Despite what you saw during the X-Files episode Existence, Alex Krycek is not dead. The truth of the matter is, Krycek was getting pretty damned tired of life on the run. Well, think about it—always looking over your shoulder for shadowy government types (or aliens), little or no sleep, lousy food, cheap hotels... the list goes on and on. And let's not forget to mention being totally unappreciated for his work in trying to stop the colonization project. Add to that the abuse continually inflicted upon him by one, Fox William Mulder... and, hey, a man can only take so much before he says to heck with it!

So Alex decided it was time to retire and settle down with the love of his life—(insert character of your choice here.) So he called his twin cousin Dimitri... What? You don't know about Dimitri? Oh, then I guess I should explain.

Dimitri (last name withheld for reasons of security) had the misfortune to be born on November 8th—which is the day after the anniversary of the socialist revolution of October 1917. The doctor who delivered Dimitri, being a good and loyal Party member, had spent most of the evening of November 7th raising his glass high and toasting that glorious day in Russian history. So his hand-eye coordination was just a tad off. Which would explain why he dropped Dimitri on his head shortly after birth.

Now Dimitri led a pretty normal life, and he was okay for the most part. But his lack of common sense got him into some of the stickiest situations. (I'll get into those a bit later.) The one bright spot in Dimitri's life was his cousin Alex. They were more like brothers than cousins, and Dimitri wanted to do everything Alex did. So when Alex grew up and joined the Consortium, Dimitri did too (although he was assigned exclusively to the research library.) The fact that Alex and Dimitri were twins (don't ask how, this is the X-Files after all) did come in handy in Alex's line of work, though. Like the time Alex was supposed to go to Russia with Mulder, but was needed to chauffer CSM to the annual Consortium gala. Alex figured Dimitri couldn't get into too much trouble (other than getting smacked around by Fox.) Little did he know about those pesky peasants hiding in the forest. Poor Dimitri....

Despite his handicap, Dimitri continued filling in for Alex when needed, and no one was the wiser (especially those guys in the FBI.) Dimitri particularly enjoyed using the palm pilot on Skinner. (In fact, he began asking Alex if he could visit Skinner on a weekly basis. Dimitri always returned with a big smile on his face afterwards, so Alex figured he was having a good time.)

After Mulder was abducted, stopping the colonization project began taking up more and more of Alex's time, so Dimitri's assistance became invaluable. He spent a lot of time traveling back and forth between Russia and the US, gathering info and bringing back vials of vaccine. Then Alex got word that the aliens had begun replacing humans with some new 'super alien'—something virtually impossible to kill—and that Scully was a target. He had to meet with the rebels, so he sent Dimitri to Scully's to warn her. Good thing he did, too, because Billy Miles was there. Dimitri just plowed Billy over with his car, then rescued Mulder and Scully. He took them both to FBI Headquarters and explained the whole situation to them along with Skinner and Doggett.

Now remember when I said that Dimitri's lack of common sense got hm into some sticky situations? Here's a perfect example. He helped Mulder and Scully get away from Billy Miles, then got Scully safely out of FBI Headquarters when Billy came after them. After this, he very patiently waited in Skinner's office. But does he stay there? Does he warn Skinner when he sees Billy coming down the hall? No—he goes after Mulder! And why? Petty jealousy! He thought Mulder was making eyes at Skinner (who Dimitri clearly thought belonged to him, especially after those weekly meetings.)

Needless to say, this was a fatal error on Dimitri's part. Because Walter Skinner couldn't let anything happen to Mulder (even if he had been a pain in Walter's butt for seven years.) So Skinner shot poor Dimitri—not once, not twice, but three times—the last shot being the fatal one, (a shot that would have made Annie Oakley proud) right between the eyes.

And poor Alex! Finding his cousin dead in the parking garage. He was heartbroken, and totally blamed himself for his Dimitri's death—for all of 30 seconds. Alex was never one to pass up an opportunity, and this was a perfect one for him. Everyone would think he was dead instead of Dimitri. He was finally free!

So whether you believe Alex is living in Alexandria with a certain ex-FBI agent, in New York with a former employee of the SRSG, in Crystal City with an FBI AD, in Falls Church with an ex-Marine, ex-NYPD cop in a big house with a white picket fence, or selling used cars in Branson, Missouri, where he lives with his wife, Vera, his two children, Fedya and Carolina, and their little dog; the fact of the matter is:

and you can't make me believe anything to the contrary.

Mrs. Fish
Official Propaganda Officer
Rat Army

Note: The original idea behind this story is credited to Adrock, fearless commander of The Rat Army. I just expounded upon it.

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