TITLE: "BLACK ROSES"

AUTHOR: Gabriele Lamm-Deiss

Stands alone - but follows "Big Balls

Black Roses
by Gabriele Lamm-Deiss

Friday, February 14th, Valentine's Day, Frank Parker's office, NNL:

Somebody had left a small crystal vase with three wonderful long-stemmed roses on his desk. Against the vase leaned a small white envelope, unlabeled but sealed up to guarantee that nobody unauthorized would open it and read the content - nobody except the very special recipient.

Frank Parker frowned, took the letter, flopped onto his chair and tore open the envelope. Unfolding the letter suddenly a completely astonished and embarrassed expression appeared on his face. It hit him like the impact of a bullet! The handwriting! He was deeply moved when he started reading the lines, carefully written in this well-known small and accurate letters:

My love,

I have to write this down because after all I am not able to look into your wonderful jade green eyes and overcome myself to speak these words aloud. I am not able to stand face to face with you! I don't want you to see the tears in my eyes! But while I'm trying to write this down I have to realize that there are no words existing, which could express what I am feeling - that everything I am writing is just a stupid scribbling, a childish attempt to express my emotions. But there is something scaring me to death! What if
tomorrow never comes? Would he know how much I care?

I hope you forgive me for being so blunt but I have to try to tell you!

From the very moment I saw you first I fell in love with you! You stood there - nonchalantly leaning against the iron railing of the sphere's platform, waving a "hello - welcome to the team!" What could I do when lightning stroke me!

The only thing I could do was staring at you - openmouthed and blushing deeply! Just one single thought flashed through my mind: "O my God how beautiful he is!"

And then - we became friends! I didn't even dare to think that this could happen! I was on could number nine! Frank Parker - my friend! Sometimes you used to hang around with me - the freaky boy! Watching videos or playing chess, draping yourself lazily onto my couch - next to me! And the inadvertent coincidental touches - electrifying me - every fiber of my body reverberating when we reached for the popcorn or the remote control of the VCR and our hands met or we sat there and a slight movement, a shifting of your body into a more comfortable position and our thighs touched! A sensational never known feeling raced through my entire body - echoing in every fiber - a stream of molten iron in my veins!

I was glad to be with you - just to sit there with you, to watch you smile, to watch even the faintest movement of your beautiful body! I never dared to hope that there could be more - that we could be more than friends! Lovers!

And then came heaven! The evening you dropped by! O my God! First my world seemed to collapse, I seemed to drown - losing the ground underneath my feet as if somebody had pulled away the tablecloth underneath the china – I thought this would be the end! But then ... You kissed me! Your lips touched
mine - so gently - so lightly - a touch of a feather - ... A deep kiss ... you made me melt away - transferred me to a helplessly addicted mass of pure desire and devotion - liquid burning lava - you re-formed me with your hands and lips and when we made love I was like wax in your hands! O how I wanted you to possess me, to use me like a whore, to take me hard and fast! In the darkest corners of my mind I prayed that you'd abuse me, slap me and I would have gladly whispered: "Please sir, I want some more!" O God you are too gentle, too honest and too much a passionate but tender lover for doing that!

Please take these three black roses - each one standing for a month with you! A month of my life you made me the happiest human being on earth – and together the saddest human being! This is my Valentine's gift for you! These roses - their color the deepest red - almost black! They show how much I
love you - how deep my love is - as deep as the red of these roses! Their color darker than red - darker than the color of blood - standing for my love and my endless grief that this is over now! You gave me the most precious and wonderful three months of my life - pure and true bliss!

You promised to play no MIND GAMES and you demanded that I promised too! I would have promised everything if that had meant that I would be with you! You kept your promise and I kept mine! You never played mind games – you never abused me as a toy, a moody eccentricity - a pure sexual adventure,
simply satisfying sexual nosiness! From the start on you have been honestly telling me the cruel truth - this couldn't be forever and I accepted - unconditional - because that meant I would be with you - no matter how long or short the time would be! It was only for a short time - three months of borrowed bliss! But I got the chance and I grabbed it with both hands! My dream came true! I made love to you - I could show you how much I love you - I could touch you, smell the scent of your perfect skin, taste you, put my
lips on every square inch of your body, swallow your honey sweetness relishing the precious taste and listen to your cries of pleasure - in my ears the most wonderful sound on earth! Feeling you inside me - completed me - made me whole - I was yours - entirely - my body belonged to you – the angels embraced me, your breath - so hot, so rapid - brought life to me - when you reached fulfilling in our love act - you gave my life sense – you made me feel alive - I was swept away by passion - like a grain of sand by
the ocean tide!

O Baby tell me, does she hold you, soothe you, love you, kiss you and rock you like I did? I would beg, steal and lie for you; I would sell my soul to the Devil, kill and die for you! Tell me, does she love you like I do? Does she catch you when you're falling? I knew I'd never be the only one – there are others who want to possess you, to obsess you - to abuse you - to love you!

Please, Frank, forgive me! I wanted to bribe you! I wanted you to never go away! I wanted this to last forever - till the end of days! But I couldn't! Not with my words. Not with the roses! I know even if I'd tried I'd never succeed! You are the most honest, proudest and bravest man I've ever met! You are my angel! My true love! And I know as long as I can say you are my friend - though you'll never be my lover anymore - no harm, no foul will ever happen to me!

I just want to thank you for being my friend!

I just want to thank you for honesty and fairness! You never played foul! You never broke a rule!

I just want to thank you for being my lover!

I just want to thank you for the past three months!

I just want to thank you for considering me being your friend - and not only the freaky boy - just like the pizza guy next door - delivering what you wanted, what you needed - the pizza "Capriccioso" lovingly decorated with my heart, body and soul!

I just want to thank you that you gave me security and you will always do! The security and guarantee that you are my friend come what may! I can rely on you, I can give my life into your hands - even if this means you will never share my bed again - you will always be my friend!

I just want to say "sorry"! I am so sorry that I couldn't give you what you wanted and needed - what you were looking for! Sorry seems to be the hardest word!

It's over now! I accept this too though my heart is aching and the grief is tearing me apart! I love you - I'll always do but I cherish your friendship - I just want to thank you for the most precious gift I've ever gotten!

Sincerely and deeply yours,

Andy

For a very long moment Frank Parker sat there - just holding the letter in his hands - absentminded staring at the roses! He could hear his heart break - sadness wrapped her arms around him and then after a sheer endless seeming period of time a weak smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and a whisper escaped between his lips:

"I've always been and I'll always be ... your friend!"


THE END