WWOMB SUBMISSION: Accident-Part 1/?-Robin R. Neher-PG

Copyright: January 2002 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT. THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Accident

Author: Robin R. Neher

E-mail: NRobin1027@aol.com

Rating: PG

Pairing: N/A

Archive: Yes

Fandom: Emergency

Summary: An accidental injury at the station causes Cap to reevaluate his style of command.

Content Warning: Some harsh language. Angst.

Accident
by Robin R. Neher

Bang!

Johnny Gage stepped back as Roy went to the floor, blood was spilling everywhere as Captain Hank Stanley ran to the station's base radio.

"LA, Station 51. We have a code I at the station! Respond an ambulance!" Cap yelled into the mic.

10-4, station 51. Time: 11:27. Sam responded as Paramedic John Gage stood frozen, trying to comprehend what he had just done.

"Don't just stand there, Gage! Get your equipment!" Cap ordered.

Johnny just shook his dark head as tears filled his eyes.

"I killed him." Johnny sobbed in strangled gasps. "I killed my partner."

"Gage!" Cap yelled. running over to the young man and grabbing his shoulders. "Roy is not dead! Hear me? Roy is not dead! C'mon, John, you're a Paramedic! Roy needs you! Gage!"

Johnny did not and could not hear Hank's words. He was lost in the guilt he felt.

"Kelly, grab the equipment from the squad!" Hank instructed Chet Kelly. "Backboard, drug box and Biophone! Lopez, get outside and wait for the ambulance! Stoker, take Gage into the office!"

John barely felt the quiet Engineer lead him away. He'd never forgive himself, for in his zeal to drive the squad, in the struggle to open the driver's door, Roy got smacked in the forehead by the rear view mirror.

As Mike guided Johnny toward the Captain's office, they passed by the bloody mirror, which now lay on the floor next to a bleeding and unconscious Roy. That sight was slowly etching itself into the memory of one John Roderick Gage. Once in the office, Johnny lost control of his stomach and vomited all over himself and the floor.

Mike went and got Johnny a clean uniform from his locker, then took him to the latrine.

"I don't wanna see you out here til you pull yourself together!" Mike ordered, then went to clean up the mess in Cap's office.

***

A few minutes later, Roy was packaged up for the ride to Rampart Hospital and loaded into the ambulance.

"Gage!" Cap called.

A cleaned-up, but pale Johnny emerged from the latrine.

"We've got a replacement on the way, Pal." Cap informed the young man. "Johnny, don't you go blaming yourself for this, hear me?"

"Cap. it's my fault." Johnny insisted. "Roy's hurt cause of me."

"Dammit, John, look at me!" Hank yelled, shaking the young medic by the shoulders. "What happened was an accident! A simple, stupid, accident!"

Johnny just looked at his Captain.

"I'll never forgive myself." Johnny mumbled, wondering into the dorm. "It's my fault. My fault."

Hank sighed as his Engineer joined him in the office.

"Cap, should we call in a replacement for John?" A worried Mike asked.

"Mike, that accident was my fault." Cap told him. "I should've seen how stingy Roy was being with the squad. I should've stood up to DeSoto."

"Cap, we're just wasting energy and time placing blame. Johnny's the one that's hurting most right now." Mike reminded Hank. "The best thing for John right now is to remain on duty."

"Mike, you saw the state Gage is in!" Hank countered.

"Would you rather have him sitting at home, feeling sorry for himself? Here, we can keep an eye on him." Mike pointed out.

**

A few hours later, Roy DeSoto was awake, but had a splitting headache.

"Doc, how bout something for the pain?" Roy asked of Dr. Joe Early.

"Sure, Roy." Joe smiled. "Joanne, I'm gonna keep Roy here for 48 hours. He has a nasty concussion and the laceration on his forehead."

"Good." Roy replied. "Cause if I were anywhere near John Gage right now, I'd kill him."

"Roy!" Joanne DeSoto rebuked her husband.

"He shoved me into the squad door!" Roy argued.

"Roy, what do you remember about the accident?" Early inquired.

"Well, Johnny wanted to drive the squad, I said no. He got mad and tried to beat me to the driver's seat. Things got out of hand."

"Roy, what happened?" Joanne demanded.

"We got into a shoving match in the apparatus bay. John grabbed me by my hair and next thing I knew, I was up close and personal with the driver's door. Everything went black after that til I woke up here." Roy finished wincing.

"Okay, Roy, we'll let you rest now." Joe said as Joanne followed him from the room.

Once safely out of Roy's earshot, Joanne told the kindly neurosurgeon her suspicion.

"Joe, he's lying." Joanne said as they sat in the safety of the waiting room.

"I was thinking the same thing." Early agreed. "Roy is taller and much heavier than Johnny. Roy would be pretty hard to shove around."

"But why is Roy saying Johnny shoved him into the door? Johnny's his best friend." Jo wondered.

"He's trying to save himself embarrassment." Joe speculated. "I think my next stop should be station fifty-one for a talk with Johnny."

***

When Dr. Early arrived at station fifty-one minutes later, he saw that the engine was not there. Going in through the back door, he was met by Johnny. Joe saw the haunted look in the young
man's eyes.

"Doc? Is Roy-?" Johnny asked, then trailed off.

"Johnny, he's awake and resting comfortably." Early assured him. "Johnny, I'd like to know how Roy got hurt, your side of the story as it were."

"Things have been bad between Roy and I for the last two weeks." Johnny began.

"Oh?" Joe asked.

"Yeah. I wanted to have a chance at driving the squad to a rescue." Johnny explained.

"Go on." Early prompted.

"Roy would never let me." John finished. "It was as if he didn't trust me."

"Go on." Early prompted again.

"I never feel that he trusts me." John rambled. "This time, I told him I was driving this shift whether he liked it or not."

"How'd he react?" Early asked the young Paramedic.

"For a minute, he was quiet, then he went berserk!" Johnny replied. "He got madder then I've ever seen him!"

"Did he try to hurt you?" Joe asked.

"No, he lunged at me, missed and hit the rear view mirror instead." Johnny answered. "Is he saying I did it?"

"Yes." Joe answered.

"I should've known." Johnny said.

"What do you mean?" Early asked.

"Doc, Roy makes a big deal out of being senior Paramedic. He thinks that because he was certified first, that should make him the boss." Johnny explained. "I think that Roy and I are of the
same rank."

"Technically, you are." Hank Stanley interjected, coming in from his office for coffee. "Roy has been a fireman longer though."

"But, that doesn't give him the right to boss me around!" Johnny argued.

"I don't disagree with that, but Roy does deserve some respect. There wouldn't be any Paramedics if it wasn't for him. You'd still be a Rescue Man now if not for him."

"I know that, Cap, but Roy does not own the squad." Johnny replied. "I have a driver's license too."

"Johnny, Roy said that you told him that you were driving whether he liked it or not." Early interjected. "He felt threatened by that."

"Threatened?!" Johnny laughed. "How can he have felt threatened?!"

"Johnny, it is possible that he did feel that way." Hank agreed. "Roy worked long and hard to get the Paramedics off the ground. I think Roy sees you as a junior Paramedic because you came out of the second class and hadn't been in the department as long as he had. He'd also been a medic in the Army prior to joining the department. Then when you told him you were driving, he felt his status being threatened. That's why he lunged at you. He felt you were disrespecting him."

"Maybe I did go about it the wrong way." Johnny mused. "I just can't see why he won't let me drive to a run. He only lets me drive if he's riding with a patient to Rampart."

"It may be that Roy feels more comfortable if he's the one behind the wheel." Joe guessed. "Has he ever ridden with you in your Land Rover?"

"Yeah, we took my truck to Vic Webster's party that one time and we also took the truck to Santa Rosa County on that fishing trip." Johnny remembered. "He complained the who way down there."

"Complained how?" Cap asked.

"I was driving too fast. I was wasting gas. I took a corner too fast." John explained.

"So, he's not comfortable unless he's the one driving." Cap guessed. "John, you will drive when Roy comes back. I'll make sure of it."

"Cap, don't make me any promises. Hell will have to freeze over before Roy will give up those keys." Johnny answered.

"Just leave everything to me, Johnny." Hank promised. "You'll have your chance at driving to a rescue."

****

Four days later, Roy returned to work. Johnny was already there, in uniform and doing the squad's morning equipment check. As Roy arrived in the lockeroom, Cap came in.

"Uh, Roy, I'd like to talk to you if I may before you get dressed. Let's go in the office." Hank requested.

"Sure, Cap." Roy replied, closing his locker, then following the lanky A-shift leader.

Once in the privacy of the Captain's office, Hank looked the older Paramedic in the eye.

"Roy, in the relationship between you and John, I've noticed some unbalance." Cap began. trying to be as delicate as possible. "It seems that Johnny isn't getting the best training from you."

"Why? I've taught him how to be a fine Fireman/Paramedic." Roy defended himself. "Cap, did he mess up with a victim?"

"No, that's not it." The Captain assured. "What I'm talking about is the squad."

"Johnny has come to you cause he wants to drive." Roy realized. "I knew he'd complain one of these days. Cap, Johnny knows that only I drive the squad to calls."

"Do you not trust John to get you to a scene safely?" Cap inquired. "Johnny would not have been certified as a rescue man or a Paramedic if he hadn't passed the department's driving course. Besides that, all personnel in this department have to be licensed drivers."

"I know." Roy replied.

"Then why not let Johnny drive the squad?" Hank wanted to know as the tones sounded.

Engine 51, trash fire. 1547 Yancy Circle. 1547 Yancy Circle. Crosstreet: White. Timeout: 08:10.

"Engine 51, KMG-365." Engineer Mike Stoker replied as Hank ran and joined Chet Kelly and Marco Lopez on the engine.

"Roy, we'll pick this up when we get back." Hank promised as Mike quickly took his place at the wheel of engine 51.

Roy watched as the Ward LaFrance sped from the station, then turned to Johnny, who was just finishing the customary biophone check with Rampart hospital.

"10-4, Rampart. Thank you." Johnny finished, then saw Roy. "Mornin'."

"You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?!" Roy hissed, then stormed into the lockeroom.

"Roy!" Johnny called, running after his partner.

"You really take the cake, know that, Gage?!" Roy asked, his displeasure obvious. "You just had to stab me in the back!"

"What are you?!-" Johnny started to ask, before Roy cut him off.

"Oh, don't play dumb, John! I hate in when you do that!" Roy roared. "We both know you went to Cap!"

"Roy, I just want my equal chance at driving the squad. Is that so wrong?" Johnny countered.

"I suppose you wanna castrate me too!" Roy accused. "You might as well!"

With that, Roy grabbed his uniform and went to the washroom to change, locking the bathroom door as he went. Johnny went back into the apparatus bay to finish the supply list for the squad.

A few minutes later, Roy joined him.

"Remember that promotion I was offered?" Roy asked after a minute. "Well, I'm gonna take it."

"Roy!" Johnny protested.

"Now, Johnny, I've been thinking about this since taking the Engineer's test." Roy explained. "As you yourself said, I can't be a Paramedic forever."

"Roy, are you doing this cause your mad at me?" Johnny asked. "It was Cap's idea to talk to you, not mine!"

"Yes, I'm mad!" Roy yelled. "I'm pissed! I'm pissed that you had the gaul to talk to the Cap about me! Johnny, I'm the boss here! I was certified first and in the department first! I drive, that's the
way it is!"

"Dammit, Roy!" Johnny growled. "Why won't you let me drive?!"

"Because, I feel safer with me behind the wheel!" Roy yelled. "Johnny, you're a terrible driver!"

"Why? Cause I don't drive five miles an hour?" John shot back sarcastically.

"Alright, hold it." Roy requested, holding his hands up. "We're both getting hot under the collar here and over what? Who drives a squad? Look, I'm gonna go outside and cool off, okay?"

"Okay." Johnny replied. "Roy, why won't you let me drive?"

"Johnny, I have my reasons." Roy answered, then walked out the back door. "Just leave me alone for now, okay?"

Johnny turned and grabbing the squad's keys from the wall, got behind the wheel and started the engine.

"LA, Squad 51, 10-7 to Rampart for supplies." Johnny reported.

10-4, squad 51. Dispatch acknowledged.

As Johnny was about to leave the station, the engine returned from it's run. Hank joined John in the squad.

"Johnny, I have something to tell you. It's about Roy." Hank said. "Let's go."

***

A few minutes later, after getting the needed supplies from the hospital, John and Cap were sitting inside a local coffee shop.

"Cap?" Johnny prompted.

"On that last run, I met an old friend of Roy's. Tom Morgan, his old partner when Roy was on squad 116 as a Rescue Man." Cap began. "It turns out that they were in an accident on their way to a call. Roy was nearly killed. Tom was driving, too fast according to the police report. Anyway, Tom lost control of the squad and it flipped several times."

"How bad was Roy hurt?" John gasped.

"John, almost every bone in his body was broken. The docs didn't give Roy a very good chance of surviving, much less ever walking or being a fireman again." Cap replied. "It took Roy over two years to get well enough to be a fireman again. Joanne almost put him in a home and divorced him due to the strain of caring for him and the kids."

"Oh boy, now I know why he won't let me drive to scenes." Johnny realized. "He thinks I'm another Tom Morgan. What happened to Tom?"

"He was suspended for a year, without pay. He was lucky he wasn't discharged. He was also ordered to pay for a new squad for 116's." Hank told Johnny. "He's a Captain now at station 8."

"Maybe we could get him to talk to Roy." Johnny suggested.

"I'm way ahead of you, Pal." Hank grinned. "Captain Morgan should be at 51's about now."

***

"Hello, Roy." Tom Morgan smiled.

"Tom Morgan, long time, no see." Roy grinned, hugging his old friend. "What brings you here?"

"Hank Stanley asked me to drop by," 5'4 Tom replied. "He tells me you don't let your partner drive the squad."

Roy's smile faded at that remark.

"So, it's a set up." Roy accused, his eyes narrowing. "Two Captains conspiring against the senior Paramedic at station 51! How cozy!"

"Roy, you're being Paranoid!" Tom yelled.

"Am I?" Roy asked, calmly. "I'm the one who nearly died in an accident, thanks to a certain Rescue Specialist. You were careless that day and you know it. Squads are not toys and they should not be driven by people who think they are."

As both men stared at each other in an uncomfortable silence, the squad returned to the station.

"Captain," Hank Stanley greeted Tom. "Making any progress here?"

"Cap, let's you, Johnny and I talk in the office." Tom requested.

Roy just watched with narrowed eyes as the men went into 51's office. Once the door was shut, Johnny was introduced to Roy's old partner.

"John, I think it might be that Roy doesn't feel he can trust you behind the wheel of the squad. He feels that to let you drive is like asking him to take another chance of being hurt in an accident. I'll admit, I was driving recklessly all those years ago." Tom told him. "He feels that if he can't be in control, then he wants no part of it. Roy had to work long and hard to get this Paramedic program off the ground. He staked his whole career on it's success."

"So, he has more to lose." Johnny understood.

"It may be time to give Roy an ultimatum." Hank mused. "He's not giving John a fair chance to prove himself. "Either he lets Johnny drive or he'll be reassigned to an engine."

"Cap, Roy has not violated any department procedure or regulation." Johnny defended his friend. "How would you justify the revoking of his Paramedic certification?"

"He's right, Hank." Tom agreed. "We can't bully Roy into letting John drive."

"We have to do something. Johnny's getting held back by this." Hank said.

"Cap, I have an idea." John spoke up. "Can you get a reserve squad over here?"

"Why?" Hank asked. "Is something wrong with squad fifty-one?"

"No, Cap, nothing like that." Johnny assured his boss. "I just thought that Roy might be more apt to let me drive if the squad was a reserve. He wouldn't worry as much over it."

"You may just be on to something, John." Hank mused. "I'll bet that may just be the problem. Roy sees squad 51 as his baby, something he's responsible for when on duty."

Hank got up and opened his office door.

"Mike, where's DeSoto?" Hank asked his Engineer as he was walking by,

"He was servicing the squad in the bay." Stoker replied. "Roy! Cap wants you!"

Roy quickly made his way from the bay into his Captain's office.

"Yeah, Cap?" Roy asked all the while glaring at Tom and John.

Before Cap could go any further, the tones sounded

Squad 51, man down at the amusement park. 810 Cochrane Ave. 810 Cochrane Ave. Crosstreet: Fay. Timeout: O9:30.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Cap responded as the Paramedics ran to the squad.

As Roy went to open the driver's door, Cap grabbed Roy's hand.

"How bout letting John drive this time?" Hank suggested.

Hank watched as Roy's eyes filled with anguish as did Tom. A second later, Roy tore from Hank's grip

"Cap, with all due respect, I'd rather shoot myself than ride with John behind the wheel." Roy stated quietly. "Johnny, I'm sorry."

"LA, Station 51. Respond another squad to that location." Hank requested.

10-4, station 51. LA returned.

"Roy, why?" Tom asked as a set of tones sounded over the speaker.

Squad 112 in place of Squad 51, man down at the amusement park. 810 Cochrane Ave. 810 Cochrane Ave. Crosstreet: Fay. Timeout: O9:40.

"Tom, you just don't understand. None of you do. None of you will ever understand." Roy shook his head, then bolted into the dorm.

Johnny just stood there, unsure of what to do next as the dorm door slammed. He'd never felt the way he did just then.

"Cap, what do we do?" Johnny asked, softly, his eyes pleading.

"John, I just don't know what to do, Pal." Hank shook his head. "I want you to call battalion headquarters. Find out where Roy was stationed before 116's."

"Right, Cap." Johnny replied as Joanne DeSoto arrived at the station for a visit.

"Hiya, Fellas. Roy around?" The pretty lady with short, dark hair asked.

Cap shot John a meaningful look. Both knew that Jo might be able to help reach Roy.

"Yeah, Jo, he's in the dorm." Johnny pasted on his best smile. "Roy! Joanne's here!"

Roy came out of the dorm to greet her.

"Hi, Honey." He smiled, kissing her. "What are you doing here?"

"Roy, I thought you might be ready to talk now. Let's go in the dorm. You too, Johnny." Joanne requested. "Excuse us, Cap, fellas."

Jo followed as the Paramedics led her into the dorm, Once all were seated on Roy and Johnny's beds, Joanne looked both men in the eye.

"Okay, who wants to start?" Joanne asked, clapping her hands.

Johnny and Roy looked at each other.

"C'mon, Boys, we need to settle this, once and for all." Joanne prodded the men.

"Honey, John and I can settle this on our own." Roy said.

"Then, why do you have a bandage on your forehead?" Jo asked her husband as the tones again sounded.

Squad 51, woman in labor. 236 Organ Way. 236 Organ Way. Crosstreet: California. Timeout: 10:15.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Cap acknowledged as Johnny beat Roy to the driver's seat.

Johnny smiled as he held out his hand for the keys. Roy grudgingly handed them over, then prepared to ride shotgun as Johnny drove.

"Sorry, Pally." Johnny grinned as he guided the squad from the station.

Once the squad was gone, Joanne went to join Hank and the others in the kitchen.

"Coffee, Jo?" Hank offered.

"Yes, Please." Jo smiled, joining the guys at the table. "Tom, nice to see you again."

"Likewise." Tom smiled, taking Joanne's hand.

"I think Roy knows about us." Joanne said. "That's why he never lets Johnny drive the squad."

"You don't mean-" Hank gasped.

"Hank, it's ancient history." Tom quickly assured him. "Roy was in a coma at the time and, well, you know, Joanne is a woman and women have needs."

"Jo, how could you do that?" Chet asked.

"Chet, Roy was in very critical condition. The doctors only gave Roy hours, maybe days, to live. I didn't think Roy would ever find out."

"That may be why Roy won't let Johnny drive." Cap realized. "Johnny takes the squad from Roy. Roy's afraid that his wife will be taken from him too. That's what he meant when he told Johnny he may as well castrate him."

"My god, my affair with Tom robbed Roy of his manhood." Joanne realized.

***

Two hours later, John and Roy sat down to lunch in Rampart's cafateria. As soon as the food was sorted out, Johnny looked Roy in the eye.

"Is it about Joanne's affair with Tom?" Johnny asked, catching Roy off guard.

"How did you know about that?!" Roy demanded around a mouthful of a tuna salad sandwich.

"Word gets around." Johnny replied around a mouthful of ham sandwich. "Roy, I wouldn't dare lay a hand on Joanne nor would I do that with any married lady. Contrary to popular belief, I do know that when a woman is married, it's hands off."

"What if Joanne came to you?" Roy asked of his best friend.

"I would never risk our friendship like that. I respect you too much for that." Johnny answered.

"Really? You respect me?" Roy gaped.

"So, that's it. That's why you won't let me drive. Roy, I've always respected you, ever since we first started working together. I'm not Tom and I'd never give you a reason to feel threatened in that way. Joanne loves you, Pally. If she didn't, she wouldn't be with ya now. That affair is long since history."

In his heart, Roy knew that Johnny was right.

"It still hurts though, John." Roy admitted. "I don't know why, but I just can't forget."

"Tell me what you're feeling." Johnny encouraged, reaching for the HT which sat between them on the table. "LA, Squad 51, out of service for ten minutes."

Squad 51. Dispatch returned.

"Johnny, I love Jo so much. When I found out about the affair, I wanted to kill her. I thought of even killing myself." Roy revealed. "I wonder what it was I did to cause her to go to him."

"Tom." Johnny prompted.

Roy nodded.

"I mean, here I was, a basic cripple and when I needed her most,-" Roy began, his voice cracking and tears flowing.

"She turned to someone else." Johnny softly finished.

"Then, when I found out she wanted to put me away, I felt like she stabbed me in the back!" Roy yelled, slamming his fist on the table. "I didn't even feel like a man then!"

"I have the feeling you still don't feel like a man." John mused. "That's why you have such a hard time letting me drive the squad. You don't feel you're in control at home, so you have to have control at the station. Then, when I ask to drive, you feel threatened all over again. Am I right?"

Roy nodded, a look of pure defeat on his face.

"Hey, Roy, you don't have to feel that way. If I did make you feel like that, I'm sorry." Johnny said. "I wasn't too polite when I asked to drive. I was a jerk and I apologize."

"Me too." Roy sniffed. "I think we should take turns driving the squad."

"Agreed." Johnny grinned his crooked grin.

The HT on the table beeped the times then.

Squad 51, are you available?

"LA, Squad 51, available." Johnny reported.

Squad 51 with Engine 110, Child sick at the preschool. 12 Martin St. 12 Martin St. Timeout: 12: 45.

"Squad 51, 10-4." Johnny replied as he and Roy dashed from the cafeteria

***

The next morning, Roy had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as he arrived home. Unlocking the front door with his key, Roy made his way inside the two-story home that he and his family shared on the outskirts of Los Angeles As Roy went to shut the door, he found a note attached to it. He blanched as he read the letter.

Roy,

I can no longer live with your hatred and distrust of me. I made a mistake, but that was four years ago, in a moment of weakness. While nothing justifies my adultery, I can see that you still can't forgive.

People are human, Roy, flesh and blood and are bound to make a mistake now and then. If you could see what me and the kids went through after you were hurt in that accident, I think you'd understand why I did what I did then. I was facing the fact that you might never again be the man I loved.

The doctors were saying that you might not make it to the next day. Roy, that was the most frightening, most difficult time of my life. A person can only give support and care for just so long before they break. Maybe you should try dealing with two kids and an injured man before judging my sins and misdeeds.

Tom was there in a way you couldn't be then. Can't you understand that? I needed someone to love me! I need someone to pay attention to me! Tell me, Roy, is that so wrong?

Roy, me and the kids are going away for awhile to visit family. Maybe when we get back, we can talk.

Joanne

Roy walked around the house aimlessly as he reread the letter over and over. It was then it began to dawn on Roy what Joanne went through after he was injured four years before. He now knew just what it was she must've felt then. Wadding up the note, Roy went to the bedroom and got down a suitcase. After packing his things, Roy then walked out of the house and locked it up. He then got into his truck and headed to the nearest motel.

****

Joanne, meanwhile, paid a visit to John Gage before she and her kids left town. When told of her plan to leave Roy, Johnny was stunned.

"Johnny, I'm not gonna divorce Roy, I just need to get away from him for awhile." Joanne was quick to assure the young man. "You know that it's been four years since Roy and I have slept in the same room, much less the same bed together?"

"Jo, I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to be honest."
John requested.

"Shoot." Jo replied.

"Do you love Roy?" Johnny asked.

"Of course I do!" Joanne snapped. "What the hell kind of question is that?!"

"I'd say a very reasonable one." Johnny calmly answered. "You claim to love Roy, but what have you done to show him that love in the past four years? What have you done to make him feel that you are his and his alone? Jo, the one major thing with injuries like Roy had then, they're not only physical, they're emotional and psychological too. Roy will be affected for the rest of his life, not only by the injuries the accident caused, but also by the injury you caused with your infidelity to him when he needed you the most."

"Johnny, I can't change what happened then. I only wish I could." Jo replied.

"While you can't change then, can't you give Roy a reason to love you again now?" Johnny asked her. "Maybe the reason why Roy can't share the same bed with you is cause he's afraid to ever get that close to you or anyone again. As the old saying goes, once bitten, twice shy."

"I guess I never thought about his side of this." Jo realized. "I destroyed any trust that Roy ever had in me. Who could blame him for not wanting to be with me? Why he hasn't divorced me, I don't know."

"Jo, Roy is deeply, desperately, in love with you. He just doesn't know whether you still love him. Jo, you've got to show him that you are as in love with him as you ever were. Give him a reason to believe again." Johnny advised. "Here's what you do....."

****

Later that night, Joanne found Roy after an extensive search of the motels around their home. She snickered as she entered the room where her husband lay sleeping or snoring in his case.

Making entry she quietly shut the door. Then setting her bags down, she tiptoed to the bathroom to change. A few minutes later, she emerged in Roy;s favorite negligee, one that he'd given her as a wedding gift on their wedding night. As Jo looked herself over in the mirror by the dresser, she smiled to see that all those years of eating right and taking care of herself had paid off.

Jo then walked over to the bed and quietly got in beside her husband. She grinned as she looked down at his handsome face.

How could I have ever cheated on this gorgeous man? Jo wondered, looking down into the peaceful face of her sleeping love. He's everything I'd ever want and need in a man.

Jo gently kissed Roy's eyelids, then watched as they slowly fluttered open. As they did, Joanne saw the shock and disbelief appear on Roy's face.

"Jo? Am I dreaming?" A shocked Roy asked.

"No, Honey, you're not." Joanne gently assured her man. "I'm right here. You have my word that I will never again stray. Ever since I left the house, all I've had is time to think. I was gonna leave town, but a special angel helped me to see what you must've gone through four years ago and are still are going through today. Roy, my precious Roy, the pain I've caused you. You must feel so hurt, cheated."

Roy began to cry quietly, relieved that his wife was finally understanding what he was feeling then and now.

"Let it all out, Baby. You've every right." Joanne cooed, holding Roy as she hadn't in a long time.

As Roy wept out his bottled up pain and rage over Joanne's affair, those feelings were replaced by his love for her. As Jo kissed away his tears, he knew in his heart that both could put the past behind them and look forward to a bright future.

Pretty soon, Joanne's lips rediscovered Roy's and as they kissed, it was with a passion that had been long buried. Roy held Joanne so tight that she could barely breathe, but she did not mind. She knew that this was what both needed right then. As the kiss broke, Joanne again saw the sparkle in Roy's blue eyes that she'd first seen when they first fell in love many years ago. She also saw a smile that to her, lit up the whole world.

"Jo?" Roy asked.

"Yes?" She replied.

"I missed you." He grinned.

"Me too, Teddy Bear, me too." She smiled, stroking Roy's hair and calling him by the pet name she'd given him when they were kids.

"You haven't called me that in a long time, Princess." Roy smiled, calling her by the name he'd given to her as a kid. "I love you so much, Jo. My world would fall apart if you weren't here."

"You are everything to me, Love." Jo whispered. "Remember in my letter I wrote that I went to Tom because I needed attention?"

Roy nodded.

"I realized that I could've gotten that in a thousand other ways. I didn't need to have an affair. Tom is like I'd picture Johnny at making love, were I to indulge in such fantasies." Jo said. "I don't see Johnny knowing what to do with his cock except using it to pee."

Roy laughed, uproariously at this.

"I kinda had that impression myself." Roy snorted. "Wanna bet that Johnny is a virgin?"

"I'm sure that Johnny is one." Jo agreed. "From what I've observed, he never gotten beyond the first date with any girl. I doubt he's ever slept with one."

Both laughed a little more, then got serious again.

"What I was trying to say was that Tom satisfied me in the short term, but when we made love, there was no heart behind it." Joanne told Roy.

"And with me?" Roy wanted to know.

"When you and I love, I feel us coming together as one, body, heart and soul." Jo replied. "When you love me, you take your time and make it last."

"You do too." Roy grinned, reaching up and caressing Joanne's cheek as someone knocked on the door.

"Ah, that'll be our dinner." Jo grinned, going to answer the door.

Joanne quickly opened the door, paid for the dinner, then, thanking the delivery person, she shut the door and returned to Roy's side with the dinner. Joanne lifted several boxes from a paper sack and sat them on a rolling table in front of them.

"Roy, the kids are at my mom's for the next two weeks, so we are gonna have a second honeymoon." Joanne purred. "I called Captain Stanley and arranged for your leave, so you don't have to worry there."

"You did this for me?!" Roy gaped.

"Roy, give me the rest of our lives to love you." Jo purred. "We've both made plenty of mistakes, but we have hopefully learned from them."

Roy looked at Jo, wondering if she was really sincere or just playing him for a fool. He did not want to be hurt again, so he pulled away.

"Jo, I believe that you do love me, I'm just not sure that you're in love with me. You can't put things right with a pretty nighty and some romance. Jo, as much as I want to, I just can't risk loving you right now." Roy said, gently. "Honey, it's not you, it's me. I'd appreciate it if you just got your things and left. I'll call you at your mom's in a few days."

Jo hated to leave, but she knew that it was best for Roy, so she abided by his request, despite the hurt she felt. Once Jo was gone, Roy picked up the phone.

"Johnny? I know it's late, but I really need to see you. Can you come to my motel room?" Roy asked.......

***

When Johnny arrived a few minutes later, he found Roy picking at the dinner Joanne had ordered.

"What am I gonna do?" Roy repeated over and over as John sat down beside him on the bed. "I love Joanne, but the mere sight of her makes me wanna barf right now."

"Why?" A concerned Johnny asked.

"Johnny, Joanne betrayed me in the worst way a wife could betray a husband." Roy explained. "I gave her my love, my name and most of all my heart. How can I be sure I won't get hurt again and she won't have an affair again?"

"Roy, life has no sure things." Johnny replied. "I want you to think back to those days when you were recovering from that accident. You were not in any condition to love Joanne then. Joanne had alot heaped on those little shoulders after you were hurt. She had to care for two small kids and a man who couldn't even pee by himself. She had to also work as a checker at a grocery store just to pay a pile of bills. Your worker's comp barely covered your medical expenses and food. Joanne also had the same needs as any woman. Those needs you can't just turn off at will. Tom was there and able, she reached out to him. She did what was natural at the time."

"My heart tells me that, but my mind screams that what she did was wrong." Roy replied.

"I see, you're trying to hold the moral high ground." Johnny understood. "In matters of the heart, there is no black and white. Roy, are you gonna sit here, wallowing in self-pity and trapped in fear or are you gonna let Jo back into your life?"

"Johnny, it's not that simple." Roy protested. "I was raised to believe that when you got married, it was forever and that you never strayed. For me to let Joanne have a second chance is asking me to forget the affair happened. I can't do that."

"Nobody is saying you should!" Joanne yelled as she came back. "Roy, I accept full responsibility for what I did and make no excuses for it! What the hell do you want from me?! What do I have to do for you to forgive me?! Roy, I'd do anything!"

Roy just turned his back to her without answering.

"Roy, dammit, answer her!" Johnny demanded.

"Here we go again!" Jo sighed. "Roy DeSoto wants everything in his little world to be so damn perfect! God help us if it's not! Roy, I'm not perfect, our kids aren't perfect, Johnny's not perfect! Nobody is perfect! We all make mistakes, Buster, even you! If you wanna behave like a spoiled little boy, go right ahead, but I'll be dammed if I lose you over something that happened four years ago!"

Joanne spun Roy around to face her. Roy refused to look at his wife

"Roy, I love you!" Joanne said, firmly.

Roy just dressed and left without a word. Johnny put a comforting arm around Jo as they watched Roy's truck roar into the night.

****

The next day, Joanne paid a visit to Dixie McCall, Rampart Emergency's head nurse on her day off. As soon as both women were seated on Dix's sofa, Joanne began pouring her heart out.

"Dix, I'm losing Roy." Joanne said, quietly. "He wouldn't even look at me last night."

"I see." Dix nodded.

"Roy acts as if I committed murder or something. I called the station this morning and he asked Captain Stanley to say he was on a run. He didn't know I heard. I found out that Roy's had himself scheduled to be on duty for a month straight. He's hiding in his job." Joanne told her friend.

"Of course he is." Dix replied. "The station for him is a safe haven. He doesn't have to face you or the pain that he feels on duty. Johnny isn't gonna take away his kids or leave him if he says or does something wrong. Cap isn't gonna yell at him for leaving socks on the floor or not taking the trash out. Chet isn't gonna yell at him for drinking milk from the carton or making a mess in the bathroom. At the station, Roy can scratch himself and belch without someone telling him it's wrong."

"The station is one big lockeroom." Jo understood.

"Roy can be Roy there without the other guys judging him. He doesn't have to set an example for anyone there." Dixie agreed.

"That won't help me now." Joanne shook her head. "I should just give Roy what he wants, a divorce."

"No, Jo, that'd be giving into him." Dix told him. "He has to face you and I have just the plan."

Dixie smiled as she called station 51.

***

At fifty-one's, Roy was relaxing in the rec room as Cap cam in.

"Roy, phone. It's Joanne." Cap informed him.

"Tell her-" Roy began.

"That you're out on a run." Cap finished. "Roy, you can't keeprunning from her this way."

"Cap, if you were me, what would you do?" Roy asked of Hank.

"I can tell you what I did do." Hank offered.

"You?" Roy gasped.

"Yes, Me." Hank answered. "Seven years ago. I was just as hurt as you were and obviously still are when I found my Sarah in bed with our next door neighbor. God, I was mad!"

"What did you do?" Roy asked.

"I packed my things to leave. Sarah was crying and saying how sorry she was, but I just couldn't stay in that house." Cap remembered. "As I left, I looked at Sarah and said, Honey, if you need to be with Rick, go ahead, but, I hope that you remember that we have two daughters together. I hope you can look them in the eye as you tuck them in each night and think about how you're gonna explain why daddy isn't living with them when they're older."

Roy nodded.

"We were apart for a year. I underwent counseling, so did she. After six months, we started meeting for lunch once a week. We talked in a way that we never had before during those lunches. We were actually honestly talking about what we each wanted and needed from each other and for ourselves as individuals. As we talked, we got to know each other all over again and eventually reconnected with each other." Hank smiled. "In this fast paced world, it's very easy to lose the connection with each other."

"You know, I don't think Joanne and I ever really knew each other." Roy decided. "As kids, we were classmates and playmates."

"Were you friends then?" Hank asked.

"Yes, I wouldn't say we were best friends, but we were friends." Roy replied. "She was my first crush."

"Did you kiss her?" Hank asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Cap, we were in 4th grade!" Roy laughed. "She slugged me when I put my hand up her dress!"

"Roy!" Cap laughed, uproariously along with Johnny as he joined them.

"You sure were a ballsy kid, DeSoto!" Johnny guffawed. "I wouldnt've had the nerve to try that as a kid!"

"But you sure do now!" Roy teased. "I see you peeking up nurse's dresses at Rampart!"

Johnny turned deep red with embarrassment as Cap looked at him.

"Uh, do we need to have a little talk, John?" Cap asked.

John shifted in his seat as Cap kept his gaze on him.

"Uh, My dad and I had that talk when I was thirteen." Johnny replied, after a minute causing Roy and Cap to double over with laughter.

"Well, obviously that talk back then didn't take." Cap replied, his tone once again serious.

"John, there are plenty of nudie magazines you can subscribe to." Roy added. "I think the nurses would be rather cross with you if they found out about your sneak peeks."

Johnny blushed again unaware that soon, Roy was to be proven right. All sat in silence as the tones sounded.

Squad 51, person stung by bees. At the west end of Griffith park. Timeout: 10:01.

"C'mon, Peeping Tom." Roy teased as he and John ran for the squad with Cap right behind.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Hank responded as the squad sped away.

"What am I gonna do with that boy?" Cap wondered aloud as he returned to his office.

Once in the privacy of his office, Hank sat down to do paperwork at his desk. As he did, his mind drifted back to Roy's encounter with the squad door just a week prior. Cap was startled by Mike Stoker's knock on the door.

"What can I do for you?" Hank asked.

"Just thought you might like to talk." The Engineer replied in his quiet way.

"Come in, Mike. Shut the door." Hank requested.

Mike did so, then took a chair across from Hank.

"Cap, what's wrong? You've been tense alot lately." Mike said. "Is it Chief McConnikee?"

"I only wish it were, Pal." Hank sighed. "That'd be a walk in the park compared to what I'm facing now."

"Which is?" Mike Prompted.

"Well, I've got one Paramedic who seems to get his kicks out of looking up nurse's dresses and another who can't seem to get over an affair his wife had four years prior." Hank explained.

"Joanne's affair with Tom Morgan." Stoker guessed. "I worked with Roy at 116's prior to the accident. Morgan may have been a jerk back then, but Roy DeSoto was an even bigger one."

"Explain." Cap prompted.

"Cap, Roy cheated on Jo left and right. Even on their honeymoon, Roy was a playboy. Poor Joanne, she'd call me, crying cause she'd seen Roy somewhere, kissing and fondling another woman. How and why she puts up with him, I'll never know."

"Mike, that can't be. The Roy DeSoto I know is a loving and devoted husband and father." Cap disagreed.

"Now he is, but certainly not then." Mike answered. "It was only after Joanne threatened to take the kids and leave that Roy straightened up."

"But if that's the case, why does Joanne's affair with Tom have Roy so hot and bothered?" Hank asked.

LA, Squad 51. Came the voice of John Gage over the office speaker. Respond an engine company to this location and an ambulance.

10-4, Squad 51.

Advise engine company to come in full turnouts. The are bees swarming everywhere. John added.

10-4, Squad 51.

A minute later the tones went off.

Engine 51, assist squad 51 at their incident. At the west end of Griffith park. Timeout: 10:15. Squad 51 advises all personnel to wear full turnout gear.

"Engine 51, KMG-365." Cap acknowledged as the engine crew quickly suited up and got aboard.

Cap put his gear on and joined them a second later. Mike calmly guided the engine from the station, lights and sirens full blast. Cap spoke from his seat.

"Okay, I want tape around your sleeves and boots!" Cap yelled to be heard above the engines motor. "Is anyone allergic to bees?!"

"I am, Cap!" Marco Lopez answered.

"You stay with the engine then, Marco!" Hank ordered. "Chet, when we get on scene, I want you and Marco to stand by with an inch and a half!"

"Right, Cap!" Chet replied.

As the engine arrived minutes later, Johnny ran over to meet it.

"Cap, the victim is Joanne DeSoto." Johnny reported.

All the guys gasped at this news.

"John, where's Roy?" Hank asked.

"In the squad." Johnny replied.

Hank nodded, then got on the CB.

"LA, Engine 51. Respond another squad to this location." Cap requested.

Engine 51. Sam answered.

"Johnny, you get back to the squad and stay with Roy." Hank instructed.

"Right, Cap." Johnny answered. "He's pretty upset."

"Tell him we'll do all we can." Cap replied.

****

As soon as Johnny got back to squad 51, he found his partner, sitting stone-faced in the passenger seat.

"You know, John, I'll admit I wasn't exactly a stellar husband." Roy said out of nowhere. "I had several affairs too. On our honeymoon, I screwed a woman who wasn't Joanne."

"Did you expect me to be shocked?" Johnny wondered. "What I don't understand is why any man who claims to love a woman can then turn around and cheat on her?"

"Johnny, I wish I knew." Roy sighed. "I guess I was scared."

"Of what?" Johnny asked as squad 116 arrived.

Cap came over to brief them.

"LA, squad 51 available at scene." Cap reported into the HT in his hand. "Engine 51 and squad 116 out one hour."

Engine 51.

Johnny got in squad 51's driver's seat and starting the motor, guided the squad away from the scene. Roy just sat silently at his side.

"I don't get it, Pally. You're all upset with Joanne cause she cheated on you. Yet, you admit to being with another lady on your honeymoon. That's a double standard." John said.

Not just one, five." Roy revealed.

"Five women?!" Johnny gasped. "Roy, why?!"

"Johnny, I thought I could have my cake and eat it too. I was seventeen when Joanne and I were married." Roy answered. "She said that until I turned Twenty-one, I wasn't getting any from her."

"I see, Joanne wouldn't put out, so you went elsewhere." Johnny mused. "Roy, she had a point. You were underage then."

"For those first four years, we didn't even share a bed." Roy revealed.

"That didn't justify cheating." Johnny countered. "Joanne is four years older than you. Roy, you strayed too. So, you have no right to punish Jo for her misdeed."

"Johnny, Joanne and I are the same age!" Roy growled. "You Son of a bitch! I thought you were my friend!"

Johnny pulled the squad onto a deserted country road.

"I am you friend, DeSoto!" Johnny defended himself. "I just don't understand how Jo can put up with you! You get jealous if any man so much as looks at her! You don't even know who to be jealous of anymore! Roy, look at yourself! You have a great lady who could do a hell of alot better than you, yet she chooses you! If she were mine, I'd sure as hell treat her a hell of alot better than you are! Roy, you have what I can only dream of,yet all you give her in return is jealousy and hate!"

Johnny watched as Roy exited the squad and began to walk back the other way.

"Roy!" Johnny called, only to have his partner wave as he kept walking.

Johnny knew that Roy had to work through his feelings on his own, so, closing the passenger door, Johnny got back in and headed toward Rampart.

****

As days turned into weeks with no sign of Roy, and weeks into months, life moved on for his family and friends, it had to, there was no other choice. As Johnny adjusted to working with a new partner at 51's, there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't think of Roy.

As for Joanne, she and Roy talked back and forth through infrequent letters. In his, Roy talked of his adventures as he traveled here and there, but he would never ask about her or the kids.

"It's as if he can't even bring himself to ask how I am." Jo told Johnny one day six months after Roy had left as he sat in her livingroom.

"Runaway Roy." Johnny sighed. "He's afraid, so he runs. Only he doesn't realize he can't run from one thing."

"What's that?" Joanne asked.

"Himself." Johnny answered. "He's gonna have to face his demons sooner or later."

The day of reckoning came two months later when Roy returned to Los Angeles and the department Upon arrival at station 8, he was met by Captain Tom Morgan.

"Hello, Tom, or should I say homewrecker." Roy greeted, coldly. "I hope you wrote your will, Captain, cause you're fixin to die!"

Tom's men moved to defend their Captain, but Roy whirled on them.

"Engineer, take the crew to the dorm and lock yourself and the crew in there!" Roy hissed as he and Tom stood, face to face, ready to fight. "This is between me and Captain Morgan!"

The scared Engineer did as told. Roy then grabbed Morgan by the throat and dragged him over to the base radio.

"LA, station 8 out of service, uh, 2 hours." Roy reported.

Station 8. Sam acknowledged.

"Roy, what is it you want?" Tom gasped, struggling to breathe as Roy tightened the grip on his throat.

"My honor and my dignity back!" Roy spat. "Which you took away four years ago when you slept with my wife! You see, Tommy-boy, ever since that day I found out what you did, I haven't felt like a man! You robbed me of my manhood! Today, I get it back!"

With that, Roy punched Tom square in the face, sending him reeling into the engine. Recovering quickly, Tom lunged for Roy, swinging and landing a punch to Roy's midsection, causing Roy to vomit and sink to the apparatus bay floor, the wind knocked out of him. A minute later, Roy tripped Tom, causing him to fall on top of him.

Roy ripped the silver badge off Tom's work shirt, then grabbed the man by his hair.

"LOOK!!" Roy growled. "LOOK AT THIS BADGE!!!"

Tom looked at the badge Roy held in his hand, he had no choice.

"Know what this means to me?!" Roy demanded. "This badge is a symbol! Those who wear it have sworn to save lives, even if it means losing their own! This badge also symbolizes a trust that the people of LA County put in us! You have dishonored this badge with your affair with my wife! You have dishonored me and every other fireman who wears it with your actions!"

"Roy, stop!" Joanne called as she and Johnny arrived at 8's after the engineer called them both on the dorm phone and alerted them to the confrontation.

"Roy, you talk about your honor being taken from you, but what about Joanne's honor? How about honoring the vows that you made to her all those years ago?!" Johnny called to his friend. "This is the mother of your babies, whom you promised to love, honor and obey when you took that walk down the isle! Remember those words? Roy? Joanne?"

"You both may have been teenagers at the time you were married, but you both knew what you were doing! Added Dixie McCall, who'd ridden with Jo and Johnny to the station, should medical help be needed.

"Jo, do you love Roy?" Johnny asked of her.

"If she did, she wouldnt've slept with this creep!" Roy growled, kicking Tom in the ribs.

END PART 17