I have been in a bit of a retrospective mood ever since John Denver's death. And, of course, I've been playing a lot of his music.

When I heard Annie's Song again after so many years, the first thing that leapt out to me was 'Jim and Blair love song'. And that's how this little piece got written.

Title: Come Fill Me Again
Author: Mrs. Fish
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairing: Jim/Blair
Rating: R
Warning: Pure mush and sap; song lyrics.
Status: Completed
Date: 11/30/97
E-mail address for feedback: mrs_fish@hotmail.com
Summary: Jim reminisces as he watches Blair sleep.

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. No infringement of any copyrights held by UPN, Pet Fly Productions, or others is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story.

Notes: As I said, the title of the story is taken from Annie's Song by John Denver. Parts of the lyrics are used throughout, and the entire song can be found here.

Annie's Song
Words and Music by John Denver
Copyright 1974 Cherry Lane Music Co. (ASCAP)

You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in Springtime, like a walk in the rain.
Like a storm on the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms.
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again.

Let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again.

You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in Springtime, like a walk in the rain.
Like a storm on the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

You fill up my senses...

Watching Blair sleep has become one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Maybe because it's the only time he's truly at rest, and I
can take the time to admire his beauty. And he is beautiful, both inside and out. I've never known anyone quite like him before -- so animated and alive -- I mean really alive. He lives life to the fullest, the way a lot of people only wish they can. I thank God every day that this wonderful man is in my life and in my heart... yea, in my heart. It was a shock to me as well. I didn't even realize the empty place was there until he filled it.

It's scary sometimes how attuned I am to him. You could put Blair in the middle of a packed to capacity Cascade Arena, blindfold me, and I'd still be able to single out his heartbeat and find him. That's because his heartbeat is the first thing I listen for in the morning, and the thing that lulls me to sleep every night. I've even gone so far as to imprint his scent. I hate to think of how many times Blair has been kidnapped by some psycho because of his association with me, and knowing I can track him by his smell is somewhat reassuring, if not a bit kinky.

Blair would laugh if he heard me say that, but I love the way he smells. He reminds me of the jungle -- earthy and natural and very, very masculine. Blair has always been adamant about using all natural products; he buys all his toiletries from a shop in the mall that specializes in them. It's the only store of its type that I can walk in without getting an instant headache. Lately Blair and I have been shopping there together. OK, so I like buying things for him. I love the way his eyes light up like a kid at Christmas when I do little things for him, even if it's just getting him some new shampoo. Actually I don't know who enjoys it more -- Blair because I bought it for him, or me because I'm the one who gets to use it on that beautiful hair.

That's something else about Blair that absolutely drives me wild. I've always kept my hair short, first because that's the way my dad wanted it, then because of the service, and now just because I'm used to it that way. But Blair... his hair is like spun silk. I love running my hands through it, or when he brushes it over my chest when we're making love. It's the biggest turn on for me. I think Blair could get me off with just his hair, even if he didn't touch me with anything else. Mmmm... maybe I should suggest it to him as a test for my tactile sense.

Damn, just thinking about it is getting me hard. I guess that shouldn't surprise me though. Blair can turn me on in ways Carolyn never even dreamed of. Hell, he can turn me on in ways I never dreamed of. He knows every one of my erogenous zones
and just how much stimulation it takes before I lose it. Of course I know all of his too. I don't know if it has to do with the
Sentinel/Guide relationship or not, but there's a closeness between us... a bond of sorts that's joined us not just physically, but on a mental plane as well. I've stopped questioning our relationship and why it is. I'm just grateful it is.

...like a night in the forest

I think one of the reasons I enjoy watching Blair at night is the play of shadows across his skin. They make him look so exotic, like a forest sprite or some mystical woodland creature changed into human form. He's so at home in the woods, so much more relaxed and free... looser. Maybe that's why I chose a forest setting to open my heart to him.

We'd just finished a really tough murder case -- one that hit too close to home for Sandburg because the victim was one of his students. We wrapped it up just as Spring break was starting, so I took some vacation and suggested a camping trip. I think Blair would have agreed to anything as long as it took him out of Cascade for awhile. He was really quiet on the drive up to the mountains, and I was beginning to think that the trip was a bad idea. After we set up camp, Blair said he was going for a walk. I listened to him the whole way; I wasn't taking any chances. He didn't go too far, just some place he could sit and think away from me. After about five minutes I heard him crying -- really sobbing. It took every ounce of control I had not to find him and take him in my arms and never let go.

When Blair came back to camp, he was red-eyed and shaking from the cold. I pulled him over to the fire, wrapped a blanket around him, and handed him a hot cup of tea. He reminded me so much of a lost little boy. He has the most expressive face and eyes. I can usually tell how Blair is really feeling, even if he doesn't say a word, just by looking into that wonderful face. What I saw that night wrenched at my heart and was almost too much to bear.

Looking back, I remember feeling like everything was happening in slow motion. I knelt in front of Blair and clasped his shoulders, then tilted his chin up so we were facing one another. He looked so damned miserable! I wasn't sure what to say -- 'Everything's going to be all right' sounded pretty lame, even to me. So I cupped his face in my hands and told him I loved him; that I'd always be there for him no matter what happened. And then I kissed him very tenderly on the lips and wrapped myself around him, as if my love alone could protect him from all the evils in the world. I guess that was what Blair needed, because he threw his arms around me and kissed me so hard that we fell backwards and he knocked the wind out of me. That produced a fit of giggles from us both; and believe me, laughing is really hard to do when you can barely breathe.

After we both calmed down, Blair took my hand and led me into the tent, where he proceeded to undress us after zipping the
sleeping bags together. We touched, caressed, held and kissed each other for hours, both needing the physical contact far more than we'd realized. When it became apparent that we were both on the edge, I pulled Blair over me like a blanket and we rubbed our groins together, reaching orgasm at the same time.

I think Blair screaming my name as he came was the most erotic thing I'd ever heard. It was like a bolt of electricity running through me from head to toes. If there had been any doubts about my feelings for the young man in my arms, his cry of 'Jim' tossed them all away.

We stayed in that position for a long time, neither of us wanting to break the spell we'd woven together. Blair finally mumbled
something about us sticking together and what a picture that would make for the rangers to find -- which started more giggles and more kisses. I cleaned us both up reasonably well and we spent the rest of the night holding each other and talking -- really talking -- about our feelings and emotions and what we meant to each other. It wasn't as hard as I'd thought it would be. And this coming from someone who'd been taught to keep their emotions in check by a heartless bastard who was the master of manipulation.

Like the mountains in Springtime, like a walk in the rain.

The rest of the week passed much too quickly for either of us. We spent a lot of time just walking together, hand in hand, enjoying the beauty surrounding us. Of course nothing could compare to the beauty that was Blair, and I told him so many many times.

I made love to him every way I could, worshipping his body with my mouth and hands, trying to convey to Blair how much I loved him without words. He told me that I didn't have to try so hard; that he understood. He also said if we didn't slow down that he'd need a vacation from our vacation because he'd be too tired to move after we got back to Cascade. So I cut back our lovemaking to twice a day, at least until we returned home.

We had some very interesting discussions around the fire that week. Blair was surprised at my openness and my experience with other men. He was so certain I was totally vanilla, as he put it. The truth is we found out more about each other in those seven days than we had in the previous three hundred sixty five. But the most important thing we learned from this trip was how much we truly loved each other, and I'm forever grateful for that.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you

Six months after our declaration of love for one another on that camping trip, Blair came home to find the loft bathed in soft
candlelight. I didn't say a word as I led him to the sofa, sat him down gently, then knelt before him. I was glad Blair didn't have sentinel abilities that night because my heart was pounding like a jackhammer, and my palms were so sweaty that I could barely open the ring box when I took it out of my pocket. I'd never been so scared before. Of course I'd never had so much to lose before either. Blair had become the single most important thing in the world to me and I wanted him to know that I was in this relationship for the long haul.

So here I was on one knee in front of my lover, shaking like a leaf, trying to remember this mushy speech I'd written, and the only words that came out were, 'I love you, Blair. Will you marry me?' It must have been enough because he said yes and fell into my arms crying. How I managed to get the gold band on his finger I'll never know because he had me in a strangle hold the whole time.

We held and kissed each other for a long time right there on the floor before Blair slowly rose, took my hand and led me upstairs to our bedroom. He undressed us both and we got into bed, kissing and caressing like always. But this night was not to be like all the others.

We made love together for the first time; really made love. I can't begin to explain the intensity I felt or the connection to Blair. It was as if our two souls merged together and we truly were one being the moment we joined. Blair always said that there was so much more to the Sentinel/Guide relationship than we were aware of, and now I believe him. That night was magical for both of us.

Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you

That was eight years ago, and it still feels like yesterday. I didn't know it was possible to love someone more every day, but I'm finding out with Blair that it is. Our love keeps getting stronger, and we become closer, more bonded to one another, each day.

Blair has brought more joy and happiness to my life than anyone before. It hasn't always been easy for us, but our love and the support of our friends has always seen us through the bad times, and the good times as well. A perfect example was when Blair completed his dissertation and was finally awarded his Ph.D. I was so proud of him; hell, everyone was. How the guys from the station arranged a surprise party without my knowledge is beyond me. I never suspected a thing until the night of the party itself, and then it was too late.

Everyone walked around calling Blair 'Dr. Sandburg' all night. He was embarrassed at first, but finally decided he'd earned the title. The only low point of the evening was Blair politely telling people they could not read his dissertation, and trying to fend off their questions why without hurting anyone's feelings. We had a long talk after we got back to the loft and I told him it was time to tell our friends the truth about my Sentinel abilities. To say that Blair was shocked was an understatement. I didn't believe I'd said it myself, but I saw how hurt Blair had been at not being able to share the reason for those three letters that were now after his name.

We arranged a dinner party for our closest friends and Simon, even though he knew about my abilities, for the following week end. Everyone we'd invited showed up and we had a very enjoyable dinner thanks to Blair's cooking skills. After the meal, we settled down with drinks and coffee and Blair and I explained the whole Sentinel bit to them. We even demonstrated my abilities, and explained the zone out factor, even though I hadn't had one in years.

The reaction wasn't quite what we were expecting. No great shock, no amazement; more like 'oh, so that's how you did it'. Most people said they suspected something, but they couldn't quite figure it out. Apparently they'd all noticed little things I did, like cocking my head as if I could hear something they couldn't, or smelling things when no one else could. Blair and I answered their questions the best we could, and all-in-all it was a very enjoyable evening for everyone.

Something special did happen for Blair that night. Rafe had been hanging around, waiting for everyone else to leave. I could tell he was nervous about something because when we'd explained about my heightened senses, his heart rate skyrocketed right through the roof. We found out that his sister had a heightened sense of hearing and sight, and he asked if Blair could talk to her. We said we both would and invited them both over for dinner. To say that Blair was excited would be putting it mildly. He was ever on the lookout for more subjects to experiment on now that I had my senses under control. I felt sorry for the woman, but certainly didn't say that to Rafe.

Come let me love you...

I happened to glance over at the clock before I headed for the bathroom, and realize I've been staring at Blair for hours. God, I'm turning into such a romantic in my old age. That's something else I have Sandburg to thank for. Carolyn never went in for that mushy hearts-and-flowers stuff, but Blair just eats it up. He thinks it's sexy and a turn on. The first time he found a love poem in his lunch, he called and kept telling me over and over how much he loved me, all the while trying to hold back his tears. Saying that I didn't get much sleep that night would have been an understatement. I'd be too embarrassed to tell what happened the first time I sent him flowers.

I guess I should try and get some sleep. Blair and I are heading off on vacation in a couple days and there's still a lot of work to be done at the station. We've got six weeks all to ourselves -- well, not all to ourselves. Blair has been planning this trip for over a year; one day he came out and said he needed to be with the Chopec. He didn't explain why at first, then he hesitantly told me he'd been having 'dream visions', as he called them. They all centered around the two of us, but there was always another figure present just out of sight. The figure has been gradually becoming clearer in each successive dream. Blair finally said the figure was himself, but he was dressed and painted as Incacha had been. Then he told me he needed to go to Peru, so that's where we're going. I don't know what we'll find there, but if Blair says we need to go, we'll go.

You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

As I gather Blair in my arms, I'm once again surrounded by the scents that make up this wonderful man. I finally close my eyes and concentrate on his heartbeat -- a calming, assuring sound -- and surrender to the darkness around me. But I know, even as I drift to sleep, that the light and love beside me will always shine bright, no matter what.

The end.

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