Pairing: Horatio/Archie
Rating: R
Category: POV, angst
Summary: Willpower vs. need. (Sequel to "No Words.")
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, much less these fine characters (if you know where I could buy them, please let me know *g*). I refuse to make any money off them in any event, so please don't sue me.
Notes: Fourth in a series, after Easy Terms , Precipitate, and No Words. Thanks to Cori and Ruth for reading the rough version, and to Ruth for keeping my mistakes from seeing the light of day. *g*
Spoilers: The Duchess and the Devil


Midsummer Night's Dream
by Nicole D'Annais
Copyright 2001




For all that we fight for England, we see precious little of her. The sight of her shores on the horizon is always a welcome one, a special homecoming for those of us who never know if we will ever again see that which we defend again when we go to fight on her behalf. I stared at the dark port in the distance, the ships docked there mere specks, and yet close enough to cause excitement, even for me.

The ship was buzzing with high-spirited talk, as expected. We'd fought a long, hard battle and managed to defeat a stronger foe. Furthermore, the damage sustained during the battle meant that not only were we coming back with prizes, we were also coming back to a shore leave of at least three weeks, likely a month or more.

"Lieutenant Hornblower, sir?"

I turned to see Midshipman Hawkins at my side. "Yes?"

"Captain Pellew's compliments, sir, and could you please attend him below?"

"On my way."

My knock on the captain's door was answered with a quick, "Enter."

"You wished to see me, sir?"

"Ah, yes, Mr Hornblower, come in." I closed the door behind me and stood, waiting for him to continue. "You have plans for your leave, I understand?"

"Yes, sir. I'm joining Mr Kennedy at a theatre festival."

The captain nodded. "Good," he said before shuffling through papers on his desk. "How does Mr Kennedy seem to you?" he asked at last.

*Tired. Exhausted.* "He seems fine, sir."

"You haven't noticed he seems fatigued?"

"Perhaps a little, but that is to be expected, considering his ordeal in Spain, is it not?"

"Indeed. But it is that ordeal that concerns me, Mr Hornblower."

He could not be thinking of taking Archie off active duty. "Sir, Mr Kennedy's attention to his duty has been--"

"Exemplary, yes, I know. But often with men such as Mr Kennedy, they work too hard after being away. In the end it is always worse for them." His eyes met mine. "I want you to watch over Mr Kennedy while you are on leave. See that he gets rest and that he is ready to return to his duties in a normal manner."

It was not a direct order, but it was an order all the same. "Yes, sir."

"Good. I believe we will be in port soon, so I'll let you return to your duties."

"Thank you, sir." I left without further comment and kept my sigh to myself until I was well out of Captain Pellew's earshot. Whatever insane part of my mind had agreed when Archie had asked me to spend the leave with him had certainly done me in this time. All of the valid excuses I'd come up with to get out of this festival were of no consequence now. I would go to Winsley and watch Archie closely, or I would answer to the captain.

And that was most assuredly not something I wanted to do.

~~~

No one could look as good sleeping as Archie Kennedy. I'm sure when I fall asleep my mouth hangs open, I snore and I generally look like a dumbstruck fool. But Archie can lean back against any surface and fall asleep instantly, and the whole while he will be close-mouthed and perfect. He had done just that within five minutes of our settling into the carriage and had slept for most of the journey.

I yawned, wishing again that I could sleep so easily. Despite the fact that I had slept poorly and felt as if I could not keep my eyes open, I found I could not fall asleep. I was only able to sit there, watching Archie sleep across from me as the carriage rolled through the countryside.

As if sensing my regard, or perhaps our impending arrival, Archie's eyes opened. "Are we there yet?"

"Another half hour, or so I expect. Feeling more rested?"

"Yes," he answered, stretching as best as the closed carriage allowed. "I feel as if I've gotten more sleep on this journey than in the last three months."

"Perhaps you have. You don't seem to have slept well since we rejoined the Indy."

His eyes shifted to stare out the window. "I have not slept well since leaving Spain," he agreed carefully. "I'm sure it will pass."

"If nothing else, the rest while we're on leave will do you good."

"We shall see." He yawned and closed his eyes again. "Wake me when we arrive?"

"Of course." With that, he fell back asleep, leaving me once more to study his sleeping talents until we reached our destination.

~~~

"AAARCHIEEEEEEE!"

I barely managed to hide a grimace as the shrill voice squealed Archie's name. Seconds later, however, I was glad that I was already composing my features, as the woman, thankfully finished screeching, launched herself into Archie's arms, kissing him soundly on the lips.

Archie had none of the issues I did with this woman treating him so familiarly. He hugged her and grinned, once she finally let him up for air. "Alice! It's been too long!"

"I'll say! You deserted us! We've not had a decent Puck since you ran off to play soldier."

"And I'm sure King George thanks you for the sacrifice, m'lady," he said as he put her down gently and made an elaborate bow.

Alice giggled. "Get on with you, then. Who's your friend?"

"Alice Parks, may I present Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower. Horatio, this is Alice Parks, one of the foremost actresses of the Draftmore Festival."

"Pleased to meet you, ma'am."

She giggled again and took us both by the arm, nearly dragging us into the main square. Archie seemed to know just about everyone, and they were all eager to greet him. I shuffled myself off to a corner to watch as he was tackled, hugged, clapped on the back and kissed more than once. Eventually he remembered me and made introductions, but I quickly became lost in the sea of names and faces. I knew from experience I would figure most of them out in a day or so, but for now I just smiled and nodded.

"Well," Alice said when the introductions were over, "have you had supper yet?"

"We have not," Archie responded. "We've been on the road since dawn to get here."

"Let's get you fed then!"

We followed her to a table covered with food, where Archie and I were ordered to have first pick. The others followed behind in a line, and soon we found ourselves seated on a low bench at a table facing Alice, a red-haired young man whose name I could not remember, and a young girl named Jilly. Between bites, Alice managed to find out most of Archie's immediate history--yes, he was staying for the whole festival; no, he had not been kicked out of the navy, we were merely on leave; and no, we did not have a room in town.

"I think we can find one for you at Marie's--Tuck and Mariah didn't come this year--she's indisposed for the summer--so there's one room if the two of you don't mind sharing."

"Not at all," I answered a little too quickly. The rest of the table noticed nothing, but Archie raised an eyebrow in my direction, and I knew he hadn't missed the speed of my response, nor had he likely missed the reason for it.

Alice pointed at Archie. "Don't you think for a minute you're getting out of here without performing, young man. We're doing Midsummer Night's Dream tonight--feeling up to playing Puck?"

"Not tonight--I can't even remember the lines!"

"Oh, it's like falling off a log; it'll come back to you. 'Those that Hobgoblin call you and sweet Puck, you do their work, and they shall have good luck: Are you not he?'"

"'Fairy, thou speak'st aright; I am...that merry wanderer of the night. I jest to...I jest to....' See? I can't even remember the rest."

She picked up her plate as she rose. "Fine, then, but you'd best be deciding what part you want and be reading up, because you'll be on that stage before the week's end, or else."

"I know better than to fight you," Archie said as he stood as well. "Come, Horatio, let's see about that room."

~~~

After procuring what appeared to be the only room in town, a small attic room that thankfully had two beds, we followed a group of people to a half-circle of benches surrounding one side of a large platform. "This is a theatre?" I asked quietly as we took seats a few rows from the stage.

"Have you never been to a play, Horatio?"

"Once. It was put on by the school where I grew up."

Archie stared at me. "You've never seen a real play?"

I could feel my ears burning and knew my face was probably pink. "No."

He laughed. "It's not a crime, Horatio; I was merely surprised."

His casual dismissal allowed me to relax as the sun dropped down enough in the sky that it no longer competed with the blaze of candles along the bottom of the platform--no, stage. As if the sun's disappearance was their cue, a group of actors walked out onto the stage.

By the end of the play, I understood Archie's fondness for theatre much more clearly than I had before. To lose oneself in a story so completely held a great deal of appeal, especially given all of the pressures of life. As I looked down at the light in Archie's eyes as he waited for my reaction, I wished the play would start over so I could lose myself again.

"Well? How did you like it?"

I cleared my throat. "It was wonderful. All these years of reading books and I never knew what I was missing by not seeing them acted out."

"That was better than a book, Horatio. It was Shakespeare."

As we headed out of the theatre, I laughed. "They do print Shakespeare in books, Archie."

"Well, yes, but it's not the same." He was practically vibrating with excitement, face flushed and blue eyes sparkling. "Shakespeare is meant to be alive, with spoken words and costumes, not printed. It's flesh and blood, not dry paper."

I had to tear my eyes away from him, so I looked ahead and realised a dance of sorts was beginning in the main square. "Is it like this every night here?"

"Only during the festival," Archie said. "The rest of the time it's just like any other place, more or less."

"You grew up near here?"

He shrugged. "Not too far. I spent a lot of time here in the summers, when I could get away. And my family scarcely saw me for the two weeks the festival was held."

"So Alice wasn't just teasing you about performing?"

"Oh, no. I played my fair share of parts over the years. And Puck was always mine, no matter what else we performed."

I could see why. The actor playing Puck in the performance we'd just seen was good, but there was a life about Archie that no acting could duplicate. I could picture him all too easily in the role. And I liked what I saw far too much. I needed to steer my mind back to safe ground. "So there is a dance. And then what?"

"Well...most everyone pairs off and leaves as the evening goes on until there's no one left by dawn."

"Seems quite the carefree way to live."

"It's the festival," he said, as if that explained everything. I must have looked confused, because he sighed and explained further. "These people live normal lives every day. But for a fortnight they can pretend to be someone else. It's a way of release, a time when anything and everything can happen." He stopped, facing me, blocking my way just a little so I had to stop as well. "A time when nothing is forbidden, and all is forgotten when it's over. If the parties choose to forget, that is."

Suddenly we weren't talking about the villagers any longer. We were dangerously close to having a discussion I could not have. "I wish I could live that way," I said carefully. "What a shame I was not raised here."

"It's never too late to start."

"Oh, I'm not so sure about that." I stepped around him and continued on to the dance. Archie had caught up with me by the time I reached the edge of the makeshift floor. He was instantly swept away by Alice, then another girl and another until I lost sight of him. I declined several requests to dance--apparently here it was also acceptable for women to proposition men. My protests that I was unfamiliar with the style of dance would work for tonight--but I supposed I would have to come up with something else, or learn quickly by tomorrow.

After two more dances, I grew weary of watching Archie go from partner to partner and wandered off into a quieter area not far from the square. My search for solitude was short-lived however; within minutes of taking a seat on a bench, Archie jumped over the back of it and landed beside me.

"Dancing a little too much for you?" he asked lightly.

"Just not familiar with these dances."

"You learn by doing, Horatio."

I nodded. "Perhaps tomorrow, when I've had some rest."

That brought a laugh from him. "Rest? The festival is not about rest!"

So much for my near-order to ensure he rested. I rose, taking a few steps away from him as I formed my words. "Surely you're tired, Archie? You've...."

He joined me, leaning a nearby tree. "I've what?"

"Well, you've seemed so tired these last few months onboard the Indy, since...since Spain. I wonder at your sudden burst of energy."

He grinned. "Perhaps it's the company. Or the place. Or both."

I had to smile. He did indeed look much younger and happier here--so much so that I wondered why he'd ever joined the navy in the first place.

"What amuses you?" he asked, his smile never wavering as he ducked under the tree limb.

"Nothing."

One corner of his mouth rose higher as we moved into more shadows. "Horatio Hornblower, smiling for no reason. Now that *is* a newsworthy event."

"I was simply thinking how happy you look here...and wondering why you chose to leave."

He gave a quick shrug as he wrapped his hand around a small tree trunk. "One can create happy memories anywhere," he said as he swung around the tree, stopping within an inch of running into me. "A Spanish prison can bring forth good memories given the right circumstances," he said quietly.

I swallowed, my collar suddenly uncomfortable, even without the wool jacket I was accustomed to. "Archie--"

"But," he continued as if I hadn't spoken, "I do have a number of my happiest memories from growing up in this place. For example, behind that building," he said, pointing to a small house to our left, "is where I received my first kiss. And over there, just beyond the theatre, is a lovely barn where I lost my virginity."

I did not want to ask--did not need to know. My mind, however, could not help but dwell on the woman who had been so happy to see him when we arrived. "In a barn?" I managed to get out around the question that burned at the back of my throat.

"Hay can be quite comfortable. She didn't seem to mind much either. And no, you haven't met her. She left for London several years ago."

He knew me entirely too well. "I didn't ask."

"No, but you wanted to."

It wasn't worth wasting the breath to lie to him. "You've kept in touch?"

"No. I found out through gossip the summer after she left when I came back for the festival." He leaned closer, so close I could feel his breath on my neck. "There is no competition here, Horatio."

I could not play this dangerous game anymore; I had neither the skill nor the training. I took two steps backwards and let out a breath. "When were you last here?"

Archie laughed softly, but he did not push further. "The summer before I joined the navy. I spent my last two weeks as a free man here, as a matter of fact."

"One last celebration before signing your life to King George for duty?"

"Something like that," Archie agreed as he sat down again. There were fewer lanterns here than in the main square, and the light flickered across his face in odd shapes, adding an air of mystery to his appearance. "So what did you do before you joined the navy, Horatio?"

"I...well, I read a lot, spent time with my father...nothing so exciting as this."

"No wild romances before shipping off?"

"I...no."

He leaned forward, studying me intently. "But here I've told you of my first kiss, and yet you've not mentioned yours."

"Indeed, I have not."

His foot tapped for a moment before he spoke again. "Well, I suppose I'll have to drag that information out of you one day," he said lightly. Almost too lightly--enough for me to wonder if he'd guessed the truth. If so, I would have to be much more careful. He had more than enough ammunition as it was; if he learned he'd been my first, there would be no way for me to hide from him.

"Anything to keep you on your toes," I said in a tone that matched his. "Shall we go back to the festivities?"

"By all means."

~~~

I drained the last of my ale and consulted my watch. Archie may have slept the day away in the carriage, but I did not, and I was in dire need of rest if I was to survive tomorrow, much less the next two weeks. I'd been tired as it was, and the amount of ale I'd drunk over the past hour had not helped. One more look at Archie dancing in the midst of the thinning crowd and I decided not to bother him with my departure. He wouldn't notice I was gone, I realised bitterly, nor was he likely to care. And if he did, then he would eventually realise where to find me.

It was easy to slip away, despite the fact that the group had dwindled to about half the size it had been earlier that evening. After two wrong turns, I found the room we'd rented and began preparing for bed, my movements slowed by fatigue and drink. I was nearly finished when I heard the door open behind me and turned to find Archie frowning as he closed the door.

"You could have said if you were tired. I would have come with you."

"I didn't want to disturb your fun," I replied as I searched for my gown. "You appeared to be enjoying yourself; there was no need to spoil your enjoyment because I was tired."

"I was only dancing, Horatio. I could have easily torn myself away."

I pulled the shirt out of my sack with a bit more strength than necessary, and the resulting sound of it ripping added to my aggravation. "Well, you seemed ready to stay for the duration," I replied.

When he didn't answer, I glanced up to find him fairly scowling at me, his arms folded in front of him. "You were enjoying yourself, Archie. I simply did not want to interrupt your fun. You deserve a rest, and if that is how you prefer to relax, I am not going to interfere." I went back to searching through my sack, though I needed nothing from it. "I'm surprised you're back so soon, actually. I expected you to end up...elsewhere."

"And where would I have gone?"

I did not need to look to know he'd barely opened his mouth to get that sentence out. Why he was angry, I had no idea. His life was his own; I was merely affording him the courtesy to live it. "With Alice, perhaps?"

My tone was not as light as I had hoped, and he noticed immediately. He pulled on my shoulder until I turned to face him again. He studied me for a moment before he smiled and stepped back. "I enjoy dancing much as I enjoy acting, Horatio," he said before pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it on his bed. "It's simply one more part to play. A fun part, but nothing more."

"You play it quite well."

I turned back to my sack, but he pulled my arm again, forcing me to look at him. When he was sure he had my attention, he stepped closer, until I could feel the heat from his skin. "I told you before, there is no competition here," he whispered, his breath hot on my neck.

Too late I realised that by leaving the dance I'd caused the very scene I wanted to avoid. There he stood, shirtless and close--entirely too close. I would barely have to move to put my arms around him and--

No. I could not allow myself be seduced. One more time would be Heaven; one more time would also be one step closer to not being able to give this up. We had ended it, and it had to stay that way.

Somehow I managed to turn my eyes back to my sack, refusing to take a step back and willing my body's eager reaction to Archie's proximity to stop showing itself quite so obviously. After a few seconds, he stepped closer to his bed and away from me. I let out a breath and placed my sack on the floor, climbing into the bed without bothering to change. Removing any clothing in that room could be dangerous.

I stared at the wall as I listened to Archie moving around behind me. A moment later the light went out and I heard him climb into his own bed. I'd half expected him to leave again, but minutes later, his breath evened out and I realised he'd fallen fast asleep.

It was a long time before I managed to do the same.

~~~

When I awoke, Archie was not in the room. I made my way downstairs, yawning despite my desire to appear well rested. I could hear noise in the distance; it sounded like most of the village was likely back in the square. "Do they eat every meal in the square?" I muttered to myself.

"Mostly, yes."

I froze at the sound of Archie's voice behind me. "I thought you were with the rest," I said, not turning around.

"I was waiting for you."

"That wasn't necessary. I'm sure you're anxious to see your friends."

"Horatio."

He waited until I finally turned to look at him. He was seated at a table a few feet away, and apparently he hadn't gotten the rest he needed. There were circles under his eyes, and on the table beside him I saw a book and a candle burned nearly to its base. "Did you get any sleep at all?"

"A little," he said, closing his book. "I was restless, so I decided to study lines."

"Lines?"

"Alice is not going to let me get away without playing Puck. The sooner I get it over with the better it will be for all of us."

I smiled. "It does not sound that painful from here."

"Of course not. You don't have to remember all the lines."

"No, I just get to watch."

He gave me a wicked grin. "You can watch me anytime you like." Before I could respond, he laughed and rose. "We should go get something to eat," he said as he walked past me. He stopped at the door and turned, a dark silhouette framed in bright sunlight. "Coming?"

"Yes, of course." I hurried to catch up with him, pushing aside my feelings and praying this day would be easier than the last.

~~~

I twisted in my seat for the fourth time in as many minutes. After three full days in this place, I was still not entirely comfortable around anyone--including Archie. The rest of the festival participants were kind and affable, but I could not entirely relax with them. I felt somewhat more comfortable around them when Archie was by my side, but that might have been as much because of the distraction he presented as anything else.

Three nights we'd slept in that small room together. Or at least pretended to sleep. The proximity was taking its toll--I now looked every bit as tired as Archie had when we left the Indy. And for all his gaiety around the group, his eyes were red, with permanent purple marks beneath them, and something more lurking deeper--hunger.

That hunger was the source of both of our sleepless nights--his hunger and an answering one deep inside myself. I could scarcely look in his direction when we were alone for fear that this dam that held my emotions in check would shatter and I would be lost.

I was beginning to wonder why being lost in him would be so bad.

I shifted again and watched as the sun dipped behind the horizon. The play would start any moment, and I would see Archie on stage for the first time. Thought it would not, I suspected, be the first time I'd seen him acting.

The play was as good as it had been a few nights before, the language almost playful, reminding me of the way Archie spoke sometimes. My attention, however--along with other emotions--heightened at the words, "How now, spirit; whither wander you?" The voice was unmistakably Archie's, but there was a quality to it unlike anything I'd heard before. It was almost otherworldly; a fitting voice for such a character.

After his entrance, I found myself so enthralled I was surprised when it was suddenly over, the loud crash of applause jarring at the end of Puck's last sweet words. I followed several others onto the stage, but as I approached Archie, I found myself hesitant. Then he turned and smiled, and he was Archie again, despite the face paint and costume.

"Did you like it the second time?" he asked, still grinning.

"I did indeed." I leaned closer and lowered my voice. "I believe you could easily put that other Puck out of a job."

Archie laughed. "If King George ever gives me up, perhaps I'll come back and do so."

"Seriously, Archie, you were...you were someone else completely. It was amazing."

He bowed with a flourish. "Thank you, kind sir. But now, I must get this stuff off my face. And perhaps change into some more appropriate clothing. Will you wait for me?"

"Of course." I watched him go, too appreciative of the tight fitting costume for my own peace of mind. But then I hadn't really had much peace of mind since finding Archie in Spain.

Somehow, tonight, peace of mind had suddenly become far less important than other things.

~~~

Once again, I watched as Archie danced with various women. This time, however, I noticed how his eyes seemed to spend as much time watching me as whomever he was partnering. I drained my third ale, wondering if the heat I was feeling was from the spirits, or from something else. Half way through my refill, Archie joined me, breathing heavily from the dance, and I knew the answer.

I wanted him.

Whether he sensed it, or he was tired of waiting, I haven't a clue, but he looked at me for a long moment before taking the glass out of my hand and placing it on the table beside us. "Archie...."

His hand caught my fingertips, turning me away from the dancers. "Come hither," he said softly, leading me away from the square. When we were out of sight, he pulled me to him. "I am here," he whispered, laying the briefest of kisses on my lips.

The dam broke.

I haven't any idea how we made it to our room, but before I could think again, we were naked and on my bed, all but devouring each other. I was lost in a place I never wanted to leave. The brief question of how I would be able to leave it yet again surfaced, but was quickly lost in desire and need. It was as if my whole body were on fire, and Archie both fanned the flames and kept them from causing pain at the same time, and it was all the more dear for knowing how it felt to give this thing between us up.

Ages later, we lay side by side, catching our breath as our bodies cooled. I could hear the dancing from the square far off in the distance and realised the window was open. I wondered for a moment if we'd been loud, if anyone had heard, then decided it would not matter. This was the festival. The echo of Archie saying very nearly the same words the day we arrived made me laugh.

"What?" He raised his head off my shoulder to look at me.

"Nothing. Just thinking about how quickly one's perceptions can change."

He smiled. "Ah. But the real question is...can one's perceptions *stay* changed?"

I shrugged, suddenly tired and happy and unwilling to think about the real world. "Let's not think about that now," I said, rubbing my entire body against him as I settled more comfortably in the bed. "This is the festival, is it not? A time to be what we cannot elsewhere?"

His smile faded for a second, returning so quickly I wondered if I'd imagined the brief change. "Think but this, and all is mended--That you have but slumb'red here, while these visions did appear."

I smiled at the lines I recognised from the play. "A dream, then?"

"A wonderful dream." His head rested on my shoulder once more, one of his hands exploring my body idly. "But what happens when we awake?"

"We worry about the future. But I'd prefer to sleep a little longer," I murmured, pulling his head to mine. We were quickly lost again in each other, and I put aside the question, banishing it to the back of my mind until it was lost in the bright blaze of passion, and all I knew was this: If this were a dream, I wanted to sleep forever.

---
END


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