Copyright: June 2001 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: A husband is......

Author: Robin R. Neher

E-mail: NRobin1027@aol.com

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Roy/Joanne

Archive: Yes

Summary: When Roy is called into work on the eve on his and Joanne's romantic getaway, Joanne goes on vacation, alone and Roy explores his true feelings for Joanne.

Content Warning: Harsh language. Graphic M/F sex

A husband is......
by Robin R. Neher

Joanne DeSoto buzzed around her house, full of excitement as she waited for her husband to finish his packing. Just then, the phone rang and Roy answered.

"Okay, Sir, I'm sorry too." Joanne heard Roy say. "My wife was really looking forward to this."

With that, Joanne's bubble burst as Roy hung up.

"Honey-" Roy began.

"Don't, Roy!" Joanne hissed, then slapped her husband's face. "How could you?!"

With that, Jo ran, crying, upstairs. A second later, Roy followed to get ready to leave for the station. As he changed, Joanne wouldn't look at Roy.

"Honey, I'm sorry, but Brice is out sick and Johnny's in Montana, Duty calls. That's life!" Roy said.

"And I get thrown away." Joanne wept. "We've been planning this for over a month, Roy! Now, on the day we're to leave, you go to work! You don't want to be with me! You never have! Well, I hope you die in a fire!"

Roy looked like he'd been slapped at that remark. He then turned and headed downstairs, but before he did, he turned back.

"Joanne, I can't help the demands of my job." Roy said, coldly. "I can't just leave a fellow fireman without a partner just so you can have your precious trip to Hawaii. You said you hope I die in a fire, well, you'd better be careful what you wish for, Lady, cause you just might get it! I'm outta here!"

With that, Roy stomped downstairs and a second later, the slam of the front door was heard and Jo knew that her plans were ruined.
________

A few hours later, Dixie McCall was working at Rampart Emergency when she got a suprise visit from Joanne.

"Jo, I thought you'd be on vacation right now." Dix said.

"So did I." Joanne shook her dark head. "Roy had to go to work!"

"That's too bad." Dix sympathized. "What are you gonna do now?"

"Who knows? I had all these plans. I got a sitter, I even bought a new swim suit!" Jo hissed. "All for nothing!"

"Jo, don't say that." Dixie soothed. "You can still have fun without Roy. Why not cash in the plane tickets and rent a beach house here? Why don't you and I have some fun together?"

"Dix, I couldn't do that!" Joanne protested. "That would crush Roy!"

"Joanne, you can show Roy that you can go on vacation without him!" Dix insisted. "This would be a great opportunity for you and I to do girl stuff with no men or kids around!"

"It would serve that husband of mine right!" Jo snickered. "Ditch me does he? I'll show him!"

"You tell him, Jo!" Dix smiled. "I hope Roy is as lonely as can be now. I hope he's crying cause he missed a chance at a beautiful state like Hawaii."

"We leave tonight?" Joanne smiled.

"As soon as I get off!" Dix grinned.
______

Later that night, Joanne DeSoto taped a note to the front door of her house, telling Roy she was taking her own vacation with Dixie and that he wasn't invited. She also left out where she and Dix would be staying and didn't leave Roy anyway of contacting her. Jo smiled as she skipped out to Dixie's loaded station wagon, put her luggage in the trunk, the got in beside Dixie.

"Ready?" The blond nurse grinned.

"Let's get the hell outta here, Dix!" Joanne grinned as the station wagon raced off with two happy women inside.

_________

Later, after midnight, Joanne and Dixie were laughing as they sat by a campfire, on the beach outside their rented beachouse in Malibu.

"Dix, do you know how long it's been since I've done anything for myself?" Joanne smiled. "It's been ages!"

"So, my little idea worked, huh?" Dix grinned.

"I'll say! It's beautiful here!" Jo smiled. "I know if Roy were here right now, he'd be bitching that it's too hot or too cool or complaining that it's too quiet or it costs too much."

"Real homebody, huh?" Dix smiled.

"Dix, Roy has never been outside of the state of California!" Jo laughed.

_____

The next morning, when he arrived home from work, Roy found Joanne's note on the door and was devested.

She could've waited! An angry and hurt Roy thought as he read the note over and over. Oh, well, screw her! I didn't wanna go to Hawaii anyway! What's it got that we don't have right here in LA? Why do women want us to take them to those damn tourist traps anyway?

Roy crumbled up the note, then made his way inside his home.

Okay, if Joanne and Dix can go on vacation together, so can the guys and I! A smiling Roy thought to himself. Maybe three weeks apart will be good for Joanne and I! We've done nothing but fight over this vacation! Maybe separate vacations is the way to go.

Roy snickered as he dialed Johnny's home number. He grinned even wider when Johnny answered on the first ring.

"Johnny? Roy. Listen, how would you like to go on a guy's vacation in the mountains?" Roy asked, into the receiver. "You would? Great!"

***

One hour later, Roy and the rest of station 51's A-shift were all piled in the Edsel, belonging to Cap's wife.

"So, how was Montana?" Roy asked Johnny, who sat to his left in the Edsel's back seat.

 "Lousy!" Johnny answered. "Had another fight with dad over why I didn't become a rancher like him and my brothers! Why I even bother going, I don't know! From the minute I walked in the door of my father's house, the fighting started!"

"That's too bad." Roy replied, sympathetically. "Join the club. My father and I never got along."

"Same here." Hank replied as he drove. "My father can't stand the fact that I'm a Captain while he's still an Engineer."

"Has he ever tested for Captain?" Mike Stoker asked.

"Yeah, three times." Cap replied. "How come you're not with Jo, Roy?"

"Oh, she got mad when I got called into work! While I was at the station, she and Dixie McCall decided to take their own vacation!" Roy told his comrades. "That's okay though. I didn't wanna go to Hawaii anyway."

"Why not? It's pretty there, Roy. I went last year and had a ball." Johnny reminded his friend.

"Yeah, but I just don't see spending that kind of money just to sit on some beach and get sunburned." Roy answered. "I can do that in Los Angeles!"

"Yeah!" Chet Kelly agreed from the back seat, next to Marco Lopez. "Why pay money just to do something that you can do in your own back yard?"

"I agree." Marco put in. "Besides, Roy and Joanne aren't kids anymore. Roy can't just leave his job on her whim. He's got a family to provide for and a partner that needs him."

"But doesn't Joanne need him too?" Mike asked from his seat next to Cap. "Joanne has needs, just like any wife! It's not the trip itself she wanted. She wants Roy. She wants his undivided attention and love."

"Oh come on!" Chet scoffed. "Joanne can meet her needs with porn like everyone else does!"

______

Two days later, Joanne and Dixie were walking the sands on their private beach.

"You know, Dix, I think I may be a part of the problem with Roy." Joanne said out of the blue. "I mean, look at the way I act at home. Roy leaves socks or dirty underwear around, I pick them up. He wants to eat, I fix him a meal. When he comes in from work, I have his paper and his breakfast ready."

"Classic enabler." Dix grinned.

"Roy thinks that because he works 24 hours at a time, that entitles him to treat me like a servant. Well, no more!" Joanne stated determinedly. "When Roy comes home, He'll find himself kicked to the curb!"
_____

Three weeks later, Roy was greeted by the sight of his stuff on the front porch and all the locks changed.

"Hello, Roy." Joanne greeted him coolly. "I take it you know that you are not welcome here."

"Honey," Roy began. "Baby-,"

"It's Joanne. Honey and Baby are terms of endearment." Jo cut him off. "When we first were married, you'd write me love letters or bring me a rose. Just something to let me know you loved me."

"I do love you!" Roy pleaded.

"No, Mr. DeSoto. Those are just words. Damn useless words." Joanne replied, her face expressionless. "What you don't seem to get is that I'm your wife, not your maid, doormat, or problem solver. I'm not here to be your caretaker or wet nurse. I'm here to share your life as an equal partner for that's what marriage is supposed to be about."

Roy hung his head as Joanne waited for his reaction.

"Jo, what can-" Roy began.

"What can you do to make up for the loss of my dream trip?" Jo guessed. "You can't. You don't know how you hurt me and you never will. You never listen, Roy, cause you're never here. You make promise after promise to the kids that you never keep. I'm here to tell you that the kids and I can live just fine without you or your money. We don't need you, so hit the road, Jack."

With that, Jo took of her wedding ring and placed it in Roy's palm.

"When you grow up, I''ll proudly wear that again." Jo told Roy, then went back inside her home.

A stunned and hurt Roy collected his things and put them in the back of his truck. He then got in and drove off in search of a new home.

_____

The next day, Roy returned to work. When Johnny arrived, he could tell Roy was not in a good mood, so he took his uniform into the latrine to change. When Chet arrived, Roy tore into him.

"How could you?!" Roy angrily demanded of the short man.

"Roy, what are you talking about?" Chet replied.

"These!" Roy yelled, holding up a stack of porno tapes. "Joanne packed these in my things when she kicked me to the curb!"

"Look, Pal, I just gave those tapes to Jo cause she sure wasn't getting satisfaction from you!" Chet growled. "Roy, if you'd get your head out of your fat ass, you'd see just how lonely, neglected and used Joanne feels! You treat her like scum on your shoe! I wouldn't treat a dog the way you treat her!"

"Hey, what's all the yelling about?" Asked Mike Stoker.

"Roy's wife threw him out of the house." Chet told the Engineer.

"Well, good for her." Mike smiled. "Joanne deserves better."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Roy demanded.

"Hey, Chet, I think I'll go over and show Joanne what a real man is." Mike teased. "Wanna come?"

"Sure, maybe Roy should come too. Maybe he can learn a thing or two from us single guys." Chet laughed.

"You SOBs!" Roy yelled, advancing on the two men. "If you touch her-!"

"Which is more then I can say you've done." Mike laughed, then went for coffee in the kitchen, followed by Chet.

"Johnny!" Roy yelled.

"What?" John replied, coming out of the bathroom while he buttoned his work shirt.

"What did you tell those guys?!" Roy demanded. "Are you happy that I got kicked out of my home?!"

"She threw you out? Gee, Roy, I'm real sorry to hear that." Johnny sympathized.

"Johnny, Am I wrong?" Roy asked, sitting down on the lockeroom bench.

"About what?" Johnny replied.

"To want Joanne to take care of me?" Roy asked. "After all, I'm the man."

"Roy, can I be honest with you?" Johnny asked, sitting down beside Roy.

"Shoot." Roy encouraged.

"Roy, you are a sexist and childish person." Johnny stated. "You treat Joanne as if her only purpose in life is to serve you and raise your kids."

"Isn't that a wife's duty?" Roy asked.

"Boy, are you a cave man!" Mike laughed as he and the rest walked away.

Later that night, Roy checked into a motel. As he sorted through his clothes, Roy grew even angrier.

Not a fucking clean thing to wear! Roy thought. No dinner, no paper, no slippers! Women!

____

Two days later, Roy arrived for work, only to find his uniforms dirty and wrinkled.

"Roy, care to explain?" Hank asked.

"Sir, I don't have a women." Roy replied.

"Roy, you have two hands! You are capable of doing for yourself!" Cap yelled. "Now, get those uniforms up to snuff!"

"Yes, Sir." Roy answered.

Roy grabbed one uniform and taking it into the latrine, washed it out in the sink. As he was about to take it to the dryer in the station's utility room, the tones sounded.

Squad 51 with engine 86, unknown type rescue, 100 Centre Street. 100 Centere Street, timeout: 08:10.

"LA, please respond another squad to that location." Johnny requested. "We are unable to handle emergencies at this time. Squad 51, out of service."

10-4, Squad 51. LA Came back. Squad 110 in place of squad 51, respond with engine 86, unknown type rescue, 100 Centre Street. 100 Centere street, timeout: 08:16.

"Guys, I'm sorry." Roy said.

"You're sorry!?" Hank roared. "Imagine how sorry that victim's gonna be if squad 110 doesn't get there in time! You could've already been there, but no, all because of you wanting somebody to do for you what you can do yourself! Dammit, DeSoto, even I do my own laundry!"

With that, Cap stalked away toward his office.

"Gage, see if you can help your partner get at least halfway dressed!" Cap commanded, then slammed his office door shut.

_____

"Boy, he was pissed!" Roy shook his head.

"Can you blame him?" Johnny asked. "When you come to work, you should have clean uniforms and be ready to go to work. It's not fair to make me or the other guys take care of you! It's not fair to expect that of Joanne either."

"Johnny, a woman is supposed to put her man first. That's the way I was raised." Roy sobbed. "Is it wrong for me to want to provide for my family?"

"No, Roy, as long as the division of labor is equal." Johnny told him. "You should do your part of the housework too, not put it all on Jo. You expect her to be a slave to your every whim! You expect her to just stay at home and be happy with two kids that she's raising! Your kids!"

"Junior, you don't know what goes on in my home!" Roy yelled.

"No, but I see a wife who's had a burden on her shoulders for too long! She's had to deal with two little kids and one big one!" Johnny yelled. "You're an overgrown little boy and a bum! A no good, worthless, bum!"

Roy paled at those words.

"Roy, either you get yourself together or Joanne may make your banishment permanent!" Johnny warned. "A wife can only take so much, Pally. Think about it. You claim to love Jo, but unless she starts seeing it, she may go to someone else. Hell, I may ask her to marry me!"

Roy reeled at Johnny's words. He started to cry as realization sunk in. Johnny walked away, leaving Roy to cry alone.

______

As morning faded to afternoon, it found Roy, sitting alone in the dorm. There had been few calls and the others had left Roy alone for the most part. He'd never felt so alone in his life nor so lost. For Roy DeSoto, there was no life without his Joanne. Yet, Roy couldn't help but think that Jo kicking him to the curb was a good thing.

I was such a fool! Roy realized. A damn fool was I! Here I was trying to love Joanne when I don't even know who I am or what I want! You can't love another without first loving yourself!

Roy's thoughts were interrupted by Johnny entering the dorm.

"Hey, Pally, lunchtime." John grinned.

"I'm not hungry." Roy replied, quietly. "You guys go on and eat."

Johnny just turned and left the dorm, knowing that to argue with Roy right then would be unwise. Once he was gone, Roy returned to his thoughts. As the hours passed, Roy slipped into a world of his own, the guys nor the station no longer existed. All Roy had now was himself. There was nobody for him to depend on now. Nobody to cook or clean. All there was left was Roy Alan DeSoto.

As the night turned into the next day and Roy got off duty, he was the first out of the station, leaving without so much as a so long to the other guys. Roy kept right on driving right out of LA. He didn't know where his journey would take him, but Roy DeSoto was intent on finding himself, no matter where the white line led.

Back at 51's, Johnny smiled as he watched Roy leave through the window of his mind.

Safe journey, Pally. John prayed for his best friend. I hope you find your answers.
____

The next day found Roy in his hometown of Norwalk, California. As he drove through the small town, memories flooded Roy's mind. As Roy looked on, he was taken back in time. His first stop was at the town's hall of records. Going inside, Roy was able to get a copy of his birth certificate. Roy then drove to the orphanage where he'd spent his first year of life.

Young Roy was adopted from St. John's home for children at one year of age by Mario and Harriet DeSoto. He'd been named Royal Alan after both of his adoptive Grandfathers. Mario, being of Spanish descent, spoke of his native Spain often and insisted that young Roy, as the boy came to be called, learn the Spanish language and culture.

Harriet DeSoto had been a nurse at a hospital nearby before marrying Mario. Roy remembered his father as a demanding, controlling man who would spank his Son til bruised for the slightest wrongdoing. As the boy reached five years of age, his Parent's relationship become increasingly volatile and abusive. Things came to a head just before Roy's sixth birthday, when Mario pushed Harriet down a flight of stairs, breaking her neck.

Mrs. DeSoto was hopitalized for months while Mario fled. When his mother returned home months later, she took young Roy to live with her parents, Alan and Shirley young, then retreated into drinking and drugs as a way of relieving her pain.

_____

SIX WEEKS LATER...........

Roy returned to LA, ready to try and work things out with Jo. As he drove toward his former home, Roy thought of all he'd learned in Norwalk. While there, Roy and his father had reunited and Mario had helped Roy to understand his troubles with his own wife.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Roy heard Mario say in his mind. Marriage is about give and take. Women have dreams, Roy. Joanne's was Hawaii. Is it wrong for her to want to be first on your list of priorities? I only wish your mother had been with me. I loved her so, but like you, I buried myself in work.

As Roy reflected back on that day at the retirement home, Roy began to realize that he was more like his father than he'd realized.

I became a slave to my job. Roy realized as he pulled into his former driveway.

A second later, the front door of the house opened and Joanne came out to Roy's truck and up to the driver's window.

"Where have you been?" Joanne asked.

"In Norwalk." Roy quietly replied. "I saw my father. He and I talked about things."

"That's good." Jo answered just as quietly. "Is there something you wanted?"

"Just to talk." Roy answered. "I didn't come here to beg you to take me back. I know I've made some mistakes. All I ask is that you don't hate me for them."

"Roy, I never hated you." Jo assured him. "I did resent your job. I still do. You see, when a girl dreams, she dreams of her wedding day. She dreams of her friends and family there as she and her groom walk down the isle and say I do. Me, after the rings were on, you were called into work."

Roy nodded.

"I know that when you're called in, it's an emergency, but sometimes, I can't help but wonder whether you just want to avoid being with me, understand?" Jo asked. "Do I scare you, Roy?"

"No. I scare me." Roy replied. "I'm scared of failing you. I do my best, but it never seems enough. I just wonder if we were ever meant to be. Maybe our marriage is a mistake."

"That's what I've been thinking too and I hate myself for thinking it." Joanne admitted. "Maybe love alone just isn't enough."

"Honey, don't blame yourself. I didn't give you reason to believe in my love." Roy said, softly. "Remember I told you how abusive my dad was to my Mom?"

Joanne nodded.

"In Norwalk, I saw myself in my Dad!" Roy said as he began to cry. "Oh, my God! I'm just like him!"

"You never once struck me." Joanne soothed.

"What I did was worse!" Roy sobbed. "I was emotionally and psychologically abusive! That's worse than physical abuse! Jo, I'm so sorry!"

"Honey, I was no better." Jo soothed. "My mother was the same way with my dad that I was with you. Always had the Honey-do list out everytime he came home from work. He never had a penny of his paycheck for him."

"Jo, let's not blame our folks for our problems." Roy suggested. "The question is, how do we repair our love? Can it be repaired?"

"And what about the kids?" Joanne wondered. "Is it right for them to be living with parents that fight all the time?"

"And what are we teaching them about marriage and relationships?" Roy asked. "When they're married, are they gonna be like we are now?"

"Not if we show them that we can make our marriage work." Jo replied. "Roy, I need you here, with me."

"Jo, maybe down the road, but right now, my coming home would not be in yours or the kid's best interests. I'll find an apartment close to the station and we can meet for dinner or lunch once a week if you like, but I think it's best that we live apart for awhile. There's just so much hurt and anger between us right now that it's just too dangerous for us to be in the same house."

"I understand." Jo replied, somewhat sadly. "Roy, I do love you. I hope you know that."

"I love you too." Roy sniffled, then hugged Joanne in a tight embrace and she him.

Both cried for the mistakes that they'd made and for their broken love. After a few minutes, Roy kissed Jo good-bye, then left to begin his new life, unsure of his and Joanne's future together.

___

SIX MONTHS LATER........

Roy DeSoto was adjusting to a life without his Jo and their kids. He was living in a third floor apartment not far from station fifty-one. He had learned to do all the things Joanne had always done for him. He was even cooking his own meals. The one thing Roy could not accept however was the sheer loneliness he felt.

The loneliness was like a cloud that hung over him when he was alone in his small apartment. Johnny saw how depressed Roy was and suggested that he start dating six months to the day after Roy had last seen Joanne.

"Johnny, I love Joanne. I could never do that to her." Roy replied as he and John changed for work in the station's lockeroom. "Joanne is dating Burt Dwyer."

"So? Why can't you date too?" Johnny asked. "You and Joanne are not together right now."

"I am lonely." Roy admitted. "I've never been with anyone but Jo though."

"This could be what you need!" John encouraged his best friend. "You and Jo have never been with anyone but each other! You could learn from being with other women!"

"Maybe I could at that." Roy agreed. "But whom should I ask for a date?"

"Well, how bout Dixie McCall?" Johnny suggested. "She's a good friend. You know her."

"I wonder if Jo and Dwyer-" Roy trailed off.

"Roy, if she and Dwyer are screwing each other, what business is it of yours?" Johnny asked. "You're separated and anything they do is between them."

______

Meanwhile, in the apartment of Burt Dwyer, Joanne DeSoto was laying in his arms, her head against his chest. She had spent the night there.

"Hmmm." She purred. "Last night was wonderful."

"You're the one who made it that way." Blond haired, blue eyed Burt smiled, his mustache twitching. "Roy never gave you nights like that?"

"Roy never gave me anything. He's always been about Roy. Roy's about as romantic as a wet blanket." Jo said, putting her finger on Burt's lips. "You, on the other hand-"

Joanne kissed Burt deeply as he gathered her in his arms. As he groaned, he rolled over on top of her. His penis was rock hard again and he slowly slid inside her.

"Burt!" Joanne screamed, her body wrapped in a wave of pleasure as he rocked in and out of her, thrusting as hard as he could.

As he did this, Burt planted kisses all over his lover's body. Jo shivered in delight as she kissed him with a need that matched his. For the first time in a long time, Joanne Marie Parker DeSoto felt loved, cherished and not that she was just there to be a housewife and raise kids. She was gonna, for once in her life, do something for her and just for her. As for Roy, she thought he could jump off a bridge for all she cared.

____

Back at station fifty-one, Roy had just finished latrine duty and joined Johnny as he inventoried the squad before the first run of the shift. To Johnny, Roy seemed really down.

"Johnny, tell the truth. Was I a shitty husband to Jo?" Roy asked as he sat down on the squad's running board.

"Roy, I can't answer that." Johnny sighed. "Only you can answer that."

"You're right," Roy sighed. "I wish Joanne would at least agree to a meeting. I don't expect much, I just want us to talk and see if we can't work things out, for pur kid's sake."

"No, Pally, this can't be about the kids. This has to be about you and Jo. You both have to decide whether the marriage is worth saving or if it'd be better for you two to go your separate ways."

"Trouble is, Jo and I have been married a long time." Roy told John. "I don't wanna throw that away."

"I understand that, but are you in love with Jo or are you just using her as a crutch cause you don't wanna be alone? Think about it." Johnny suggested. "Nobody should stay married solely for the kids."

"I don't want them to think I hate their Mom." Roy admitted. "I don't want them to think their Mom hates me either."

"It doesn't have to be that way." Johnny advised. "A divorce can be amicable. People do it all the time. You and Jo can still be friends, if not husband and wife."

"Jo and I were fighting all the time before the separation." Roy told Johnny. "Mostly over little things."

"I know." Johnny revealed. "I can tell everytime you're here the day after. You bite my head off."

"I'm sorry, John." Roy smiled. "I guess something has to be done or things are gonna be affected on the job."

"So? What are you gonna do?" Johnny inquired.

"I'm gonna ask Joanne to come here." Roy decided, then went to the phone to call her.

**

Around lunchtime, Joanne arrived for their talk. Roy took the squad out of service, then took Joanne to the camper out back of the station. Once there, both paced, waiting for the other to speak. Both Roy and Joanne were grappling with their feelings.

"Jo, I love you." Roy blurted, on the verge of tears. "I know you and Dwyer have been seeing each other."

"Are you hurt?" Jo quietly asked.

"I just want you to be happy." Roy replied, his voice tight with sobs. "If you're not with me, I understand. I can't blame you. If you want me to let you go, I will."

"Roy, I'm in love with Dwyer. I have been for awhile." Jo stated. honestly. "He loves me too."

"I'll file divorce papers." Roy replied. "I love you, but if you love him, go to him. I will not interfere in any way."

"Thank you." Jo smiled. "Maybe we're better off as friends."

"Yeah." Roy agreed. "Honey, what happened to us? We used to not be able to keep our hands off each other."

"I know. We were kids then. You were nineteen, I was sixteen. We didn't have kids to worry about then or bills to pay." Jo reflected. "After the kids were born, we had to focus on providing for them. Life won out over love. I was busy with them as you were with your job. That left very little time for us."

"Most of that was my fault." Roy realized. "I wouldn't make time for you or the kids. I hid in my job. I could never handle things unless they were perfect. I guess I wanted everything to be a honeymoon. Life is not always a honeymoon."

"No, it's not." Joanne agreed. "We were just too young when we married. We had no idea what life was about then. No teenager does. They think marriage is an adult game of house."

"It was a game we willingly played." Roy reminded her. "We were old enough to know what we were doing. We just weren't prepared for the responsibility involved. We married while living a lie. We weren't in love with each other. We married to get out on our own. I was just a security blanket for you as were you for me. We were comfortable with each other."

"Roy, I did love you, but as a friend, not sexually." Joanne revealed.

"Jo, I wasn't attracted to you either." Roy admitted. "I think we married for an easy way out of our family's homes. For me, it was because I thought you were the only chance I had to be married."

"But, there are two kids involved now." Joanne stated. "If it were just us, it would be easy to say good-bye."

"I know." Roy agreed. "Jo, I think I may know what our real problem is. You and I never really dated. We went from friends to I do just like that."

"We did." Jo agreed. "We never had any foundation to build our marriage on. You never got to enjoy the single life, neither did I."

"What if we got a divorce, then began our relationship again?" Roy wondered. "This time, taking it slow and easy?"

**

An hour later, Roy rejoined a pacing John inside the station. The engine was on a run.

"Roy?" Johnny asked, almost fearfully.

"Joanne and I have decided to divorce for the time being." Roy informed his partner. "See, after the divorce, Jo and I agreed to a year of no contact with each other so that we may each experience single life."

**

"Go on." Johnny prompted.

"After the year is up, we'll decide whether or not to try again as a couple." Roy smiled. "If, at that time, we decide to go our separate ways, they'll be no hurt or pain for either one of us."

"Roy, that's brilliant!" Johnny grinned.

_____

SIX MONTHS LATER.........

Roy and Joanne's divorce was finalized and Roy was slowly adjusting to single life. He was slowly beginning to find his own identity and his own place in the world. Johnny was being supportive as he could possibly be as were the others. On the day the divorce was final, Roy was happy and shared that happiness with Johnny.

"Ya know, John, six months ago, I thought I couldn't live without Jo, but now, here I am. Roy DeSoto is still living. His heart still beats without Joanne." Roy said as he and Johnny drank coffee between runs at the station.

"So, you can survive." Johnny smiled. "See? Joanne's gone and you're fine. Let her be with Dwyer if she wants."

"Yeah," Roy smiled. "Maybe Dwyer can give her something I couldn't. More power to her."

"That's the spirit, Roy." Captain Stanley smiled. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No, but I'm trying to get up the nerve to ask Dixie McCall out." Roy smiled, then took his coffee into the rec room to read.

"Cap, I'm worried about him." Johnny revealed.

"Me too, Pal. He seems to be a little too happy this early after the divorce." Cap agreed. "Maybe this is his way of coping."

"This could be Roy hiding his hurt." Johnny guessed. "He doesn't want to reveal how hurt he really is about this. What does Jo see in Burt Dwyer anyway?"

"Well, I can only hazard a guess, but I think that Joanne is using Dwyer to get back at Roy." Hank mused.

"Because he had to work and couldn't go to Hawaii." John speculated.

"That is far from the truth, Gentlemen." Joanne said, startling both men as she entered the kitchen. "Hawaii was just the last in a series of let downs for me. I knew what being a fireman's wife was about when Roy and I were married. It's just that after awhile, you get tired of coming in second fiddle to the job. Our kids hardly knew what their Dad looked like. Chris hates Roy. I just don't wanna be let down again. Well, I just came to drop this off for Roy. Will you see that he gets it, Johnny?"

"What is it?" Johnny asked, taking the envelope from her. "His child support payment."

"Johnny, tell Roy to keep his money, what very little he earns on a fireman's pay. Burt is supporting the kids very well and I'm working part-time as a telephone operator. So, the kids need nothing from Roy." Joanne requested.

"Except a father." Cap said.

"Captain, you know your kid's birthdays, don't you?" Joanne asked.

"Of course." Hank replied.

"Roy couldn't tell you our kid's birthdays if you put their birth certificates in front of him. He can't even tell you how old they are. If that's a devoted father, then I'm the queen of England." Joanne said, then left the station.

Once she was gone, Roy came in from the rec room.

"She's right you know." Roy said, softly.

end part 13