed his balls between his fingers. Ray's hips were bucking wildly, thrusting into his mouth faster and faster until...

They came together -- powerful, earth-moving orgasms that sent shudders coursing through their bodies -- leaving them both sated and content. Fraser turned and pulled Ray tightly into his arms. He kissed him deeply, tasting himself on the other man's tongue before parting.

"I love you, Ray. I've loved you for so long. I never knew how to tell you, or even if I should tell you. I didn't know how you'd react."

"It's ok, Benny. I love you too. It's funny, but I've loved you for as long as I can remember. I just needed someone to remind me of that."

"What are you talking about, Ray?"

"My psychiatrist, Benny. Ma said she told you I was seein one. He made me realize how much I loved you. That whole thing with Zuko and Irene was just me in denial."

"I see. Your mother told you I went to see her? What else did she tell you?"

"She told me everything, Benny. And she said to tell you now you know why you made her so happy. Do you know what she's talkin about?"

Fraser pulled Ray closer and kissed the top of his head. "Ray, did you tell your mother about your feelings toward me?"

"Yea, Benny. Ma's always known how I felt about you. She's known about my sexual preferences for a long time. So, you gonna clue me in or what?"

"I told your mother I loved you, Ray. That's when she said I made her happy, because she already knew how you felt about me. Your mother is a wonderful woman, Ray. You're very lucky."

"So are you, Benny. She loves you an awful lot, too, you know."

"Yes, I know."

The two men lay quietly together, contented just to be together, at least for now.

"Ray?"

"Yea, Benny."

"What happens now?"

"Whaddya mean?"

"I mean with us. What's going to happen to us now that we know how we feel about each other? I've been transferred back here, Ray. This isn't a vacation. I just can't pack up and go back to Chicago with you."

"Benny, Benny, calm down. It's ok, really it is. Trust me." Ray gave Fraser a deep kiss, pressing himself closer to his lover.

"I can't lose you again, Ray. I don't think I could bear it."

"Benny, do you think I'm too old to learn how to fish, or use a compass, or camp or build a fire?"

"No, of course not, Ray. I think you could learn those things quite easily with the right teacher."

Ray sat up and looked down at his lover. "How about you, Benny? Would you teach me? I mean, if I'm gonna be livin up here in the wilds, I need to know that kinda stuff, right?" A broad grin spread across his face.

The look on Fraser's face was priceless. For a moment, he didn't know what to say. He just stared up at Ray, totally shocked. "Did I hear you correctly, Ray? Did you say living here? As in living here with me?"

"Yea, Benny, you heard right. That's somethin else I learned from my psychiatrist. I need to go with my feelings. And my feelings said if I let you go, I'd regret it as long as I lived. I love you too much to lose you again, Fraser. So if you don't mind, I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you here in the woods."

"Oh, Ray." Fraser's eyes filled with tears. He pulled his lover close and kissed him deeply and passionately, his cock stirring slightly. "I love you so much. And I'd be honored to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Benny, you know there might be some problems? When people find out about us, I mean."

"We'll deal with the problems as they come along, Ray. And right now I know of one you can deal with quite nicely." Fraser grinned and pressed his erection firmly against Ray's leg."

"This is one problem I'll be happy to deal with, Benny, any time or anywhere you like. Just let me get a closer look."

"Ohhhhh... Ray... "

"Yep, I think I figured it out, Benny. And I know just how to fix it."

The end.

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