Copyright: January 2001 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Study in Craziness.

Author: Robin R. Neher

E-mail:NRobin1027@aol.com

Rating: SLASH

Pairing: Roy/Johnny

Archive: Yes

Summary: Roy is studying for his Captain's test. In all the worry, will Roy neglect Johnny? Will Johnny have to do something drastic to get Roy's attention?

Content Warning: Harsh Language. Graphic M/M sex.

Nudity. Violence.

Study in Craziness.
by Robin R. Neher

It was one week before Roy DeSoto was to take his test to become a Captain. Roy was hitting the books hard, preparing for any question that might be on the test. Nothing else mattered to Roy except passing the test.

As Roy studied by the light of the lamp in the livingroom, His lover, Johnny Gage, came downstairs.

"Roy, it's three in the morning! Come to bed!" Johnny suggested. "Please, Lover."

"You go ahead. Gotta fish this chapter." Roy mumbled.

"Kay." Johnny sighed, heading for the kitchen.

As Johnny headed in the kitchen, he shook his head.

Why does this fuckin' test mean so much to Roy? Johnny wondered as he poured himself a glass of milk.

"Johnny, keep it down!" Roy yelled, from the other room.

"Roy, I'm just getting myself a drink!" John snapped. "I can't even do that in my home?!"

Roy just sighed in answer as Johnny reentered the front room with his milk and cookies and sat down on the couch next to his lover.

"How's it comin?" Johnny asked.

"Johnny, get the fuck out of my face! I am trying to study!" Roy yelled. "Don't you get it? I am trying to study!"

"Fine!" Johnny sobbed. "I hope you choke on those bars!"

Johnny then took his milk and dumped it on Roy's head. He then threw his cookies at Roy and ran upstairs, crying. The slam of the door to the guest bedroom was the last sound Roy heard. Roy then dried his hair and returned to the books.
_____________________________________________

By the time Roy awakened around noon the next day, Johnny was already gone to work. Johnny was now the Engineer at station 31 on A-Shift while Roy was a Paramedic with Station 8's C-shift. Roy and Johnny had been lovers for three years, sine Joanne and Roy's divorce. Roy had been considering the Captain's test for five years, but had never acted on it til now.

As Roy ate a sandwich in his underwear, he thought about what had happened the night before.

Johnny was sure hurt last night. Roy thought. I shouldn't have yelled at him like that.
________________________________

At station thirty-one, Johnny was polishing the engine, but he seemed distracted to his Captain, Wayne Arnold.

"Problem, Johnny?" Cap Arnold asked.

Johnny sighed as he put down the polishing rag.

"Roy doesn't give a damn about me!" Johnny told his short, stalky Captain. "All he cares about is that damn Captain's test!"

"Son, this is a very trying time for Roy right now." Cap Arnold soothed. "This test is a very big deal for him. He may not get another chance if he fails this time. Just be patient and understanding."

"I just feel so neglected!" John shook his head. "All that exists for him is those books!"

"Johnny, he'll relax once he has the exam out of the way." Arnold assured the young man. "You'll just have to play second fiddle for awhile. He may not be able to give you the attention you want now."
______________________________________

A couple hours later, Johnny came to a decision. He decided that he would move to a motel so that Roy could study in peace. The next morning, after getting off duty, Johnny went to the house that he and Roy shared, packed a few things and left without even leaving a note for Roy.

If Roy needs me, he can find me. Johnny thought as he drove along. I'll make him think I've left him, that'll teach him a lesson!

John snickered as he drove on.

___________________________________________________

The next morning found John in Dixie's office at Rampart at her request. She glared as he sat down across the desk from her.

"You selfish, no good son of a bitch!" She hissed at Johnny. "Same old Johnny! Roy was in here earlier, crying his eyes out over you! He woke up to find you gone!"

"Look, I'm tired of playing second fiddle to Captain's bars!" Johnny yelled. "He's been buried in books for the past year!"

"Excuse Roy for wanting a future! Excuse Roy for wanting to move up in the world!" Dixie sneered. "Is Roy DeSoto to give up his goals to make you happy? Is Roy just supposed to just
drop what he's doing because you're insecure?"

Johnny just gaped as Dixie raged on.

"You know, I seem to recall a certain fireman studying for his Engineer's test. His lover, a fellow fireman, supported him, helped him study. The one thing he did not do was throw a temper tantrum because he didn't get laid on a regular basis! Know who I'm talking about?" Dix asked.

"Me." Johnny whispered, realizing what the head nurse was getting at. "I guess I should apologize."

"I think so." Dix agreed. "Johnny, love isn't just about sex, it's about being supportive of each other's goals. Don't you think Roy could use a little of that now?"

"May I use your phone?" Johnny asked. "I need to call Roy."

"Of course." Dix smiled.

Johnny took the phone and dialed his home number as Dix went to tend to other matters.
_________________________________

Shortly after getting Johnny's call, Roy met his lover in Rampart's cafeteria for a cup of coffee.

"Roy, about last night, I apologize." Johnny said after they seated themselves at an empty table. "I'm sorry for not being supportive of your taking the Captain's test. After all, you supported me when I went out for Engineer."

"Johnny, I've decided not to go out for Captain." Roy told him. "The work involved is just too draining. I'm going back to being a medic. A Captain's life is just too boring for me."

"Roy, it's your decision to make and I'll stand by it." Johnny smiled. "I love you. Pally."

"I love you, Junior." Roy smiled, then kissed Johnny softly as Cap Arnold came over, a grim look on his face.

"Johnny, I have some bad news for you." Cap Arnold said. "You know Sonny, the Engineer before you?"

"Yes, Sir." Johnny nodded. "He wants his old job back. It's okay, Cap, I understand. Sonny was there first, that can't be ignored. I'm sure another opening for Engineer will come open soon."

"Johnny, you're a good man and it's nothing personal. It's just that Sonny and I understand each other."

"Yes, Sir." Johnny whispered as Cap Arnold walked away.

"Junior, I'm so sorry." Roy said as Johnny began to cry.

"IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR!" Johnny screamed as Roy quickly led him outside. "IT'S NOT FAIR! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO DRIVE THE ENGINE!!!"
___________________________________________________

Roy drove a sobbing Johnny to their home. Once there, Johnny went to their bedroom and grabbed a baseball bat, then rejoined Roy outside.

"Johnny, don't do anything crazy." Roy stammered, stepping back. "Honey, thet'll be an opening soon, "

Johnny stared at Roy vacantly as he slowly moved toward old squad 51, which Johnny had brought home after the department had purchased all new squads two years prior.

"Johnny, give me the bat." Roy requested.

Johnny ignored Roy and took his first swing at the squad.

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Johnny growled as his first swing smashed the old squad's windshield. "THAT SON OF A BITCH!! HOW DARE HE STAB ME IN THE BACK!!!!"

"Johnny, who?" Roy asked, ducking as the next swing whizzed above his head.

"ARNOLD!!!" Johnny screamed as the bat connected with the squad's hood, denting it. "HE REPLACED ME CAUSE IN HIS WORDS, I'M A FAG!!"

"Honey, I'm sure that's not true." Roy answered quietly, trying to calm Johnny. "There are a handful of gays in the department."

"YEAH, AND ALOT OF GUYS WHO ARE HOMOPHOBIC!!" Johnny screamed, preparing to swing a third time.

Roy saw his chance and ripped the bat from John's hands. Johnny shot daggers at Roy with his eyes, but Roy kept his head.

"Johnny, what good is destroying the squad gonna do?" Roy asked. "Yes, you're angry and I don't blame you, but Arnold has the right to choose his Engineer! Johnny, doing this won't change anything!"

Roy watched as Johnny slowly sank to his knees. Roy went to John and gathered him in his arms.

"It's not fair, Roy! I worked hard to make Engineer!" Johnny sobbed. "It's not fair!"

"Honey, life isn't fair sometimes." Roy soothed. "Honey, the idea of homosexuality scares some people. Cap Arnold is one of those. You'll just do relief work til an opening for Engineer is available at a permanent station."

"I could fill in on a squad too sometimes." Johnny sniffed.

"Honey, it's not your rank that impresses me, it's you." Roy whispered, scooping Johnny up. "Honey, let me love away your hurt."

Johnny sobbed as Roy carried him into the house.

Before Roy could get John across the threshold, Johnny jumped out of his arms.

"Roy, I'm sorry, but I can't." Johnny sobbed. "Roy, I can't be with you, not like this!"

"Johnny, talk to me." Roy said, softly.

"Roy, I don't even know where to begin!" Johnny sobbed.

Before Roy could say or do anything more, Johnny ran inside, packed his things and left, towing the squad with him. Roy cried as Johnny's Land Rover faded from sight, the old squad in tow.
______________________________________

Johnny soon ended up at Dixie's townhouse, not far away. Dix was concerned when she saw the tears on Johnny's face and immediately ushered him into her living room.

"I left Roy! I really left him!" Johnny sobbed. "Dix, I can't love Roy, not under these conditions!"

"Johnny, slow down." Dix instructed, getting the crying man a glass of water from her kitchen sink and a mild sedative. "Now, why did you leave Roy?"

"Dix, Roy decided not to test for Captain!" John sniffed, trying to get a grip on his emotions. "Under those circumstances, I'm not sure I can stay an Engineer!"

"Here, Johnny, take this. It'll calm you down." Dix said, offering the pill and the water.

Johnny took both, gratefully.

"Now, talk to me." Dix commanded. "Why can't you stay an Engineer?"

"Dix, If I stay an Engineer, I'll outrank Roy." Johnny replied. "Roy has decided to stay in the medics!"

"Johnny, if that's the case, you'll only be ahead of Roy by one rank." Dix reminded the dark haired man. "Honey, Roy has no seniority or authority over you at work. He just became a Paramedic first, that's all. Nothing more. You and he have the same amount of time in the fire service and the same training."

"Yeah, but can Roy and I be together and not get in trouble at work?" Johnny worried.

"Honey, you and Roy are assigned to separate stations. There shouldn't be even an inkling of impropriety!" Dix assured Johnny. "If Roy were a Captain and you his Engineer, the story might be different."

"Because he'd be my direct superior." Johnny finished. "But my fellow firemen-"

"Johnny, who the hell cares what they think?!" Dix snapped, cutting Johnny off at the pass. "What you and Roy do off-duty is nobody else's business but yours! If anyone asks, tell them that! As for Cap Arnold, he wants Sonny as his Engineer, that's his loss! You should be assigned to a Captain who'll appreciate you!"

"You know something? You're right!" Johnny grinned. "I'll just bide my time as a medic til another permanent opening for an Engineer becomes available. I can fill in for other Engineers as needed too!"

"You sure can." Dix grinned. "You might gain more practice as a reliever right now, then be assigned a station later. Think of this as a learning period. Johnny, the courses you took to get this promotion were just book learning That's not the same as having hands on experience as an Engineer. Go back to 51's and learn from an experienced Engineer like Mike. I'll bet if you ask nicely, he might even let you drive the engine and man the pumps a time or two."

"Yeah, I think he would." Johnny agreed as the door to the apartment burst open and Roy busted in.

"Where is he?!" Roy demanded. "Where's my Johnny?!"

"Roy!" A shocked Dix stammered as Roy ran over, swept Johnny into his arms and kissed him, passionately.

"Johnny, I love you, Dammit!" Roy growled as soon as the kiss broke.. "I will not let you go! You are mine! Bye, Dix, and thanks."

"Anytime, Roy." Dix smiled as Roy carried Johnny out to his truck.

Once by Roy's pickup, Roy put Johnny on his feet. He then grabbed the younger man by the shoulders.

"Why don't you believe in my love for you?!" Roy demanded of Johnny. "Look me in the eye and tell me why you don't trust that my love is real!"

"Roy, It's not you, it's me!" Johnny yelled. "Roy, things have changed! When we first got together, you and I were on the same page! We were both Paramedics!"

"And now?" Roy encouraged.

"Roy, with me Engineer and you staying a medic, I'll outrank you!" Johnny cried. "I'm just not sure it's a good idea for me to love you or you to love me!"

A shaken Roy looked at his love in shock. Johnny knew that the relationship could end right then. He shook as he waited for the older man's reaction. After a minute, Roy softly spoke.

"Maybe you're right, John." Roy whispered. "Maybe there is no future for us together as lovers. Things would be different if we weren't firemen."

"Yeah," Johnny sobbed. "How can we be lovers if our fellow firemen look at us as perverts or fags?"

"Yeah." Roy agreed. "Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. Good-bye, my love."

Johnny cried as Roy softly kissed his check then got in his truck and drove away. Dix watched from the window and too cried as she watched Johnny standing in the parking lot alone. Johnny
heart was broken at the loss of his love.

"Stupid fire department!" Johnny muttered, angrily as he walked toward his Land Rover. "Stupid asshole Captains and fellow fireman! Because of them, I've lost the love of my life!"

Dixie watched in horror as Johnny smashed both his fists through the old squad's windshield. Dixie ran outside and put her arms around a screaming and sobbing Johnny and led him back toward her apartment.

___________________________________________________

Once in her apartment, Dixie held Johnny as he cried loud, wailing sobs. All she could do was hold him.

"FUCK ARNOLD!!! FUCK THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!" Johnny sobbed, angrily. "FUCK ROY!!!"

Dixie grabbed Johnny and shook him by his shoulders.

"John Roderick Gage, you calm down!!!" Dix told the young man. "I will not have you blaming the whole department for your problems or the whole world!! You're looking for any excuse to jump out of your relationship with Roy!"

Johnny's rage dissipated as he looked at the nurse.

"Dix, I'm just so tired of it all!" Johnny cried. "People will never approve of anyone I'm with! I'm tired of trying! I may as well go back to dating women!"

"You'd be living a lie if you did." Dix warned. "Honey, you love Roy and you shouldn't let anyone stand in the way of that. Honey, if you love Roy, all that should matter is him, not Cap Arnold, not the department. Look at Romeo and Juliet, they didn't let anyone stand in the way of their love and nothing should stand in the way of you and Roy's love either."

"You're right, Dix. I know what I have to do." Johnny declared.

"Which is?" Dix inquired.

"First, I'm gonna go to 31's and tell Cap what I think of him." Johnny stated. "Then, I'm going over to Roy's and rocking his world!"

"Hold it, John. I don't think it's a good idea to tell a Captain off. You could lose the promotion you worked so hard for." Dix worried.

"Hmm, you're right, Dix." Johnny mused. "My focus should be on Roy."

"I'll deal with Arnold." Dix snickered.

**********************************

A few minutes later, Dixie arrived at station thirty-one. Cap Arnold was shocked as Dixie slapped his face.

"HOW DARE YOU CHOOSE ONE ENGINEER OVER ANOTHER!!!" Dix raged in front of the crew. "JOHNNY GAGE IS A GOOD MAN, YET YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM A CHANCE!!!"

"Dix, you don't understand!" Cap stammered. "I don't want a faggot in my station!"

"Captain, Johnny earned the right to work here!" Dix argued. "His sex life is not your business!"

"I feel he didn't!" Arnold shot back. "Put yourself in my place. How would you feel if you found out one of your nurses was a lesbian? Would you want someone like that caring for patients?!"

*************************************

Across town, Johnny moved back into Roy's house, much to Roy's delight. Johnny smiled at the sight of Roy's erection, bulging through the briefs he wore.

"I'm so glad you're back, Baby." Roy purred, laying his head on Johnny's bare chest.

"Hmmm.....," Johnny mumbled into the soft hair on Roy's head. "Roy, I love you and fuck anyone who doesn't approve."

Roy smiled as Johnny slid his briefs off, then straddled Roy's nakedness with his own.

"My gorgeous angel." Roy whispered. "Please, never leave me again. I couldn't go on without you."

end part 7