Copyright: May 2000 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED.

FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Hidden Desires

Author: Robin R. Neher

Rating: SLASH

Pairing: Dixie/Sharon-Roy/Johnny

Content Warning: Graphic F/F sex.M/M sex. Sharon will learn something about Dix's sexual orientation in this part. If this offends you. READ NO FURTHER!!!!! Graphic Violence.

Frank sexual discussion. HANKY ALERT!!! Physical abuse of Johnny.

Archive: Yes

Summary: Sharon has a secret admirer. How will she feel when she finds out who it is?

Content Warning: Graphic F/F sex.

HIDDEN DESIRES

by Robin R. Neher

Sharon Walters sighed as she sniffed the roses that were in her locker. As had happened everyday for the past two weeks, the flowers had only the usual note attached.

To my love from your admirer.

Sharon still had no idea who this person was and was really getting curious. Dixie walked into the lounge just then. She smiled at Sharon.

"More flowers?" Dix asked.

"Yep," Sharon giggled. "Same note and all. I wonder who this person is?"

"After two weeks, you still don't know?" Dix asked. "He hasn't even given you a hint?"

"Not a one." Sharon smiled, as she put the flowers in water in a vase. "It could be anyone at Rampart."

"Let's take this one step at a time." Dix said. "This person has been leaving the roses in your locker, right?"

"Yeah," Sharon replied.

"Who has access to your locker besides you?" Dix asked.

"Just you that I know of." Sharon replied. "Dixie, you're not-"

"No, it isn't me." Dix laughed. "It's probably Johnny Gage. He's had a crush on you for awhile."

"Johnny doesn't seem the type who'd buy flowers for a woman, especially roses." Sharon said.

"We all know he can be a cheap skate sometimes." Dix agreed.

"What about Drs. Early and Brackett? Could it be one of them?" Sharon wondered.

"Honey, you're too young for either one of them." Dix laughed. "I know it's not Mike Morton."

"What about Roy DeSoto?" Sharon asked. "Could he be looking to have a fling on the side?"

Dixie doubled over laughing.

"Sharon, Roy is a very married man with two kids!" Dixie laughed.

"Then who could it be?" Sharon asked.

"Who knows?" Dix replied, shrugging her shoulders. "Let's get to work."

Sharon and Dix left the lounge and went to work.

***********

Eight hours later, Sharon returned to her apartment to find more roses and a cake waiting for her. She read the attached letter.

My sweet young nurse,

So, you still don't know who I am? Let me give you a hint. I am someone you worth with everyday at Rampart, one of your fellow nurses. I loved you from the day I first saw you two years ago. Just being near you fills me with a burning love. I will not tell you who I am, you must figure that out for yourself.

I love you,

Your secret admirer

Sharon was giddy with all the attention. As she read the note again. As she looked closer at the handwriting, it looked familiar.

Where have I seen this before? Sharon thought. This writing sure looks familiar.

Sharon put the note away and went to the kitchen to get a knife, fork and plate. She then looked at the cake. Sharon noticed that it was decorated on top with icing hearts and Nurse's cap's.

Someone sure went to alot of trouble and expense for me. Sharon thought as she ate. Once she was done, she rinsed her dishes, the went into the living room to watch TV.

***********************

The next morning when She arrived at Rampart, Sharon went straight to the lounge and her locker. Opening it, Sharon found more roses and a note.

My love,

Coming any closer to figuring out my identity? Here's another hint. I was one of the people who helped get the paramedic program off the ground.

Your secret admirer

Sharon's curiosity was at it's peek now. She decided she had to find out who this person was. Sharon smiled wickedly as she wrote a note.

To my admirer:

I want very much to meet you at a place of your choosing. You flatter me with your kind words.

Sharon

Sharon pinned the note to the bulletin board, then went to work.

*****************

Later, while she and Carol were having lunch, the subject of Sharon's mystery lover came up again.

"Sharon, it could be possible that this person is a woman." Carol Williams said, poking at her salad with her fork.

"You mean a lesbian?" Sharon asked.

"Yeah," Carol replied. "Like Dixie."

Sharon almost choked on her soda at those words.

"You didn't know?" Carol asked her.

"No! I thought she was seeing Dr. Brackett!" Sharon replied.

"That was just for appearance sake." Carol told the student. "Dixie came out not too long ago."

Sharon could not believe what she was hearing.

Could it be Dixie? Sharon wondered.

********************

As the day wore on, Sharon received no answer from her admirer. She was beginning to think that she'd scared this person off. Unlocking the door to her apartment, Sharon saw another note taped to the door. Taking it down, she read it.

Dearest Love,

I do not think it is appropriate for us to meet at this time. You are so beautiful that I'm afraid that if you saw me, you might not want me and that would destroy me. Just know of the love I carry for you deep inside me. I like watching you from a distance. Just seeing you makes me happy. I will be ready to meet you soon enough. I will let you know when that time comes.

Your secret admirer.

Sharon folded the note. then entered her apartment.

***********************

The next day was Sharon's day off. She made a trip out to the ranch owned by Johnny Gage. Johnny greeted her with a smile and hug. He then led her inside his house. Once seated, Johnny spoke.

"What brings you here?" Johnny asked.

"Johnny, are you my secret admirer? Be honest." Sharon said. "Someone has been sending me notes and gifts."

"And you assume it's me?" Johnny replied. "Sharon, if I liked someone I'd come out and say it. I wouldn't waste time sending notes and gifts! Why would I want to date you again after what you did to me?!"

"Johnny, I said I'm sorry! What more do you want?" Sharon sobbed.

"Look, Miss Walters, you went and told everyone I got you pregnant when you knew it wasn't true!" Johnny yelled. "To me, you are just a lair! A pathological lair! You almost ruined my career and my life! Now, I think you'd better leave!"

"Fine! Sorry I bothered you, Mister Gage!" Sharon yelled, as she rose to her feet and went to the door.

"If you ever set foot here again, I will have you arrested, understand?!" Johnny yelled.

"Perfectly!" Sharon yelled back, as she started her car. "Don't worry, you won't see me here again!"

Johnny watched as Sharon drove away, then went back in his house.

***********************

The next day, when the squad visited Rampart, an angry Dixie dragged Johnny into her office by his hair. She then slammed him into a chair.

"Firefighter Gage, Nurse Walters came to see me last night after she left your ranch yesterday! She told me that you threatened to have her arrested!" Dixie growled. "You had no right to do that!"

"Yes, I did!" Johnny yelled. "She came on to my property uninvited! According to the law, that's trespassing! She shouldn't have been there!"

"Did you threaten to shoot her too?!" Dix demanded.

"Look, I said some things that I shouldn't have! I did not threaten to shoot her! She seems to think that I'm her secret admirer!" Johnny yelled. "You know what happened between us two years ago!"

"I know she hurt you then, but you still had no right to threaten her." Dix told him. "Sharon had some problems then, but through intense therapy, she has overcome them. She knows she was wrong to fake that pregnancy and lie to you the way she did. Johnny, she really did love you."

"Yeah, Sure," Johnny scoffed. "Look, Sharon may have changed, but to me, she will always be a lair. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel."

With that, Johnny rose.

"Johnny, in the future, think before you speak." Dix told him, as he walked out of her office.

*********************

TWO DAYS LATER........

Roy DeSoto was concerned about his junior partner. When Johnny reported for duty, he wouldn't say a word to anyone. Johnny would hear them, he just wouldn't answer. Johnny was just sitting at the table with the others, not saying a word. After he was done eating, Johnny rinsed his lunch dishes, then wondered out back.

"Roy, what's with John?" Marco asked. "He's been awfully quiet today."

"I was wondering the same thing myself." Roy replied.

"I'm glad he's being quiet for once." Mike Stoker put in. "A shift without his tirades. I'm enjoying the peace."

"Me too." Chet Kelly agreed. "It sure feels good not to have to listen to his whining."

"Chet, Johnny does have a right to his opinions. I agree he needs to learn better ways to express them." Cap chimed in. "Roy, see if you can talk to John."

"Right, Cap," Roy replied.

He then headed out back. Johnny was nowhere to be found. Roy did find a tape laying on the porch, however. Roy took it inside and put in the station's tape player. He then hit the play button. The crew heard Johnny's voice through the speakers.

To my fellow fireman and coworkers at Rampart. It appears that once again. my big mouth has landed me in hot water. So, from now on, I will not say a word. Every word out of my mouth always seems to offend someone. I will also be staying in the camper out back of the station when on duty so I will not disturb anyone else with my nocturnal activities and my hair-brained schemes. I feel like I'm just getting on you all's nerves and in your way.

FF/PM John Gage

The crew all shook their heads as Roy turned off the tape.

"Someone hurt his feelings again." Chet mused. "I didn't do it this time."

"No one said you did, Pal." Cap told him. "Someone sure did though."

The crew all nodded in agreement.

***********************

Later that night, the crew came back from a structure fire. Without saying a word to anyone, Johnny once again retreated to the camper. The crew left him alone and retired to bed themselves.

The next morning, when the wake up tones sounded, The crew got up and dressed, Mike then started breakfast. As they all sat down at the table, Cap spoke.

"Roy, Aren't you going to call Johnny to eat?" Hank asked.

"Cap, if Johnny wants to be alone, let's just give him what he wants." Roy replied. "He'll eventually get lonely and want to come in again. Also, since he won't speak to us, we won't speak to him."

"I'm going to go take him a plate." Marco said.

"No, Marco, if Johnny wants to eat, he'll have to come in here or get his own food. You guys are to give him nothing." Roy instructed. "Let's just pretend he doesn't exist."

"What about the squad? You need a partner." Hank reminded him.

"Cap, you're going to call in someone to replace Johnny. If Johnny sees the squad leave without him a time or two, he'll get tired of being separated from us." Roy replied.

"Ah, a little Psychology." Chet guessed.

"Not exactly, Chester B, I'm just giving Junior out there enough rope to hang himself." Roy replied.

"Huh?" A confused Chet said.

"Chet, Johnny is throwing a temper tantrum because someone hurt his feelings. He's doing this for attention, much like a child throws a fit." Roy explained. "I'm just letting him go right ahead and have his little fit."

"Roy's hoping that Johnny will get tired of being ignored and rejoin the talking world." Cap added. "Excellent idea, Roy."

"Thanks, Cap," Roy smiled.

Pretty soon, A-shift headed home, without saying good-bye to Johnny.

"Mike, you did disconnect the speakers out back, right?" Roy asked, as he got into his truck.

"Yeah, Roy, Johnny won't hear a single call the engine and squad get." Mike replied, getting into his car. "I also asked B and C-shifts not to activate any lights or sirens until they're far away from the station. Johnny will never know when the engine or squad is leaving."

"Good," Roy replied, smiling wickedly. "See ya."

"Bye, Roy," Mike replied, driving away.

Roy then drove toward Rampart to pay a visit to Dix.

******************

When Roy arrived at Rampart, Dix smiled at him.

"Morning, Roy. Coffee?" Dix asked.

"Please," Roy smiled. "That partner of mine's at it again. He won't talk to anyone. He moved out to the camper at the station."

"Uh,oh," Dix muttered. "Roy, I think I may have caused that. I chewed Johnny out for threatening Sharon. I told him he should think before he speaks. I think he took it to heart."

"Oh, he's just having a tantrum." Roy disagreed. "I think he,s just doing it for attention. the guys and I are just ignoring him for now."

*******************

Hours later, Johnny woke up in the camper. Johnny looked at his watch.

"It's twelve noon? It can't be!" Johnny said to himself. "Why didn't someone come out and wake me?"

Johnny boy, you're the one who pulled away from them. Johnny thought, as he got out of bed and got dressed in his civvies.. Then after washing up, Johnny left the camper. He noticed that B-shift was there so he got in his Land Rover and left.

***********************

Two days later, when Johnny reported for duty, he noticed that both the squad and engine were gone.

I know I'm not late, so where is everyone? Johnny thought as he parked across the street and sat watching the station. A few minutes later, the squad and engine pulled into the apparatus bay. Johnny watched as the squad doors opened and Roy and much to Johnny's horror, Brice got out. Johnny was even more shocked when Roy clapped Brice on the shoulder.

"Good job, Craigie." Johnny heard Roy say. "Nice save on that cardiac arrest."

"Why thank you, Roy." John heard Brice reply with a smile on his face.

"Come on, Junior." Johnny heard Roy say. "We don't want to be late for roll call.."

"Coming, Roy," Johnny heard Brice reply as he followed Roy inside the station.

Junior is my nickname! Johnny thought as he drove away, hurt and jealousy filling his core.

Johnny drove back to his ranch and after changing into work clothes, went out to tend his horses. As he worked, his mind was awhirl.

How could Roy do that to me? Johnny thought. I thought he was my friend! Some friend! Well, I get his message loud and clear! I know when I'm not wanted! I'll just transfer to another station!

***********************

Back at Rampart, Sharon decided that she had to flush her admirer out. She suspected that it was Dixie, but she had no proof.

How can I find out for sure? Sharon thought. I can't just ask her! Can I?

Dixie came over just then, seeing a far away look in Sharon's eyes.

"Sharon, Are you all right?" Dix asked.

"Yeah, Dix," Sharon replied. "I was just thinking, daydreaming really. Sorry about that."

"Sharon, don't worry, I do the same thing now and then." Dix smiled. "Let's you and I have a talk in my office."

"Okay," Sharon smiled, following Dixie.\

*******************

Once in Dix's office, Dixie shut the door, She then turned to Sharon.

"Okay, Sharon, why don't we get things out in the open? Go ahead and ask." Dix said.

"Ask what?" Sharon replied.

"Come on, Sharon. You don't think I know what you've been thinking?" Dix replied. "You think I'm the one who's been sending you all those love notes."

Sharon turned bright red.

"Dix," Sharon stammered. "I never thought-"

Dix took Sharon's face in her hands. She then kissed Sharon's lips, lightly. Sharon shivered in shock.

"Dixie, it is you?" Sharon whispered.

"Yes, Sharon, it is me. You see, I've known I was a lesbian since my days in Korea. I didn't know how to deal with that at first. I would go out with men, but they never turned me on the way women do." Dix told her. "Sharon, you stole my heart the day you walked in here. I love you."

"Dix, if we were to start something, it could make trouble. You are my supervisor and you could lose your job over this." Sharon replied. "I wouldn't want that to happen."

"Sharon, I'm just as scared as you are. Why do you think I waited so long to tell you?" Dix said. "Sharon, I'd give up this job if it meant I'd get to be with you. I'd be happy if I could just have one night with you."

"Dix, I don't think it would be a good a idea for us to get involved. If I weren't a student and you weren't head nurse, maybe something could happen. Besides, I'm way too young for you." Sharon gently replied. "Dixie, you and I will always be friends, I'm just not comfortable with the idea of having sex with another woman."

"Do you have something against homosexuals?" Dix demanded.

"Dix, my Mama raised me to believe that homosexuality was a sin. I think that it's disgusting! If that's your choice, that's fine, just don't ask me to be a part of it!" Sharon told her.

"Sharon, you don't have the right to judge something you haven't tried." Dix said. "I can't believe what I just heard!"

"I'm sorry, Dix, the idea of having sex with you make me uncomfortable." Sharon said.

She then turned and left Dixie's office, shutting the door behind her. Dixie felt her anger building.

Somebody needs to teach that girl a lesson! Dix thought. How dare she! Sharon doesn't know a thing about homosexuality, yet she makes fun of it! Well, Nurse Sharon, you're in for a night to remember.

Dix then went home to prepare for the night ahead.

Later that night, Sharon heard a knock on the door to her apartment. When she saw Dix standing there, Sharon groaned.

"Now, there's no need for that." Dix said. "Can I come in? We need to talk."

Sharon led Dixie inside and shut the door. Dix sat down in a chair across from Sharon.

"Dix, about what happened earlier, I'm sorry." Sharon said. "You were right, I had no right to judge something I had not tried. Mama Walters was a religious zealot She went to church every Sunday and read the bible to us everyday. She expected us to live and act pure."

"Sharon, let me love you. Let me show you that sex with a woman can be just as great as with a man." Dix said.

"Yes, Dix, I will let you love me. Can we have dinner first? I make a pretty mean spaghetti." Sharon smiled.

"Really?" Dix asked.

"You bet." Sharon replied.

Dix went over to Sharon and kissed her deeply, hungrily. Sharon returned the kiss with a passion that suprised even her.Dixie then held Sharon at arms length. Dixie saw love in Sharon's eyes, a love that she knew was only for her.

"Oh, Dixie. I never thought I could love anyone like this, but you sure as hell hooked me. My heart is yours, only yours." Sharon whispered.

Sharon then led Dix into the small kitchen. Both were shocked to find a pot of water boiling over on the stove.

"Shit!" Sharon cursed, turning off the burner as Dix grabbed some towels. The two women then drained the pasta, then poured it into a bowl. Sharon the poured homemade sauce over the pasta. She and Dixie then sat down at the table and filled their plates.

Sharon then turned off the lights and lit the candles on the table. Dixie smiled at Sharon and took her hand.

"You are so beautiful." Dix whispered, as she fed Sharon a bite of spaghetti.

Sharon in turn, fed Dixie a bite of garlic bread.

********************

At the DeSoto house, Roy sat on his porch, reading a letter he'd received from Johnny. His wife, Joanne, a psychologist, scowled at him.

"Hope you're happy, Royal!" She hissed. "Your little attempt at psychology made Johnny feel unwanted at station fifty-one! How dare you suggest that the guys ignore him!!!"

"Look, I know Johnny Gage better than you do!!!" Roy growled. "I work with him for twenty-four hours at a time!!!! You don't know how difficult he can be to be around!!!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jo demanded.

"Johnny acts worse then Chris sometimes, and Chris is three!" Roy replied. "Johnny's always whining about some date that dumped him or some other personal problem! Each and every shift, it's always something! You don't know what it's like to have to scrape John Gage off the pavement everytime he's injured! Most of his injuries are his fault!"

"Roy, Johnny can be clumsy sometimes and a bit irritating, that's true." Jo replied, her voice softening. "But you must remember that John, like you has feelings. His feelings get hurt just as easily as his body. Words or actions can hurt just as much."

"I guess I went a little too far this time." Roy admitted, hanging his head. "I thought that if we ignored him, like we do Chris when he has his fits, that Johnny would come back to us."

"Roy, you guys cut Johnny completely out of the picture. You even had Brice take his place." Jo replied. "What do you think was going through Johnny's mind when he saw you with Brice? How do you think he felt when you called Brice Junior?"

"I know that must've really hurt him." Roy replied. "My calling Brice Junior was a low blow."

"It was." Jo agreed. "Roy, I've observed you and the other guys during my visits at the station. It's doesn't seem to me like you guys really support him, you laugh at and criticize him. I've even heard Hank call him a twit on several occasions. You treat Johnny as if he doesn't have a brain in his head. Chet's always playing pranks on him."

"Jo, Johnny asks for it! He's always trying to get back at Chet." Roy snapped. "John falls for Chet's pranks everytime."

"Do you talk to Chet about laying off Johnny? Do you ever tell him to leave John alone?" Jo inquired. "Do you stand up for Johnny at all?"

"No." Roy admitted. "I just figure it's between Johnny and Chet."

"Roy, there is nothing wrong with stepping in and telling Chet to lay off or telling Johnny to shut up once in a while. There's nothing wrong with being assertive." Joanne told him. "You do it with our kids, so why not with Johnny and the others, even Cap?"

"I have to work with these guys." Roy replied.

"So? That doesn't mean you have to put up with Cap calling people twit or Johnny talking with his mouth full or Chet's pranks." Jo replied. "Families have to have rules and limits on behavior, even firefighters."

"Jo, thanks." Roy smiled, hugging her. "I have to talk to Johnny."

Roy got up and went in the house to call Johnny.

*****************

Roy couldn't get a hold of Johnny by phone, so he went to his ranch.. Upon arriving, Roy saw Johnny's Land Rover in the driveway and knew he was home. Roy went up and knocked on the door. When Johnny answered, he had an annoyed expression on his face.

"What the hell do you want?!" Johnny snapped.

"Is that any way to greet your best friend?" Roy asked in reply. "We need to talk."

Johnny stepped outside and shut the door.

"I'm in the middle of making love to a beautiful girl." Johnny replied. "I can't talk to you now."

Just then, a blond lady came out and wrapped her arms around Johnny.

"Johnny, Dear, I'm getting tired of waiting." The girl said. She then looked at Roy. "Whatever you have to say to Johnny will just have to wait!"

Roy then watched as the lady pulled John back inside the house and shut the door. As Roy turned to walk back to his car, he heard sounds from inside the house.

"Oooooooooohhhhhh, Johhhhhhnnnnnnyyyy." The lady's voice said.

Roy then got back into his car and drove away.

Upon arriving home, Roy got a beer out of the fridge, went to his den and locked the door. He then pulled out his photo albums of him and John together and looked at them thinking, What have I done?

************************

Meanwhile, at Sharon's, Dixie was just beginning her lovemaking. If front of her lay a naked Sharon, ready to be loved. Dix could not believe how willing Sharon was.

"Sharon, I want you so bad it hurts." Dix hissed, then claimed Sharon's mouth in a demanding kiss. She then claimed Sharon's body with hers. All Sharon could do was whimper and call Dixie's name. Dix smiled, the sounds music to her ears.

"Oh God, Dix!" Sharon screamed. "Take me!"

Dix leaned her head down and took Sharon's clit into her mouth, then sucked until Sharon came into her mouth. Dix then watched as Sharon caught her breath.

"Dix, wow!" An impressed Sharon said. "I've never been fucked like that before. Dix, I was wrong about homosexuals, I realize that now. I let my mother, who's been dead for five years, influence my opinions. You are one hell of a lover."

"See? I told you." Dix replied, holding Sharon close and kissing her.

*******************

The next morning, Roy was polishing the squad when an angry Johnny Gage stormed in. Before anyone knew what was happening, Johnny punched Roy in the nose, sending him to the ground. Roy was shocked by Johnny's behavior.

"DeSoto, if you ever show up at my house again and interfere with my dates, you'll regret it!" Johnny growled.

"Johnny!" Chet said, sharply.

"Kelly, if you know what's good for you, you won't say another word!" Johnny growled.

Chet shut up.

"Since I'm not wanted here, I've been transferred to another station!" Johnny yelled. "I'm tired of not being respected here and being laughed at! Captain Stanley, if you weren't such a bad Captain, Chet wouldn't play pranks on me! You let him victimize me over and over! None of you men ever stood up for me!"

The guys all stood in shock at Johnny's tirade. They all watched as he got his stuff and left. Cap then turned to Roy who had blood all over his face.

"Brice, take Roy over to Rampart to get checked out." Cap said.

"Right away." Brice replied. "Come on, Roy."

Cap shook his head as the squad left the station, thinking that Johnny was right.

**********************

At Rampart, Roy was being treated by Dr. Early in treatment room three.

"You say Johnny did this?" Joe asked.

"Yeah, he stormed into the station and decked me!" Roy replied. "He said he was tired of being disrespected and laughed at!"

"He's right, Roy." Dix said, entering with Roy's X-rays and handiing them to Joe. "You guys are a bunch of bullies! You all tease and criticize John and expect him just to shake it off! A person can only take so much!"

"Everyone teases each other at the station." Roy replied, as Joe looked at the X-rays.

"Yeah, but who's the butt of most of those jokes?" Dix asked.

"Johnny." Roy admitted, wincing. "I don't exactly stand up for him either."

"Roy, you claim to be John's friends, but you act like his enemies." Joe said. "No wonder he felt unwanted there. Now, you have a broken nose and concussion, a mild one."

"Can I go back to work?" Roy asked.

"Roy, you can, but take it easy, okay?" Joe replied. "Don't take anymore punches."

"Ha Ha," Roy laughed, nasally, as he got off the exam table. "Thanks, Doc, Dix."

Both nodded as Roy left. Dixie decided then and there that she was going to talk to Johnny.

**********************

After finding out where Johnny was now working through headquarters, Dixie made her way to station 86. Johnny was suprised to see her.

"Dix," Johnny said, "what brings you here?"

"I think you know." Dix answered, glaring at him. "You storm into 51's, belt Roy, then leave without even telling anyone why!"

"Oh, they know why!" Johnny growled. "They know perfectly well why!"

"Do they know why you hit Roy?" Dix asked. "Why did you hit him?! What did Roy ever do to you?!"

"He came to my house last night and interrupted me making love to my girlfriend! He came over, totally uninvited!" Johnny yelled. "He should've called first!"

"That's why you hit him?!" A shocked Dix asked.

"No! I hit him because he had Brice take my place at the station! He even called him Junior!" Johnny yelled. "Well, I got his message loud and clear! I'm not wanted there!"

"I know that must've hurt, but you didn't have to hit Roy!" Dix yelled. "He wanted to talk to you last night, that's why he came by your house! How was he supposed to know you were busy?!"

Johnny hung his head and started crying.

"Johnny, what's happening to you?" Dix asked, softly. "The Johnny I used to know would never have struck his partner."

"Dix, lately everytime I look around station fifty-one, I see the guys all laughing at me." Johnny said. "Roy too. Were these guys ever my friends?"

*********************

Back at station fifty-one, Cap had Chet Kelly in his office. Chet stood at attention. Hank glared at him.

"Firefighter Kelly, I'm going to tell you something right now! If you EVER play another prank on John Gage or anyone again, your career will be over!" Hank hissed. "I'm tired of having to baby-sit you and Johnny all the time!"

"Sir, I never meant to hurt Fireman Gage or anyone else." Chet replied.

"Kelly, you like to have fun at other people's expense! You never think of the consequences to anyone else! Well, it stops now! If I hear you laughing at anyone or see you playing a prank on anyone else, I will have no alternative but to report you to the Chief!" Hank warned. "As of now, you are suspended for six shifts without pay!"

"Captain, don't bother! I quit!" Chet replied. "I won't work for someone who doesn't understand my sense of humor! So Johnny gets wet, big deal! So Johnny gets syrup in his boots, so what? Johnny doesn't seem to have a sense of humor! Well, I won't hurt any of you anymore!"

With that, Chet laid his badge on Cap's desk. He then went to his locker, got his things and left. Mike and the rest all stood around, not knowing what to say. Cap Just stuck his head out the door.

"Stoker, you will assume command of this station." Hank said. "Maybe you can run it better then I could. Cap then laid his badge on the desk, then left himself. Stoker just stood there, his mouth agape.

****************

When Roy returned to the station, he was shocked to find both Cap and Chet had resigned. Chief McConikee was there too.

"Michael Stoker, you are promoted to the rank of Captain." The Chief said. "I'm sorry it had to happen this way."

With that, the Chief left. Mike looked down at his Captain's bars that the Chief just pinned on. He then turned to Roy.

"DeSoto, my office......Now!" Mike ordered.

Roy followed Mike into the office. Mike shut the door.

"DeSoto, you will do anything it takes to get Johnny Gage back here. I don't care if you have to drag him back here kicking and screaming, just get him back here." Mike ordered.

"Yes, Sir," Roy replied.

"Dismissed," Mike said.

Roy turned and left the office and headed out to the squad.

"Brice, come with me!" Roy ordered.

Roy and Brice got into the squad and headed toward station 86.

*****************

An hour later, Roy returned to station fifty-one with Johnny. Mike came out of the office.

"Roy, did the partner exchange go well?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, Cap," Roy replied. "There were no problems."

"Cap?" Johnny asked. "When did you get promoted, Mike?"

"Since Henry Stanley and Chester Kelly quit because of you, Fireman Gage!" Mike hissed. "How dare you storm in here and hit Roy in front of everyone! How dare you tell Stanley he was a bad Captain! What gave you the right to make that judgment?! Huh?!"

"Look, Stanley allowed Kelly to play prank after prank on me! He never stopped it!" Johnny growled. "You don't have any idea what's it's like to be teased all the time! To be made fun of! It's been that way since I was a kid!"

"Johnny, you do ask for it, sometimes." Roy put in. "You need to learn how to take a joke."

"Am I also supposed to stand there and let Chet make fun of my heritage?" Johnny asked. "Am I just supposed to stand there and let you call me Junior? Am I supposed to let Stanley call me twit?"

"John, we know your life has not been an easy one, but do you think this job is easy?" Mike asked. "You of all people should know how stressful this job is. When Chet plays pranks, it's his way of dealing with that stress. He means no harm. I agree that he goes too far sometimes, but he doesn't mean to hurt you."

"Johnny, Cap Stanley does the best he can. He can't be your personal referee all the time. You and Chet need to sit down and work this out yourselves, like adults." Roy said. "I think if you both stopped the childish behavior, you two might be great friends. As for my calling you Junior, you know it's not done out of malice."

"I know, Roy. It's just that I get tired of hearing it all the time." Johnny said.

"John, You say you want respect, but respect is a two way street." Engineer Rod Stevens put in. "I've have heard you criticize everyone else all the time. You tease Chet about his Irish heritage. You call Roy Pally, yet you criticize his cooking. You criticize Docs Brackett and Morton all the time for being hard-nosed. Johnny, people are always going to do things we may not like, but it isn't your place to judge. Everyone does things in their own way."

"Rod's right," Marco agreed. "Would it hurt you just to obey an order without question or argument for once? Would it hurt you to keep your opinions to yourself sometimes? Johnny, you're a very outspoken guy, you need to learn when to shut up."

"Johnny, if you don't like someone, don't deal with that person." Firefighter Fred Brooks said. "There's no rule that says you have to have Doc Brackett or Morton treat you. You do have a right to choose your own doctor."

"You also have the right not to eat at the station if you so choose." Roy said. "You can always eat elsewhere or bring your own."

"Johnny, we need for our station to be a family or else it doesn't function." Mike said. "I know we won't always agree, but we do need to be able to work together and get along with each other."

"I know, Guys." Johnny said, softly. "Roy, did I hurt you badly?"

"You broke my nose and gave me a mild concussion." Roy smiled.

"Roy, send the cleaning and doctor's bills to me." Johnny grinned. "I'm sorry I hit you. It was uncalled for. I let my jealousy get out of control."

"Johnny, there's no need to feel insecure. You're loved and welcomed here." Mike said. "Johnny, we need you."

"I've been seeing a shrink since I hit Roy." Johnny said. "Not just as a patient either."

"You mean-?" Roy asked.

"Remember that lady I was with the other night?" Johnny giggled. "She's a sex therapist."

"Johnny, that's unethical! A psychiatrist sleeping with a patient!" Roy said.

"Roy, I'm not her patient. when she comes over, I just tell her things." Johnny replied. "Besides, I've been having problems in the bedroom."

What kind of problems?" Roy asked.

"Some that I would rather not discuss here in present company." Johnny replied. "Roy, can we take a ride in the squad?"

"Sure, John." Roy replied. "We need to get supplies anyway."

Roy and Johnny got into the squad and left the station. As Roy drove, Johnny talked.

"Roy, it seems that every woman I go out with lately wants to have sex on the first date." Johnny began.

"That's a problem?" Roy said. "Most men would kill for that."

"Not me!" Johnny replied. "These women want sex non-stop! I haven't slept in six nights! I'm exhausted!"

"Wow!" Roy replied. "You do have a problem. Have you tried saying no?"

"I do." Johnny replied. "The more I give the more they want."

"You do use protection, right?" Roy asked.

"Of course! After what happened with Sharon, I always do." Johnny replied. "I'm not about to do that again."

"Johnny, what if Sharon had been pregnant? What would you have done?" Roy asked. "Have you ever thought what you'd do if you got someone pregnant?"

Johnny sat in his seat, thinking of an answer.

*****************

Meanwhile at Dixie's apartment, Dix was waiting for an answer to a similar question.

"Dixie, I just wanted Johnny to stay with me." Sharon answered.

"Even if that meant making Johnny a reluctant father?" Dix asked, gently. "Johnny isn't ready for that."

"I couldn't get Johnny to go to bed with me." Sharon replied.

"So you lied to trap him." Dix finished. "Sharon, are you so desperate for love that you'd lie to get it? Sharon, I'm gonna tell you something. If you EVER lie to me, I will be out of your life so fast, your head will spin, understand?"

"Dixie, I know you'd kill me if I lied to you. I know you're not someone to be messed with." Sharon replied. "I knew that two years ago when I first met you. Dix, I know now that I don't have to lie anymore."

"No, you don't." Dix said, caressing Sharon. "If you love me, you won't lie."

"I'm not now when I say I love you." Sharon whispered, then kissed Dixie deeply.

Dixie rocked Sharon as they kissed, holding her tight.

***********************

Back in the squad, Johnny came up with an answer.

"I know I was irresponsible that night." Johnny replied. "I don't know what I would've done if she'd been pregnant. I'm not ready to be a father."

"Junior, it's okay to abstain from sex. It makes you no less of a man to do so." Roy told him. "It's better than having a baby you're not ready for or an STD."

"I use condoms." Johnny replied.

"Condoms aren't one hundred percent. They can break." Roy said. "That's how my son, Chris was conceived."

"He was an accident?" A shocked Johnny asked.

"Yes, he was not planned." Roy replied. "All because of my irresponsibility."

"Roy, it takes two to make a baby! Where's Joanne's responsibility?" Johnny asked. "Wasn't she on the pill or something?"

"John, even the pill isn't a hundred percent effective." Roy replied. "No form of birth control is, accept abstinence. Families should be planned, not on the spur of the moment. Johnny, you were lucky that Dix made Sharon take that pregnancy test."

Johnny realized that Roy was right. As the squad arrived at Rampart, Johnny had one more question.

"Families are expensive, aren't they?" Johnny asked.

"Very," Roy replied. "A child is at least an eighteen year commitment. The older they get, the more they need. You also have to think of their college education."

"Roy, I'll bet I can take care of your baby daughter." Johnny said. "They're not that hard to care for."

"You think so do you?" Roy replied, as they were entering the ER.

"Roy, all babies do is eat, sleep and poop." Johnny said.

"And cry." Joe Early put in, hearing their conversation. "Johnny, babies are not a walk in the park. They always need something."

"Johnny, you think you can take care of Louise? Why don't you baby-sit for us while we're gone this weekend?" Roy invited.

"Okay, you're on!" Johnny replied, confidently. "What about Chris?"

"He'll be staying at a friend's." Roy smiled, wickedly. "Doc, ten dollars John won't last one day with Louise."

"Make it twenty and you're on." Joe replied.

"You've got a deal." Roy smiled.

********************

Promptly on Saturday morning, Johnny arrived at the DeSoto house. Jo handed him their three week old daughter, Louise.

"She's had her morning feeding and changing. She should be ready for her nap in a little while." Roy told Johnny. "The emergency numbers are on the fridge, so's the number of our hotel."

"Don't worry, guys, she'll be fine." Johnny smiled.

"I'm sure she will be." Jo smiled. "Let's go, Roy. Louise, have fun with Uncle Johnny."

The baby gurgled in response as Roy and Joanne left.

"Roy, I wished I'd made some formula for her." Jo worried.

"Jo, Johnny can read. All he has to do is follow the directions on the can." Roy replied as he started their car. "Besides, I want him to see what caring for a baby is really like."

Jo relaxed, reassured by her husband as they left for Los Vegas.

***********************

Inside the DeSoto house, Johnny put the baby down for her nap, then settled on the couch to read about childcare.

An hour later, Johnny heard the baby crying. Going to the crib, Johnny picked up the baby and carried her to the kitchen. Johnny put baby Louise in her high chair then got a clean bottle and nipple from the dishwasher. Johnny then made formula for the baby, following the instructions on the can. The only mistake he made was not checking the temperature of the formula, by testing it on his wrist. Only when he dropped the bottle all over the floor did he realize it was too hot for the baby.

Johnny then remembered that Louise had already had her morning feeding and would not need to eat again for three hours. Johnny then checked the baby's diaper and got quite a suprise.

"EEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a smell!!" Johnny exclaimed, holding the baby with one hand and his nose with the other. Louise was screaming by this time.

"Okay, Kid, hold your horses!" Johnny exclaimed, searching the house for diapers. Going back to the baby's room, Johnny found diapers in the dresser, along with baby wipes and powder. Laying the baby in the crib, Johnny opened her diaper and gagged. He then heard laughter coming from the doorway. Johnny turned to see Hank Stanley standing there.

"Not so easy, is it, Pal?" Hank laughed.

"Cap! Am I glad to see you!" Johnny grinned. "You know more about this then I do."

"Oh, no, you're on your own." Hank told him. "That baby is yours. I just came to see how you're doing."

"How does it look like I'm doing?" John hissed as he put the dirty diaper in the diaperpail, then wiped the baby's bottom with a wipe.

"Johnny, you can call me Hank now. I'm not in the department anymore." Hank replied.

"Hank, am I the one that made you leave?" Johnny asked, as he slid the clean diaper under the kid and powdered her bottom.

"Johnny, I left because I knew you were right." Hank replied. "I am a bad Captain."

"Cap, I had no right to say that." Johnny said, placing the clean diaper under the baby.

As Johnny went to close the diaper, Cap handed him the baby powder.

"Baby's butts chap if you don't put that on." Cap told him. "I failed you and the guys. I wasn't the leader you needed."

"Hank, we didn't make things easy for you either." Johnny replied, shaking the powder.

The powder came out in a huge cloud, making Johnny cough.

"Shit!" He cursed.

"Johnny! Watch your mouth! There's a baby in front of you!" Cap told him.

Johnny turned bright red with embarrassment.

"Sorry." John said, sheepishly, placing the now clean baby back in her crib.

Once the kid was again asleep, John and Hank went into the front room and sat down to watch a football game on the TV.

"John, you must censor what you say in front of that kid. Kids learn by the example you set." Hank told him.

"Hank, Louise can't even talk yet!" Johnny protested.

"Louise can still hear what you say." Hank told him. "Babies learn to talk by copying adults. Would you want shit to be her first word?"

"No," Johnny replied, taking a sip of a soda, he opened earlier. "I'm sorry I said you were a bad Captain."

"You were right, John." Hank said. "When I was promoted, I knew I wasn't ready to be a Captain."

"You know anyone who is?" Johnny asked. "Someone has to do it, Hank."

"It just won't be me anymore." Hank replied.

*********************

At Rampart, Sharon sat in the lounge, writing a note to Johnny. As she wrote, tears of shame streamed down her cheek. She finally realized how much hurt she'd caused Johnny.

Dear, John:

I know you don't want to hear this, but I really am sorry about what happened between us two years ago. I hurt and destroyed you, I know that now. I also know that I was wrong to use you as I did, Dixie helped me see that.

I could give you a list of reasons why I did what I did, but the fact is, my actions hurt you and I make no excuses for them.

I hope we can get together for a talk sometime,

Sharon

Later that night, after getting off work, Sharon went by station fifty-one and placed the note on it's bulletin board while the crew was out on a run. Sharon then quietly left.

*****************

Monday morning, when Johnny reported for his shift, he saw the note from Sharon. Taking it down off the board, Johnny threw it in a waste basket without opening it. He then went to get ready for roll call.

Later, after the chores were done, Johnny sat down to watch TV in the rec room. Roy came in an angry look on his face. He was holding the note from Sharon.

"Care to explain this?!" Roy growled. "I found it in the waste basket unopened!"

"Look, Sharon can apologize all she wants, I'll never forgive her!" Johnny growled back.

"Johnny, she's adult enough to admit she was wrong! Why can't you?" Roy demanded. "You were just as wrong as she was! You just don't want to admit it!"

Johnny ripped the note from Roy's hand and taking a lighter from his pocket, lit the note on fire. Roy watched with shock as it burned. Johnny extinguished the flame with water minutes later.

"Johnny, don't you think you ought to hear Sharon out?" Roy asked. "You owe her that much."

"I owe her nothing!" Johnny snapped.

"Johnny, at lest give her a chance!" Roy yelled.

"No!" Johnny yelled and stomped out back.

Roy sighed and sat on the couch.

Out back, Johnny went to work on the old engine, As he worked, he whistled. All the sudden, a hand snaked under the engine and ripped the badge off his uniform. Johnny rolled out to see Roy standing there, with his badge.

"When you're ready to grow up, you can have this back!" Roy told him, tossing the badge in the air.

"Roy, I earned that badge, I have a right to work here!" Johnny yelled.

"Is that what you think firefighting is, a right?" Roy asked. "Firefighting is a privilege, not a right! You seem to have abused the privilege! I need a partner who can act like an adult! Obviously, you can't do that!"

"Roy-" Johnny protested.

"John, you need to grow up! I am not going to be your baby-sitter anymore! Johnny, you're not wanted here. You are suspended indenifantly. Cap's orders."

"Roy, I didn't do anything wrong!" Johnny argued.

"What do you call not having the decency to hear what Sharon has to say? I call that behavior unbecoming a firefighter!" Roy yelled. "The department and hospital cannot afford to have a firefighter at war with a nurse. So, until you and Sharon work this out, you don't work here!"

Johnny went into the station and straight to Mike's office.

"Johnny, I agree with Roy on this one!" Mike told him. "Your behavior as of late has been horrid and unprofessional! Not to mention childish! I won't have that in my station, understood?"

"I can go to the chief you know!" Johnny said.

"Go right ahead!" Mike yelled. "He'll agree with us!"

Johnny stormed out of Mike's office and after cleaning out his locker, left for home.

****************

Two days later, Johnny, Roy and Mike were in Chief McConikee's office at headquarters.

"Stoker! What the hell is going on in that station?" The Chief demanded, glaring at the three men who sat opposite him.

"Gage here has been acting in a most unprofessional manner!" Mike replied. "First, he walks into the station and strikes his partner, then, he has the nerve to call Hank Stanley a bad Captain, then he causes Chet Kelly to resign. Then, when Sharon Walters tried to apologize for what she did, he blows her off!"

"Since when is this thing between Sharon and I your business?" Johnny asked. "Sharon lied about being pregnant."

"I heard about that, Gage!" The Chief roared. "I think you acted very irresponsibly toward her! It takes two to make a baby! You're just as much to blame as she is for not using protection! Gage, you are a representative of this department twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week! I think that Mike here was right to suspend you!"

Roy and Mike smiled with satisfaction.

"DeSoto, I wouldn't be smiling if I were you. You are not blameless in this." The Chief told him. "You, as senior partner, should've have reminded Gage that anything he does, hurts the department. You are just as responsible as he is for what happened."

"Yes, Sir." Roy replied, softly.

"DeSoto, you are going to educate Gage and your other fellow fireman about safe sex. You are then going to retrain Gage on departmental policy regarding harassment of any type and on women in general." The Chief said. "Gage, you will be temporarily be transferred to Rampart to help out there and receive sensitivity training from Miss McCall. You too, DeSoto."

"Yes, Sir." They both replied.

"Dismissed." The Cheif said.

Johnny and Roy got up and left the office.

Once outside, Roy tore into Johnny.

"Are you happy now, Junior?!" Roy growled. "Now, I'm in trouble too! Thanks alot!"

Roy stormed out to the squad and got in. He then sped away, leaving a crying Johnny behind.

**************

The next day, Roy reported to Rampart, along with Johnny. Both came in separately, as to avoid each other. Dixie set them both down in the lounge.

"I'm ashamed of you fellas!" Dixie hissed. "After the investment that me, Kel and Joe invested in you! You guys repay us by acting so unprofessional! Is that the way we trained you? Is that the way the academy trained you?!"

Johnny opened his mouth to say something.

"You have something to say, Mr. Gage?" Dix asked, getting up in his face.

"No, Ma'am." Johnny replied, looking at the floor.

"You guys are the pioneers of the paramedic program! You guys are the example to the others! Is this the example you want to set?" Dix asked.

Johnny and Roy looked down at the floor, not saying anything.

"If you guys were my sons, I'd swat your butts with a board!" Dix told them. "Johnny, since you insist on acting like such a baby, you're going to help out in the nursery, feeding and changing your peers! Maybe by having little ones depend on you, you'll grow up!"

Johnny got up and left for the nursery. Dix then turned to Roy.

"Dix, I didn't do anything!" Roy said.

"Roy, you did!" Dix told him.

"He's the one who hit me!" Roy argued.

"But you could've stopped it, Roy. You could've stopped this whole mess, if you had just listened to Johnny." Dix said. "You could've talked to him after he punched you. You could've not let Chet and Cap leave!"

"Dix, they choose to leave!" Roy yelled.

"With Johnny's help." Dix replied. "You let Johnny take his anger out on everyone that day."

Roy hung his head, knowing Dix was right. He had failed Johnny.

Down in the nursery, Johnny was already overwhelmed. The head nurse had, at Dixie's suggestion, placed Johnny in total charge of the babies. Johnny was in the middle of diapering one and feeding another. The rest all cried, wailing to have some need met.

"How does it feel, Johnny?" Sharon asked. "How does it feel to be in charge of a bunch of squalling brats!?"

Johnny just glared at Sharon, as he ran from one crib to another, meeting each baby's need.

"Now you know what it feels like to be around you!" She sneered. "I want to hear you admit that you're an overgrown baby!"

"Never!" Johnny hissed.

"What do you call striking your partner? What do you call acting all around irresponsible?!" Sharon sneered. "I call that infantile!"

Johnny clenched his fists in anger.

"You want to hit me, Junior?" Sharon sneered. "You want to hit me just like you hit Roy? Show me what a baby you are! Go ahead, hit me!"

Johnny turned away from Sharon, his anger boiling.

"Look!" Johnny hissed.

"Johnny, this isn't station fifty-one! I outrank you here!" Sharon told him. "I'm the boss now! You do what I tell you."

Sharon picked up a baby and handed her to Johnny.

"She and all the others need changing." Sharon laughed. "Good luck, Junior."

With that, Sharon left the nursery. Johnny sighed and went back to work.

*******************

Roy, meanwhile, was assigned to work as an orderly in the ER. He was angry that he was a licensed Paramedic, yet he was forced to empty bedpans and clean up vomit. Dixie came over just then.

"Roy, the patient in three just vomited." Dix said.

"Okay." Roy sighed.

"Roy, I know this is hard for you, but I think you've become too big for your britches." Dix told him. "You think that being senior partner makes you king of the station. Who does the work on rescues?"

"Johnny." Roy admitted.

"Why does Johnny do most of the work? Aren't you a fireman just like he is?" Dix asked.

"Yeah, but I have a wife and two kids that depend on me." Roy replied. "John doesn't."

"Roy, he has just as much right to live as you do. He has people who love him too." Dix told Roy. "Roy, partnership is about equality, dividing the work equally. Roy, you didn't become a medic by choice, did you? You became one because it was either that or lose your job because you killed your partner!"

A look of suprise crossed Roy's features.

"How'd you know?" He gasped.

"Cap Stanley told me." Dix replied. "Steven Burke had a wife and little girl too, Roy. What do you say to his family?"

With that, Dix walked away to tend to other matters. Roy stood at the desk, crying silently.

******************

Later that afternoon, Roy DeSoto made his way to station fourteen, where he used to work prior to joining the paramedics. Roy made his way inside the apparatus bay, where he was met by Captain Bob Stieger. The gray-haired man looked at him through narrowed eyes.

"DeSoto, I thought I told you not set foot in this station again!" Stieger hissed. "How could you even have the nerve to show your face here?"

"Cap, I've been living with what happened to Steve ever since that day." Roy softly replied. "I relive that day over and over in my dreams at night."

"DeSoto, you have your family. Will the Burkes have their father again?" Stieger asked. "Tell me that."

"Cap, I did everything I could to save him!" Roy cried.

"No, you did everything to save yourself!" Steiger yelled. "It was always about Roy DeSoto! It always has been! Are you going to kill John Gage too someday? Are you going to leave him to die like you did Steve?"

With that, Steiger went inside his office and shut the door. Roy solemnly walked out to his truck and headed home.

**************************

When he got home, Roy went to the basement and locked himself in. Joanne knew that when Roy did that, he wanted to be alone, so she just let him be. Once alone, Roy pulled out some old photos of him in his days as a rookie fireman at 14's. As Roy looked at the images of himself and Steve Burke, tears of guilt came to his eyes.

"If only I had warned you to get out of the way." Roy said to the image of Steve. "You'd still be alive now. I'm so sorry."

Roy's tears splashed onto the photo as he cried.

As Roy cried, he came to a decision. Closing the album, Roy went back upstairs. He entered the kitchen where Jo was cooking dinner.

"Jo, I'm resigning from the fire department." Roy told her.

"Honey, why?" A concerned Jo asked.

"You know why." Roy softly replied. "I no longer want to be responsible for someone else's life on the job. I killed one partner, I don't want to kill another."

"Roy, what happened to Steve was an accident." Jo told him.

"Tell that to the guys at 14's." Roy replied. "I went by there on my way here. Steiger still hates me."

"So, that's what this is about." Jo guessed. "Roy, you're letting your guilt cloud your judgment. I think you need to talk to Johnny about this. Tell him what happened that day."

"Honey, we aren't exactly on speaking terms." Roy told his wife. "He and I had a fight."

"Roy, Johnny is your best friend! You two need to get together and talk this out, just the two of you." Jo told him.

"Jo, he got me in trouble for things he did!" Roy replied. "I'm paying for his behavior!"

"No, Royal, you're paying for yours!" Jo snapped. "You were the one that was supposed to train him!"

"Whose side are you on?!" Roy yelled. "I thought my wife was supposed to support me!!!"

"Roy, I can't support you on this!!!" Jo argued. "You made mistakes, you just don't want to admit it! You never could see beyond how things affected you! You have never taken any responsibility for anything you did!"

"Like?" Roy roared.

"Like that night we conceived Chris! You didn't bother to check to see if the damn condom had any holes in it, yet you lecture John about using protection?!!!! Some example you are!!!" Jo yelled.

Roy turned away, hurt in his heart.

"I thought you loved me." Roy gasped. He then went upstairs, packed an overnight bag and left.

"Roy! Come, back, Roy! I'm sorry!!!" Roy heard Joanne yell as he pulled away in his car.

*******************

Roy ended up at Rampart on the lounge couch. He fixed himself a peanut butter sandwich from stuff in the fridge. As he ate, he thought he got his just deserts.

********************

"Royal, Royal! Wake up!" A voice demanded.

Roy opened his eyes to see an overweight man with gray hair and blue eyes standing over him.

"We have alot to talk about, Royal!" The man said.

"Who are you?" Roy demanded.

"I'm you 25 years from now." The man replied. "I'm here to warn you that if you don't change your ways, your future will be bleak."

Roy noticed the man woe a firefighter's duty uniform with Captain's bars attached.

"So, you did stay in the department." Roy commented.

"Yes," Older Roy replied. "Not as a medic though. I am now the Captain of station fifty-one's A-Shift."

"So, I will make Captain then." Roy grinned.

"Yes, but you will pay a price for those bars. Come with me." Older Roy invited, taking Roy's hand.

Roy gasped as felt himself floating away from Rampart. Soon, he found himself standing outside a museum.

"Royal, you are now 25 years in the future." Older Roy told him. "We are standing outside the LaCo fire museum. Go inside."

Roy made his way inside and looking around, saw squad 51 on exhibit, along with the engine. Roy also saw the old medical equipment that he and Johnny used. Roy was in for more of a shock when he saw more squads there.

"Royal, the stations in Los Angeles County stopped using squads after the paramedic program was shut down 10 years before." Older Roy said. "The engine crews now handle rescues as well as fires."

"What do they do if someone is injured?" Roy inquired.

"The ambulances are now manned by EMT's and nurses." Older Roy replied.

"Why was the paramedic program shut down?" Roy asked.

"Why else? Money." Older Roy replied. "The people of LA got tired of firefighters playing doctor with their money. Come, I have more to show you."

Roy soon found himself outside Station fifty-one. Older Roy led him inside. As Roy looked around the station, he was amazed by all the changes. Roy watched as the fireman filed in.

"Hey, John." One said. "Are you nervous about the inspection today?"

"Why should I be?" The young man with dark hair and blue eyes replied.

"It's your dad that's inspecting us." The firefighter replied. "Doesn't that scare you?"

"No," the young man grinned, crookedly.

"My, God! is that Johnny?" Roy asked.

"No, that is John Gage II, your partner's son." Older Roy replied, as they watched the scene unfold.

Roy watched as a man in a chief's uniform entered the station.

"Ten hut!" Roy heard himself shout.

All the fireman came to attention.

"Captain DeSoto, station looks good, carry on!" The Chief ordered.

"Thank you, Chief Gage." Older Roy replied, saluting. "Would you care for some coffee?"

"No thank you, Captain. Joanne has supper waiting for me at home." The Chief grinned evilly,

"Hi, Dad." John the second grinned.

"Hey, Son, we still goin' fishing this weekend?" The older John asked.

"You bet, Dad." John the second replied. "We'll leave right after end of shift tomorrow."

With that, the Chief left the station. Older Roy headed into his office and shut the door. Roy went inside and found Older Roy, crying.

"Joanne left you for Johnny." Older Roy sobbed. "John II is her and Johnny's son."

Roy gasped in shock.

"Why did she leave me for him?" Roy asked, softly.

"Joanne got tired of you." Older Roy replied. "She got tired of being married to a louse!"

"I am not a louse!" Roy yelled.

"Royal, we are a louse! We never helped out at home, we never helped out a the station! You weren't that fun to be around!" Older Roy argued. "When you came home, you just wanted to sit in your damn recliner all day long! You never lifted a finger!"

Roy hung his head in shame.

"Johnny was alot more willing to talk then you were, he was also a better listener." Older Roy continued. "Let's face it, Johnny's the better husband and man!"

"I want to see what my kids will look like!" Roy demanded.

"Royal, are you sure? You may not like what you see." Older Roy warned.

"Dammit, I want to see them!" Roy roared.

Roy next found himself outside a state hospital.

"They must work here." Roy grinned.

"Afraid not." Older Roy replied. "Your son and daughter are patients here. Chris and Jenn both suffered nervous breakdowns five years before. They were trying to be firefighters to please Johnny, but the pressure made them snap."

"Where the hell was I?" Roy asked. "I'm their father."

"Royal, you haven't been in their lives since Johnny adopted them after he and Joanne married." Older Roy replied. "You gave up custody as a part of the divorce settlement."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Roy sobbed. "I want to go back, make things right!!!"

"Roy! Roy! Wake up!" He heard Dix's voice demand, shaking him. "Wake up!"

Roy opened his eyes to find himself back on the couch at Rampart. Dix smiled down at him.

"You were having one heck of a dream. I heard you scream all the way down the hall." Dix smiled.

"Sorry, Dix." Roy blushed. "Did I wake the dead?"

"No, but you woke a few living patients." Dix laughed. "What are you doing here? Did you and Jo have a fight?"

"Yeah," Roy admitted. "We've been fighting alot recently, over little things."

Dix nodded, understandingly as she sat down beside Roy.

"Roy, have you two thought about separating for awhile?" Dix asked. "Maybe some time apart is what's called for here."

"Dix, what the hell is happening to me?" Roy whispered. "I thought my life was on solid ground."

"Roy, Dix's right." Jo said, coming into the room, with two suitcases. "Maybe we do need to be apart."

"Jo, I love you." Roy pleaded.

"Roy, I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore." Jo replied, softly. "Roy, we were too young when we got married, neither one of us knew what we wanted at the time. As time went on, it was obvious that you had feelings for Johnny. You love him, don't you?"

Roy sobbed as he nodded.

"Roy, I hope you understand. I feel like me and the kids are only holding you back." Jo continued. "You deserve your freedom to do what you want, when you want. Roy, this divorce will be amicable, for the kid's sake."

"I understand." Roy replied, wiping his tears. "I'll live up to my end of the premarital agreement. Maybe our marriage was over a long time ago, we just didn't want to admit it."

"I just came to bring you your stuff and the divorce papers." Jo said. "Good-bye, Royal, I will miss you."

"And I you, Joanne." Roy sobbed, as she kissed his wet cheek, then left.

Dixie took Roy's hand. She didn't know what to say to comfort him at that moment

"Dix, will you find Johnny for me? I need to talk to him." Roy requested.

"Sure," Dix replied and left for the nursery.

When Dix arrived at the nursery, she found Johnny asleep in a rocking chair. She went over and shook his shoulder. Johnny opened his eyes.

"Sorry, Dix," John mumbled, sleepily. "Babies wore me out."

"It's alright, Johnny." Dix replied. "Your relief should be here in a minute. Meanwhile, I've got some bad news for you, Roy and Joanne are divorcing."

"That's too bad." Johnny replied, sadly.

"Johnny, Roy really needs you now. He needs a friend." Dix told him.

"I'm not sure it should be me." Johnny muttered. "I've caused him enough trouble."

"Johnny, that's all water under the bridge. Roy really wants to talk to you!" Dixie snapped.

"Dix, I can't!" Johnny replied. "I'm not what Roy needs now."

As soon as the next shift of nurses arrived, Johnny got up to leave for home.

"Johnny, go talk to Roy." Dix said.

Johnny just shook his head and walked out of Rampart. Dix sighed and left the nursery herself.

*******************

Returning to the ER lounge, Dix knelt down in front of Roy, who was still crying.

"Roy, I tried." Dix told him.

"That's okay, Dix, thanks anyway." Roy sobbed. "I think I'll just go to a motel."

"You really shouldn't be alone now. Why don't you come home with me instead?" Dix invited.

"Dix, I don't want to put you out." Roy sniffed.

"Roy, you really need someone to talk to about this," Dix insisted. "Better me then a psychiatrist."

Roy smiled.

"Okay, Dix, I give." Roy smiled.

"Good." Dix smiled. "You'll love my fried chicken."

When they arrived at Dixie's apartment, Dix motioned Roy to her couch.

"Dix, why won't Johnny talk to me? I need him now more then ever!" Roy sobbed.

"Honey, Johnny does not feel that he's the one you should talk to about this." Dix replied.

"Maybe he's right." Roy whispered. "He's never been married. He wouldn't know how I feel right now."

"How do you feel right now?" Dix softly asked.

"Hurt. I thought Joanne loved me!" Roy yelled. "How could she leave me like that!? How could she say she wasn't in love with me!?"

"Roy, over time, feelings change. Jo knew that you weren't happy and neither was she. How old was Jo when you and she first married?" Dix asked.

"She was sixteen, I was twenty-one." Roy replied. "It was just before I went into the Army."

"Jo was just a young girl then." Dixie said. "I don't think either one of you knew what you wanted then. You both were just starting out,"

"Dix, I loved her so much then." Roy sobbed. "I was being shipped to Vietnam. I wanted to be sure that she would wait for me."

"Roy, she was just a girl, certainly not ready for marriage." Dix told him. "You don't marry so you can be secure."

"Man, she gave up her education for me. She got her GED later, after the kids were older. She never had a life that was her own!" Roy sobbed. "I took her life away from her!"

"Roy, Jo loved you so much, she wanted you to have the perfect little wife. That's what she told me." Dix told him. "She thought that was what you wanted. She just wanted to make you happy."

"Hell, I certainly didn't make her happy!" Roy sobbed. "I was so caught up in my damn job, that I was blind to her feelings, her needs! How lonely she must have been, with me gone all the time!"

"Roy, your job is not a nine to five thing! Joanne knew that! She also knew how risky that job was!" Dix reminded Roy. "She knew what she was getting into when you got accepted to the fire academy! Her best friend is a fireman's wife."

"Still, I was not much of a husband and father." Roy replied.

"You did the best you could given the demands of your job." Dix argued.

"The question is, what am I going to do about Johnny?" Roy wondered.

"Roy, are you in love with him?" Dix asked. "Be honest."

"Dixie, I have feelings for him, yes." Roy replied. "I don't know how to describe them. Everytime I see him, my heart just sings."

"I sense a but here." Dix said, softly.

"I'm just not sure if I want that kind of relationship with him." Roy continued. "He's a great guy. I don't want to hurt him like I did Joanne. He may not even want me."

"Roy, you'll never know, unless you try." Dix replied. "Johnny may have loved you too all this time. You're free now to find out whether Johnny loves you too."

"I don't even know how to begin to approach him. He won't even talk to me." Roy reminded Dix.

"He may be afraid to face his own feelings." Dix replied. "The idea of loving you may scare him. It did Sharon with me."

SIX MONTHS LATER..............

Roy and Joanne's divorce had been finalized. Roy was not as sad as he thought he would be. In the past six months, Roy had moved into an apartment not far from station forty-four, where he now worked.

Roy had decided not to return to station Fifty-one right away because he did not want his friends there feeling sorry for him. He did not want their sympathies. Roy faced his new life alone, with dignity and grace.

He also did not want to face Johnny right away. He needed time to sort out his feelings for him. Royal DeSoto had established his own identify. His life had been connected with Joanne's for so many years, that after she left, Roy realized that he also had no life of his own during his marriage.

For Roy, being on his own was a whole new experience. He had never experienced being single until now. Roy knew now what it was like to be Johnny, to live his life. Roy had dated a couple of times, but it was an uncomfortable experience for him. Roy sat in his recliner, relaxing after a long shift.

Being on my own is kinda fun. Roy thought, smiling. It's great to do what I want, when I want.

Just then, there was a knock on the apartment door. Roy got up and went to answer it. Opening the door, Roy saw Johnny standing there.

"Junior, what are you doing here?" A suprised Roy asked.

"Roy, we have alot to talk about. Can I come in?" Johnny asked.

"Junior, now is not a good time." Roy replied. "I just need to be alone."

"Roy, you've been alone for the last six months!" Johnny protested. "We miss you at the station!"

"That's the last thing I want. A station full of bleeding hearts telling me how fucking sorry they are about me and Jo! I don't need that from you or them! Please, just leave me alone!" Roy growled.

"Fine!" Johnny yelled. "Let me know when you're ready to rejoin the world of the living!"

Johnny turned and left as Roy closed the door.

Good riddance! Roy thought as he resumed his reading,

**************

The next morning, when Johnny reported for duty at station fifty-one, Cap Stoker came to greet him. Mike noticed that Johnny seemed down in the dumps.

"Johnny?" Mike asked.

"Cap, I went to see Roy. He wouldn't even talk to me!" Johnny cried.

"Johnny, I know you mean well, but Roy is going through a rough time adjusting to his single life." Mike told him. "He doesn't want our sympathies. He just wants his privacy. I say we respect that."

"I just think it's time he got on with his life." John said.

Mike led Johnny into his office and shut the door. Johnny sat down in a chair near the desk.

"Johnny, Roy and Jo were married for twenty years! You don't get over something like that in six months!" Mike told him. "Roy needs his space so that he can adjust. You were invading his privacy."

John hung his head.

"I was only trying to help." John softly said.

"John, I know." Mike gently said. "Sometimes, you just go overboard with it. Johnny, back off for now. We all are. Trust me, Roy will transfer back when he's ready."

"Cap, I miss him so much." Johnny sobbed.

"We all do, but we can't make him come back. He has to want to." Mike said. "He has to return when he's ready."

Johnny got up and left the office, Mike's words ringing in his ears. As he went into the dayroom, Johnny decided to give Roy what he wanted.

Okay, DeSoto, I'll leave you alone, forever! Johnny thought.

********************

The day after his visit with Roy, Johnny put in for transfer to another station. He felt that things at 51's would never be the same without Roy. Johnny just wanted a place where he wouldn't be constantly reminded of his partner.

**************

Roy, meanwhile, sat alone in his apartment with his photos of Jo and his kids. He missed them so.

Johnny will never understand the pain I feel now. Roy thought. I hope that someone divorces him so he'll know what it's like to be left the way I was. I hope he spends the rest of his life alone!

Roy sighed as he closed the album. Just then, there was a knock at his door. Roy got up and went to answer it. Opening the door, Roy saw an angry Dixie standing on the other side. Dixie, even though she was shorter then Roy, shoved her way past him into his apartment.

"Dix, why are you here and what do you want?!" Roy growled.

Dix slapped Roy hard across the face.

"Royal DeSoto, what has gotten into you?" Dix demanded. "You have been behaving obnoxiously toward everyone for six months since Jo left! I'm telling you now I'm tired of it!"

"Dix, I just want to be left alone! Why can't everyone understand that?!" Roy screamed. "Why can't you and Junior leave me the fuck alone?!"

"Because we care about you, that's why!" Dix yelled back. "Roy, it's been six months since anyone's seen you! Everyone's worried, especially Johnny! He's afraid you might not come back to 51's!"

"I may not." Roy said, softly as tears rolled down his face. "Everything and everyone I see reminds me of Joanne."

Dixie took a quietly crying Roy into her arms.

"Roy, I know what a broken heart feels like." Dix gently replied. "I've been where you are now. You see, I was married briefly right after high school. Me and Dennis, that's his name, were so in love or at least I thought we were."

"What happened to change that?" Roy sniffed.

"One day, after returning from our honeymoon, I came home from nursing school to find Dennis making love to another woman in our bed!" Dix replied. "Seeing that was like being stabbed in the chest."

"That must've hurt so bad." Roy sobbed.

"It did." Dix nodded. "I holed myself up in a motel room for over a year. All I did was sit in the dark and cry. School didn't matter anymore, nothing mattered to me anymore."

"That's how I feel now." Roy agreed.

"Roy, you have to do what I did. Pull yourself out of this and rejoin the world!" Dixie advised. "Lean on your friends to help you through this."

"I don't want their sympathy." Roy said, firmly.

"Roy, they only wanna help." Dix replied. "Let us help you. Call Johnny and have a men only night. I think John understands more then you give him credit for."

Roy thought it over and decided to take the head nurse's advice.

"I'll do it." Roy replied, wiping his tears.

"You'd better do it before John transfers to another station." Dix warned. "He put in for transfer today."

"He what!?" A shocked Roy exclaimed as he rushed to the phone to call Johnny.

Roy dialed Johnny's number and waited impatiently for Johnny to answer.

"Come on, John, pick up!" Roy muttered.

Roy sighed as the phone kept ringing. He finally hung up, sighing.

"He must be out." Roy told Dixie. "That's okay, he probably wouldn't talk to me anyway."

"Roy, are you just going to let John leave?" Dix asked.

"Dix, what can I do?" Roy replied. "John Gage is a grown man. If he wants to leave, let him! It's his choice not mine!"

Dix knew that Roy was right. Roy was not responsible for John.

********************

Johnny, meanwhile, was hanging out at a gay bar, looking for a date for the night.

What was I thinking being attracted to Roy? Johnny thought. Roy is too old for me! Way too old! He's also not physically attractive to me.

As Johnny sat drinking his beer, he watched all the other men dancing on the dance floor with their partners. None were turning the dark-haired fireman on, so he just vowed to be alone that night. Finishing his beer, John got up to leave. As he started for the door, he felt a hand on his collar.

"Excuse me, Sir," A voice boomed. "Were you going to leave without paying?"

Johnny turned to see a tall, muscular man, holding him by his collar.

"Uh, no, Sir," a shaking Johnny replied, reaching into his pants pocket.

Johnny panicked when he realized his wallet wasn't there.

Oh no, I must've left my wallet in my work pants! Johnny thought.

"Please, Sir, don't hurt me. I left my wallet at home." Johnny explained. "I can go home and get it."

The bouncer dragged Johnny into a back room and shoved him into a chair.

"You wait here for the boss!" The bouncer growled.

The bouncer then left the room, locking the door behind him. Johnny waited nervously for two hours until the door was unlocked and a shorter, heavyset man entered along with the bouncer.

"Guido here tells me you forgot your wallet." The shorter man said. "I hate freeloaders!"

"Sir, It wasn't my intention to stiff you!" Johnny argued. "I left my billfold at home. If you let me go and get it, I'll pay you when I come back, honest!"

"Look, how would I know that you'd keep your word?" The short man asked. "You're not going anywhere! Guido, take this freeloader upstairs! He's going to be my slave!"

Johnny was pulled to his feet and his arms restrained by Guido. He was then dragged upstairs to another room. Once there, Guido pointed to a pile of dirty dishes.

"You will wash every one of those!" Guido commanded. "They'd better be spotless when you're done or else!"

"Or else what?!" Johnny challenged.

Guido grabbed Johnny's cock and squeezed it, painfully. Johnny went to his knees, tears of pain on his face.

"You gonna fight me, Redskin?!" Guido growled. "You think you're a big, tough man, don't you?!"

"No, Sir!" Johnny cried.

"You have a bad attitude! I'm gonna break you, Tonto! I'm gonna put you in your place!" Guido threatened.

Johnny was helpless as the bouncer kicked and hit him repeatedly. The bouncer had at least two feet and three hundred pounds on Johnny. The beating lasted for some thirty minutes, until the younger man was bleeding profusely and shaking, uncontrollably. Johnny did not cry out, however.

I will not give this brute the satisfaction of seeing me cry! A determined Johnny thought as the bouncer walked away and Johnny lost consciousness

********************

The next day at station fifty-one, Hank received a call from Chief McConikee stating that Johnny had never reported for duty. When Hank told Roy and the rest, Roy immediately called in a replacement for the rest of the shift, then sped to Johnny's house. Getting no answer there, Roy then went to Rampart.

"Dix, has Johnny come by here?" A breathless Roy demanded as soon as he ran inside the ER.

"No, Roy, he hasn't." Dixie replied. "Is something wrong?"

"He never showed up for duty at 114's." Roy explained. "I tried his house, no answer."

A look of concern crossed Dix's features.

"That's not like him." She whispered. "That's not like him not to call in if he's sick or something."

"Dix, can I use your phone? I have to call the police." Roy cried, panic taking over.

"Royal, Johnny is an adult. The police cannot do anything for twenty-four hours!" Dix told Roy. "Let's wait a day and see if he shows up. I'm sure he's alright."

"You may be right, Dix. Johnny may just have gone camping somewhere. He may have just wanted to be alone." Roy admitted, calming down.

"Yeah," Dix agreed. "Roy, knowing Johnny, he's off by himself somewhere. I'm sure he'll be back in a day or two."

*******************

Across town, Guido shook as he looked down at the unconscious young man.

The boss is gonna kill me if he sees this! Guido thought, nervously, holding Johnny's LaCoFd badge and ID in his hand. I killed a fireman!

The boss then entered the room. He was shocked when he saw Johnny.

"What the hell did you do to him?!" The boss growled at Guido. "I didn't tell you to kill him!!!"

"Boss, I didn't mean to! I had to teach him a lesson! He challenged me! I had to break him!" Guido sobbed.

"Is he alive?" The boss asked.

"How should I know? I ain't no doctor!" Guido sniffed. "Honest, I never meant to hurt him this bad!"

"Now, what are we gonna do? We can't keep him here! The cops would be on us like that!" The panicked boss exclaimed. "If they find him, we'll get the chair for sure!"

"Boss, this bum's a fireman!" Guido said, handing the short man Johnny's badge.

"Oh great! Can things get any worse?!" The boss hissed. "His fellow fireman will be after us too!"

"Boss, I have an idea. Let's dump him in San Francisco bay." Guido suggested.

"No! We do have to get rid of him though." The boss agreed. "Take him into San Francisco and dispose of him somehow and destroy his ID."

"Okay, Boss." Guido nodded.

Guido then hefted Johnny over his shoulder and carried him out to his van which was parked out back of the bar Starting the motor, he then drove Johnny to San Francisco. Pulling up to a trash dumpster, Guido lifted Johnny from the van and unceremoniously dumped him inside.

"Worthless Redskin!" Guido muttered as he walked away.

*****************

Back in LA, A missing person's report was filed on John Roderick Gage. Roy's worry was etched in his face as was the rest of A-Shift's. The Chief had placed Roy on administrative leave so that he could help in the search for his partner. The rest of the guys were going on with life as usual, though it was hard with their friend missing.

Roy felt the most guilt over his treatment of Johnny in the past six months. He felt bad that when Johnny had offered his friendship, he'd pushed it away simply out of his pride.

If only I had treated Johnny better, this wouldn't have happened. A guilt ridden Roy thought as he sat at the kitchen table of station fifty-one with the rest of the guys. Cap came over to Roy and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Roy, why don't you go on home?" Hank suggested.

"I can worry here or at home. It makes no difference." A depressed Roy replied. "Cap, If only-"

"What, Roy?" Hank gently prompted.

"If only I'd told Johnny I loved him!" Roy sobbed.

*******************

As the days passed, The world for Roy DeSoto stood still. His life was nothing without Johnny. Johnny was his everything.

Johnny, I will get you back if it is the last thing I ever do. Roy vowed to himself as he drank his now cold cup of coffee. Dix and Kel had joined Roy and the rest in their vigil at the station. Nobody said a word to anyone else as the days wore on. Roy spent most of his time in the dorm thinking of all the thing he wished he had told Johnny.

Kel noted that Roy had grown pale and drawn. Kel had also noted that Roy had stopped eating and sleeping. Brackett feared that Roy would collapse if something was not done. When everyone else went to bed, Brackett approached Roy with a sedative. Before Brackett could inject it however, Roy grabbed his hand.

"No! I don't sleep til I know Johnny's safe." Roy hissed. "If you come near me again with that needle, I will break your hand!"

"Roy, you think you're helping Johnny by killing yourself?" Brackett asked. "We all care about John, but we have to take care of ourselves too!"

"Yeah, Sure!" Roy griped. "You're not the one who caused your best friend to disappear!"

"DeSoto, get some sleep, that's an order!" Hank stepped in.

"Go to hell!!!" Roy hissed.

All stood in shock as Roy turned to leave.

"I gave you an order!" Hank yelled.

"Screw your orders!!!" Roy yelled, throwing his badge at Hank, then storming out of the station.

Dix went after him. She watched as Roy got into his truck. She quickly got in on the passenger side and took the keys from the ignition.

"Give me my keys!" Roy growled.

"Not until you've had some sleep!" Dix told him, Injecting the sedative into his arm.

Roy swung weakly at Dix as the medicine took effect.

"You had no-" Roy slurred, then drifted off to sleep.

"Yes I did. I care about you." Dix whispered to a snoring Roy as she carried him back into the station. Cap took Roy from Dix and carried him into the dorm where he placed Roy on his bunk. After tucking Roy in, Cap rejoined the others in the kitchen.

"I hope he sleeps for awhile." Cap said. "He sure is a grouch when he's tired!"

***************

Life for Johnny meanwhile had been a blur of pain and confusion. Johnny had awakened two days after being placed in the dumpster by Guido. Johnny lay in the smelly dump for another two days after that, too weak to move or call out for help. Johnny finally was found by a trash man who came to empty the dumpster and was taken to a local hospital by ambulance.

As Johnny slowly healed and his head started to clear, the memory of the past few days came back to him. The memories caused nightmares for Johnny that kept him awake most nights. Johnny stayed quiet most days, not speaking to anyone.

The worried doctors insisted that Johnny see a psychiatrist, but John refused, just wanting to go back to Los Angeles and his friends. The doctors finally agreed to send John back to LA teen days after the beating. When Johnny arrived at LAX, he just wanted to go home to his own bed. Brackett, however, wanted Johnny at Rampart, but Johnny decked Brackett and told his friends to leave him alone.

"Johnny, come back here!" Kel shouted, but Johnny just drove away in his Land Rover, which Chet had driven over from the station. Dix shook her head as she led Kel to her car.

"Kel, Johnny has been through alot. He just needs time to get himself together before dealing with any of us." Dix told him. "He just got out of one hospital. yet you want him in another!"

"Dix, he needs medical care!" Kel growled, rubbing his bruised jaw.

"No, Kelly, what Johnny Gage needs is his space to heal emotionally and psychologically. He needs to be in his own home and bed. He needs room to breathe." Dix told the handsome doctor. "No hospital or medical book can provide that type of healing, nor can any shrink!"

Kel sighed in frustration. To Kel, anything that wasn't in a book or scientifically proven was not believable.

"Dix, I just can't see how Johnny's tribal mumbo jumbo does any good!" Kel protested.

"Johnny believes it does. That's what counts." Joe Early put in "I also think that a good dose of Roy DeSoto would be good for Johnny. There's no greater healer in the world then love and friendship."

"Roy would be the best medicine that Johnny can have right now." Dix added. "Who better then your best friend to talk to?"

"Alright!" Kel said. "I know when I'm outnumbered! I guess I've never had a friendship like Roy DeSoto and Johnny Gage have."

"Honey, you have a best friend, Me," Dix reminded him as they drove away from the airport in her car. "We are as close as Roy and John are, if not closer. You and I have known each other forever."

*****************

No one heard from Johnny Gage for two weeks after his return to LA, not even Roy. Roy knew that the one thing Johnny wanted was his privacy and he insisted that the others from 51's and Rampart respect that. When another two weeks went by without hearing from Johnny, they all began to worry, but they didn't act on it, figuring Johnny would come back when he was ready.

Then, a month went by with no word. Chief McConikee came to station fifty-one to talk with Cap and Roy. Once in the office, the Chief got to the point.

"DeSoto, have you heard from Gage at all?" McConikee asked.

"No, Sir, not since he came back from San Francisco." Roy replied.

"The department hasn't either." The Chief said. "I can't keep waiting for Gage to come back. I have to discharge him from the fire service. We can't afford to keep paying Gage when he hasn't been on duty for a month. That's not fair to the firemen who are on duty."

"Chief-" Roy protested.

"DeSoto, you will be assigned a new partner. Life has to go on, Son." The Chief told him. "With or without John Gage, we must move forward."

Roy stormed from the room, sobbing. Hank glared at his superior.

"John Gage is Roy's best friend! You can't just expect Roy to forget about him!" Hank protested.

"Hank, DeSoto cares about Gage, I know that! I also know that this station has to be fully staffed with two functioning Paramedics! I can't keep a temporary team on the squad indefinitely! Roy will get a new partner and that's that!" The Chief yelled.

"Yes, Sir." Hank muttered, as the Chief left the station.

Out back of the station, Roy DeSoto sat crying on the hood of his car, the Chief's words still ringing in his ears. Roy knew in his heart of hearts that the Chief was right. Roy knew that if Johnny hadn't returned by now, he probably wasn't going to.

Roy hated the thought of being paired with a rookie partner all over again, but he also knew that the department needed him to move on. Roy knew that he needed to move on, not only for himself, but his kids as well. Roy knew what he had to do. Going back inside the station, Roy waited for his new partner to arrive.

TWO YEARS LATER........

Captain Roy DeSoto sat at his desk at station eighty-six, which he was now in command of. He and his men had just returned from a suspected arson at a local hospital. Roy was filling out reports on the fire when there was a knock at the door.

"Enter," Roy called.

The door opened and a skinny man with salt and pepper hair entered. This man looked familiar to Roy.

"What can I do for you?" Roy asked.

"I'm here about the hospital fire. I'm a reporter with the Los Angeles Times." The man replied, his voice familiar to Roy.

"My God, Johnny! Is that you? Roy asked.

"Captain DeSoto, I'm here in a professional capacity, not for old home week. Whatever there was between us two years ago is over now." Johnny told Roy. "I'm not one of you anymore."

Roy could see that Johnny had changed alot in two years. He was obviously not the care free young man he had been before.

"Johnny-" Roy said.

"It is Mr. Gage to you." Johnny corrected. "I think I'd better go."

Johnny turned and left the station before Roy could stop him.

****************

When Johnny got back to the Times, his editor was waiting for him.

"Gage, did you get me that story?" Louis Kline asked.

"No, Sir," Johnny honestly replied. "The man that I was to interview was my partner when I was in the fire department. He still thinks I'm the man he knew two years ago."

"I see," The editor replied. "I take it that you two feel as if too much has changed for you to be friends again."

"Sir, I'm not the same person I was then. I share nothing with Roy now." John gushed.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN'T DO THIS STORY BECAUSE IT INVOLVES YOUR OLD PARTNER? WELL, GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE DOING IT!" Kline yelled. "YOU HAVE TO FACE HIM SOONER OR LATER!"

"Sir, I wish you'd send someone else!" Johnny pleaded.

"NO! YOU EITHER GET ME THAT STORY OR YOU'RE FIRED!! GOT IT?!!!" Kline yelled.

"Yes, Sir," A shaken Johnny replied.

Johnny arrived back at station Eighty-six minutes later, ready to do his interview. Waking into the Captain's office, Johnny saw his old friend, Battalion Chief Hank Stanley there, along with Roy.

"John, it's been too long." Hank smiled, as Johnny sat down next to Roy.

"Too long." John agreed, hugging Hank. "You finally made Chief, Huh?"

"Yeah, a month ago." Hank smiled. "I hear you're a reporter now."

"Yeah." Johnny flatly replied.

"You like it?" Roy asked,

"Yeah," Johnny lied, shifting in his chair. "Guys, this is really uncomfortable for me."

"I know why." Roy guessed. "You feel you aren't one of us anymore."

"Yeah," Johnny admitted. "I don't deserve to be here."

"Johnny, I asked the paper to send you." Roy told him. "You and I have alot to talk about."

YOU WHAT!!!????" An enraged Johnny yelled.

"Johnny, Please, hear what I have to say." Roy pleaded. "I have so much to say to you."

Johnny sighed as Hank left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"You have five minutes!" Johnny hissed, looking at his watch.

"Johnny, I love you." Roy told him.

"Roy, I know that! I've known that for seven years!" An annoyed Johnny replied.

"John, I mean I love you." Roy tried again.

It finally dawned on Johnny what Roy meant.

"Roy," Johnny whispered, completely thrown off.

"Johnny, you will meet me tomorrow morning right here!" Roy told him. "We will first have breakfast, then we will rent a boat and sail out until we're on open water, then we will make love to exhaustion! Johnny, as of now, you are mine, got it?"

"Yeah, I never got married." Johnny answered. "It's a date."

"Excellent." Roy smiled, wickedly, then claimed Johnny's mouth hard in a kiss. Roy was delighted when Johnny returned the kiss. When the kiss broke, Roy picked up the phone and handed it to Johnny.

"Call your editor and tell him you quit! You're coming back to the department as my partner!" Roy told a suprised Johnny. "I've missed you so much and I feel you were cheated out of your job two years ago!"

Johnny did not protest as he called the newspaper.When he hung up, he again turned to Roy, who handed him a badge.

"Welcome back, Captain Gage." Roy grinned. "Go get into uniform, we've a station to command."

A grinning Johnny got up and hugged Roy, then went to the lockeroom to change.

When Johnny emerged from the lockeroom minutes later, Roy took him to meet the others in the station.

"Guys, this is John Gage, my former partner on squad fifty-one." Roy introduced. "He will be commanding the station along with me from now on. He is back on the job as of right now."

"This man is a disgrace to the uniform!" Engineer Frank Ford yelled. "He abandoned the department two years ago, now you let him back in like it never happened?"

"Look, I couldn't function as a firefighter then, not after that beating I took!" Johnny retorted. "The Chief was right to fire me then! I was a mess, afraid to even set foot outside my house, afraid to go to sleep! I was afraid of everything after that beating, I could barely eat, much less fight fires!"

"Why didn't you go to a shrink?" Ford asked.

"Look-" Johnny started, but Roy stopped him.

"Johnny had a lot of fear then." Roy put in. "For him to go anywhere was impossible then."

"How did you know?" Johnny asked.

"I would go by your house every morning between shifts and look in the window. I saw how scared you were by the look in your eyes, so I never dared knock on the door." Roy replied.

"Cap, I just don't think I can trust my safety to a man who hasn't been with us for two years." Frank stated. "Things have changed alot in two years!"

"Frank, I understand your concerns and if you want to transfer, you can." Johnny told him. "I'd like you to at least give me a chance to prove myself, though."

"Captain Gage, with all due respect, I just don't think you have what it takes anymore to be a firefighter, much less a Captain!" Ford said. "Captain DeSoto, I would like to put in for transfer to another station."

"Frank, are you sure?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, Cap," Frank replied.

"I'll start filling out the papers. I'll be sorry to lose you, Frank." Roy replied. "Does anybody else wanna transfer?"

All the other guys looked at each other without saying a word.

"Okay then, let's get back to work." Roy replied. "Johnny, my office."

Johnny followed Roy into the office.

"Shut the door." Roy directed.

Johnny did so. Roy then hugged him.

"It's been a long time, Junior. How've you been?" Roy asked as Johnny sat down opposite him.

"Actually, I've been bored stiff!" Johnny replied. "For the last two years, I've been working at the damn Times writing nothing but obituaries! I was suprised when Lou assigned me the fire story. Why did you ask for me to do it?"

"Because, I knew you didn't belong there. You weren't ever any good at writing. Remember the time you tried to write a game show?" Roy laughed.

"Only somebody else had the idea first!" Johnny remembered, laughing with Roy.

"Johnny, you know you belong here, in the department. I thought it was time for you to come back." Roy told him. "I talked to Chief Stoker about it who talked to Deputy Chief McConikee. McConikee said that you could come back on the condition that you be my partner again. I sat the condition that you be promoted to Captain so we'd be of equal rank."

"Roy, Mike's a Chief now?" A shocked Johnny asked. "Stanley outranks Stoker!"

"Hank failed his Chief's test several times after you left." Roy explained. "Stoker passed both his Captain's and Chief's tests his first time out."

"Why did Hank fail his? Did McConikee have anything to do with it?" Johnny asked.

"Hank thinks he did." Roy replied. "McConikee had nothing to do with the testing though. Miller evaluated him."

"Then why did he fail?" Johnny wondered.

"I think the oral questions got him." Roy replied. "He was so flustered that he couldn't get a word out, according to Hank."

"Nerves," Johnny guessed.

"Probably." Roy agreed. "What do you say we go over to Rampart and see an old friend?" Roy suggested.

"Sure," Johnny grinned.

Roy led Johnny to the apparatus bay, where the new squad was parked.

"Well, what do you think of the new squad?" Roy asked.

"They have back seats now?" Johnny asked. "I wished they'd had those when I was still dating women. The fun I could've had!"

"Who says we can't have some fun of our own in the back seat of this squad?" Roy replied, seductively.

"Roy," Johnny blushed. "How naughty of you."

"I'm a very naughty boy." Roy smiled, as Johnny picked up the mic of the CB.

"LA, squad 86 10-7 to Rampart for supplies." Johnny reported.

"10-4, squad 86." The dispatcher's voice came back, as Johnny and Roy left the station.

Minutes later, they arrived at Rampart. Roy and Johnny walked into the ER. Dixie came over and hugged Johnny tight.

"It's been a long time, John Gage." Dix smiled. "We have a physical to conduct on you. Come on."

Roy could tell by the look on John's face that he still hated being examined, but Roy knew that this was the only way that Johnny would cooperate. Johnny knew that as much as he hated physicals, he had to submit if he wanted to be back in the department, so Johnny just went along with Dix, knowing that arguing with her was not wise.

Forty minutes later, Johnny emerged from the exam room, a digusted look on his face.

"I'll get you for this, Roy!" Johnny hissed in his partner's ear.

Johnny then pushed Roy into Dixie's grasp.

"It's your turn now. Dix?" Johnny smirked, watching as a kicking and screaming Roy was dragged into the exam room. Johnny then walked to the base station, laughing all the way to get supplies.

******************

Thirty minutes later, Roy emerged from the exam room, an apologetic expression on his face.

"Johnny, I'm sorry." Roy winced.

"Your butt sore?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah," Roy replied.

"Good! Now you know what the rectal feels like!" Johnny laughed, as they left Rampart.

*******************

Minutes later, they were back in Roy's office at 86's.

"Johnny, I'm sorry I tricked you. It was the only way that I could be sure you had your physical!" Roy told him.

"You could have just asked me to take it!" Johnny griped.

"Would you have cooperated?" Roy asked. "You never used to at 51's."

******************

The next morning, as their shift was ending, the physicals were forgotten. When the next shift arrived, Roy and Johnny got in Roy's truck and headed for the marina where Roy's boat was docked.

"Roy, when did you buy a boat?" Johnny asked, as they were loading their stuff on the boat.

"Right after I made Captain last year." Roy replied, taking Johnny into his arms. Johnny stiffened under Roy's touch.

"John?" Roy asked.

"Sorry, Pally, I'm just a bit nervous." Johnny replied, relaxing in Roy's arms.

"John, there's no need to be nervous. All I want is to love you." Roy told him, holding him tight.

"That's not what I'm nervous about." Johnny admitted. "I'm nervous cause I get seasick."

"Oh yeah," Roy remembered. "I didn't bring any Dramamine, did you?"

"No, I'm going to go get some." Johnny said, quickly, then got off the boat and hailed a taxi as Roy watched. Roy had a bad feeling that Johnny was not coming back.

****************

Roy fear was realized when Johnny didn't return after two hours. Tired of waiting, Roy went for a sail by himself. When he returned the next morning, Roy's first stop was Johnny's house. He knocked on the front door.

"Johnny, it's Roy. Open up!" Roy demanded.

Johnny answered Roy's knock seconds later, dressed in a bath robe, his hair wet from the shower. Roy shoved his way inside and slammed the door shut.

"Why did you stand me up yesterday?!" Roy demanded. "Dammit, Johnny, I just wanna be with you, but you're playing hard to get! Why must you resist?!"

"Roy, I did go to get motion sickness pills, but on my way back, I was paged into work! Huge fire at the coliseums!" Johnny replied. "I just got home a while ago."

"You coulld've called!" Roy yelled.

"Roy, calm down! How could I have called? I was on duty while you were on the damn boat!" Johnny yelled back. "Besides, I puke when I'm on a boat! My stomach can't handle it!"

Roy sighed as he tried to calm down. He knew that Johnny had changed, maybe too much.

"What happened?" Roy asked. "What happened to the John Gage I used to know?"

"He grew up." Johnny replied, flatly.

***************

After leaving Johnny's house, Roy drove to Rampart for some advice and coffee. When Roy arrived in the ER, Dixie McCall was just going on her own coffee break.

"Hi, Dix," Roy grinned. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?"

"Why thank you, Roy." Dix smiled. "I thought you were busy with Johnny today."

"I thought so too. We made it to the boat. Johnny said he needed some Dramamine and left to go get some." Roy stated. "He never came back. I went to his house this morning to find out why he stood me up."

"What was his excuse?" Dix asked as she and Roy headed to the break room.

"He said he got the pills, but on his way back, he was paged into work. Fire at the coliseum." Roy replied. "I have the feeling he was lying."

"Why would he lie, Roy?" Dix asked.

"Because he was uncomfortable being with me and he didn't want to hurt my feelings." Roy replied. "He's changed so much. He's more like Brice then Johnny."

"Roy, what did you expect? Nobody is the same after two years. People change. Did you expect Johnny to be the same kid you knew two years ago?" Dix asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

"I don't know what I expected," Roy answered. "All I know is the John Gage that's here now is a shell of the one I knew."

"Roy, Johnny has grown and matured over those two years. You and he have both changed. You two also have not seen each other in two years, so your relationship is not the same as it was. Roy, give John time to get comfortable with you again before trying to romance him. Get to know each other again." Dix suggested as she rose to leave. "I have to get back to work. Thanks for the coffee."

"No problem. Thanks for the advice." Roy replied.

After Dix left, Roy pulled his wallet from his back pants pocket. Flipping it open, Roy pulled out an old picture of him and Johnny together during their days at station fifty-one. As he looked at the faded photo, Roy knew that he and Johnny had alot of lost time to make up for. After putting the picture back in his wallet, Roy got up and went to the nurse's station.

Roy picked up the phone there and dialed Johnny's number. Johnny answered on the first ring.

"John? Roy DeSoto here." Roy said, into the receiver. "I called because I was wondering if we could get together tonight."

"Sure," Johnny's voice came back. "Why don't you come to my place? We'll throw some steaks on the grill, have a couple of beers and a few laughs. Can you be here at seven?"

"Sure," Roy replied. "Can I bring anything?"

"Yeah, a box of condoms and some lube." Johnny replied. "Roy, I guess you know by now that I lied to you yesterday. Roy, I was scared of being with you alone because I thought you might hate me."

"Hate you? Why would I hate you?" Roy asked.

"Because I abandoned you two years ago." Johnny replied.

"John, you did no such thing! You had been through a horrible ordeal. Who could blame you for wanting to hide away? I don't hate you for that."

Roy heard a sigh of relief from Johnny on the other end of the receiver.

"See you at seven?" Johnny asked.

"I'll be there." Roy smiled, then hung up.

After thanking the nurse on duty, Roy went to the hospital pharmacy and picked up the condoms and lube. Dix smiled at Roy as he walked out of Rampart with the items.

"Good luick with Johnny." Dix said, trying not to laugh at the unsacked items that Roy had just bought. Roy blushed at he got into his truck and headed for home.

**************

At six thirty that evening, Roy DeSoto heard a knock on his door. Roy opened the door to see Johnny standing there, dressed in a shirt a tie.

"Roy, I'm here to bring you to my place." Johnny said. "A proper gentleman always picks up his date. Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Roy grinned, grabbing the condoms and lube.

Johnny extended his arm to Roy.

"May I escort you?" Johnny asked.

Roy linked his arm with Johnny's and was escorted out to Johnny's Land Rover. As they drove toward John's house, Roy knew that by the time this night was over, he and Johnny would no longer be friends, but would start a whole new relationship as lovers.

**********************

When they got to Johnny's ranch, Johnny noticed Roy was sweating.

"You okay, Partner?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah," Roy lied, getting out of the jeep. "Oh, God! I think I'm gonna be sick!"

Before Johnny could react, Roy threw up, covering himself and the ground. Roy turned and ran into the house. John went after him. Roy ran up the stairs and locked himself in the bathroom.

"Roy?" Johnny called. "Are you alright?"

All Johnny could hear was the sound of Roy's sobs and the shower coming on. Johnny felt his friend's pain and wished he could help. Johnny wondered if he should call Dix, then decided the best thing he could do was let Roy be. Johnny knew that Roy was just suffering from nervousness and would feel better in a little while.

Minutes later, Roy emerged from the bathroom, his white hair wet from the shower.

"Johnny, I need some clean clothes to wear." Roy requested.

"You can borrow my robe while I wash your stuff." Johnny smiled, leading Roy into the living room. "I've got just the thing for your belly."

Johnny went into his bedroom and got his robe then went into the kitchen and got a 7-UP from the fridge. Returning to the living room, a grateful Roy took the robe and wrapped it around his nakedness. Johnny then handed Roy the soft drink.

"Thank you." Roy said between sips. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life! Only a teenager would throw up on a date!"

"Roy, it's just nerves! Don't feel ashamed! You're not the only one with butterflies in his tummy!" Johnny replied from his laundry room where he was putting Roy's clothes in his washer.

"You're nervous too?" Roy asked. "Since when do you get scared on a date?"

"Since the person I'm with is the one I plan on making love to all night long." Johnny replied as he came back to where Roy was. Roy gasped to find Johnny standing in front of him wearing nothing.

"Let me take you to bed, Roy, Please." John pleaded.

Roy felt himself grow hard at the sight in front of him. Johnny was still slender, but his chest was now covered with salt and pepper hair. To Johnny, Roy looked even more distinguished with his now white hair and his beer belly.

"Please, Roy. I only want to love you." Johnny repeated.

"John-" Roy whispered, shrinking back, uncomfortably.

Johnny kept advancing on Roy til he had him pinned against a wall. Johnny softy took Roy's mouth with his, the kiss broke when Roy pulled away. Johnny turned Roy's face toward him again and kissed him, softly. It lasted longer this time. When Roy pulled away a second time, Johnny kissed him again, harder.

Roy reluctantly wrapped his arms around Johnny's neck as Johnny pulled him closer. Roy was ready to pull away for air but John kept right on kissing him, not letting him resist. Finally, Roy gave in as his own passion and Johnny's took him into orbit. Johnny finally pulled away, gasping.

"Johnny, are you sure about this? I'm not as young as I used to be." Roy fretted. "I'm getting to be an old man."

"Then you'll be the sexiest old man I've ever seen." Johnny whispered. "Roy, I want you. I want us to grow old together, side by side. I want us to die in each other's arms when the time comes."

"Oh, Johnny!" Roy sobbed. "I need you so much. My heart broke when Joanne left. I swore I'd never love again!"

"Roy, why? Joanne hurt you, I know. Roy, you've been hiding inside that hurt for the last two years. Dix told me that you won't even date anyone!" Johnny said. "Roy, let yourself feel tonight. Let yourself fill with desire as I love you."

"Johnny, I'm so afraid! Roy sobbed.

"Honey, I know." Johnny whispered, holding Roy tight. "What can I do to make your fear go away? Let me love it away. Trust in me and your fears will soon be gone. Roy. let yourself fall in love with me."

"John, I wish it were that simple." Roy sniffed.

"Why can't it be?" Johnny asked, brushing Roy's lips with his own. "You and I have been friends for a long time. This is the next natural step."

"John, I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready for this. I think it would be best if you got dressed now." Roy told him. "I'll call a cab to take me home. Are my clothes dry yet?"

"Roy-" Johnny protested.

"Johnny, please, it's not you, it's me. I'm just not ready." Roy told him. "Please, I hope you understand."

"Yeah." Johnny answered, his back to Roy.

Roy watched as his friend went into his bedroom.

"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!" Johnny called to Roy as he shut the door to his bedroom.

Roy sighed as he sat waiting for his clothes to dry. Johnny had not taken the rejection well and Roy wondered how he and Johnny would be able to function as partners with this between them.

This reunion is not going as I hoped it would. Maybe I should've never asked Johnny to come back to the department. Is there too much between us to be even friends? Roy wondered.

One hour later, Roy got his clothes from the dryer and after dressing, silently left for home in a cab.

*****************

Early the next morning, Johnny Gage went to Rampart to help out in the ER. As he worked, he tried to keep his mind off Roy, but he wasn't succeeding. Images of him and Roy making love entered his mind. The thought of Roy in his arms was overwhelming.

"Johnny, are you just happy to see me?" Dr. Kelly Brackett teased, noticing the growing bulge in Johnny's pants

Johnny blushed when he saw how hard he'd become. His erection throbbed, painfully.

Go down! Damn you, Go down! Johnny's mind screamed. Think of Chet Kelly naked! Think of Brice!

Johnny moaned as his cock throbbed and twitched. Kel grabbed Johnny and dragged him into an empty treatment room. Once the door closed, Kel opened Johnny's zipper and took the throbbing member inside into his mouth.

"AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!!!!!" Johnny screamed as he exploded over and over down Brackett's throat.. "MAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!"

Kel sucked so hard that Johnny was numb from the waist down. Once sated, Johnny leaned against the wall catching his breath.

"Thanks, Doc." Johnny wheezed.

"Having dirty thoughts of Roy again?" Brackett asked.

"Uh, hehmmm." Dix cleared her throat, causing both men to jump. "Since when is sex part of treatment protocol in my hospital?"

"Dix, we can explain." Kel began. "Johnny was just having problems peeing, right, John?"

"Uh, yeah." Johnny put in. "Doc Brackett was just testing my potency."

"Yeah," Kel stammered, feeling his face going red. "Johnny, if you're still having problems in a few days, call me."

"I will, Doc." Johnny nodded, then quickly left the treatment room.

Dix smiled at Kel.

"Is that the new treatment now? Screw a fireman, then call me in the morning?" Dix asked.

"Dix, Johnny and Roy just can't seem to get together. They love each other, they're just afraid to admit it." Kel told his chief nurse. "You saw what the mere thought of Roy did to Johnny."

"That's why you were fucking Johnny in a treatment room?" Dix asked, her eyes flashing with anger. "Well, I've got a prescription for you, Doctor! You get Roy and Johnny to my place this evening or you'll be where Sharon is with me, the dog house!"

"Dix-" Kel protested.

"Kelly Brackett, you either do this or I'll make sure my nurses don't do a thing for you! I'll make sure you and Morton get to do nothing but empty bedpans for a year!" Dixie threatened.

Kel stood helpless as Dixie gave him that glare of hers. Kel knew he had no choice but to comply with her wishes.

"Okay. Get me Roy and Johnny's phone numbers." Kel requested.

"Get them yourself!" Dix growled, handing Kel a local phone book, then leaving.

Heading down the hall to the nurse's station, Dix bumped into Johnny who was mopping the floor. Picking up the bucket, Dixie dumped it's contents all over a suprised Johnny.

"That's what you get for fucking in my treatment room!" Dix yelled. "Next time the urge hits you, go take a cold shower!"

A dripping Johnny just stood there as the head nurse stormed off.

Boy, is she pissed! Johnny thought as he went to get some dry clothes out of his Land Rover.

*******************

When Dix got to the nurse's station, Sharon Walters was waiting for her.

"What the hell do you want!?" Dixie growled.

"We need to talk." Sharon coolly replied, leading Dix into the lounge and shutting the door. "Look, I didn't mean to hurt you! I made a mistake!"

"Is that what you call it, a mistake?!" An angry Dix yelled. "You call being in bed with Joe Early a mistake?! What were you thinking?!"

"Dix, you're the one that went to Hawaii to that nudist camp for three weeks! A person can only take so much loneliness!!" Sharon yelled back. "I'm human, with human wants and needs! Dixie, I was wrong to do that, I know it now!"

Dix sat down across from her lover, knowing that Sharon did have a point.

"Sharon, I'm so sorry." Dix said. "You should've been right by my side at that camp. I shouldn't have left you behind."

"Dix, we were both wrong. I'm a grown woman who should've been able to handle being separated from you for just a little while." Sharon admitted.

"Honey, we'll never be separated again if you'll marry me. Will you?" Dix asked.

"Yes, I will marry you." Sharon whispered, taking Dixie's hand. "I can't believe it's been two years today since we fell in love."

"Has it really?" A smiling Dix asked. "My how time flies."

"It sure does." Sharon agreed. "I remember that night when we first made love like it was yesterday. I remember how scared I was to be with you sexually."

"Oh how you resisted at first." Dix laughed at the memory. "That look on your face when I first told you I loved you."

"It was right here in this office that you told me. I was just a nursing student. I remember I wasn't very polite after you told me. I think I walked out on you." Sharon laughed.

"Yeah, you did. That only made me more determined to make you mine." Dix smiled as she took Sharon into her lap and held her. "I knew that I had to have you that very night."

"You did. You practically shoved your way into my life. From that day, nothing's ever been the same. I love you, Dixie McCall."

"I love you, Sharon Walters." Dix replied, then brought Sharon's mouth to hers in a deep kiss.

After the kiss broke, Sharon was first to speak.

"I wish Roy and Johnny would get their act together and admit they love each other." Sharon said. "What's Roy's hang up anyway? What's he afraid of?"

"He's afraid of hurting Johnny. He doesn't want what happened between him and Joanne to happen again with Johnny." Dix explained. "Roy and Joanne were married for twenty years."

"What happened? I heard she left him." Sharon stated

"Joanne said she wasn't in love with Roy anymore." Dix replied.

"That's too bad." Sharon sighed, shaking her red head. "Roy DeSoto's a wonderful guy. What woman or man wouldn't want him?"

"Johnny Gage sure does, if Roy would only see it. I think Roy loves Johnny, he just afraid to take the plunge." Dixie mused. "If only we could get them together."

"Dix, I think I may know how." Sharon said, the light bulb in her head coming on. "What if I could arrange a blind date for them?"

"That just might work." Dix grinned. "We'll do it at my place. You bring John, I'll bring Roy. Just make sure that Johnny doesn't know Roy's gonna be there and vice versa."

"I'll just tell Johnny I'm looking for an escort to a dinner party tonight." Sharon smiled. "Johnny will jump at the chance."

"It might take some talking to get Roy to come, but I'm sure he'll do it as a favor to me." Dix stated.

"What if they ask who their dates are?" Sharon worried.

"We'll just tell them they're Kel's nieces." Dix replied.

"Dr. Brackett doesn't have any nieces." Sharon reminded Dix.

"Roy and Johnny don't know that." Dix smiled, wickedly.

********************

When that evening came around, Dix had her apartment lit and set for a romantic evening for two. Sharon came up behind Dixie and put her arms around her.

"I hope this works." Sharon said, setting the food on the dining room table adorned with candles.

"I do too." Dix agreed. "I had to beg Roy to come."

"Johnny didn't take much persuading." Sharon said. "When will they be here?"

"I told them to be here at seven sharp." Dix replied, looking at her watch. "They should be here any minute."

The doorbell rang just then.

"Right on time." Dix smiled, going to answer the door.

Opening it, Dix ushered Roy DeSoto inside.

"Hi, Dix, my date here yet?" Roy asked, handing Dix a bottle of wine.

"Not yet," Dixie replied, taking the bottle from Roy. "Why don't you go wait in the bedroom down the hall and I'll let you know when your date arrives, okay?"

"Okay," Roy agreed, going down the hall to Dixie's bedroom.

"Sharon, why don't you go keep Roy company?" Dixie suggested.

Sharon nodded then she too went to the bedroom. Dixie finished setting the table as she waited for Johnny to arrive.

Leave it to John Gage to be late as usual. An annoyed Dix thought as the doorbell again rang.

Dix opened it and let Johnny inside. He too handed Dixie a bottle of wine.

"Thank you," Dix smiled. "What took you so long?"

"Dix, don't you know it's stylish to be a little late to these things?" Johnny grinned. "It heightens the suspense."

"Where did you hear that?" Dixie asked. "From Chet?"

"I read it in Playboy." Johnny grinned.

"I should've known." Dix laughed. "John, it's rude to be late, I don't care what Playboy says. Why aren't you wearing a tie? I asked you to."

"I hate ties!" Johnny whined as Dix ducked into her bedroom.

Dixie grabbed one of the many ties that Kel had failed to retrieve after their many sexual encounters at Dixie's during their romance. She also grabbed a jacket, shirt and slacks that she had bought for Johnny to wear.

Never trust John Gage's fashion sense. He dresses like a teenager! Dix thought as she rushed Johnny into her bathroom and shut the door.

"Strip!" Dix ordered.

Johnny did as he was told. Dixie hustled him into her shower and scrubbed him clean.

"Dix, I bathed before I came over!" Johnny protested.

"And you poured that stinky High Karate all over you!" Dix told him as he stepped out of the shower and dried off. Dix then handed him a starched pair of his boxers. "You left them at Rampart the other day after that fire."

"Oh, I was wondering where those were. Thanks." Johnny grinned, as he put the boxers on.

Dixie then dressed Johnny in the thrown together suit and applied moose to his dark hair to hold it out of his eyes. Finally she put Kel's tie on Johnny.

"Dix, has Doc Brackett always had such bad taste in ties?" Johnny asked as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. "Dix, I look fucking ridiculous!" Johnny whined.

"Stop your whining! You look just handsome in that suit! Your date will flip when he sees you in it!" Dix reassured him, straightening the tie.

"He?" Johnny smiled. "Okay, Dixie, who did you set me up with?"

"Oh, you will absolutely adore him, Johnny." Dix smiled as she applied a splash of Old Spice to Johnny's face that she bought when she bought the suit.

"Is he cute?" Johnny asked.

"Adorable." Dix smiled. "He's dying to meet you."

"Friend of yours?" John inquired.

"Yeah. You'd better treat him right or else you'll be transferred to Rampart to empty trash and bedpans, got it?" Dix told him. "I expect you to be on your best behavior tonight!"

"Yes, Mother," Johnny sighed.

"I mean it, John! You'd better be a perfect gentleman tonight!" Dixie told him as she brushed his hair with a hairbrush.

"Aren't I always?" Johnny teased.

"Yeah, Right!" Dixie teased back, smacking John on the backside. "Let's go. Your date awaits."

Johnny walked out of the bathroom like he was walking on stilts.

"Relax!" Dixie whispered in Johnny's ear as she followed him out to the front room.

"Dix, It's not that!" Johnny hissed back. "You put too much starch in my shorts!"

Dix stifled a laugh as she seated Johnny at the candle lit table.

"Sharon, will you bring in John's dinner companion?" Dix called down the hall.

Seconds later, Sharon walked in with Roy on her arm. Johnny jumped to his feet, a look of delight on his face. Roy, in contrast, wore a look of distress at seeing Johnny. Roy looked like he was going to be sick as Sharon seated him opposite Johnny. Neither man said a word as they stared at each other.

Dixie and Sharon watched, waiting to see what would happen.

"Roy looks like he's gonna faint!" Sharon whispered in Dixie's ear.

Roy suddenly got up and bolted out of the apartment. As the door slammed behind him, Dix turned to John.

"Johnny, I'm sorry." Dix said, softly as she held him.

"It okay, Dix. You tried your best. Maybe I should just accept the fact the Roy doesn't want me and he never will! Nobody will ever love me!" A hurt Johnny sobbed. "Maybe I'm just not worth loving!"

As Johnny cried in Dixie's arms, Sharon went after Roy, who was about to leave in his truck.

"Roy DeSoto, how dare you!!!" An angry Sharon yelled. "Johnny is in our apartment crying his eyes out because of you!!! Don't you see that all he wants is to love you?!"

"Look, you and Dixie had no fucking right to set me up that way!!!" Roy yelled back. "I can't have that kind of relationship with Johnny, now or ever!!! Johnny is my friend and partner, that's all, nothing more, nothing less!!!"

"Roy, Johnny wants it to be more!!" Sharon replied. "I think you might have led him into thinking that you loved him!!!"

"I do, as a friend." Roy said, his tone softening. "Maybe I did mislead him the other night at his place."

"Don't you think you'd better set him straight?" Sharon asked. "I think you owe him that much."

Roy got up and followed Sharon back inside.

***************

Dixie, meanwhile, was comforting a still crying Johnny.

"Dix, what is wrong with me? Why can't Roy love me?" Johnny sobbed. "Is the idea of being with me romantically really that bad?"

"Honey, Roy may not want to be anymore then just your friend." Dix whispered. "Johnny, do you really love Roy in that way?"

"Dix, I dream of making love to Roy every night. How good he'd feel in my arms, his taste, his touch, his smell, his kiss." Johnny sniffed. "The feel of him inside me and me inside him."

"Honey, those are fantasies, not reality." Dixie told him. "Roy may be a lousy lover for all you know. Johnny, you're confusing your fantasies with reality. Have you thought about the ramifications if you and Roy became sexually involved? Not only for you, but for the department as well?"

"Our relationship would be kept outside the station and off-duty!" Johnny argued.

"Would it? As Captains, you and Roy are the examples to the men under your command. What would happen if one of those men saw you kissing or touching?" Dix asked. "What if that man were a young boot?"

"I never thought of it that way." Johnny admitted.

"If that were to get to the Chief, it could ruin both your careers." Dix told him. "That's the way it was with Sharon and I when we first started out. We had to keep our relationship a secret because Sharon was just a student at the time."

"You could've lost your job if the director of nursing found out." Johnny said.

"You bet." Dix replied. "You and Roy have alot more to lose then we did. You both could lose everything you've worked hard for all these years. Is Roy's love worth that to you?"

"Yeah, is it?" Roy said as he reentered the apartment along with Sharon. "Johnny, we are friends and partners only, got it? No more, no less! That's all we can be, I'm sorry."

"Roy, I love you!" Johnny protested. v "No, John, what you're in love with is your fantasies and dreams about me." Roy softly told him. "Your feelings for me are coming from your head, not your heart. Real love comes from the heart. John, I love you as a friend, that's all."

"I can't accept that." Johnny said, softly. "You're asking me to deny how I feel. I can't do that."

"John, the are other men out there who'd love to have you as their own." Sharon put in. "The love that you are feeling is one sided. A real love is a love that is returned."

"Sharon's right." Dix agreed. "Honey, I know it hurts now, but it is better this way in the long run. You and Roy will always be friends."

"Yeah, friends." Johnny answered, flatly. "If that's the way you want it, Captain DeSoto, that's how it will be. From now on, our relationship is purely professional. No more seeing each other outside work, agreed?"

"Agreed. See you tomorrow, Captain Gage." Roy, said, then left the apartment.

"Yeah," Johnny said to the shut door.

"Johnny? Are you alright?" Dix asked, gently.

******************

When Roy got to his own apartment thirty minutes later, his lover was waiting for him.

"Did you tell Johnny how it is?" Joe Early asked.

"Yeah, he's pretty hurt." Roy replied.

"Did you tell him about us?" Joe asked.

"I didn't have the heart." Roy replied as Joe kissed him, deeply.

"You didn't have the heart or the guts?" Joe asked. "Roy, until you tell Johnny about us, we're through! You've always catered to John Gage, always walking on egg shells around him! At the station, I'll bet it's the same way!"

"Doc, I do not cater to Johnny!" Roy argued.

"Roy, you bow to his every wish! You always have! No matter what stupid idea Johnny got, you always went along! You know what that tells me? That you're in love with Johnny!" Joe yelled. "I cannot play second fiddle to your partner! You give me all or nothing!"

Roy watched as Joe walked out to his car and drove away as Roy cried.

*******************

An angry and jealous Joe Early arrived at the Gage ranch minutes later. Johnny was alarmed by the murderous look in Joe's eyes.

"Gage, I'm only going to say this once!" Joe hissed. "You stay the hell away from Roy! He's mine, got it? You are not to even lay a finger on him to treat him! You are not to touch him at anytime during your shift!"

"Joe-" Johnny said, trying to calm the doctor.

"You ever tell Roy you love him again you'll live to regret it!" Joe warned then left.

After Joe was gone, Johnny grabbed his rifle and went to confront Roy at his apartment.

*********************

Johnny arrived at Roy's door twenty minutes later. Johnny went inside the apartment and straight to Roy's bedroom. There, he found Roy in bed asleep.

"Wake up, DeSoto!" Johnny growled, cocking the gun in his hands.

Adrenaline rushed through the older man's body as he heard that sound. As Roy opened his eyes, he saw the anger that filled Johnny's and the rifle pointed at him.

"Why didn't you tell me about you and Doc Early?!" Johnny demanded. "I would've understood if you'd told me you were with him!!!"

"How do you know about us?" Roy asked.

"Your boyfriend came to see me in a jealous rage!!" Johnny raged. "He threatened me!!"

"Johnny, please, put the gun down." Roy pleaded. "I'll tell you everything. Just put the gun down."

"Roy, why Early? He's at least ten years older then you!" Johnny ranted, still holding the gun.

part 51 soon