Disclaimer: Pet Fly and Paramount own the copyright to The Sentinel and its characters. This piece of fan fiction was written solely for the love of the characters and to share freely with other fans. No profit is being made from the posting of this story.

Acknowledgments: I'd like to thank KimberlyFDR and Elaine for the wonderful beta, and B for her encouragement and support.

Author's Notes: I've been drawn to this song for quite some time now. I was hoping to win a vidder in the 2004 Moonridge auction to make a music video of this song for me. As I didn't luck out there, I finally decided I had to write a short story to get the idea out of my head. It felt so much like Jim, I couldn't shake the feeling. This is the result.

Should this story inspire anyone who makes songvids, I have an MP3 I would happily send your way. For that matter, anyone interested in hearing the song can email me for it. It's 2.65 MB in size.

Rating: G

Warnings: Songfic: "Love Again"; music and lyrics by John Denver

Summary: Jim reflects on the train wreck of his love life.

Comments welcome and appreciated!

~~~~~~~~~~
I didn't think it could happen again
I'm just too old and set in my ways
I was convinced I would always be lonely
All of the rest of my days
Maybe I gave up on romance
In my longing to give up the pain
I just didn't believe I would ever love again
~~~~~~~~~~

It's raining again. I stand on the balcony and look out over the bay. Everything's gray, misty: like the world is crying. I'm feeling old and alone; I don't know... maybe I've just given up on the idea of romance, of finding love. After all, I haven't had much luck.

First, there was Veronica, beautiful Veronica. We made love, but the next day I saw her with my best friend. Shortly afterward, I shipped out for Peru. We met up again recently, but she had married Alex. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Next there was Lila. Ah, Lila... Bali... I really thought she could be the one, if only things had turned out differently. I'd just been rescued from Peru and was recently discharged from the Army with honors. But Lila left. I met up with her recently, too. I found out she was engaged, and an assassin with the Shang Syndicate. She died to save my life.

~~~~~~~~~~
I was like one who had shut myself in
Closed the windows, locked all the doors
Afraid of the dark and the beat of my heart
Yet knowing there had to be more
Though it sounds like a great contradiction
It's the easiest thing to explain
You see, I was afraid I might never love again
~~~~~~~~~~

It's getting chilly. Funny how the weather seems to mirror the way I feel. Maybe I wasn't meant to fall in love. It's strange how something you can't see, touch, taste, smell, or hear can cause so much pain, hurt so deeply.

I remember when I first joined the Cascade PD. I was angry, edgy, a loner. I spent some time in Vice, but then got kicked upstairs to Major Crime. I wasn't particularly happy to be there. My boss, Captain Banks, thought I needed a partner; someone to show me the ropes, maybe even whip some sense into me. Jack Pendergrast was one of the best cops I've ever known. He loved a girl named Emily Carson. I loved her, too. But I couldn't act on it. Jack was my partner, my friend. Now he's dead, and she's married, and I'm still alone.

Not long after that, I met Carolyn. She worked for the Department, too, in Forensics. Beautiful, intelligent... what more could a guy ask for? And both of us working for the police; well, it seemed a match made in heaven. There couldn't be any misunderstandings about work, about overtime, as she'd understand. We married, and we spent our first year happy. I really thought I'd finally found the love of my life. But work pulled us apart. Both of us were professionals, married first to the job, and then to each other. It was rare that we saw one another outside of work, and we began to drift apart. One day my life changed abruptly; Carolyn handed me the divorce papers. We parted amicably; I suppose it was for the best. But I vowed that I'd never risk my heart like that again.

~~~~~~~~~~
What does it take for a blind man to see
That there's more there than just meets the eye
What are the ways that the magic comes in
That can turn a song into a sigh
Sometimes I think that I'm dreaming
Or maybe I'm going insane
Or maybe it's just that I'm falling in love again
~~~~~~~~~~

It was spring, the flowers were blooming, the sun was shining - and my senses had gone off the scale, nearly driving me insane. I convinced Simon that I needed some time off to go to the doctor, to get myself checked out. As I waited in the exam room for the results of my tests, this young kid walks in wearing glasses, a lab coat, and tennis shoes alleging to be Dr. McCoy. He claimed the correct Gaelic pronunciation was 'McKay'. He told me I didn't need tests, I needed information. He then proceeded to give me a rundown of my sensory spikes, adding one I hadn't mentioned in my original interview with the doctor - enhanced tactile response. He gave me a card and told me to go see the man. So I did.

Rainier University is a big campus, but it didn't take me long to find the Anthropology Department in Hargrove Hall. Finding the office of Blair Sandburg was a bit more of a challenge. When I did, 'Dr. McKay' confronted me; a young man with long hair, loud clothes, and incredibly blue eyes. It's strange, you know... I looked at this neo-hippie witchdoctor punk kid who was throwing all these fantastic theories at me, and I didn't know whether I should kiss him or arrest him for larceny and false impersonation of a medical professional. In the end, I did neither.

I think it started that same morning, when he threw me down as a garbage truck ran over us both. A few weeks later, he was living with me after his apartment was blown up courtesy of some drug dealers. I came downstairs the morning after his monkey... excuse me, 'Barbary ape', trashed the loft. Instead of a mess, I found everything clean and Blair doing this courtship ritual thing of cooking breakfast. I groused at him, not wanting him to know how much the gesture meant.

I saw more of what made this young man so special when he accompanied me back to Peru, even parachuting out of a plane despite his fear of heights, to help rescue Simon and his son, Daryl. He did it again, months later, when Dawson Quinn had kidnapped Simon. He trekked through the woods like a trooper, jumping off a cliff when we were threatened by a couple of poachers, and eventually taking a bullet in the leg. He risked his life on an offshore oil rig, helping me to overcome my fear of open water and aiding me in solving the case. I thought I'd lost him when he went to defuse a bomb on one of the lower levels. He could have left, saved himself, but his instinct was to rescue the other men trapped by our fugitives.

Talk about blind. How could I not see it? When I got dosed with the designer drug, Golden, and lost my sight temporarily, Blair was there beside me; guiding me, teaching me, helping me cope. When he ate the drug-laced pizza, my heart was in my throat. I could have lost him! God knows, there's more than one kind of blindness.

~~~~~~~~~~
Here I am standing beside you
Oh life's such a wonderful game
Look at me now; I'm falling in love
Look at me now; I'm falling in love
Look at me now; I'm falling in love again
~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Jim."

The soft words startle me and I turn to look at him. Those incredible blue eyes are smiling at me as he lays his broad, strong hand on my shoulder.

"Don't you think maybe you ought to come in? You'll catch your death of something if you stay out here much longer."

I turn and follow him inside. Maybe, just maybe, my life isn't as empty as I thought. Maybe there's a ray of sunshine behind those clouds. I see it shining in his eyes.

Look at me now; I'm falling in love again....

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